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142 – Toughest Part

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 142 – Toughest Part

*** had problems with the site and this post dropped off for some unknown reason. Reposting it now. If you read it when it was here before, it’s the same now.

i was recently asked, “What was the toughest part of transitioning to this lifestyle?”

It occurred to me maybe others wonder this too. SO…. i decided to post about this. And maybe some of my favorite people (with even more experience than me!) can comment also and give even more insight on their experiences too!

There have been a few things that have been hard actually. Here’s a couple that i can immediately think of: 1) learning to forgive myself. When David says penance has been served and it is truly “over” it really is! and 2) to not give up on this lifestyle when it doesn’t work right away, but to communicate and work out the details and try again.

But the single thing that has personally been “the” hardest for me, and i want to spend the rest of this post talking about is……

Learning to curb my tongue.

In the past, when i had something to say, i said it! Without any real regard to how it was said…. tone, wording, timing. None of it.

i felt i had the right to speak my mind to my husband…. anytime i wanted and specivically in any way i wanted. We were equals after all!

But looking back on it now, i realize i said things in ways that were quite frankly rude, disrespectful, or even demeaning.

i’d tell you that i spoke to coworkers or friends in ways that were better than how i spoke to David. i didn’t mean to and i never saw it that way then. But i certainly do now. Now my eye glass lenses have been adjusted to see with 20/20 vision! And i don’t especially like what i see now for how things were then.

i felt though that i could “speak my mind in honesty” with him, where i couldn’t with others. And while that is still true now (that i can speak my mind to him), i didn’t pay any attention to HOW i said it to him. Whereas now, i absolutely do!

Also i never had the right to speak down to him (or to coworkers about him) that used words that (effectively) raise me up above him. But i did. i’d say things like, “Are you sureeeeee that’s the best way to do that?” implying that MY way was better or more superior, but of course, making him guess what that was or even goading him into asking me “and what way is that?”

At the time, i didn’t ever see it tis way (demeaning, degrading) at all. Not really anyway. Oh i suppose there were times that i’d think, “I probably shouldn’t have said it like that.” But that was that and i’d subsequently think, “oh well” too.

With clearer eye sight, it’s easy to see things differently now. i now don’t see my behavior then as acceptable at all. Honestly, i was out of line. Even “IF” we were equal, and i had the right to speak my mind, the way it was done was not at all respectful or kind. i know that now. In fact, i am now rather embarrassed at how i acted then.

But through these new lenses, this negative way of speaking to or about your spouse seems to be what i see as the norm for a lot of people. So in some ways, i guess you could say i only did what others do. But that doesn’t make it right!

Here’s an example…. My coworkers say things like, “yeah, my husband was a dumb ass this weekend…” and proceed to tell us what so-called stupid thing their husband did. And of course, her words already set the stage to imply she wouldn’t’ have done it that way and her way was more superior. Raising herself up and ultimately putting him down too.

Or another coworkers said this week, “I have to leave early to take my daughter to the doctor. My husband screwed it up last time. So I’m going to do it myself today.” Obviously saying she could get it done “right” compared to him not being able to. And further, he’s not even capable (or worth her time) to try to educate him on what this “right” way is also!

But … it’s been a “process” to change. And one i have had to truly commit to and work at. i’ve had to be very intentional to hold my tongue, reword things in a positive/ better way, determine what really should be said (or not), and how to defer to him. Always.

And honestly, David has held me to it too. He raises his eyebrows or says, “you sure you wnat to continue speaking to me this way?” It tells me that he never really liked the way i treated or talked to him before, but he rather just tolerated it.

But now he has authority to do something about it too! Before if there was something he didn’t like, there wasn’t much that could be done. And now an “attitude adjustment” ensues if i were to continue on the negative talk path.

i’m glad i made the transition. i’m glad i show, act, and display more respect to my husband directly, but also to my coworkers and friends. i no longer engage in office banter about how “stupid” my husband was, but rather i speak the opposite. “We had an amazing weekend where i got to enjoy spending time with my husband. He makes me happy.”

And it’s true. i do believe it with my whole heart – he does make me happy! And yet, curbing my tongue was a process and definitely not an easy one!

And because of a second glitch, the next post… if you wanted to read the, in order of how i had originally posted it, please click here on my blue words. Otherwise, you will read them in order of how the site posted them and that’s ok too.

