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Tag: orgasm control

185 – Sunday (Chastity) Fun day

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 185 – Sunday (Chastity) Fun day

i know that David doesn’t always read my posts, but sometimes he does too. He read my last post about (fictional) stress relief and he was kinda amused but i really think mostly annoyed.

No, we didn’t get into a fight. But his annoyance was real.

We go to church most Sundays. Frequently we drive separately though because David is apart of our church’s tech team and works on the live stream, camera switching duty crew. As such, he has to be there much earlier than the service start time, so we generally drive ourselves.

Well i was finishing that post when he was on his way to church and i sent him a link to it. i wanted him to see where my mind has been lately….. me realizing he has work-stress, i need to give him space, be a good submissive wife… and yet, feeling sex-needy too.

i think it’s easy to get distracted from ourselves and our relationships when work (aka: Real Life) gets in the way. i think this is part of why they say “making a marriage work is hard work.” It has to be intentional and you have to make time for it. Kinda like putting meetings or appointments on the calendar, you almost need to do the same thing with your spouse.

But that seems silly, right? To make an appointment with my husband to do…. what exactly? Watch tv? Eat dinner? Have sex?

Shouldn’t all those things “just happen naturally”?? And can “scheduled sex” be fun? Don’t you need to feel like it first?

Well…. yes and no. i mean, sure… it should happen naturally. But sometimes it just doesn’t. And when it doesn’t, it may need to be scheduled. Even scheduled sex can be fun… and at the very least, it can serve as a reminder of when you did “feel like it” naturally. And that remembrance trigger could cause the desire to want it to return too.

Oh don’t misunderstand, we have desires. We aren’t NEVER wanting sex or sexual relations. Heck, that’s pretty much the point of my last fiction post…. i have these desires but it’s not lining up with Sir’s desires, or time availability, and hampered by the stress he has at work too.

So I suppose that’s the other thing about it… you have to both feel like it at the exact same time too. And again, life gets in the way. Making marriages hard to maintain, without scheduling it on the calendar.

Well, that’s the thing about being a submissive wife… who happens to be feeling sexually needy… my job is to serve him. In the way that’s fulfilling to him. Remember that other post i did recently about that too? (Oh wait… i haven’t finished that one. Okay, sneak peek … the book “Real Service” i am reading is all about how a sub provides a servo e to the Dom, but only in ways and tasks that the Dom actually wants and desires. That post soon to be finished too!)

Now coming back to this Sunday morning, he read my fiction post when he got to church. While he’s on the tech team, and they do a run through, much of his duties include “making sure it all works fine.” Which pretty much means he has to set it up, sit back and wait to see if it works or doesn’t while all the musicians and pastors go about the practice they need too. So he has a lot of down time, and that’s when he read my sex-filled-post…. while at church. (Devious of me, right?)

Yeah, he kinda thought so too. He wasn’t happy that i have pointed out his stress (and not much time for me right now), and texted it to him while he’s at church no less. But then again, i doubt he was surprised either.

He texted me with, “I read this. You haven’t worn the chastity belt in awhile. I suspect you’ve gotten yourself hot and bothered while writing this post. You best not have caused yourself to orgasm without permission. If I find out you have, you’ll be punished. Have you?”

Uhmmmmmm. i am getting a bitter sweet answer to my (unintended) cry for attention………

He told me it seems i am “acting out in a passive-aggressive and unbecoming way.”

i have said before i probably should call myself a brat-type-submissive. i truly didn’t intend this to be that way, but as i stop and think about it, i think he’s right. (Ok, i know he’s right… but i don’t like being wrong. And i didn’t do it on purpose, so i don’t even want to admit it now either.)

The text continued, “You need to dress for the day and wear that chastity belt. Bring the key with you to church. I’ll hold onto it the rest of the day. I’ll decide when you can or should be released. Maybe it will be after I orgasm first though and given my stress level, I have no idea when that may happen!”

i don’t get sexual release. But i do get sexual attention. And it wasn’t a scheduled appointment either. And i probably do need a spanking to be reminded to be submissive while being reminded the bratting-way isn’t acceptable …. while also being reminded that submission is about my service to Sir in the way that is meaningful to him. Just saying.

i guess i have a long day ahead of me. And it’s now time to dress for church.

Hugs,

Marie

173 – Multiple choice(s).

Written by Marie on . Posted in Maintenance, My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 173 – Multiple choice(s).

