120 – What to do if he is wrong

i had a reader email me recently and ask, “what do you do if or when David is wrong? How do you submit to him when you just know that he is wrong?”

And the email went on to ask things like “what about when a parent is wrong and the child is expected to submit? Should you let it go and just submit, or bring it out and try to talk?”

i decided i would use that email as inspiration to make a post …. and show my vulnerability here to all. In fact, i haven’t responded yet to the emailer because i dwelt on and pondered these questions all day. And when i had formulated an answer, i thought maybe i would post it here to put it out there for all to see as well.

Why post it here? Because i suspect the emailer isn’t alone in wanting these answers, but they made a point to step out of their comfort zone and ask me. So i wanted to share my thoughts here for all to read, critique, and maybe even add your thoughts along side mine too.

Ultimately….. i still submit.

Plain and simple.

But there’s always more, right? So here’s the “more” part.

First and foremost, it is biblical. The Bible says Wives are to submit to their Husbands, and Husbands are to love their wives. It does not say Men are to submit to the wife, but rather he is to just love her. And if you want to get technical, it doesn’t say she needs to love him even. While that’s always a good thing, the single directive women have is to submit to their husbands.

And ultimately the Bible also says (in other places) that men are to submit to God and to lead their family. So the ultimate goal is to have one Head of Household (HoH) who follows God, and then she follows him.k creating harmony and unity within every family.

So that’s the overriding reason why i submit.

And yet, it is hard to sometimes hard to submit to an Earthly husband (and/or father… or really any authoritarian in our Earthly world) who does make mistakes and doesn’t follow all of God’s will…. all because he’s as human as the rest of us. He makes mistakes, decisions, and takes actions that are fallible and subject to errors. But i am told by God directly, in plainly written words that i am to submit and obey my husband.

So with that in mind, I submit.

But then if i K-N-O-W David is in the wrong, how exactly do i do that? Well… like everything in life…. it depends! Lol!

It mostly depends on what David is wrong about how exactly i respond really. There are things that he’s wrong about that simple just don’t matter! In those times, i just go with it.

For example, say he is driving to some place we haven’t been to before and i am a passenger. i have it all programmed into Google maps, which is telling us how to get there. And he says something like, “I know a shortcut. We are going this way.” And he turns off the road and takes an alternative route. Well, either he’s dead wrong about it being an available route at all or maybe just wrong about the idea of it being quicker. Either way, i know he’s wrong. In this case, i would do nothing. i would not point it out to him, in fact, i would not say a single word at all! Why? Because it doesn’t matter. He will figure out that we’ve gone off the best path soon enough. And Google will reroute and tell us the new way to go, which may even be to, “Make a u turn at the next street.” So by me pointing it out to David at this point is unnecessary and only serves to make me look arrogant, rude, and obnoxious. And cause us to fight. Which is just trouble for me, for no good reason. Which ultimately leads to discipline.

Now let’s say it’s more serious and it DOES matter. Whatever he’s wrong about can cause big problems because he’s wrong. What do i do then?

Well, i am having a hard time thinking of a good example here, so i am struggling to have an answer too. But what i think i would do is first say something like, “i’m not too sure that’s quite right. Can i tell you what i’m thinking?” And wait to see what he says.

More than likely he will say something like, “ok, what do you think?” and then i would say, “i believe it may be that the answer is…..blah, blah, blah”

But let’s say he doesn’t want to hear my opinion. He says instead, “I know I’m right and your opinion is irrelevant” (or something like that anyway). i would probably try to ask again by saying something like, “i’m quite concerned this may not be the best way forward. i am not sure you have all the facts. Can i please tell you what i know that you may not?” And that would most likely alert him that i think he really should hear me out.

But let’s just say he starts to get irritated and says, “I said no. I meant no. Now stop!” That’s when i typically just submit. And i say, “yes Sir” and get quiet.

Why not try to press on? Well, unless it is life threatening to one of us, i would tell you the answer here is the same as the answer above, it just doesn’t matter in the end. Oh there may be some bad stuff happen as a result of his decision, but does it really matter? i would tell you NO, it most likely does not.

