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Tag: deep thoughts

70 – insecurity and reassurance needed

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 70 – insecurity and reassurance needed

If you think i am confident in my own skin, lifestyle, and person… you are mostly right, but like everyone, sometimes doubt creeps in and i question everything. Okay, maybe not “everything”, but still.

Today was one of those days.

i reallyyyyyyy like my nipple piercings. (If you haven’t already, read this post first — > Happy Birthday to Sir).

i did both of them. It didn’t hurt nearly like i expect either during or now after. In fact, they don’t really hurt at all sometimes and i forgot i even did it. And at its worst, i’d categorize the pain at a “level 2”, so not much. But today… i doubted myself.

The pain comes and goes and when at “level 2”, the pain is a throbbing feeling. i think it is the blood flow learning to move around differently and it causes some throbbing. i know this will ease and eventually that won’t even be a thing.

But as it was throbbing, i pulled my shirt down and looked at my pierced nipples. As in, REALLY LOOKED at them. And i found fault.

Not in the piercing itself, but everything else… here were my thoughts…..

“my nipples aren’t that big, the aureolas aren’t that big. Those bar bells look stupid being so big. Why did i do this?”

“i am almost 50-years old. This was not something that someone my age should have done. Will i die with these in? What will someone think when i am 70- with these in?”

“i acted irrationally and just ‘did this’ too quickly. i didn’t even think this through. Maybe i just did it to please Sir and i don’t even know if he ‘r-e-a-l-l-y’ likes them”

TIMEOUT….. in my not-so-deep-in-my-head moments…

While some of it is true… my boobs are large (38-D) but nips and aur’s are small(er), i DID think about the piercings a LOT. i did do it for me, and yes Sir too, but not JUST him), and I DO like them and i KNOW he loves them!

But yesterday, i was my own worst enemy and lost confidence and doubted my recent actions.

i was alone at the time, and that was probably my first problem! But it was also about the time when i got a text from Sir. It said, “I just got a 90-minute massage all focused on my back. In talking with the masseuse, she pierced her nipples the same day as you.”

And then a pic of her pierced nipples came through too.

Now some of you may be wondering about his fidelity to me, why was he looking at her nips, etc. but that’s not what this post is about and i wasn’t the least bit concerned about that. i’ll address that another day.

What’s more is… i didn’t even think about the fact that he had a pic of her, that he was actually talking about mine, nothing.

What i focused on when i saw that pic was all the things that i was not. She had about the same size breasts as me, but larger nipples. And her jewelry had pink barbells, where mine is just ordinary plain silver. And i decided i liked hers more and got even more “upset” with myself in the process.

Sir had NO idea i was “in my head” at the time. He has been known to tell me, “get out of your head and join us in the real world.” And had he known what i was doing and thinking at the time, he likely would’ve said this to me.

i texted him back and said, “hers look better than mine with her larger nipples. i’ve never liked my smaller nipples and i don’t know that the piercings look as good on me as they do on her.”

He immediately wrote back, “I like yours. I have always liked yours and they look even better now with the piercings! She likes yours too. She basically said the same about yours as you did about hers.” (We took “before and after” pics of mine…..and if i get brave enough and David approves for me to ever show a pic of myself on here, i will show you…. but not now…sorry!. But he definitely must’ve showed her those pics of me).

TIMEOUT again…………

So this is where i truly sat back, rewound, and gave this whole situation more thought……..

Sir is CLEARLY …..V-E-R-Y … happy with ME…. before piercings and even more after! So much so, he is talking to a masseuse he just met, when he’s not with me, and “I” am on his mind! (i capitalized that “I” to emphasize that “I” was who he was thinking about. “I” was who he’s talking about. And “I” am who he is in love with!)

When i responded to his text, i just said, “really?” And he said, “YES. Are you doubting me?”

And i thought to myself, “No, i was actually doubting myself.”

Reassurance …. sometimes it is needed. Sometimes it comes in ways we wouldn’t expect (getting a text of another woman’s pierced nipples). Sometimes it comes when we need it most (when he talks about me to a complete stranger – Because he’s in love with ME and then tells me about it). Sometimes it’s in his touch (when he got home, while he knows he can’t touch the piercings until they are healed or it could risk infection, he instead cupped my breasts and squeezed the bottom sides and smiled big at me….. then proceeded to kiss me with passion and desire… like a “you are mine, ownership” desire.

And suddenly, i was in love with my nipples and the piercings they hold. And of course, my David. My husband, HoH, lover, and best friend!

(And btw… after the healing occurs, in about 2-months, i’ll change out the jewelry to pretty-pretty stuff…. maybe hoops that he can attach a chain from the nips to the clit…. 😋🙋‍♀️🥰😍☺️)

Hugs,

Marie

62 – Big Bang

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One small thing can have such a big impact.