Yesterday was a bit of a hard day at work. It was a fast-paced day and i was pulled in many directions. All in all, i came home emotionally drained.

i debated with myself if i needed a spanking or not. i have said before that when i get stressed, i am not very submissive….. but what about “just tired”? How is my submissiveness then?

So then i thought i was feeling needy instead too. In need of sexual release. Maybe i just needed to relax in a warm bath. Or maybe i needed to just know i was not in control.

i just couldn’t quite decide…….

And found myself thinking, “What exactly is it that i need??”

That’s when i realized the ultimate answer was i needed to release the feeling of “always needing to have all the answers,” which is exactly what happens at work. i need to have solutions. But not at home. It’s nice to know i am NOT in control and just need to follow directives.

So i went to David and said, “i think I need a spanking, an orgasm, or a (butt) plug. What do you think?”

He immediately responded. “All of the above. Go assume the position and I will be there shortly.”

A-L-L of the above??

So, i went to the bedroom. i got the plug out and ready on the nightstand, and then assumed the position with the paddle in the small of my back, bent over the bed and waited.

i managed to escape all (but one) spanking, including Friday maintenance, in the month of January. Which was good AND bad! Good for obvious reasons, but bad because: 1) my bottom quickly forgets how much that paddle stings, and 2) skipping maintenance tends to lead to trouble in the end for us because maintenance is a reminder for both of us of how we like to keep things.

So to the forgetting of how those paddle swings feel….. Those first warm up paddle smacks were quite a reminder for me today! i hadn’t felt that in awhile and wow… how easily and quickly we forget!

That paddle barely touched me and my rear end warmed up in a swift HOT minute. After a few minutes of warm-up, i then received 5-true swift and strong swats. i let out a yelp as each one collided with my ass. And then .. just like that… it was done.

And to the skipping maintenance part…. well maintenance keeps things going in the direction we want. It is a reminder for David of how to lead and direct our family, and a reminder to me of how to submit through actions and words both.

After that stinging spanking, Sir said, “And now the plug. Stay still.”

i felt the plug start to slide into my back hole. i haven’t worn one in awhile so it felt super large, but of course it was the same as always. Sir was kind and eased it in slowly until the widest part popped into its place, which caused me to gasp for breathe for a split second.

That’s when he said, “now turn over on your back and spread your legs.”

i did as instructed. And wow, did my rear end instantly sting more as i laid it on the bed after being freshly spanked. Not to mention as i spread my legs i felt the plug push in deeper as my cheeks squeezed together too.

Then he went between my legs and made me see stars. He made me beg for that release i so needed! i was allowed to orgasm only after the third time that i asked, because he simply ignored the first two requests. He knows how to have the intensity build to a heightened level and makes me wait and beg in earnest for permission to cum.

It is truly a challenge to hold it in and NOT cum when it’s what you want most in that moment. Following his lead is a real challenge in that moment. But i did succeed and that release was SO intense and amazing and mind numbing too.

That’s when he smiled at me and said, “ok, time to redress. Don’t take the plug out without permission.”

He pulled me up from the bed to my feet and smacked my ass hard with his hand just one more time, to which his grin grew as big as ever. The easy words that fell from my lips were, “Thank You Sir.”

He kissed me and said , “you are welcome.”

It was a true mental, and physical, release that i so desperately needed. NOT being in control is an active decision. It was exactly what i needed, but didn’t even realize i was even needing or seeking until i turned the decision over to David. And when he took control, i was able to relax.

That’s how my day ended yesterday. Was your day better?

Hugs,

Marie

165 – No touchy-touchy

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The official rule is i do not touch (at all) any of my private parts without permission. The idea being that touching leads to pleasure, which leads to orgasm. And orgasms from my body are for his pleasure, not mine. And taken without permission is stealing, which we all know is wrong.

But just recently, the rule morphed a bit. Now it’s not that i can’t touch, but that i can’t touch WITH MY BARE FINGERS. So…. when there is a barrier between my fingers and said private part, touching is allowed.

Honestly, this is more realistic anyway. i mean seriously, how can i NOT touch myself to dry off after the shower? Or even while in the shower, how can i clean myself without touching myself? And even dressing caused me to brush against myself to put clothes on too.

So now…. if there is something between my hand and my skin, touching is allowed. But orgasms are still absolutely not allowed without permission.

i know this rule changed because i had recently explored a loophole in that original no-touch rule. i wasn’t entirely sure if it was authorized, and yet, found myself doing it with justification anyway. Justification in my own mind, of course!

