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152 – Change. Or is it Process Improvement ?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 152 – Change. Or is it Process Improvement ?

Change is hard. No one likes it. It is a big, mean, scary monster that rears its ugly head every so often and we don’t like it.

But what if you heard the words, “Process Improvement,”……….. would that make it less big, mean, or scary? Would you be able to embrace it better?

Think about it, no one C-H-A-N-G-E-S anything for the express purpose of making it worse. We make changes trying to make things better. While the old adage of, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” is generally true….. sometimes it can still be improved. Maybe a fix isn’t what is needed, but improvement might be.

THIS is what i would say is happening in my marriage right now. We are doing “Process Improvement.” Nothing too major, and we aren’t fixing what ain’t broke, but we are tweaking things. We are improving things.

So we aren’t abandoning any of our old ways, lifestyle, or DD. We are just improving it.

i told you that November is historically a bad month for us. We fight in November probably more than all the other months combined! i don’t even think David realizes that the month on the calendar ….. November …. is the common denominator. But i do.

This past week, i set out to C-H-A-N-G-E things. Or … said in a nicer, more palatable way…. to IMPROVE things.

One thing i realized was that we were both feeling under-appreciated. And as such, we wanted the other to DO something to or for the other to make it better. (We both wanted the other to C-H-A-N-G-E!)

i decided to stop waiting to be the one to receive it, and to be the one to give it. (Tis better to give than to receive… right?… okay, that’s the saying for December, and we are still in THANKFUL November… so back to NOVEMBER…)

Ya know though, the funny thing about giving is that typically you do indeed end up receiving. What goes around, comes around. Give out the good and the good comes back to you.

It started with me making a spontaneous breakfast for both David and i on Thursday. On Friday, i texted him saying, “I was just thinking about you. I hope your day is good. I love you.” Nothing big at all, and certainly not expensive, but still meaningful.

And on Saturday, he asked me to go out and play golf with him. Now this may sound minor, it was actually HUGE….. because he plays EVERY Saturday with the guy friends and he/i play on (some) Sunday afternoons.

i said, “Aren’t you playing with the guys?”

And he said, “The weather is going to be perfect and I thought it would be nice to play with you.”

He chose me over all the other men on a Saturday.

There was NO way i was saying no! So we went to play. And the weather was amazing and we enjoyed the day together. And we both played good too (an added bonus!)

And when we got home he said, “We haven’t done maintenance in several weeks. Don’t you think it’s needed?”

Now i know maintenance spankings work. And i know it probably was needed. But i don’t actually like being spanked. i like giving up control, knowing i submit to my husband, and knowing how well it works. But i don’t like the actual spanking itself.

So i was immediately annoyed.

i was thinking, “why ruin a perfectly good day with that? Besides, i am in the middle of doing something else now too.”

i was thinking of the loophole here too.

He didn’t say we had to do it right NOW. In fact, he asked me about it. He didn’t tell me to go assume the position even!?!?

He saw me roll my eyes and asked about it. He said, “what are you thinking?” i spoke my mind and told him all the things in my head.

He tilted his head and said, “You know what I meant.” And i did. He was right. i just didn’t like or want it at that moment.

So i got up and went to the bedroom. He followed me. He got out the paddle and stood at the end of the bed.

And he watched me undress. While i have undressed and/or been naked in front of him 1,000+ times in our marriage, when you do it while someone is staring at you, with a paddle in their hand, waiting on you…. it’s a bit humiliating and intimidating.

And maybe it is supposed to be that way.

Because in that fine razor point moment, i dropped the attitude and showed the submissive heart that i needed (and ultimately wanted) to too.

And i was spanked. For the first time in several weeks…. maybe in all of November even.

Afterward, we sat and talked a bit about all the fighting and even the bickering we had had lately. (And it hurt to sit on my red bottom then!). We talked about ways to avoid the fights in the future.

