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166 – Giving

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 166 – Giving

i follow many other bloggers and read their posts (just about) daily. One such blogger is SubMissy. She has an amazing site and she writes so very well, which is very inspiring. She also does blog post prompts to which i am going to now participate in….

CURRENT PROMPT IS……

This month is all about giving. All good relationships are based on give and take, so how does giving work in your dynamic? Or why not focus on what you have done this season to make giving a priority? How does giving work with your headspace and where does giving and receiving fit for you?

So here’s my post about GIVING.

We have all heard ……IT IS BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE …. and i wholeheartedly disagree.

Yep, i am writing about GIVING and yet, i disagree with one of the most well-known phrases about it. The reason why i disagree is, in my opinion, really rather basic.

IF WE ALL BUSY GIVING, THEN WHO IS RECEIVING? In order to allow someone to give, someone else has to (graciously and kindly) receive it.

i would prefer the phrase to instead to be something like, “GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECTLY DONE WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE.”

All to often, when we give to people, you hear the other one saying things back to you that sound like:

1) “oh thank you, but I can’t possibly accept this.” or

2) “You shouldn’t have” or

3) “But I didn’t get you anything” or

4) “I feel like your charity case”

i could go on, but i think these are prime examples of things that i have heard and probably even said at some point in my lifetime.

The trouble with all these is that if i want to give you something…. i needyou to accept it. With grace and thankfulness, not some awkward and strange reluctance or even flat out refusal (#1 above).

i love to give. But it takes an open and accepting and gracious person to receive those gifts in return to have us both feel good about it.

i give to people out of love. i often think, “i have more than i need, and their need is greater than mine at this time, so i want to give this to them.”

And frequently i have heard, “I’m not a charity case.” (#4 above) said back to me. It becomes awkward then. i typically say something like, “i didn’t mean to insult you” or “it’s just my way of helping.” And once i even said, “it’s better to give than to receive.” She said, “oh so now you are giving to me so you can feel better about yourself?” Uhmmmmmm. No.

Now neither the giver nor the receiver is feeling good about it, and honestly, quite the opposite has occurred! The negativity has now overtaken the entire situation. What started as something good, has turned sour in a hurry. All because there was a receiving heart to accept the gift that was freely given.

In my marriage though, we have a healthy give-receive relationship. i think most people think that a D/s relationship is all about the submissive giving of herself physically, mentally, financially, and the Dominant would be receiving of it all. While that’s substantially true, it works in reverse too. Sometimes i think most people wouldn’t really think about our Dominant as the giver also, but they are. And for him to give to me, i have to receive it with grace and thanks in order to complete the circle.

So i kind of want to turn this prompt inside out and talk about how my Sir gives to me and my responses to him. At least that’s where i start, but i end up with me giving too! You’ll see. 😉

PHYSICAL GIVING

My husband cooks and i clean. i NEVER COOK. And we are both quite happy with this arrangement. Neither of us really ever expects the other to do what we aren’t good at and we are grateful for the skills and gifts we have to offer the other.

But cooking isn’t the only gift he regularly gives me. Yes, he gives me spankings. Regularly. If you read my blog, it is chopped full of stories of punishment spankings and maintenance spankings in order to maintain our dynamic. Domestic Discipline (DD) is alive and well in our relationship. By intention design.

In other posts, i have also said numerous times, “i do not like to be spanked.” And it is true. But i accept it, in part because i see it as a gift from David.

He has taken his time and physical energy, to spank me. It is (one of) his gifts of love to me, along with his amazing chef-like skills too. He does it (a spanking) with love in his heart and the ultimate goal of guiding me in the way we want our marriage to go. To keep us on track and to keep doing good.

He cares about our marriage and me enough to give me spankings.

But how can he give me spankings if i don’t accept it with grace and thankfulness? It wouldn’t work at all. Can you imagine me saying, “oh you really shouldn’t have. I can’t accept this.” Or better, “But I didn’t get you one.” ??

Giving simply doesn’t work without someone else receiving. And preferably receiving with a grateful and thankful heart. So i receive with a thankful heart.

When we are done with the spanking, every time he stands me upright and hugs and kisses on me. And he tells me how much he loves me. He gives me hugs and kisses at the end of giving me a spanking.

He has never made me thank him, but i typically do. i want him to know that while this was a physical gift that i may not have wanted, i know he does it because he does indeed love me. And i agreed long ago to accept it openly and lovingly. So i thank him in order to give him reassurance that this gift he’s given is accepted with a loving heart in return.