Okay, so what IF it WAS life threatening? Well, i would insist he listen to me. And if he still didn’t listen to me, well now, i would refuse to submit. But notice how many layers i went through before i said i would not submit? Mainly because: 1) the Bible says it is my responsibility to submit, and 2) it just doesn’t really matter in the end.

i would also offer another thought too. Quite often, i find that my thoughts or ways are not “right” and his are not “wrong” either. Frequently it was a matter of opinion, not fact. And everyone is entitled to their opinion in the end. So why not just let him think what he wants and why try to prove i am “right” when in fact, it is just ultimately “different”?

Like in my example above about driving. Sometimes his short cut ways do get us there faster. Just because Google didn’t tell us to go that way, David did in fact know a short cut. So i was not right in thinking he was wrong!

And let’s just say something happens where he ultimately determines he WAS wrong. He wouldn’t say, “you were right” nor would i say, “i told you so,” because rubbing it in is unnecessary at that point. He would know he was wrong, he’d know i knew he was wrong, and we would deal with the consequences of whatever bad stuff happened because of the incorrect decision he made. And we would move on. Life wouldn’t be better (or worse) as a result of that bad decision, or his realization that he was wrong, just slightly different at that point. And in the scheme of things… not much different either.

And i’m ok with all that. i don’t have to be right. And as long as its not life threatening (or causing bodily harm), then…

It just doesn’t matter. And so i submit. i follow God’s will for me as a wife, and i pray that God gives my husband wisdom and guidance to follow God’s will also!

To my fellow submissives, what would you do if your Dom (or parent) was wrong? How would you handle the situation?

Hugs,

Marie

7 comments

    • Hi Grace – great question. I am not opposed to female doms. I recognize it takes all kinds of people in life and marriage/relationships to make the world go round. I’m not sure I relate that well to that dynamic simply because it’s not how I’m wired, being a sub and having a dom husband. But that said, I have fantasized about having a gf who dominates me. 😉. So, I am not opposed but just write from my perspective too. Hopefully that makes sense. Marie

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Would you ever consider bringing up the situation at another time if it wasn’t life threatening and you knew you were “right?” Or do you think this is ultimately just ego talking?

    I have a bad habit of just thinking I should do something if I know I’m better about it instead of letting Hubby figure it out. For example – Hubs recently asked my opinion on a questionnaire he was filling out for a new doctor. Instead of giving him my opinion on that one question – I just took the questionnaire and said I’d fill it in for him since I’m “better at this.”

    Hugs,
    D

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, Marie! This is something that I struggle with greatly and it reflects my difficulty in giving up control when it comes to anything other than sex. As you point out, most of the time, in the end… the outcome of a decision doesn’t really matter, it’s not life or death. But it is still so difficult to give over that control when you are used to making all of the decisions! In some ways, I wish that I had faith like you do to help guide me. But, I will continue to try!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh here’s the post again. I went looking for it and it has disappeared.

    Personally I don’t really have a problem not saying anything about things that aren’t crucial . I figure if it won’t matter tomorrow, why let it matter today. And if anyone needs an added push to that line of thing The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle might help.

    That is not to intimate that I’m good at keeping my mouth shut or submitting when I believe he is wrong/unjust when it comes to me, my submission or our dynamic/ relationship. I’m not ! My memory tells me I was better at it years ago, but then a little voice tells me maybe he wasn’t as forceful expressing himself concerning those things back then.

    I think years ago I didn’t feel as hurt when he was ‘wrong’ with his line of thinking because we were both learning so much about ourselves let alone each other. Now it seems more like an insult that he could think that way. I don’t have issues with mistakes made. They are hard to take and they need to be brought out in the open (here) so we can see where things went wrong and grow from them. I’ve learned that if I don’t say something ( ideally respectfully and after a bit of time has passed..lmao I wish!) It can harbour resentment on my part.

    So I guess for me it would all depend on what I thought he was wrong about.

    willie

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is such a great post and I think all of us submissives have faced this dilemma – being sure that YOU are right and your husband is wrong. I made a promise to God to be submissive to my husband, and not submitting would be breaking my promise to God. Are there things that I’d be willing to put my foot down over? Heck yes! But in the back of my mind, I have to realize that me putting my foot down could change the entire dynamic of our relationship (a dynamic I happen to love). And I would have to weigh that against the thing in the moment and figure out which is more important. So far, eight years in, there has never been one instance that I thought James was so wrong I would have to put my foot down. I’ve taken some Guidance I thought was a tad unnecessary at first, but by the time it was over, I’ve always been grateful.

    Liked by 1 person

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