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162 – submissive or slave?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 162 – submissive or slave?

i have always thought of myself as a submissive, but at times i’d say i exhibit signs of being more like a slave.

What’s the difference?

Well, everyone probably has their own definitions really of what a submissive is versus what a slave is. But i would say it has everything to do with the amount of control the sub/slave has. A sub has some, whereas a slave has none (or very few!).

No matter what titles we associate ourselves with, we all have the right and control to say NO. And we all should respect that when we hear NO from our partner(s) it is final! So i am not talking about consent at all. Because a slave has willingly consented to giving up the control to make all decisions on her own and yielded everything (or mostly everything) to the Master. But while a submissive has given up most control, definitely not all.

Now, i want to also clarify, i am not talking about real-life-slaves. i am not talking about like it was in the US 1800’s and Civil War times. i am talking about the kinky submissive (or slave) lifestyle. Where the slave has willingly given up control. Not that it has been taken from them, like it was for the real-life slaves that was done then.

In that same sense, some might say a submissive is indeed owned, but a (sex) slave is instead not just owned but possessed.

A submissive has safe words, while quite frequently a slave has consented to no-consent, giving up those safe words.

A submissive has the right to sit where he/she wishes, whereas a slave is typically on the floor by her Master’s side.

A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

THAT is how i define the difference between a submissive and a slave.

With those clarities in mind……. i have always thought of myself as submissive. But lately, i wonder if i have “slave-like-tendencies” too, especially when it comes to sex.

i have come to the thought that maybe i am a “submissive wife and a sex slave.” Or at least, i want to be. i want to be a submissive wife AND a slave lover to my Sir. So in general life, i am a submissive. But when it comes to sex (or anything intimate at all), i would love to call myself his slave. i say this is how i’d like it to really be, but it’s a hard balance.

When it comes to daily life, i don’t believe it is possible or even practical to be a slave. To be frank, i don’t know how that actually works for most people. Maybe the slave is a stay at home wife and can be naked, chained up, stuffed with a cock, crawling on the floor, and eating out of dog/cat bowls. But none of that is practical with a job or kids. And maybe not all of that would apply to every slave either too, but the point is made too.

So for me and my life, with a job and a kid, it seems being submissive is the best way to LIVE. i defer to David on decisions effecting me and/or our family, i ask him permission to do and/or go places, and i (try!) not to argue. And should those things fail to happen properly, i am punished, which typically comes in the form of a spanking but not necessarily just spankings.

But now the second part….. when it comes to sexual activities or alone-time, i would like to give up all control. i would love to serve him in the ways he deserves and possibly prefers. i think he tends to feel valued and appreciated more when i am pleasing him, in life AND in sex, which leads to positive synergies for both of us…. in bed AND out!

And maybe that’s where we kinda operate (best) already anyway. We already do some of these things as it is.

Like when he says get naked, i do. When he says to edge, i do. When he says do not orgasm until he says i can, i don’t.

When he says i am to be spanked, i have only once called yellow and it was intentional on Sir’s part. He wanted to test me. But even then, i wasn’t aware of his intentions and i was trying very hard not to say it.

So i guess i don’t know where the lineeeeeeee is between sub or slave. At what point do you say, “i am a sex slave to my spouse!!” ?? Or are all these just other examples of being a good submissive and not a slave at all??

Today is another example of a sexual slave-like thing that i did to please my Sir. Today…. i am at work. And i have an inflatable dildo sex toy inside me.

Sir said, “you need to bring it to me before going to work.”

So i did.

He said, “spread your legs.”

So i did.

He pushed it up inside me. Gently. Not painfully.

He said, “you’ll wear this all day today. Every hour you need to give it two strong, good pumps. I want it very pumped up by the time you get home. You should feel the stretch. The point of this will be to stretch your pussy, but i expect you’ll likely have some pain as it trains your muscles to relax.