On May 29, shortly after my last post, i was the middle car in a 3-car pile up. Was not my fault. And overall, i walked away but did have bangs, bumps, bruises, and a bit of trouble to recoup from. My car on the other hand… toast!

All because the girl in front of me decided at THE very last minute she had to get into the right lane to get onto the freeway. Too late. 45-mph. Cars already there. She slammed on her brakes and caused me to do the same, but the truck behind me didn’t.

“One-small-thing” being her decision to radically change her direction. Had she not been insistent on going the way she wanted to, just let off the brake, resumed her previous path… it ALL would’ve been avoided.

Which could be a deep thoughtful here in the making…. had she not changed her direction, had she just continued on… a huge accident could’ve been avoided. And now there are consequences to pay. We all pay for our decisions one way or the other. But making radical, last minute decisions is probably NOT wise and typically results in trouble. That’s pretty much my marriage in a nutshell right there. “Stay the course, do as we’ve talked about, don’t make radical unilateral decisions and changes on your own… and all is well. And if not, well… face the consequences!” Easy! Right??? 🧐🤔

So after getting hit from behind and pushed into her, i have now been feeling “old” with a banged up body.

And David has been very kind to deal with the insurance and the collision center to calculate the damage ($41k). He has dealt with it all.

And now… no maintenance, no spankings, just recovery. But will be ready to get back to “normal” too.

Miss normal. In SO many ways this 2020 year, i miss normal! 🙁

Hugs,

Marie

61 – who would volunteer?

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 61 – who would volunteer?

One question i find to be a bit silly is “do we need to have an attitude adjustment?”

When i was asked this as a kid and now as a submissive wife in a DD relationship, i know that the “attitude adjustment” is punishment…. aka: spanking.

Who would ever say, “why Y-E-S, we do need an attitude adjustment!” Let’s go get that done now!”

🧐🧐🤨🤨🤨🤔🤔🤔

i mean seriously, if you think i need an attitude adjustment.. just do it already. But maybe it was just an opportunity to change my behavior before HE decided i needed an attitude adjustment. Either way……

No. Not me.

So guess what i said today when asked that? NO. Capitalized. But not rude. Just firm.

Just curious … what do YOU say?!?!

Hugs,

Marie

DAY 4 of 30: My Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness. No Comments on DAY 4 of 30: My Submission

DAY 4 : CLUES…Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.

“In retrospect”… those are key words here. i didn’t know it at the time, but now looking back there were a few things that i would say lead up to this moment of where (and who) i am now….. so…..

The earliest memory was in elementary, on the playground at recess, we had these metal poles… think of a fire,an pole at a fire house… like that..but not nearly as tall. There were 3-poles, in a line, and we took turns shimming to the top of these piles and then sliding down.

Well, i figured out that when i got to the top, something about that metal and pole and especially at the top of it made me feel very warm between my legs… and i liked it. So i would hug the pole and not want to come down, until i was pretty much made to.

As an adult, i know that my clit had gotten stimulated and it felt reallyyyyyy good and i didn’t want it to end. But as a 6-8 year old, i was sure it was something about that pole!

So i was sexually stimulated… in public… at a very young age… and i liked it!

Then sometime around 12’ish, in the late 80’s… i went to my dad’s house for a few weeks in the summer and found dirty magazines. i was absolutely fascinated by a series of photos of a woman shaving another woman’s pubic hair. i’m not sure if i was more turned on my a clean kitty or the fact a woman was doing it to her! And being in the late 80’s and almost a teen, i was keenly aware that neither looking at these magazines, shaving pubes, nor woman on woman action was deemed socially acceptable… But i liked it! i was SO turned on!

On that same trip to my dad’s, my stepmom – who has ALWAYS shared too much! – was dressing one morn and while doing so felt the need to tell my sister and i that she did not wear panties because “your dad likes easy access, which is also why I wear dresses with garter belts.”

And she dressed in plain view for us to see. Everything. And i was about 12 at the time. And i was fascinated, knowing i should’ve been appalled (and wasn’t!).

That whole experience was strangely odd to me because i knew i was supposed to be thinking she was some kind of strange, weird (bad) slut – but i didn’t. Instead, i actually thought it was awesome that she dressed to suit my dad and made him happy that way. And i wondered if i was going to see him flip up her skirt over dinner and touch her right there… but he didn’t. Or at least not where i saw anything anyway!

Then a couple of years later in HS, when it was the two of us at their house, my boyfriend showed me his Mom’s vibrating dildo… one that i’m sure she thought was “well-hidden”.

