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147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, My Dominant Sir, Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 147 – How to Start Domestic a Discipline Relationship

i get asked quite a bit…….

“how do you recommend we should start?”

i will answer as best i can, by telling you about our personal start. i think we probably started differently than most others have.

Ultimately though, no matter how you end up going about starting, in the words of Nike, “Just do it!”

Don’t over analyze the best or right okay to do it. Just like a race, when the gun goes off – you have to start running. But of course, most people have trained and prepared before they got to the starting line too.

So… on your marks…. Get set…….. and GO! !

Ok, fine… maybe you want (need!) more information than that. i’ll give it to you, but just know… in the end: START!

And with that…….

When i read about how others have started, many talk about how they started with the rules. Negotiated them out and drew up a contract. The contract lists out all the rules to be followed, the types of punishment to be given for infractions, and even the length of time the current contract is to be in effect. This is definitely one way to do it. And i can absolutely see the benefits. However, we didn’t do this. We have been doing Domestic Discipline (DD) now for 2-years and we have never had a contract.

The reason we have never had a contract has nothing to do with the legitimacy or beliefs of it though. We didn’t do it because we didn’t know what to set out as the rules we would use at the start of this.

If you know what you want the rules to be, then i happen to think a contract is absolutely the best way to start. Because that makes the commitment to do DD, the expectations and consequences, and the time frame all very legitimate and clearly stated.

Taking those concepts one at a time, i want to spend a minute endorsing a contract. Again, i think the key here is knowing what you want the rules to be though, and i’ll tell you about our way after this too and what we did when we didn’t know what rules to put in place.

To begin though, why is a contract even a good thing? Well, it is communication between you. Written at that. Just like a business contract, if it’s in writing, you can refer back to it, look for clarity, and like my sister says, “if it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen.” But when it IS in writing, it DID happen. So when you write out a contract and sign, all the parties are committed and agreeing to the arrangement, and knowledgeable about the expectations (and consequences) for success (and failure) to abide by the contract that is set in place.

Stop for a second and i want to add, a contract – whether written or verbal – even helps the Dom. He knows what he expects of her… and he knows that she knows too! And if she doesn’t follow the rules, there is clearly a transgression that must be dealt with. And you, the Dom, didn’t commit the wrong but you are charged with carrying out the correction. You don’t need to feel guilty, give second chances, or think anything more than, “there was a wrong, and I will set it back to right.” So written or oral, rules are good for both sides!

The rules though, in writing, gives the submissive something to look at and see. They don’t get to change on a whim for either of the Head of House (HoH) or his submissive. So no disagreements should arise from unexpected rules put in place or noncompliance of these non stated rules. But the time frame or length of the contract, i would say is even more important, especially when you first start.

The time frame says from this day to this day, this is how we will live. And i think this would likely be the best part of having a contract. There was one particular day that i got so mad that i decided we weren’t doing DD anymore, and screamed, refused the discipline, and walked off. We were in a massive fight and went into The Cold War (of sorts anyway) regarding DD, until the silence was finally broken and we reimplemented it. Had i had a time frame that, at least to start, i would know “this DD lifestyle will end, unless renegotiated and reinstated, on xx/xx date,” i might would’ve not acted the way i did. And instead, tried to be the best submissive possible for the duration, to truly KNOW if this is what i wanted (and needed). people seem to make this be 3- or 6-month increments. This is long enough to commit to this lifestyle, determine if it works, have time to find of these rules are the right ones….. and yet, not so long that if someone wants to change the rules or punishments, or even quit, that there is a time to do it. When the contract nears expiration, you sit down and renegotiate the terms and sign for another term. Especially when you start with DD, this can be especially helpful to know the end date, so you commit to the duration, but if you truly just hate it, it has an end date. But now you can say, “I tried” and truly know you did indeed do just that.

Since we have never had a contract, i have gleaned all that after reading other DD blogs and googling. You can also get ideas and examples of contracts this way too.

But again, that’s not how we did it. The primary reasons we never implemented a contract is because at the very start, i had NO idea what rules to implement! Or which would be good or bad, too much or too little, or ones we both would like or not.