You should NOT take it out or release the air at ALL today, without permission, with the exception of bathroom breaks. Even then though, do NOT release the air. It needs to go back in the exact same way it came out.

This will make me happy. Will you willingly comply?”

i said, “yes of course Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And i was dripping wet! Knowing he is happy makes me soooo happy and soooo wet too!

Why is he stretching my pussy? Well, he has always said my puss is way too tight. When i orgasm, and he is inside me, i tend to squeeze tight and ultimately push him out. It isn’t at all intentional!

So he says we need to stretch it out to not have that happen and to allow his “cock to have a warm, inviting place to stay….” and i agree wholeheartedly! Even if it will hurt and be sore by the end of the day, it is well with my soul!

My puss belongs to him all the time, but especially today!

Does my willingness to stretch it out and feel some pain, with a smile on my face and knowing how happy we both are with this, move my sex-temperature from being just a submissive to being a sex slave? i just don’t know……

But i think i have no/few limits as to our sex-life, and rarely use my safe words. In fact, i try very hard to NOT use them and instead, to accept his will as my own. i trust he will know my limits and/or ask if he is unsure, to which i will always answer truthfully.

While he has never ordered me naked and on the floor by his side, if he did, i would do it. Willingly. Happily. And without a single complaint. Most days anyway, and of course, not when our son is around or when i need to go to work. So there are limits within the no-limits-for-sex zone, which probably puts me back to my first thought that i am just a submissive because sex-slave isn’t really practical.

So again, do these sexual tendencies make me a slave for sex? or maybe a part-time slave and a full-time submissive or maybe just a submissive who likes a strong Dominant in the bedroom or ……

Yes, i am indeed getting caught up in terms and labels. But i am just speculating and thinking out loud about these things too.

i will likely explore this topic further in future posts too. What do you think? Where is “the” line? Is it possible to be a submissive for wife duties and a slave for sex activities?

Or maybe i’ll tell you more about my day with the dildo. Which would you prefer to hear more about? 😉

Hugs,

Marie

161 – Clothing optional

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 161 – Clothing optional

As i said before, i am having a hard time being naked now that it is winter. For two reasons:

1) it’s cold. Are you shivering as you walk around the house!? Or do you sit under many blankets on the couch… making it where you may well not officially have clothing on, but you are still covered up? (Making the naked part a moot point?!)

i am too cold… and practical…. so i want my clothes on.

2) i guess i don’t “enjoy” being naked. What i do enjoy is him noticing, seeing, touching freely, and being happy. Some might call that being an Exhibitionist, including ME. Exploring labels for myself was a short-lived series of posts, but maybe i should revisit that list to see if longer posts are in order… including Exhibitionism because i DO like being on display!

But if those things – Sir noticing, touching, commenting about my nakedness – don’t happen, well….. what’s the point? ……… And then i tell you to see #1 above. Circular referencing… leads to putting clothes on in Winter especially.

But…. you all gave me some ideas in that last post about clothing and i felt inspired. i decided to try something. i don’t have to be wearing full on Winter Wooly (not-sexy) PJ’s just to stay warm.

The first thing i have done is many (many!) searches for “crotchless PJ bottoms” and “PJ bottoms with snaps in the crotch” and “easy access PJ’s”.

i haven’t really found anything that would give David access and me warmth/comfort. What i have found is a lot of lingerie, onesies for smalls to wear diapers underneath, or just regular ole’ PJ’s. Come to think of it, this might be a great product/ business idea…. creating sexy PJ’s that allow for easy access, but warm – when privates are not in use – too! If you have some, or find some on the internet, comment with a link! i want to buy them! or maybe i need to sew some!

Failing that search….. last night i asked to take a bath and David said yes.

FYI: It is a rule that i have to ask to do things i find pleasurable. And i must always ask to get in the tub because i am naked, alone, tits and puss right there to see, fondle, arouse… and well… you get it. This could also be a topic for another post so i will stop here on this and get back to it.

