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158 – Wednesday Maintenance

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 158 – Wednesday Maintenance

Unlike the picture… i do not WANT daily maintenance but if it were to be installed, even temporarily, i am sure it would have a big (positive!) impact.

Thankfully though, we don’t typically do maintenance on “random” days. But we did this week… on Wednesday. i am usually spanked, for maintenance, on Friday. Today is Friday. i am unsure if i will be spanked again today for a second maintenance in one week or not. But i am ok if it happens.

As i have written before, maintenance doesn’t “hurt” per se. It stings super bad, and it turns my ass red. i suppose it does hurt my bottom, but it doesn’t hurt my mind. It actually helps my mind. It helps to reinforce the good. It is a reminder of how to slow down, stay in control of myself, be good, and how to submit.

But as i mentioned before, i am now telling David what i think about how to dominate me, at the time i think it. So in some ways, the Wednesday maintenance was of my own doing.

As i was showering this morning, i felt a bit “squirrelly.” i was already thinking about my crazy day ahead, things to do, remember, etc, …and worked myself up into a tizzy in a hurry.

That’s when the “creative self-dominant” side of me said, “if i was your dominant i would make you Assume the Position to be spanked. You need to calm down, be slowed down, and realize you don’t have to work yourself into this craziness all before the 8 o’clock hour!”

So i told David all these same things. And he said, “I agree and think you do need to slow down. Go Assume the Position for a maintenance session and I will be in when I am in.”

i waited in the bedroom for almost 10-full minutes before David came in. He doesn’t typically make me wait more than 1-3 minutes, but Wednesday was longer. He asked me, “Were you wondering when I would come in?”

And of course i had been, so i said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “I wanted you to have time to sit still, do nothing, and focus on regaining self-composure and self-control.”

And with that, he proceeded by picking up the paddle (from the small of my back) and began to spank me on each butt cheek, alternating with each swat.

He told me, “You need to think about staying in position and not moving all over the place, like you typically do.” Usually i stay in position for about 5-10’ish swats, they life my upper body up to my elbows, then up to a standing position, then start dancing around. The whole time having to force myself back into position between swats. The more intense each swat is, the more i do this. He hates it! And i can see why. When i move around, he doesn’t have the control of when and where to hit the way he does when i am still.

He said, “your sole goal will be to stay in position…..still!”

And i received a very sound spanking. It was still a maintenance session and didn’t hurt me mentally, but my ass was a cherry red when he was done. It was very difficult to be still.

But i did it!!!!!

i have NEVER succeeded with this before. i have asked him many times if i could lay on the bed instead of standing bent over it, or if he could tie me into place. He has said no to both because he wants me to engage my mind and stay in the position he wants, not what i want. But when that swat lands…. it is both a sting and a shock. Oh yes, i know it is coming, but exactly when or exactly how hard. (Intensity level) is still a shock. So i end up moving all around.

But NOT TODAY! i stayed perfectly still!

At the end, David stood me up and kissed me deeply. He said, “you were such a good girl! I am so impressed and you made me very happy!”

“So lay down on the bed on your back and open your legs. I will give you a reward.”

i did as told. But man, laying on my reddened ass did not feel pleasurable! ……..but that was more than offset when his head went down between my legs and his tongue collided with my clit. It felt amazing!

He made me orgasm in just a few short minutes and i couldn’t have been happier! Some would call this a “forced orgasm,” but not me…. i gave it up willingly! Lol.

He then stood me up for the second time and kissed me deeply again. And when he pulled away he asked me, “and how does your cum taste since I just kissed you with it all over my face and tongue?”

And i said, “It felt amazing. It tasted good.”

(He has never made me taste myself, but the way he did that on Wednesday and the look on his face… it may become a more frequent thing…. who knows!)

And then we started our day from there! It is 6:20 am now… on Friday…. i am about to start my day today now too. Will report later if i have a second maintenance for the week. But if it goes like the Wednesday one, i will gladly give up another orgasm in a hurry! 😉)

Happy Friday!

