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95 – Am i crazy? i just might be!

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So the question of the day is: how does it “FEEL” to be submissive? (And … “am i crazy?”)

Let’s start by defining submissive…. “ready to conform to the will of another; obedient; passive, compliant, agreeable.”

MENTAL: being submissive starts with a state of mind. It is an action. To be obedient and passive is a choice. It is an intentional choice to be compliant and agreeable. It’s not something done to me, but something i choose to do.

Why do i chose to be submissive? Mostly… because i can. And it feels good. It feels good to agree with Sir, to let him be responsible – take charge – and for me to let go. And … to know that all i really have to do is……. just agree. i don’t have to be in charge of everything. i don’t have to be “right” either. i am even ok with being right and not getting recognition for it too.

i feel “free” when i don’t have responsibility to do anything… except for whatever makes him happy. Or whatever he tells you to. Or whatever keeps happiness between us.

PHYSICAL: Like most things in life for all of us, when i do good… i get rewarded. And when i don’t, well… i don’t. So in a D/s marriage, that typically means things along a sexual nature but not always. So i get to orgasm, get him to orgasm, have sex, and spend time with Sir… when i am a good girl. But when i am not…. that typically means spanked ass, denial, or loss of privileges.

And i dare say most (non D/s) marriages don’t have as much sexual energy and interactions as ours.

And even for the non-sexual activities, i still submit. Why? Again, because it’s agreeable. And so it works. Is there really any tv shows that i really want to see and therefore must be in control of the remote? And do i really need to have Mexican food for dinner instead of Chinese? No. i don’t.

So when i submit …. i feel good. And i get to look and feel sexy to my husband, which leads to orgasm. And when i don’t, i stand in the corner, get my ass turned red, or go to bed early.

MENTAL: But if i were to look in from the outside most people would think my marriage, viewpoints, and lifestyle is over the top outrageous… which would make me certifiably C-R-A-Z-Y! They’d probably question how much is (truly) consensual too…. because (they would say) that no one volunteers for the things that i – not only encourage – but actually ask for!

Right?!?!

C-R-AZ-Y. It feels like i am crazy sometimes. Insane. Officially over the edge. Commit me now. i truly do legitimately wonder this…. am i crazy to want this in my life and marriage? i probably am, depending on who you ask. Let me explain further.

So it is absolutely true that my lifestyle is nowhere near what mainstream would deem acceptable or appropriate or normal.

Okay, let’s go with that. Great. Ok. i am willing to own it….. we are not “normal”. At least not “normal” according to a mainstream definition of it anyway. Maybe i would argue that maybe mainstream isn’t right. At least as it relates to marriage. At the rate of divorce, i don’t know that i think that the “normal” definition and way of doing things for a marriage is the “right” way. i mean, seriously, if the “normal” way of marriage was SO great and the “right way,” then why do so many of them fail?

And you know what? i am O-K with that… bring abnormal. Why?

Well…. we have a GOOD marriage. i might dare say GREAT. Because we are completely together. We are completely committed. And i have NO doubt we will stay this way. In a D/s relationship with DD as a way to deal with disagreements. And doing it in a crazy way!

i guess what i’m driving at is … maybe i AM crazy. And maybe our marriage is abnormal. But for me, i’ll just embrace this crazy abnormal marriage and be happy in it.

Because while i do crazy things like pierce my nipples, wear chastity belts or an anal plug out in public, and get my ass spanked every Friday morning to reinforce the ways we like to do things ….it is all ultimately under my clothes …. the ones that are completely “normal” and accepted by society’s mainstream.

So how does it feel to be submissive? Crazy. Abnormal. Obedient. And that can sometimes lead to blissful orgasms… or blistered asses.

And i am OK with it all!

Hugs,

Marie

91 – what does it feel like?

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i get asked this question a lot….. with many things….. and of course, most recently with the chastity. But previously with getting nipples pierced. And frequently and quite regularly with spanking. And always with submission-in-general.

With the exception of the “submission,” i don’t think the question is aimed at asking how i feel emotionally, but rather how does it feel physically.

i suppose much of how i write is more about the emotional than the physical, but even then, sometimes it’s more from an objective standpoint than a “me” standpoint. For example, “i received a harsh spanking but i did xyz…”. That statement is rather objective and i don’t exactly say how it felt… either physical or emotional.

So i guess i can appreciate why i get asked to describe more of the feeling of things. So i’ll describe the physical AND the emotional FEELING…..