At Missy’s advice, i suggested we implement the red light system for fights in the same way we have it for discipline. Green is all good to go, yellow is slow it down as this is not going in the right direction, and red is stop right now. This system can, and hopefully will, be used by both of us to not have disagreements escalate in the first place.

But we also talked about times when we get mad anyway. When he is getting mad at me because of things i am saying (or yelling) what to do then. Because he doesn’t want to ever spank when he’s mad (because he may lose control at that point), we agreed he would tell me to go stand in the corner until i calm down enough to speak my words without the negative tone. Or he will tell me to write out what i have to say on paper, where he will read it and determine a response. Both of these cause me to take a pause and to reflect further before spewing anger everywhere.

And if i am just so mad (and stubborn) that i refuse to do these things, then he will flat out ignore me until i calm down. At which time, i will go assume the spanking position and prepare for a bad punishment. i will not be punished for what i wanted or was trying to say (aka: what i was mad about), but rather for failure to submit to the directive of standing in the corner or writing it out calmly. And then after that, we will also deal with “the issue” at hand causing the anger in the first place.

He agreed these were all smarter ways to deal with our anger than what we have been doing in the month of November.

So…. we are tweaking things. Making changes… or rather… Process Improvements!

i am encouraged… and THANKFUL…. For so many wonderful, things in my life…. including my best friend, head of house, and dominant husband to whom i submit to.

Next time you think about C-H-A-N-G-E, think about it positively with the notion that things are just I-M-P-R-O-V-I-N-G… and embrace it! It just might come full circle where the good you put out, comes back to you 10-fold greater!

Hugs,

Marie

150 – Sometimes… it doesn’t work

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 150 – Sometimes… it doesn’t work

Disclaimer… i started this post almost a week ago…. so the “tonight” was 5-days ago now…..

Like house smoked brisket green chile pizza with smoked paprika on it. (who does that really?)

But the other thing that doesn’t work… sometimes…. is D/s or DD. Sometimes, it just doesn’t.

i usually praise it. At how well it works. And it does. Until it doesn’t.

So i like to tell you about the times it works. That is positive, fun to talk about, and it creates an “all warm and fuzzy inside,” kind of feeling.

But that’s not real life, at least not 100% of the time anyway. So this post is going to be “real life” with you and tell you about how the lifestyle we have just doesn’t ALWAYS work. (But let’s be real, nothing in life “always” works, right?)

So now i’ll tell you about our night tonight… and tell you how our lifestyle hasn’t made things “all good” for us tonight.

In fact, as i write this, we are still officially in a fight. And i am about to head to sleep, in the guest room. i’d like to tell you i’m sad about this, but right now, i am still so mad i just can’t be sad. After i calm down, i will likely be in tears and be sad, because that’s what i do. But at this moment, i am honestly…. just mad… still.

So what happened anyway? And will this be ok?

i’ll answer the second one first… yes, this will be ok. In fact, it will be fine by tomorrow after we both calm down.

Back to the first question now…..

So David set up a date with a new couple. A first date. i wasn’t too crazy about going, mostly because i don’t do well on Friday nights. i am tired from a long week of work and after getting up early every day, i am mentally and physically just tired. So on Friday’s, i am ready to do “nothing at all.” Or something with “just” my family, where i put on NO airs whatsoever.

But i didn’t argue or disagree. i just got ready and we went. This was probably the first mistake though. i should’ve just said i didn’t want to go. But it felt like a party-pooper kinda thing to say or do, so i didn’t.

We went to a restaurant that i have never been to. The weather was nice, and we sat outside. Perfect. And it really was at this point. i tried to tell myself to just enjoy the evening. But i could tell i wasn’t in the right frame of mind. So i smiled and was just (relatively) quiet and let the others talk.

i was looking at the menu and everything from the drinks to the food was filled with descriptions that when i was done reading it, i felt like i had no “real” certainty of what anything would actually taste like. It was not a fancy place at all really, but let’s just say the menu-designer (or chef) used a lot of 50 cent words to make it fancier than was necessary.

