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Day 20: my submissiveness

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DAY 20: KINK CURIOUS…Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about or don’t understand.

Curious…. well… there so much. i guess that’s why i associate with being an experimentalist. And one day (bucket list!) i will exhaust all the possibilities and/or run out of ideas of things to try. Is that even possible?

Don’t understand?…. uhm…. i don’t understand why so many people are judgmental and close minded. Wait, that’s me in LIFE, not necessarily just really in kink. Seriously though. Why are so many people convinced that their way is the right way?

Disclaimer: i may or may not have gone off the rails with the rest of this post. Maybe i am sick or maybe i have covid! Maybe that’s the reason for this crazy opinion filled post. i’ll let you be the judge….

(While unintentional, i guess this links back a bit to my previous posts about what to do when he is wrong).

Right and wrong… in many instances there is no true right or true wrong, rather it is opinion. At the risk of all of you revolting with crazy comments to me about how WRONG i am, i am going to broach a sensitive topic here and offer up the following example…..

Masks.

Do masks work? Any mask? Or just particular ones? Or none at all?

Now i haven’t actually even given you my OPINION on the topic, but i suspect you already have your opinion. And it’s just that: opinion. Okay, now some of you are going, “no, it’s fact because i can find something on the internet to support my opinion, therefore, making it fact.”

i was waiting to check out in a store recently when an older gentleman (without a mask on) was in front of me. When he got to the counter, the cashier stood straight backed and said proud and firm, “Sir, it is the store’s policy to have everyone wear a mask. If you don’t want to be asked to leave, you need to put on a mask.”

And he responded, equally proud and firm, “then you best check me out quickly so I can get out of here equally quick before you are forced to ask me to leave.”

The cashier was stunned at his response and momentarily paralyzed really. (What do you think happened next?? What do you think is the Right answer… to the situation, what should’ve happened next, or what actually did happen next?)

So do you see the craziness here? We are all so busy trying to prove we are right, that we miss the ultimate point…. if you are so close minded and confined you are right, you may not have the right answer at all. And miss it altogether in the process of being so adamant about your opinion.

And yes, there are so many options right now regarding COVID… mask/not and go out in public/stay home, officially quarantine/not. The only things we seem to universally agree on is that washing hands and staying 6 ft apart works. (But even that,.. who decided SIX feet was the magical distancing space required? i mean, why not 7 or 8 or just 5? And has this FACT been studied to confirm it is RIGHT too? Or is that just an OPINION as well?)

Ok, so what’s my point? It’s that if there are so many opinions about everything from covid to sex…. then why can’t people be a bit more open-minded overall? Maybe recognize your thoughts are just opinions. And if you were open minded, you’d be able to objectively hear another perspective and sometimes find that your way was indeed wrong and what you are hearing at that moment is actually right.

By the way, i’m not suggesting you have to accept these opinions as your own. You just have to open enough o hear them out… and allow others to accept them as their own. i’ve said for years that, “you do you and i will do me. We can recognize we have different ways without imposing our ways on each other. And if our ways coincide, that’s even better. But in the meantime, i’ll still hear you out too.”

So ultimately i guess i just don’t understand what makes the people of the world be so adamant about their way being the only RIGHT way. And being so close minded in the process.

Do you have any opinions … or fact…. on what makes people so sure their way is the right way?

Hugs,

Marie

123 – what to do when he’s wrong…. and i tell him too?!

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In a previous post, i made a point to tell you that (in most cases), it doesn’t matter if he’s wrong. That even if/when he’s wrong, if it doesn’t matter, i just submit. And let the “wrong” go.

That there’s no real point to saying, “you are wrong!” As in, what purpose does that serve? So i also said then that is when i just don’t say it (“it” being that he’s wrong). And i keep my mouth shut and just submit.

And yet….. sometimes i don’t. i don’t always do as i say and just keep my mouth shut nor do i just submit. Saying it and doing it aren’t always the same. i fully admit that!

And no sooner than i had told you about how submissive i was, did i do the complete opposite!

Last night, David cooked dinner (as always! He cooks, i clean!). And he made boiled shrimp. Yummmm!)

