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239 – My collar(s)

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 239 – My collar(s)

i have a collar. In fact, i have three. Besides the Hidden in Plain Sight post, i’m not even sure i have ever even talked about it. In the past though, it has been the featured picture on my entire blog, so it is possible you’ve seen it.

My primary collar is one that i’d say is a mix of function and fashion. It is the one in the featured pic here. i can – and do – wear it daily or sometimes not at all. But it can also be functional too. It is strong and thick enough that David can pull on it to lead/direct me where he wants me to be or go. Of course, he rarely uses it for that, but he can and he has.

Sir has never said (or required) that i wear it at any particular times or days. i typically wear it when i need something tangible/physical, to remind me of my (consensual, by choice) submissiveness.

David loves it when i wear it, and he doesn’t usually miss it when i do. He usually makes some sort of nod to it. i think when he sees it, it becomes a tangible reminder for him as well as me, of the commitment to this D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship with DD (Domestic Discipline) that we both love.

i have had this functional, yet stylish, collar for 2-3 years now. After we were living the lifestyle for awhile, i asked David to get me a collar to recognize the commitment. And then he surprised me with it.

i happen to think he didn’t really think much of it at the time actually though. He didn’t make a big deal about the delivery of it either. So we didn’t have some big ceremony, like what i have read others do. Some of what i have read seems like it’s almost a wedding ceremony of sorts, and while that’s cool, it’s not what we did. David gave it to me over dinner and that was that.

Over time though, he’s come to love it because he’s realized how much i love it. He sees the response it generates in me and by extension, then to him as well.

It means a lot to me. It is a tangible reminder for each of us. For me, it reminds me of the transfer of power that i willingly handed over to David, causing me to be pliable and willing to submit. And for David, while he doesn’t think of me (literally) as a dog, a dog does indeed wear a collar so that you can keep it. You put a collar on an animal that you don’t want lost. One that you want to claim. David has ultimately claimed me in that same way!

i want to be submissive all the time, but sometimes i am not as submissive as i want to be for so many various reasons. And when i feel my collar on my neck, it is a tangible reminder of what i want to be and how i want to act.

It means a lot to me. It brings me comfort when i need it. And i really need it (the collar and the comfort) especially when i want to be reminded of my submissiveness.

i have done a lot of research on collars as of late, somwhat out of curiosity really. …………

What do other subs collars look like? (Lots of variety!)

Are they all with a lock, or a “O” ring? (No, not all, but most seem to.)

Is there any official standard required? (Doesn’t seem to be any standard. Some collar pics i found just looked like regular jewelry and it made me wonder “what’s the point,” but it was their version and that’s understandable.)

How “nice” are they….. are they all just jewelry or function? (Both. Some are pure jewelry and look almost dainty/breakable, some look like chains and function and fashion, and some are just quite literally a Dog collar for function only).

Do people actually wear a DOG collar sometimes too? (YES. Dog collars are really used by Doms and worn by subs. It doesn’t seem that the sub wears these outside of sex and/or their house, but maybe they do that too.)

Do people wear them 24-7? (Some do, yes. Some are (fairly) permanently attached with a strong metal and lock/key, that the Dom has the only key. i don’t know how prevalent this is, compared to”occasional wear.”)

Do people have just ONE collar or many? (While i couldn’t tell for sure, it seems many people have more than one, especially if they actually have a dog collar for sex/home play. One would be purely for function then, whereas another may be for wear outside the house.)

SO WHAT DOES MINE LOOK LIKE, WHAT ARE MY RULES, WHAT DO WE DO?

Well, as previously mentioned, i don’t wear it all the time nor am I required to. i happen to think that being “made” to wear it (or being made to do anything really) is more about a slave dynamic than a submissive dynamic. i think that’s a lot of what the difference between sub and slave is…. Being able to have choices. Not just about a collar wearing, but anything at all. And i have choices, and do not consider myself a slave. But i digress…..

i do not wear a dog collar.

The collar in the picture is the primary collar i have and wear, which serves for both fashion and function as previously mentioned. i also have two choker collars. They are pure fashion. One has silver and one has gold on it, so that i can alternate between outfits as needed.

