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Tag: discipline

154 – Winter is hard

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Winter is Hard….. to feel sexy…. for SO many reasons.

1) Darkness. Whoever invented Day Light Savings (DST) Time was a genius. (DST is the time we have during the summer… when we “fall back” we go back to “Standard time” (ST)). But the person who thought switching it back to ST was idiotic.

It gets too dark too quick. i get nothing done after work. i feel like all i do is work. It gets light about the time to go to work, and dark shortly after getting home.

i read an interesting article from the Farmer’s Almanac dispelling the myth that Farmers started it all! They actually are the biggest opponents to it and argue against it as much as possible! They say the sun dictates their day, not the hour on the clock. The sun tells the crops when to grow and the animals when to wake and eat.

So of course when all i do is “work,” i feel tired and ready for bed. Which means… i am NOT ready for ANY sexual activity.

i would vote in favor of DST year round! Just saying!

2) Holidays galore. i LOVE Halloween and Thanksgiving, but especially Christmas. It is the only holiday that we all decorate our houses inside and out, we greet one another with something other than “hello” and “goodbye” (typically Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays), and everyone gets a gift . And let’s not forget the parties or special events (concerts, theater productions, etc) that are themed and timed all around these particular dates.

Now don’t get onto me about the words “all” and “everyone”, because i recognize not all decorate or that not everyone gets a gift. But… more do than don’t. So meaning, there is no other holiday where even half the people on any given street would decorate the outside of their house, and especially no other holiday with lights too. And no other holiday where we all get gifts, unlike your birthday where it’s just you, or mother’s/Father’s Day where it is just that sex. So it becomes a festive and (literally) bright holiday.

But…. all these festivities require more things be added to the to-do list too. And that means more “work” has to be done to prepare for all this fun and festivity. So we already have fewer daylight hours and now we have more to do in them!

3) allergies and head colds set in. i have been battling this for a week now. My head hurts all the time from a too-stopped-up or a won’t-stop-running nose. That is wearing me down for sure.

But… it gets dark early, soooooo…. off to bed for me! [ALWAYS ways to find the positive!]

4) But the biggest and most primary reason of all that Winter is Hard to be sexy…..We have SO many clothes on!

i’ve experimented with No Clothes on in the house. It was hard to do in the summer for my own modesty (self consciousness) and our teen son in the house. But NOW… because i would be shivering all day everyday. In fact, i have on more clothes now than i did then.

SO WHAT TO DO?

So how to change these negative trends? How do you combat the “winter blah” and still look, feel, and act sexy… to keep the marriage sparks flaming?!

Good question. Glad you asked. Oh wait.. i asked YOU! i want to know…. what do YOU do to stay sexy in the winter-blah months?

i’ve been absent from here lately (and i know you know and i am grateful to those that have asked me about it …. knowing someone cares is sexy all by itself)…… but….. i think it’s time to come back. To embrace the un-sexy part of winter.

You tell me today what you do… and i will tell you tomorrow what i do! Deal? Ok then… give me a comment below then!

Hugs,

Marie

146 – Got Spanked?

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Welp, i was right. i just knew things weren’t quite as they should be between David & i lately.

i have been snippy and sassy lately. With words and facial expressions both. And he has been tolerant.

He knew i have not been as-submissive-as-i-ought-to-be. But all he did was raise an eyebrow or make a comment like, “watch it!” So he has issued warnings. But warnings are only good for so long and then you have to do something about it. Or else quit calling out the warnings because they are nothing more than idle threats at that point!

Warnings can be effective for awhile, but at some point, they are no longer a useful tool.

So i also say…. He has been lazy. Yes, that is me calling him out right now. While i didn’t do these things simply to test him, when he allows me to get away with regular and continual disrespect he is being lazy.

And i will add that this can lead to a bad never-ending circle of habits and behaviors on both sides. When i know there is nothing more than a warning coming, i tend to lose (some/temporary) respect for David. i tend to be so annoyed that i roll my eyes and think, “whatever! He won’t do anything. Why should i act better when it won’t matter anyway?”

i will circle back to this idea of how it makes me feel throughout this post too, but right now i will start with…

Why would a dominant be lazy?