*** Did you see what i just did there? i said, “i thank him in order to GIVE Him reassurance” about his gift to me. So in the mere act of receiving, the giving has now been turned back inside-right by me giving him something too.

He doesn’t seek my thanks, but he receives it with grace and pride too. It creates in him a feeling of pride and appreciation when i give him reassurances of my willingness to accept the gift he’s given me.

So ultimately a grateful receiving heart ends up turning into a gracious giving heart, creating a full and complete and perfect circle of giving!

Okay, yes, he also gives me physical/tangible/ real gifts. And i do my very best to thank him for all of them, as he does in reverse. And of course, this works in the perfect circle too.

One of the gifts i gave him for Christmas was a set of canes. We have never owned any canes so this will be a new experience for us both. We have talked about it, but neither of us has gifted the other with a cane, until now.

He finds these gifts oddly strange of me to give. He asks me, “Why would you give me a gift of something that will bring about the very thing (a spanking) that you tell me you don’t want to have?”

My answer is simple, “Because you love me enough to guide me and i accept these spankings as a reminder of who we are together. We grow together in our DD relationship with reinforcement of what we know works.”

And it’s true.

That’s when he gave me a devilish looking grin and said, “I can’t wait for Friday’s Maintenance now!”

MENTAL GIVING

While he is physically giving me a spanking, i am mentally giving him my submissive heart, mind, and soul.

A spanking with a paddle stings. It is maybe best described like a bee sting or a needle prick. It hurts, but on,y for a split second and it leaves behind a heat that is felt for awhile thereafter. And that’s just one swat, which a spanking never is. As the swats continue, the sting builds as well as the heat it generates to.

From the very start, i have to tell myself to relax and accept this gift he is giving. i mentally pray before we start as i wait for him to come into the room and that prayer typically shows something like, “Lord help me to accept this spanking with grace and understanding that it ultimately comes from his guidance of me, through your guidance of him. Please Lord give him the confidence and strength to lead our family and me especially in the ways you want us to go.”

At some point during a spanking endorphins release and i actually do start to accept with a thankful heart each swat he delivers. It starts to feel good. My mind relaxes and it brings me into the best receiving heart and mind possible. My thoughts move from, “But i didn’t get you anything” to “Please never stopgivingme your all!”

GIVING AND RECEIVING IS PERFECT ONLY WHEN IT IS A PERFECTLY COMPLETE CIRCLE

So maybe you can see that while maybe the giving part is the start of the circle, it also requires a receiving part. And by receding the gift, you are simultaneously giving your thanks. And that original giving person is also receiving your praise and graciousness. The circle is complete.

No one is ever JUST giving or receiving. It has to be a complete and perfect circle for it all to work. You have to give AND receive… always.

If you are guilty of saying these things that I mentioned above…. STOP. Instead, say something like:

1) “oh wow, I’m so grateful for your kindness.” or

2) “This is so amazing.” or just a simple…

3) “THANK YOU!” Is always perfect too.

And genuinely mean it, from a truly receiving heart!

(Oh and final thoughts on this day…… as we say goodbye to 2020, this year was a gift….. yes, this year has been incredibly hard but it is a gift to be alive, to have friends to miss, to be thankful for the times we can and eventually will be back together, and an opportunity to have a receiving heart for better times ahead with enormous thankfulness!)

Hugs,

Marie

159 – TMI Tuesday – Polyamory

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TMI Tuesday does a weekly blog post prompt. i haven’t ever participated, but i read many other posts of people who do. i have no particular reason why i haven’t participated, but until now, i haven’t. So today is the day… on this SATURDAY, i will participate in the prompt for the week….

What is considered moral or immoral, accepted or prohibited is generally defined by the norms, values, and beliefs of society.

1. Agree or Disagree. If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

Agree – i mean, why can’t we? Why is it NOT allowed? What harm is there in allowing people to sleep with (or be in a relationship with) whomever they want…. when it is consensual and openly discussed and openly and fully agreed to?!?

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?

Yes. My definition of “ethical non-monogamy” means that we have done it in a positive and open way. We haven’t been cheating or deceiving one another one bit. We all agree to be in a sexual relationship with more than one person, and we are all OK with it.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Most days, yes. Some days, no. Most days, it is very well, good, and lovely. Some days, it just feels like “too much” mentally and physically…. but then, that’s pretty much true in life. Right? Some days it’s just too much!

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal/cultural norm?

i wouldn’t say it is “my” ethical non-monogamy, but aside from that and in keeping with the spirit of the question’s intent, Yes.

