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Tag: deep thoughts

151 – November and me and Sir

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Do not mix. i have NO idea why.

We have been married (almost) 20-years now and dated for 5-before that. And (almost) without fail, every November is the hardest month of the entire year for our relationship.

And this November has been NO different!

This is one reason you haven’t heard much from me…. i have been sad, unhappy, and generally depressed about it all. It doesn’t make for good writing, let alone happy, smiling, or feeling appreciated.

We have been “off” most of the month. i told you about one disagreement already, but then just a mere 6-days later we had another argument. And these were the “big battles” among many small skirmishes too.

We simply do not communicate well, respond to one another well, and generally have a horrible month. It’s something about the time of year, the weather change, or just the turn of the calendar because by December things always improve again.

Add to that, when we fight we are NOT nice to one another. In fact, i have said “we go for the jugular.” Two people who even “like” one another should not WANT to hurt one another…. ever. Verbally, physically, or mentally.

And yet….. we do.

We just get THAT mad at one another. Now i have said that the opposite of love is NOT hate. When you hate someone (or something), you still have a lot of emotion about it. No, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care at all to even be mad you have simply given up. So the fact that we fight, even with how horribly we are to one another, we do still care! That’s the silver lining.

So now… after starting out terribly, i decided to make a very big effort to end it differently.

Making lemonade from lemons.

In control of my own destiny.

Make life be what you want.

Mind over matter.

Make it happen.

Just do it.

Ok…. enough of the pep talk. So what am i even talking about??

Well….. if two people who love one another shouldn’t want to make each other mad (and hurting), then what should you be doing instead?!?

Yes….. things that make one another happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So i decided to do just that.

i am not telling Sir this is what i am up to. It is just going to happen. And i suspect he will notice and be happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

It takes work to be nice though!! Especially when you don’t feel like it. When you feel wronged, you want to be vindicated. You want the other person to initiate the solution. You want them to apologize, be kind to you, and ……. make you feel happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on. You think “THEY should be the one to fix this!”

The trouble with this … is you both are thinking the same thing. You both want the other person to initiate the solution. But too often we think, “why should I be the one to fix this? I’m not the problem! He/she should say they are sorry…..”. And the cycle never ends. Or ends poorly at best!

So today, i decided i will be the solution. i have clearly been with David long enough to know the things that make him happy (or unhappy), smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So instead of thinking about how he is the problem and/or should implement the solution, i decided it doesn’t matter who is the problem. i know how to fix this. i just need to do it. Be in control of my own destiny. Make it happen.

Make November end on a positive and good note and significantly better than how it has started!

And i started this morning.

i tend to eat breakfast on the go. Something quick, easy, and in the car. Something like a piece of fruit and a granola bar. Rarely do i take the time to “make” breakfast. But i decided today i would.

Additionally, all 3 of us (David, myself, AND our son) tend to go our own ways and do our own thing for breakfast. All in the name of just getting ourselves out the door and the day started.

But today, i decided it would be different. And instead of “just” slowing down and cooking breakfast for myself, i also made David breakfast too.

He was surprised. But he was happy, smiled, felt appreciated, and on and on. And he also thanked me! He noticed!

It also made ME feel better. i felt happy, smiled, appreciated, and on and on. i find great joy in serving others, especially David. i like treating others as you’d like to be treated. i like doing good in the world.

So not only has our day started out better with a good breakfast, but now we have a good attitude too!

Today is the start of a new end of a November. Breaking the cycle starting now. A much needed change to the negativity and problems we have brought about every November (as well as already in this first half of this one too!).

Now i have to come up with what tomorrow’s “good thing” will be…… suggestions?? (Careful what you suggest – as i might just turn it around and ask “have you done that for someone you care about lately too?!”)

Lastly….. i am disappointed that our DD relationship has not worked as intended this month. We haven’t been in (many) fights at all since implementing this lifestyle about 2-years ago. But we haven’t given up on it either. And we won’t. Like everything though, it just needs some tweaking. We will get back on track and it starts now… today… with a good breakfast.

