134 – Permission or Forgiveness?

Sometimes asking permission is better than asking forgiveness. And sometimes not. But most of the time, especially in my marriage, i think it is.

The phrase “it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,” has been used to justify some less than altruistic purposes over the years. But that was never the intention when Admiral Grace Hopper popularized the phrase in 1982. What she meant was that (sometimes) it is better to act decisively and apologize for it later, than to seek approval to act and risk delay, objections, etc. and if you read the quote (exactly) as it is above, you can easily see that she’s saying, “if it’s a GOOD idea….(THEN move forward).”

When Navy officer Hopper was quoted with these words, she was talking specifically about her work on computers during WWII. At the time, 99% of Americans (maybe all people worldwide) had never seen a computer, and likely most didn’t know what it would be used for even if they had seen one.

Because she knew she was in the military (government), probably the biggest red tape society that ever existed, asking permission may have been tantamount to nothing more than an exercise in learning patience and the zen practices of relaxation. For all the waiting…… AND waiting…she’d have to do if she asked permission for everything she wanted to do. So she decided to go for it and ask forgiveness later.

In my normal/daily/ boring life, and especially at work, i agree with Hopper. i think that taking calculated risks that are ultimately designed for the better, is a good thing! Much of the time, this is successful and other people appreciate the initiative taken by those that just went for it. And in those few times where it is not successful, you ask forgiveness and hope the non-success wasn’t too detrimental in the end and that the forgiveness is granted!

But in my marriage, it is FAR better to ask permission than forgiveness. Permission is zen and peaceful, whereas forgiveness is loud and painful (when the paddle collides with my rear end)!

So i recently asked for a spanking when i really kinda thought i didn’t need to or shouldn’t have to have one. While i thought my anger was justified, i knew i wasn’t full of submissive or respectful thoughts about and towards my husband. It was the anger and stress that i was feeling that caused me to think i needed to be spanked. If nothing else, i figures that the spanking would promote stress relief. So i asked permission to receive a spanking.

But that spanking did NOT happen, as i had expected!

David decided i did not need it. At all. While i wasn’t in a submissive mindset at the time, i handled the situation wayyyyyy better than i might would have in the past (Aka: pre-DD). For that alone, i was indeed acting submissive!

He respected that i asked for (permission) a spanking and admitted to my less-than-submissive thoughts too.

So by ASKING for a spanking…. and admitting my fault, he told me a spanking was simply not necessary.

He also said that if i had not admitted my stress or non-submissive mindset, or if i had actually yelled at him… i assuredly would have had a hard time sitting down after that.

So by asking permission and not just going for it to have to ask for forgiveness, my actions were positively rewarded!

He also explained that as he was talking to me about the problem at hand…….. the one he wanted me to call about…… the more annoyed he became at the Company. So that’s when he decided i would likely have “been nice” to them if i had talked to them directly so he decided to call himself and try to get it done directly.

He apologized for having wasted my time and for not telling me he decided to call himself. And all in all…. he recognized he was not in the right.

i was validated! And avoided punishment and got an apology. All because i held my temper and my tongue and was willing to submit to a spanking … if for no other reason than stress relief!

So see……submissiveness really works!

Of course, then the next day was a Friday so there’s the maintenance session(s) anyway! But still. i avoided TWO spankings for the week at least!

i think i’ll talk more about maintenance again soon. It’s just so hard to explain why i actually like it, and why it too is a good thing. But i’ll give it another try.




  1. I am proud of you, my friend! As a fellow submissive, I recognize how difficult it is to change behavior and communication patterns in a marriage. You did well, and your efforts were recognized by your Dom <3

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