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Tag: submissive wife

95 – Am i crazy? i just might be!

So the question of the day is: how does it “FEEL” to be submissive? (And … “am i crazy?”)

Let’s start by defining submissive…. “ready to conform to the will of another; obedient; passive, compliant, agreeable.”

MENTAL: being submissive starts with a state of mind. It is an action. To be obedient and passive is a choice. It is an intentional choice to be compliant and agreeable. It’s not something done to me, but something i choose to do.

Why do i chose to be submissive? Mostly… because i can. And it feels good. It feels good to agree with Sir, to let him be responsible – take charge – and for me to let go. And … to know that all i really have to do is……. just agree. i don’t have to be in charge of everything. i don’t have to be “right” either. i am even ok with being right and not getting recognition for it too.

i feel “free” when i don’t have responsibility to do anything… except for whatever makes him happy. Or whatever he tells you to. Or whatever keeps happiness between us.

PHYSICAL: Like most things in life for all of us, when i do good… i get rewarded. And when i don’t, well… i don’t. So in a D/s marriage, that typically means things along a sexual nature but not always. So i get to orgasm, get him to orgasm, have sex, and spend time with Sir… when i am a good girl. But when i am not…. that typically means spanked ass, denial, or loss of privileges.

And i dare say most (non D/s) marriages don’t have as much sexual energy and interactions as ours.

And even for the non-sexual activities, i still submit. Why? Again, because it’s agreeable. And so it works. Is there really any tv shows that i really want to see and therefore must be in control of the remote? And do i really need to have Mexican food for dinner instead of Chinese? No. i don’t.

So when i submit …. i feel good. And i get to look and feel sexy to my husband, which leads to orgasm. And when i don’t, i stand in the corner, get my ass turned red, or go to bed early.

MENTAL: But if i were to look in from the outside most people would think my marriage, viewpoints, and lifestyle is over the top outrageous… which would make me certifiably C-R-A-Z-Y! They’d probably question how much is (truly) consensual too…. because (they would say) that no one volunteers for the things that i – not only encourage – but actually ask for!

Right?!?!

C-R-AZ-Y. It feels like i am crazy sometimes. Insane. Officially over the edge. Commit me now. i truly do legitimately wonder this…. am i crazy to want this in my life and marriage? i probably am, depending on who you ask. Let me explain further.

So it is absolutely true that my lifestyle is nowhere near what mainstream would deem acceptable or appropriate or normal.

Okay, let’s go with that. Great. Ok. i am willing to own it….. we are not “normal”. At least not “normal” according to a mainstream definition of it anyway. Maybe i would argue that maybe mainstream isn’t right. At least as it relates to marriage. At the rate of divorce, i don’t know that i think that the “normal” definition and way of doing things for a marriage is the “right” way. i mean, seriously, if the “normal” way of marriage was SO great and the “right way,” then why do so many of them fail?

And you know what? i am O-K with that… bring abnormal. Why?

Well…. we have a GOOD marriage. i might dare say GREAT. Because we are completely together. We are completely committed. And i have NO doubt we will stay this way. In a D/s relationship with DD as a way to deal with disagreements. And doing it in a crazy way!

i guess what i’m driving at is … maybe i AM crazy. And maybe our marriage is abnormal. But for me, i’ll just embrace this crazy abnormal marriage and be happy in it.

Because while i do crazy things like pierce my nipples, wear chastity belts or an anal plug out in public, and get my ass spanked every Friday morning to reinforce the ways we like to do things ….it is all ultimately under my clothes …. the ones that are completely “normal” and accepted by society’s mainstream.

So how does it feel to be submissive? Crazy. Abnormal. Obedient. And that can sometimes lead to blissful orgasms… or blistered asses.

And i am OK with it all!

Hugs,

Marie

93 – We have a Plan B.

Plan A: i don’t have many rules. But the ones i do have are supposed to be solid and respected. The rule i can’t get through my head and to adhere (totally) to is self-imposed chastity. i am not allowed to touch myself or orgasm without permission.

The problem: i am wayyyy too tempted.

The solution: Chastity belt.

