DAY 4 : CLUES…Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.
“In retrospect”… those are key words here. i didn’t know it at the time, but now looking back there were a few things that i would say lead up to this moment of where (and who) i am now….. so…..
The earliest memory was in elementary, on the playground at recess, we had these metal poles… think of a fire,an pole at a fire house… like that..but not nearly as tall. There were 3-poles, in a line, and we took turns shimming to the top of these piles and then sliding down.
Well, i figured out that when i got to the top, something about that metal and pole and especially at the top of it made me feel very warm between my legs… and i liked it. So i would hug the pole and not want to come down, until i was pretty much made to.
As an adult, i know that my clit had gotten stimulated and it felt reallyyyyyy good and i didn’t want it to end. But as a 6-8 year old, i was sure it was something about that pole!
So i was sexually stimulated… in public… at a very young age… and i liked it!
Then sometime around 12’ish, in the late 80’s… i went to my dad’s house for a few weeks in the summer and found dirty magazines. i was absolutely fascinated by a series of photos of a woman shaving another woman’s pubic hair. i’m not sure if i was more turned on my a clean kitty or the fact a woman was doing it to her! And being in the late 80’s and almost a teen, i was keenly aware that neither looking at these magazines, shaving pubes, nor woman on woman action was deemed socially acceptable… But i liked it! i was SO turned on!
On that same trip to my dad’s, my stepmom – who has ALWAYS shared too much! – was dressing one morn and while doing so felt the need to tell my sister and i that she did not wear panties because “your dad likes easy access, which is also why I wear dresses with garter belts.”
And she dressed in plain view for us to see. Everything. And i was about 12 at the time. And i was fascinated, knowing i should’ve been appalled (and wasn’t!).
That whole experience was strangely odd to me because i knew i was supposed to be thinking she was some kind of strange, weird (bad) slut – but i didn’t. Instead, i actually thought it was awesome that she dressed to suit my dad and made him happy that way. And i wondered if i was going to see him flip up her skirt over dinner and touch her right there… but he didn’t. Or at least not where i saw anything anyway!
Then a couple of years later in HS, when it was the two of us at their house, my boyfriend showed me his Mom’s vibrating dildo… one that i’m sure she thought was “well-hidden”.
That’s when we had sex and he told me, “the only thing you are allowed to touch is my dick while i use this fake one on you”. And he got into a 69-position and i gave him head while he fucked me with his Mom’s dildo.
While i know none of these things were extremely kinky really, given my “inappropriate” reaction to each experience and especially the age that i was when each occurred, i think its made me realize i’ve been kinky my entire life!
But from this HS experience on, i started thinking i was weird and strange and crazy.. and needed to be more prim and proper or else “a good man won’t love me”. And i’d never be married with a family, i tried to put all this away… “in the closet” if you will.
Why my husband and i ever ended up with a boring sex life though is beyond me really given our first date experience. While i did indeed “put away” all these sexy thoughts and sort-of kinky ways, the very first date i ever went on with my husband, we had sex. And not just any sex!
He is a very dedicated college football fan. To this day, we have season tickets to his alma mater. We go to most of the games and the ones we don’t go to, we watch on tv. There is no other way to spend Saturday nights in the fall.. at least so he says anyway!
Our first date, was the night before the first home game of the season. At the end of the date, he took me to the football stadium and we snuck in where we made it out onto the field. And we had sex… on the field. It was on the 20-yard line, not the 50, but only because the school logo was painted on the 50 and there was a big spot light illuminating the logo.
And we were caught.. in the act! The security guard came up and said, “hey.. you can’t be out on the field!” And David rolled off of me, exposing me to the guard and said, “oh sorry. Ok, we will be going.” And stood up and started to leave.
Well a man can just unzip and rezip his pants, but as a woman, who did NOT have a dress on… i was half-naked. So when he rolled off of me, i was exposed and to mentally cope, i just acted and thought like, “the guard can’t see me and this is no big deal.” But i knew that wasn’t true in the slightest.
So i stood up and started walking away with only one pant leg in the hole, grabbing at my pants to get to get redressed while walking off the field… with my pussy on full display……
I’m not sure if i was mortified or turned on. Maybe both.
But alas… that was the last kinky thing i did for many years… until about 5-years ago when we came to the fork in the road that i mentioned in the previous post….. to which at the time of that fork, it was some hard times. But now, i am glad it happened because it allowed me to bring the kink “out of the closet and on full display” (in more ways than one! 😉)
This post is longer than i envisioned it would be, but i’m rather glad to have it all out in written form as even i didn’t realize all the small moments that lead up to today until i wrote it all out here and now.
i am proud of who i am now… who i am with David… and while i don’t think we will ever get divorced (now), i do know that with or without David… i am never going back to plain ole sex. Kinky is here to stay! ❤️