While i do not have a picture of me wearing mine, this picture is pretty similar to what i have …..

While i do not have any rules about when or where to wear it, when i do wear it, it helps me to feel more submissive as it is a visible and tangible reminder of who i most want to be, who i most want to please, and how i most should act.

While i don’t have a dog collar, what i said above is true… you put a collar (or leash) on something you want to keep and not allow to get lost.

I pray i am never lost. And if i do become lost, i am found and claimed once again by David.

^^^^ UPDATE: i wrote everything above this line months ago. But i never finished this post so of course, i also never published it. i haven’t a clue why… probably ran out of time, ideas of where or how to finish it, didn’t have focus that day…. Not sure. Either way, it sat in my “drafts” section until now.

The last sentence i wrote about never being lost…. That is essentially what’s happened in our D/s relationship in 2022 until relatively recently… we have been lost.

David wasn’t dominant, wasn’t enforcing rules, and didn’t care to be in the role-play acting mode that i now think i was basically trying thrust him into. That was the difference for us, in that i wasn’t role playing at being submissive but i kinda think he was at being Dominant. And after awhile, he grew tired of the constant pretending to be the “character i portray on stage in my daily life.”

But now…. As i have recently been starting to tell you…. He’s changing and so am i! He’s coming alive and into his own (best!) version of the dominant man i always knew was there and to whom i submit to.

And as he changes, so am i. i am learning to truly submit, not just when I want to. i am learning to NOT top-from-the-bottom or tell him how to do his job best. In the process, i am truly learning how to be the submissive wife he wants/needs and not the submissive wife i think he should have!

We are becoming the best versions of ourselves and i am embracing this evolving process. (The changes aren’t that many or different, and I will likely tell you more about this in a future post… but instead the changes are rather slight and yet, exactly what we need!)

Hugs,

Marie

234 – Long term Chastity

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 234 – Long term Chastity

i have written before about chastity belts. i own a (cheap Chinese) chastity belt, but as it is cheap, it has quickly deteriorated and seen better days. The old adage of “you get what you pay for” is oh-so applicable here.

i have eyed the more expensive, more permanent, ones for a long while.

My opinion of why i want one has not changed. i wrote about it before, where my primary thought about it’s best use and reason to wear it is to protect or lock up what’s valuable. i have not wavered in this thought.

As i mentioned before, but feel it worthy of repeating….. you lock up things that matter. Things that are important. That you don’t want to be lost, stolen, or taken.

My submissive pussy is important and worthy of physically being locked up to be used by only my Sir at his leisure and no one else’s… including and maybe especially my own lust and desire!

The good chastity belts are NOT cheap at all. In part because they are custom made to fit, as a result no two are exactly alike, causing the price to match the workmanship.

i asked Sir if i could purchase one almost a year ago. i think he underestimated my desire to have it. That was when we got a cheap Chinese one instead. That was a good compromise because the cost was “just enough” for the cheap one that if i decided i did not like it, it wasn’t a huge investment. On the other hand, if i decided i did like it, i would truly know what i was spending (a lot of) money on before getting that deep into it. And either way, what was spent on the cheap one was a good investment to learn from.

Recently i asked him again if i could buy the expensive, custom fit one. At the time i asked him, his response was nonchalant and was a “I’ll think about it.”

Well…. today he said Y-E-S!

On some sane (or maybe insane?) level, i think i should rather NOT want one of these belts. While i definitely believe what i said before about locking up valuables, it seems a bit insane to volunteer (let alone ASK!!) to have my most private parts be locked under a key that only David holds.

i may be insane. i don’t know. Or maybe i do know, but don’t want to admit it.

What i do know and am willing to admit is that my sex is so turned on most of the time. And as such, i am tempted to play with myself a lot. while i wish i could tell you it was “just” a temptation, frequently, it is not. Frequently i find pleasure in touching myself to the point of orgasm. And sometimes more than once a day!