After David granted permission for me to soak in the tub, i decided to make it extra warm. Not scolding, but warm enough that upon exiting i would feel my blood pumping and essentially be “overheated.” To make it where i needed to cool off, rather than add on winter-thick PJ’s.

So this is what i did. And when i got out, i decided to sleep nude. i thought this was a win-win. Not cold, AND able to be on display for his viewing pleasure.

As i walked to my side of the bed, on the wall side, i passed David, on the bathroom side. He had just gotten in bed to read himself and he noticed me walking naked. (As i said … win-win!)

He said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

i said, “No, not unless you’d like me to be covered up Sir.”

He said, “Won’t you be cold?” (Even he knows how cold i get).

i told him what i had done, and he smiled. That’s when he reached over and played with my (still pierced) nipple. He likes pulling them outward, and especially now when the nipple is semi-erect all the time anyway. Yet another longer post idea, so will also stop here on this too.

As he played with my nipples more, i began to feel aroused and he could see it on my face. He said, “What will happen if you wake up in the middle of the night horny? Will you play with yourself??”

i said, “No Sir. i will have to ignore it and go back to sleep…… OR ….. (insert devious smile on my face)….. i could go down on you and suck you hard, then climb on top of you, and fuck you til i cum. And THEN go back to sleep.”

He smiled and said, “if you can do accomplish all that, then go for it!”

Well, i slept well and never woke til morning. Upon waking today, he said, “i didn’t sleep through my blow job, did I?”

When i responded with, “No Sir,” he asked why i didn’t do it. Of course i told him how i didn’t wake up. Which was all said while putting on a PJ top, to which he asked why.

To that question, i said “because it is cooler in the living room than the bedroom, and besides, i am not covered up by a pile of blankets.”

He responded with only a “hmmmm”.

i think maybe he DOES enjoy seeing my naked body and being able to fondle me at will. Maybe i need to sleep naked more often again too. And when i DO wake up in the middle of the night, even with him sound asleep, fuck him hard… for my own pleasure… it would be for my pleasure until he wakes up and joins with pleasure of his own. 😉

So i get #2 above satisfied with prancing through the bedroom on display for David to notice, and #1 satisfied when we snuggle in to sleep… under the 9-blankets already on the bed!! Making this circular reference go in the best possible order!

Have a great Monday…. Christmas is almost here!

Hugs,

Marie

157 – The Party on Saturday night

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 157 – The Party on Saturday night

This past Saturday we had my co-workers over to our house for a Christmas party. (Please NO comments about covid, a group gathering, masks, etc… it was my choice to invite them, they all knew the numbers AND the people who were invited AND the risk…. and yet they came anyway. Choices matter.)

Anytime we have hosted any party, ever, i get super stressed beforehand. i tend to worry about getting things made just “perfect”.. having enough food, the lay out of where to set things, enough chairs, the dogs bothering people, people mixing/mingling and having a good time.

i love the idea of hosting a party…. and we do an amazing job of it…. but … i tend to not actually enjoy any of it because i am too busy worrying, stressing, and scurrying around that i (mentally) miss most of it.

And David hates it. Not the party itself, but the way i freak out. Which usually causes us to bicker, snap at one another, or even fight beforehand.

i know i do it and i know he hates it. But i can’t control it either.

Well… i talked to David about it early-early on Saturday morning. And he happened to say, “so what can we do to change that outcome?”

This is the single question that has triggered the idea and ultimate discussion about me opening up my creative mind and telling him, “if i were in charge….”.

So i thought about it, and that’s when he was headed out to play a few holes of golf, and he said to text him my answer.

This is what i texted to him then:

As i think about your question and what we could do about me stressing out today, i hear an entire conversation in my head between us. I’ll share it with you now.

You say to me, “every time we have an event, you tend to get stressed, think you have to take over and be in charge, and you get bossy. You think that you can control the outcome of the party by controlling all aspects of it. I’ve never liked it and this time we are going to do it differently.”

