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152 – Change. Or is it Process Improvement ?

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Change is hard. No one likes it. It is a big, mean, scary monster that rears its ugly head every so often and we don’t like it.

But what if you heard the words, “Process Improvement,”……….. would that make it less big, mean, or scary? Would you be able to embrace it better?

Think about it, no one C-H-A-N-G-E-S anything for the express purpose of making it worse. We make changes trying to make things better. While the old adage of, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” is generally true….. sometimes it can still be improved. Maybe a fix isn’t what is needed, but improvement might be.

THIS is what i would say is happening in my marriage right now. We are doing “Process Improvement.” Nothing too major, and we aren’t fixing what ain’t broke, but we are tweaking things. We are improving things.

So we aren’t abandoning any of our old ways, lifestyle, or DD. We are just improving it.

i told you that November is historically a bad month for us. We fight in November probably more than all the other months combined! i don’t even think David realizes that the month on the calendar ….. November …. is the common denominator. But i do.

This past week, i set out to C-H-A-N-G-E things. Or … said in a nicer, more palatable way…. to IMPROVE things.

One thing i realized was that we were both feeling under-appreciated. And as such, we wanted the other to DO something to or for the other to make it better. (We both wanted the other to C-H-A-N-G-E!)

i decided to stop waiting to be the one to receive it, and to be the one to give it. (Tis better to give than to receive… right?… okay, that’s the saying for December, and we are still in THANKFUL November… so back to NOVEMBER…)

Ya know though, the funny thing about giving is that typically you do indeed end up receiving. What goes around, comes around. Give out the good and the good comes back to you.

It started with me making a spontaneous breakfast for both David and i on Thursday. On Friday, i texted him saying, “I was just thinking about you. I hope your day is good. I love you.” Nothing big at all, and certainly not expensive, but still meaningful.

And on Saturday, he asked me to go out and play golf with him. Now this may sound minor, it was actually HUGE….. because he plays EVERY Saturday with the guy friends and he/i play on (some) Sunday afternoons.

i said, “Aren’t you playing with the guys?”

And he said, “The weather is going to be perfect and I thought it would be nice to play with you.”

He chose me over all the other men on a Saturday.

There was NO way i was saying no! So we went to play. And the weather was amazing and we enjoyed the day together. And we both played good too (an added bonus!)

And when we got home he said, “We haven’t done maintenance in several weeks. Don’t you think it’s needed?”

Now i know maintenance spankings work. And i know it probably was needed. But i don’t actually like being spanked. i like giving up control, knowing i submit to my husband, and knowing how well it works. But i don’t like the actual spanking itself.

So i was immediately annoyed.

i was thinking, “why ruin a perfectly good day with that? Besides, i am in the middle of doing something else now too.”

i was thinking of the loophole here too.

He didn’t say we had to do it right NOW. In fact, he asked me about it. He didn’t tell me to go assume the position even!?!?

He saw me roll my eyes and asked about it. He said, “what are you thinking?” i spoke my mind and told him all the things in my head.

He tilted his head and said, “You know what I meant.” And i did. He was right. i just didn’t like or want it at that moment.

So i got up and went to the bedroom. He followed me. He got out the paddle and stood at the end of the bed.

And he watched me undress. While i have undressed and/or been naked in front of him 1,000+ times in our marriage, when you do it while someone is staring at you, with a paddle in their hand, waiting on you…. it’s a bit humiliating and intimidating.

And maybe it is supposed to be that way.

Because in that fine razor point moment, i dropped the attitude and showed the submissive heart that i needed (and ultimately wanted) to too.

And i was spanked. For the first time in several weeks…. maybe in all of November even.

Afterward, we sat and talked a bit about all the fighting and even the bickering we had had lately. (And it hurt to sit on my red bottom then!). We talked about ways to avoid the fights in the future.

At Missy’s advice, i suggested we implement the red light system for fights in the same way we have it for discipline. Green is all good to go, yellow is slow it down as this is not going in the right direction, and red is stop right now. This system can, and hopefully will, be used by both of us to not have disagreements escalate in the first place.

But we also talked about times when we get mad anyway. When he is getting mad at me because of things i am saying (or yelling) what to do then. Because he doesn’t want to ever spank when he’s mad (because he may lose control at that point), we agreed he would tell me to go stand in the corner until i calm down enough to speak my words without the negative tone. Or he will tell me to write out what i have to say on paper, where he will read it and determine a response. Both of these cause me to take a pause and to reflect further before spewing anger everywhere.