And with feelings of being happy, smiling, feeling appreciated , and on and on.

Hugs –

Marie

144 – General Update on Me

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i have had some deadlines at work prohibiting me to be here as much as i have been in recent months. But now most of that is behind me and i should be able to post more frequently again.

But i thought a general all-around update could be nice for those who wonder these things…..

COVID – has of course caused everyone anxiety and stress. And we are all dealing with it in our own ways.

Overall, i think i have mentally adjusted to the new-Normal. For us in Texas but also personally, that means masks worn in public places, and especially inside buildings. And always inside any building, unless eating and drinking. Stay reasonably and as far apart from others as possible. Don’t shake hands, or even fist/elbow bumps. Just don’t touch!

But other than that, our lives are “pretty much the way they were before covid.” So people asking about us going out – to dinner, to shop, to the movies, etc – my life is about the same as it was before.

i actually went to the movies just yesterday with my sister. We were the ONLY people in the theater. Literally. It was quite nice. i happen to think people are afraid of the germs (at say the theater) so they don’t go there. But that’s what makes it best for me…. when everyone else stays home, i get to go …. alone! No germs AND get popcorn too!

PIERCINGS – All of the piercings have healed quite nicely. The nipples are a tad sensitive when David gets too crazy pinching/pulling on them. But he’s aware of when that is and he stops. And the clit is the same really.

David says he likes putting his mouth on the jewelry and letting his tongue play with it. And i rather like letting him too! 🥰

i am about ready to go back to get the jewelry changed to something less about function and more about beauty. i am a bit afraid to change it out myself the first time, so i’ll go and watch them (and have them teach me) this first time. But now to pick out something that i deem “beautiful” too!

CHASTITY – hasn’t been done since before our Colorado summer vacation. i don’t want to do it now with the clit piercing. At least not for awhile. It fits so tightly, by design, i am afraid the clit piercing may get hurt, damaged, pull/pinch, etc. so i am intentionally not wanting it right now.

But i’m not really sure David ever much liked it anyway. He wanted me to control my urges to NOT play with myself without permission. And absent that, then fine, apply the chastity. But instead it was really me who wanted it. To help me control myself. i think David saw it as a crutch for myself. i think he wants me to want to submit…. voluntarily…. even if it’s hard. Whereas a chastity belt meant i had the ability to be (mentally) lazy and just rely on it. i feel i will need it again sometime, and i don’t think it was being lazy but rather helpful. So we shall see. But not for a bit until i absolutely know the clit is completely 100% healed.

BRA AND PANTIES– while i was given them back, i wear them sparingly. It isn’t a given that they just go on in the morning. i don’t have to report to David when i wear them, but he still more-or-less expects that they are worn when necessary – and definitely not around him.

i happen to think that this will just always be my norm. i have basically not worn a bra now for 16-months and panties for close to the same. And i am good with this!

It worked on my favor yesterday when i was dressing for work and getting ready to leave. David came up behind me, and hugged me in a spooning way. His arms wrapped around me and cupped my breasts. He said, “yum… no bra!” And i smiled and said, “yes, of course, Sir”. He then moved his hands south and pulled up my dress and said, “no panties too! Perfect! Now go lay on the bed and get your reward”

And he proceeded to get me wet until i was allowed to orgasm….. (yes, i ask permission to orgasm every time too. Still.).

NAKED – i am still struggling with this. i am not sure i like it… but not sure i don’t. i have gotten used to being naked to sleep. But then when i awake, i want to put clothes on. i suspect some of it is “that’s what you are supposed to do.” But some of it is practicality, with our son at home … but also i get cold without clothes on!

Our son is a Junior in HS . So in another 2-years he will be off to college. Maybe by then, i will have embraced the nakedness and with him out of the house, do it all the time.

