118 – Labels… of the submissive type

i have been exploring the idea of putting a “label” on my submission. i don’t know why exactly, but i think it’s because when you label something or someone, it makes it become more real to you. Like, when i say i have a red car…. you now know i drive a CAR (not a SUV, truck or minivan) and it is red. Now you can see it in your mind, and this is why they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

But since i can’t do research of what a specific submissive label LOOKS like, i’ve instead done research of what it SOUNDS like and am going to try it on for size to see if it FEELS like me. In doing all this research, i’ve come to realize just how many labels there are. Here i thought “submissive” was a label, and while it technically is… it’s apparently just a quite generic type of label too.

Like what do i mean? Well… there is the bratty submissive (which i did label myself already), the experimentalist submissive, the baby girl or middle submissive, exhibitionist submissive (which i realized i kinda already claimed also!), rope bunny submissive, non-monogamist submissive, the masochist submissive,… etc.

(“Well Forrest……. like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried.”)

So i’d have to say i could probably put ALL those (listed above) particular submissive labels onto myself! But maybe a few just in a strangely defined way. (Stay tuned). But if i had to pick one…. uhm…. ok, time out….. WHY exactly do i need to pick just ONE?? i’m not sure that i can. And you can’t make me!

Seriously though…..since i already DID pick just one, the BRATTY SUBMISSIVE, i suppose that’s the one that i most associate with. But i’m not entirely sure that’s true either.

Before all this research, i’d tell you i was the Experimentalist Submissive (ES). One site describes the ES as:

“Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.”

Uh yeah… that definitely sounds like me….. in life AND in the bedroom too!

My mom used to tell me, “you know…. Curiosity killed the Cat.” In fact, i heard it so much that i began to respond back with, “well, its a good thing the cat has 9-lives then!”

And did you know that “Curiosity killed the Cat is only half of the saying?” The whole saying is: Curiosity killed the Cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

According to Wikipedia, “Although the original version was used to warn of the dangers of unnecessary investigation or experimentation, the addition of the rejoinder indicates that the risk would lead to resurrection because of the satisfaction felt after finding out. The resurrection element may be a reference to the multiple lives of a cat.”

Ok…. now we are getting somewhere! It all comes full circle!

i have always said (even on this site a time or two!), that people should have an open mind and be willing to try new things. How do you KNOW you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it?

We probably all heard as a kid when the peas were set out in front of us, “how do you know you don’t like it? You haven’t even tried it.” And i’m guilty of saying it to my kid a time or two too!

Well….. i have tried it. And peas are gross. Their consistency is as gross as their flavor, especially that inside. As soon as you bite into it, you have this squishy, mealy, pasty inside stuff on your tongue! Ugh…. blah… gag! Gross! Just gross!

But if you’ve never tried it, you wouldn’t know it from simply looking at them. Because their outside covering shows them as a simple, small, innocent-looking, solid round ball that just roll around on your plate.

Soooooo i try new things. While i have rode in a hot air balloon, i don’t just try exciting, thriller type things, but everyday things too…. like peas.

So much so my life-motto used to be, “i’ll try anything once.” But after awhile, i even knew that “once” may not be enough to try new things either! Maybe that one time was a bad experience. How would you know that unless you tried it again to compare?

Maybe the peas were overcooked and if they hadn’t been, their inside consistency would be different? So i know i didn’t like them the first time, but cooked differently i would have. (And i did… and peas are still gross!)

So now my motto is, “i try things at least twice, to confirm the first opinion was accurate.”

Experimentalist through and through! In everything!

So sure when i asked for D/s, i didn’t KNOW what i was getting into exactly. But i did know, i wanted to try it. i wanted to experiment!

i knew it wouldn’t hurt to try it (ok, so it DOES hurt but who knew!). and what we were doing at the time wasn’t working either. So what did i have to lose?!

And now, i try all sorts of things in the bedroom ….. no panties, no bra, corsets, chastity, anal plugs and anal sex ……… i bet you don’t have as much experience as me!

Now where a ES can get into trouble here is when he/she “tells” their Dom about all these things they want to try. The ES is merely trying to convey their fantasies and desires to experiment, but the Dom may just decide the ES isn’t “S” – submissive – at all. And trying to tell the Dom how do their part…. or… topping from the bottom!

It seems like the best thing for a ES would be a ED (Experimentalist Dom …..NO, i did not mean Erectile dysfunction — get your mind outta the gutter. Lol.).

But stop and ask yourself….. Have you even tried half of the things you say are awful or terrible? Next time you find yourself saying, “That’s bad” or otherwise having predetermined it’s not for you….. including the peas…. maybe you should stop and ask yourself, “have I even tried it at all…. Or twice to confirm?”

And if not….. try it!! Because you just might like it…. the way i like being submissive and i dare say… spanked too!




  1. Hi Marie!

    I love the blog tag of “green peas are gross.” Should we expect more green pea stories in the future? Hehe

    I’ve similarly spent a lot of time this year trying to categorize my particular type of “submissiveness” and my conclusion is that it ebbs and flows with what my needs are at the time qnd that’s okay.

    Someone once told me that they hoped I wouldn’t get lost in my head trying to find out the difference and strangely that has helped me be okay with the fact that I cannot wrap myself up in a neat label.

    Thank you for another insightful & thought provoking blog topic. ♡


  2. Great post, Marie! I haven’t spent much time considering labels and it was very interesting hearing about some of the various labels for submissives (who knew there were so many?). I’m not sure that I could neatly wrap myself up in one label. I had also never heard the full saying about the cat and curiosity… I will definitely pack this away in my memory to be touted out the next time I hear someone say “curiosity killed the cat”! 🙂

    • I know littles and middles aren’t exactly the same, but for how I’m intending to blog (next) about them, I’m going to lump them together. Stay tuned… 😉

      • Perhaps you should just wait to see what I say about them too ☺️. I think you’ll see that what I say will be on point.

  3. Great posts. Labels are always tricky. They help describe and communicate, but they also often box us in. And words mean different things to different people, so whatever the description, whatever the word, it often evokes a different meaning to different people.
    I love the “try anything twice” mentality. Too often we reject something after one bad experience, only to learn there were certain factors that made it “bad” and that, once omitted, the experience was awesome. It’s always a balance. It’s important to have limits, but it is valuable to test those limits from time to time. There are things I now love that I once thought abhorrent. There are things I now accept that, while not on my “most favorite list” I find to at least be tolerable and serve a purpose beyond my immediate pleasure.
    I admire your awesome posting streak! You’re like a daily newspaper… a kinky one, but one I read almost every day!

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