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147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, My Dominant Sir, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

i get asked quite a bit…….

“how do you recommend we should start?”

i will answer as best i can, by telling you about our personal start. i think we probably started differently than most others have.

Ultimately though, no matter how you end up going about starting, in the words of Nike, “Just do it!”

Don’t over analyze the best or right okay to do it. Just like a race, when the gun goes off – you have to start running. But of course, most people have trained and prepared before they got to the starting line too.

So… on your marks…. Get set…….. and GO! !

Ok, fine… maybe you want (need!) more information than that. i’ll give it to you, but just know… in the end: START!

And with that…….

When i read about how others have started, many talk about how they started with the rules. Negotiated them out and drew up a contract. The contract lists out all the rules to be followed, the types of punishment to be given for infractions, and even the length of time the current contract is to be in effect. This is definitely one way to do it. And i can absolutely see the benefits. However, we didn’t do this. We have been doing Domestic Discipline (DD) now for 2-years and we have never had a contract.

The reason we have never had a contract has nothing to do with the legitimacy or beliefs of it though. We didn’t do it because we didn’t know what to set out as the rules we would use at the start of this.

If you know what you want the rules to be, then i happen to think a contract is absolutely the best way to start. Because that makes the commitment to do DD, the expectations and consequences, and the time frame all very legitimate and clearly stated.

Taking those concepts one at a time, i want to spend a minute endorsing a contract. Again, i think the key here is knowing what you want the rules to be though, and i’ll tell you about our way after this too and what we did when we didn’t know what rules to put in place.

To begin though, why is a contract even a good thing? Well, it is communication between you. Written at that. Just like a business contract, if it’s in writing, you can refer back to it, look for clarity, and like my sister says, “if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen.” But when it IS in writing, it DID happen. So when you write out a contract and sign, all the parties are committed and agreeing to the arrangement, and knowledgeable about the expectations (and consequences) for success (and failure) to abide by the contract that is set in place.

Stop for a second and i want to add, a contract – whether written or verbal – even helps the Dom. He knows what he expects of her… and he knows that she knows too! And if she doesn’t follow the rules, there is clearly a transgression that must be dealt with. And you, the Dom, didn’t commit the wrong but you are charged with carrying out the correction. You don’t need to feel guilty, give second chances, or think anything more than, “there was a wrong, and I will set it back to right.” So written or oral, rules are good for both sides!

The rules though, in writing, gives the submissive something to look at and see. They don’t get to change on a whim for either of the Head of House (HoH) or his submissive. So no disagreements should arise from unexpected rules put in place or noncompliance of these non stated rules. But the time frame or length of the contract, i would say is even more important, especially when you first start.

The time frame says from this day to this day, this is how we will live. And i think this would likely be the best part of having a contract. There was one particular day that i got so mad that i decided we weren’t doing DD anymore, and screamed, refused the discipline, and walked off. We were in a massive fight and went into The Cold War (of sorts anyway) regarding DD, until the silence was finally broken and we reimplemented it. Had i had a time frame that, at least to start, i would know “this DD lifestyle will end, unless renegotiated and reinstated, on xx/xx date,” i might would’ve not acted the way i did. And instead, tried to be the best submissive possible for the duration, to truly KNOW if this is what i wanted (and needed). people seem to make this be 3- or 6-month increments. This is long enough to commit to this lifestyle, determine if it works, have time to find of these rules are the right ones….. and yet, not so long that if someone wants to change the rules or punishments, or even quit, that there is a time to do it. When the contract nears expiration, you sit down and renegotiate the terms and sign for another term. Especially when you start with DD, this can be especially helpful to know the end date, so you commit to the duration, but if you truly just hate it, it has an end date. But now you can say, “I tried” and truly know you did indeed do just that.

Since we have never had a contract, i have gleaned all that after reading other DD blogs and googling. You can also get ideas and examples of contracts this way too.