So i’ll just start with……..

CHASTITY….

Physical:

First off, i want to make it clear that it does NOT hurt. At all.

It is (somewhat) uncomfortable as it is tight and unforgiving in the restriction it imposed. But that’s the whole idea and how it’s supposed to be too!

Because it is steel, it moves as one full unit. Meaning, if you press on the back, the front moves and the same with side to side too.

i can’t get into or out of it by myself. Because it is metal, it is stiff. And all 3 of the prongs/parts have to come together and held in place, while the lock is put on. And logistically, it takes 2-hands to hold it in place and one more to apply the lock. Oh probably after some effort, i suppose i could get it on and off by myself but it wouldn’t be easy.

i suppose the difficulty comes from it being so tight. But if it weren’t so tight though, it wouldn’t do what it is supposed to: restrict access.

Now don’t misunderstand, it’s not so tight that i can’t breath, move, walk, or talk. It’s not those things, remember i already said, “it does NOT hurt.”

It does restrict access, specifically to my clit and any penetration of my puss. i suppose if i suck in air and my stomach with it, i could get my fingers between the metal and my clit. But as soon as i breath out, it would squeeze my fingers and likely cause pain. So trying to do that long enough to achieve orgasm is NOT likely!

Sir has frequently told me i touch myself way too much and i needed to control it. But …. the temptation has been too great for far too long.

In fact, touching myself without permission was the reason for a spanking gone wrong. Admittedly, i don’t touch my breasts or ass, so this is truly achieving what he wants….. controlling my ability to touch, pleasure, or orgasm without permission.

Going to the bathroom is a bit strange. i lift my dress and sit down. Because the Chastity is stainless steel and designed for 24/7 use, there is a hole in the back for poo and a grate in the front for pee. But sitting down on the toilet with the equivalent of (hard, tight, metal) panties still on and to relax enough to pee is a bit of a mental game for sure. But it does work really easily after i relax. The biggest challenge is wiping… the metal first, the sides next, and then the back. And when i don’t do it well enough, it drips down my leg. It takes a lot more time but it seems to be working.

i haven’t taken a shower with it on so i have no idea about that……

Mentally:

The chastity belt is a constant reminder that my body isn’t mine to control.

It’s kinda strange to put my hand in front of me and feel hard metal instead of soft skin, but again, a very constant and continual reminder that i should not be pleasuring myself at all. So it is both simultaneously (mentally) stimulating AND forcing me to think about other things too.

Typically when our son isn’t around and i have no panties on, i find ways to lower my puss onto Sir’s knee and seductively ask, “you want to touch it? You want to make it cum?”

But not today. Today, locked in chastity, we have talked about very non-seductive things…. tv shows, plans for dinner, what work holds this week, craft projects i have in the works, etc.

i have always loved enticing David to touch me and hoping that it was making him happy.

But in a lot of ways, i can see now (while in chastity) that those “enticements” were me putting suggestions in David’s head and it was ultimately about ME. It was me telling myself i was being submissive, because i ultimately gave him the choice to touch me or not. But that wasn’t really true, was it?

TODAY…..

Today i have been in chastity since getting out of the shower at 8:00 am and it is now approaching bed time ….more than 12-consecutive-hours.

Day 1 was only a few hours, yesterday.

Day 2 has been a very long time, today.

Even after all these hours, what i wrote above is true…. it doesn’t hurt, but a bit uncomfortable, not so unbearable i want it off. And the longer it goes, the more i am submissive in my mindset too!

Earlier in the afternoon, Sir did reach up and put his hand under my dress and tease the sides of my labia with his hand and said, “too bad you are all covered up and not possible to play with! I might’ve let you cum!”

i said, “if you want me to take it off, i can…..” (although as noted above, i probably can’t really get out of it on my own…..A-N-D……. i am NOT the one who holds the key anyway!!)

He said, “Noooooooo……If I wanted you out, I’d get you out! There’s no reason to get you out.”

And he walked away.

Later in the afternoon, Sir told me to do something and i immediately responded with, “but that’s not right…. blah blah”

And he cut me off and said, “Marie! You need to listen to me!” i immediately responded with, “i’m sorry Sir” and wished i wasn’t so quick to have responded.

He looked at me and smiled saying, “do you feel sufficiently chastised??”

i responded with, “oh yes, most definitely!”

He knew the double meaning when he used the word “chastised” and it was intentional! We both laughed.

