151 – November and me and Sir

Do not mix. i have NO idea why.

We have been married (almost) 20-years now and dated for 5-before that. And (almost) without fail, every November is the hardest month of the entire year for our relationship.

And this November has been NO different!

This is one reason you haven’t heard much from me…. i have been sad, unhappy, and generally depressed about it all. It doesn’t make for good writing, let alone happy, smiling, or feeling appreciated.

We have been “off” most of the month. i told you about one disagreement already, but then just a mere 6-days later we had another argument. And these were the “big battles” among many small skirmishes too.

We simply do not communicate well, respond to one another well, and generally have a horrible month. It’s something about the time of year, the weather change, or just the turn of the calendar because by December things always improve again.

Add to that, when we fight we are NOT nice to one another. In fact, i have said “we go for the jugular.” Two people who even “like” one another should not WANT to hurt one another…. ever. Verbally, physically, or mentally.

And yet….. we do.

We just get THAT mad at one another. Now i have said that the opposite of love is NOT hate. When you hate someone (or something), you still have a lot of emotion about it. No, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care at all to even be mad you have simply given up. So the fact that we fight, even with how horribly we are to one another, we do still care! That’s the silver lining.

So now… after starting out terribly, i decided to make a very big effort to end it differently.

Making lemonade from lemons.

In control of my own destiny.

Make life be what you want.

Mind over matter.

Make it happen.

Just do it.

Ok…. enough of the pep talk. So what am i even talking about??

Well….. if two people who love one another shouldn’t want to make each other mad (and hurting), then what should you be doing instead?!?

Yes….. things that make one another happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So i decided to do just that.

i am not telling Sir this is what i am up to. It is just going to happen. And i suspect he will notice and be happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

It takes work to be nice though!! Especially when you don’t feel like it. When you feel wronged, you want to be vindicated. You want the other person to initiate the solution. You want them to apologize, be kind to you, and ……. make you feel happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on. You think “THEY should be the one to fix this!”

The trouble with this … is you both are thinking the same thing. You both want the other person to initiate the solution. But too often we think, “why should I be the one to fix this? I’m not the problem! He/she should say they are sorry…..”. And the cycle never ends. Or ends poorly at best!

So today, i decided i will be the solution. i have clearly been with David long enough to know the things that make him happy (or unhappy), smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So instead of thinking about how he is the problem and/or should implement the solution, i decided it doesn’t matter who is the problem. i know how to fix this. i just need to do it. Be in control of my own destiny. Make it happen.

Make November end on a positive and good note and significantly better than how it has started!

And i started this morning.

i tend to eat breakfast on the go. Something quick, easy, and in the car. Something like a piece of fruit and a granola bar. Rarely do i take the time to “make” breakfast. But i decided today i would.

Additionally, all 3 of us (David, myself, AND our son) tend to go our own ways and do our own thing for breakfast. All in the name of just getting ourselves out the door and the day started.

But today, i decided it would be different. And instead of “just” slowing down and cooking breakfast for myself, i also made David breakfast too.

He was surprised. But he was happy, smiled, felt appreciated, and on and on. And he also thanked me! He noticed!

It also made ME feel better. i felt happy, smiled, appreciated, and on and on. i find great joy in serving others, especially David. i like treating others as you’d like to be treated. i like doing good in the world.

So not only has our day started out better with a good breakfast, but now we have a good attitude too!

Today is the start of a new end of a November. Breaking the cycle starting now. A much needed change to the negativity and problems we have brought about every November (as well as already in this first half of this one too!).

Now i have to come up with what tomorrow’s “good thing” will be…… suggestions?? (Careful what you suggest – as i might just turn it around and ask “have you done that for someone you care about lately too?!”)

Lastly….. i am disappointed that our DD relationship has not worked as intended this month. We haven’t been in (many) fights at all since implementing this lifestyle about 2-years ago. But we haven’t given up on it either. And we won’t. Like everything though, it just needs some tweaking. We will get back on track and it starts now… today… with a good breakfast.

And with feelings of being happy, smiling, feeling appreciated , and on and on.

Hugs –

Marie

3 comments

  1. I’m sorry things are difficult right now, Marie! I would suggest that you get this November thing figured out…why does coming into this month change your mood so drastically? If this happens to you every year…it is time to face your demons and figure out why.

    As for suggestions of nice things you could do…. a warm towel ready when one gets out of the shower is always nice, initiating unexpected sex (especially a blow job) would probably be something he’d appreciate, making his favorite dinner or dessert, sending him an unexpected sexy picture of yourself, writing him a love letter and leaving it out for him (or emailing it to him). And yes… I would love to be doing all of these things for my hubby! Currently, I am writing him love letters each day that I email to him (I title them “Love letters to my husband”). He has been very much enjoying that.

    Wishing you nothing but the best, my friend! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I swear I didn’t read this post before I commented on your last one. In regard to this one, as flippant as it sounds, sh*t happens. We don’t always know why, though as Nora suggested it would serve you well to examine why, but we all have our things. For me it’s January- the let down after Christmas, the darkness, the anniversary of my Father’s death- brutal.

    Anyway to answer your question: Before I approached B with the idea of Dd I started living it ( as suggested by many) . I practiced being submissive. The issue for me at the time was the fact that I was a stay at home wife/mother so many things other women told me about they started to do I was already doing. I decided to make up a questionnaire for B. Initially I told him I found it online on a magazine site ( I later came clean). My questions surrounded things he liked or didn’t like ( even though I was positive I knew some of the answers- I didn’t). * How do you like my hair done? What is your favourite meal? What do you love to see me in? What outfit of mine do you hate? What do you like to see when you walk through the door? What do you not like to see? What style of underwear do you prefer on me? etc…etc..

    This has continued to be a game changer in our dynamic/relationship. When I am struggling I still go to this list 9 years later. It helps put me in a submissive mindset, and now because he knows why I gave him the questions, he also knows I’m actively doing my part to help put us back where we both want to be.

    BUT an immediate thing you can do is write him a Thank You letter. I won’t go on and on, but I will link a very old post for you to read if you want to know what I said and how it worked for both of us.

    https://barneymarriedwilma.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-chat-letter.html

    Hope you feel better soon.

    willie

    Liked by 1 person

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