You continued, “Today… we will be doing a lot of maintenance. Every hour, I will set a timer to go off at the top of the hour. When it goes off, you will immediately and without question, go to the bedroom and assume the position.

That’s when I will come in and spank you. You should expect that it WILL hurt! Every time!

I will give you 20-swats at each session. There will be no warm up. And between each one you will count and say ‘One Sir. Thank you Sir.’ And when we get to 20, we will be done until the next hour. Do you understand?”

Me, “yes Sir. How many hours will we do this?”

You, “until I decide you’ve learned how to not be bossy.”

You, “Additionally, please know that you will NOT be sexually touched or get to cum today. This is long overdue maintenance and intended to put myself in charge and you to submit. Not for you to be pleasured.”

“Finally, you will make a butt plug ready for me to insert. I intend to put it in at some point near the end of the maintenance sessions but you may end up being spanked with it in at some point as well. And you will likely wear it through the end of the party as a constant reminder that you are NOT to be bossy at any point!”

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you for your leadership and taking the time to spank me today.

After writing that to him, i waited for a response.

His only words back were, “I like that.”

Now what REALLY happened was…….

When David got home from golf a bit later, i was busy putting out plates, silverware, and the like, when he said, “let’s start that maintenance now. Go Assume the Position and I will be there in a bit.”

Me: Yes Sir. And i did.

That position he always wants me in to be spanked is….

– No clothes (at all), feet on the floor, spread shoulder width apart, bent over onto the bed from the waist up,

– head facing the bed or a pillow, palms facing down onto the bed, and with my arms laying up above my head,

– most importantly – the paddle resting in the small of my back.

As the way our bed sits, my back is then to the door. i hear the door open, but i can not see it or him. But i know he’s there.

His words upon seeing me in position were, “Now that’s my good girl! Exactly the way things are supposed to be.”

Because he is still in control and my Sir, he didn’t spank me the way i described above in the text. Instead, he did some small “love pats,” or warm-up swats. i received around 50 of them. While a few were slightly more powerful, not even one had any real force behind it. That said, the sting was felt and definitely made the impact Sir was seeking for it to do. It achieved the goal in no time at all.

The sting of the paddle hitting the same (general) area 50-times starts to build and it turns my butt very hot and very red. But these types of swats usually do not cause ANY bruising whatsoever, and is very impactful (mentally AND physically!)

While giving me this spanking, he did not make me count. Rather the opposite. He talked to me………

He said, “You don’t need to stress.” (Smack).

“You know it does nothing useful.” (Smack).

“You aren’t in control, I am.” (Smack).

“You need to trust that I am in control too.” (Smack).

“For the rest of the day, if you are stressing out, you need to stop and breathe. And slow yourself down.” (Smack).

“If I see you stressing today, I am going to first give you a warning. I suggest you heed it.” (Smack).

“Because if you start to stress today, or tonight at this party, and you don’t get yourself under control, I will assert my control instead and get you under control myself.” (Smack).

“We both know this is effective. Don’t we??” (Smack)

[i responded. “Yes Sir.]

“I will make you come to the bedroom and we will repeat this as much as is needed.” (Smack).

“Don’t even think of testing me, because I WILL do it all day long and even tonight with guests in our home.” (Smack)

“You wouldn’t want your co-workers to wonder why you’ve disappeared and hear the paddle falling on your ass, would you?” (Smack)

“I will spank you all afternoon and night in order to make you slow down and regain your composure if i need to, but i believe this preemptive discussion will curb most of that behavior.” (Smack, SMACK)

“Don’t you think so too?” (Smack… smack… SMACK!)

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.