Here’s an example: Green Chile Smoked Brisket oven fired pizza. Here’s what the menu says about it, “smoked house brisket | poblano salsa | goat cheese | roasted corn | smoked paprika.”

That’s a pizza! Who smokes paprika? And then puts it on a pizza? Where is the basic marguerita or pepperoni with mozzarella?

i don’t especially like to go “exotic” when it comes to my meals. i mean, i will try new stuff, but i have to have some confidence that i will end up with something i will want to eat and pay for too.

So now my sour puss mood got even more sour! Because i just wasn’t in the mood for all this “new stuff”.

The entire evening went like this. And as i listened to David tell them things that made us sound rich, famous, jet setting, trendy people, the more annoyed i became.

i felt like he was exaggerating for NO reason, except to either show off or want to be liked. Neither of which do i find attractive qualities in anyone. And so i continued to get even more annoyed.

At the end of the dinner, we parted ways, and the very minute we were in the car, David said, “what’s going on with you? You barely spoke.”

And i said, “well, sometimes you say things that i wonder about, and you said a lot of those things tonight.”

He said, “like what?”

So i told him, “sometimes i think maybe you say things that lead people to believe one way and it’s not exactly the truth and it bothers me.” And he said, “you need to stop now. I’m already getting irritated. I never lied about anything tonight. So just stop!”

i did. i stopped. But if truth be told, i think he got irritated because i think he didn’t like me calling him out on his behavior. And as i have told you before, most of the time… if it just doesn’t matter, its often better to keep your mouth closed. While i did stop, the proverbial cat was out of the bag.

As we approached the house, after sitting in silence for much of the ride home, he said, “is it time for a spanking?”

And i said, “No.”

He said, “Since when do you get to decide??”

i said, “since you ASKED, and i answered.”

And we proceeded to get into a yelling match from there. Because my tone was NOT submissive in ANY way. (At one point i yelled, “Don’t ASK if you don’t want an answer given! And while i will accept it, i will never volunteer for a spanking!”)

And i am STILL mad. But at least now we went from yelling to silent treatment. And i am ok with that!

Now this is where our dynamic has failed us tonight. Most of the time, we don’t fight. We talk rationally. And when that fails, i do get spanked – mostly for failure to yield.

But when we are both SO angry, like we are tonight, it is NOT a good time to spank. i probably wouldn’t accept it anyway, not with the right heart anyway. And he might not deliver it well either, and probably not with the right intention or leadership also.

This is where, had he indeed spanked me, i think we both would look back later and think it was unjust, improper, and (possibly) abusive.

Instead, i picked up my pillow and moved to the guest room……..With my iPad to be able to tell you all about it.

Disclaimer number two……Here is where i will finish this post “tonight,” in real time…..

i didn’t end up finishing that post because when i got that far, about 20-minutes into being in the guest room, David texted me and said, “I think you need to come back to our bed to sleep here with me.”

It was a test. And we both knew it.

i didn’t want to! i wanted to be mad. But i also knew i wouldn’t be mad forever, and why be stubborn just for the sake of it too??

So i texted back and said, “Yes Sir.”

And picked up my pillow and went back to our room. i got in bed and he said, “Good night. I love you.” And i said the same. That was all the words we spoke.

So with that, a truce and cease fire had been issued.

The next morning, we didn’t really say much. We said some, but really it was over and done.

In thinking about it now though….. in some ways, maybe our lifestyle dynamic did NOT fail us. While the “normal way” we do things didn’t go as usual, in the end, he was my Dom and told me to come to bed, and i was his submissive and complied.

So while he didn’t use force of the paddle, he did use his power of words. And i exercised my right to submit. It is a right and i do have a decision to make. And i still choose David as my Head or Household, dominant, Sir and husband.

So this week has been dull compared to this past weekend. And i am only now deciding this was “blog post worthy.” It took me several days of debating if i was going to broadcast that our dynamic failed us, we got into a huge fight, and i was doubting things for a hot minute there.

But in the end, our dynamic really has worked… just in an unexpected way.