Again, why can’t we? What is the harm? Oh, i know there can be harm.. mentally. But it doesn’t have to be. And the key is the openness, communication, and agreement by ALL.

i think the “ethical” part comes in when we are open and completely communicate about it. Interesting enough, most Americans believe cheating is grounds for divorce, yet, swinging and open relationships is fun and exciting. So it just shows that COMMUNICATION is key. And when all are on board, it can be FUN and positive…. which ultimately leads to ethical non-monogamy.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?

We are swingers, which by the definition for most, would qualify as non-monogamists. So, yes, i suppose it would qualify me to answer this question.

We treat swinging like a hobby. Something new, different, keeps things from being stale, gives us more to talk about, and a reason to get together with new and exciting people.

We meet and get to know a lot of people through this lifestyle. And because it is NOT a social norm, although becoming more widely accepted too, it comes with a built-in trust. You can trust swingers to keep your secret. You both have given the other a lot of useful gossip and/or damaging information about one another that if exposed, could cause damage to your reputation. And in some areas, cause job losses or financial disaster. So from the minute you meet a swinger, you already have a built-in trust!

So the best bits are …. fun, excitement, non-stale relationships, and trust.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and/or sexual relationship would look like today.

If it were entirely up to me and in my full purview (which it’s not!) to make the ideal intimate relationship happen, i would love to meet a couple (swingers), who we are ultimately committed to and us to them in a 4-way relationship. Some might say “married to.” Or maybe a better analogy would be “in a committed long-term, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.” We likely would still live in two homes, but not necessarily. Maybe we would move in together at some point, but maybe not.

We would be 4-way monogamous, meaning any of the 4 of us can have sex with any of the 4 of us but, upon agreeing to be committed to one another, we would only be sexual with the 4 of us. We wouldn’t invite others into our relationship to stay. Ultimately creating a situation where we would (essentially) be married to one another in a 4-way polygamous relationship.

Any of us can have sex with any of us at any (mutually-agreeable) time and without pre-approval from the legal spouse. We would also likely not “just” have 1-on-1 sex, but rather regularly have 3 or 4-somes, in any combination agreeable, also.

We may also agree to swing outside the 4-way marriage, but we likely would not. But that swinging would be for the express purpose of just sex and/or a “hobby” sport, not for seeking long-term relationships, since we have one another already.

What would be appealing to me here is not just the sex, but the commitment. The built-in friendships that grow and blossom. The dinner dates, the shopping buddy, the vacations together, the person who sends a text to say “hi, I’m thinking about you today!” All those things bring a smile to your face and joy in your heart.

And to the question above about “do i want a poly relationship” i responded with “most days.” Well, in my ideal relationship here, that answer would work and still applies. If i don’t want to go to the 4-way family dinner tonight, i don’t have to. If i am not feeling sexual tonight, i don’t have to do that either. But if the other 3 are… they can go to dinner and then have sex as much as they want. And then the next day, when i do feel in the mood for those things, maybe one (or two) also don’t feel like doing those things and the exact combination of who within our 4- would participate could be different yet. And of course, the days where we all want to do things together, we absolutely would! This would keep it very alive and well-good for all of us!

Let’s face it though, i am not in charge in my own traditional (with swinging as just a date) marriage, let alone having the sole ability to craft this 4-way relationship that i have just described above. It may one day naturally just fall into place, but somehow… i sincerely doubt it. And that’s ok! But if it did…. i would be SO happy and well…. oohhh laaa laaaaaa!

Anyone want to apply for the position? 🙂

Hugs,

Marie

158 – Wednesday Maintenance

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Unlike the picture… i do not WANT daily maintenance but if it were to be installed, even temporarily, i am sure it would have a big (positive!) impact.

Thankfully though, we don’t typically do maintenance on “random” days. But we did this week… on Wednesday. i am usually spanked, for maintenance, on Friday. Today is Friday. i am unsure if i will be spanked again today for a second maintenance in one week or not. But i am ok if it happens.

As i have written before, maintenance doesn’t “hurt” per se. It stings super bad, and it turns my ass red. i suppose it does hurt my bottom, but it doesn’t hurt my mind. It actually helps my mind. It helps to reinforce the good. It is a reminder of how to slow down, stay in control of myself, be good, and how to submit.

But as i mentioned before, i am now telling David what i think about how to dominate me, at the time i think it. So in some ways, the Wednesday maintenance was of my own doing.