But again, that’s not how we did it. The primary reasons we never implemented a contract is because at the very start, i had NO idea what rules to implement! Or which would be good or bad, too much or too little, or ones we both would like or not.

So in my traditional fashion and lifestyle in general, i jumped in with both feet and said, “Let’s just do this!” ……. (ready, set, GO!).

The first thing that i did was to buy a wooden paddle from Amazon, the same one we still use. When it arrived, i said to David, “Let’s start here. Let’s start now.”

i proceeded to immediately go to the bedroom, got naked, and laid on the bed to wait for him. He came in soon after with the paddle and gave me the first ever spanking. It was a very weak paddling. We both knew it. But he had never done this and i had never felt it, so we eased into it from the start. At the time, i was disappointed. But looking back now, i happen to think this was the best way. It gave him an idea of what force to use to get what result. He quickly learned that at THAT level, not much happens. So he now had the base line to work u from there. And so did i.

While i was disappointed, it (the spanking) definitely still stung. But i had wanted and hoped it would H-U-R-T. i wanted to feel his strength, know he was in control, to not be able to sit for a week, to be made to submit, etc. (THAT is a sub frenzy mentality…. and i’m half done with a post on it , so that will be next post up!).

Even though i was disappointed, it already gave me the full taste of what it meant to be submissive. But actually more in the mental sense than the physical sense. Oh, i did know even that day that he had the ability to apply a firm(er) hand and it would most definitely hurt if he were to have gone further, i already knew then that He was in control, not me. He decided how much was enough, not me. He was to be respected and be the one with the “power,” and i was to yield to it. That single first spanking spoke more to my mind than my rear.

And that was how we then started developing, slowly/ one by one, the rules we wanted to implement. As we set them in place, we didn’t ever write them down or make a contract. By the time we got to the place where we knew what we would write down or have in that contract, the contract wasn’t really necessary.

The first rules we set in place were really very simple…… and went like this:

1) When disrespect is shown, punishment will ensue. Respect involves…… (this one is hard because it’s really a matter of opinion) speaking kindly and positively.

As another sign of respect, eventually we added that i am to call him Sir. While i kinda, sometimes said this already, he wanted it to be way more frequently than i was doing.

(In Tx where we live, Sir and Ma’am are used fairly regularly in daily life as a sign of respect. It isn’t just reserved for Dom/sub situations. For example, i say it to employees and clients at work, from a sign of respect. It is most often used when being told to do something. Like if a client says, “I need your firm to help me with xyz.” i might would respond with, “Yes Sir, we can do that.” It is typically on,y used upward in a chain of command, so that the person saying it recognizes the person it is being said to is the one in control and with authority. So i wouldn’t probably ever say it to my son, unless it was to be sarcastic and in a tone that would imply the “who is in control here anyway??” To which, my son would likely recognize that and say something of an apologetic nature and to yield authority back to me. For example, my son might say, “you need to buy me new pencils for school.” And i would resound, “OK, yes Sir!” And he would say, “I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”. Point is, Sir is an outward expression of respect and David wanted me to show and say it more frequently than i was.)

2) The very first rule though that i fully endorse is instituting safe words. If a submissive doesn’t have these, real damage – mentally or physically – can be done accidently or on purpose by the Dom. This is needed especially when being punished. The purpose is to be able to have a way to have things/the situation STOP if you are NOT consenting you it. You don’t need a reason to stop. Inserting, but you need a way to do it. This is it!

Most people employ a red light system. David assumes i am Green, all good to go, unless i call out another color. He knows that while i may not be happy about the situation i am in (and the pain i am feeling from being spanked), he also knows that mentally i am ok and accepting. And still consenting!

If, however, i call out “yellow,” it means i am feeling like we need to slow down. But i am still accepting. And lastly, if i call “Red,” whether stated or screamed, i need him to stop immediately. And he would. And every (good) Dom should and would also!