And if i am just so mad (and stubborn) that i refuse to do these things, then he will flat out ignore me until i calm down. At which time, i will go assume the spanking position and prepare for a bad punishment. i will not be punished for what i wanted or was trying to say (aka: what i was mad about), but rather for failure to submit to the directive of standing in the corner or writing it out calmly. And then after that, we will also deal with “the issue” at hand causing the anger in the first place.

He agreed these were all smarter ways to deal with our anger than what we have been doing in the month of November.

So…. we are tweaking things. Making changes… or rather… Process Improvements!

i am encouraged… and THANKFUL…. For so many wonderful, things in my life…. including my best friend, head of house, and dominant husband to whom i submit to.

Next time you think about C-H-A-N-G-E, think about it positively with the notion that things are just I-M-P-R-O-V-I-N-G… and embrace it! It just might come full circle where the good you put out, comes back to you 10-fold greater!

Hugs,

Marie

151 – November and me and Sir

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Do not mix. i have NO idea why.

We have been married (almost) 20-years now and dated for 5-before that. And (almost) without fail, every November is the hardest month of the entire year for our relationship.

And this November has been NO different!

This is one reason you haven’t heard much from me…. i have been sad, unhappy, and generally depressed about it all. It doesn’t make for good writing, let alone happy, smiling, or feeling appreciated.

We have been “off” most of the month. i told you about one disagreement already, but then just a mere 6-days later we had another argument. And these were the “big battles” among many small skirmishes too.

We simply do not communicate well, respond to one another well, and generally have a horrible month. It’s something about the time of year, the weather change, or just the turn of the calendar because by December things always improve again.

Add to that, when we fight we are NOT nice to one another. In fact, i have said “we go for the jugular.” Two people who even “like” one another should not WANT to hurt one another…. ever. Verbally, physically, or mentally.

And yet….. we do.

We just get THAT mad at one another. Now i have said that the opposite of love is NOT hate. When you hate someone (or something), you still have a lot of emotion about it. No, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care at all to even be mad you have simply given up. So the fact that we fight, even with how horribly we are to one another, we do still care! That’s the silver lining.

So now… after starting out terribly, i decided to make a very big effort to end it differently.

Making lemonade from lemons.

In control of my own destiny.

Make life be what you want.

Mind over matter.

Make it happen.

Just do it.

Ok…. enough of the pep talk. So what am i even talking about??

Well….. if two people who love one another shouldn’t want to make each other mad (and hurting), then what should you be doing instead?!?

Yes….. things that make one another happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So i decided to do just that.

i am not telling Sir this is what i am up to. It is just going to happen. And i suspect he will notice and be happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

It takes work to be nice though!! Especially when you don’t feel like it. When you feel wronged, you want to be vindicated. You want the other person to initiate the solution. You want them to apologize, be kind to you, and ……. make you feel happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on. You think “THEY should be the one to fix this!”

The trouble with this … is you both are thinking the same thing. You both want the other person to initiate the solution. But too often we think, “why should I be the one to fix this? I’m not the problem! He/she should say they are sorry…..”. And the cycle never ends. Or ends poorly at best!

So today, i decided i will be the solution. i have clearly been with David long enough to know the things that make him happy (or unhappy), smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So instead of thinking about how he is the problem and/or should implement the solution, i decided it doesn’t matter who is the problem. i know how to fix this. i just need to do it. Be in control of my own destiny. Make it happen.

Make November end on a positive and good note and significantly better than how it has started!

And i started this morning.

i tend to eat breakfast on the go. Something quick, easy, and in the car. Something like a piece of fruit and a granola bar. Rarely do i take the time to “make” breakfast. But i decided today i would.

Additionally, all 3 of us (David, myself, AND our son) tend to go our own ways and do our own thing for breakfast. All in the name of just getting ourselves out the door and the day started.

But today, i decided it would be different. And instead of “just” slowing down and cooking breakfast for myself, i also made David breakfast too.

He was surprised. But he was happy, smiled, felt appreciated, and on and on. And he also thanked me! He noticed!

It also made ME feel better. i felt happy, smiled, appreciated, and on and on. i find great joy in serving others, especially David. i like treating others as you’d like to be treated. i like doing good in the world.

So not only has our day started out better with a good breakfast, but now we have a good attitude too!

