123 – what to do when he’s wrong…. and i tell him too?!

In a previous post, i made a point to tell you that (in most cases), it doesn’t matter if he’s wrong. That even if/when he’s wrong, if it doesn’t matter, i just submit. And let the “wrong” go.

That there’s no real point to saying, “you are wrong!” As in, what purpose does that serve? So i also said then that is when i just don’t say it (“it” being that he’s wrong). And i keep my mouth shut and just submit.

And yet….. sometimes i don’t. i don’t always do as i say and just keep my mouth shut nor do i just submit. Saying it and doing it aren’t always the same. i fully admit that!

And no sooner than i had told you about how submissive i was, did i do the complete opposite!

Last night, David cooked dinner (as always! He cooks, i clean!). And he made boiled shrimp. Yummmm!)

In his cooking, he had a plastic jar of spices that he had used that when i went to put away, i saw the plastic lid was all cut up while still on the jar. That was strange. Wouldn’t it be easier to take the lid off?!? So i asked him, but not in a submissive way.

i showed him the lid and said, “uhmmm why?”

Ok… not only did i not just let it go with the “it doesn’t matter” thought, but i didn’t even exactly ask about it the right way either! i get it and i agree…. now! Thankfully, while i did get a raised eyebrow that said, “is that the right way to speak to me?” that was ALL i got!

What he actually said aloud was, “I couldn’t get the lid off. It was stuck. So I cut it open.”

Now here’s the second opportunity for me to just let it go. But did i??? Uhmmmm no. Of course not! Geez. Didn’t i learn anything when i posted about “it just doesn’t matter”? Apparently not!

i then grabbed the lid and unscrewed it and said, “you couldn’t do this?”

Yeah…. i know….. not a submissive move …. again! i knew it was rather edgy even then too, but i thought it was funny… so i did it.

Again, i deserved more than a raised eyebrow, but didn’t get it. This is one of those times that i’m adding straws to the camel’s back, but it didn’t break. Sooooo when it does break, like what has happened before, i’ll get a goodddddddd and well-deserved punishment too.

Our son heard this entire exchange and looked at me and said, “maybe by cutting it open, it broke the vacuum seal that was possibly there before.”

And David said, “it didn’t unscrew like that before and maybe J is right.”

Our son helped (defend) David. Even our son knew, on some level, that my words and calling David out on his actions that i had deemed “wrong” was probably more wrong than David. Does that sentence read right? i’m trying to say that i was more wrong than David!

So in my quest to show David how wrong he was, i was the one who became “wrong.”

Let’s face it, David was kind in how he responded to my lack of submission. But he certainly didn’t have to be!

Ok. So. Back to the point. No matter WHY he cut open the lid instead of unscrewing it, it really didn’t matter. i mean truly, what did it matter? While it was the “wrong” way to open a jar, he was ingenious to figure out a way to still use its contents and get dinner made. So WHY exactly i felt the need to call David out on it is really a bit beyond me! What was my point in showing David he was wrong when really, he wasn’t. Maybe the jar didn’t open. Maybe this was a better way to use what was inside without breaking the jar or just throwing it away. And what was my point of pointing it out to David that i could now open it just fine? It seemed i wanted to prove i was superior and he was not. Yet, that’s not what submission is all about. Is it? And even our son knew it too….. on his teen/ not-knowing-his-parent’s-marriage-dynamic level.

So i have to take a dose of my own medicine….. and just let it go, remember it just doesn’t matter, and …..


Many hugs,



  1. I totally get it. There are times when I just speak, without thinking about why and more often than not, it is very non-submissive. I want to be the supportive, sweet wife who always encourages…but sometimes he does stuff that drives me nuts! It’s a learning curve….

  2. I’m nodding along, like yes Marie is right, why would he ruin a perfectly good spice jar? (And also after he broke the cap why wouldn’t he have found an alternative place to keep the spice?) But while I was nodding and agreeing with you about the spices, I was like, uh-oh, her attitudenis not submissive! 😂 I hope your behind didn’t get it too bad afterwards.

Leave a Reply