102 – consent! Consent! CONSENT!

i feel the need to clarify —

i fully C-O-N-S-E-N-T to being spanked!

i am truly amazed at those who believe i am an abused, brainwashed, and an enslaved wife.

I …….A-M ……..N-O-T!

i want to tell you a bit about what does NOT happen ….

– i have never cried. i think this is normal though for many people in a D/s or DD relationship. i don’t know why i haven’t cried. i’m unsure if it’s not intense/hard enough, or if i am not remorseful enough, or maybe i mentally separate myself. i dunno. But if David intended time abuse me, i feel sure i’d be in a LOT of tears quite often.

– We have only ever used a belt and a paddle. While i’d love to experiment and experience some other instruments (tawse, crop, whip, etc), we haven’t. i bought a Loopy John, (here’s a pic….)

and David thought it looked interesting so he swatted at my butt one time right after it came in the mail… with my clothes on. And when i yelped, he asked to see my rear end. It left a mark, he apologized/felt bad (!), and while temporary and was gone in a few hours, David says he will never use it again. If he wanted to abuse me, he would have kept on with it!

– David has only once has it left welts on my rear. To which, at the time it happened, i was pretty surprised as i didn’t think the paddle was used enough to create that result. And David was too!

One time, i didn’t want to continue with the spanking and i stood up and refused to let it continue. David through up his hands and while we got into a huge fight, he did NOT continue! If i were abused or enslaved, he could’ve easily tied me down or locked me in cuffs or the room and forced me to take the spanking – it maybe at that point it would be more appropriate to call it a Beating!

– He has NEVER broke anything – mentally or physically on me or our home. If he was an out-of-control Dominant, he could easily do these things (He’s a big guy!) He has no desire to use brute strength to force me to do anything!

– All of everything we do (DD; D/s) has been MY idea from the start! i had to talk him into it. While he sees it works now, it took me the better part of 2-years to convince him to lay a hand (or belt or paddle) on me. And he ONLY does it when he’s calm. NEVER from a place of anger or frustration, which he could easily do!

In the end – i want you to know this is CONSENSUAL in every-single-way! i may be submissive but i have a voice and i am quite capable of speaking my mind! And when i do it with respect and in a calm tone, he hears me loud and clear. And it always results in me getting what i want, need, or deserve.

So please know: i am NOT abused, enslaved, or otherwise brainwashed into this! If anything, David has been brainwashed to my way of thinking!! ☺️. Lol!

But in the end – this works for us! It resolves difficulties and differences quickly and super easily. It keeps respect, truth, and loyalty in our marriage too.

Oh – and – if you think i am crazy, well, i’ve already said…. i just might be!

i would hug you in person and tell you this with my voice if that were possible, but in the meantime – accept my virtual hugs – and trust that i am OK! Actually – scratch that – i am MORE than ok ….. i am happy, thriving, loving life and couldn’t be happier in and with my marriage!




  1. I completely understand, Marie! A lot of people have trouble understanding that a submissive wife might desire her husband’s correction (when she deserves it!). I deserve it often. I do notice a subtle difference in when I request a spanking (as stress relief or just for fun), and when my husband spanks me because he believes I need discipline. The discipline spankings sometimes make me cry and I think that is because of the remorse that I feel.

  2. Marie, thank you. No like thank you. “Can I buy you coffee and a gift card” thank you. Your posts although mostly for you and for your own reflection ate helping me so very much. I submit- ish. I wish to allow my.husband the respect and control DD or our version of DDlg has to offer. I know it’s hard to believe for others but I need it. My marriage needs it. For the sake of my sanity. I consent. I beg and I pray

    • Hello, thank you so much for your words. If you live or visit Tx, I’ll take you up on that coffee!! Yes, my posts are mostly self-reflection. I admit I was surprised when people started following and commenting. I know that sounds crazy, but I started this “for me”. And yet, I’m SUPER thrilled that it helps others too! So I am so happy to hear I’m not alone… I need it, and so does my marriage as well! Many hugs! Marie

  3. Marie, I have to say that I have really mixed feelings that you’re needing to write this post.

    On the one hand, it’s always good to remind those involved in the lifestyle and those who may be thinking about or on the outside, that submissives consent to every aspect of their dynamic. That’s what makes a healthy D/s relationship. It’s also a reminder that if consent isn’t there the relationship is no longer safe and submissives do have the right to leave and/or say no.