While in the shower, just before turning off the water and drying off, i tend to just stand there and think. i think about the day ahead, the to-do’s, what i’ll wear, and so on.

Well, one day, i thought, “i would SO like to touch myself and orgasm right now!” And as i looked a bit upward, a lightbulb went off that went like this……..

We have a removable shower head. The kind that has the long cord and you can spray the water where you want. (We have primarily used it to bathe the dogs more easily and to clean the corners of the shower itself). “i could use that shower head to clean the corners of my body …. it could spray my breasts and pussy up close.”

So i did. And it was fucking hot. Like the turn-me-on hot, not referring to the water temperature!

And then it moved lower with the thoughts, “If you feel this good on those tits, guess how much better you’ll feel with the water spraying on that sweet pussy too!” (Yeah, it wasn’t “sweet” at that point… it was very naughty!)

And yet, i did. And the temperature inside me rose even more!

Then i decided to play a game with it and moved the water all around and told myself to stand perfectly still and NOT move or flinch and “just enjoy it.”

i justified it all by saying, “i am NOT ACTUALLY touching myself.” But i knew, the same as you do now, that i was anything but compliant. Which is when i felt the guilt rising up, causing the heat to turn cold in a hurry. So i stopped. (Hey, at least i didn’t orgasm!)

The next day though….. i saw that shower head and thought, “Man that felt good.” And did it again. And the third day too.

It was then that David happened to walk in the bathroom at the very moment i was doing it. And i stopped cold in my tracks. It was already too late. He saw. He’s not stupid.

i just knew i would be feeling way more heat on the outside of my ass in just a few short minutes than anything like what i had just been feeling inside my nether regions! That paddle would cause the heat of my pussy to turn ice cold too.

However, to my complete surprise, instead of being mad…. he was amused. He thought it was a smart way to think outside the box and wanted to see it in person. He made me continue for him to watch.

While i don’t know what it feels like to live-work in the red light district of Amsterdam, i have been there and seen it. For those that haven’t, it is an entire street filled with elevated boxes, one after another. And inside those boxes the ladies dance seductively, inviting someone to come inside and partake. When the lady is in the box, they have red lights on and dance. But when someone comes to partake, they turn the light out and pull the curtain. The “boxes” are varying in size, but are substantially similar to a stand up shower size with enough room to move around and not feel claustrophobic and yet small enough to not take up unnecessary space also.

So not exactly the same, but standing in the shower with the glass between us reminded me of those ladies in the red light district. i felt i was “on display” for my Sir to see me “dance” for him. i felt strange and uncomfortable though, like out of my element. Which i think was merely due to the fact i had been caught and was now having to do this for the express purpose of him watching and to gain his approval.

He told me to continue to “see just how close to the edge of orgasm” i could get myself. The following day, he told me to, “Go edge with the shower head.” And made me do it. Again, he came to watch.

He made me go over the edge and orgasm with just the water alone. i didn’t even think that was possible, but i did achieve it and it felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

That’s when he changed the rule to, “Touch yourself all you want…. but never with your hand directly on that pussy that belongs to me without a barrier of some sort in between. And never orgasm without permission. And if you do, I expect you to report accordingly.”

Yes Sir.

My first thought was elation for having a bit more freedom now. But that was a week ago. And the self-imposed edging is thrilling…. until i have to force myself to stop.

Stopping (before an orgasm flows forth) is without a doubt… the very hardest thing to do! You just don’t want to. It’s like being in a race, in first place, with your competition so far behind you that you barely even register they are there…. when you suddenly pull up. You STOP at the finish line, without going over. And you stand there so long that someone else wins the race. Now you are standing on the awards podium in the second place position with the winner gloating over you that you lost and they won.

It felt SO good for such a brief moment. And yet… because it felt that good, you are in the blocks ready to go run the very same race again the very next day with the very same ending!

So every day now, i do this self-torture by using that shower head to my (not quite complete) satisfaction. i raise the temperature inside me, in the shower just to finish second on the podium.

That’s when i get out of the shower and ask Sir if i can orgasm. Lately his response is something like, “just took a shower, did ya?? Yeah, good for you! But no, not today. No orgasms today, but ask me tomorrow. Maybe then.”

And he winks at me, only to send me off to dress for the day ahead.

So with that, it is now time for me to go get in the blocks, run the race, and beg for an orgasm… to start my day. Think of me while you are in the shower next, and consider using your removable shower head in creative, temperature-rising ways too!

