Skip to main content

147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, My Dominant Sir, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

i get asked quite a bit…….

“how do you recommend we should start?”

i will answer as best i can, by telling you about our personal start. i think we probably started differently than most others have.

Ultimately though, no matter how you end up going about starting, in the words of Nike, “Just do it!”

Don’t over analyze the best or right okay to do it. Just like a race, when the gun goes off – you have to start running. But of course, most people have trained and prepared before they got to the starting line too.

So… on your marks…. Get set…….. and GO! !

Ok, fine… maybe you want (need!) more information than that. i’ll give it to you, but just know… in the end: START!

And with that…….

When i read about how others have started, many talk about how they started with the rules. Negotiated them out and drew up a contract. The contract lists out all the rules to be followed, the types of punishment to be given for infractions, and even the length of time the current contract is to be in effect. This is definitely one way to do it. And i can absolutely see the benefits. However, we didn’t do this. We have been doing Domestic Discipline (DD) now for 2-years and we have never had a contract.

The reason we have never had a contract has nothing to do with the legitimacy or beliefs of it though. We didn’t do it because we didn’t know what to set out as the rules we would use at the start of this.

If you know what you want the rules to be, then i happen to think a contract is absolutely the best way to start. Because that makes the commitment to do DD, the expectations and consequences, and the time frame all very legitimate and clearly stated.

Taking those concepts one at a time, i want to spend a minute endorsing a contract. Again, i think the key here is knowing what you want the rules to be though, and i’ll tell you about our way after this too and what we did when we didn’t know what rules to put in place.

To begin though, why is a contract even a good thing? Well, it is communication between you. Written at that. Just like a business contract, if it’s in writing, you can refer back to it, look for clarity, and like my sister says, “if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen.” But when it IS in writing, it DID happen. So when you write out a contract and sign, all the parties are committed and agreeing to the arrangement, and knowledgeable about the expectations (and consequences) for success (and failure) to abide by the contract that is set in place.

Stop for a second and i want to add, a contract – whether written or verbal – even helps the Dom. He knows what he expects of her… and he knows that she knows too! And if she doesn’t follow the rules, there is clearly a transgression that must be dealt with. And you, the Dom, didn’t commit the wrong but you are charged with carrying out the correction. You don’t need to feel guilty, give second chances, or think anything more than, “there was a wrong, and I will set it back to right.” So written or oral, rules are good for both sides!

The rules though, in writing, gives the submissive something to look at and see. They don’t get to change on a whim for either of the Head of House (HoH) or his submissive. So no disagreements should arise from unexpected rules put in place or noncompliance of these non stated rules. But the time frame or length of the contract, i would say is even more important, especially when you first start.

The time frame says from this day to this day, this is how we will live. And i think this would likely be the best part of having a contract. There was one particular day that i got so mad that i decided we weren’t doing DD anymore, and screamed, refused the discipline, and walked off. We were in a massive fight and went into The Cold War (of sorts anyway) regarding DD, until the silence was finally broken and we reimplemented it. Had i had a time frame that, at least to start, i would know “this DD lifestyle will end, unless renegotiated and reinstated, on xx/xx date,” i might would’ve not acted the way i did. And instead, tried to be the best submissive possible for the duration, to truly KNOW if this is what i wanted (and needed). people seem to make this be 3- or 6-month increments. This is long enough to commit to this lifestyle, determine if it works, have time to find of these rules are the right ones….. and yet, not so long that if someone wants to change the rules or punishments, or even quit, that there is a time to do it. When the contract nears expiration, you sit down and renegotiate the terms and sign for another term. Especially when you start with DD, this can be especially helpful to know the end date, so you commit to the duration, but if you truly just hate it, it has an end date. But now you can say, “I tried” and truly know you did indeed do just that.

Since we have never had a contract, i have gleaned all that after reading other DD blogs and googling. You can also get ideas and examples of contracts this way too.