Hugs,
Marie

135 – Maintenance Fridays

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 135 – Maintenance Fridays

i have attempted to explain Maintenance Friday (MF – okay, completely coincidental with those words!) sessions in the past. To no real avail. i don’t know if i can adequately explain it any better now than i did before, but i’m going to try.

By agreement, we decided to have a MF spanking session every week. Every Friday morning.

Yes, i submit my bottom to be spanked every week. Even when i have done nothing wrong. In fact, MF sessions are not typically about anything done wrong. It is “just because.” It is scheduled for every Friday morning. That schedule doesn’t change. It’s been set for about a year now for that day and time every week.

Seriously, most maintenance Friday sessions are NOT real “MF’ers” as far as spankings go. In fact, most are not too bad at all. David varies the length and intensity. And frankly speaking, it is a practice session, not the real thing. It’s practicing to make perfect. And like anything, the practice session is similar but typically not quite as intense either.

Sometimes though, even i find myself thinking about the “why” do we do MF’s too, especially now, 2-years into practicing Domestic Discipline (DD).

First i should tell you when we started MF, it was because i asked for it. When we first started doing DD, David was tentative. He was nervous and i think he wondered if i was setting him up for failure. Here i was saying, “discipline me.” And i suspect he was like, “what’s the catch?”

So i asked to have MF to be able to show him that i was serious about wanting for him discipline me through spankings, allow him the ability to learn how to do it really without being a pressure (correction) session, and for me to have a chance to show him i would indeed submit.

That’s why we first did them, but why now? Why continue? Well, i would say the ultimate reason now is reinforcement.

To reinforce the good things we want to happen. And decrease the things we don’t.

And yes, i do truly mean “we”, as in, both of David and i. We work together to make our marriage better and we agree that this DD dynamic is really good for us! And we both want, and i dare say “need,” it too! Our marriage is stronger as a result of MF. Our communication, teamwork, and common goal (to make our marriage stronger) is at the forefront. Okay, yes, i know these things can be achieved in other ways too, but THIS way works for us.

Okay, so those are some great outcomes, but W-H-Y would i do that…..Submit to being spanked for no reason?

AND,

W-H-Y would David spank me for nothing done wrong?

Well…. if for no other reason…. practice makes perfect.

Practice WHAT exactly?

Well…. several things actually…..

1) Spanking. Yes. Practicing the actual act of it makes it become perfect. David knows exactly how much i can tolerate, how much makes me cry, how much turns my butt red, and how much is too much….. or not enough. He knows how hard to swing. He knows which instruments cause what results.

And it works for me in the opposite way too. i have learned to receive a spanking the way David wants to deliver it. i know what causes me to wince, to cry, and how it feels. So with fresh reminders from weekly MF spankings, i will (hopefully) want to do what is needed to avoid any further punishments during the week also.

2) Dominance. David can chose to spank OR not on MF’s. And sometimes he chooses not to. Because we both know, it is ultimately his decision and HIS choice, and sometimes he decides not to!

So yes, we do skip MF’s sometimes too. But that decision is ultimately up to him and only him. Which is a reminder to me that i am to submit at all times and be ready too if he decides that it is necessary. These MF sessions serve as a reminder to me that he has been granted power and authority by God, and because i chose to submit to both God and my husband, so if he wishes to spank my bottom, i allow it.

It creates and reinforces confidence in David. That he is indeed in charge, and i will follow his lead in our marriage and our house.

3) submission. It reinforces in me that feeling of not being in charge and ultimately not being in control. i chose to submit. It is an active decision to allow my bottom to hurt for a few minutes in order to submit my mind AND my body to my husband, which reinforces his dominance too (see #2 above).

Plus, intentionally getting naked, bending over, and holding still to receive a spanking is a practice in humility. Submission of the mind AND mind. By doing this weekly, it reinforces that the humility is appropriate and nothing to be ashamed of. It allows me to be fully exposed to my husband’s leadership and control in body and spirit.

4) last but not least…….ultimately…… practice does make perfect.

Think about every activity you’ve ever participated in. The actual event is but a moment in time, but the practice leading up to it seemed never ending and perpetual. Whether it be a sporting event, a theater play, a school exam, or a presentation at work. All of these things have one thing in common: practice.

Repetition. Over and over.

Until it’s perfected.

And when the ultimate “go time!” happens, you say a prayer and hope it goes off without a hitch…. just the way you practiced.