Hugs,

Marie

163 – It’s a dildo day

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In my last post i mentioned wearing a dildo to work.

i will tell you all about what happened….. and in the end, ask you again, “Am i a sex slave and submissive wife? Or just slave? Or just a submissive!” Where the line from sub ends and slave begins is my unanswered question at the moment.

But maybe it’s not really important what title i (or you) put on it. It just might be more important that i was following a directive from my Sir. And i was submitting…….

He said, “Bring me the inflatable dildo.”

Yes Sir. And i did.

He said, “Spread your legs.”

And i did.

And he pushed it up inside me. (i wear no panties, per his instruction from long ago. In fact, he took them away and i haven’t seen them since. i can’t wear them if i wanted to.)

He said, “Set an alarm for 60-minutes. Every hour, you will pump the bulb twice. And then report that to me in person or text.”

“Don’t miss or forget to do it, every hour. Both the pumping and the reporting.”

And he grabbed the pump bulb and squeezed it 5-times to give a start.

And off to work i went. The entire dildo fits right up inside me, but after it is squeezed many times and it inflates it becomes difficult to keep it inside. When i mentioned that to Sir, he said, “squeeze your legs tight to keep it inside.”

And that’s basically what i did. i had to or else it would have fallen out … into my pants and would’ve slid down my leg until it came out. NOT happening to me while at work!

Every hour. All day. The alarm went off, i gave two good pumps, and texted, “Another hour. 2-more pumps.”

By the day’s end, i had received 25-total pumps. The dildo was quite large. It felt fine while inside. But when i had to take it out for a restroom break, pushing it back inside was a major effort for sure! It i wasn’t going to disappoint my Sir, and i followed his instructions to the T.

And mid-way through the morning, in addition to the dildo, i received a text. It said, “Time to edge.”

i stared at it for a minute and texted back, “at work? Now?”

And he texted back, “Yes. That’s what i said.”

Thankfully i have my own office and have a birds eye view of anyone approaching, so i pushed my hand down in my pants and found my clit. i rubbed it until i almost exploded. i was at “the edge” of orgasm. And i wanted it. i wanted that orgasm.

It took everything in me to stop. But i did.

Why did i stop? Because i am a submissive (or a slave?) and i was told to edge. i was not told to orgasm. Orgasms from my body do not belong to me. i agreed long ago to never orgasm without permission. And i haven’t been given permission on this day to do anything other than go to the edge of orgasm.

i texted and said, “i have done it. But i really want to cum.”

He texted back, “Good girl. No. Do it again. Now.”

Holy crap. i did it again. It took about ONE minute and i nearly went over the edge. In fact, for a split second i actually thought i had gone over the edge (and orgasmed).

i felt panic rise in me. You see, because i am submissive, i want to please him. And had i gone over the edge, i would’ve felt badly. You’d think i would enjoy an orgasm and relish in the moment. But no, i would have no pleasure in an orgasm that is not allowed. And i wouldn’t want to see Sir’s face when i had to tell him i orgasmed without permission.

i was relieved when i knew that i had … quite literally…. gone to THE EDGE but had NOT gone over.

i told Sir all these things and he was quite pleased with me.

He said, “You will receive your reward when you are home. Now two more pumps and don’t forget to continue.”

By the end of the day, my puss was sore and stretched. But i was happy!

Upon getting home, Sir said to lay on the bed and wait for him. When he came in, he played a bit with the dildo pushing it further in and back out again. When he pulled it out fully, he commented on just how inflated it was and was impressed.

Then he put all five fingers inside me and pushed all the way to his knuckles. And pushed in and out. Then while in, he moved his fingers rapidly.

i begged him to allow me to cum. When he said no, i responded with, “Please Sir… either stop or allow me to cum… otherwise i will go over the edge without permission and i do not want to.”

He smiled and said, “Orgasm all you want.” And his fingers moved easily inside me and he felt me squeeze and release all over them! He kept going and i felt the ripple of more orgasms flow from me freely.

When he pulled out, i was exhausted.

We were both disappointed that he couldn’t get his hand all the way inside me, but we have determined his hand is simply too large. He said he will find a female suitable to do it for us, and when he does, he will take pictures. i will be ready!

i followed orders and was rewarded with multiple orgasms at my Sir’s hand… quite literally. i pleased him and he pleased me!

That all happened yesterday. Today, my puss is sore and thankfully allowed to rest. Will wait to see what tomorrow holds.