But again, that’s not how we did it. The primary reasons we never implemented a contract is because at the very start, i had NO idea what rules to implement! Or which would be good or bad, too much or too little, or ones we both would like or not.

So in my traditional fashion and lifestyle in general, i jumped in with both feet and said, “Let’s just do this!” ……. (ready, set, GO!).

The first thing that i did was to buy a wooden paddle from Amazon, the same one we still use. When it arrived, i said to David, “Let’s start here. Let’s start now.”

i proceeded to immediately go to the bedroom, got naked, and laid on the bed to wait for him. He came in soon after with the paddle and gave me the first ever spanking. It was a very weak paddling. We both knew it. But he had never done this and i had never felt it, so we eased into it from the start. At the time, i was disappointed. But looking back now, i happen to think this was the best way. It gave him an idea of what force to use to get what result. He quickly learned that at THAT level, not much happens. So he now had the base line to work u from there. And so did i.

While i was disappointed, it (the spanking) definitely still stung. But i had wanted and hoped it would H-U-R-T. i wanted to feel his strength, know he was in control, to not be able to sit for a week, to be made to submit, etc. (THAT is a sub frenzy mentality…. and i’m half done with a post on it , so that will be next post up!).

Even though i was disappointed, it already gave me the full taste of what it meant to be submissive. But actually more in the mental sense than the physical sense. Oh, i did know even that day that he had the ability to apply a firm(er) hand and it would most definitely hurt if he were to have gone further, i already knew then that He was in control, not me. He decided how much was enough, not me. He was to be respected and be the one with the “power,” and i was to yield to it. That single first spanking spoke more to my mind than my rear.

And that was how we then started developing, slowly/ one by one, the rules we wanted to implement. As we set them in place, we didn’t ever write them down or make a contract. By the time we got to the place where we knew what we would write down or have in that contract, the contract wasn’t really necessary.

The first rules we set in place were really very simple…… and went like this:

1) When disrespect is shown, punishment will ensue. Respect involves…… (this one is hard because it’s really a matter of opinion) speaking kindly and positively.

As another sign of respect, eventually we added that i am to call him Sir. While i kinda, sometimes said this already, he wanted it to be way more frequently than i was doing.

(In Tx where we live, Sir and Ma’am are used fairly regularly in daily life as a sign of respect. It isn’t just reserved for Dom/sub situations. For example, i say it to employees and clients at work, from a sign of respect. It is most often used when being told to do something. Like if a client says, “I need your firm to help me with xyz.” i might would respond with, “Yes Sir, we can do that.” It is typically on,y used upward in a chain of command, so that the person saying it recognizes the person it is being said to is the one in control and with authority. So i wouldn’t probably ever say it to my son, unless it was to be sarcastic and in a tone that would imply the “who is in control here anyway??” To which, my son would likely recognize that and say something of an apologetic nature and to yield authority back to me. For example, my son might say, “you need to buy me new pencils for school.” And i would resound, “OK, yes Sir!” And he would say, “I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”. Point is, Sir is an outward expression of respect and David wanted me to show and say it more frequently than i was.)

2) The very first rule though that i fully endorse is instituting safe words. If a submissive doesn’t have these, real damage – mentally or physically – can be done accidently or on purpose by the Dom. This is needed especially when being punished. The purpose is to be able to have a way to have things/the situation STOP if you are NOT consenting you it. You don’t need a reason to stop. Inserting, but you need a way to do it. This is it!

Most people employ a red light system. David assumes i am Green, all good to go, unless i call out another color. He knows that while i may not be happy about the situation i am in (and the pain i am feeling from being spanked), he also knows that mentally i am ok and accepting. And still consenting!

If, however, i call out “yellow,” it means i am feeling like we need to slow down. But i am still accepting. And lastly, if i call “Red,” whether stated or screamed, i need him to stop immediately. And he would. And every (good) Dom should and would also!