That’s when we had sex and he told me, “the only thing you are allowed to touch is my dick while i use this fake one on you”. And he got into a 69-position and i gave him head while he fucked me with his Mom’s dildo.

While i know none of these things were extremely kinky really, given my “inappropriate” reaction to each experience and especially the age that i was when each occurred, i think its made me realize i’ve been kinky my entire life!

But from this HS experience on, i started thinking i was weird and strange and crazy.. and needed to be more prim and proper or else “a good man won’t love me”. And i’d never be married with a family, i tried to put all this away… “in the closet” if you will.

Why my husband and i ever ended up with a boring sex life though is beyond me really given our first date experience. While i did indeed “put away” all these sexy thoughts and sort-of kinky ways, the very first date i ever went on with my husband, we had sex. And not just any sex!

He is a very dedicated college football fan. To this day, we have season tickets to his alma mater. We go to most of the games and the ones we don’t go to, we watch on tv. There is no other way to spend Saturday nights in the fall.. at least so he says anyway!

Our first date, was the night before the first home game of the season. At the end of the date, he took me to the football stadium and we snuck in where we made it out onto the field. And we had sex… on the field. It was on the 20-yard line, not the 50, but only because the school logo was painted on the 50 and there was a big spot light illuminating the logo.

And we were caught.. in the act! The security guard came up and said, “hey.. you can’t be out on the field!” And David rolled off of me, exposing me to the guard and said, “oh sorry. Ok, we will be going.” And stood up and started to leave.

Well a man can just unzip and rezip his pants, but as a woman, who did NOT have a dress on… i was half-naked. So when he rolled off of me, i was exposed and to mentally cope, i just acted and thought like, “the guard can’t see me and this is no big deal.” But i knew that wasn’t true in the slightest.

So i stood up and started walking away with only one pant leg in the hole, grabbing at my pants to get to get redressed while walking off the field… with my pussy on full display……

I’m not sure if i was mortified or turned on. Maybe both.

But alas… that was the last kinky thing i did for many years… until about 5-years ago when we came to the fork in the road that i mentioned in the previous post….. to which at the time of that fork, it was some hard times. But now, i am glad it happened because it allowed me to bring the kink “out of the closet and on full display” (in more ways than one! 😉)

This post is longer than i envisioned it would be, but i’m rather glad to have it all out in written form as even i didn’t realize all the small moments that lead up to today until i wrote it all out here and now.

i am proud of who i am now… who i am with David… and while i don’t think we will ever get divorced (now), i do know that with or without David… i am never going back to plain ole sex. Kinky is here to stay! ❤️

Hugs,

Marie

56 – Confident Sir

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 56 – Confident Sir

i don’t typically write twice on the same day, but i am in awe of David today and felt the need to mention this now. He has grown in his confidence and he beams. He tells me things that he would not have before. He doesn’t ask as many questions so much as now he makes statements.

While i’ve grown in my deeper submission, he too has grown and developed as a stronger leader for me and our family. He has truly become my SIR.

But i won’t deny, it truly has been a process. We officially started DD almost two years ago. When we started, it was ME wanting it. i asked David rather slowly and tentatively. At first, David was more or less just going along with it. While he didn’t exactly say these words to me, i think he basically was thinking, “okay, it’s her latest and greatest kink for the bedroom. I’ll go along…” and he did.

But that’s just it. It wasn’t a kink (okay, maybe it IS…. but still!) just for the bedroom or a fad that would go away. i wanted this to be a new way of life and a new lifestyle to which we were committed to and would define our relationship. And slowlyyyyyyyy over these two years, i’ve seen him take on a true Dom personality that has REALLY culminated in the last few weeks, but especially the last couple of days.

i told you how in the fall we fell out of the DD lifestyle. Because i didn’t really think he liked it, that he was (still) just going along with it, and didn’t really “care” about it, i basically didn’t either. And because the fall season is always busy at our house with our son in high school, so… i just dropped it.

But coming up to Christmas – i missed it. i missed who we were. i hoped he would want to get it back. i had noticed we were always fighting about stupid stuff, i didn’t show him respect – in my actions, words, or thoughts – and well, things weren’t going well. So that’s when i texted him i miss spanking and he texted back, “Me too”.

With that response, THAT was when i realized for the first time that he truly had come to like the DD lifestyle and being my Dom. And i was equally excited … and sad. Excited because i had a chance to get back what i thought was lost and sad for having lost it in the first place.

From T-H-A-T day in January until now, he has started truly being in charge, telling me what to do, and disciplining when it’s needed. He has set new rules and enforced them too. And he is adamant about NOT missing maintenance either.