And Friday maintenance is upcoming and eminent too! So maybe the paddle will collide with my rear soon enough!

Hugs,

Marie

149 – When Tone matters… or not!

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 149 – When Tone matters… or not!

Sometimes David says things to me in the form of a question, but it’s not at all intended that way. And sometimes he says things that sound like i actually have a say -so, but we both know it isn’t. And sometimes i call him out on it… in a Passive-Aggressive way.

Why do i call him out?…………..Because sometimes i can’t help but think, “Just say it. Just direct me. Quit giving me directives disguised as options.”

And today was one of those days. That he gave a question-directive and i called him out on it.

i told you about me texting him, requesting he be more dominant. He hasn’t done “much,” until this morning. So it probably wasn’t in my best interest to act this way today. But… alas, i did!

i was drinking coffee and playing on my phone when David said, “is it time to go edge?”

(Now he hasn’t asked/told me i had to edge in a long time now. So i was a bit taken back when he said this. And i was focused on coffee and still waking up…… so i said…… )

“No, i don’t think so.” And i kept drinking my coffee.

(Here’s the passive-aggressive part)

He said, “I think it IS time.”

i don’t think he saw, but i rolled my eyes at that moment. i did set my phone and coffee down and walked towards the bedroom. But i was annoyed for sure.

And i went to undress and lay on the bed, when he said, “You knew I was telling you to go do this.”

i said, “i suppose i did, but you did ask a question. It wasn’t a command, or said with much authority.”

(Okay, this wasn’t really passive-aggressive so much as just aggressive.)

He said, “My tone shouldn’t factor into your decision to listen to what I say. Correct?”

And i paused. (Yeah, probably shouldn’t have paused, but i was back to passive-aggressive).

When i spoke, i said one word, “Correct.”

That’s when he took action and said, “Assume the Position.” And he followed me to the bed, got out the paddle and it collided with my rear immediately. Multiple times and without warm up. As it did, i heard, “your tone needs to change. The sass needs to end. I’m really tired of it!”

(i did have sassiness. We both knew it. i was calling him out on his passive-aggressive ways with my passive AND aggressive ways.)

“Should my tone matter?”

No Sir.

“Will you follow my directive more quickly next time?”

Yes Sir.

And with several more BIG SWATS….. my ass was stinging!

Then i heard, “are you going to do better?”

Yes Sir.

And then he said, “Now turn over… and start to edge. Like i told you to do the first time.”

And i did. My rear was stinging so much it hurt to lay on it, but i wasn’t about to argue at ALL.

And i put the vibrator to my clit. It was a bit hard to be “in the mood,” when i had no interest in doing this. But i did it.

David proceeded to get dressed, including shoes and socks on, while watching – but ignoring – me. That’s when he leaned in and out two fingers in the front and two fingers in the back. It felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G… especially after i had been edging for a good 10-minutes at that point. Because try as i had been, anytime you put a vibe on a clit for any length of time, and it WILL respond.

That’s when he moved his fingers in and out and said, “DO NOT even THINK about cumming!”

He did this for several more minutes and i was truly begging him to pleaseeeeeee let me cummmmmm.

And finally…. he did! i exploded all over his fingers in a magnificent way.

That’s when he said, “this will be the last time you get to cum when you haven’t listened and responded properly to my directive… whatever tone I use. Do you understand?”

Yes Sir, i do indeed understand.

[Careful what you wish – and ask – for!]

My Sir has truly shown me who is in control….. just like i knew i needed. i just hope i don’t have to endure much more of the spankings like this morning…. next time, i’ll try to keep my big ,outhitting shut!

That said though, while my rear end was tender for a bit today… every time i sat down, it ultimately made me happy.

Hugs,

Marie

147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, My Dominant Sir, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

i get asked quite a bit…….

“how do you recommend we should start?”

i will answer as best i can, by telling you about our personal start. i think we probably started differently than most others have.

Ultimately though, no matter how you end up going about starting, in the words of Nike, “Just do it!”

