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118 – Labels… of the submissive type

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i have been exploring the idea of putting a “label” on my submission. i don’t know why exactly, but i think it’s because when you label something or someone, it makes it become more real to you. Like, when i say i have a red car…. you now know i drive a CAR (not a SUV, truck or minivan) and it is red. Now you can see it in your mind, and this is why they say a picture is worth a thousand words.

But since i can’t do research of what a specific submissive label LOOKS like, i’ve instead done research of what it SOUNDS like and am going to try it on for size to see if it FEELS like me. In doing all this research, i’ve come to realize just how many labels there are. Here i thought “submissive” was a label, and while it technically is… it’s apparently just a quite generic type of label too.

Like what do i mean? Well… there is the bratty submissive (which i did label myself already), the experimentalist submissive, the baby girl or middle submissive, exhibitionist submissive (which i realized i kinda already claimed also!), rope bunny submissive, non-monogamist submissive, the masochist submissive,… etc.

(“Well Forrest……. like I was sayin’, shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey’s uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried.”)

So i’d have to say i could probably put ALL those (listed above) particular submissive labels onto myself! But maybe a few just in a strangely defined way. (Stay tuned). But if i had to pick one…. uhm…. ok, time out….. WHY exactly do i need to pick just ONE?? i’m not sure that i can. And you can’t make me!

Seriously though…..since i already DID pick just one, the BRATTY SUBMISSIVE, i suppose that’s the one that i most associate with. But i’m not entirely sure that’s true either.

Before all this research, i’d tell you i was the Experimentalist Submissive (ES). One site describes the ES as:

“Experimentalists want to have tried it all. An open mind and an insatiable curiosity are their key features, and they will rarely form an opinion before they have gathered first hand experience. They often have plenty of fantasies and will actively pursue to try them out.”

Uh yeah… that definitely sounds like me….. in life AND in the bedroom too!

My mom used to tell me, “you know…. Curiosity killed the Cat.” In fact, i heard it so much that i began to respond back with, “well, its a good thing the cat has 9-lives then!”

And did you know that “Curiosity killed the Cat is only half of the saying?” The whole saying is: Curiosity killed the Cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

According to Wikipedia, “Although the original version was used to warn of the dangers of unnecessary investigation or experimentation, the addition of the rejoinder indicates that the risk would lead to resurrection because of the satisfaction felt after finding out. The resurrection element may be a reference to the multiple lives of a cat.”

Ok…. now we are getting somewhere! It all comes full circle!

i have always said (even on this site a time or two!), that people should have an open mind and be willing to try new things. How do you KNOW you don’t like something if you’ve never tried it?

We probably all heard as a kid when the peas were set out in front of us, “how do you know you don’t like it? You haven’t even tried it.” And i’m guilty of saying it to my kid a time or two too!

Well….. i have tried it. And peas are gross. Their consistency is as gross as their flavor, especially that inside. As soon as you bite into it, you have this squishy, mealy, pasty inside stuff on your tongue! Ugh…. blah… gag! Gross! Just gross!

But if you’ve never tried it, you wouldn’t know it from simply looking at them. Because their outside covering shows them as a simple, small, innocent-looking, solid round ball that just roll around on your plate.

Soooooo i try new things. While i have rode in a hot air balloon, i don’t just try exciting, thriller type things, but everyday things too…. like peas.

So much so my life-motto used to be, “i’ll try anything once.” But after awhile, i even knew that “once” may not be enough to try new things either! Maybe that one time was a bad experience. How would you know that unless you tried it again to compare?

Maybe the peas were overcooked and if they hadn’t been, their inside consistency would be different? So i know i didn’t like them the first time, but cooked differently i would have. (And i did… and peas are still gross!)

So now my motto is, “i try things at least twice, to confirm the first opinion was accurate.”

Experimentalist through and through! In everything!

So sure when i asked for D/s, i didn’t KNOW what i was getting into exactly. But i did know, i wanted to try it. i wanted to experiment!

i knew it wouldn’t hurt to try it (ok, so it DOES hurt but who knew!). and what we were doing at the time wasn’t working either. So what did i have to lose?!

And now, i try all sorts of things in the bedroom ….. no panties, no bra, corsets, chastity, anal plugs and anal sex ……… i bet you don’t have as much experience as me!