So while turning my ass a bright red, getting very warm to the touch, and talking aloud to me, i heard his message loud and clear.

i didn’t receive another spanking all day… or night! Thank Goodness. Because while he hasn’t actually done anything “Dom-like” in front of others, so i don’t know if he would have spanked DURING the party for all to hear, i feel like testing him on this isn’t a wise-move either!

i did receive a verbal warning at one point in the afternoon though. He said, “I’m detecting stress in your voice. Is that an accurate assessment??”

i hadn’t even noticed it, but his words weren’t lost on me. And he was right! i took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “Are you able to change that on your own?”

And i said, “i believe so.”

To which he responded, “Good Girl.”

And i did. And we were both pleased!

So while i started out in the morning telling him how i wanted him to dominate me, he did an even better job of taking my ideas and implementing the parts that he felt were needed and tailoring it to him!

This is an example of how i think we will operate in the coming days with me speaking up about how he could or should treat (dominate) me and how i should respond (submit).

By the way… the party was amazing. We had a great time! People were smiling and laughing and ……..happy. Something i haven’t seen a lot of this year.

We all need to find something good in 2020 or at least to be happy about, even if it’s simply that the 2020 year is coming to an end!

And for some of us, finding the happy is a real struggle! i get it. The last 6’ish weeks have been a real struggle and David/i have had more disagreements than we’ve had in several years combined!

But maybe we are turning it around and ending the year on a good and happy note. Scratch the word maybe in that last sentence. We ARE ending the year positively. i hope you can too!

Hugs,

Marie

156 – The Big NO-NO!

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 156 – The Big NO-NO!

In DD or D/s relationships, there aren’t many “official” rules…. it’s what you make it. But just like a traditional relationship, there are a few unwritten rules that are generally followed by most people in the practice too.

And if or when you break a Cardinal Rule, and you blog about it, you should fully expect to be called out on it too. (Ok, so maybe the blogging and being called out part is just applicable to me….. and i am A-ok with that!)

What is this big No-No i am speaking specifically about?

TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM. Or said more plainly, telling your Dominant how to be Dominant. Or even just telling your Dom what to do at all.

Submissives are expected to…. well….. submit. We are NOT in charge. So telling my Sir how or when or what to do is…. a BIG NO-NO!

That is THE Cardinal Rule that David & i talked about yesterday. But we decided to change the rules. We have agreed to intentionally break this rule.

i have permission to TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. For awhile. Temporarily. And just exactly how long? i don’t really know. At this point, i am assuming it will be, “Until told otherwise.”

So we have changed our DD or D/s relationship dynamic to refresh, renew, and update it. For awhile anyway.

There are so many questions running through my head, and maybe yours too… like: why, how will that work, are you still the submissive or are you switching, what is the goal, and and and……. ok, slow down. Let’s take these one at a time……

W-H-Y?

Primarily because we have been in a funk. Our DD just hasn’t been working as intended. It needs a tune-up. Just like anything in life, it works …. until it doesn’t. Take your car for example. It runs well when you keep it well oiled, lubed, maintained. (So talking about oiled and lubed gets me all wet down there.. but i digress!). But the minute you don’t do those things, it falls apart and requires a major overhaul.

That’s about where we’ve been, in need of a major overhaul. And this is our immediate solution.

Additionally, David has known for a very long time that my mind is more creative than his. He is a very straightforward and “what you see is what you get” kinda person. NO, he is NOT dumb or a robot or anything that bad …. he does have a brain and he knows how to use it. But he is a very firm and solid Type A person. Whereas i am a mostly Type A, but also have some Type B creativity also.

So because of my creative mind, over the couple of years of doing DD, i have made many suggestions of things we should do or could implement into our dynamic. (i was the one to ask for this dynamic and to be spanked from the start.). And as such, some have told me, that i TOP FROM THE BOTTOM… and frankly, to an extent, i would agree. But now, i have permission to do it intentionally too!

H-O-W WILL THAT WORK?