(Or maybe by then, my clit will have healed and i’ll have embraced chastity again and sport that around the house! Lol)

EXERCISE – well… chocolate still calls my name periodically and i have to tell her to sit down and shut up. And that’s hard. And Exercise still calls my name too, and i want to tell her to sit down and shut up. But i don’t. i walk 2-miles a day, most days. On days of bad weather, i don’t. But otherwise, that’s become the norm. i have lost 5 lbs, and i am happy with the progress. Hopefully it continues! i am thinking of getting a treadmill though because with the shorter/winter days starting to become a thing, i get scared to walk alone at night. And i am afraid this pattern (of walking and getting exercise) may end if i am not vigilant.

BJ – well, like i have said before, it is super hard to find 4-people who ALL like one another. So this started with promise, but looks to have faded. And unfortunately will likely die out. Maybe not enough sunshine, or water…. but the relationship grew and then suddenly the green-thumb turned brown. Makes me sad, but it isn’t entirely unexpected. If we ever find a couple that we are entirely compatible with, i will be thrilled. But i am highly skeptical too. So we will continue to just have periodic fun as it comes about.

ADDITIONAL FICTION STORIES– Probably coming soon. i was thinking of moving it to a website like Literotica though too. i realize that it is kinda an extension of me. It’s not real, and hasn’t ever been. Instead it is the things that go on in my head and start as a result of something that was real. Kinda like “x and y happened in real life. And then it got me to thinking that z would’ve been a nice next step.” So it sometimes gets confusing to me, and i think possibly some of you also. As in “what is real-real and what is not??”

SPANKING – and Discipline – and Maintenance – Because of my big deadline at work, David gave me a free pass on the Maintenance Friday sessions. We haven’t done it now for 3-weeks.

And i’ve been a good-girl and haven’t had to receive punishment in a long time now.

All very good! But as much as i’d tell you i am not a fan of the actual discipline, the knowledge of my place in our marriage and letting David be in control makes me very happy.

And when we aren’t doing as much discipline (like now), i can always tell when things are slipping “out of the ordinary” and needing to be “put back in place.” And we are about there.

So i may have to ask to be spanked soon, but i really HATE the actual discipline too. So it’s a double edged sword. i will likely insist on it on Friday. And i have no doubt, my bottom will end up quite sore from me insisting it happens and it is “appropriately intense.” But i truly think i am to the place that i NEED it.

i sometimes think needing to be spanked feels like an addiction… where at the moment, i am going through withdrawal and detox. And i don’t like it. So i crave the discipline. Chew on that for just a hot minute!!

That’s it!

That’s all i can think of for now. Anything i missed?

And i have been receiving more emails too, so i’ll probably continue to work my way through those in upcoming posts as well.

Hugs,

Marie

140 – FULLY

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In my last post i wrote that a submissive should submit “fully”. And then Willie replied showing me how that’s not exactly true. Even for me.

My intentions in that post were ultimately just to explore the reasons people may not have anal sex or anal play. And to give some thoughts about considering breaking down that hard limit. But i’m afraid the post missed the mark too.

i do still understand and appreciate that everyone has hard limits, and there are multiple reasons for them, and they are there to stay…. and it’s ok. Really – it is! (i have them too.)

So after Willie’s comment, i got to thinking more about “fully submissive” and what that means (or doesn’t).

But even stop for a second and let’s talk about the word “FULLY” all by itself. It means to the top, completely, to the furthest extent, not possible to go anymore.

So i really think anyone living a D/s lifestyle, trying to be the best submissive spouse possible, and doing it in the way that works for them —- IS FULLY SUBMISSIVE.

Yet, even for a “FULLY SUBMISSIVE” person, there are things that it does NOT mean. There are hard limits. Even for me too.

And that’s GOOD. It means you have a brain in the head that’s sitting on your shoulders, and you aren’t afraid to use it.

So what won’t i do as a FULLY submissive wife?

Here’s a few……

1) The same as Willie mentioned, i refuse to be slapped in the face. i feel that is offensive and abusive. And just unnecessary. There are so many other places to spank, that the face shouldn’t be the go-to.

2) i don’t want to be treated like an animal. i don’t want to be made to be on all 4’s, not allowed to eat with my hands/silverware, or while sitting at the table. i might like this as a one-time/ sexual scene. But not as an everyday dynamic. Because we don’t just do D/s with DD in the bedroom (it is 24/7), we try to do things that are reasonable and manageable for every day life.