As i was showering this morning, i felt a bit “squirrelly.” i was already thinking about my crazy day ahead, things to do, remember, etc, …and worked myself up into a tizzy in a hurry.

That’s when the “creative self-dominant” side of me said, “if i was your dominant i would make you Assume the Position to be spanked. You need to calm down, be slowed down, and realize you don’t have to work yourself into this craziness all before the 8 o’clock hour!”

So i told David all these same things. And he said, “I agree and think you do need to slow down. Go Assume the Position for a maintenance session and I will be in when I am in.”

i waited in the bedroom for almost 10-full minutes before David came in. He doesn’t typically make me wait more than 1-3 minutes, but Wednesday was longer. He asked me, “Were you wondering when I would come in?”

And of course i had been, so i said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “I wanted you to have time to sit still, do nothing, and focus on regaining self-composure and self-control.”

And with that, he proceeded by picking up the paddle (from the small of my back) and began to spank me on each butt cheek, alternating with each swat.

He told me, “You need to think about staying in position and not moving all over the place, like you typically do.” Usually i stay in position for about 5-10’ish swats, they life my upper body up to my elbows, then up to a standing position, then start dancing around. The whole time having to force myself back into position between swats. The more intense each swat is, the more i do this. He hates it! And i can see why. When i move around, he doesn’t have the control of when and where to hit the way he does when i am still.

He said, “your sole goal will be to stay in position…..still!”

And i received a very sound spanking. It was still a maintenance session and didn’t hurt me mentally, but my ass was a cherry red when he was done. It was very difficult to be still.

But i did it!!!!!

i have NEVER succeeded with this before. i have asked him many times if i could lay on the bed instead of standing bent over it, or if he could tie me into place. He has said no to both because he wants me to engage my mind and stay in the position he wants, not what i want. But when that swat lands…. it is both a sting and a shock. Oh yes, i know it is coming, but exactly when or exactly how hard. (Intensity level) is still a shock. So i end up moving all around.

But NOT TODAY! i stayed perfectly still!

At the end, David stood me up and kissed me deeply. He said, “you were such a good girl! I am so impressed and you made me very happy!”

“So lay down on the bed on your back and open your legs. I will give you a reward.”

i did as told. But man, laying on my reddened ass did not feel pleasurable! ……..but that was more than offset when his head went down between my legs and his tongue collided with my clit. It felt amazing!

He made me orgasm in just a few short minutes and i couldn’t have been happier! Some would call this a “forced orgasm,” but not me…. i gave it up willingly! Lol.

He then stood me up for the second time and kissed me deeply again. And when he pulled away he asked me, “and how does your cum taste since I just kissed you with it all over my face and tongue?”

And i said, “It felt amazing. It tasted good.”

(He has never made me taste myself, but the way he did that on Wednesday and the look on his face… it may become a more frequent thing…. who knows!)

And then we started our day from there! It is 6:20 am now… on Friday…. i am about to start my day today now too. Will report later if i have a second maintenance for the week. But if it goes like the Wednesday one, i will gladly give up another orgasm in a hurry! 😉)

Happy Friday!

Hugs,

Marie

156 – The Big NO-NO!

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In DD or D/s relationships, there aren’t many “official” rules…. it’s what you make it. But just like a traditional relationship, there are a few unwritten rules that are generally followed by most people in the practice too.

And if or when you break a Cardinal Rule, and you blog about it, you should fully expect to be called out on it too. (Ok, so maybe the blogging and being called out part is just applicable to me….. and i am A-ok with that!)

What is this big No-No i am speaking specifically about?

TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM. Or said more plainly, telling your Dominant how to be Dominant. Or even just telling your Dom what to do at all.

Submissives are expected to…. well….. submit. We are NOT in charge. So telling my Sir how or when or what to do is…. a BIG NO-NO!

That is THE Cardinal Rule that David & i talked about yesterday. But we decided to change the rules. We have agreed to intentionally break this rule.

i have permission to TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. For awhile. Temporarily. And just exactly how long? i don’t really know. At this point, i am assuming it will be, “Until told otherwise.”

So we have changed our DD or D/s relationship dynamic to refresh, renew, and update it. For awhile anyway.

There are so many questions running through my head, and maybe yours too… like: why, how will that work, are you still the submissive or are you switching, what is the goal, and and and……. ok, slow down. Let’s take these one at a time……

W-H-Y?