Hugs,

Marie

156 – The Big NO-NO!

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 156 – The Big NO-NO!

In DD or D/s relationships, there aren’t many “official” rules…. it’s what you make it. But just like a traditional relationship, there are a few unwritten rules that are generally followed by most people in the practice too.

And if or when you break a Cardinal Rule, and you blog about it, you should fully expect to be called out on it too. (Ok, so maybe the blogging and being called out part is just applicable to me….. and i am A-ok with that!)

What is this big No-No i am speaking specifically about?

TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM. Or said more plainly, telling your Dominant how to be Dominant. Or even just telling your Dom what to do at all.

Submissives are expected to…. well….. submit. We are NOT in charge. So telling my Sir how or when or what to do is…. a BIG NO-NO!

That is THE Cardinal Rule that David & i talked about yesterday. But we decided to change the rules. We have agreed to intentionally break this rule.

i have permission to TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. For awhile. Temporarily. And just exactly how long? i don’t really know. At this point, i am assuming it will be, “Until told otherwise.”

So we have changed our DD or D/s relationship dynamic to refresh, renew, and update it. For awhile anyway.

There are so many questions running through my head, and maybe yours too… like: why, how will that work, are you still the submissive or are you switching, what is the goal, and and and……. ok, slow down. Let’s take these one at a time……

W-H-Y?

Primarily because we have been in a funk. Our DD just hasn’t been working as intended. It needs a tune-up. Just like anything in life, it works …. until it doesn’t. Take your car for example. It runs well when you keep it well oiled, lubed, maintained. (So talking about oiled and lubed gets me all wet down there.. but i digress!). But the minute you don’t do those things, it falls apart and requires a major overhaul.

That’s about where we’ve been, in need of a major overhaul. And this is our immediate solution.

Additionally, David has known for a very long time that my mind is more creative than his. He is a very straightforward and “what you see is what you get” kinda person. NO, he is NOT dumb or a robot or anything that bad …. he does have a brain and he knows how to use it. But he is a very firm and solid Type A person. Whereas i am a mostly Type A, but also have some Type B creativity also.

So because of my creative mind, over the couple of years of doing DD, i have made many suggestions of things we should do or could implement into our dynamic. (i was the one to ask for this dynamic and to be spanked from the start.). And as such, some have told me, that i TOP FROM THE BOTTOM… and frankly, to an extent, i would agree. But now, i have permission to do it intentionally too!

H-O-W WILL THAT WORK?

So i talked to David about this. i told him i struggle with this. That i struggle in my ability to not tell him how to do his job. And sometimes i feel like i fail (to keep my mouth shut) and/or he fails (to Dominate me effectively)…. which then makes me feel like i fail all over again (to submit to his leadership.. even if i think it’s not quite 100%). Ultimately… it mostly leads to me feeling a lot of failure. And i don’t like that feeling.

i have SO many thoughts in my head about how he can be a better Dom, enforce our Dynamic more, and it would keep us from sliding so far away from how we want to be. And if he did these things, i would submit even more and even better… and we would not have failure or backsliding or fights. Or at least not as much.

i literally said, “But i know i am the submissive and telling my Dom what to do is…. A BIG NO-NO.”

He said, “well, I can see why you feel this way, but remember that ultimately I make the rules and I am now telling you that I want to know more of what is in your head … at least for awhile. I want you to tell me, out loud (not in text), at the moment it applies, how you think I should respond to a situation. I may not do exactly what you say or want me too, because I am ultimately in charge.”

He continued, “But never forget that I am ultimately still your Dom and you will always be my submissive. You are not dominating me, and as such you don’t ever get to discipline me. I am still in control. You can tell me what’s in your head about how you think I should treat or say or discipline you. And I want you to tell me what you think at the time you think it… uncensored. I may just implement your words or thoughts, but I may not. You need to respect that.”

Me: Yes Sir.

W-H-O is the DOM now??