But every submissive should know this is to be used sparingly also! It is not to be overused, or used when not needed. NEVER cry-wolf …. ever. Remember: You have already agreed to this dynamic and you did do something to land you in this place….. but you are NOT allowing him to abuse you either.

This system allows me to control the ultimate outcome. It gives me piece of mind to know that if i ever feel as if i am in trouble, being abused… or just DON’T CONSENT ANYMORE, i have a way out. Which is why EVERY Dom should stop immediately if they hear “Red”. Or whatever safe word you chose.

i have only ever called out yellow once and never red. And it was a time that David was striving to get me there already anyway. So the first spanking established the low end of the range and this one that i called yellow was when he wanted to know what was my high.

From there, over time, we added things as we went along. We still to this day refine the rules often. If you know what you want them to be upfront, even if it is say for 3-months at a time, then by all means write out a contract. But for us, we were experimenting, exploring, and well…. novice. So we made it up as we went along.

Ultimately though, i would tell you to get started you need to do the following:

1) talk about it and agree to it…. written OR verbally. In order to get a general idea of what is expected of one another, and the consequences thereof.

2) decide if you want to make it up at the start or as you go along. This is kinda important because if the sub thinks she knows all the rules and the Dom throws a new one on her, it may not go well unless she already knew this may happen.

3) maybe consider a “practice spanking,” which is what i call our first one now. You don’t have to have a paddle… a hair brush, a wooden spoon, or a belt are all easy at-home-already implements to consider, but a hand works very well also!

And get started! As i said before………

Ready….Set…. GO!

Let me know your thoughts:

If you are a novice, did this help?

If you are experienced, would you add or subtract anything? If so, what?

Hugs,

Marie

139 – Ass Access

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 139 – Ass Access

*** i wrote this on Sunday, now 5-days ago, and i wasn’t sure if i liked it or not. i’m still unsure if i like it, but i am having “writer’s block” and decided to post this anyway. Hopefully tomorrow i’ll have inspiration to write something else too.

**** so if you have some inspiration, things you want to inspire me about, things you want to know and could give me good stuff to write about … email or post a comment. i’ll gladly accept all your ideas l. 🙂

As a submissive, it is a bit confusing to me why some deny their ass to their dominant. i think you should submit FULLY.

i understand it is a hard limit and a BIG-ASS-NO! (Yes, pun intended!) for many people. But i don’t understand why.

Allowing my husband access to my body anytime and anywhere …. and any part of it…. seems to me as just part of the job title. Aside from health/medical reasons, i don’t see any reason why a submissive should deny their dominant that pleasure.

i simply don’t want to be sending a message that says, “you are in charge here and here… but NOT here.” i agreed to be his submissive in Full. All the time. So why would one particular hole be off limits?

i think many women are against it for a couple of reasons…..

1) Fear….of pain. Yes, it does take a bit of going slow in the beginning to get a big cock in that hole. The sphincter muscle is tight and doesn’t want to stretch. With lube and going slowly though, you can press past it, where it relaxes enough to allow his cock inside. And once it’s inside, then a few times moving slowly in and out, and the pain all evaporates and is replaced with pure pleasure!

2) Humility. The best position to have anal sex, in my opinion, is with her on all fours like a dog. And he enters her from behind, mounting her, like a dog. Hence “doggie style.” So getting on the bed, on your knees, opening your legs, and letting someone go there can be humiliating. But it can also be humbling, as well as humiliating. i happen think “humble” is what every submissive should be though anyway. And with having to bend over every week for spankings, this isn’t a new position for me, so i just don’t have this particular problem. And every good submissive should draw on their humility side to summon the courage to assume this position.