Primarily because we have been in a funk. Our DD just hasn’t been working as intended. It needs a tune-up. Just like anything in life, it works …. until it doesn’t. Take your car for example. It runs well when you keep it well oiled, lubed, maintained. (So talking about oiled and lubed gets me all wet down there.. but i digress!). But the minute you don’t do those things, it falls apart and requires a major overhaul.

That’s about where we’ve been, in need of a major overhaul. And this is our immediate solution.

Additionally, David has known for a very long time that my mind is more creative than his. He is a very straightforward and “what you see is what you get” kinda person. NO, he is NOT dumb or a robot or anything that bad …. he does have a brain and he knows how to use it. But he is a very firm and solid Type A person. Whereas i am a mostly Type A, but also have some Type B creativity also.

So because of my creative mind, over the couple of years of doing DD, i have made many suggestions of things we should do or could implement into our dynamic. (i was the one to ask for this dynamic and to be spanked from the start.). And as such, some have told me, that i TOP FROM THE BOTTOM… and frankly, to an extent, i would agree. But now, i have permission to do it intentionally too!

H-O-W WILL THAT WORK?

So i talked to David about this. i told him i struggle with this. That i struggle in my ability to not tell him how to do his job. And sometimes i feel like i fail (to keep my mouth shut) and/or he fails (to Dominate me effectively)…. which then makes me feel like i fail all over again (to submit to his leadership.. even if i think it’s not quite 100%). Ultimately… it mostly leads to me feeling a lot of failure. And i don’t like that feeling.

i have SO many thoughts in my head about how he can be a better Dom, enforce our Dynamic more, and it would keep us from sliding so far away from how we want to be. And if he did these things, i would submit even more and even better… and we would not have failure or backsliding or fights. Or at least not as much.

i literally said, “But i know i am the submissive and telling my Dom what to do is…. A BIG NO-NO.”

He said, “well, I can see why you feel this way, but remember that ultimately I make the rules and I am now telling you that I want to know more of what is in your head … at least for awhile. I want you to tell me, out loud (not in text), at the moment it applies, how you think I should respond to a situation. I may not do exactly what you say or want me too, because I am ultimately in charge.”

He continued, “But never forget that I am ultimately still your Dom and you will always be my submissive. You are not dominating me, and as such you don’t ever get to discipline me. I am still in control. You can tell me what’s in your head about how you think I should treat or say or discipline you. And I want you to tell me what you think at the time you think it… uncensored. I may just implement your words or thoughts, but I may not. You need to respect that.”

Me: Yes Sir.

W-H-O is the DOM now??

He went on a bit further to say, “I expect your thoughts mostly call for me to be stricter with you. So you should prepare yourself for that inevitable end. I fully expect I will likely implement your ideas at that very moment. And you may not like it.”

Me: “It sounds like i will be switching from submissive to dominant… on myself. I will be co-dominating me with you for a bit.”

(Does this make me the little i or now the Big I? Nah… i will always be the little i…. i know i am a submissive at heart. Just helping my Dom know my limits, know how strict is too strict, how strict isn’t enough? But i won’t be the Big I at all.)

Him: “in a sense that is exactly what will happen. But remember that in the end, I am still your ultimate dominant and your ideas – or switching from sub to Dom – is just that…. an idea. Unless I decide it is something to implement now.”

He then said, “but it will help me to better know what you think would be a good solution to a problem or what your limits truly are.“

W-H-A-T is the ultimate goal?

In essence, we will have a lot better communication. If i am more or less required to tell him how i think, at the time i think it, we will have a lot more communication. David will have a much better understanding of what i think is a successful Dom, and what i will respond to best.

If David knows what i respond to best, he will be a better Dom and i would also be a better submissive.

i am a bit worried though…. will i be creating and molding him into what I want or what he wants? Will my switching lead to me being an island of one? Will I just have a split personality and start submitting to myself? Will he become that robot that i push the buttons and he does as i say?

i don’t think so.

i think we will be better than ever… and always together. But time will tell.

Now i am off to find some sexy Non-blanket-Winter covering to wear to bed! (i have Dom ideas of what he should say to me about this too…. next post!)

Hugs,

Marie

155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

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In the last post that i wrote about Winter being Hard, i more or less told you how i don’t deal well with the cold… mentally and how it is soooo hard for me to not just live under a blanket! (Good thing i live in Texas and not North Dakota! Or Canada! Or Russia!)

At the same time, i woke up (yesterday) to find another glitch of this site had caused my original post about Intentional Dependence was back in draft and not actually posted. Well, in order to post it again (and see if it was complete or not), i re-read much of that post prior to re-posting it.