He went on a bit further to say, “I expect your thoughts mostly call for me to be stricter with you. So you should prepare yourself for that inevitable end. I fully expect I will likely implement your ideas at that very moment. And you may not like it.”

Me: “It sounds like i will be switching from submissive to dominant… on myself. I will be co-dominating me with you for a bit.”

(Does this make me the little i or now the Big I? Nah… i will always be the little i…. i know i am a submissive at heart. Just helping my Dom know my limits, know how strict is too strict, how strict isn’t enough? But i won’t be the Big I at all.)

Him: “in a sense that is exactly what will happen. But remember that in the end, I am still your ultimate dominant and your ideas – or switching from sub to Dom – is just that…. an idea. Unless I decide it is something to implement now.”

He then said, “but it will help me to better know what you think would be a good solution to a problem or what your limits truly are.“

W-H-A-T is the ultimate goal?

In essence, we will have a lot better communication. If i am more or less required to tell him how i think, at the time i think it, we will have a lot more communication. David will have a much better understanding of what i think is a successful Dom, and what i will respond to best.

If David knows what i respond to best, he will be a better Dom and i would also be a better submissive.

i am a bit worried though…. will i be creating and molding him into what I want or what he wants? Will my switching lead to me being an island of one? Will I just have a split personality and start submitting to myself? Will he become that robot that i push the buttons and he does as i say?

i don’t think so.

i think we will be better than ever… and always together. But time will tell.

Now i am off to find some sexy Non-blanket-Winter covering to wear to bed! (i have Dom ideas of what he should say to me about this too…. next post!)

Hugs,

Marie

155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

In the last post that i wrote about Winter being Hard, i more or less told you how i don’t deal well with the cold… mentally and how it is soooo hard for me to not just live under a blanket! (Good thing i live in Texas and not North Dakota! Or Canada! Or Russia!)

At the same time, i woke up (yesterday) to find another glitch of this site had caused my original post about Intentional Dependence was back in draft and not actually posted. Well, in order to post it again (and see if it was complete or not), i re-read much of that post prior to re-posting it.

It was interesting to reflect on that post about dependence because i had talked about being dependent upon David to make decisions and lead our family….. compared to as of late, we are in a funk and not quite our normal selves. And i realized how far i have slipped away from being “intentionally dependent” upon him to lead us.

And yes, when i talk about our “normal” selves, i am referring to our Domestic Discipline (DD) way of doing things. i am well aware that most people, including many of you reading my blog, do not do DD or have it as part of your normal life. But we do. And when it is used correctly, it works very well for us.

DD includes me being spanked. For both discipline and maintenance. The maintenance is preemptive, while the discipline is responsive. Both ultimately serve to reinforce and remind me that i am not in control. And my role in our marriage is NOT to be in control, but instead to follow. To submit. i don’t like being spanked. What i do like is the control that i give up and the power i pass over, and how anyone willing to submit to being spanked is humbled and having a real display of submissiveness. THAT is what i like.

But when we drift away from our normal ways, we struggle. And we get into disagreements and sometimes flat out… fights. Yet, when we are in our normal ways and doing what we know works, we don’t fight. Because it is clear who makes decisions and who submits… always.

So when i re-read that post about being Intentionally Dependent, one that i wrote when we were on solid daily DD ground, i saw how far from our DD ways we have gotten. In a very short time too! Drifting away from our normal ways sometimes happens without us quite realizing it. Kind of like when you drift along in the warm waves of the ocean. You look up and realize you’ve moved down the beach 50 yards from where you started. You can still see your staked out spot on the beach, but you’ve moved a long way from it too. You recognize where you should be, but you also see how far from it you suddenly moved.

And just like the beach, i can see where we moved to and yet, know we have to work extra hard to move back against the waves and the natural flow of the water to get back to where we want to be. Which can be exhausting really, but failure is not an option. We have to get back to normal to get our marriage back on solid ground and not drifting any which way the wind and waves take us. (Is it a surprise that i am talking about the beach when it is Winter? If i think warm thoughts, maybe i will become warm too!)