3) Filth. Ok, so the ass does have a lot of unclean messy poo that can be a turn off. And it does take an “adult mentality” to deal with this side of things. i have learned that giving myself an enema a few hours before we have anal sex, it cleans everything out pretty good overall. Yes, this is also a bit gross. And again, an adult mentality about it has to be assumed. Enemas aren’t painful, very effective, and not hard to administer. It takes about 2-3 minutes to put it in, and takes another 2-3 minutes to get it all out (it just comes out!). And of course, if you aren’t willing or able to plan an enema well, anal hole sex or play can get messy and possibly a lot of clean up required afterward too. Yes, i am absolutely talking about “gross stuff.” But my point is, this shouldn’t be THE reason to withhold your ass from your dominant as this is really very manageable too!

4) Inexperience. Causes nervousness. Causes us to say no. But don’t be afraid to try new things. Ever. You can miss out on some amazing things just for fear of saying “yes.” And plugs can be a great way to train for it. Plugs come in different sizes and shapes and styles and prices. Try wearing one for a bit (even 5-minutes!) to get used to the feeling of having your ass filled.

And speaking of plugs…. this entire post has been inspired by the fact i have one in my ass right now. Earlier today Sir said, “I want to fill your ass.”

Again, as a submissive, i allow David access to ALL my holes whenever he wants. So even though it was 2:00 pm on a Sunday and our son was upstairs, i said, “Yes Sir. Of course Sir.”

And i went to the bedroom and undressed.

i started to climb on the bed and get on all fours, like a dog and preparing myself (mentally) to have him between my legs. That’s when he said, “go get out the black plug and lube it up.”

So i did. And i handed it to him.

And that’s when i climbed on the bed on all fours. He didn’t have to tell me to do this as it was understood.

i put my head down and my ass up. Sir said, “hold your cheeks open.” This causes me to basically lay on my shoulders and face in the bed. So yes, this is humiliating. But i chose to say “humble” instead. i know that i am making Sir happy by submitting and bending to his will.

That’s when i felt the tip of the plug at my anal hole opening. Sir started to push it in. Because it has been awhile since we’ve done anything anal, i knew this was going to hurt to push past the sphincter muscle. But i’ve been here before so i know what to expect. The best way to allow the plug entry is to push down from the inside, to use the muscles that you’d use to have a bowel movement, causes the muscle to open up. So i did that.

David went reasonably slow, by pushing in a bit and pulling it out, and repeating the process with it going in just a bit further each time.

The last push was absolutely one that took my breath away and i cringed. But it was in! It was fully seated in my ass.

He stood me up, kissed me, and said, “don’t forget… what I put in, only I take out! And I will let you know when it is to come out.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.”

It was then that i asked him, “is it the act of putting it in or knowing my ass is filled that makes you feel good?”

He responded, “Both!”

i also asked him, “and how does this exactly make you feel?”

He said, “Powerful.” And he leaned in and kissed me again.

i won’t deny… when the plug comes out, i’m hoping something “else” goes in! (Wink wink!) Time will tell.

It makes me happy to be submissive… fully… my ass included. And i wonder if i am alone or if you also allow your dominant access to ALL your holes also?!?

Hugs,

Marie

132 – Submission… put to the test

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 132 – Submission… put to the test

i have said before that when i am stressed at work, i am NOT the best submissive at all. i tend to be short-tempered, have no time (or tolerance) for small talk, and want to get answers/solutions – not problems!

Today was one of those days.

Sir called me at work and asked me to do something. i barely had time to talk on the phone and he’s like, “So do you know anything about this situation….. and can you call and find out? I’d call, but the account is in your name and I’m not sure they will talk to me.”

What I heard was, “blah, blah, blah…. I’m taking up your time …. you need to call.…. ok, so I’m going to talk some more and take up even more of your time even though I know you don’t have it, if for no other reason than …. I can.”

And what i said was, “Yes, great. i’ll call right now.”

Well….. so i knew i needed to probably not speak to him “that” short, and even throw in a “Sir” word here or there, but it was better than saying what i really wanted to too. i just wanted off the phone and to make this call right away to get it off my to-do list. So when we hung up, i called. Immediately.