Don’t over analyze the best or right okay to do it. Just like a race, when the gun goes off – you have to start running. But of course, most people have trained and prepared before they got to the starting line too.

So… on your marks…. Get set…….. and GO! !

Ok, fine… maybe you want (need!) more information than that. i’ll give it to you, but just know… in the end: START!

And with that…….

When i read about how others have started, many talk about how they started with the rules. Negotiated them out and drew up a contract. The contract lists out all the rules to be followed, the types of punishment to be given for infractions, and even the length of time the current contract is to be in effect. This is definitely one way to do it. And i can absolutely see the benefits. However, we didn’t do this. We have been doing Domestic Discipline (DD) now for 2-years and we have never had a contract.

The reason we have never had a contract has nothing to do with the legitimacy or beliefs of it though. We didn’t do it because we didn’t know what to set out as the rules we would use at the start of this.

If you know what you want the rules to be, then i happen to think a contract is absolutely the best way to start. Because that makes the commitment to do DD, the expectations and consequences, and the time frame all very legitimate and clearly stated.

Taking those concepts one at a time, i want to spend a minute endorsing a contract. Again, i think the key here is knowing what you want the rules to be though, and i’ll tell you about our way after this too and what we did when we didn’t know what rules to put in place.

To begin though, why is a contract even a good thing? Well, it is communication between you. Written at that. Just like a business contract, if it’s in writing, you can refer back to it, look for clarity, and like my sister says, “if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen.” But when it IS in writing, it DID happen. So when you write out a contract and sign, all the parties are committed and agreeing to the arrangement, and knowledgeable about the expectations (and consequences) for success (and failure) to abide by the contract that is set in place.

Stop for a second and i want to add, a contract – whether written or verbal – even helps the Dom. He knows what he expects of her… and he knows that she knows too! And if she doesn’t follow the rules, there is clearly a transgression that must be dealt with. And you, the Dom, didn’t commit the wrong but you are charged with carrying out the correction. You don’t need to feel guilty, give second chances, or think anything more than, “there was a wrong, and I will set it back to right.” So written or oral, rules are good for both sides!

The rules though, in writing, gives the submissive something to look at and see. They don’t get to change on a whim for either of the Head of House (HoH) or his submissive. So no disagreements should arise from unexpected rules put in place or noncompliance of these non stated rules. But the time frame or length of the contract, i would say is even more important, especially when you first start.

The time frame says from this day to this day, this is how we will live. And i think this would likely be the best part of having a contract. There was one particular day that i got so mad that i decided we weren’t doing DD anymore, and screamed, refused the discipline, and walked off. We were in a massive fight and went into The Cold War (of sorts anyway) regarding DD, until the silence was finally broken and we reimplemented it. Had i had a time frame that, at least to start, i would know “this DD lifestyle will end, unless renegotiated and reinstated, on xx/xx date,” i might would’ve not acted the way i did. And instead, tried to be the best submissive possible for the duration, to truly KNOW if this is what i wanted (and needed). people seem to make this be 3- or 6-month increments. This is long enough to commit to this lifestyle, determine if it works, have time to find of these rules are the right ones….. and yet, not so long that if someone wants to change the rules or punishments, or even quit, that there is a time to do it. When the contract nears expiration, you sit down and renegotiate the terms and sign for another term. Especially when you start with DD, this can be especially helpful to know the end date, so you commit to the duration, but if you truly just hate it, it has an end date. But now you can say, “I tried” and truly know you did indeed do just that.

Since we have never had a contract, i have gleaned all that after reading other DD blogs and googling. You can also get ideas and examples of contracts this way too.

But again, that’s not how we did it. The primary reasons we never implemented a contract is because at the very start, i had NO idea what rules to implement! Or which would be good or bad, too much or too little, or ones we both would like or not.

So in my traditional fashion and lifestyle in general, i jumped in with both feet and said, “Let’s just do this!” ……. (ready, set, GO!).