Today is the start of a new end of a November. Breaking the cycle starting now. A much needed change to the negativity and problems we have brought about every November (as well as already in this first half of this one too!).

Now i have to come up with what tomorrow’s “good thing” will be…… suggestions?? (Careful what you suggest – as i might just turn it around and ask “have you done that for someone you care about lately too?!”)

Lastly….. i am disappointed that our DD relationship has not worked as intended this month. We haven’t been in (many) fights at all since implementing this lifestyle about 2-years ago. But we haven’t given up on it either. And we won’t. Like everything though, it just needs some tweaking. We will get back on track and it starts now… today… with a good breakfast.

And with feelings of being happy, smiling, feeling appreciated , and on and on.

Hugs –

Marie

144 – General Update on Me

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i have had some deadlines at work prohibiting me to be here as much as i have been in recent months. But now most of that is behind me and i should be able to post more frequently again.

But i thought a general all-around update could be nice for those who wonder these things…..

COVID – has of course caused everyone anxiety and stress. And we are all dealing with it in our own ways.

Overall, i think i have mentally adjusted to the new-Normal. For us in Texas but also personally, that means masks worn in public places, and especially inside buildings. And always inside any building, unless eating and drinking. Stay reasonably and as far apart from others as possible. Don’t shake hands, or even fist/elbow bumps. Just don’t touch!

But other than that, our lives are “pretty much the way they were before covid.” So people asking about us going out – to dinner, to shop, to the movies, etc – my life is about the same as it was before.

i actually went to the movies just yesterday with my sister. We were the ONLY people in the theater. Literally. It was quite nice. i happen to think people are afraid of the germs (at say the theater) so they don’t go there. But that’s what makes it best for me…. when everyone else stays home, i get to go …. alone! No germs AND get popcorn too!

PIERCINGS – All of the piercings have healed quite nicely. The nipples are a tad sensitive when David gets too crazy pinching/pulling on them. But he’s aware of when that is and he stops. And the clit is the same really.

David says he likes putting his mouth on the jewelry and letting his tongue play with it. And i rather like letting him too! 🥰

i am about ready to go back to get the jewelry changed to something less about function and more about beauty. i am a bit afraid to change it out myself the first time, so i’ll go and watch them (and have them teach me) this first time. But now to pick out something that i deem “beautiful” too!

CHASTITY – hasn’t been done since before our Colorado summer vacation. i don’t want to do it now with the clit piercing. At least not for awhile. It fits so tightly, by design, i am afraid the clit piercing may get hurt, damaged, pull/pinch, etc. so i am intentionally not wanting it right now.

But i’m not really sure David ever much liked it anyway. He wanted me to control my urges to NOT play with myself without permission. And absent that, then fine, apply the chastity. But instead it was really me who wanted it. To help me control myself. i think David saw it as a crutch for myself. i think he wants me to want to submit…. voluntarily…. even if it’s hard. Whereas a chastity belt meant i had the ability to be (mentally) lazy and just rely on it. i feel i will need it again sometime, and i don’t think it was being lazy but rather helpful. So we shall see. But not for a bit until i absolutely know the clit is completely 100% healed.

BRA AND PANTIES– while i was given them back, i wear them sparingly. It isn’t a given that they just go on in the morning. i don’t have to report to David when i wear them, but he still more-or-less expects that they are worn when necessary – and definitely not around him.

i happen to think that this will just always be my norm. i have basically not worn a bra now for 16-months and panties for close to the same. And i am good with this!

It worked on my favor yesterday when i was dressing for work and getting ready to leave. David came up behind me, and hugged me in a spooning way. His arms wrapped around me and cupped my breasts. He said, “yum… no bra!” And i smiled and said, “yes, of course, Sir”. He then moved his hands south and pulled up my dress and said, “no panties too! Perfect! Now go lay on the bed and get your reward”

And he proceeded to get me wet until i was allowed to orgasm….. (yes, i ask permission to orgasm every time too. Still.).

NAKED – i am still struggling with this. i am not sure i like it… but not sure i don’t. i have gotten used to being naked to sleep. But then when i awake, i want to put clothes on. i suspect some of it is “that’s what you are supposed to do.” But some of it is practicality, with our son at home … but also i get cold without clothes on!

Our son is a Junior in HS . So in another 2-years he will be off to college. Maybe by then, i will have embraced the nakedness and with him out of the house, do it all the time.