In his cooking, he had a plastic jar of spices that he had used that when i went to put away, i saw the plastic lid was all cut up while still on the jar. That was strange. Wouldn’t it be easier to take the lid off?!? So i asked him, but not in a submissive way.

i showed him the lid and said, “uhmmm why?”

Ok… not only did i not just let it go with the “it doesn’t matter” thought, but i didn’t even exactly ask about it the right way either! i get it and i agree…. now! Thankfully, while i did get a raised eyebrow that said, “is that the right way to speak to me?” that was ALL i got!

What he actually said aloud was, “I couldn’t get the lid off. It was stuck. So I cut it open.”

Now here’s the second opportunity for me to just let it go. But did i??? Uhmmmm no. Of course not! Geez. Didn’t i learn anything when i posted about “it just doesn’t matter”? Apparently not!

i then grabbed the lid and unscrewed it and said, “you couldn’t do this?”

Yeah…. i know….. not a submissive move …. again! i knew it was rather edgy even then too, but i thought it was funny… so i did it.

Again, i deserved more than a raised eyebrow, but didn’t get it. This is one of those times that i’m adding straws to the camel’s back, but it didn’t break. Sooooo when it does break, like what has happened before, i’ll get a goodddddddd and well-deserved punishment too.

Our son heard this entire exchange and looked at me and said, “maybe by cutting it open, it broke the vacuum seal that was possibly there before.”

And David said, “it didn’t unscrew like that before and maybe J is right.”

Our son helped (defend) David. Even our son knew, on some level, that my words and calling David out on his actions that i had deemed “wrong” was probably more wrong than David. Does that sentence read right? i’m trying to say that i was more wrong than David!

So in my quest to show David how wrong he was, i was the one who became “wrong.”

Let’s face it, David was kind in how he responded to my lack of submission. But he certainly didn’t have to be!

Ok. So. Back to the point. No matter WHY he cut open the lid instead of unscrewing it, it really didn’t matter. i mean truly, what did it matter? While it was the “wrong” way to open a jar, he was ingenious to figure out a way to still use its contents and get dinner made. So WHY exactly i felt the need to call David out on it is really a bit beyond me! What was my point in showing David he was wrong when really, he wasn’t. Maybe the jar didn’t open. Maybe this was a better way to use what was inside without breaking the jar or just throwing it away. And what was my point of pointing it out to David that i could now open it just fine? It seemed i wanted to prove i was superior and he was not. Yet, that’s not what submission is all about. Is it? And even our son knew it too….. on his teen/ not-knowing-his-parent’s-marriage-dynamic level.

So i have to take a dose of my own medicine….. and just let it go, remember it just doesn’t matter, and …..

i AM SUBMISSIVE.

Many hugs,

Marie

120 – What to do if he is wrong

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i had a reader email me recently and ask, “what do you do if or when David is wrong? How do you submit to him when you just know that he is wrong?”

And the email went on to ask things like “what about when a parent is wrong and the child is expected to submit? Should you let it go and just submit, or bring it out and try to talk?”

i decided i would use that email as inspiration to make a post …. and show my vulnerability here to all. In fact, i haven’t responded yet to the emailer because i dwelt on and pondered these questions all day. And when i had formulated an answer, i thought maybe i would post it here to put it out there for all to see as well.

Why post it here? Because i suspect the emailer isn’t alone in wanting these answers, but they made a point to step out of their comfort zone and ask me. So i wanted to share my thoughts here for all to read, critique, and maybe even add your thoughts along side mine too.

Ultimately….. i still submit.

Plain and simple.

But there’s always more, right? So here’s the “more” part.

First and foremost, it is biblical. The Bible says Wives are to submit to their Husbands, and Husbands are to love their wives. It does not say Men are to submit to the wife, but rather he is to just love her. And if you want to get technical, it doesn’t say she needs to love him even. While that’s always a good thing, the single directive women have is to submit to their husbands.

And ultimately the Bible also says (in other places) that men are to submit to God and to lead their family. So the ultimate goal is to have one Head of Household (HoH) who follows God, and then she follows him.k creating harmony and unity within every family.

So that’s the overriding reason why i submit.