3) i won’t be verbally scolded and told to be a submissive. That seems trivial at first, but what it means to me is my R-I-G-H-T to chose to be submissive. If someone TELLS me to do it or be it, it seems like it has taken away my right. And i can’t and won’t have that. In fact, if i were told to be submissive, i suspect that would be enough for me to say “NO!” And rebel against it!

There’s others too, and maybe that will be another post too. And maybe the things i mention are ones that you might say i should consider breaking down that barrier and give me reasons to have it not be a hard limit. (The way i tried to do in the anal access previous post). And i would probably listen, and yet, probably NOT accept your way of thinking! And that’s ok too! Because i listened, heard, and rejected it as the way for me.

So if that’s what you did with the last post, i get it and i accept that.

My ultimate point is that, i do know and respect that everyone has different hard limits for various reasons. And i did a poor job (in the last post) of saying that i understand and respect that.

Soooo i fully agree – you are fully submissive – in the way you do things. (And so am i too).

So what ARE your hard limits anyway, besides anal? Would you ever consider changing any of them? Tell me more.

Have an an amazing week my friends!

Hugs,

Marie

134 – Permission or Forgiveness?

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Sometimes asking permission is better than asking forgiveness. And sometimes not. But most of the time, especially in my marriage, i think it is.

The phrase “it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,” has been used to justify some less than altruistic purposes over the years. But that was never the intention when Admiral Grace Hopper popularized the phrase in 1982. What she meant was that (sometimes) it is better to act decisively and apologize for it later, than to seek approval to act and risk delay, objections, etc. and if you read the quote (exactly) as it is above, you can easily see that she’s saying, “if it’s a GOOD idea….(THEN move forward).”

When Navy officer Hopper was quoted with these words, she was talking specifically about her work on computers during WWII. At the time, 99% of Americans (maybe all people worldwide) had never seen a computer, and likely most didn’t know what it would be used for even if they had seen one.

Because she knew she was in the military (government), probably the biggest red tape society that ever existed, asking permission may have been tantamount to nothing more than an exercise in learning patience and the zen practices of relaxation. For all the waiting…… AND waiting…she’d have to do if she asked permission for everything she wanted to do. So she decided to go for it and ask forgiveness later.

In my normal/daily/ boring life, and especially at work, i agree with Hopper. i think that taking calculated risks that are ultimately designed for the better, is a good thing! Much of the time, this is successful and other people appreciate the initiative taken by those that just went for it. And in those few times where it is not successful, you ask forgiveness and hope the non-success wasn’t too detrimental in the end and that the forgiveness is granted!

But in my marriage, it is FAR better to ask permission than forgiveness. Permission is zen and peaceful, whereas forgiveness is loud and painful (when the paddle collides with my rear end)!

So i recently asked for a spanking when i really kinda thought i didn’t need to or shouldn’t have to have one. While i thought my anger was justified, i knew i wasn’t full of submissive or respectful thoughts about and towards my husband. It was the anger and stress that i was feeling that caused me to think i needed to be spanked. If nothing else, i figures that the spanking would promote stress relief. So i asked permission to receive a spanking.

But that spanking did NOT happen, as i had expected!

David decided i did not need it. At all. While i wasn’t in a submissive mindset at the time, i handled the situation wayyyyyy better than i might would have in the past (Aka: pre-DD). For that alone, i was indeed acting submissive!

He respected that i asked for (permission) a spanking and admitted to my less-than-submissive thoughts too.

So by ASKING for a spanking…. and admitting my fault, he told me a spanking was simply not necessary.

He also said that if i had not admitted my stress or non-submissive mindset, or if i had actually yelled at him… i assuredly would have had a hard time sitting down after that.

So by asking permission and not just going for it to have to ask for forgiveness, my actions were positively rewarded!