(Or maybe by then, my clit will have healed and i’ll have embraced chastity again and sport that around the house! Lol)

EXERCISE – well… chocolate still calls my name periodically and i have to tell her to sit down and shut up. And that’s hard. And Exercise still calls my name too, and i want to tell her to sit down and shut up. But i don’t. i walk 2-miles a day, most days. On days of bad weather, i don’t. But otherwise, that’s become the norm. i have lost 5 lbs, and i am happy with the progress. Hopefully it continues! i am thinking of getting a treadmill though because with the shorter/winter days starting to become a thing, i get scared to walk alone at night. And i am afraid this pattern (of walking and getting exercise) may end if i am not vigilant.

BJ – well, like i have said before, it is super hard to find 4-people who ALL like one another. So this started with promise, but looks to have faded. And unfortunately will likely die out. Maybe not enough sunshine, or water…. but the relationship grew and then suddenly the green-thumb turned brown. Makes me sad, but it isn’t entirely unexpected. If we ever find a couple that we are entirely compatible with, i will be thrilled. But i am highly skeptical too. So we will continue to just have periodic fun as it comes about.

ADDITIONAL FICTION STORIES– Probably coming soon. i was thinking of moving it to a website like Literotica though too. i realize that it is kinda an extension of me. It’s not real, and hasn’t ever been. Instead it is the things that go on in my head and start as a result of something that was real. Kinda like “x and y happened in real life. And then it got me to thinking that z would’ve been a nice next step.” So it sometimes gets confusing to me, and i think possibly some of you also. As in “what is real-real and what is not??”

SPANKING – and Discipline – and Maintenance – Because of my big deadline at work, David gave me a free pass on the Maintenance Friday sessions. We haven’t done it now for 3-weeks.

And i’ve been a good-girl and haven’t had to receive punishment in a long time now.

All very good! But as much as i’d tell you i am not a fan of the actual discipline, the knowledge of my place in our marriage and letting David be in control makes me very happy.

And when we aren’t doing as much discipline (like now), i can always tell when things are slipping “out of the ordinary” and needing to be “put back in place.” And we are about there.

So i may have to ask to be spanked soon, but i really HATE the actual discipline too. So it’s a double edged sword. i will likely insist on it on Friday. And i have no doubt, my bottom will end up quite sore from me insisting it happens and it is “appropriately intense.” But i truly think i am to the place that i NEED it.

i sometimes think needing to be spanked feels like an addiction… where at the moment, i am going through withdrawal and detox. And i don’t like it. So i crave the discipline. Chew on that for just a hot minute!!

That’s it!

That’s all i can think of for now. Anything i missed?

And i have been receiving more emails too, so i’ll probably continue to work my way through those in upcoming posts as well.

Hugs,

Marie

140 – FULLY

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In my last post i wrote that a submissive should submit “fully”. And then Willie replied showing me how that’s not exactly true. Even for me.

My intentions in that post were ultimately just to explore the reasons people may not have anal sex or anal play. And to give some thoughts about considering breaking down that hard limit. But i’m afraid the post missed the mark too.

i do still understand and appreciate that everyone has hard limits, and there are multiple reasons for them, and they are there to stay…. and it’s ok. Really – it is! (i have them too.)

So after Willie’s comment, i got to thinking more about “fully submissive” and what that means (or doesn’t).

But even stop for a second and let’s talk about the word “FULLY” all by itself. It means to the top, completely, to the furthest extent, not possible to go anymore.

So i really think anyone living a D/s lifestyle, trying to be the best submissive spouse possible, and doing it in the way that works for them —- IS FULLY SUBMISSIVE.

Yet, even for a “FULLY SUBMISSIVE” person, there are things that it does NOT mean. There are hard limits. Even for me too.

And that’s GOOD. It means you have a brain in the head that’s sitting on your shoulders, and you aren’t afraid to use it.

So what won’t i do as a FULLY submissive wife?

Here’s a few……

1) The same as Willie mentioned, i refuse to be slapped in the face. i feel that is offensive and abusive. And just unnecessary. There are so many other places to spank, that the face shouldn’t be the go-to.

2) i don’t want to be treated like an animal. i don’t want to be made to be on all 4’s, not allowed to eat with my hands/silverware, or while sitting at the table. i might like this as a one-time/ sexual scene. But not as an everyday dynamic. Because we don’t just do D/s with DD in the bedroom (it is 24/7), we try to do things that are reasonable and manageable for every day life.