The first thing that i did was to buy a wooden paddle from Amazon, the same one we still use. When it arrived, i said to David, “Let’s start here. Let’s start now.”

i proceeded to immediately go to the bedroom, got naked, and laid on the bed to wait for him. He came in soon after with the paddle and gave me the first ever spanking. It was a very weak paddling. We both knew it. But he had never done this and i had never felt it, so we eased into it from the start. At the time, i was disappointed. But looking back now, i happen to think this was the best way. It gave him an idea of what force to use to get what result. He quickly learned that at THAT level, not much happens. So he now had the base line to work u from there. And so did i.

While i was disappointed, it (the spanking) definitely still stung. But i had wanted and hoped it would H-U-R-T. i wanted to feel his strength, know he was in control, to not be able to sit for a week, to be made to submit, etc. (THAT is a sub frenzy mentality…. and i’m half done with a post on it , so that will be next post up!).

Even though i was disappointed, it already gave me the full taste of what it meant to be submissive. But actually more in the mental sense than the physical sense. Oh, i did know even that day that he had the ability to apply a firm(er) hand and it would most definitely hurt if he were to have gone further, i already knew then that He was in control, not me. He decided how much was enough, not me. He was to be respected and be the one with the “power,” and i was to yield to it. That single first spanking spoke more to my mind than my rear.

And that was how we then started developing, slowly/ one by one, the rules we wanted to implement. As we set them in place, we didn’t ever write them down or make a contract. By the time we got to the place where we knew what we would write down or have in that contract, the contract wasn’t really necessary.

The first rules we set in place were really very simple…… and went like this:

1) When disrespect is shown, punishment will ensue. Respect involves…… (this one is hard because it’s really a matter of opinion) speaking kindly and positively.

As another sign of respect, eventually we added that i am to call him Sir. While i kinda, sometimes said this already, he wanted it to be way more frequently than i was doing.

(In Tx where we live, Sir and Ma’am are used fairly regularly in daily life as a sign of respect. It isn’t just reserved for Dom/sub situations. For example, i say it to employees and clients at work, from a sign of respect. It is most often used when being told to do something. Like if a client says, “I need your firm to help me with xyz.” i might would respond with, “Yes Sir, we can do that.” It is typically on,y used upward in a chain of command, so that the person saying it recognizes the person it is being said to is the one in control and with authority. So i wouldn’t probably ever say it to my son, unless it was to be sarcastic and in a tone that would imply the “who is in control here anyway??” To which, my son would likely recognize that and say something of an apologetic nature and to yield authority back to me. For example, my son might say, “you need to buy me new pencils for school.” And i would resound, “OK, yes Sir!” And he would say, “I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”. Point is, Sir is an outward expression of respect and David wanted me to show and say it more frequently than i was.)

2) The very first rule though that i fully endorse is instituting safe words. If a submissive doesn’t have these, real damage – mentally or physically – can be done accidently or on purpose by the Dom. This is needed especially when being punished. The purpose is to be able to have a way to have things/the situation STOP if you are NOT consenting you it. You don’t need a reason to stop. Inserting, but you need a way to do it. This is it!

Most people employ a red light system. David assumes i am Green, all good to go, unless i call out another color. He knows that while i may not be happy about the situation i am in (and the pain i am feeling from being spanked), he also knows that mentally i am ok and accepting. And still consenting!

If, however, i call out “yellow,” it means i am feeling like we need to slow down. But i am still accepting. And lastly, if i call “Red,” whether stated or screamed, i need him to stop immediately. And he would. And every (good) Dom should and would also!

But every submissive should know this is to be used sparingly also! It is not to be overused, or used when not needed. NEVER cry-wolf …. ever. Remember: You have already agreed to this dynamic and you did do something to land you in this place….. but you are NOT allowing him to abuse you either.