So i talked to David about this. i told him i struggle with this. That i struggle in my ability to not tell him how to do his job. And sometimes i feel like i fail (to keep my mouth shut) and/or he fails (to Dominate me effectively)…. which then makes me feel like i fail all over again (to submit to his leadership.. even if i think it’s not quite 100%). Ultimately… it mostly leads to me feeling a lot of failure. And i don’t like that feeling.

i have SO many thoughts in my head about how he can be a better Dom, enforce our Dynamic more, and it would keep us from sliding so far away from how we want to be. And if he did these things, i would submit even more and even better… and we would not have failure or backsliding or fights. Or at least not as much.

i literally said, “But i know i am the submissive and telling my Dom what to do is…. A BIG NO-NO.”

He said, “well, I can see why you feel this way, but remember that ultimately I make the rules and I am now telling you that I want to know more of what is in your head … at least for awhile. I want you to tell me, out loud (not in text), at the moment it applies, how you think I should respond to a situation. I may not do exactly what you say or want me too, because I am ultimately in charge.”

He continued, “But never forget that I am ultimately still your Dom and you will always be my submissive. You are not dominating me, and as such you don’t ever get to discipline me. I am still in control. You can tell me what’s in your head about how you think I should treat or say or discipline you. And I want you to tell me what you think at the time you think it… uncensored. I may just implement your words or thoughts, but I may not. You need to respect that.”

Me: Yes Sir.

W-H-O is the DOM now??

He went on a bit further to say, “I expect your thoughts mostly call for me to be stricter with you. So you should prepare yourself for that inevitable end. I fully expect I will likely implement your ideas at that very moment. And you may not like it.”

Me: “It sounds like i will be switching from submissive to dominant… on myself. I will be co-dominating me with you for a bit.”

(Does this make me the little i or now the Big I? Nah… i will always be the little i…. i know i am a submissive at heart. Just helping my Dom know my limits, know how strict is too strict, how strict isn’t enough? But i won’t be the Big I at all.)

Him: “in a sense that is exactly what will happen. But remember that in the end, I am still your ultimate dominant and your ideas – or switching from sub to Dom – is just that…. an idea. Unless I decide it is something to implement now.”

He then said, “but it will help me to better know what you think would be a good solution to a problem or what your limits truly are.“

W-H-A-T is the ultimate goal?

In essence, we will have a lot better communication. If i am more or less required to tell him how i think, at the time i think it, we will have a lot more communication. David will have a much better understanding of what i think is a successful Dom, and what i will respond to best.

If David knows what i respond to best, he will be a better Dom and i would also be a better submissive.

i am a bit worried though…. will i be creating and molding him into what I want or what he wants? Will my switching lead to me being an island of one? Will I just have a split personality and start submitting to myself? Will he become that robot that i push the buttons and he does as i say?

i don’t think so.

i think we will be better than ever… and always together. But time will tell.

Now i am off to find some sexy Non-blanket-Winter covering to wear to bed! (i have Dom ideas of what he should say to me about this too…. next post!)

Hugs,

Marie

155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

In the last post that i wrote about Winter being Hard, i more or less told you how i don’t deal well with the cold… mentally and how it is soooo hard for me to not just live under a blanket! (Good thing i live in Texas and not North Dakota! Or Canada! Or Russia!)

At the same time, i woke up (yesterday) to find another glitch of this site had caused my original post about Intentional Dependence was back in draft and not actually posted. Well, in order to post it again (and see if it was complete or not), i re-read much of that post prior to re-posting it.

It was interesting to reflect on that post about dependence because i had talked about being dependent upon David to make decisions and lead our family….. compared to as of late, we are in a funk and not quite our normal selves. And i realized how far i have slipped away from being “intentionally dependent” upon him to lead us.

And yes, when i talk about our “normal” selves, i am referring to our Domestic Discipline (DD) way of doing things. i am well aware that most people, including many of you reading my blog, do not do DD or have it as part of your normal life. But we do. And when it is used correctly, it works very well for us.