But every submissive should know this is to be used sparingly also! It is not to be overused, or used when not needed. NEVER cry-wolf …. ever. Remember: You have already agreed to this dynamic and you did do something to land you in this place….. but you are NOT allowing him to abuse you either.

This system allows me to control the ultimate outcome. It gives me piece of mind to know that if i ever feel as if i am in trouble, being abused… or just DON’T CONSENT ANYMORE, i have a way out. Which is why EVERY Dom should stop immediately if they hear “Red”. Or whatever safe word you chose.

i have only ever called out yellow once and never red. And it was a time that David was striving to get me there already anyway. So the first spanking established the low end of the range and this one that i called yellow was when he wanted to know what was my high.

From there, over time, we added things as we went along. We still to this day refine the rules often. If you know what you want them to be upfront, even if it is say for 3-months at a time, then by all means write out a contract. But for us, we were experimenting, exploring, and well…. novice. So we made it up as we went along.

Ultimately though, i would tell you to get started you need to do the following:

1) talk about it and agree to it…. written OR verbally. In order to get a general idea of what is expected of one another, and the consequences thereof.

2) decide if you want to make it up at the start or as you go along. This is kinda important because if the sub thinks she knows all the rules and the Dom throws a new one on her, it may not go well unless she already knew this may happen.

3) maybe consider a “practice spanking,” which is what i call our first one now. You don’t have to have a paddle… a hair brush, a wooden spoon, or a belt are all easy at-home-already implements to consider, but a hand works very well also!

And get started! As i said before………

Ready….Set…. GO!

Let me know your thoughts:

If you are a novice, did this help?

If you are experienced, would you add or subtract anything? If so, what?

Hugs,

Marie

146 – Got Spanked?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 146 – Got Spanked?

Welp, i was right. i just knew things weren’t quite as they should be between David & i lately.

i have been snippy and sassy lately. With words and facial expressions both. And he has been tolerant.

He knew i have not been as-submissive-as-i-ought-to-be. But all he did was raise an eyebrow or make a comment like, “watch it!” So he has issued warnings. But warnings are only good for so long and then you have to do something about it. Or else quit calling out the warnings because they are nothing more than idle threats at that point!

Warnings can be effective for awhile, but at some point, they are no longer a useful tool.

So i also say…. He has been lazy. Yes, that is me calling him out right now. While i didn’t do these things simply to test him, when he allows me to get away with regular and continual disrespect he is being lazy.

And i will add that this can lead to a bad never-ending circle of habits and behaviors on both sides. When i know there is nothing more than a warning coming, i tend to lose (some/temporary) respect for David. i tend to be so annoyed that i roll my eyes and think, “whatever! He won’t do anything. Why should i act better when it won’t matter anyway?”

i will circle back to this idea of how it makes me feel throughout this post too, but right now i will start with…

Why would a dominant be lazy?

Well, i don’t think my Sir intends to be lazy. Sometimes i doubt he even realizes he has been! But i think some of the lazy comes from:

1) Overthinking. Like all of us, sometimes we all get too far in our own heads, including our dominants too. i think he wonders if: a) he gave enough notice/warnings, b) he was in a bad mood and overreacted, c) i wasn’t aware of what i did because i was stressed. Etc etc.

i could come up with a lot of reasons why David may overthink discipline. And so he hesitates.

And so he delays the discipline.

2) Tired. Sometimes fatigue – physical and/or mental happens – even to our dominants. Sometimes we all just want “peace and quiet” and to do our own thing, including our dominant. And they probably think that we should just do the right thing anyway.

So he delays the discipline again.

3) Discipline can be a to-do item. Sometimes it is just another “I have to do (blank) today.” Which becomes a chore. this is sometimes how we both feel about Maintenance on Friday’s. We both know it’s good to do, but sometimes, it just feels like a to-do item.

And he doesn’t want to do that to-do, so he delays discipline even more.