In a marriage though, there’s not really a “performance” day. There’s never the final exam. So you go about life and marriage actually hoping in this case that there is NOT a time that all this practicing is needed. Because that means something had actually gone wrong and an actual punishment is needed. A sign of trouble.

How do you react or respond at that sign of trouble?

Most of the time i act and respond just the way we practiced it…. with submission to my husband’s authority. But sometimes i don’t. And he doesn’t either.

That’s when the MF sessions come in handy. We have a plan in place of how to deal with trouble. And then we just enact it. So when things go awry, now we know how to fix it.

We both have practice knowing what a spanking will look, act, and feel like. David also knows what it will take to correct the ill-behavior and bad actions too. So he knows the “real” spanking needs to be more harsh than the MF ones, and frankly, so do i!

So yes, we practice (almost) every Friday. We have spanking sessions, “just because” so that we have practice making it perfect. “It” being the dominance, submission, DD, and yes, the spanking itself!

i don’t know if i explained the “why” very well or not, but don’t knock it til you try it. You might just find that practice does make your submission (or dominance) perfect too!

Hugs,

Marie

134 – Permission or Forgiveness?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 134 – Permission or Forgiveness?

Sometimes asking permission is better than asking forgiveness. And sometimes not. But most of the time, especially in my marriage, i think it is.

The phrase “it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission,” has been used to justify some less than altruistic purposes over the years. But that was never the intention when Admiral Grace Hopper popularized the phrase in 1982. What she meant was that (sometimes) it is better to act decisively and apologize for it later, than to seek approval to act and risk delay, objections, etc. and if you read the quote (exactly) as it is above, you can easily see that she’s saying, “if it’s a GOOD idea….(THEN move forward).”

When Navy officer Hopper was quoted with these words, she was talking specifically about her work on computers during WWII. At the time, 99% of Americans (maybe all people worldwide) had never seen a computer, and likely most didn’t know what it would be used for even if they had seen one.

Because she knew she was in the military (government), probably the biggest red tape society that ever existed, asking permission may have been tantamount to nothing more than an exercise in learning patience and the zen practices of relaxation. For all the waiting…… AND waiting…she’d have to do if she asked permission for everything she wanted to do. So she decided to go for it and ask forgiveness later.

In my normal/daily/ boring life, and especially at work, i agree with Hopper. i think that taking calculated risks that are ultimately designed for the better, is a good thing! Much of the time, this is successful and other people appreciate the initiative taken by those that just went for it. And in those few times where it is not successful, you ask forgiveness and hope the non-success wasn’t too detrimental in the end and that the forgiveness is granted!

But in my marriage, it is FAR better to ask permission than forgiveness. Permission is zen and peaceful, whereas forgiveness is loud and painful (when the paddle collides with my rear end)!

So i recently asked for a spanking when i really kinda thought i didn’t need to or shouldn’t have to have one. While i thought my anger was justified, i knew i wasn’t full of submissive or respectful thoughts about and towards my husband. It was the anger and stress that i was feeling that caused me to think i needed to be spanked. If nothing else, i figures that the spanking would promote stress relief. So i asked permission to receive a spanking.

But that spanking did NOT happen, as i had expected!

David decided i did not need it. At all. While i wasn’t in a submissive mindset at the time, i handled the situation wayyyyyy better than i might would have in the past (Aka: pre-DD). For that alone, i was indeed acting submissive!

He respected that i asked for (permission) a spanking and admitted to my less-than-submissive thoughts too.

So by ASKING for a spanking…. and admitting my fault, he told me a spanking was simply not necessary.

He also said that if i had not admitted my stress or non-submissive mindset, or if i had actually yelled at him… i assuredly would have had a hard time sitting down after that.

So by asking permission and not just going for it to have to ask for forgiveness, my actions were positively rewarded!

He also explained that as he was talking to me about the problem at hand…….. the one he wanted me to call about…… the more annoyed he became at the Company. So that’s when he decided i would likely have “been nice” to them if i had talked to them directly so he decided to call himself and try to get it done directly.

He apologized for having wasted my time and for not telling me he decided to call himself. And all in all…. he recognized he was not in the right.

i was validated! And avoided punishment and got an apology. All because i held my temper and my tongue and was willing to submit to a spanking … if for no other reason than stress relief!

So see……submissiveness really works!