Well, i don’t think my Sir intends to be lazy. Sometimes i doubt he even realizes he has been! But i think some of the lazy comes from:

1) Overthinking. Like all of us, sometimes we all get too far in our own heads, including our dominants too. i think he wonders if: a) he gave enough notice/warnings, b) he was in a bad mood and overreacted, c) i wasn’t aware of what i did because i was stressed. Etc etc.

i could come up with a lot of reasons why David may overthink discipline. And so he hesitates.

And so he delays the discipline.

2) Tired. Sometimes fatigue – physical and/or mental happens – even to our dominants. Sometimes we all just want “peace and quiet” and to do our own thing, including our dominant. And they probably think that we should just do the right thing anyway.

So he delays the discipline again.

3) Discipline can be a to-do item. Sometimes it is just another “I have to do (blank) today.” Which becomes a chore. this is sometimes how we both feel about Maintenance on Friday’s. We both know it’s good to do, but sometimes, it just feels like a to-do item.

And he doesn’t want to do that to-do, so he delays discipline even more.

4) Even as a to-do item, does it have to be done “right now”? An analogy comes to mind here ….. doing the dishes. You know you have to clean the dishes. But does it matter if it is right after dinner, before bed, or the next morning? Probably not. But it still does have to get done at some point. And if you don’t do it even the next morning, the next dinner meal comes around and the dishes are likely now still not done.

This causes clutter. Pots and pans are in the way and not allowing any place to cook the next meal, the pans are dirty so what can you cook in anyway, and when it is cooked what will you eat off of since the plates and forks are all dirty still too?

And so the discipline was delayed.. again!!

But at some point…. THE DISCIPLINE HAS TO GET DONE.

Just like the dishes, there can be excuses, call it a to-do, or a hope the submissive does the right thing…. but allowing it to continue is not acceptable. And a warning is now nothing more than an empty threat if the discipline isn’t carried out.

This now sets up a pattern of bad behavior. If the submissive has bad behavior, the dominant does nothing about it, the submissive will (probably – and definitely will in my case!) continue the bad behavior, the bad behavior may even get worse, and at some point…. everything and everyone explodes.

i happen to think this vicious circle is what lead to the (most recent) “Worst Spanking ever.” But this time, i decided to not let it go that far.

Instead of continuing this terrible cycle of bad behavior, i told David, “i have not acted right. i know you know it too. And i need you to spank me. It needs to be hard enough to create remorse on my part. And it should cause you to be put back in place as the HoH and me as your submissive wife.”

Now of course, that sounds like i was the one who took the high ground here and did the right thing. But… i didn’t have the courage to say these words aloud.

i texted David after i left for work!

He wrote back, “when you get home, you need to go assume the position.” [to be spanked…. naked, feet on the floor, bend over at the waist onto the bed, with the paddle resting in the small of my back.]

i simply responded with, “Yes Sir.”

When i got home though, our 16-yr old son was hungry, time for dinner, and other chores took priority. But the minute we ate, i immediately cleaned up the dishes. And announced to our son i was going to our bedroom. He said ok.

David came in almost 15-minutes later and praised me for not having to be reminded to assume the position, despite not having it happen immediately after work.

That was a very long 15 minutes to wait in that position too! My legs were stiff and my back started to hurt from not moving (much) to ensure the paddle didn’t fall from its place.

i typically pray during these times. i pray that God instills a submissive mindset in me, gives David the confidence to discipline as much as i need (not just the making i want… because the “want” is always less than the “need”!), and that i am strong enough to accept the discipline with grace and love in my heart (and mind) to create a change in me.

This day was no different.

And David did indeed spank me more than i wanted. And it did indeed created a change in me. i have been more respectful this last 4-days than i was in the previous 2-weeks.