So how exactly do we do that….. how do i have “Intentional Dependence”, how is he responsible for me, and how do we get it back?

Well first is obviously looking up to see we are off course and being committed to getting it back.

But for me, part of what makes our DD ways work is the reinforcement. Having David do his part to enforce the rules, enforce the spankings, as well as praise for doing well.

i said in that post that i am still fully responsible for myself… and i am. But there’s a certain amount of responsibility that David has assumed as Head of our Household (HoH) and like the President, there are no days off. You don’t get to say, “today I’m not going to be President and I’ll pass that off to someone else today”, so is the same in our house. David doesn’t get to NOT lead us. And even more, the President gets re-elected (or not) every 4-years, whereas we aren’t changing this ….ever. More like a King or Monarchy, i suppose, that sill reign until death! (Will Queen Elizabeth ever die? Or if she does, will it be before or after Prince Charles? One does wonder about these things…)

So while it’s true, Winter is Hard, it’s not impossible. But when we just want a break from leading… or submitting… what do we do? How do we get it back? How do we get back up the beach to the spot we know we need to be at?

The short answer is… very carefully!

But you have to be willing to try. And if you fail, you try again. And if you can’t succeed even then, you talk about it. Communication is the key to solving so many problems. But you have to be willing to try to do that also!

Soooooooooo…………..

i have been trying to since mid-Nov to turn things around with me and David. And while it’s slow (patience is needed!), i see progress in the right direction!

What has happened lately? (Yeah… i know i haven’t been here much “lately”…. i honestly HAD to focus on me and David and well…. draw back on something and blogging was “it”).

i’ve focused really hard on trying to be the best submissive wife i can possibly be! And NO, i have NOT always succeeded! And yet, even without complete success, the fights (and even disagreements), have sincerely subsided.

i intend to share some of my particularly recent successes AND failures in the next few posts. But i will give you one example here….

This morning after leaving for work, i texted David. i told him, “i should talk in person, but i just couldn’t bear to see your face when i asked, “Do you like being in control?”

His response, “W-H-Y are you asking this?”

My answer, “Because maybe we have fallen away from our DD ways because maybe you don’t really want to be in control.”

His answer, “you are over analyzing things and you need to stop.”

i said, “could you please humor me and answer my question?”

And he said, “YES I do like being in control. You will never dominate me.”

And i said, “ok, let’s talk more in person about how i feel that lately i top from the bottom.”

And we did. We talked tonight.

But i will tell you that part tomorrow…. along with answering what i left open-ended in the Winter Is Hard ending also.

Hugs,

Marie

154 – Winter is hard

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Winter is Hard….. to feel sexy…. for SO many reasons.

1) Darkness. Whoever invented Day Light Savings (DST) Time was a genius. (DST is the time we have during the summer… when we “fall back” we go back to “Standard time” (ST)). But the person who thought switching it back to ST was idiotic.

It gets too dark too quick. i get nothing done after work. i feel like all i do is work. It gets light about the time to go to work, and dark shortly after getting home.

i read an interesting article from the Farmer’s Almanac dispelling the myth that Farmers started it all! They actually are the biggest opponents to it and argue against it as much as possible! They say the sun dictates their day, not the hour on the clock. The sun tells the crops when to grow and the animals when to wake and eat.

So of course when all i do is “work,” i feel tired and ready for bed. Which means… i am NOT ready for ANY sexual activity.

i would vote in favor of DST year round! Just saying!

2) Holidays galore. i LOVE Halloween and Thanksgiving, but especially Christmas. It is the only holiday that we all decorate our houses inside and out, we greet one another with something other than “hello” and “goodbye” (typically Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays), and everyone gets a gift . And let’s not forget the parties or special events (concerts, theater productions, etc) that are themed and timed all around these particular dates.

Now don’t get onto me about the words “all” and “everyone”, because i recognize not all decorate or that not everyone gets a gift. But… more do than don’t. So meaning, there is no other holiday where even half the people on any given street would decorate the outside of their house, and especially no other holiday with lights too. And no other holiday where we all get gifts, unlike your birthday where it’s just you, or mother’s/Father’s Day where it is just that sex. So it becomes a festive and (literally) bright holiday.