4) Even as a to-do item, does it have to be done “right now”? An analogy comes to mind here ….. doing the dishes. You know you have to clean the dishes. But does it matter if it is right after dinner, before bed, or the next morning? Probably not. But it still does have to get done at some point. And if you don’t do it even the next morning, the next dinner meal comes around and the dishes are likely now still not done.

This causes clutter. Pots and pans are in the way and not allowing any place to cook the next meal, the pans are dirty so what can you cook in anyway, and when it is cooked what will you eat off of since the plates and forks are all dirty still too?

And so the discipline was delayed.. again!!

But at some point…. THE DISCIPLINE HAS TO GET DONE.

Just like the dishes, there can be excuses, call it a to-do, or a hope the submissive does the right thing…. but allowing it to continue is not acceptable. And a warning is now nothing more than an empty threat if the discipline isn’t carried out.

This now sets up a pattern of bad behavior. If the submissive has bad behavior, the dominant does nothing about it, the submissive will (probably – and definitely will in my case!) continue the bad behavior, the bad behavior may even get worse, and at some point…. everything and everyone explodes.

i happen to think this vicious circle is what lead to the (most recent) “Worst Spanking ever.” But this time, i decided to not let it go that far.

Instead of continuing this terrible cycle of bad behavior, i told David, “i have not acted right. i know you know it too. And i need you to spank me. It needs to be hard enough to create remorse on my part. And it should cause you to be put back in place as the HoH and me as your submissive wife.”

Now of course, that sounds like i was the one who took the high ground here and did the right thing. But… i didn’t have the courage to say these words aloud.

i texted David after i left for work!

He wrote back, “when you get home, you need to go assume the position.” [to be spanked…. naked, feet on the floor, bend over at the waist onto the bed, with the paddle resting in the small of my back.]

i simply responded with, “Yes Sir.”

When i got home though, our 16-yr old son was hungry, time for dinner, and other chores took priority. But the minute we ate, i immediately cleaned up the dishes. And announced to our son i was going to our bedroom. He said ok.

David came in almost 15-minutes later and praised me for not having to be reminded to assume the position, despite not having it happen immediately after work.

That was a very long 15 minutes to wait in that position too! My legs were stiff and my back started to hurt from not moving (much) to ensure the paddle didn’t fall from its place.

i typically pray during these times. i pray that God instills a submissive mindset in me, gives David the confidence to discipline as much as i need (not just the making i want… because the “want” is always less than the “need”!), and that i am strong enough to accept the discipline with grace and love in my heart (and mind) to create a change in me.

This day was no different.

And David did indeed spank me more than i wanted. And it did indeed created a change in me. i have been more respectful this last 4-days than i was in the previous 2-weeks.

It hurt! All spankings should! It is always a time that i should, and typically do, get to the mindset of, “why did i do (blank)? This could’ve been avoided. This hurts. This is way worse than what i did to get to this place!”

While many don’t agree with Domestic Discipline (DD), we do. It restores order and cleanliness to our lives. Like having a clean kitchen, it is pretty, neat, more appealing, and ready to be used again the next time out. This is what happens in our marriage when we regularly have DD working-as-intended.

So like cleaning the dishes restores order to the kitchen, DD does that for our marriage. With mutual respect, kindness, compassion, and love … Our marriage is stronger because of it. We both know who is the leader and who is the follower. And that was just as God planned it to be, with my Sir leading my family and me following. But the clutter just happens sometimes in a marriage the same as in a kitchen, with daily use. And like the kitchen dishes, the clutter has to be dealt with and cleaned up. Some marriages don’t ever clean up the clutter for not having a good way to do it, or laziness. We prefer to deal with our marital difficulties with DD. When it is administered, things are cleared up and put back in order.

So now our vicious (bad) cycle has been broken. For now anyway. As much as i wish it weren’t true, i have no doubt this day will come back around again. Because like the dishes, clutter in our marriage happens. But we will deal with it, and set things straight again.