And yet, it is hard to sometimes hard to submit to an Earthly husband (and/or father… or really any authoritarian in our Earthly world) who does make mistakes and doesn’t follow all of God’s will…. all because he’s as human as the rest of us. He makes mistakes, decisions, and takes actions that are fallible and subject to errors. But i am told by God directly, in plainly written words that i am to submit and obey my husband.

So with that in mind, I submit.

But then if i K-N-O-W David is in the wrong, how exactly do i do that? Well… like everything in life…. it depends! Lol!

It mostly depends on what David is wrong about how exactly i respond really. There are things that he’s wrong about that simple just don’t matter! In those times, i just go with it.

For example, say he is driving to some place we haven’t been to before and i am a passenger. i have it all programmed into Google maps, which is telling us how to get there. And he says something like, “I know a shortcut. We are going this way.” And he turns off the road and takes an alternative route. Well, either he’s dead wrong about it being an available route at all or maybe just wrong about the idea of it being quicker. Either way, i know he’s wrong. In this case, i would do nothing. i would not point it out to him, in fact, i would not say a single word at all! Why? Because it doesn’t matter. He will figure out that we’ve gone off the best path soon enough. And Google will reroute and tell us the new way to go, which may even be to, “Make a u turn at the next street.” So by me pointing it out to David at this point is unnecessary and only serves to make me look arrogant, rude, and obnoxious. And cause us to fight. Which is just trouble for me, for no good reason. Which ultimately leads to discipline.

Now let’s say it’s more serious and it DOES matter. Whatever he’s wrong about can cause big problems because he’s wrong. What do i do then?

Well, i am having a hard time thinking of a good example here, so i am struggling to have an answer too. But what i think i would do is first say something like, “i’m not too sure that’s quite right. Can i tell you what i’m thinking?” And wait to see what he says.

More than likely he will say something like, “ok, what do you think?” and then i would say, “i believe it may be that the answer is…..blah, blah, blah”

But let’s say he doesn’t want to hear my opinion. He says instead, “I know I’m right and your opinion is irrelevant” (or something like that anyway). i would probably try to ask again by saying something like, “i’m quite concerned this may not be the best way forward. i am not sure you have all the facts. Can i please tell you what i know that you may not?” And that would most likely alert him that i think he really should hear me out.

But let’s just say he starts to get irritated and says, “I said no. I meant no. Now stop!” That’s when i typically just submit. And i say, “yes Sir” and get quiet.

Why not try to press on? Well, unless it is life threatening to one of us, i would tell you the answer here is the same as the answer above, it just doesn’t matter in the end. Oh there may be some bad stuff happen as a result of his decision, but does it really matter? i would tell you NO, it most likely does not.

Okay, so what IF it WAS life threatening? Well, i would insist he listen to me. And if he still didn’t listen to me, well now, i would refuse to submit. But notice how many layers i went through before i said i would not submit? Mainly because: 1) the Bible says it is my responsibility to submit, and 2) it just doesn’t really matter in the end.

i would also offer another thought too. Quite often, i find that my thoughts or ways are not “right” and his are not “wrong” either. Frequently it was a matter of opinion, not fact. And everyone is entitled to their opinion in the end. So why not just let him think what he wants and why try to prove i am “right” when in fact, it is just ultimately “different”?

Like in my example above about driving. Sometimes his short cut ways do get us there faster. Just because Google didn’t tell us to go that way, David did in fact know a short cut. So i was not right in thinking he was wrong!

And let’s just say something happens where he ultimately determines he WAS wrong. He wouldn’t say, “you were right” nor would i say, “i told you so,” because rubbing it in is unnecessary at that point. He would know he was wrong, he’d know i knew he was wrong, and we would deal with the consequences of whatever bad stuff happened because of the incorrect decision he made. And we would move on. Life wouldn’t be better (or worse) as a result of that bad decision, or his realization that he was wrong, just slightly different at that point. And in the scheme of things… not much different either.

And i’m ok with all that. i don’t have to be right. And as long as its not life threatening (or causing bodily harm), then…

It just doesn’t matter. And so i submit. i follow God’s will for me as a wife, and i pray that God gives my husband wisdom and guidance to follow God’s will also!

To my fellow submissives, what would you do if your Dom (or parent) was wrong? How would you handle the situation?

Hugs,

Marie

119 – Are all subs “little”? Or middle?