In my previous experiences with the cheap Chinese belt, the desire to be touched to the point of orgasm, was exponentially heightened when locked up. i was sexually frustrated virtually 24/7, to the point of mental craziness quite frequently. It was ok though as it led to two things: 1) a tangible reminder that it isn’t mine to play with, 2) even more desire to please and to have sex with David. Both great side effects of the situation!

None of the personal touching was supposed to be happening anyway but it did. And a chastity belt is a sure fire way to take that option away!

i love the way it hugs my body and gives that secure feeling! i love the idea of having all control of my own body taken away from me and given to the one who holds the key!

The biggest problem i experienced before was hygiene and keeping clean. i learned a lot of ways to keep clean before, but now i have found a lot more online (with a whole lot of deeeeppppp searching!) that i am anxious to try out in efforts to do better here too.

The most interesting thing i found is that the best way to stay clean is to take showers or baths while being sure to clean/rinse as throughly as possible. While the lock itself is not that water proof and needs to be cared for, that’s the only part that can’t get (fully) wet in the shower.

Further, i found some sites where women (and/or men) are locked up for long periods of time. One lady’s site i found, she was locked for a full year. And her husband took her out, made love to her, she cleaned up, and was relocked. i have to believe she was able to take it off for a thorough cleaning at least (say) once a week, but she did not mention that specifically either.

i think i would like to ultimately be locked during the week; from Mon-Fri. And be unlocked on Sat-Sun.

We have traditionally not had time for sexual activities during the week, but can make up for it on the weekend. Additionally, weekdays are when i am away from David the most. It will take time to build up to this level of chastity, but this is what would like to see. We shall wait to see what actually happens though too!

After a lot of searching for the right one… i have made a decision. And it is going to be on order soon. It will likely take 6-12 weeks to arrive, but it will be worth the wait!

i am super excited while at the exact same time feeling super insane… or maybe it’s the most sane thing i have done in awhile… giving myself to David completely is what i have always desired. This seems like the best way to do just that! But again, that may be the insanity side talking!

Which belt you ask? Well… i will tell you when it comes in. Or better yet, i will show you… with a pic of it. But… you’ll have to wait. Just like me. 😉

Hugs,

Marie

232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

i mentioned in the last post about Topping-from-the-Bottom. i want to talk more about that now…

First, what is it?

Next, why would anyone do it?

Last, why did i do it?

So let’s start with “what is it?”

Pure and simple, it is a submissive (a bottom) telling a a dominant (a top) how to do their job. Think of it like “a backseat driver”, where the sub isn’t driving but tells the Dom, who is driving, how to do it.

And why would anyone do it?

Well, i never set out to do it. i seriously doubt any submissive does. It just did. It just happened. To a large degree, it happened subconsciously actually. And even when i did realize it, i justified it.

i said stuff like, “how else would he know how i feel if i don’t tell him?” And “he doesn’t know my limits or what i like or don’t, if i don’t speak up.”

While those things are absolutely true, the problem comes when i stop telling him how i feel or about what i like (or don’t like), and begin telling him what he should do or not do with that information.

While not trying to justify it at all, i’d tell you that the latter part (telling him what to do or not), just came as a side effect of the first part. First i would say “i would like xyz.” Then it expanded into, “you know, you could do that right now.” And further moved into, “if you want to see how i will respond, let’s do it now and we can test how far it can go.” And ultimately ended with, “that was nice… let’s do it again tomorrow.” So in effect, i ended up telling him how to do his job, instead of letting him decide what to do (if anything) with that information.

So while it was a suggestion of what he should do, it ended up being more of a command or an order too!

Exactly why did i do it?

Well, as i said before, it was unintentional. i thought since this whole D/s relationship with DD was my idea, that i should tell him about some of the things he could or should do, how to keep me in line, and how to be Dominant. What i didn’t really stop to think about was that maybe he has ideas of his own, and my ideas are … well… irrelevant.

B-U-T …. Now…… things have to change….

This morning, i played out an entire scenario in my head. In the past, i would have acted on it and told David. Today though, i am opting to tell you instead of him. Because while i want to break myself of the nasty habit of being a topper, i need to tell someone what i’d love to tell him! Tag, you are IT!