But it does require no one to be (regularly or continually) lazy too. So if all it takes is for me to send a text that basically could’ve said, “please don’t be lazy. i need to know you are in charge and in control. i need to have you show me your strength and ability to lead me and our family everyday. And that means you have to do more than just call out idle threats and DO something. Please turn me over and spank me hard,” then i will do it every time!

To some, asking and accepting a spanking is a challenge. To others, giving a deserved spanking is a challenge. But it works. Every time.

i love my disciplined life!

Hugs,

Marie

145 – Equality. Between me and Sir.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 145 – Equality. Between me and Sir.

i said i have been receiving many emails with many questions. Well here’s another one i received…..

Aren’t men and women equal? If YES, why is He in charge and you submit?

i happen to think…. Y-E-S …. we are. Equal. Overall. ALL people – men and woman and “other” (whatever your gender identity happens to associate with today) ….. are indeed equal!

At least…. Mostly. But like everything, there’s always the exception to every rule.

EQUAL: Let’s talk equality first.

What about mentally? Y-E-S, when it comes to the capacity, ability to apply, and rights among people – men and women are absolutely equal. So to this idea of brainpower, i think of the best teachers, doctors, accountants, or similar profession — we are indeed equal. There’s no doubt a woman can do these things just as good as a man.

From a mental capacity, ability to make decisions, or position in life requiring critical thinking – women are every bit equal to men.

So if women are equal to men with their brain power, it is also fair to say we are equal as it relates to our rights in humanity. Things like ability to vote, get a job, buy a house, etc. Women are indeed equal!

INEQUALITY: And yet there are some things that women are indeed NOT equal to a man.

Just to be clear, i don’t think we are completely 100% equal, but then again, no two people are alike. And let me explain…..

Most definitely it takes some effort for some (say a woman), to do what others (say a man), can do more easily when it comes to physical abilities. But it IS possible. Here’s an example. i think it is a scientific/medical fact that men are naturally built/ born with more muscle than a woman is. But if a woman works hard enough, she can be just as strong. And let’s face it, not all men use their God-given muscles to their fullest, so if a woman works hard and a man doesn’t, she can actually prove to be stronger than he! But all in all, because of natural muscle-tendencies, men are stronger than women. Which is why i think men are more suited for some professions or activities than men. Like playing football. Or serving in the military.

Now with that last one… serving in the military… don’t get upset with me, because i also think you can do anything you set your mind to. So while a woman may not start out equal to a man, if she sets her mind to it, she can absolutely achieve the same results. But it takes a lot more effort to get to the same level, and even more to exceed that of a man.

So women can (and do!) serve in the military for sure. (And i suppose play football too). But i feel that neither of those are easy professions for women to chose, simply because our body isn’t naturally built with the same level of muscle as a man’s is. So it forces women to have to work much harder than our counterpart to get to the same level they can more naturally achieve. Which is why i happen to have a LOT of respect for women military personnel for the bad-ass selves that they are! If they set their mind to being just as good, or better even, AND worked that much harder to overcome the naturally less-muscular position they started at than the man… they have more than earned my respect!

There are other physical inequalities too, such as breastfeeding. It is for a woman and a woman alone. Oh i suppose i have seen in the news about a man breastfeeding. But it has always been a situation where it was either: 1) a man who was born a woman but had a sex change, 2) a man who has taken a significant amount of hormone pills, or 3) both.

Men are not naturally built for or designed to breastfeed. This is something that God intended women to do alone.

So while mentally, women are absolutely equal, physically we are not. BUT – in most cases – the equality can be achieved when a women is so determined and absolutely must be respected!

MY PARTICULAR POSITION… while i AM equal, i still have a choice about how to show it or exercise it.

And it is because i am equal, that i am allowed to exercise my right to apply that equality any way i so chose.

i intentionally chose to NOT be equal to the man in my life. i intentionally chose to let David be in charge, and to lead me and our family. i chose to submit.