So in my traditional fashion and lifestyle in general, i jumped in with both feet and said, “Let’s just do this!” ……. (ready, set, GO!).

The first thing that i did was to buy a wooden paddle from Amazon, the same one we still use. When it arrived, i said to David, “Let’s start here. Let’s start now.”

i proceeded to immediately go to the bedroom, got naked, and laid on the bed to wait for him. He came in soon after with the paddle and gave me the first ever spanking. It was a very weak paddling. We both knew it. But he had never done this and i had never felt it, so we eased into it from the start. At the time, i was disappointed. But looking back now, i happen to think this was the best way. It gave him an idea of what force to use to get what result. He quickly learned that at THAT level, not much happens. So he now had the base line to work u from there. And so did i.

While i was disappointed, it (the spanking) definitely still stung. But i had wanted and hoped it would H-U-R-T. i wanted to feel his strength, know he was in control, to not be able to sit for a week, to be made to submit, etc. (THAT is a sub frenzy mentality…. and i’m half done with a post on it , so that will be next post up!).

Even though i was disappointed, it already gave me the full taste of what it meant to be submissive. But actually more in the mental sense than the physical sense. Oh, i did know even that day that he had the ability to apply a firm(er) hand and it would most definitely hurt if he were to have gone further, i already knew then that He was in control, not me. He decided how much was enough, not me. He was to be respected and be the one with the “power,” and i was to yield to it. That single first spanking spoke more to my mind than my rear.

And that was how we then started developing, slowly/ one by one, the rules we wanted to implement. As we set them in place, we didn’t ever write them down or make a contract. By the time we got to the place where we knew what we would write down or have in that contract, the contract wasn’t really necessary.

The first rules we set in place were really very simple…… and went like this:

1) When disrespect is shown, punishment will ensue. Respect involves…… (this one is hard because it’s really a matter of opinion) speaking kindly and positively.

As another sign of respect, eventually we added that i am to call him Sir. While i kinda, sometimes said this already, he wanted it to be way more frequently than i was doing.

(In Tx where we live, Sir and Ma’am are used fairly regularly in daily life as a sign of respect. It isn’t just reserved for Dom/sub situations. For example, i say it to employees and clients at work, from a sign of respect. It is most often used when being told to do something. Like if a client says, “I need your firm to help me with xyz.” i might would respond with, “Yes Sir, we can do that.” It is typically on,y used upward in a chain of command, so that the person saying it recognizes the person it is being said to is the one in control and with authority. So i wouldn’t probably ever say it to my son, unless it was to be sarcastic and in a tone that would imply the “who is in control here anyway??” To which, my son would likely recognize that and say something of an apologetic nature and to yield authority back to me. For example, my son might say, “you need to buy me new pencils for school.” And i would resound, “OK, yes Sir!” And he would say, “I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”. Point is, Sir is an outward expression of respect and David wanted me to show and say it more frequently than i was.)

2) The very first rule though that i fully endorse is instituting safe words. If a submissive doesn’t have these, real damage – mentally or physically – can be done accidently or on purpose by the Dom. This is needed especially when being punished. The purpose is to be able to have a way to have things/the situation STOP if you are NOT consenting you it. You don’t need a reason to stop. Inserting, but you need a way to do it. This is it!

Most people employ a red light system. David assumes i am Green, all good to go, unless i call out another color. He knows that while i may not be happy about the situation i am in (and the pain i am feeling from being spanked), he also knows that mentally i am ok and accepting. And still consenting!

If, however, i call out “yellow,” it means i am feeling like we need to slow down. But i am still accepting. And lastly, if i call “Red,” whether stated or screamed, i need him to stop immediately. And he would. And every (good) Dom should and would also!

But every submissive should know this is to be used sparingly also! It is not to be overused, or used when not needed. NEVER cry-wolf …. ever. Remember: You have already agreed to this dynamic and you did do something to land you in this place….. but you are NOT allowing him to abuse you either.