3) i won’t be verbally scolded and told to be a submissive. That seems trivial at first, but what it means to me is my R-I-G-H-T to chose to be submissive. If someone TELLS me to do it or be it, it seems like it has taken away my right. And i can’t and won’t have that. In fact, if i were told to be submissive, i suspect that would be enough for me to say “NO!” And rebel against it!

There’s others too, and maybe that will be another post too. And maybe the things i mention are ones that you might say i should consider breaking down that barrier and give me reasons to have it not be a hard limit. (The way i tried to do in the anal access previous post). And i would probably listen, and yet, probably NOT accept your way of thinking! And that’s ok too! Because i listened, heard, and rejected it as the way for me.

So if that’s what you did with the last post, i get it and i accept that.

My ultimate point is that, i do know and respect that everyone has different hard limits for various reasons. And i did a poor job (in the last post) of saying that i understand and respect that.

Soooo i fully agree – you are fully submissive – in the way you do things. (And so am i too).

So what ARE your hard limits anyway, besides anal? Would you ever consider changing any of them? Tell me more.

Have an an amazing week my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

137 – masochist … am i?

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A few weeks back, i started talking about the various (numerous!) labels of a submissive and never finished those thoughts. Since that’s been on my mind lately, i am now circling back there.

i happen to think ANY AND ALL submissives willing to bend over and receive discipline IS indeed a masochist. (i also think the dominant willing to administer the discipline is also a sadist. But that’s an entirely different topic series so i’ll just set that down right there and leave it.)

Maybe. Probably. At least on some level. Y-E-S. Every sub is a masochist.

Why do i say that?

Masochist by definition is a person who takes pleasure in pain and suffering.

And typically that pleasure and pain is derived from sexual activity, although it doesn’t have to be.

Okay, so YES. i DO take pleasure in pain and suffering. So YES, i AM a masochist.

But that pleasure may not be quite (probably) how you may thinking though too. NO, i don’t derive joy from the actual pain. i truly don’t! While i do sometimes get a little bit wet between the legs, it is never something that i am even aware of. And usually when you are sexually turners on, you are well aware. David does sometimes put his fingers down there to check, and he almost always comments about what he finds. He especially and most often does this when we are doing maintenance sessions. And most times, he will continue to fondle my puss until i orgasm, but this is never a given and only at David’s discretion.

And i am ALWAYS surprised when he tells me i am wet. i have never once felt sexually aroused at the pain of a spanking. i have tried to analyze the “why” this could happen without feeling mentally or being aware of how i am physically aroused. To no avail. i’ll maybe write about that some time too. But that’s another post as well!

i do take pleasure, however, in pleasing David. And in times that i accept punishment for wrong doing, it ultimately means having to accept pain and suffering. And when he is pleased at how i have accepted it with grace (and submission), THAT makes me happy.

So my pleasure in pain and suffering is nothing more than a math formula. A= B, and B= C, so A= C. In this math problem —- >

A= my pleasure,

B= discipline to accept correction,

C= pain and suffering.

Maybe it is the fact that i know i am making David happy when i recognize/agree with him that discipline is necessary to fix bad behaviors, such that I willingly accept discipline, that it causes me to be wet between the legs. But again, i didn’t say “sexual pleasure is coming from experiencing pain and suffering.”

So yes, i think i am a masochist. But not in the most traditional definition of it either.

All that said – i was out shopping a bit with my sister today at a couple of quaint little antique-type shops when i spied a well-used razor strop. And i immediately thought, “i wonder if its well-used-position was a result of really making a razor sharp, or someone’s back side red?!!?!”

The picture here is that strop i saw. i couldn’t help but pull out my phone and snap a pic. Will it cause pleasure, pain, or suffering or all of the above?!

My sister doesn’t really know about our dynamic, not really, so i didn’t say my thoughts out loud. But i won’t deny, i contemplated buying it and having David test its strength on my backside. And all of these thoughts did make me wet! Today i felt the telltale sign of the release of liquid from my puss, right there in the shop. So maybe i AM a masochist in the truest sexual pain equals pleasure equation too! (Everyone knows that by rearranging the algebra equation you get an entirely different answer! Who ever said you didn’t need algebra in real world life was so incorrect!)

No matter – i will own the masochist submissive title – one way or the other!

What do you think… am i a masochist … traditionally or otherwise? What about you…. are you a masochist or are you dominating one? i think the answers are all YES!

Hugs,

Marie