He also explained that as he was talking to me about the problem at hand…….. the one he wanted me to call about…… the more annoyed he became at the Company. So that’s when he decided i would likely have “been nice” to them if i had talked to them directly so he decided to call himself and try to get it done directly.

He apologized for having wasted my time and for not telling me he decided to call himself. And all in all…. he recognized he was not in the right.

i was validated! And avoided punishment and got an apology. All because i held my temper and my tongue and was willing to submit to a spanking … if for no other reason than stress relief!

So see……submissiveness really works!

Of course, then the next day was a Friday so there’s the maintenance session(s) anyway! But still. i avoided TWO spankings for the week at least!

i think i’ll talk more about maintenance again soon. It’s just so hard to explain why i actually like it, and why it too is a good thing. But i’ll give it another try.

Hugs,

Marie

Day 20: my submissiveness

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DAY 20: KINK CURIOUS…Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about or don’t understand.

Curious…. well… there so much. i guess that’s why i associate with being an experimentalist. And one day (bucket list!) i will exhaust all the possibilities and/or run out of ideas of things to try. Is that even possible?

Don’t understand?…. uhm…. i don’t understand why so many people are judgmental and close minded. Wait, that’s me in LIFE, not necessarily just really in kink. Seriously though. Why are so many people convinced that their way is the right way?

Disclaimer: i may or may not have gone off the rails with the rest of this post. Maybe i am sick or maybe i have covid! Maybe that’s the reason for this crazy opinion filled post. i’ll let you be the judge….

(While unintentional, i guess this links back a bit to my previous posts about what to do when he is wrong).

Right and wrong… in many instances there is no true right or true wrong, rather it is opinion. At the risk of all of you revolting with crazy comments to me about how WRONG i am, i am going to broach a sensitive topic here and offer up the following example…..

Masks.

Do masks work? Any mask? Or just particular ones? Or none at all?

Now i haven’t actually even given you my OPINION on the topic, but i suspect you already have your opinion. And it’s just that: opinion. Okay, now some of you are going, “no, it’s fact because i can find something on the internet to support my opinion, therefore, making it fact.”

i was waiting to check out in a store recently when an older gentleman (without a mask on) was in front of me. When he got to the counter, the cashier stood straight backed and said proud and firm, “Sir, it is the store’s policy to have everyone wear a mask. If you don’t want to be asked to leave, you need to put on a mask.”

And he responded, equally proud and firm, “then you best check me out quickly so I can get out of here equally quick before you are forced to ask me to leave.”

The cashier was stunned at his response and momentarily paralyzed really. (What do you think happened next?? What do you think is the Right answer… to the situation, what should’ve happened next, or what actually did happen next?)

So do you see the craziness here? We are all so busy trying to prove we are right, that we miss the ultimate point…. if you are so close minded and confined you are right, you may not have the right answer at all. And miss it altogether in the process of being so adamant about your opinion.

And yes, there are so many options right now regarding COVID… mask/not and go out in public/stay home, officially quarantine/not. The only things we seem to universally agree on is that washing hands and staying 6 ft apart works. (But even that,.. who decided SIX feet was the magical distancing space required? i mean, why not 7 or 8 or just 5? And has this FACT been studied to confirm it is RIGHT too? Or is that just an OPINION as well?)

Ok, so what’s my point? It’s that if there are so many opinions about everything from covid to sex…. then why can’t people be a bit more open-minded overall? Maybe recognize your thoughts are just opinions. And if you were open minded, you’d be able to objectively hear another perspective and sometimes find that your way was indeed wrong and what you are hearing at that moment is actually right.

By the way, i’m not suggesting you have to accept these opinions as your own. You just have to open enough o hear them out… and allow others to accept them as their own. i’ve said for years that, “you do you and i will do me. We can recognize we have different ways without imposing our ways on each other. And if our ways coincide, that’s even better. But in the meantime, i’ll still hear you out too.”

So ultimately i guess i just don’t understand what makes the people of the world be so adamant about their way being the only RIGHT way. And being so close minded in the process.

Do you have any opinions … or fact…. on what makes people so sure their way is the right way?

Hugs,

Marie