This system allows me to control the ultimate outcome. It gives me piece of mind to know that if i ever feel as if i am in trouble, being abused… or just DON’T CONSENT ANYMORE, i have a way out. Which is why EVERY Dom should stop immediately if they hear “Red”. Or whatever safe word you chose.

i have only ever called out yellow once and never red. And it was a time that David was striving to get me there already anyway. So the first spanking established the low end of the range and this one that i called yellow was when he wanted to know what was my high.

From there, over time, we added things as we went along. We still to this day refine the rules often. If you know what you want them to be upfront, even if it is say for 3-months at a time, then by all means write out a contract. But for us, we were experimenting, exploring, and well…. novice. So we made it up as we went along.

Ultimately though, i would tell you to get started you need to do the following:

1) talk about it and agree to it…. written OR verbally. In order to get a general idea of what is expected of one another, and the consequences thereof.

2) decide if you want to make it up at the start or as you go along. This is kinda important because if the sub thinks she knows all the rules and the Dom throws a new one on her, it may not go well unless she already knew this may happen.

3) maybe consider a “practice spanking,” which is what i call our first one now. You don’t have to have a paddle… a hair brush, a wooden spoon, or a belt are all easy at-home-already implements to consider, but a hand works very well also!

And get started! As i said before………

Ready….Set…. GO!

Let me know your thoughts:

If you are a novice, did this help?

If you are experienced, would you add or subtract anything? If so, what?

Hugs,

Marie

145 – Equality. Between me and Sir.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 145 – Equality. Between me and Sir.

i said i have been receiving many emails with many questions. Well here’s another one i received…..

Aren’t men and women equal? If YES, why is He in charge and you submit?

i happen to think…. Y-E-S …. we are. Equal. Overall. ALL people – men and woman and “other” (whatever your gender identity happens to associate with today) ….. are indeed equal!

At least…. Mostly. But like everything, there’s always the exception to every rule.

EQUAL: Let’s talk equality first.

What about mentally? Y-E-S, when it comes to the capacity, ability to apply, and rights among people – men and women are absolutely equal. So to this idea of brainpower, i think of the best teachers, doctors, accountants, or similar profession — we are indeed equal. There’s no doubt a woman can do these things just as good as a man.

From a mental capacity, ability to make decisions, or position in life requiring critical thinking – women are every bit equal to men.

So if women are equal to men with their brain power, it is also fair to say we are equal as it relates to our rights in humanity. Things like ability to vote, get a job, buy a house, etc. Women are indeed equal!

INEQUALITY: And yet there are some things that women are indeed NOT equal to a man.

Just to be clear, i don’t think we are completely 100% equal, but then again, no two people are alike. And let me explain…..

Most definitely it takes some effort for some (say a woman), to do what others (say a man), can do more easily when it comes to physical abilities. But it IS possible. Here’s an example. i think it is a scientific/medical fact that men are naturally built/ born with more muscle than a woman is. But if a woman works hard enough, she can be just as strong. And let’s face it, not all men use their God-given muscles to their fullest, so if a woman works hard and a man doesn’t, she can actually prove to be stronger than he! But all in all, because of natural muscle-tendencies, men are stronger than women. Which is why i think men are more suited for some professions or activities than men. Like playing football. Or serving in the military.

Now with that last one… serving in the military… don’t get upset with me, because i also think you can do anything you set your mind to. So while a woman may not start out equal to a man, if she sets her mind to it, she can absolutely achieve the same results. But it takes a lot more effort to get to the same level, and even more to exceed that of a man.

So women can (and do!) serve in the military for sure. (And i suppose play football too). But i feel that neither of those are easy professions for women to chose, simply because our body isn’t naturally built with the same level of muscle as a man’s is. So it forces women to have to work much harder than our counterpart to get to the same level they can more naturally achieve. Which is why i happen to have a LOT of respect for women military personnel for the bad-ass selves that they are! If they set their mind to being just as good, or better even, AND worked that much harder to overcome the naturally less-muscular position they started at than the man… they have more than earned my respect!