Then as i was dressing for bed, Sir said, “you have a choice…. sleep with it in or take it off and get to cum.”

i cringed. i don’t like these types of choices. i don’t know what the “right” answer is. And i told him so.

He said, “There’s no right or wrong answer. I want to see how you’ll respond. Do what you want here.”

And i asked to be unlocked.

And to cum.

And i got it! At his hand. Not mine.

So i’m not sure how much i’ll ultimately wear it …. in any given day or how many days in general. Sir has made it clear it won’t be worn “permanently,” or “indefinitely”, but now today after having been in chastity all day, i can see the benefits of it and would willingly submit both my body and my mind to it regularly!

Maybe i’ll get to wear it overnight someday ….. and test my ultimate endurance….. but even then, i am NOT in control…. of anything. And it is VERY obvious to me while i AM in chastity!

The rest of the topics?!? Well… that will make good blog topics in the next few days. So, i’ll just end this here…..

While i’m unclear about the ultimate plan, i am happy to not know and to just submit!

Hugs,

Marie

88 – It Has Arrived

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, Submission. No Comments on 88 – It Has Arrived

The chastity belt. It came in the mail today.

i won’t deny, the idea of it was hot. When i looked at it, live and in-person, it is a bit overwhelming. Ok, actually, i’m going to scratch the word “a bit”and replace it with “a lot!”

It did take some time to get it all set up and fitted properly. Then i cleaned it… i mean, it is about to be worn right up next to my private parts, so ya know… cleanliness is key.

And then i sat it on the bathroom countertop.

And i walked away.

Sir said, “Put it on. Lock it up!”

And i said, “maybe we should wait to try this out this weekend.” (Today being Thursday).

He agreed. And i felt relief flood in!

It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable. In fact, as i was getting it adjusted to fit properly, it really was more comfortable than i anticipated actually.

It just looks more intimidating, more threatening, more than i bargained for, more than i expected…. in fact, maybe just stop with the word “more” and that’s a good description right there!

i mean, i will wear it. i will adjust to it. Just like i adjusted to no bra, no panties, and now… a chastity belt.

It has a steel grate in front to allow pee and a hole in back to allow poo, so in theory, it can be worn all-the-time. And there will be NO touching because there’s just not that much room!

i don’t know yet if it is no to be permanent/ wear all the time. Or just when we focus on orgasm control and edging type things. Or when i get in trouble as punishment.

i just need time to swallow down the fear of “what if”…. something goes wrong, i need to get out of it, someone figures out what i am wearing, it it hurts, it’s too tight, etc etc.

There’s really just SO many unknowns!

Maybe i need to show it some TLC and bond with it… maybe give it a name… i mean, it is about to become a part of me. So maybe by naming it, i’ll kinda “own it” and make it be “mine”.

Let’s see…. maybe TRex. It is big and intimidating. Or Steely. It is made of steel and there’s NO wearing it through any scanner/security without setting off all sorts of alarms! Or ….uhm…. i dunno….. you got any suggestions?

So i’ll just let it sit there until tomorrow after work… and maybe even Saturday morning too….

And then i’m quite sure i’ll end up putting it on, applying the lock, and handing Sir the key. To which i am sure he will smile.

Hugs,

Marie

83 – Remorse… or lack thereof.

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Today i orgasmed…. Without permission. It’s been a long established rule… that is NOT allowed.

This. After having just done so well with edging AND David being so kind just one day prior. 🥴

For a long time now, David & i both have known that i love to have my puss filled. Like really filled. Completely Full.

He has been working toward the ultimate goal of fisting. And it gets me super turned on when he decides he wants to try it. And this morning David told me he wanted to try.

To date we have not succeeded in this. But to even get close (to fisting) it takes a lot of lube, so he told me start edging, get myself (naturally) wet, and he would be in afterward. So i was excited. Super excited. And started.

When he came in, i was getting fairly wet already. He liked it.

He took the bottle of lube and squeezed some out onto my clit as i was also touching it. As he was about to start taking over where i was working, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “I like what I see!”

And that sent me over the edge!

i orgasmed without permission.

And he looked at me with incredulity and said, “Did you just cum? Without permission?”

And i started laughing. Out loud.

Not the right emotion, but i was still technically in the midst of the orgasm, and his surprise and response made me smile… and laugh.

He smiled and said, “well, that’s all you get then! Get dressed and off to work with you!” (And he didn’t seem mad at all. But was most definitely done.)