It hurt! All spankings should! It is always a time that i should, and typically do, get to the mindset of, “why did i do (blank)? This could’ve been avoided. This hurts. This is way worse than what i did to get to this place!”

While many don’t agree with Domestic Discipline (DD), we do. It restores order and cleanliness to our lives. Like having a clean kitchen, it is pretty, neat, more appealing, and ready to be used again the next time out. This is what happens in our marriage when we regularly have DD working-as-intended.

So like cleaning the dishes restores order to the kitchen, DD does that for our marriage. With mutual respect, kindness, compassion, and love … Our marriage is stronger because of it. We both know who is the leader and who is the follower. And that was just as God planned it to be, with my Sir leading my family and me following. But the clutter just happens sometimes in a marriage the same as in a kitchen, with daily use. And like the kitchen dishes, the clutter has to be dealt with and cleaned up. Some marriages don’t ever clean up the clutter for not having a good way to do it, or laziness. We prefer to deal with our marital difficulties with DD. When it is administered, things are cleared up and put back in order.

So now our vicious (bad) cycle has been broken. For now anyway. As much as i wish it weren’t true, i have no doubt this day will come back around again. Because like the dishes, clutter in our marriage happens. But we will deal with it, and set things straight again.

But it does require no one to be (regularly or continually) lazy too. So if all it takes is for me to send a text that basically could’ve said, “please don’t be lazy. i need to know you are in charge and in control. i need to have you show me your strength and ability to lead me and our family everyday. And that means you have to do more than just call out idle threats and DO something. Please turn me over and spank me hard,” then i will do it every time!

To some, asking and accepting a spanking is a challenge. To others, giving a deserved spanking is a challenge. But it works. Every time.

i love my disciplined life!

Hugs,

Marie

134 – Permission or Forgiveness?

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Sometimes asking permission is better than asking forgiveness. And sometimes not. But most of the time, especially in my marriage, i think it is.

The phrase “it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,” has been used to justify some less than altruistic purposes over the years. But that was never the intention when Admiral Grace Hopper popularized the phrase in 1982. What she meant was that (sometimes) it is better to act decisively and apologize for it later, than to seek approval to act and risk delay, objections, etc. and if you read the quote (exactly) as it is above, you can easily see that she’s saying, “if it’s a GOOD idea….(THEN move forward).”

When Navy officer Hopper was quoted with these words, she was talking specifically about her work on computers during WWII. At the time, 99% of Americans (maybe all people worldwide) had never seen a computer, and likely most didn’t know what it would be used for even if they had seen one.

Because she knew she was in the military (government), probably the biggest red tape society that ever existed, asking permission may have been tantamount to nothing more than an exercise in learning patience and the zen practices of relaxation. For all the waiting…… AND waiting…she’d have to do if she asked permission for everything she wanted to do. So she decided to go for it and ask forgiveness later.

In my normal/daily/ boring life, and especially at work, i agree with Hopper. i think that taking calculated risks that are ultimately designed for the better, is a good thing! Much of the time, this is successful and other people appreciate the initiative taken by those that just went for it. And in those few times where it is not successful, you ask forgiveness and hope the non-success wasn’t too detrimental in the end and that the forgiveness is granted!

But in my marriage, it is FAR better to ask permission than forgiveness. Permission is zen and peaceful, whereas forgiveness is loud and painful (when the paddle collides with my rear end)!

So i recently asked for a spanking when i really kinda thought i didn’t need to or shouldn’t have to have one. While i thought my anger was justified, i knew i wasn’t full of submissive or respectful thoughts about and towards my husband. It was the anger and stress that i was feeling that caused me to think i needed to be spanked. If nothing else, i figures that the spanking would promote stress relief. So i asked permission to receive a spanking.

But that spanking did NOT happen, as i had expected!

David decided i did not need it. At all. While i wasn’t in a submissive mindset at the time, i handled the situation wayyyyyy better than i might would have in the past (Aka: pre-DD). For that alone, i was indeed acting submissive!

He respected that i asked for (permission) a spanking and admitted to my less-than-submissive thoughts too.