THIS time, it’s different. It is intentional on his part. Not just mine. And in the past 24-hours, he’s been more Dom-like than ever before.

First, he texted saying if i could go home early for maintenance, that would be preferable. So i did because i could. When i got home, he was eating a late afternoon meal and watching t.v. i greeted him cordially but i wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to do maintenance then, later, or what. So i asked him.

And his response was, “From now on, assume that when you come in the door on Friday after work, you are to……go straight to our bedroom, get completely naked, stand with your feet on the floor next to the bed, bent over at the waist. And on your back should rest the paddle. You shall wait until I am ready to come in and join you, however long that may be. Don’t make noise, don’t ask questions, and do NOT move from that position until after maintenance is complete – no matter HOW long you have to wait for me to arrive! Do I make myself clear?”

Wow. Okay then. That is without a doubt, THE most dominant thing he has EVER said to me. It was direct, clear, un-questioning and un-waivering.

“Yes Sir, it is very clear.”

And i turned and went to do as he said. Which then resulted in the most painful spanking to date. Without preamble. Without much notice. And definitely without asking me “if it’s okay, I’d like to….”, to which i was incredibly thrilled about!

That brings us to this morning….. when i told him that in my deeper submission thoughts…. that i want to implement a new rule about “what he puts in, only he can take out” he said, “okay.”

Hmm. His response wasn’t too excited or convincing. Maybe he doesn’t really think this is a good idea and this is just me “topping from the bottom”. Oh well, i said it and that’s all i can do for now.

i went on to say that i would NOT talk about it (“it” being whatever he put in), whine about it, beg for it to come out, or otherwise mention it. That i would trust that he would remember, not forget about me, and tell me when he felt it was time to come out. Again, he said, “okay”.

Geez, me and my big ideas.

And that’s when he left the house to go play golf. He texted me shortly afterward though and said, “I didn’t have time to put the purple metal plug in, but you need to do that now. Text me a pic that I can see it went in.”

Oh well, maybe this isn’t such a bad idea afterall…..

And i did as he requested…. at 9:00 a.m. this morning.

When i texted the pic, i asked him, “Does that make you happy?” (Genuine, not sarcastic). And then i went on to say that i see giving him the authority to decide if/ when it comes out as another sign of submission and it makes me happy.

And he wrote, “Yep and Good!”

Man of few words, but i did anticipate a little more than that too. This is really not my best idea. Well, i guess i’ll see how today goes. But i’ll leave it in and hope you don’t forget.

He got home from golf at 3:00 and he has not said ONE-SINGLE-WORD-ABOUT-THE-PLUG-ALL-DAY.

IT IS STILL IN. This is THE longest i have EVER worn a plug. And …. while it’s uncomfortable from this length of time in, it’s not “that bad”… but if he said take it out, i’d be all-too-happy to do so too!

But it made me wonder, “Did he forget?” So – i debated – but i worked up the courage to ask……

i said, “Sir, while i am NOT complaining or asking for relief because i said i wouldn’t do that, did you forget about the plug?”

He responded with an incredulous look and said, “NO, I did NOT forget. And why are you asking when you said you wouldn’t? I assume I don’t have to talk about it or confirm it is still in. Is it still in?”

“Yes Sir”

“Show me. Now.”

So i turned around, bent over, and pulled down my pants.

He said, “Looks great.”

THAT’s IT? AGAIN? …. i thought there should be more….

i said, “So do you want to touch it? Can it come out? Are you surprised i left it in?”

And he said, “You are asking a lot of questions. Do you want to be spanked?”

“No Sir”

“Okay, so where’s the trust you texted about? Do you NOT trust me to remember, to make good decisions and to tell you what I want?”

“I do”

“Then stop asking questions before I put even more bruises on your already bruised ass. And go away and quit asking… with the plug IN place!”

WOW. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. He is MY DOMINANT HUSBAND! i beamed.

i said, “Thank you Sir. i love this confident dominance you are showing me.”

And with that, he smiled and said, “Good! Go put on a thinner fabric, tighter fitting shirt, so I can see your nipples better. And plan to wear it to dinner tonight.”

i’m not allowed to wear a bra unless i’m at work in a shirt that requires it.

So i did.

And so here i sit – with a purple plug in my ass still and a form-fitting shirt, no bra and no panties, and preparing to go to dinner……. where people could see my nipples.

But i am confident that my husband is a CONFIDENT SIR. And he will NOT forget about me, he will beam when others look at my nipples, and i will be proud of who i am and who he’s become.

And i feel most confident that my latest kinky sex fad is now a permanent lifestyle that has changed my husband into my very confident and dominant husband who i call Sir!

Hugs,
Marie