DD includes me being spanked. For both discipline and maintenance. The maintenance is preemptive, while the discipline is responsive. Both ultimately serve to reinforce and remind me that i am not in control. And my role in our marriage is NOT to be in control, but instead to follow. To submit. i don’t like being spanked. What i do like is the control that i give up and the power i pass over, and how anyone willing to submit to being spanked is humbled and having a real display of submissiveness. THAT is what i like.

But when we drift away from our normal ways, we struggle. And we get into disagreements and sometimes flat out… fights. Yet, when we are in our normal ways and doing what we know works, we don’t fight. Because it is clear who makes decisions and who submits… always.

So when i re-read that post about being Intentionally Dependent, one that i wrote when we were on solid daily DD ground, i saw how far from our DD ways we have gotten. In a very short time too! Drifting away from our normal ways sometimes happens without us quite realizing it. Kind of like when you drift along in the warm waves of the ocean. You look up and realize you’ve moved down the beach 50 yards from where you started. You can still see your staked out spot on the beach, but you’ve moved a long way from it too. You recognize where you should be, but you also see how far from it you suddenly moved.

And just like the beach, i can see where we moved to and yet, know we have to work extra hard to move back against the waves and the natural flow of the water to get back to where we want to be. Which can be exhausting really, but failure is not an option. We have to get back to normal to get our marriage back on solid ground and not drifting any which way the wind and waves take us. (Is it a surprise that i am talking about the beach when it is Winter? If i think warm thoughts, maybe i will become warm too!)

So how exactly do we do that….. how do i have “Intentional Dependence”, how is he responsible for me, and how do we get it back?

Well first is obviously looking up to see we are off course and being committed to getting it back.

But for me, part of what makes our DD ways work is the reinforcement. Having David do his part to enforce the rules, enforce the spankings, as well as praise for doing well.

i said in that post that i am still fully responsible for myself… and i am. But there’s a certain amount of responsibility that David has assumed as Head of our Household (HoH) and like the President, there are no days off. You don’t get to say, “today I’m not going to be President and I’ll pass that off to someone else today”, so is the same in our house. David doesn’t get to NOT lead us. And even more, the President gets re-elected (or not) every 4-years, whereas we aren’t changing this ….ever. More like a King or Monarchy, i suppose, that sill reign until death! (Will Queen Elizabeth ever die? Or if she does, will it be before or after Prince Charles? One does wonder about these things…)

So while it’s true, Winter is Hard, it’s not impossible. But when we just want a break from leading… or submitting… what do we do? How do we get it back? How do we get back up the beach to the spot we know we need to be at?

The short answer is… very carefully!

But you have to be willing to try. And if you fail, you try again. And if you can’t succeed even then, you talk about it. Communication is the key to solving so many problems. But you have to be willing to try to do that also!

Soooooooooo…………..

i have been trying to since mid-Nov to turn things around with me and David. And while it’s slow (patience is needed!), i see progress in the right direction!

What has happened lately? (Yeah… i know i haven’t been here much “lately”…. i honestly HAD to focus on me and David and well…. draw back on something and blogging was “it”).

i’ve focused really hard on trying to be the best submissive wife i can possibly be! And NO, i have NOT always succeeded! And yet, even without complete success, the fights (and even disagreements), have sincerely subsided.

i intend to share some of my particularly recent successes AND failures in the next few posts. But i will give you one example here….

This morning after leaving for work, i texted David. i told him, “i should talk in person, but i just couldn’t bear to see your face when i asked, “Do you like being in control?”

His response, “W-H-Y are you asking this?”

My answer, “Because maybe we have fallen away from our DD ways because maybe you don’t really want to be in control.”

His answer, “you are over analyzing things and you need to stop.”

i said, “could you please humor me and answer my question?”

And he said, “YES I do like being in control. You will never dominate me.”

And i said, “ok, let’s talk more in person about how i feel that lately i top from the bottom.”

And we did. We talked tonight.

But i will tell you that part tomorrow…. along with answering what i left open-ended in the Winter Is Hard ending also.

Hugs,

Marie