But that created a secondary problem. For me to have my access limited, also limits Sir’s access!

i have quickly figured out that David likes his “easy access” …. hence no panties rule. And while he’s never required dresses/ skirts, he most definitely prefers them too! While i’ve always known this about him, i wasn’t too sure which was more important….. my lack of access or his ability to have it. And it seemed impossible to serve both.

We weren’t sure exactly how chastity would ultimately fit into our lives. David was clear he didn’t want it to be indefinitely but otherwise, nothing was set.

It was a bit unclear, i think to both of us, how it could be effectively used but NOT be indefinite too.

So how does chastity keep me from access while allowing him access? THAT was the ultimate, underlying question.

Insert: Plan B!

And as of today…. we have a solution! The a plan B solution will work!

i have realized for awhile now that i get most turned on in the mornings. i wake up thinking about sex. And then i shower – touching and fondling my breasts, my pussy, and my ass to clean it, then get out and dry them off, and then see them in the mirror – and it all causes the arousal to grow even more intense!

While i never say no to sex or his access when he wants it, i really don’t feel naturally horny most any other time of the day. And while i know i have to ask permission to masturbate and cum, by the time i am ready to ask, David is typically on his way out the door. So frequently i end up asking via text after he’s already gone too!

Well, about a month ago, he said, “if you don’t ask in person, in words, out loud, to my face…. the answer is no. You don’t get to be a wimp and hide behind your phone.”

And i more or less shrugged that off and ignored it. And have kept asking. Yesterday though, he put his foot down and said, “I told you no more texting. I meant it!”

So we were talking about this. And have come up with an acceptable solution……..

Instead of me waking up to a cup of coffee on the couch, i will now wake up and go straight to the shower. And by doing this straight away, Sir will still be home of course.

When i am done, if i ask (in person and out loud), and the answer is yes – then great. i get to cum!

But if i ask and the answer is NO – i go into chastity right then and there. And it lasts until evening when i return from work …or whenever David ultimately decides …. which could be even longer if he wants to.

But knowing that i am aroused and want to touch myself – and he is needing to leave the house – leaves too much temptation to touch without permission.

And i won’t deny, i have been known to do it without permission. Because the temptation is simply overwhelming and i feel like i just NEED it, i do sometimes TAKE it.

But if i am locked right away, i would would then get dressed and ready for work without being tempted to make bad decisions that i have already been told no to.

And if he wants to unlock me when i get home, he will then gain the easy access he desires.

While technically i could touch and play with myself in the shower, when he unlocks me, and overnight …. i never do. That’s not when i experience the most temptations.

The shower is the trigger to the arousal, but i never finish standing up in the shower by myself. And i am never tempted when first home because i am tired and unwinding from work, preparing for dinner, etc. then we watch tv, do family things, and by the time i lay my head down, i fall asleep pretty quickly!

So the biggest risk is for me in the morning, after Sir leaves, and i am left alone. With myself. To play.

And this solution limits that temptation while allowing him the access he desires.

Now i am fully aware that i should be able to refrain and to control myself. And most days, i can. So Plan A works! But not all days so THIS is the perfect solution…. to take away the temptation altogether! So Plan B will work when Plan A fails!

So honestly….. i love the solution!

We will start this tomorrow. i wonder if tomorrow i’ll get to play or be locked up! But i feel like i will be asking…. because i haven’t been able to ask for several days now … in person.

What’s your bet? Will tomorrow morning hold orgasm or chastity? My bet? i think it’s 50/50 odds here and i don’t like those odds enough to bet on it! But i’ll be ready for both!

Hugs,

Marie

92 – Spankings hurt! Always!

Yesterday i told you about how it feels to be in chastity and i was going to tell you about how pierced nipples feel today…. but as luck would have it, i landed myself in a punishment position so i am choosing to tell you about spankings today instead since it is quite ripe on my rear and in my brain too!

So today, i chose to talk about……

How does it feel…. to be spanked.

TODAY….

So because i got spanked just a few raw minutes ago, i am keenly aware of exactly how it feels and how to describe it with complete accuracy. But first i have to give you some background as to what happened to cause this….

i had to go to the dentist. Unlike many people, i am not at all afraid of the dentist, so this was a non-event for me. And…. my sister needed a new bed and our fav furniture store is on the way to the dentist. So i asked her if she wanted to go early enough, i’d shop with her and then i’d continue on to the dentist afterward. She agreed. (And i told David, and he was all good too). And we were off.