There are other physical inequalities too, such as breastfeeding. It is for a woman and a woman alone. Oh i suppose i have seen in the news about a man breastfeeding. But it has always been a situation where it was either: 1) a man who was born a woman but had a sex change, 2) a man who has taken a significant amount of hormone pills, or 3) both.

Men are not naturally built for or designed to breastfeed. This is something that God intended women to do alone.

So while mentally, women are absolutely equal, physically we are not. BUT – in most cases – the equality can be achieved when a women is so determined and absolutely must be respected!

MY PARTICULAR POSITION… while i AM equal, i still have a choice about how to show it or exercise it.

And it is because i am equal, that i am allowed to exercise my right to apply that equality any way i so chose.

i intentionally chose to NOT be equal to the man in my life. i intentionally chose to let David be in charge, and to lead me and our family. i chose to submit.

Being submissive doesn’t automatically declare me less equal or less capable though …. or … well… in any way just “less.” i am NOT less. At all.

i have a brain in my head that is absolutely every bit as equal to David’s. And i use it! i use it to intentionally chose to be the submissive and to yield and to be the pliable one to bend to his authority.

i have nothing to prove to anyone about my equality. i know i am respected in the community and in my home as well. But even if i weren’t, i am confident in my position in my life and marriage (as the submissive one), to voluntarily chose to not have an equal say in everything in our household.

Could it have easily been the other way around – i am in charge and he submits to me? Yes. Because we are both indeed equal and capable of leading. But i intentionally set my mind to knowing and showing want to allow him to be the one in charge.

While i don’t have to yield to him, i chose to do so. But that doesn’t make me any less equal either.

So go out and be there bad ass banker, college professor, photographer, or student that you know you are!

Because YOU are all EQUAL!

Hugs,

Marie

142 – Toughest Part

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 142 – Toughest Part

*** had problems with the site and this post dropped off for some unknown reason. Reposting it now. If you read it when it was here before, it’s the same now.

i was recently asked, “What was the toughest part of transitioning to this lifestyle?”

It occurred to me maybe others wonder this too. SO…. i decided to post about this. And maybe some of my favorite people (with even more experience than me!) can comment also and give even more insight on their experiences too!

There have been a few things that have been hard actually. Here’s a couple that i can immediately think of: 1) learning to forgive myself. When David says penance has been served and it is truly “over” it really is! and 2) to not give up on this lifestyle when it doesn’t work right away, but to communicate and work out the details and try again.

But the single thing that has personally been “the” hardest for me, and i want to spend the rest of this post talking about is……

Learning to curb my tongue.

In the past, when i had something to say, i said it! Without any real regard to how it was said…. tone, wording, timing. None of it.

i felt i had the right to speak my mind to my husband…. anytime i wanted and specivically in any way i wanted. We were equals after all!

But looking back on it now, i realize i said things in ways that were quite frankly rude, disrespectful, or even demeaning.

i’d tell you that i spoke to coworkers or friends in ways that were better than how i spoke to David. i didn’t mean to and i never saw it that way then. But i certainly do now. Now my eye glass lenses have been adjusted to see with 20/20 vision! And i don’t especially like what i see now for how things were then.

i felt though that i could “speak my mind in honesty” with him, where i couldn’t with others. And while that is still true now (that i can speak my mind to him), i didn’t pay any attention to HOW i said it to him. Whereas now, i absolutely do!

Also i never had the right to speak down to him (or to coworkers about him) that used words that (effectively) raise me up above him. But i did. i’d say things like, “Are you sureeeeee that’s the best way to do that?” implying that MY way was better or more superior, but of course, making him guess what that was or even goading him into asking me “and what way is that?”

At the time, i didn’t ever see it tis way (demeaning, degrading) at all. Not really anyway. Oh i suppose there were times that i’d think, “I probably shouldn’t have said it like that.” But that was that and i’d subsequently think, “oh well” too.

With clearer eye sight, it’s easy to see things differently now. i now don’t see my behavior then as acceptable at all. Honestly, i was out of line. Even “IF” we were equal, and i had the right to speak my mind, the way it was done was not at all respectful or kind. i know that now. In fact, i am now rather embarrassed at how i acted then.