But…. all these festivities require more things be added to the to-do list too. And that means more “work” has to be done to prepare for all this fun and festivity. So we already have fewer daylight hours and now we have more to do in them!

3) allergies and head colds set in. i have been battling this for a week now. My head hurts all the time from a too-stopped-up or a won’t-stop-running nose. That is wearing me down for sure.

But… it gets dark early, soooooo…. off to bed for me! [ALWAYS ways to find the positive!]

4) But the biggest and most primary reason of all that Winter is Hard to be sexy…..We have SO many clothes on!

i’ve experimented with No Clothes on in the house. It was hard to do in the summer for my own modesty (self consciousness) and our teen son in the house. But NOW… because i would be shivering all day everyday. In fact, i have on more clothes now than i did then.

SO WHAT TO DO?

So how to change these negative trends? How do you combat the “winter blah” and still look, feel, and act sexy… to keep the marriage sparks flaming?!

Good question. Glad you asked. Oh wait.. i asked YOU! i want to know…. what do YOU do to stay sexy in the winter-blah months?

i’ve been absent from here lately (and i know you know and i am grateful to those that have asked me about it …. knowing someone cares is sexy all by itself)…… but….. i think it’s time to come back. To embrace the un-sexy part of winter.

You tell me today what you do… and i will tell you tomorrow what i do! Deal? Ok then… give me a comment below then!

Hugs,

Marie

153 – Happy Birthday to me

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Today is my birthday.

Here is how i define myself:

– mother – of 1 boy, 16-years old. He’s an amazing son and almost always follows the rules. Just like me!

– Texan – my whole life, through and through.

– overall Conservative beliefs, but truly believe “vote the candidate, not the party”.

– believe everyone should be able to live their life with freedoms to do as they think and believe are best….. but that also means you don’t push those beliefs onto someone else, because they too have the ability to live as they believe best, which possibly (probably!) differs from your beliefs in part of full.

– kindness is the best attribute to have.

– love others as Jesus taught us to love: unconditionally. No matter their color, race, sex, or other trait.

– we should always be learning. Things that others are different from me, physical or mental, are simply opportunities for me to learn.

– handouts shouldn’t be given as freely as they are, i’d prefer to teach you to fish for a lifetime than to give you a fish for today’s meal. Again, opportunity to learn.

– but if someone is in truly need, the handout should be available and given freely.

– but assess whether you truly need it, or just want it, being honest with yourself and others.

– i am 49-years old. About to live the last 365-days in the 40’s decade of my life. And i am ok with that!

– i feel “old” some days and “quite young” others.

– age isn’t just a state of mind, because my body has regular aches and pains telling me it is starting to feel the decades roll past. (But key word is “starting”, so i’m not “old” yet either).

– friend to many, but especially to my husband and my sister. My sister has been with me from the start of life and my husband has been with me for half of my life.

– married. In January Sir and i will have been married for 20-years, dated for 5-before that.

– submissive wife. i try my best to be as submissive as possible, but recognizing i am not a slave either. i am his wife, who follows his lead and directive.

– get spanked for discipline and punishment when submissiveness fails, or it’s just a Friday for maintenance.

– recognize that i am not in control of much of anything. God is is in control of everything though.

– and that God gave men the directive to lead and love his wife.

– and God also said the wife is to follow, submit and obey, her husband. So i do.

– Christian. As you can tell from above. i believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and will one day come back to save us all from this failing world.

– a failing world in 2020 is where we are. But i know this is not my (ultimate) home.

– and i have come full circle in that while i want you to believe in Christ also, i won’t force it on you. But should you want to know or learn more, consider emailing me. i try to answer all emails, but sometimes i do miss some.

have a great and amazing day! This is the best Hump day in a long time!

Now go have my cake and eat it too!

Hugs,

Marie