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In thinking about and researching on submissive labels, i’ve read a lot about “littles.” And middles and older littles and younger littles and well…. all littles. i don’t know that i understood before, what it all is or means. Admittedly, i’m still not entirely sure i completely understand now even, but i suppose maybe that’s what this post is ultimately about then too.

For sake of this discussion, i’m going to just use “little” in the entire general sense… meaning all the people who think or act younger than their actual age are all “little” here. It’s just easier to use one word than every possible combination thereof. Now i know people in this space are likely cringing right now, but bear with me for just a few more minutes and hear me out. And see what ya think.

All this research of these submissive types has me wondering……

ARE ALL SUBMISSIVES LITTLE? (Again, common term “little” being used here)

As i understand it, the “little” person wants (needs!) to act in a way that is younger than their actual age, be cared for, give up control, follow directions (orders), and is typically (although not always) the sub in the relationship.

Now it made me wonder, “isn’t that a good way to describe ALL submissives?” As my Sir’s submissive wife, and all subs really do, i give up control, follow orders, and love being cared for.

Minus that part of the definition, what’s left is the “acts at an age younger than their actual” age part, which admittedly is probably THE biggest part of a little being a little. So that may be the deal breaker in my argument that ALL subs are littles. But i’d like to put forth a thought about that too, that maybe it isn’t even really an exception at all and this applies to all submissives too.

i think all submissives act a little younger than their actual age at some point, knowingly or not. Intentionally or not. What do i mean?

Well…. i give up control that i rightfully have, as the adult that i am. i give up control to make decisions, i defer to him for the rules, and i wait to be told things. i let him set the rules and tell me frequently what i can and can’t do. i do all this even though i don’t have to, but instead because i want to.

Ok, so isn’t that also what happened when you lived under the roof of your parents….when you were younger? They made the decisions and set the rules…. when to go to bed, what was for dinner, when to eat, what chores to do, approved if you went out and with whom and when to be home…. and…. they ultimately decided when you were rewarded or punished. So you were at least a little submissive (of some sort) when you were literally a little. And if it’s also now (effectively) the same thing that adults who are submissive are doing… doesn’t that seem to say all subs are littles too? (Like if A= B, and B= C, then A=C….. ??)

At the very least, aren’t all submissives “young’ish” at heart in the way we give up control to our Dom in a similar way to what we did when we lived under our parent’s roof?

Now i know much of the sub world doesn’t explore this dynamic the way some do. Ironically the ones who claim this in their world seem to me to be the adult-grown-up ones. Why do i say that? Well, you have to be mature enough to recognize it about yourself and that this is what you want… and then to also be mentally mature enough to go to that space and to make it work. That seems more intentional, and adult-like than the unaware sub. Oh i’m not saying the intentional littles are not littles (and definitely it criticizing their ability to do it), in fact, really the opposite actually. If they are alert enough to recognize this about themselves and to take action to have it in their relationship too, and to get to that mental space they need, they are really smart and i admire them for it!

i’m not sure what age that makes me really… but giving up the control that i do officially have the right to have (as an adult), kinda makes me feel little-r than i actually am.

Alright… but if that’s all i got that would make me think this label might apply to me ….. i will admit, this label doesn’t really seem to fit me much at all. (See how i experimented with the label, tried it on for size, and decided it really isn’t me at all.). So only in just the VERY loosest way, i’ll claim it… but barely.

i bet there are real “true” littles and middles of all ages who i really did make cringe a LOT now and are probably dying to set me straight. Okay, i’ll let you. 😊

Hugs,

Marie

118 – Labels… of the submissive type

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i have been exploring the idea of putting a “label” on my submission. i don’t know why exactly, but i think it’s because when you label something or someone, it makes it become more real to you. Like, when i say i have a red car…. you now know i drive a CAR (not a SUV, truck or minivan) and it is red. Now you can see it in your mind, and this is why they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

But since i can’t do research of what a specific submissive label LOOKS like, i’ve instead done research of what it SOUNDS like and am going to try it on for size to see if it FEELS like me. In doing all this research, i’ve come to realize just how many labels there are. Here i thought “submissive” was a label, and while it technically is… it’s apparently just a quite generic type of label too.