Now where a ES can get into trouble here is when he/she “tells” their Dom about all these things they want to try. The ES is merely trying to convey their fantasies and desires to experiment, but the Dom may just decide the ES isn’t “S” – submissive – at all. And trying to tell the Dom how do their part…. or… topping from the bottom!

It seems like the best thing for a ES would be a ED (Experimentalist Dom …..NO, i did not mean Erectile dysfunction — get your mind outta the gutter. Lol.).

But stop and ask yourself….. Have you even tried half of the things you say are awful or terrible? Next time you find yourself saying, “That’s bad” or otherwise having predetermined it’s not for you….. including the peas…. maybe you should stop and ask yourself, “have I even tried it at all…. Or twice to confirm?”

And if not….. try it!! Because you just might like it…. the way i like being submissive and i dare say… spanked too!

Hugs,

Marie

117 – Second guessing

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Why do we do it? Why do we second guess everything we say… we do… we think…. everything?

Our son took a speech class where the teacher told them, “you are not the star of the show.” Meaning….. if you say something stupid, or fall down the stairs, or walk around with the back of your dress stuck in your panties, it is most definitely embarrassing…….But… when you are NOT the star of the show, no one remembers you nor what happened or what was said. Oh sure, they will laugh for a minute, but 5-minutes after that…. you are a distant memory!

So why do we second guess ourselves if 5-minutes after it happens, no one remembers?

i say it is because we want to be liked… or dare i say …. LOVED! We want people to like us, and we get nervous about messing it up to give that person a reason to not like us.

But it can backfire too!

We are trying to hire some people at work right now and one lady we interviewed this week wouldn’t stop smiling and nodding her head. She was going for the, “yes, I’m very interested and engaged” (and I hope you like me) look. But it came off creepy and weird instead. If only she’d been herself, she’d probably have been better off. But as it is, we don’t know the “real” her and have zero knowledge if we should consider her as a good candidate to hire now.

Why am i talking about all this exactly? Well…. our date went well. But we were second-guessing ourselves along the way too.

Dating can be especially hard then when you are swingers. Now there are 4-people, instead of the usual 2, who all have equal opportunity to second guess! And to worry. And to not feel confident. Why? Because we want to make a good impression and for them to like us. All 4-of us!

Just so it doesn’t get confusing, his initial is B and hers is J…. so they are “BJ” together. How wonderful is that??

So J thought she might’ve talked to much. B was concerned that David wasn’t engaged (and therefore) uninterested. i worried about quiet a few things actually….. first about what to wear (too sexy, not enough), then about our D/s with DD dynamic coming off as “too much” to them, and finally when i knew they were worried, i worried about them worrying! And David … well…. i don’t think he had any concern. Lol

Why were they concerned? Mostly it was over David. In their mind, he wasn’t participating, having fun, or otherwise seeming interested. And yet…. he was. But he’s being himself too. He’s not trying to play the part of the star of the show.

David is a naturally quiet, laid-back, go with the flow, kind of guy. And when he has something to say, he does. But at the minute he’s not having fun, doesn’t want to be there, or otherwise (truly) not engaged…. he’s out. He’s done. And we leave. If David didn’t like them, we would not have even gone to dinner with them a second time. And if at any point during the dinner, if he was out then even, we would’ve up and left. Instead, we were there for 3-hours while the wait staff was hoping we’d leave and they could reseat and flip the table for the night too. Yet, we were there using our squatters rights to hold the table from the next diners while talking and having a great time. All while the other 3 of us were busy second-guessing ourselves.

So i’d dare to say that of all 4 of us… David probably had the best time! Because he wasn’t busy second-guessing, worrying, trying to impress, or …. trying to be the star of the show. Now what i will say is he’s been having a lot of sinus problems lately and even went to the doctor this week. The doc thinks he’s allergic to something but we don’t know what. So if David was unengaged at all, it was because he was in his mind thinking about whether he’s allergic to food/drinks, something in the air/outside….. and how can he work towards getting all the sinus drainage to stop.

So when we left there, i still think they had the feeling of a little uncertainty, and yet David talked in the car ride home all about “the next date needs to be at a place we can all get naked!” Of course, i am privy to all this insight because i am a naturally observant person and picked up on the sentences here and there like, “I think I’m talking too much,” and “Is David all good?” So i’m not sure if any of them know that i know this was the ultimate vibe or not.