This system allows me to control the ultimate outcome. It gives me piece of mind to know that if i ever feel as if i am in trouble, being abused… or just DON’T CONSENT ANYMORE, i have a way out. Which is why EVERY Dom should stop immediately if they hear “Red”. Or whatever safe word you chose.

i have only ever called out yellow once and never red. And it was a time that David was striving to get me there already anyway. So the first spanking established the low end of the range and this one that i called yellow was when he wanted to know what was my high.

From there, over time, we added things as we went along. We still to this day refine the rules often. If you know what you want them to be upfront, even if it is say for 3-months at a time, then by all means write out a contract. But for us, we were experimenting, exploring, and well…. novice. So we made it up as we went along.

Ultimately though, i would tell you to get started you need to do the following:

1) talk about it and agree to it…. written OR verbally. In order to get a general idea of what is expected of one another, and the consequences thereof.

2) decide if you want to make it up at the start or as you go along. This is kinda important because if the sub thinks she knows all the rules and the Dom throws a new one on her, it may not go well unless she already knew this may happen.

3) maybe consider a “practice spanking,” which is what i call our first one now. You don’t have to have a paddle… a hair brush, a wooden spoon, or a belt are all easy at-home-already implements to consider, but a hand works very well also!

And get started! As i said before………

Ready….Set…. GO!

Let me know your thoughts:

If you are a novice, did this help?

If you are experienced, would you add or subtract anything? If so, what?

Hugs,

Marie

146 – Got Spanked?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 146 – Got Spanked?

Welp, i was right. i just knew things weren’t quite as they should be between David & i lately.

i have been snippy and sassy lately. With words and facial expressions both. And he has been tolerant.

He knew i have not been as-submissive-as-i-ought-to-be. But all he did was raise an eyebrow or make a comment like, “watch it!” So he has issued warnings. But warnings are only good for so long and then you have to do something about it. Or else quit calling out the warnings because they are nothing more than idle threats at that point!

Warnings can be effective for awhile, but at some point, they are no longer a useful tool.

So i also say…. He has been lazy. Yes, that is me calling him out right now. While i didn’t do these things simply to test him, when he allows me to get away with regular and continual disrespect he is being lazy.

And i will add that this can lead to a bad never-ending circle of habits and behaviors on both sides. When i know there is nothing more than a warning coming, i tend to lose (some/temporary) respect for David. i tend to be so annoyed that i roll my eyes and think, “whatever! He won’t do anything. Why should i act better when it won’t matter anyway?”

i will circle back to this idea of how it makes me feel throughout this post too, but right now i will start with…

Why would a dominant be lazy?

Well, i don’t think my Sir intends to be lazy. Sometimes i doubt he even realizes he has been! But i think some of the lazy comes from:

1) Overthinking. Like all of us, sometimes we all get too far in our own heads, including our dominants too. i think he wonders if: a) he gave enough notice/warnings, b) he was in a bad mood and overreacted, c) i wasn’t aware of what i did because i was stressed. Etc etc.

i could come up with a lot of reasons why David may overthink discipline. And so he hesitates.

And so he delays the discipline.

2) Tired. Sometimes fatigue – physical and/or mental happens – even to our dominants. Sometimes we all just want “peace and quiet” and to do our own thing, including our dominant. And they probably think that we should just do the right thing anyway.

So he delays the discipline again.

3) Discipline can be a to-do item. Sometimes it is just another “I have to do (blank) today.” Which becomes a chore. this is sometimes how we both feel about Maintenance on Friday’s. We both know it’s good to do, but sometimes, it just feels like a to-do item.

And he doesn’t want to do that to-do, so he delays discipline even more.

4) Even as a to-do item, does it have to be done “right now”? An analogy comes to mind here ….. doing the dishes. You know you have to clean the dishes. But does it matter if it is right after dinner, before bed, or the next morning? Probably not. But it still does have to get done at some point. And if you don’t do it even the next morning, the next dinner meal comes around and the dishes are likely now still not done.

This causes clutter. Pots and pans are in the way and not allowing any place to cook the next meal, the pans are dirty so what can you cook in anyway, and when it is cooked what will you eat off of since the plates and forks are all dirty still too?