Being submissive doesn’t automatically declare me less equal or less capable though …. or … well… in any way just “less.” i am NOT less. At all.

i have a brain in my head that is absolutely every bit as equal to David’s. And i use it! i use it to intentionally chose to be the submissive and to yield and to be the pliable one to bend to his authority.

i have nothing to prove to anyone about my equality. i know i am respected in the community and in my home as well. But even if i weren’t, i am confident in my position in my life and marriage (as the submissive one), to voluntarily chose to not have an equal say in everything in our household.

Could it have easily been the other way around – i am in charge and he submits to me? Yes. Because we are both indeed equal and capable of leading. But i intentionally set my mind to knowing and showing want to allow him to be the one in charge.

While i don’t have to yield to him, i chose to do so. But that doesn’t make me any less equal either.

So go out and be there bad ass banker, college professor, photographer, or student that you know you are!

Because YOU are all EQUAL!

Hugs,

Marie

144 – General Update on Me

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 144 – General Update on Me

i have had some deadlines at work prohibiting me to be here as much as i have been in recent months. But now most of that is behind me and i should be able to post more frequently again.

But i thought a general all-around update could be nice for those who wonder these things…..

COVID – has of course caused everyone anxiety and stress. And we are all dealing with it in our own ways.

Overall, i think i have mentally adjusted to the new-Normal. For us in Texas but also personally, that means masks worn in public places, and especially inside buildings. And always inside any building, unless eating and drinking. Stay reasonably and as far apart from others as possible. Don’t shake hands, or even fist/elbow bumps. Just don’t touch!

But other than that, our lives are “pretty much the way they were before covid.” So people asking about us going out – to dinner, to shop, to the movies, etc – my life is about the same as it was before.

i actually went to the movies just yesterday with my sister. We were the ONLY people in the theater. Literally. It was quite nice. i happen to think people are afraid of the germs (at say the theater) so they don’t go there. But that’s what makes it best for me…. when everyone else stays home, i get to go …. alone! No germs AND get popcorn too!

PIERCINGS – All of the piercings have healed quite nicely. The nipples are a tad sensitive when David gets too crazy pinching/pulling on them. But he’s aware of when that is and he stops. And the clit is the same really.

David says he likes putting his mouth on the jewelry and letting his tongue play with it. And i rather like letting him too! 🥰

i am about ready to go back to get the jewelry changed to something less about function and more about beauty. i am a bit afraid to change it out myself the first time, so i’ll go and watch them (and have them teach me) this first time. But now to pick out something that i deem “beautiful” too!

CHASTITY – hasn’t been done since before our Colorado summer vacation. i don’t want to do it now with the clit piercing. At least not for awhile. It fits so tightly, by design, i am afraid the clit piercing may get hurt, damaged, pull/pinch, etc. so i am intentionally not wanting it right now.

But i’m not really sure David ever much liked it anyway. He wanted me to control my urges to NOT play with myself without permission. And absent that, then fine, apply the chastity. But instead it was really me who wanted it. To help me control myself. i think David saw it as a crutch for myself. i think he wants me to want to submit…. voluntarily…. even if it’s hard. Whereas a chastity belt meant i had the ability to be (mentally) lazy and just rely on it. i feel i will need it again sometime, and i don’t think it was being lazy but rather helpful. So we shall see. But not for a bit until i absolutely know the clit is completely 100% healed.

BRA AND PANTIES– while i was given them back, i wear them sparingly. It isn’t a given that they just go on in the morning. i don’t have to report to David when i wear them, but he still more-or-less expects that they are worn when necessary – and definitely not around him.

i happen to think that this will just always be my norm. i have basically not worn a bra now for 16-months and panties for close to the same. And i am good with this!