While there, i decided to walk around myself, which is when i spied a couch set i really liked. i had previously told David i thought ours were wearing out and maybe we could start looking for new ones so when i found a set i liked, i texted him pictures and info.

Well… then the time came to leave to head on to the dentist and i did. It seemed though that David was onboard with me buying this couch set and i was super excited. i didn’t actually buy it because we were still talking about it when i had to leave, but we both knew i would be driving right back by it on the return trip anyway.

But being excited, i was a distracted driver. And as such, i was driving along a road with many stop lights… and i didn’t even see the light…. so i absolutely did NOT see it was SUPER RED either! Until i was in the middle of the intersection and running that light as if it wasn’t even there!

It was ONLY by the Grace of God that the other drivers from the opposite direction saw me coming and stopped. While i was NOT in an accident, i was so very upset! i was shaking and my heart was racing and i thought i was even possibly going to throw up!

And i told David all about it. He was NOT happy about my lack of attention and being distracted. He was, of course, happy i was not in a second accident in less than ONE MONTH…..but still… that was only a small positive in an otherwise bad situation.

And he told me to go …….. Assume The Position.

HOW DOES IT FEEL…….

PHYSICAL: Unlike the chastity that does not hurt… spankings do!

At least, they should. And David does a great job of ensuring they do! The main purpose of them is to hurt the backside of my rear end. To prove a point. To reinforce the positive and punish the negative. It is a consequence that should NOT be desirable and should be painful as a result.

i assumed the position. Naked, bent over the bed, feet on the floor, and solid wooden paddle placed in the small of my back. And i wait.

MENTAL: Sir typically comes in about 5-10 minutes, and today he did as well. During that time, i pray. Today, i prayed, “Lord, give me the strength to accept this punishment with grace. The punishment that i know i have earned and deserve. i know you have given David the ability to lead our family well, and that i am to follow his leadership as his submissive wife. And i know that today, his leadership results in a spanking. Guide his hand and his mind throughout so he has the strength to discipline me in the way that leads to a better decisions on my part. Thank you Lord for keeping me safe from my own distraction in the car earlier, but also thank you for keeping me safe in the knowledge that you are always in control. Thank you Lord.”

PHYSICAL: He came in and picked up the paddle. And i immediately cringe as i wait to feel the first smack against my bare ass. And it does. And it STINGS! Hard! The first one always seems the worst. It’s like i forget how intense that sting is.

The paddle covers a lot of land mass due to its shear size. So when it hits, it is firm and solid. While Sir typically moves around his swings to different landing spots, there’s a lot of spots that end up being smacked multiple times. But he does move up and down and left to right. He usually only hits the same spot two or maybe three times without moving, unless he’s feeling particularly and especially like the punishment needs to be severe, which is rare.

Today was one of those rare times. He hit 4-5 times in the same spot. And each and every one stung like nobody’s business!

Do you remember when we used to roll up a kitchen towel and pop each other with it? And you’d yelp as it stung really bad? Yes! That’s the best analogy of how it feels. Only that sting isn’t just one little spot with a spanking, but ALL-over-my-ass! And repeat…. and repeat!

i try to stay bent over the bed, but it is SO hard to stay in place as the swats come as the stinging becomes ever present and vivid in my backside too. So i tend to stand upright, kinda dance around, and end up squeezing my legs and ass tight. It doesn’t help, but it is a natural response. And often, Sir will put his free hand on my back and press me back down and into place, while sometimes even saying (quite calmly), “resume your position,” but never stopping the swats intensity or frequency. If he were to stop/slow down, we both know it would achieve what i (subconsciously) was hoping for: a reprieve.

MENTAL: i don’t ever ask for Sir to stop, slow down, move around, or anything else. Because i am NOT in control!