After setting aside all this second-guessing and uncertainty, i dare say we all love each other! Oh i know it is way early to say that out loud even to ourselves really … but we are all having so much fun and enjoying things together when we are NOT worrying, that this could truly lead to a long term thing! We talk about everything and the topics just flow from cooking to sex to tv shows to kids to favorite restaurants and then bringing us full circle of what to cook again. And everything in between too!

Yes, we have talked a lot about sex too. They know David and my dynamic. They even saw a slight bit of it in action last night. J was about to say something, but i wanted to speak too. And i it my hand up and said, “wait J, i want to first say….” and it cut her off mid-sentence. David then cut me off and said in a very dominant/strong voice to me with direct eye contact, “that was rude and way too aggressive.”

i immediately stopped speaking, looked at J and said, “i am sorry. David is right. Please continue.” i think both BJ were a bit surprised, but laughed it off, and she said, “oh no, you can go ahead.”

i wasn’t sure what to do though because i wanted to follow David’s clear direction, but i also had been yielded the floor and didn’t want it to suddenly get awkward. And at this moment typing this to you, even i don’t really remember what happened next. (See.. 5-minutes later, no one remembers!). i think i then kept talking though.

So ironically, our second-guessing personal issues went head to head at that moment. i was concerned about our dynamic and their response, she was concerned about talking too much, and even B’s concern about David not engaging was at stake too. David did engage (by telling me to slow down), they did respond perfectly well to my submissiveness (didn’t skip a beat even!), and she yielded the floor to me (to not find herself talking too much). None of us realized any of that at the time though.

So in reality, we are all perfect. And are worrying wayyyyyy too much. Even now as i type all this, i can’t think of a single moment or instance that i thought J was truly talking too much or when David wasn’t engaged or when B seemed overly concerned about any of it either. Which tells me that our son’s speech teacher is right… we aren’t the star of the show and people don’t remember the single moments of mishap. And unlike my interview this week, when you show your self-confident, natural “you”, that ultimately sends the message you both need.

And yet…. we still second guess ourselves.

And that’s ultimately just because we really want each other to like each other! In an interview or on a date. Because we care and we (all) want this to work. To which for us and BJ, i am absolutely confident that it is!

Now i just have to make sure they know it is too!!

[And in case you want to know….. although i wasn’t sure at the time, David did not take the paddle with us. So i did not get spanked at the table or in the parking lot. So i did not have to spend the night in the pokey! Nor did we do maintenance when we got home either. Sometimes David declares it unnecessary, and he did that yesterday. So i suppose i was deemed to be on my best behavior too!]

Now to plan the next date…. to get naked!

i give this show 4-stars… get it, there’s 4 of us and we are not the stars of the show… but it is a “4-star show” in the end…. 😉

Have an amazing weekend my friend!

Hugs,

Marie

116 – Another hot date!

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Quite literally, the temps in Tx are over 100! So it is a date that is hot. And i found a new weather app called “WTForecast”. It gives you crazy words to describe the weather upon opening the app.

Like just now…. this is what it said:

That’s funny! That’s the weather version of ME and my cheeky comments!

Ok ok… that’s not exactly what you want to hear about…..

Y-E-S …. we are on our way to dinner with our new couple. Date #2 – one week after the first date.

We’ve had an amazing week messaging back and forth and we are headed to another fun dinner with them now.

i’m super excited to see them too! It will be fun, we will laugh, be honest, and talk about everything imaginable!

At what point can i say they are our bg/gf’s?!?! Hmm. i dunno. Maybe not yet.

No, we don’t plan to have sex tonight either. Just dinner. But i do have on a skirt without panties, so it’s possible i may get some fingers inside me at some point.

But today IS Friday and we haven’t done maintenance for the day. So i have to be on best behavior too.

David told me he might bring the paddle with us and have them do it for him. When i asked him how that would happen, he first said, “I’ll make you assume the position at the table.”

i laughed and said, “i guess i’ll eat before we go so my stomach won’t be mad at me when i spend the night in jail!”

Then he said, “seriously …. maybe in the parking lot afterward.” i don’t think he would. i’m not worried… too much. Lol.

i do know maintenance waits for when we get home though, so it’s possible it could be more like a punishment if i don’t act right too. But i will. Cuz i want to! Cuz i know it’s going to be F-U-N!

So i’ll tell you more tomorrow!

PS …. their initials are “BJ”. i think that’s fitting!