But that’s when i needed a 2-way authentication code to “verify i am who i say i am,” but it was one that was sent to his phone. When i texted him to get the code from him, he didn’t answer or give me the code before it timed out. So then i was even more annoyed!

i texted saying, “please tell me when i can send the get the code resent to you that you’ll be able to respond timely.”

(Ok, so i already told you i am NOT submissive and more of a ‘cut to the chase and let’s get this done’ person when i get stressed….. but at least i did say “please”. Ha!)

That’s when he texted back, “I’m on the phone with them right now.”

And all I could think was, “WTF!?! You wasted my time talking about this between you/i and NOW even more wasted time as i try to get this done!!! And NOW you just went and did it anyway!?! And didn’t bother to tell me either?!?”

That’s when i was at least smart enough to put my phone down and not text or talk to him. And i went back to my original to-do list that had me stressed out in the first place.

Instead, i vented to a friend all about this. She is also in a similar D/s with DD marriage. So i knew she’d understand! She is very wise and i respect her words and perspective fully.

As always, her perspective did indeed help me! She said, “Now… let’s brain storm how you can handle things so that when you get home you avoid a red ass.”

(Even she knew i was in hot water for the way i was speaking to Sir….. which if i didn’t calm down this to respond better, that my rear end would be on the losing end if i continued on this path!)

She suggested i request to be spanked to relieve the stress.

i told her i didn’t want to do that.

WHY would i want to request a spanking politely if i could simply spew my anger, and earn one legitimately?!?

That’s when she asked, “What aspect of the spanking do you not want? David’s dominance, the pain, admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation, the relief that’ll come after? Something I’m missing???”

And i responded to her by saying, “I want the relief after …. but I don’t want any of that first part. No, you aren’t missing anything. You know me too damn well!”

But the part i didn’t want to admit to her, and possibly even to myself, was THE aspect i didn’t like the most was the “admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation”. Because while i did do that (react poorly), i felt like he was wrong in how he acted. He knew i was stressed, facing deadlines, and had zero time. And then he didn’t bother to even tell me he was just going to take care of it anyway!

But……..

Let’s face it, we all know “two wrongs don’t make a right” and i’ve already told you that it just doesn’t matter! Submit anyway!

And she said, “I just want my beautiful friend to feel better. But you probably know what you need to do too.”

So before i changed my mind, i texted David, “i need to be spanked. Soon.”

And he wrote back, “I agree.”

Then he asked, “I know why I think you do, but why do you think you do?”

Great. Trick question. i told him the truth. How he made me made and my thoughts. But ultimately how my thoughts were far from submissive.

He wrote, “I could tell you were mad, but I didn’t know why.”

So he agreed.

i already felt relief come over me. So could we just skip the spanking-pain part ?!?!

The rest of the day was way more productive than beforehand. When i got home, we didn’t talk about this. i know it will happen in the morning. Our son doesn’t know about the spanking and we like to keep it that way. So i have no doubt when he’s off to school, i will he told to Assume The Position. And i gladly will….. although again, can we just skip this part now??

While the pain will suck, the ultimate relief will be good. And i do want David’s dominance, but i don’t want the humiliation of having to ask for it or say it out loud either.

What i know is my wise friend thinks a lot like me, so she’s easy to talk to and helps me do things i don’t want to do, but i know i need to do. And she saved me today from yelling at my husband, causing an even bigger problem.

(See D/s with DD works!)

But do i ultimately still think he’s wrong? Would i have possibly avoided a spanking if i had not asked for it? Would i have gotten (stress) relief some other way?

i don’t know the answers to those questions and i never will…. but i suspect the answer is “yes.”

But does it matter? i asked to submit from the start of our D/s dynamic, i still (really) want it, and …. it works. Really, it does! Even when i’m mad, he’s wrong, and i don’t want to submit.