So by ASKING for a spanking…. and admitting my fault, he told me a spanking was simply not necessary.

He also said that if i had not admitted my stress or non-submissive mindset, or if i had actually yelled at him… i assuredly would have had a hard time sitting down after that.

So by asking permission and not just going for it to have to ask for forgiveness, my actions were positively rewarded!

He also explained that as he was talking to me about the problem at hand…….. the one he wanted me to call about…… the more annoyed he became at the Company. So that’s when he decided i would likely have “been nice” to them if i had talked to them directly so he decided to call himself and try to get it done directly.

He apologized for having wasted my time and for not telling me he decided to call himself. And all in all…. he recognized he was not in the right.

i was validated! And avoided punishment and got an apology. All because i held my temper and my tongue and was willing to submit to a spanking … if for no other reason than stress relief!

So see……submissiveness really works!

Of course, then the next day was a Friday so there’s the maintenance session(s) anyway! But still. i avoided TWO spankings for the week at least!

i think i’ll talk more about maintenance again soon. It’s just so hard to explain why i actually like it, and why it too is a good thing. But i’ll give it another try.

Hugs,

Marie

103 – BFF’s compete for my love.

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It is hard to have two best friends who are completely opposite of one another. The only thing they have in common is their desire to spend time with me. So it’s time i pick between my friends and make one be my BFF and turn the other out on the street.

Exercise and Chocolate. These are the two that constantly compete for my time. And i admit, i really love chocolate and i (mostly) grunt when Exercise feels ignored. But it’s time i tell Chocolate she can no longer dominate my world and Exercise must come first. That said, Exercise and me have NEVER seen eye to eye. i have never wanted to be buddy buddy with Exercise. When she’s wanted to be in control, i’ve humored her but never really submitted to her. But now, she’s going to be my BFF and i will allow her to truly Dominate me the way she’s wanted to for so long!

i am going to (learn to) love Exercise the way i have loved Chocolate.

It is time that i turn my back on Chocolate! Maybe she will in time learn to share me with Exercise instead of trying to Dominate me. i must tell Chocolate she is no longer in control and it’s time she switches to be submissive.

Why this change of heart towards Chocolate? What did she ever do to me?

i’ll tell you what she’s done…. she’s made me overweight, lazy, and out of shape. And for a long time, i’ve allowed her to do so because she makes me feel good. i have enjoyed the control she exerted.

But on this trip to CO, i didn’t feel so good at all. i can tell that Chocolate has been in control for far too long, which caused me to be full of aches and pains from sore muscles. While we had loads of fun horseback riding and white water rafting, Chocolate has made Exercise be the hated enemy for so long that now my body hurts. And Chocolate hasn’t brought the satisfaction and joy she once did. And it’s time i stop snubbing my nose at Exercise and start embracing her as the true friend she’s trying to be. Let’s face it, true friends never tell you what you WANT to hear, but instead what you NEED to hear!

i have a goal of 25-lbs weight loss. And i want to do it 1/2 – 1 lb a MONTH. Yes, i’m fully aware it will take a LONG time to get to my goal. And i also know the best way to lose weight is to start with becoming BFF’s with Exercise.

In the past, when i embraced Exercise for all she is, i also start to eat better (RIGHT!). Mostly because i don’t want all that friendship with Exercise to go to waste. And then, i lose weight.

i turn 50 in exactly 16-months. i want to be my very best self on my 50th bday! This is a very long-term goal, but i can do this if i start now. And by starting now, i know that me and Exercise will become BFF’s for life! Starting now is always the best way to begin. To which in the end, my life will be much longer than it would be if i allow Chocolate to continue to be in control!

To ensure i stay on track, i’ve asked David to implement accountability for me. i asked him to implement a daily steps goal for me. i have a watch that can track steps. But i don’t wear it too often. Why? Because Chocolate always told me that Exercise was trying to remind us that she was there …. and Chocolate was jealous that she’d be replaced as my bff!

i’ve had a nice long talk with Chocolate and told her to settle down. That if she would realize that she and Exercise can both be my friend, if they work together. While Exercise has to be made the dominate friend, Chocolate can still play with me too… in moderation and after Exercise has been given her rightful place of being in control!