There’s a reason i am here. i agreed to submit and obey, and i haven’t done that. At the beginning of this spanking, i prayed that the Lord help me accept this discipline with GRACE. And that He guide Sir with strength in his arm and mind to give this punishment to me properly. So i trust that David will know when to stop. And he always does. So i need to too.

i do have “safe words”, being consistent with most D/s relationships of “yellow”… slow down as i am approaching my max, and “Red” … stop now, i can’t take anymore.

i have only ever used Yellow one time, and never used Red. David intentionally got me to yellow just one time, in a maintenance spanking, to see: 1) if he could trust me that i’d actually use it, and 2) what level would trigger it so he’d have a base of knowledge for future spankings too.

Why don’t i use them more? Because i love being submissive. i love David pushing me to do more than i thought possible. To allow David to be the leader of our family that God wants him to be. To accept discipline as a part of growing in becoming a better and completely submissive wife.

PHYSICAL: David doesn’t swing with a lot of force. If i were to guess, he probably doesn’t even use 50% of his total ability to swing the paddle most of the time. He doesn’t have to. The paddle does a lot of the work for him.

If it is a maintenance spanking, which we do every Friday morning — not because i’m in trouble but as a reminder of what is expected — the spanking starts with a warm-up period. These are a lot of small swats that are with VERY little force, but encourage blood flow to the backside and “warm up” before the real spanking starts. This results in less pain/stinging and typically also lessens the chances of bruising.

But today and like every punishment spanking, there’s no warm up. He just starts in with intensity and intention. He does this to allow the full sting to hit and register in my backside and my brain both.

i don’t have to count, but sometimes i do in my head. i didn’t today, but if i were to guess, it was around 30. And believe me, i felt every-single-one!

MENTAL: As Sir spanked my ass, he asked me questions, “why were you a distracted driver?” And “was this a good example to our son?” And “do you really understand what will happen to our insurance coverage if you are in another accident?” And “what is your primary responsibility when you are behind a wheel?” And, “Did you drive in a safe way today?” And ending with ….. “Did you deserve this discipline today?” And “Have you learned your lesson?”

And he expects answers. He doesn’t pause the paddle to let me speak. He just keeps swinging and expects me to talk. And i squeak out the answers, which aren’t really necessary as we all know the answers too….(you included!)

But after i answer, he says, “so if we both know the right answers, and you didn’t act the proper way, did you deserve this spanking and discipline?”

To which i merely responded with a simple, “Yes Sir”.

And he stopped.

PHYSICAL… AND a bit of MENTAL: At the end of maintenance spankings, while i am still in position, Sir typically puts his hand between my legs and spreads them wide. And he fingers my clit, my puss, and quite frequently also my ass until i orgasm. It is a treat that doesn’t always happen, but i cherish it when it does! It is a reward for having been good, a reminder that not all spankings are discipline for bad behavior and a great ending to a maintenance spanking.

But today wasn’t about maintenance or treats, it was straight up discipline and a punishment. And those never end in rewards! Instead, he did end by standing me up, put his arms around me in a big hug, leaned down and kissed me and said, “I love you. Will this happen again?”

i said, “Thank you Sir for the discipline. No Sir, it will not happen again. And i love you also.”

PHYSICAL: The repetitive nature of hitting the same spots creates an intense sting in my ass that lasts quite awhile after the smacks end for any spanking. It causes my ass to turn red and hot to the touch. It feels a lot like a sunburn or even a burn from touching a hot pan on the stove when he’s done.

And just like a sunburn, the sting lingers for awhile but typically only several hours. It doesn’t “hurt” to sit down afterward really, but like a sunburn, it is tender to the touch so i sit quite gingerly too.

And the next day, frequently, my ass is still tender and sometimes bruised. Depending on where the bruise is exactly, it can be hard to sit down for a few days while it heals. But more often than not, there’s not a “huge” bruise covering my entire ass but rather just a “specific” spot that bruises. And that spot is different every time, and i couldn’t tell you why a spot bruised or doesn’t as there’s no real rhyme or reason to it.

MENTAL: Those bruises only last 1-2 days though and are just reminders of what landed me in that place from the start anyway. And they are physical, and NOT mental! It is a reminder to make better choices in the future, to avoid this outcome though too.

i do focus on trying to make better choices, but believe me when i tell you…. after the spanking is complete. So is the punishment. There are no lingering hatred, ill-will, bad feelings, or other negativity between us either way. We don’t bring it up again in “the next fight” (or spanking) either. It is gone and done. Forgiven. The ONLY time it is ever brought up again is if that bad-behavior is repetitive and occurs again.