Of course, then the next day was a Friday so there’s the maintenance session(s) anyway! But still. i avoided TWO spankings for the week at least!

i think i’ll talk more about maintenance again soon. It’s just so hard to explain why i actually like it, and why it too is a good thing. But i’ll give it another try.

Hugs,

Marie

133 – How VERY normal i am

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 133 – How VERY normal i am

i know the things i blog about are very much NOT the norm for most people. But that’s what makes it very crazy and very fun to read… and well…. to live and write about to.

But i quite literally tell you about the only very crazy part of my life. i don’t tell you the very boring parts. Why? Because they are quite simply ….very boring.

i live in a very suburban neighborhood, a very average suburban house, and work at a very normal day job.

i wear (mostly) very conservative clothing to work because i do live and work in Texas, a very (overall) conservative views state. And while people say my career is very boring, i like my job very much. i would be very sad if my job were to end.

In fact, aside from our marriage dynamic, i am a very boring, very average, very normal everyday person.

i am SO very average, that i have said for many years i must be a chameleon. i look like every other common person on the planet!

While it hasn’t happened lately, frequently over the years when i meet new people, they say things like, “I’ve met you before.” And they proceed to rack their brain for any commonality that could lead them to the ephiphany moment of where we met before. This happens while i sit thinking, “i don’t know you and …. oh no…. here we go again….. how do i politely tell them that no, we do NOT know each other??”

Once was i was in a grocery store, a complete stranger was so very sure she knew me and said hello. Then she realized i was not the person she thought i was, but was still so very sure she had met me somewhere. When i politely said i really don’t think we have met, she was insistent and became determined to figure it out. She asked me, “do you go xyz church?” (No) …. “Did you go to xyz High school? (No)

i kindly excused myself and went to the next aisle. When she turned the corner too (we were coming from opposite ends toward each other), she then asked if i had a child in xyz sporting event. (No).

And this continued in the next aisle too! Was i related to so-and-so? (No). That’s when i got smart and skipped two aisles and managed to avoid her after that!

i say all this because i think people think i am some very strange person to WANT all this DD in my life. i also wonder if you are in a similar D/s relationship and may sometimes think, “my Dom isn’t as good/ strict/good as hers” or even, “I’m not as good a sub as she is.”

Well, i think you’d be surprised to know, and i dare say, if you saw me on the street, i would be your very average girl/mom walking by. i am so very ordinary in fact, that you may not even take notice otherwise!

All that really means is that i keep my very crazy shenanigans on the very down low.

However, that’s not really very hard to do since all my very crazy activities revolves solely in my marriage too. It doesn’t spill into my very ordinary life at all.

Additionally, while i am talking about how very average i am, i want to say – so are you. And that’s a good thing! That means – we are very much alike.

So don’t compare what you read about my Sir/Dom to yours or compare your submissiveness (or your relationship altogether) to mine. Why? Because first, we are all different. But second, it’s really very hard to keep this D/s dynamic going on a 24/7 basis. And third, remember you are reading about the “newsworthy” stuff. That means we all very much have very normal lives. i just chose to tell you about the very crazy moments in my life. But the rest of it….. well…. it’s very boring!

So don’t read stuff on the Internet or in a book and think, “they have it altogether, all figured out, and ‘perfect’. I sure wish my life was that way.” Because no one’s life is that way. You are simply reading about the stuff they chose to tell you….. which in most cases is, “newsworthy.”

i love how very average and very normal and very chameleon-like i (and you!) am. And i hope you like you too!

[Did you notice all the times i wrote “very”? i recently had a conversation where a friend told me she hates that word and wishes it could be struck from the English language. It also reminded me of an English teacher in HS who said the same thing also. Here are some synonyms for very: extremely, precise, actual, immensely, tremendously, exceedingly, powerfully, extra. And i could go on. But i won’t. i’ll just tell you….. i really had a very, VERY, V-E-R-Y good time writing that word in today’s VERY boring, normal post about life! It made it VERY exciting and newsworthy!]

Hugs!

Marie

132 – Submission… put to the test

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 132 – Submission… put to the test

i have said before that when i am stressed at work, i am NOT the best submissive at all. i tend to be short-tempered, have no time (or tolerance) for small talk, and want to get answers/solutions – not problems!

Today was one of those days.

Sir called me at work and asked me to do something. i barely had time to talk on the phone and he’s like, “So do you know anything about this situation….. and can you call and find out? I’d call, but the account is in your name and I’m not sure they will talk to me.”