So yesterday i told you that i told him about how i will always be his submissive wife, regardless if he is my Dominant husband or just my Vanilla husband. His response was a bit of surprise, and then it seemed he forgot about it. i somehow doubt he did actually forget, but he didn’t outwardly tell me he was still thinking about it either.

So as i was dressing this morning, i “imagined” a scenario that i really wanted to happen.

i really wanted him to hold me accountable. i wanted to tell him to hold me accountable. But i did not. i know i can’t. i know if or when the time is right, he will act on his own free will.

But if i could telepathically send subliminal messages to him… i just may try!

It all started as i was drying my hair. In the nude. Like i do daily already. i get my hair all done and set. Then i dress.

i went to the closet and picked a dress. i did not put on a bra, as i (mostly) never do. But i did put on a thong pair of panties, which i know he does not care for.

That’s when i started to dream up what could happen next…..

i imagined him coming into the bathroom and pulling my dress up, to feel what belongs to him, and finding it covered with panties. And him saying, “So being my submissive wife doesn’t include panties. Right?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then why am I finding these here?”

“i didn’t think you’d notice…. [or care enough to go looking…. And if you did look, you wouldn’t call me out on it.]”

“While you may think I don’t care, you would be wrong. Go lie on the bed and get into position. It’s been a very long time and way overdue, but you do indeed need to be reminded about what a good submissive for me looks like,” he said [in my thoughts].

He continued, “Don’t take anything off, including the shoes. Just get into position and I’ll do the rest.”

i heard the drawer opening. i knew the paddle was being pulled out. It hasn’t left it’s space in so many months, i was equal parts fearful of the pain i was about to feel and excited about being reacquainted with it.

He pulled my dress up over my ass and flopped it onto my back, partially covering my head. He laid the paddle on my ass, even with the thong still on and lying between me and the paddle.

In continuous and smooth succession motions, he proceeded to deliver 10-tight, hard, and intentional swats to my ass. While my ass was so quickly feeling the sting, i think it was the shock to my mind that was more intense than the physical spanking was. When he was done, he laid the paddle back on my ass and told me not to move. i was grateful to be able to lay there another minute and just breathe. Just take it all in.

He went to the bathroom, i heard drawers opening and closing, and he returned. He said, “up on all 4’s now. Spread your legs and let me see your ass.”

i did as i was told. That’s when i felt his finger loop underneath my thong panties and pull them to the side, and the tip of the anal plug press at that opening.

He asked me, “are you really ready to renter the world of submission?”

i told him, “i have never left Sir.”

And in one swift motion, he pressed the plug all the way in deep. And i heard him speak a single word, “Good!” as he did pressed it in place.

i haven’t worn a plug in as many months either, so it was a tight fit. He let go of my panties, threw my dress back down into place, and sat me upright. His hand came to my chin and said, “that’s my good girl. Remember who you belong to. And this time, don’t tell me how to do my job. Off you go to work now!”

When i smiled at him, he smiled back and leaned in and kissed me.

All was right in my world…..

Screechhhhhhh………

Until i realized or came to terms with the fact that all that was in my head and none of that was reality.

Instead, i finished getting dressed and packed up to leave for work. As i was heading out the door, i greeted him and said i was off to work, and he said, “have a great day. I love you!”

i know he does. And because i also love him, i told him so, but i didn’t tell him anything about my fantasy imagination of what may-have-been this morning. (In the past i would have!).

So at this moment, he has no idea of what is (or not) on my body under this dress. He has no idea that i am braless, as he desires. But that i do have a thong on, as the way he does NOT desire. While i did not wear a plug to work, he doesn’t know i even thought about it. He doesn’t know what went on in my head today. And i won’t tell him either, unless of course, he asks…… Which, unless my telepathic connection improves dramatically, is not too likely either.

One day at a time. Letting him be him and me be me is where i need to rest and allow it to unfold as it should…. Not as i want it to be.

And maybe one day, i won’t be a top-from-the -bottom submissive but just a submissive. And he will be a top-as-he-wants-to Dom – vanilla or otherwise! Until then, my fantasies will continue in my head and on this blog….