And so the discipline was delayed.. again!!

But at some point…. THE DISCIPLINE HAS TO GET DONE.

Just like the dishes, there can be excuses, call it a to-do, or a hope the submissive does the right thing…. but allowing it to continue is not acceptable. And a warning is now nothing more than an empty threat if the discipline isn’t carried out.

This now sets up a pattern of bad behavior. If the submissive has bad behavior, the dominant does nothing about it, the submissive will (probably – and definitely will in my case!) continue the bad behavior, the bad behavior may even get worse, and at some point…. everything and everyone explodes.

i happen to think this vicious circle is what lead to the (most recent) “Worst Spanking ever.” But this time, i decided to not let it go that far.

Instead of continuing this terrible cycle of bad behavior, i told David, “i have not acted right. i know you know it too. And i need you to spank me. It needs to be hard enough to create remorse on my part. And it should cause you to be put back in place as the HoH and me as your submissive wife.”

Now of course, that sounds like i was the one who took the high ground here and did the right thing. But… i didn’t have the courage to say these words aloud.

i texted David after i left for work!

He wrote back, “when you get home, you need to go assume the position.” [to be spanked…. naked, feet on the floor, bend over at the waist onto the bed, with the paddle resting in the small of my back.]

i simply responded with, “Yes Sir.”

When i got home though, our 16-yr old son was hungry, time for dinner, and other chores took priority. But the minute we ate, i immediately cleaned up the dishes. And announced to our son i was going to our bedroom. He said ok.

David came in almost 15-minutes later and praised me for not having to be reminded to assume the position, despite not having it happen immediately after work.

That was a very long 15 minutes to wait in that position too! My legs were stiff and my back started to hurt from not moving (much) to ensure the paddle didn’t fall from its place.

i typically pray during these times. i pray that God instills a submissive mindset in me, gives David the confidence to discipline as much as i need (not just the making i want… because the “want” is always less than the “need”!), and that i am strong enough to accept the discipline with grace and love in my heart (and mind) to create a change in me.

This day was no different.

And David did indeed spank me more than i wanted. And it did indeed created a change in me. i have been more respectful this last 4-days than i was in the previous 2-weeks.

It hurt! All spankings should! It is always a time that i should, and typically do, get to the mindset of, “why did i do (blank)? This could’ve been avoided. This hurts. This is way worse than what i did to get to this place!”

While many don’t agree with Domestic Discipline (DD), we do. It restores order and cleanliness to our lives. Like having a clean kitchen, it is pretty, neat, more appealing, and ready to be used again the next time out. This is what happens in our marriage when we regularly have DD working-as-intended.

So like cleaning the dishes restores order to the kitchen, DD does that for our marriage. With mutual respect, kindness, compassion, and love … Our marriage is stronger because of it. We both know who is the leader and who is the follower. And that was just as God planned it to be, with my Sir leading my family and me following. But the clutter just happens sometimes in a marriage the same as in a kitchen, with daily use. And like the kitchen dishes, the clutter has to be dealt with and cleaned up. Some marriages don’t ever clean up the clutter for not having a good way to do it, or laziness. We prefer to deal with our marital difficulties with DD. When it is administered, things are cleared up and put back in order.

So now our vicious (bad) cycle has been broken. For now anyway. As much as i wish it weren’t true, i have no doubt this day will come back around again. Because like the dishes, clutter in our marriage happens. But we will deal with it, and set things straight again.

But it does require no one to be (regularly or continually) lazy too. So if all it takes is for me to send a text that basically could’ve said, “please don’t be lazy. i need to know you are in charge and in control. i need to have you show me your strength and ability to lead me and our family everyday. And that means you have to do more than just call out idle threats and DO something. Please turn me over and spank me hard,” then i will do it every time!

To some, asking and accepting a spanking is a challenge. To others, giving a deserved spanking is a challenge. But it works. Every time.

i love my disciplined life!

Hugs,

Marie