But ultimately David is always in control. David wants me to be BFF’s with Exercise too. David will ensure i reach my daily steps goal, or else a (harsh and severe) punishment will ensue. i have asked for this…. CONSENT people….as i want to remain committed to becoming BFF’s with Exercise. i don’t know what punishment David will ultimately inflict, but i have asked him to make it be “so severe that i want to do what it takes to avoid it!” And to realize that i would much prefer to take action (by getting in the steps) in order to avoid it!!

His words, “I can do that! And it starts now.” (Because our vacation is over.)

Vacation is indeed over. It was great. And i had loads of fun in CO, and with Chocolate, but now the real work begins. And the best time to start anything new is always to start it “Right Now”!

You can feel free to check in with me periodically and ask things like, “how’s the new friendship coming along?” to also keep me laser focused and on track! i truly DO want to be my best ever when i turn 50.

Hugs,

Marie

102 – consent! Consent! CONSENT!

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i feel the need to clarify —

i fully C-O-N-S-E-N-T to being spanked!

i am truly amazed at those who believe i am an abused, brainwashed, and an enslaved wife.

I …….A-M ……..N-O-T!

i want to tell you a bit about what does NOT happen ….

– i have never cried. i think this is normal though for many people in a D/s or DD relationship. i don’t know why i haven’t cried. i’m unsure if it’s not intense/hard enough, or if i am not remorseful enough, or maybe i mentally separate myself. i dunno. But if David intended time abuse me, i feel sure i’d be in a LOT of tears quite often.

– We have only ever used a belt and a paddle. While i’d love to experiment and experience some other instruments (tawse, crop, whip, etc), we haven’t. i bought a Loopy John, (here’s a pic….)

and David thought it looked interesting so he swatted at my butt one time right after it came in the mail… with my clothes on. And when i yelped, he asked to see my rear end. It left a mark, he apologized/felt bad (!), and while temporary and was gone in a few hours, David says he will never use it again. If he wanted to abuse me, he would have kept on with it!

– David has only once has it left welts on my rear. To which, at the time it happened, i was pretty surprised as i didn’t think the paddle was used enough to create that result. And David was too!

One time, i didn’t want to continue with the spanking and i stood up and refused to let it continue. David through up his hands and while we got into a huge fight, he did NOT continue! If i were abused or enslaved, he could’ve easily tied me down or locked me in cuffs or the room and forced me to take the spanking – it maybe at that point it would be more appropriate to call it a Beating!

– He has NEVER broke anything – mentally or physically on me or our home. If he was an out-of-control Dominant, he could easily do these things (He’s a big guy!) He has no desire to use brute strength to force me to do anything!

– All of everything we do (DD; D/s) has been MY idea from the start! i had to talk him into it. While he sees it works now, it took me the better part of 2-years to convince him to lay a hand (or belt or paddle) on me. And he ONLY does it when he’s calm. NEVER from a place of anger or frustration, which he could easily do!

In the end – i want you to know this is CONSENSUAL in every-single-way! i may be submissive but i have a voice and i am quite capable of speaking my mind! And when i do it with respect and in a calm tone, he hears me loud and clear. And it always results in me getting what i want, need, or deserve.

So please know: i am NOT abused, enslaved, or otherwise brainwashed into this! If anything, David has been brainwashed to my way of thinking!! ☺️. Lol!

But in the end – this works for us! It resolves difficulties and differences quickly and super easily. It keeps respect, truth, and loyalty in our marriage too.

Oh – and – if you think i am crazy, well, i’ve already said…. i just might be!

i would hug you in person and tell you this with my voice if that were possible, but in the meantime – accept my virtual hugs – and trust that i am OK! Actually – scratch that – i am MORE than ok ….. i am happy, thriving, loving life and couldn’t be happier in and with my marriage!

Hugs,

Marie