What I heard was, “blah, blah, blah…. I’m taking up your time …. you need to call.…. ok, so I’m going to talk some more and take up even more of your time even though I know you don’t have it, if for no other reason than …. I can.”

And what i said was, “Yes, great. i’ll call right now.”

Well….. so i knew i needed to probably not speak to him “that” short, and even throw in a “Sir” word here or there, but it was better than saying what i really wanted to too. i just wanted off the phone and to make this call right away to get it off my to-do list. So when we hung up, i called. Immediately.

But that’s when i needed a 2-way authentication code to “verify i am who i say i am,” but it was one that was sent to his phone. When i texted him to get the code from him, he didn’t answer or give me the code before it timed out. So then i was even more annoyed!

i texted saying, “please tell me when i can send the get the code resent to you that you’ll be able to respond timely.”

(Ok, so i already told you i am NOT submissive and more of a ‘cut to the chase and let’s get this done’ person when i get stressed….. but at least i did say “please”. Ha!)

That’s when he texted back, “I’m on the phone with them right now.”

And all I could think was, “WTF!?! You wasted my time talking about this between you/i and NOW even more wasted time as i try to get this done!!! And NOW you just went and did it anyway!?! And didn’t bother to tell me either?!?”

That’s when i was at least smart enough to put my phone down and not text or talk to him. And i went back to my original to-do list that had me stressed out in the first place.

Instead, i vented to a friend all about this. She is also in a similar D/s with DD marriage. So i knew she’d understand! She is very wise and i respect her words and perspective fully.

As always, her perspective did indeed help me! She said, “Now… let’s brain storm how you can handle things so that when you get home you avoid a red ass.”

(Even she knew i was in hot water for the way i was speaking to Sir….. which if i didn’t calm down this to respond better, that my rear end would be on the losing end if i continued on this path!)

She suggested i request to be spanked to relieve the stress.

i told her i didn’t want to do that.

WHY would i want to request a spanking politely if i could simply spew my anger, and earn one legitimately?!?

That’s when she asked, “What aspect of the spanking do you not want? David’s dominance, the pain, admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation, the relief that’ll come after? Something I’m missing???”

And i responded to her by saying, “I want the relief after …. but I don’t want any of that first part. No, you aren’t missing anything. You know me too damn well!”

But the part i didn’t want to admit to her, and possibly even to myself, was THE aspect i didn’t like the most was the “admitting to both D & yourself that you reacted poorly to the situation”. Because while i did do that (react poorly), i felt like he was wrong in how he acted. He knew i was stressed, facing deadlines, and had zero time. And then he didn’t bother to even tell me he was just going to take care of it anyway!

But……..

Let’s face it, we all know “two wrongs don’t make a right” and i’ve already told you that it just doesn’t matter! Submit anyway!

And she said, “I just want my beautiful friend to feel better. But you probably know what you need to do too.”

So before i changed my mind, i texted David, “i need to be spanked. Soon.”

And he wrote back, “I agree.”

Then he asked, “I know why I think you do, but why do you think you do?”

Great. Trick question. i told him the truth. How he made me made and my thoughts. But ultimately how my thoughts were far from submissive.

He wrote, “I could tell you were mad, but I didn’t know why.”

So he agreed.

i already felt relief come over me. So could we just skip the spanking-pain part ?!?!

The rest of the day was way more productive than beforehand. When i got home, we didn’t talk about this. i know it will happen in the morning. Our son doesn’t know about the spanking and we like to keep it that way. So i have no doubt when he’s off to school, i will he told to Assume The Position. And i gladly will….. although again, can we just skip this part now??

While the pain will suck, the ultimate relief will be good. And i do want David’s dominance, but i don’t want the humiliation of having to ask for it or say it out loud either.

What i know is my wise friend thinks a lot like me, so she’s easy to talk to and helps me do things i don’t want to do, but i know i need to do. And she saved me today from yelling at my husband, causing an even bigger problem.

(See D/s with DD works!)

But do i ultimately still think he’s wrong? Would i have possibly avoided a spanking if i had not asked for it? Would i have gotten (stress) relief some other way?

i don’t know the answers to those questions and i never will…. but i suspect the answer is “yes.”

But does it matter? i asked to submit from the start of our D/s dynamic, i still (really) want it, and …. it works. Really, it does! Even when i’m mad, he’s wrong, and i don’t want to submit.

Hugs,

Marie