(No, i am not upset about any of this being my current reality…. Life is too short to feel sad/guilt/sorrow. i enjoy it as it comes, and you should too! And while i can’t deny that i would much prefer to be on the same page with David – in a D/s relationship – forcing it only goes so far and only works for so long. Time will tell where this goes, but what i do know is we have been together for 25+ years at this point and that will continue!)

Hugs,

Marie

231 – Can’t force it. Just let it be.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 231 – Can’t force it. Just let it be.

Sometimes you learn exactly what you are, and exactly how to act, and exactly why you do what you do. And sometimes that happens all on your own.

That’s what’s happened to me.

While i have been incredibly happy to submit, for years now, i know that David has not always been so receptive. In fact, sometimes if it weren’t for me FORCING our relationship into the box i wanted it to be (one of D/s or DD), D/s wouldn’t be a thing for us.

Don’t misunderstand, he has loved my submissiveness. He just hasn’t always liked the Dominant role i thrust him into.

In times where i have been absent from this blog is primarily the same times that i have given up on the whole idea and thought, “This is dumb!” The “Whole idea” being both about D/s AND this blog.

In times where we have been spot-on and doing/living the D/s dynamic, we are great. We are alive with newness and excitement, and we never fight. Because we don’t need to fight. Because we are exactly aligned. Which is exactly why i love the dynamic and living it too.

But if it’s forced, it’s not good.

i decided with the new year for 2022, i just wouldn’t. i wouldn’t fight for it or force it or try to make it to happen in any way. i haven’t pressured David to do what HE doesn’t want to, or that HE didn’t initiate.

While we’ve had a good 2022 in these many months, it’s been almost exclusively with a vanilla/normal relationship. It was as if the D/s dynamic just faded away until its just nothing more than a memory to talk about in a nostalgic way… like “remember when we used to….” type way.

The fact he doesn’t ever bring it up or talk about it, let alone act on it, and has told me that he’s just not that into it. So i have let it drop. Mostly.

It saddens me to NOT have it, but it is what it is. i can’t be submissive and force him to be a Dominate at the same time. He isn’t a puppet to just merely act the part that i have written the script for.

But i know who i am. And i am submissive.

To Him.

Only.

i have tried to pretend its not me, that it’s not who i am. i have tried to forget about it too, and act “normal”. But. i can’t. i can’t forget. And i realize MY normal is being a submissive.

i have come to realize all this all on my own. i can’t change him into what i want. He has to want it. But likewise, he can’t change me into what he wants me to be either.

What i know without a doubt = i am His submissive.

And i have decided to start acting it more than talking about it. i have also decided to stop trying to force him to act like he’s my Dom too. If or when he wants to, he will have an open door.

i decided to tell him all this today, much in the same way i just told you. i think it surprised him as i think he has assumed i was over it. i think he thought it was a fad for me. And now that we haven’t done it (lived or forced it to happen) for many months now, it was a long-ago-forgotten memory.

i don’t know what this means or how it will play out exactly. But what i do know is that he’s always been and always will be my Sir. And i will acknowledge and show him the respect that entails for as long as i live.

Maybe one day he will want to be my Dom all on his own too. In the meantime, i won’t force it, demand it, or try to just get it to happen. i will be the submissive wife i have proclaimed to be. And let the rest all be what it will be.

i don’t know what that means for this blog either. i will probably be here telling you about me and my side of the story, but … that’s pretty much what i have already done for more than 2-years too! So … probably no real changes there. Ha!

For the first time ever though, i am going to absolutely refuse to top-from-the-bottom now…. i always knew i was kind of doing this, but now i know it’s not ok.

i will say prayers that David decides to be my Dominant Husband, and not just my Vanilla Husband. But either way, i will be his submissive.

Hugs,

Marie

230 – Sir. SIR. SIR! And….. S-I-R!

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 230 – Sir. SIR. SIR! And….. S-I-R!

Sometimes rules must be tailored to be a good fit for our relationship. Sometimes the fit is just perfect, but needs to be refreshed.

Saying “Sir” is one of those things for us! It is absolutely something that fits, but it is in need of refreshment.