So what do you think…. submissive? Slave? Some combination of both? Or does it even matter….. i do as i am told, and i am rewarded. And when i don’t, i am punished. i happily accept both!

Hugs,

Marie

161 – Clothing optional

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As i said before, i am having a hard time being naked now that it is winter. For two reasons:

1) it’s cold. Are you shivering as you walk around the house!? Or do you sit under many blankets on the couch… making it where you may well not officially have clothing on, but you are still covered up? (Making the naked part a moot point?!)

i am too cold… and practical…. so i want my clothes on.

2) i guess i don’t “enjoy” being naked. What i do enjoy is him noticing, seeing, touching freely, and being happy. Some might call that being an Exhibitionist, including ME. Exploring labels for myself was a short-lived series of posts, but maybe i should revisit that list to see if longer posts are in order… including Exhibitionism because i DO like being on display!

But if those things – Sir noticing, touching, commenting about my nakedness – don’t happen, well….. what’s the point? ……… And then i tell you to see #1 above. Circular referencing… leads to putting clothes on in Winter especially.

But…. you all gave me some ideas in that last post about clothing and i felt inspired. i decided to try something. i don’t have to be wearing full on Winter Wooly (not-sexy) PJ’s just to stay warm.

The first thing i have done is many (many!) searches for “crotchless PJ bottoms” and “PJ bottoms with snaps in the crotch” and “easy access PJ’s”.

i haven’t really found anything that would give David access and me warmth/comfort. What i have found is a lot of lingerie, onesies for smalls to wear diapers underneath, or just regular ole’ PJ’s. Come to think of it, this might be a great product/ business idea…. creating sexy PJ’s that allow for easy access, but warm – when privates are not in use – too! If you have some, or find some on the internet, comment with a link! i want to buy them! or maybe i need to sew some!

Failing that search….. last night i asked to take a bath and David said yes.

FYI: It is a rule that i have to ask to do things i find pleasurable. And i must always ask to get in the tub because i am naked, alone, tits and puss right there to see, fondle, arouse… and well… you get it. This could also be a topic for another post so i will stop here on this and get back to it.

After David granted permission for me to soak in the tub, i decided to make it extra warm. Not scolding, but warm enough that upon exiting i would feel my blood pumping and essentially be “overheated.” To make it where i needed to cool off, rather than add on winter-thick PJ’s.

So this is what i did. And when i got out, i decided to sleep nude. i thought this was a win-win. Not cold, AND able to be on display for his viewing pleasure.

As i walked to my side of the bed, on the wall side, i passed David, on the bathroom side. He had just gotten in bed to read himself and he noticed me walking naked. (As i said … win-win!)

He said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

i said, “No, not unless you’d like me to be covered up Sir.”

He said, “Won’t you be cold?” (Even he knows how cold i get).

i told him what i had done, and he smiled. That’s when he reached over and played with my (still pierced) nipple. He likes pulling them outward, and especially now when the nipple is semi-erect all the time anyway. Yet another longer post idea, so will also stop here on this too.

As he played with my nipples more, i began to feel aroused and he could see it on my face. He said, “What will happen if you wake up in the middle of the night horny? Will you play with yourself??”

i said, “No Sir. i will have to ignore it and go back to sleep…… OR ….. (insert devious smile on my face)….. i could go down on you and suck you hard, then climb on top of you, and fuck you til i cum. And THEN go back to sleep.”

He smiled and said, “if you can do accomplish all that, then go for it!”

Well, i slept well and never woke til morning. Upon waking today, he said, “i didn’t sleep through my blow job, did I?”

When i responded with, “No Sir,” he asked why i didn’t do it. Of course i told him how i didn’t wake up. Which was all said while putting on a PJ top, to which he asked why.

To that question, i said “because it is cooler in the living room than the bedroom, and besides, i am not covered up by a pile of blankets.”

He responded with only a “hmmmm”.

i think maybe he DOES enjoy seeing my naked body and being able to fondle me at will. Maybe i need to sleep naked more often again too. And when i DO wake up in the middle of the night, even with him sound asleep, fuck him hard… for my own pleasure… it would be for my pleasure until he wakes up and joins with pleasure of his own. 😉

So i get #2 above satisfied with prancing through the bedroom on display for David to notice, and #1 satisfied when we snuggle in to sleep… under the 9-blankets already on the bed!! Making this circular reference go in the best possible order!

Have a great Monday…. Christmas is almost here!

Hugs,

Marie