Hugs –

Marie

115 – A Bratting Submissive

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On a previous post, a fellow blogger suggested that i may well be a “brat.” When she suggested it, i indicated i would research it. And i have.

And i must admit, it probably does describe me. Okay, fine, it DOES define me. Scratch the word probably from that sentence before.

But i didn’t exactly want it to be true though! The word “brat,” conjures up thoughts of a cranky, little child who is likely throwing a temper tantrum in order (to try) to get things their way. And the parent becoming incredibly annoyed that their child is acting this way, causing frustration that the parent even has to deal with this behavior.

It’s a negative behavior. Or so it seemed anyway. And i don’t want to be negative, troublesome, or to be problematic.

So all this is quite ironic because when i started googling various words and phrases about bratting, in my mind i heard myself saying things like, “i don’t even know why i am bothering to look this up. This is a waste of time. i am not a brat!!! This is just SO stupid to think this might describe me! This is SO not me!”

Kinda sounds like a cranky little kid throwing a temper tantrum, doesn’t it??? Oh my! Palm plant to the face now!

Ok…. so… after some time to “change the attitude,” i reread her exact comment that she made and it said, “Bratting isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Daddy happens to love it about me.”

Okay, so if it isn’t necessarily bad, then it could be inherently good! And she even said her Daddy likes it about her. That’s when i restarted the google search with a much improved attitude… looking for the good and not just bad.

i did this second search as i laid in bed next to Sir. One site described a submissive brat as:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive, usually female, who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually in a lighthearted manner. A brat’s qualities will usually be fundamental to their dynamic. Brattiness may be temporary or enduring”.

When i read this (silently), i started to giggle (out loud). David asked me what was so funny and i said, “Listen to this….” and i read him that paragraph above. No preamble or backstory for him to even know what prompted the search or the read to begin with.

His response was to nod his head in agreement, to raise his eyebrows upward, and say, “oh yeah! That definitely defines you!”

He continued, “its the mischievous and cheeky words, typically in a lighthearted manner, that seem especially applicable. I always know if you are being cheeky or intentionally disobedient. You keep it fun… most of the time.”

This got me to thinking about how our entire relationship has ALWAYS been this way. We have always said things that can and often do trigger one another. But we typically do it in a lighthearted and fun way. Although in the past, when it did sometimes go too far and over the edge of acceptable, it became contentious which sometimes led to fights.

Now…… we don’t fight. We settle things according to our way of DD. It’s in these times when i particularly pushthe limit of acceptability that i find myself Assuming the Position for a spanking where often i end up regretting my actions!

But all this research and label-making got me to thinking about my entire life and things i’ve done that might’ve been brat-like-behavior. Often at the time i do it, i find myself thinking, “why did i do that??” and more often than not the answers that come back include, “because it’s fun…”, or “because i can” or “because i want to see their response.”

i ultimately don’t ever do things that truly, intentionally cause harm or pain or difficulty to others. Just enough to cause them to move out of their comfort zone and provide a good laugh (for me especially)! FYI….. While i think April Fools day is fun, i don’t typically do a lot…. because i get fearful that my idea of a joke may not be received as well (lighthearted and cheeky) as i intend it to be!

So an example of what i do do…. in public groups, i have noticed people tend to sit in the exact same place every time, like it is their assigned seat. But.. we know… it’s not. Not really anyway. So i like to disrupt their pattern.

Here’s a particular example…. i used to belong to a networking group designed to help build your customer base. We met over breakfast every week. Same day, same time, same place and for the most part… same people. And i noticed after several months of going … those same people sat in the same exact spot too.

And one day… i decided to mix it up.

i arrived a couple of minutes early and put my things in one lady (Mary) “assigned seat,” effectively ousting her and claiming it as my own. i then walked around, mixed/mingled, and waited to see her come in and discover her seat was taken…. and ultimately to see her reaction.

i wasn’t far from “the seat,” when Mary arrived. i saw her but she didn’t know i was watching her response or that i was the trouble-maker. Alright… go time!

She stopped short. Looked around. Looked confused. And then proceeded to have a “oh well” look and selected the next seat to the right. She put her things down and went to get water/bathroom before the meeting started. ohhhhh this just got interesting because that is Jeff’s spot! So the plot thickens!