It worked on my favor yesterday when i was dressing for work and getting ready to leave. David came up behind me, and hugged me in a spooning way. His arms wrapped around me and cupped my breasts. He said, “yum… no bra!” And i smiled and said, “yes, of course, Sir”. He then moved his hands south and pulled up my dress and said, “no panties too! Perfect! Now go lay on the bed and get your reward”

And he proceeded to get me wet until i was allowed to orgasm….. (yes, i ask permission to orgasm every time too. Still.).

NAKED – i am still struggling with this. i am not sure i like it… but not sure i don’t. i have gotten used to being naked to sleep. But then when i awake, i want to put clothes on. i suspect some of it is “that’s what you are supposed to do.” But some of it is practicality, with our son at home … but also i get cold without clothes on!

Our son is a Junior in HS . So in another 2-years he will be off to college. Maybe by then, i will have embraced the nakedness and with him out of the house, do it all the time.

(Or maybe by then, my clit will have healed and i’ll have embraced chastity again and sport that around the house! Lol)

EXERCISE – well… chocolate still calls my name periodically and i have to tell her to sit down and shut up. And that’s hard. And Exercise still calls my name too, and i want to tell her to sit down and shut up. But i don’t. i walk 2-miles a day, most days. On days of bad weather, i don’t. But otherwise, that’s become the norm. i have lost 5 lbs, and i am happy with the progress. Hopefully it continues! i am thinking of getting a treadmill though because with the shorter/winter days starting to become a thing, i get scared to walk alone at night. And i am afraid this pattern (of walking and getting exercise) may end if i am not vigilant.

BJ – well, like i have said before, it is super hard to find 4-people who ALL like one another. So this started with promise, but looks to have faded. And unfortunately will likely die out. Maybe not enough sunshine, or water…. but the relationship grew and then suddenly the green-thumb turned brown. Makes me sad, but it isn’t entirely unexpected. If we ever find a couple that we are entirely compatible with, i will be thrilled. But i am highly skeptical too. So we will continue to just have periodic fun as it comes about.

ADDITIONAL FICTION STORIES– Probably coming soon. i was thinking of moving it to a website like Literotica though too. i realize that it is kinda an extension of me. It’s not real, and hasn’t ever been. Instead it is the things that go on in my head and start as a result of something that was real. Kinda like “x and y happened in real life. And then it got me to thinking that z would’ve been a nice next step.” So it sometimes gets confusing to me, and i think possibly some of you also. As in “what is real-real and what is not??”

SPANKING – and Discipline – and Maintenance – Because of my big deadline at work, David gave me a free pass on the Maintenance Friday sessions. We haven’t done it now for 3-weeks.

And i’ve been a good-girl and haven’t had to receive punishment in a long time now.

All very good! But as much as i’d tell you i am not a fan of the actual discipline, the knowledge of my place in our marriage and letting David be in control makes me very happy.

And when we aren’t doing as much discipline (like now), i can always tell when things are slipping “out of the ordinary” and needing to be “put back in place.” And we are about there.

So i may have to ask to be spanked soon, but i really HATE the actual discipline too. So it’s a double edged sword. i will likely insist on it on Friday. And i have no doubt, my bottom will end up quite sore from me insisting it happens and it is “appropriately intense.” But i truly think i am to the place that i NEED it.

i sometimes think needing to be spanked feels like an addiction… where at the moment, i am going through withdrawal and detox. And i don’t like it. So i crave the discipline. Chew on that for just a hot minute!!

That’s it!

That’s all i can think of for now. Anything i missed?

And i have been receiving more emails too, so i’ll probably continue to work my way through those in upcoming posts as well.

Hugs,

Marie

142 – Toughest Part

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 142 – Toughest Part

*** had problems with the site and this post dropped off for some unknown reason. Reposting it now. If you read it when it was here before, it’s the same now.

i was recently asked, “What was the toughest part of transitioning to this lifestyle?”

It occurred to me maybe others wonder this too. SO…. i decided to post about this. And maybe some of my favorite people (with even more experience than me!) can comment also and give even more insight on their experiences too!