Like what do i mean? Well… there is the bratty submissive (which i did label myself already), the experimentalist submissive, the baby girl or middle submissive, exhibitionist submissive (which i realized i kinda already claimed also!), rope bunny submissive, non-monogamist submissive, the masochist submissive,… etc.

(“Well Forrest……. like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried.”)

So i’d have to say i could probably put ALL those (listed above) particular submissive labels onto myself! But maybe a few just in a strangely defined way. (Stay tuned). But if i had to pick one…. uhm…. ok, time out….. WHY exactly do i need to pick just ONE?? i’m not sure that i can. And you can’t make me!

Seriously though…..since i already DID pick just one, the BRATTY SUBMISSIVE, i suppose that’s the one that i most associate with. But i’m not entirely sure that’s true either.

Before all this research, i’d tell you i was the Experimentalist Submissive (ES). One site describes the ES as:

“Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.”

Uh yeah… that definitely sounds like me….. in life AND in the bedroom too!

My mom used to tell me, “you know…. Curiosity killed the Cat.” In fact, i heard it so much that i began to respond back with, “well, its a good thing the cat has 9-lives then!”

And did you know that “Curiosity killed the Cat is only half of the saying?” The whole saying is: Curiosity killed the Cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

According to Wikipedia, “Although the original version was used to warn of the dangers of unnecessary investigation or experimentation, the addition of the rejoinder indicates that the risk would lead to resurrection because of the satisfaction felt after finding out. The resurrection element may be a reference to the multiple lives of a cat.”

Ok…. now we are getting somewhere! It all comes full circle!

i have always said (even on this site a time or two!), that people should have an open mind and be willing to try new things. How do you KNOW you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it?

We probably all heard as a kid when the peas were set out in front of us, “how do you know you don’t like it? You haven’t even tried it.” And i’m guilty of saying it to my kid a time or two too!

Well….. i have tried it. And peas are gross. Their consistency is as gross as their flavor, especially that inside. As soon as you bite into it, you have this squishy, mealy, pasty inside stuff on your tongue! Ugh…. blah… gag! Gross! Just gross!

But if you’ve never tried it, you wouldn’t know it from simply looking at them. Because their outside covering shows them as a simple, small, innocent-looking, solid round ball that just roll around on your plate.

Soooooo i try new things. While i have rode in a hot air balloon, i don’t just try exciting, thriller type things, but everyday things too…. like peas.

So much so my life-motto used to be, “i’ll try anything once.” But after awhile, i even knew that “once” may not be enough to try new things either! Maybe that one time was a bad experience. How would you know that unless you tried it again to compare?

Maybe the peas were overcooked and if they hadn’t been, their inside consistency would be different? So i know i didn’t like them the first time, but cooked differently i would have. (And i did… and peas are still gross!)

So now my motto is, “i try things at least twice, to confirm the first opinion was accurate.”

Experimentalist through and through! In everything!

So sure when i asked for D/s, i didn’t KNOW what i was getting into exactly. But i did know, i wanted to try it. i wanted to experiment!

i knew it wouldn’t hurt to try it (ok, so it DOES hurt but who knew!). and what we were doing at the time wasn’t working either. So what did i have to lose?!

And now, i try all sorts of things in the bedroom ….. no panties, no bra, corsets, chastity, anal plugs and anal sex ……… i bet you don’t have as much experience as me!

Now where a ES can get into trouble here is when he/she “tells” their Dom about all these things they want to try. The ES is merely trying to convey their fantasies and desires to experiment, but the Dom may just decide the ES isn’t “S” – submissive – at all. And trying to tell the Dom how do their part…. or… topping from the bottom!

It seems like the best thing for a ES would be a ED (Experimentalist Dom …..NO, i did not mean Erectile dysfunction — get your mind outta the gutter. Lol.).

But stop and ask yourself….. Have you even tried half of the things you say are awful or terrible? Next time you find yourself saying, “That’s bad” or otherwise having predetermined it’s not for you….. including the peas…. maybe you should stop and ask yourself, “have I even tried it at all…. Or twice to confirm?”

And if not….. try it!! Because you just might like it…. the way i like being submissive and i dare say… spanked too!

Hugs,

Marie