A few hours later, i got a text, “do you feel remorse?”

i thought about it for a hot second… and… i didn’t.

So, i texted, “No Sir”

And he responded, “you should.”

i responded, “i’d agree.”

He said, “but you don’t, do you?”

i texted, “does it count that i know i should be?? 😉”

He said, “No. Expect repercussions.”

Tonight….. after watching tv for awhile, he said, “are you feeling remorse now?”

Me: not really.

Him: then it’s time. Go Assume the Position.

And i did.

And now i sit here typing …. feeling a lot more remorseful than i did a mere 30-minutes ago. My ass is red and sensitive to the touch,

And he then said, “and don’t think for a minute that this is also your maintenance. That will happen as always (on Friday morning….which is tomorrow…. approximately 12-hours from now.)”

Sure wishing i’d felt a lot more remorseful on my own accord. Maybe at the end of maintenance he will try to fist me, cuz i sure didn’t get any filled-to-the-top feelings today! But i kinda doubt it.

Hugs,

Marie

71 – 21 times to change a habit – that’s the goal!

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Most people have heard the phrase “it takes 21-days to change a habit”. Whether that’s fact or fiction remains unproven really, either way, David decided i am going to do a task this week 21-times without failing.

What is that task?

Edging. NO orgasm allowed. At least not by my hand. And i am not allowed to ask him to do it either. He may decide to touch me or allow me to orgasm on his own, but it will be at his decision and not mine.

i do NOT like edging. IT SUCKS! It sucks because it feels SOOOOO good… and yet requires absolute control. It is just Goal-oriented and not Pleasure-oriented. And absolutely NO indulging. NO losing myself in the sensations and the good vibe feelings it creates.

3 times a day for one solid week. Twenty-one times. In 7-days.

NO exceptions.

NO ability to NOT do it ….. or worse…. NO ability to go over the edge without him knowing because he is requiring every session to be either on video or in his presence. NO exceptions. At all.

He made it clear that i am truly expected to go TO-THE-EDGE….

And if it means i have to stop and restart again, just to ensure i go to the edge, i am to push my ability to GO-TO-THE-VERY-EDGE!

Twenty-one times in seven days. NO going over the edge. NO exceptions.

THIS is my GOAL for the next 7-days, 21- times. Goal-oriented. NOT pleasure-oriented.

When i asked, “what if i misjudge the edge and go over?”

i was told, “severe punishment will ensue. And then you’ll start the 21-times all over again until you accomplish this task successfully. And since you will want to orgasm pretty badly by the end, I am confident you can do this!”

(i’m certainly glad at least one of us is confident!)

Now you may be asking, “what prompted THIS?”

Ever since getting my nips pierced, i have been SO sex’d up and feeling SO turned on… that i have NEEDED Sir to allow me to orgasm. And he’s annoyed by this. Too much. i pushed his limits!

i haven’t exactly been submissive about it either. Yesterday i wore a dress and no panties… i was feeling SO needy i “conveniently” lifted my dress when he was on the couch, and my puss just happened to end up rubbing right up against his hand… and i smiled seductively and said, “do you want to use me?”

i got a big-fat- NO. And he swatted my clit and said, “you need to stop”. OUCH!… physical and mental!

And i went to bed without being touched or satisfied. Truly i thought it was done though because he didn’t act like it was anymore than that. But i was wrong.

This morning… he announced “this week we will teach you a lesson. You need to recognize that I know I can touch you anytime I want. But it is when I want, not when you want. YOU are not in control. You know this, but you don’t always show or act like it. And after yesterday’s stunt, you clearly need to learn to control your sexual desires. I love it when you dress sexy and give me serious eye candy, but I don’t like it when you push yourself on me like you did. That’s too demanding and completely unnecessary.. and clearly NOT the submissive that we both know (and love) that you are. You need to be patient and wait for me to be the one to satisfy you, at a time when it satisfies me!”

And that’s when he told me my task for the week. That my sexual needs will now be amped up at my own hand…. before my sexual needs are satisfied at the end of 7-successful days at his hand (or tongue or cock). And that’s when i’ll get to orgasm. And not until then.

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir for the discipline and showing me you love me enough to want to help me do better. i love you Sir.”

“I love you too my sweetheart. Now go be a good girl and start your first edging for the day.”

Yes Sir.

i sure hope my goal is met in JUST 7-days!

i’ll let you know just how frustrated i do indeed get this week… this will be a very long week!

Hugs,

Marie