Yet, somehow, over the years i have not always said it, nor has David always expected it. Or maybe he has always expected it, but never enforced it. i’m not entirely sure which.

Let me go back a minute and remind you (and myself) why i say Sir at all anyway…..

When i decided to look up the word’s definition, i found this:

Do you see the first sentence there? Used as a “respectful way of addressing a man, especially one in a position of authority.”

Sir is a term used a fair bit in the bdsm and d/s lifestyles and is used to refer to one’s dominant. The term is used to reference the power exchange, or imbalance as some would say, and it is there as well to denote a level of respect.

David is absolutely in a position of authority in my life. And he has every bit of power in our relationship. As well, i have said before there are times where i need to have a physical or tangible reminder of my submission (and his dominance). When i speak the word “Sir” it is a verbal word that also serves as a reminder for myself. So it seems that the word SIR is applicable in every way!

Me saying Sir has not been a new thing for us either. Saying Sir has been a thing for a longggggg time now. It was one of the first things we negotiated and one of the first things i ever wrote about.

Unfortunately though, when something isn’t spoken aloud (or enforced), it’s hard to know if the other even cares about it. And if it doesn’t seem important, pretty soon the habit is dropped. And pretty soon after that, it becomes a non-event altogether. i’d say this is true of anything in life really.

Anytime something isn’t practiced, it’s forgotten, which is pretty much the source of the phrase “use it or lose it.” You could pretty much say i lost it…. The muscle memory to say “Sir” has not been too much of a thing for us as of late.

Oh i have said it. Just not frequently. i have said it when i felt like it, but i wouldn’t say it was altogether frequently either. i have used it more like a treat or an extra special event. He hasn’t brought attention to its use or rather i should say lack of it’s use is more like it!

But that is changing now. The last couple of days, he has absolutely let me know in a passive-aggressive way but meant to make an impression all the same too, that saying SIR is something i should be doing far more than ithat have been.

Like today, he asked me a question and i just said, “no”. To which he said, “No….. what?!” and of course i knew he wanted the “Sir” and i spoke it aloud immediately.

And yesterday after i thanked him for helping me with something, he said, “want to say that properly?”

So i said, “thank you Sir.”

While he hasn’t exactly said that what i say (without Sir) was wrong, through that passive-aggressive way he’s now used, i know he thinks it is an incomplete response too.

The opposite has been true though too. When i get it right (and use the word Sir), he has made no comment about it, doesn’t praise it, or otherwise really make mention of it.

i think that’s because it is expected. Like anything expected, it doesn’t give rise to an occasion worthy of mention. For example, taking a shower or getting dressed or going to work or cooking dinner. Those are all normal activities. Those activities aren’t things that are specifically talked about or praised. Can you imagine saying, “oh good girl! You went to work today!” ? Uhm… no.

Using the same thought process, Sir has not said anything like, “oh wonderful Marie, you used the word Sir.” it just hasn’t been talked about.

Unfortunately i mistakenly assumed his lack of discussion about it as indication that it did not matter to him. Of course, his lack of punishment for NOT using it seemed to also give indication that he didn’t care about its use either. But again, i mistakenly assumed he did not care.

Today though, when he corrected me, i decided to ask about it. i told him much of what I have said here. i specifically said that i didn’t think he cared (anymore) about it as he hadn’t said anything about it until (of course) the most recent days.

To which he responded with one sentence, “The next time I have to correct you, your butt will feel it.”

“Yes SIR. Understood SIR.”

So while it may have been along time ago now that he first told me to use it, the applicability is still very much appropriate!

And because I never took exception to it in the first place, but rather simply grew lazy about it, i will use it frequently again as i have NO desire to feel the cane anytime too soon… or even later!

Of course, easier said than done. As even this first day has moved onward, David asked me to help in the kitchen and i said, “ok” and forgot the word S-I-R. i am fairly sure he didn’t hear me respond though, so i was “safe” for now. But i really have to stay in the moment for awhile and be intentional about this… at least until it becomes a regular thing again and the muscle memory is committed to memory again!

Hugs,

Marie