But through these new lenses, this negative way of speaking to or about your spouse seems to be what i see as the norm for a lot of people. So in some ways, i guess you could say i only did what others do. But that doesn’t make it right!

Here’s an example…. My coworkers say things like, “yeah, my husband was a dumb ass this weekend…” and proceed to tell us what so-called stupid thing their husband did. And of course, her words already set the stage to imply she wouldn’t’ have done it that way and her way was more superior. Raising herself up and ultimately putting him down too.

Or another coworkers said this week, “I have to leave early to take my daughter to the doctor. My husband screwed it up last time. So I’m going to do it myself today.” Obviously saying she could get it done “right” compared to him not being able to. And further, he’s not even capable (or worth her time) to try to educate him on what this “right” way is also!

But … it’s been a “process” to change. And one i have had to truly commit to and work at. i’ve had to be very intentional to hold my tongue, reword things in a positive/ better way, determine what really should be said (or not), and how to defer to him. Always.

And honestly, David has held me to it too. He raises his eyebrows or says, “you sure you wnat to continue speaking to me this way?” It tells me that he never really liked the way i treated or talked to him before, but he rather just tolerated it.

But now he has authority to do something about it too! Before if there was something he didn’t like, there wasn’t much that could be done. And now an “attitude adjustment” ensues if i were to continue on the negative talk path.

i’m glad i made the transition. i’m glad i show, act, and display more respect to my husband directly, but also to my coworkers and friends. i no longer engage in office banter about how “stupid” my husband was, but rather i speak the opposite. “We had an amazing weekend where i got to enjoy spending time with my husband. He makes me happy.”

And it’s true. i do believe it with my whole heart – he does make me happy! And yet, curbing my tongue was a process and definitely not an easy one!

And because of a second glitch, the next post… if you wanted to read the, in order of how i had originally posted it, please click here on my blue words. Otherwise, you will read them in order of how the site posted them and that’s ok too.

Hugs,
Marie

141 – what was i thinking?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 141 – what was i thinking?

A couple of posts back, i was struggling with creativity/ideas of what to write about and needed inspiration. You have come through in a big way! i have received some emails lately with some interesting questions that as i ponder the answers, i decided would make great blog content (for several posts coming up too!). So here goes…..

What was i thinking….and what went through my mind as i was asking for D/s?

The first thing to know is that, at THE moment i asked David for this lifestyle, there was very little going through my head except, “say it out loud – just do it!” Because i had already done my homework, had the security and assurance that this is indeed what i wanted, and i only needed the confidence to say it out loud.

But before i got to that part, there was a TON of stuff going through my head. The first things that went through my head was a series of unending questions that included:

1) What is wrong with me? 2) WHY do i want this? 3) Why would i have to be disciplined like a child of some sort?! 4) Who would want to give up control (like a child) of things that (as an adult) i am realistically entitled to? 5) And by “discipline,” does that translate to and simply amount to asking to be physically abused?

So W-H-Y was this even something to consider, let alone ask for?!

All these questions kept cycling though my mind and i was struggling! Yes, i truly considered the thought that i was already, or in the process of becoming, crazy!

And then my next set of questions that ran through my head was more related to David: 1) if i think i am crazy, won’t he also think the same? 2) How will he react? 3) Will he want to discipline me? 4) Will he like disciplining me?…… And if he does, does that mean he will ultimately feel empowered to perhaps abuse me?

So honestly, i had more questions than answers and wasn’t even sure how to process all this in my head at first. And the one person, David, who i wanted to talk to the most …… i felt like i couldn’t. And that made me sad.

As a result, it took a lot of time for me to even bring it up to him. Like probably close to a year! i wish now that i had found courage sooner and had just talked to him from the start. We could’ve worked through these things together. Instead, i found my own answers and sorted through it on my own, which was good AND bad!

It was good because by the time i was able to talk to him about it, i was completely committed and knew this is absolutely what we both needed. We just had to do it! It was bad though because at the time i said it out loud, he was right back where i had started…. with uncertainty, and lots of questions. i had to give him time to process it, work through it all, and give him the space he needed to figure it all out. i was disappointed to say the least! But this is a process.

