162 – submissive or slave?

i have always thought of myself as a submissive, but at times i’d say i exhibit signs of being more like a slave.

What’s the difference?

Well, everyone probably has their own definitions really of what a submissive is versus what a slave is. But i would say it has everything to do with the amount of control the sub/slave has. A sub has some, whereas a slave has none (or very few!).

No matter what titles we associate ourselves with, we all have the right and control to say NO. And we all should respect that when we hear NO from our partner(s) it is final! So i am not talking about consent at all. Because a slave has willingly consented to giving up the control to make all decisions on her own and yielded everything (or mostly everything) to the Master. But while a submissive has given up most control, definitely not all.

Now, i want to also clarify, i am not talking about real-life-slaves. i am not talking about like it was in the US 1800’s and Civil War times. i am talking about the kinky submissive (or slave) lifestyle. Where the slave has willingly given up control. Not that it has been taken from them, like it was for the real-life slaves that was done then.

In that same sense, some might say a submissive is indeed owned, but a (sex) slave is instead not just owned but possessed.

A submissive has safe words, while quite frequently a slave has consented to no-consent, giving up those safe words.

A submissive has the right to sit where he/she wishes, whereas a slave is typically on the floor by her Master’s side.

A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

THAT is how i define the difference between a submissive and a slave.

With those clarities in mind……. i have always thought of myself as submissive. But lately, i wonder if i have “slave-like-tendencies” too, especially when it comes to sex.

i have come to the thought that maybe i am a “submissive wife and a sex slave.” Or at least, i want to be. i want to be a submissive wife AND a slave lover to my Sir. So in general life, i am a submissive. But when it comes to sex (or anything intimate at all), i would love to call myself his slave. i say this is how i’d like it to really be, but it’s a hard balance.

When it comes to daily life, i don’t believe it is possible or even practical to be a slave. To be frank, i don’t know how that actually works for most people. Maybe the slave is a stay at home wife and can be naked, chained up, stuffed with a cock, crawling on the floor, and eating out of dog/cat bowls. But none of that is practical with a job or kids. And maybe not all of that would apply to every slave either too, but the point is made too.

So for me and my life, with a job and a kid, it seems being submissive is the best way to LIVE. i defer to David on decisions effecting me and/or our family, i ask him permission to do and/or go places, and i (try!) not to argue. And should those things fail to happen properly, i am punished, which typically comes in the form of a spanking but not necessarily just spankings.

But now the second part….. when it comes to sexual activities or alone-time, i would like to give up all control. i would love to serve him in the ways he deserves and possibly prefers. i think he tends to feel valued and appreciated more when i am pleasing him, in life AND in sex, which leads to positive synergies for both of us…. in bed AND out!

And maybe that’s where we kinda operate (best) already anyway. We already do some of these things as it is.

Like when he says get naked, i do. When he says to edge, i do. When he says do not orgasm until he says i can, i don’t.

When he says i am to be spanked, i have only once called yellow and it was intentional on Sir’s part. He wanted to test me. But even then, i wasn’t aware of his intentions and i was trying very hard not to say it.

So i guess i don’t know where the lineeeeeeee is between sub or slave. At what point do you say, “i am a sex slave to my spouse!!” ?? Or are all these just other examples of being a good submissive and not a slave at all??

Today is another example of a sexual slave-like thing that i did to please my Sir. Today…. i am at work. And i have an inflatable dildo sex toy inside me.

Sir said, “you need to bring it to me before going to work.”

So i did.

He said, “spread your legs.”

So i did.

He pushed it up inside me. Gently. Not painfully.

He said, “you’ll wear this all day today. Every hour you need to give it two strong, good pumps. I want it very pumped up by the time you get home. You should feel the stretch. The point of this will be to stretch your pussy, but i expect you’ll likely have some pain as it trains your muscles to relax.

You should NOT take it out or release the air at ALL today, without permission, with the exception of bathroom breaks. Even then though, do NOT release the air. It needs to go back in the exact same way it came out.

This will make me happy. Will you willingly comply?”

i said, “yes of course Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And i was dripping wet! Knowing he is happy makes me soooo happy and soooo wet too!

Why is he stretching my pussy? Well, he has always said my puss is way too tight. When i orgasm, and he is inside me, i tend to squeeze tight and ultimately push him out. It isn’t at all intentional!

So he says we need to stretch it out to not have that happen and to allow his “cock to have a warm, inviting place to stay….” and i agree wholeheartedly! Even if it will hurt and be sore by the end of the day, it is well with my soul!

My puss belongs to him all the time, but especially today!

Does my willingness to stretch it out and feel some pain, with a smile on my face and knowing how happy we both are with this, move my sex-temperature from being just a submissive to being a sex slave? i just don’t know……

But i think i have no/few limits as to our sex-life, and rarely use my safe words. In fact, i try very hard to NOT use them and instead, to accept his will as my own. i trust he will know my limits and/or ask if he is unsure, to which i will always answer truthfully.

While he has never ordered me naked and on the floor by his side, if he did, i would do it. Willingly. Happily. And without a single complaint. Most days anyway, and of course, not when our son is around or when i need to go to work. So there are limits within the no-limits-for-sex zone, which probably puts me back to my first thought that i am just a submissive because sex-slave isn’t really practical.

So again, do these sexual tendencies make me a slave for sex? or maybe a part-time slave and a full-time submissive or maybe just a submissive who likes a strong Dominant in the bedroom or ……

Yes, i am indeed getting caught up in terms and labels. But i am just speculating and thinking out loud about these things too.

i will likely explore this topic further in future posts too. What do you think? Where is “the” line? Is it possible to be a submissive for wife duties and a slave for sex activities?

Or maybe i’ll tell you more about my day with the dildo. Which would you prefer to hear more about? 😉




  1. Hey 👋 Marie.
    I would love to read about your day with the inflatable dildo.
    The line between sub or slave can be very blurry, there should always be a contract, and consent or not.

    • Hello there Nudo.
      Thank you for posting. I was just getting online and saw this pop in. We actually do not have a contract, at least not written anyway. Mostly because when we started this, we were both so new, we wouldn’t have had enough knowledge that we needed one, let alone what to put in it. But we have talked a lot, so you could say we have a “hand shake deal”. Lol.

      I kinda figured most would want to know about the dildo day….. and glad you confirmed my thoughts too. I’ll write about it today. 😊

  2. Hi Marie,
    I think we both know which topic I would want you to write about :). You make some good points about the line between slave and submissive. I suppose much of it has to do with your state of mind related to your relationship and the control that is given in each situation but also in conveying to him the level of control he has so that he can maximize the type of behaviour that you are hoping he imposes on you in response to your needs. He is a very lucky man regardless of whether you carry the label of sex submissive or sex slave. Swapping lists with you a few months ago was one of the fun parts of the fall of 2020. In case you don’t write any postings until after the holiday have a Merry Christmas!

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