There have been a few things that have been hard actually. Here’s a couple that i can immediately think of: 1) learning to forgive myself. When David says penance has been served and it is truly “over” it really is! and 2) to not give up on this lifestyle when it doesn’t work right away, but to communicate and work out the details and try again.

But the single thing that has personally been “the” hardest for me, and i want to spend the rest of this post talking about is……

Learning to curb my tongue.

In the past, when i had something to say, i said it! Without any real regard to how it was said…. tone, wording, timing. None of it.

i felt i had the right to speak my mind to my husband…. anytime i wanted and specivically in any way i wanted. We were equals after all!

But looking back on it now, i realize i said things in ways that were quite frankly rude, disrespectful, or even demeaning.

i’d tell you that i spoke to coworkers or friends in ways that were better than how i spoke to David. i didn’t mean to and i never saw it that way then. But i certainly do now. Now my eye glass lenses have been adjusted to see with 20/20 vision! And i don’t especially like what i see now for how things were then.

i felt though that i could “speak my mind in honesty” with him, where i couldn’t with others. And while that is still true now (that i can speak my mind to him), i didn’t pay any attention to HOW i said it to him. Whereas now, i absolutely do!

Also i never had the right to speak down to him (or to coworkers about him) that used words that (effectively) raise me up above him. But i did. i’d say things like, “Are you sureeeeee that’s the best way to do that?” implying that MY way was better or more superior, but of course, making him guess what that was or even goading him into asking me “and what way is that?”

At the time, i didn’t ever see it tis way (demeaning, degrading) at all. Not really anyway. Oh i suppose there were times that i’d think, “I probably shouldn’t have said it like that.” But that was that and i’d subsequently think, “oh well” too.

With clearer eye sight, it’s easy to see things differently now. i now don’t see my behavior then as acceptable at all. Honestly, i was out of line. Even “IF” we were equal, and i had the right to speak my mind, the way it was done was not at all respectful or kind. i know that now. In fact, i am now rather embarrassed at how i acted then.

But through these new lenses, this negative way of speaking to or about your spouse seems to be what i see as the norm for a lot of people. So in some ways, i guess you could say i only did what others do. But that doesn’t make it right!

Here’s an example…. My coworkers say things like, “yeah, my husband was a dumb ass this weekend…” and proceed to tell us what so-called stupid thing their husband did. And of course, her words already set the stage to imply she wouldn’t’ have done it that way and her way was more superior. Raising herself up and ultimately putting him down too.

Or another coworkers said this week, “I have to leave early to take my daughter to the doctor. My husband screwed it up last time. So I’m going to do it myself today.” Obviously saying she could get it done “right” compared to him not being able to. And further, he’s not even capable (or worth her time) to try to educate him on what this “right” way is also!

But … it’s been a “process” to change. And one i have had to truly commit to and work at. i’ve had to be very intentional to hold my tongue, reword things in a positive/ better way, determine what really should be said (or not), and how to defer to him. Always.

And honestly, David has held me to it too. He raises his eyebrows or says, “you sure you wnat to continue speaking to me this way?” It tells me that he never really liked the way i treated or talked to him before, but he rather just tolerated it.

But now he has authority to do something about it too! Before if there was something he didn’t like, there wasn’t much that could be done. And now an “attitude adjustment” ensues if i were to continue on the negative talk path.

i’m glad i made the transition. i’m glad i show, act, and display more respect to my husband directly, but also to my coworkers and friends. i no longer engage in office banter about how “stupid” my husband was, but rather i speak the opposite. “We had an amazing weekend where i got to enjoy spending time with my husband. He makes me happy.”

And it’s true. i do believe it with my whole heart – he does make me happy! And yet, curbing my tongue was a process and definitely not an easy one!

And because of a second glitch, the next post… if you wanted to read the, in order of how i had originally posted it, please click here on my blue words. Otherwise, you will read them in order of how the site posted them and that’s ok too.

Hugs,
Marie