It was interesting to reflect on that post about dependence because i had talked about being dependent upon David to make decisions and lead our family….. compared to as of late, we are in a funk and not quite our normal selves. And i realized how far i have slipped away from being “intentionally dependent” upon him to lead us.

And yes, when i talk about our “normal” selves, i am referring to our Domestic Discipline (DD) way of doing things. i am well aware that most people, including many of you reading my blog, do not do DD or have it as part of your normal life. But we do. And when it is used correctly, it works very well for us.

DD includes me being spanked. For both discipline and maintenance. The maintenance is preemptive, while the discipline is responsive. Both ultimately serve to reinforce and remind me that i am not in control. And my role in our marriage is NOT to be in control, but instead to follow. To submit. i don’t like being spanked. What i do like is the control that i give up and the power i pass over, and how anyone willing to submit to being spanked is humbled and having a real display of submissiveness. THAT is what i like.

But when we drift away from our normal ways, we struggle. And we get into disagreements and sometimes flat out… fights. Yet, when we are in our normal ways and doing what we know works, we don’t fight. Because it is clear who makes decisions and who submits… always.

So when i re-read that post about being Intentionally Dependent, one that i wrote when we were on solid daily DD ground, i saw how far from our DD ways we have gotten. In a very short time too! Drifting away from our normal ways sometimes happens without us quite realizing it. Kind of like when you drift along in the warm waves of the ocean. You look up and realize you’ve moved down the beach 50 yards from where you started. You can still see your staked out spot on the beach, but you’ve moved a long way from it too. You recognize where you should be, but you also see how far from it you suddenly moved.

And just like the beach, i can see where we moved to and yet, know we have to work extra hard to move back against the waves and the natural flow of the water to get back to where we want to be. Which can be exhausting really, but failure is not an option. We have to get back to normal to get our marriage back on solid ground and not drifting any which way the wind and waves take us. (Is it a surprise that i am talking about the beach when it is Winter? If i think warm thoughts, maybe i will become warm too!)

So how exactly do we do that….. how do i have “Intentional Dependence”, how is he responsible for me, and how do we get it back?

Well first is obviously looking up to see we are off course and being committed to getting it back.

But for me, part of what makes our DD ways work is the reinforcement. Having David do his part to enforce the rules, enforce the spankings, as well as praise for doing well.

i said in that post that i am still fully responsible for myself… and i am. But there’s a certain amount of responsibility that David has assumed as Head of our Household (HoH) and like the President, there are no days off. You don’t get to say, “today I’m not going to be President and I’ll pass that off to someone else today”, so is the same in our house. David doesn’t get to NOT lead us. And even more, the President gets re-elected (or not) every 4-years, whereas we aren’t changing this ….ever. More like a King or Monarchy, i suppose, that sill reign until death! (Will Queen Elizabeth ever die? Or if she does, will it be before or after Prince Charles? One does wonder about these things…)

So while it’s true, Winter is Hard, it’s not impossible. But when we just want a break from leading… or submitting… what do we do? How do we get it back? How do we get back up the beach to the spot we know we need to be at?

The short answer is… very carefully!

But you have to be willing to try. And if you fail, you try again. And if you can’t succeed even then, you talk about it. Communication is the key to solving so many problems. But you have to be willing to try to do that also!

Soooooooooo…………..

i have been trying to since mid-Nov to turn things around with me and David. And while it’s slow (patience is needed!), i see progress in the right direction!

What has happened lately? (Yeah… i know i haven’t been here much “lately”…. i honestly HAD to focus on me and David and well…. draw back on something and blogging was “it”).

i’ve focused really hard on trying to be the best submissive wife i can possibly be! And NO, i have NOT always succeeded! And yet, even without complete success, the fights (and even disagreements), have sincerely subsided.

i intend to share some of my particularly recent successes AND failures in the next few posts. But i will give you one example here….

This morning after leaving for work, i texted David. i told him, “i should talk in person, but i just couldn’t bear to see your face when i asked, “Do you like being in control?”

His response, “W-H-Y are you asking this?”

My answer, “Because maybe we have fallen away from our DD ways because maybe you don’t really want to be in control.”

His answer, “you are over analyzing things and you need to stop.”

i said, “could you please humor me and answer my question?”

And he said, “YES I do like being in control. You will never dominate me.”

And i said, “ok, let’s talk more in person about how i feel that lately i top from the bottom.”

And we did. We talked tonight.

But i will tell you that part tomorrow…. along with answering what i left open-ended in the Winter Is Hard ending also.

Hugs,

Marie