Hugs,

Marie

129 – BJ

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. 1 Comment on 129 – BJ

This morning our son left for school and i went to shower. When i was out, and before dressing, i asked David, “should i assume the position now?”

(i mean it IS Friday…. and that is Maintenance day!)

Instead of a “yes,” what i heard surprised me. He said, “no, get dressed and come see me before you leave (for work).”

i was pretty surprised we were skipping maintenance, but it worked for me! Although i wasn’t sure what the “come see me” part was about either…. but whatever. No big deal.

Then i finished preparing for work – i dressed, hair/make up, jewelry and i went to see him….

He said, “get on your knees. You’re going to suck my cock now.”

He has never been that bold or direct really, especially about a BJ. (He uses a lot of passive-aggressive sentences which i really don’t like at all!)

So i was a bit surprised and my face must’ve shown it as he said, “don’t look at me like that. Just do it”. And he dropped his shorts and i dropped to my knees.

As i gave him a BJ, he made comments like “it would’ve been nice to make your ass a bright red today.”

And “I could’ve fucked your ass if I didn’t think you’d try to orgasm.”

And “this is about me. I made you put clothes on for a reason. You don’t get yours until tonight!”

(i think my ass was on his mind…. no complaints from me!)

Hearing him say those things made me so wet! And he even said, “I bet you are dripping right now. Like I said, there’s a reason I had you fully clothed to do this. You would’ve wanted to touch yourself and you are just needing to wait a bit longer.”

Well……. i was indeed SO super wet, that i was dripping! When i was done, there was a huge wet spot on the outside of my jeans that i had to change my pants! It was so visible from the outside it just wasn’t acceptable to go out of the house that way.

When he saw it, Sir asked me, “you didn’t cum, did you???”

And i said, “No Sir. Just ready for tonight. And us being together with BJ.”

He said, “yeah, I get TWO BJ’s today…. from you now and them later.” (Oh how funny was that little pun!)

So i need to hang on for a few more hours to get my own BJ also!

Have a great day….. i know i will!!

Hugs,

Marie

126 – Spring Break ends

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 126 – Spring Break ends

Finally! Today is the first Day of School for our Son since Friday March 13…..

T-H-A-T explains everything……. the last day of school was Friday the 13th! That’s what caused COVID and home school and the longest Spring Break ever. Glad to finally have all the answers! Ha!

Seriously, today is the first day back to school and the first one he’s gotten to drive himself too! (He turned 16 in the middle of the shutdown.).

So i did not drink my coffee in the nude this morning. But our Son was hardly out of the driveway and David said, “You should probably go edge now.”

While i knew that meant there really was no maybe, should, could, might to it…. that’s not what he S-A-I-D. So i got all cheeky ….. or one might say bratty….. and said, “i think you should drop the passive and just be aggressive when speaking to me.” And i immediately got my ass out of the chair and went to do it. (i got a raised eyebrow and a look but i didn’t land myself in trouble! Thank Goodness!)

Then i got in the shower. And he came in and said, “you chose to shower instead of edge??”

i said, “i already edged.”

He said, “that wasn’t long enough.”

i said, “you weren’t explicit or clear about the time either. i need details if you have something in your head.”

He said, “when you get out, edge again. And then come find me so i can check how wet you are.”

So i did. i was definitely wet!

And he proceeded to play with my puss then too. He knows from my facial expressions when i am close to orgasm. He said, “Don’t cum! You don’t get to do that until Friday…. with B&J! We will do this daily to be sure you are wet and ready for them too!”

Great…. a (work) week of edging. Again…. this week just can’t go by fast enough!!!!!

Sooooo ready to see BJ on Friday night! Time to get schooled properly!!

And our son made it to school on time, early in fact, and texted me to tell me he was there. He was actually happy to start school and be back “to normal”. Now for the rest of us to get there too!!

Hugs,

Marie