    On the other hand, it strikes a chord with me that someone is reading your blog and imposing their judgment on your lifestyle choices cloaking it in concern. It hits a place of serious kink shaming and wondering why the person is reading your blog given the stated nature of your blog. Seeking to understand why one chooses a particular path is very different than judging one’s chosen path.

    In every post that you write you express how happy you are and that you have chosen this path with David. You talk about your kinky desires and how that aspect of your relationship grows. You share your love and respect for one another.

      • You’re so welcome, Marie! ♥ I had to sit with my response for a few minutes to figure out exactly what I was bothered by. It just sit wrong. I’m so glad you got the reassurance you needed. 🙂 Always happy to help.

        I got that same validation today, too. Different issues, but that same feeling of having someone validate my feelings and reassure me that I’m right and to proceed. I even got some serious help out of it, too. I”m talking about my house issues. I’m pressing criminal charges against the trustee.

  4. Gosh, I still haven’t commented on a couple of posts ago, as I have intended, but since I am that far behind I will start here and see what the next couple of days brings. LOL

    I am with Succulent Savage on this one. I remember someone I was chatting with who told me she couldn’t read all of my posts ( on my other blog, Barney Married Wilma) because it was ‘too much’ for her ( the physicality of it I suppose). It struck me as odd because I actually don’t write much about what exactly B does to me. And in the post she was referring to, it really was TO me. That being said the post was more about how it affected me in the long run ( in a good way). During the years and years I have been blogging, that was the first time someone had thought he had done too much. I had heard others ‘defend’ their Doms and much like reading your blog, have often thought, what is there to defend?

    Dd D/s and how it is done is very subjective. What is also subjective is pain. Where you may be thrashing about in one scenario another may not and vice versa. Because of this no one has any leg to stand on when it comes to judging what tools and how they are used in any other dynamic. The key here is consent.

    In fact in our dynamic we practice non consensual-consent ( for those not in the know, I have given B my consent to punish even if I am not in a co operative mood). Has it happened? I few times. Did it work? More than most other punishments. In addition he HAS punished me when he is angry, very angry. And those punishments have felt the most real out of any of them. Now that being said, he hasn’t punished me when he was raging mad, and out of control. But let me tell you, an angry husband is a verrrry effective tool to believing he is serious about an infraction, whatever it may be.

    Welts, I’ve had them. Broken skin…yup that too . Blisters, yup, Swollen Ass…you bet. Broken implements ( really not over rage but over use) yup. Has he held me down and walloped me? Oh yes. ( By the way underwear rip, the elastic around the leg, not so much *wink*). He refers to many resets and punishments as ‘beatings’ ( though I have to admit when a friend first started using that word with us, B was taken aback. It was easier for him to say spanking…he’s over it LOL). Why am I mentioning this? Well your post mentions that David has never done any of those things, or the results have not been like that- and for you that is your benchmark. Years ago that would have been mind too, probably. As time went on, things evolve. What didn’t change however was the fact that have given consent and TRUST to my husband. What happens between us is more than alright with both of us. He does not feel guilty for his methods, and I am not afraid of him because of them either.

    It still surprises me to this day that people in a marginalize community continue to judge ( even if it wrapped up in a concern package) the way others decide to live their lives. It surprises me further that they can read your blog and not get the tone you intend.

    Oh well, hope you didn’t get taken aback too much by their concerns. There are many of us out here that truly understand, and maybe some day they will do, they just aren’t there yet.


    • I’m glad my true and full intentions are coming through on my posts. I like the way you responded here and told me some of how your world is too. I wouldn’t mind having some of the “next level” of submission, the way you have, in our relationship. And like you said, maybe in another year(s) we will and maybe we will grow into it. Thank you for the reassurance. I probably needed it! Marie.

  5. Many people just don’t understand that we CHOOSE to submit to our husbands, and not that they have DEMANDED it from us. It’s a mutual decision to enter a D/s relationship, but unfortunately there’s still too much of a taboo resting on it. You know what you’re doing is right for you and your husband, and let people say what they want to say. Hugs to you!
    ~ Marie

  6. The fact that you felt you needed to write this post is unfortunate. It means you are getting comments from people who do not understand your dynamic. This is too bad! But you have clearly stated your position here. There should be no misunderstandings now!

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