So now Jeff arrives and sees his spot taken, and says in a questioning but in a calm/comfortable tone, “Who took my spot?” loud enough for most of us to hear. Well since Mary was in the bathroom no one really responded to him. So Monica is always the helpful, peace-maker, and offered up that he could sit next to her and he did. But T-H-A-T spot belonged to Lisa!! So at this point, i am smiling outwardly and giggling inwardly. i am SO bad, but this is SO fun. And i didn’t ultimately cause any real HARM. i just mixed things up ….. just a little…..

When the meeting came to order and everyone was seated, Mary says aloud, “Marie! So you are the one who took my seat…. and caused the trickle down effect…. resulting in half the room needing stronger coffee this morning!” Okay, guilty as charged… but wasn’t this fun mixing things up? (While they laughed…. i don’t think they had as much fun as i did!!)

My sister says i am a, “shit-starter,” and she rolls her eyes at me, and smiles as she says it. So i suppose on some level it makes sense that i’d be the same way with David too.

But since he’s now known me for almost 25-years now… i’d say he likes me and my crazy shenanigans so i am probably ok here! But now with DD, he even has a way to respond (positively/ no fighting) when i go too far too.

So ultimately i guess I will own the label…. bratty submissive. But only the good parts.

And i’ll share some other labels in coming posts that i think would or could also apply too! i wouldn’t want to limit myself to JUST ONE! 😜

Go have a great day…. and mix up someone’s routine by taking their seat today…. it will be fun!!

Hugs ~

Marie

Day 17: My Submissiveness

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DAY 17: “IT’S NOT LIKE THAT … “What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?”

Where do i start?? Lol! Ok, seriously, i feel like i could talk about quite a few. But THE one i’ll talk about here is….

Kinky people are not abnormal. (See that double negative there… that means kinky people ARE normal).

When you hear the word “kinky,” it is in reference to (and an adjective of ) how they like their sex. So in that sense, i admit kinky people are not mainstream, but they (we!) are indeed still normal.

Yet, i would like to even out forth the argument that they ARE mainstream, just in the closet. i happen to think that kinky sex people are the new closet-lurkers that used to be inhabited by the gay/lesbian community. But once the gay/lesbian people evacuated the closet, kinky sex people took their place.

Or maybe kinky sex people were always in the closet, yet with gay/lesbian standing at the front (nearest the exit), no one noticed us there. Until of course, gay/lesbians decided to open the door and outted themselves.

i think kinky became the new closet-lurkers with the release of 50 Shades. i think EL James let the world know, “we are here, now in the closet alone, which is cool by us because this just gives us more room to spread out in here and to explore our sexual preferences… yet still in the dark too.”

i think the word “kinky” could be replaced with “adventurous” or “adrenaline junky” too.

i think it humorous when people want to scare themselves intentionally via watching a horror movie, or getting on an extreme roller coaster, or skydiving from an otherwise perfectly good airplane – and yet – having adventurous sex seems abnormal, odd, strange, or unusual.

So somehow getting my type of adrenaline junky adventure on has deemed me odd, strange, or unusual. Yet scaring myself until i cry, urinate myself, or otherwise cause my heart to race itself into a premature attack is deemed acceptable. (Okay, so sometimes maybe kinky sex causes crying, urination, and heart attacks too…. but … again, that just goes to show we are normal and why is our adrenaline seeking methods less acceptable than others?)

i dare say, like gay/lesbians, we are probably enjoying better and more frequent sex than the nay-saying, mainstream community has ever had.

i have asked the questions above about “why are kinky people’s methods deemed abnormal when the other mainstream activities are not.?” But you and i both ultimately know the answer…. because it’s not the way we were raised, because we aren’t supposed to be with more than one lover at a time, because we shouldn’t like being spanked or treated like a child or otherwise degraded….. or so it would seem to the outsider anyway!

And yet…. we do.

Our likes (and dislikes) don’t make us abnormal. i’d say maybe judgements and misunderstandings should be deemed the abnormal behavior here and the mainstream should be forced to bend a little. Oh wait…. that’s already happened by those gay/lesbian peeps before us. Honestly, while i think kinky people are ready to also evacuate the closet, we will probably just ease out slowly and walk along the path that those gay/lesbian (and EL James) Trail Blazers already cut for the rest of us!

So when someone at work, who you deem “normal” tells you some crazy and kinky story about their sex life…. don’t change your opinions about them one iota. They are still normal too!

Oh – and if/when mainstream DOES “bend a little” – i hope it’s so they bend OVER to get spanked or at least to have some of the best sex of their lives!

Hugs ~

Marie