Instead of ill-will, i actually APPRECIATE this discipline and way of correcting wrongs. If or today’s situation, i am grateful that THIS is ALL that has come of my bad choice to be distracted about (possible) new furniture. And that it was a darn good thing that more harm didn’t befall me and my 2nd new car in just a few months!

[Oh.. and i didn’t stop on the way home to get new couches, but we may get them later this week instead now. Maybe. i had to come home instead to have discipline administered.]

So in the end, i do accept discipline and spankings that leave my ass stinging, red, hot, and sometimes bruised…. because in many cases it is a small price to pay and….

…….because i am called to be Submissive and Obedient.

Hugs,

Marie

90 – My Shiny New Toy

The chastity belt is seemingly something that David thinks is good…. and seems to be Christmas in July for me!

While David wasn’t happy that i can’t keep my hands off my clit (causing the need for the belt), the chastity was really my idea as a solution. So i did the research, found one and ordered it. Of course, he didn’t argue or disagree, and ultimately i got his approval prior to ordering it…. so he clearly approves the idea of it.

But then…. my mind is my own worst enemy…. i wasn’t too sure when he saw it what he’d actually think. And whether this was one of MY ideas, and NOT being very submissive at all was a question in my own mind.

i guess i am one who needs reassurance. A lot of it. And when he didn’t say much about it, i just wasn’t too sure either. And i started to doubt.

But now as the day has gone on, i can tell he does like it. He told me he “liked snapping the lock in place and knowing (he) has complete control, especially when we are apart.”

Then i sent him some pictures. And he responded with “love that!”

Just now i asked him “do you have a plan for when you will release me?”

And he said, “the 31st”….. which is 2-weeks from now. i truly think he was kidding, but maybe that’s just me kidding myself.

i did say that if “you have me in it that long, you may as just make it a permanent thing.” To which he responded with, “hmmmm”.

So maybe i’ll be in it for awhile, or maybe no time at all….. i just don’t know.

But my doubt has subsided too!

And a few hours later…..

He released me. To which i was glad because the chafing did indeed start. i could tell some adjustments were needed.

In doing research, i found a lot of belts priced from $150’ish to (quite literally) $1,000+. The $150 are made in China, and like everything there, it’s made on the cheap. The $1,000+ are custom made with lotssssss of tailoring specific measurements.

The China ones are considered to be “starter” ones, and that’s what i got. So while there’s a lot of places to adjust the fit, ultimately, it is made on the cheap and (likely) to cause chafing somewhere/sometime.

So while i made adjustments and will just take time to adjust to, David definitely decided i will wear it again but not 24/7 either.

My thoughts on chastity….

To be honest, though….. i’d kinda like to try wearing it full time. i’d like to have it put back on, the key taken away, and when i want out it has to be asked for and (clearly) approved.

Why? Well, when i had it on, it was a solid (pun intended – get it – metal is solid?!? 😂🤣) reminder that i AM submissive.

And as a submissive – i am NOT in control. And i do NOT hold the key! In fact, i (literally and figuratively!) gave that key to my Sir. And not being able to touch the most private parts of myself without permission and being allowed, feels like the ultimate submission for me.

But David disagrees. And he does not want me to wear it full time. i am a bit disappointed that’s how he feels, but he DID decide this. So as such, i need to respect and appreciate and be happy in that decision! He is my Sir and i am his submissive. And no matter what he decides about anything, even though i have the ability to share my opinions (and trust me, i do!) when his opinion is one i don’t agree with, i have to respect and abide by it in the end.

Maybe this chastity thing is just my newest shiniest toy and i need to recognize thats “all” it is or might be!

So i did not sleep in chastity.

Now today….. Sunday….

Even with David saying no to full-time, with these adjustments in place, i am back in chastity now as i type this.

Going to church on this Sunday morn.

And let’s do a check –

Bra – nope.

Steel panties – yep!

i’ll just have to see how long this goes today. i kinda hope a longgggg time. Maybe overnight and into tomorrow! 😉

Hugs,

Marie