Thankfully while he was in shock and surprised, he was still willing to consider it and to find out more. So it took us a total of about 1 1/2-2 years before we actually did anything. Which was sad for having wasted so much time before coming together on this, because we are more happy now with it than we probably ever were without it.

If you are thinking of trying to talk to your spouse about this from either the Dom or sub side, the best piece of advice i can give you: TALK! SOONER than later!

Open your mouth and speak from your heart and be genuine. Just start with something like, “I don’t have all the answers, in fact I probably have more questions than anything, but can we consider this together?”

And so on my own though, before i could ask for this…. i needed answers.

i started with the internet. This is such an easy and free resource, it made sense to start here.

When i found that it was Biblical to submit, i already felt a lot better. This was encouragement that i was (maybe!) not crazy. Then i started thinking about “submission” in a general sense. And finally realizing that this would force us to communicate more, that it would likely bring us together more, and i was wanting to be more dependent upon my husband. And all these things propelled me to move forward…. and to ask David about it.

Let me break down those thoughts for a second too…..

Online. i found some amazing blogs online. Many of them gave me a lot of encouragement but not one of them was exactly what i thought we needed. And that was ok, in fact it was good! It caused me to seek what was right for us, take a little of this and a little of that, to form what could work for us.

And of course, i found a lot about submission from a biblical sense. “Christian Domestic Discipline” has taken a beating on the internet. And most of the criticisms seem to stem from the idea that it is just abuse cloaked in Christianity. i don’t believe this at all. i think Domestic Discipline is a way to keep things in line with how we want them to be, and submission is Christian based.

Submission in general. Okay, so if this is Christian based, shouldn’t we all be submissive?? But if we are ALL submissive, then who’s left to be dominant? But the Bible doesn’t say ALL people are to be submissive, but instead just the wives. Whereas the husband should lead and love her unconditionally.

And then i started seeing submission everywhere.

When you go to work and your boss is mad at you, let’s say for something you didn’t even do. But he/she is SO mad they are going off on you. How do you react? Most of us would probably stand there and take it, at least mostly. Sometimes the annoyance or anger we feel might boil over and come out, but even when it does, we typically try to contain the anger and chose our words wisely. Isn’t that submission? You submitted to their authority! And you even did it with respect towards them.

Okay…. so if this D/s thing is online, working for others, biblical and submission is what i am to do, and i do it already in other parts of my life…… why wouldn’t i do it in my marriage also?

Now my thinking had come full circle! i was suddenly looking for reasons NOT to submit.

So IS DD just domestic spousal abuse? Clearly, i think it is not! Or i wouldn’t be doing it! And i suppose this could be apart of my next post – which came from the next question i’ve been asked……

Why would i want to be dependent on my husband and how does he take on this responsibility without effectively having to become my parent?

And i will leave it right there and that will be my next blog posting!

Hugs,

Marie

139 – Ass Access

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 139 – Ass Access

*** i wrote this on Sunday, now 5-days ago, and i wasn’t sure if i liked it or not. i’m still unsure if i like it, but i am having “writer’s block” and decided to post this anyway. Hopefully tomorrow i’ll have inspiration to write something else too.

**** so if you have some inspiration, things you want to inspire me about, things you want to know and could give me good stuff to write about … email or post a comment. i’ll gladly accept all your ideas l. 🙂

As a submissive, it is a bit confusing to me why some deny their ass to their dominant. i think you should submit FULLY.

i understand it is a hard limit and a BIG-ASS-NO! (Yes, pun intended!) for many people. But i don’t understand why.

Allowing my husband access to my body anytime and anywhere …. and any part of it…. seems to me as just part of the job title. Aside from health/medical reasons, i don’t see any reason why a submissive should deny their dominant that pleasure.

i simply don’t want to be sending a message that says, “you are in charge here and here… but NOT here.” i agreed to be his submissive in Full. All the time. So why would one particular hole be off limits?

i think many women are against it for a couple of reasons…..

