Disclaimer… i started this post almost a week ago…. so the “tonight” was 5-days ago now…..
Like house smoked brisket green chile pizza with smoked paprika on it. (who does that really?)
But the other thing that doesn’t work… sometimes…. is D/s or DD. Sometimes, it just doesn’t.
i usually praise it. At how well it works. And it does. Until it doesn’t.
So i like to tell you about the times it works. That is positive, fun to talk about, and it creates an “all warm and fuzzy inside,” kind of feeling.
But that’s not real life, at least not 100% of the time anyway. So this post is going to be “real life” with you and tell you about how the lifestyle we have just doesn’t ALWAYS work. (But let’s be real, nothing in life “always” works, right?)
So now i’ll tell you about our night tonight… and tell you how our lifestyle hasn’t made things “all good” for us tonight.
In fact, as i write this, we are still officially in a fight. And i am about to head to sleep, in the guest room. i’d like to tell you i’m sad about this, but right now, i am still so mad i just can’t be sad. After i calm down, i will likely be in tears and be sad, because that’s what i do. But at this moment, i am honestly…. just mad… still.
So what happened anyway? And will this be ok?
i’ll answer the second one first… yes, this will be ok. In fact, it will be fine by tomorrow after we both calm down.
Back to the first question now…..
So David set up a date with a new couple. A first date. i wasn’t too crazy about going, mostly because i don’t do well on Friday nights. i am tired from a long week of work and after getting up early every day, i am mentally and physically just tired. So on Friday’s, i am ready to do “nothing at all.” Or something with “just” my family, where i put on NO airs whatsoever.
But i didn’t argue or disagree. i just got ready and we went. This was probably the first mistake though. i should’ve just said i didn’t want to go. But it felt like a party-pooper kinda thing to say or do, so i didn’t.
We went to a restaurant that i have never been to. The weather was nice, and we sat outside. Perfect. And it really was at this point. i tried to tell myself to just enjoy the evening. But i could tell i wasn’t in the right frame of mind. So i smiled and was just (relatively) quiet and let the others talk.
i was looking at the menu and everything from the drinks to the food was filled with descriptions that when i was done reading it, i felt like i had no “real” certainty of what anything would actually taste like. It was not a fancy place at all really, but let’s just say the menu-designer (or chef) used a lot of 50 cent words to make it fancier than was necessary.
Here’s an example: Green Chile Smoked Brisket oven fired pizza. Here’s what the menu says about it, “smoked house brisket | poblano salsa | goat cheese | roasted corn | smoked paprika.”
That’s a pizza! Who smokes paprika? And then puts it on a pizza? Where is the basic marguerita or pepperoni with mozzarella?
i don’t especially like to go “exotic” when it comes to my meals. i mean, i will try new stuff, but i have to have some confidence that i will end up with something i will want to eat and pay for too.
So now my sour puss mood got even more sour! Because i just wasn’t in the mood for all this “new stuff”.
The entire evening went like this. And as i listened to David tell them things that made us sound rich, famous, jet setting, trendy people, the more annoyed i became.
i felt like he was exaggerating for NO reason, except to either show off or want to be liked. Neither of which do i find attractive qualities in anyone. And so i continued to get even more annoyed.
At the end of the dinner, we parted ways, and the very minute we were in the car, David said, “what’s going on with you? You barely spoke.”
And i said, “well, sometimes you say things that i wonder about, and you said a lot of those things tonight.”
He said, “like what?”
So i told him, “sometimes i think maybe you say things that lead people to believe one way and it’s not exactly the truth and it bothers me.” And he said, “you need to stop now. I’m already getting irritated. I never lied about anything tonight. So just stop!”
i did. i stopped. But if truth be told, i think he got irritated because i think he didn’t like me calling him out on his behavior. And as i have told you before, most of the time… if it just doesn’t matter, its often better to keep your mouth closed. While i did stop, the proverbial cat was out of the bag.
As we approached the house, after sitting in silence for much of the ride home, he said, “is it time for a spanking?”
And i said, “No.”
He said, “Since when do you get to decide??”
i said, “since you ASKED, and i answered.”
And we proceeded to get into a yelling match from there. Because my tone was NOT submissive in ANY way. (At one point i yelled, “Don’t ASK if you don’t want an answer given! And while i will accept it, i will never volunteer for a spanking!”)
And i am STILL mad. But at least now we went from yelling to silent treatment. And i am ok with that!
Now this is where our dynamic has failed us tonight. Most of the time, we don’t fight. We talk rationally. And when that fails, i do get spanked – mostly for failure to yield.
But when we are both SO angry, like we are tonight, it is NOT a good time to spank. i probably wouldn’t accept it anyway, not with the right heart anyway. And he might not deliver it well either, and probably not with the right intention or leadership also.
This is where, had he indeed spanked me, i think we both would look back later and think it was unjust, improper, and (possibly) abusive.
Instead, i picked up my pillow and moved to the guest room……..With my iPad to be able to tell you all about it.
Disclaimer number two……Here is where i will finish this post “tonight,” in real time…..
i didn’t end up finishing that post because when i got that far, about 20-minutes into being in the guest room, David texted me and said, “I think you need to come back to our bed to sleep here with me.”
It was a test. And we both knew it.
i didn’t want to! i wanted to be mad. But i also knew i wouldn’t be mad forever, and why be stubborn just for the sake of it too??
So i texted back and said, “Yes Sir.”
And picked up my pillow and went back to our room. i got in bed and he said, “Good night. I love you.” And i said the same. That was all the words we spoke.
So with that, a truce and cease fire had been issued.
The next morning, we didn’t really say much. We said some, but really it was over and done.
In thinking about it now though….. in some ways, maybe our lifestyle dynamic did NOT fail us. While the “normal way” we do things didn’t go as usual, in the end, he was my Dom and told me to come to bed, and i was his submissive and complied.
So while he didn’t use force of the paddle, he did use his power of words. And i exercised my right to submit. It is a right and i do have a decision to make. And i still choose David as my Head or Household, dominant, Sir and husband.
So this week has been dull compared to this past weekend. And i am only now deciding this was “blog post worthy.” It took me several days of debating if i was going to broadcast that our dynamic failed us, we got into a huge fight, and i was doubting things for a hot minute there.
But in the end, our dynamic really has worked… just in an unexpected way.
And Friday maintenance is upcoming and eminent too! So maybe the paddle will collide with my rear soon enough!