1) Fear….of pain. Yes, it does take a bit of going slow in the beginning to get a big cock in that hole. The sphincter muscle is tight and doesn’t want to stretch. With lube and going slowly though, you can press past it, where it relaxes enough to allow his cock inside. And once it’s inside, then a few times moving slowly in and out, and the pain all evaporates and is replaced with pure pleasure!

2) Humility. The best position to have anal sex, in my opinion, is with her on all fours like a dog. And he enters her from behind, mounting her, like a dog. Hence “doggie style.” So getting on the bed, on your knees, opening your legs, and letting someone go there can be humiliating. But it can also be humbling, as well as humiliating. i happen think “humble” is what every submissive should be though anyway. And with having to bend over every week for spankings, this isn’t a new position for me, so i just don’t have this particular problem. And every good submissive should draw on their humility side to summon the courage to assume this position.

3) Filth. Ok, so the ass does have a lot of unclean messy poo that can be a turn off. And it does take an “adult mentality” to deal with this side of things. i have learned that giving myself an enema a few hours before we have anal sex, it cleans everything out pretty good overall. Yes, this is also a bit gross. And again, an adult mentality about it has to be assumed. Enemas aren’t painful, very effective, and not hard to administer. It takes about 2-3 minutes to put it in, and takes another 2-3 minutes to get it all out (it just comes out!). And of course, if you aren’t willing or able to plan an enema well, anal hole sex or play can get messy and possibly a lot of clean up required afterward too. Yes, i am absolutely talking about “gross stuff.” But my point is, this shouldn’t be THE reason to withhold your ass from your dominant as this is really very manageable too!

4) Inexperience. Causes nervousness. Causes us to say no. But don’t be afraid to try new things. Ever. You can miss out on some amazing things just for fear of saying “yes.” And plugs can be a great way to train for it. Plugs come in different sizes and shapes and styles and prices. Try wearing one for a bit (even 5-minutes!) to get used to the feeling of having your ass filled.

And speaking of plugs…. this entire post has been inspired by the fact i have one in my ass right now. Earlier today Sir said, “I want to fill your ass.”

Again, as a submissive, i allow David access to ALL my holes whenever he wants. So even though it was 2:00 pm on a Sunday and our son was upstairs, i said, “Yes Sir. Of course Sir.”

And i went to the bedroom and undressed.

i started to climb on the bed and get on all fours, like a dog and preparing myself (mentally) to have him between my legs. That’s when he said, “go get out the black plug and lube it up.”

So i did. And i handed it to him.

And that’s when i climbed on the bed on all fours. He didn’t have to tell me to do this as it was understood.

i put my head down and my ass up. Sir said, “hold your cheeks open.” This causes me to basically lay on my shoulders and face in the bed. So yes, this is humiliating. But i chose to say “humble” instead. i know that i am making Sir happy by submitting and bending to his will.

That’s when i felt the tip of the plug at my anal hole opening. Sir started to push it in. Because it has been awhile since we’ve done anything anal, i knew this was going to hurt to push past the sphincter muscle. But i’ve been here before so i know what to expect. The best way to allow the plug entry is to push down from the inside, to use the muscles that you’d use to have a bowel movement, causes the muscle to open up. So i did that.

David went reasonably slow, by pushing in a bit and pulling it out, and repeating the process with it going in just a bit further each time.

The last push was absolutely one that took my breath away and i cringed. But it was in! It was fully seated in my ass.

He stood me up, kissed me, and said, “don’t forget… what I put in, only I take out! And I will let you know when it is to come out.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.”

It was then that i asked him, “is it the act of putting it in or knowing my ass is filled that makes you feel good?”

He responded, “Both!”

i also asked him, “and how does this exactly make you feel?”

He said, “Powerful.” And he leaned in and kissed me again.

i won’t deny… when the plug comes out, i’m hoping something “else” goes in! (Wink wink!) Time will tell.

It makes me happy to be submissive… fully… my ass included. And i wonder if i am alone or if you also allow your dominant access to ALL your holes also?!?

Hugs,

Marie