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159 – TMI Tuesday – Polyamory

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TMI Tuesday does a weekly blog post prompt. i haven’t ever participated, but i read many other posts of people who do. i have no particular reason why i haven’t participated, but until now, i haven’t. So today is the day… on this SATURDAY, i will participate in the prompt for the week….

What is considered moral or immoral, accepted or prohibited is generally defined by the norms, values, and beliefs of society.

1. Agree or Disagree. If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

Agree – i mean, why can’t we? Why is it NOT allowed? What harm is there in allowing people to sleep with (or be in a relationship with) whomever they want…. when it is consensual and openly discussed and openly and fully agreed to?!?

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?

Yes. My definition of “ethical non-monogamy” means that we have done it in a positive and open way. We haven’t been cheating or deceiving one another one bit. We all agree to be in a sexual relationship with more than one person, and we are all OK with it.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Most days, yes. Some days, no. Most days, it is very well, good, and lovely. Some days, it just feels like “too much” mentally and physically…. but then, that’s pretty much true in life. Right? Some days it’s just too much!

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal/cultural norm?

i wouldn’t say it is “my” ethical non-monogamy, but aside from that and in keeping with the spirit of the question’s intent, Yes.

Again, why can’t we? What is the harm? Oh, i know there can be harm.. mentally. But it doesn’t have to be. And the key is the openness, communication, and agreement by ALL.

i think the “ethical” part comes in when we are open and completely communicate about it. Interesting enough, most Americans believe cheating is grounds for divorce, yet, swinging and open relationships is fun and exciting. So it just shows that COMMUNICATION is key. And when all are on board, it can be FUN and positive…. which ultimately leads to ethical non-monogamy.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?

We are swingers, which by the definition for most, would qualify as non-monogamists. So, yes, i suppose it would qualify me to answer this question.

We treat swinging like a hobby. Something new, different, keeps things from being stale, gives us more to talk about, and a reason to get together with new and exciting people.

We meet and get to know a lot of people through this lifestyle. And because it is NOT a social norm, although becoming more widely accepted too, it comes with a built-in trust. You can trust swingers to keep your secret. You both have given the other a lot of useful gossip and/or damaging information about one another that if exposed, could cause damage to your reputation. And in some areas, cause job losses or financial disaster. So from the minute you meet a swinger, you already have a built-in trust!

So the best bits are …. fun, excitement, non-stale relationships, and trust.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and/or sexual relationship would look like today.

If it were entirely up to me and in my full purview (which it’s not!) to make the ideal intimate relationship happen, i would love to meet a couple (swingers), who we are ultimately committed to and us to them in a 4-way relationship. Some might say “married to.” Or maybe a better analogy would be “in a committed long-term, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.” We likely would still live in two homes, but not necessarily. Maybe we would move in together at some point, but maybe not.

We would be 4-way monogamous, meaning any of the 4 of us can have sex with any of the 4 of us but, upon agreeing to be committed to one another, we would only be sexual with the 4 of us. We wouldn’t invite others into our relationship to stay. Ultimately creating a situation where we would (essentially) be married to one another in a 4-way polygamous relationship.

Any of us can have sex with any of us at any (mutually-agreeable) time and without pre-approval from the legal spouse. We would also likely not “just” have 1-on-1 sex, but rather regularly have 3 or 4-somes, in any combination agreeable, also.

We may also agree to swing outside the 4-way marriage, but we likely would not. But that swinging would be for the express purpose of just sex and/or a “hobby” sport, not for seeking long-term relationships, since we have one another already.

What would be appealing to me here is not just the sex, but the commitment. The built-in friendships that grow and blossom. The dinner dates, the shopping buddy, the vacations together, the person who sends a text to say “hi, I’m thinking about you today!” All those things bring a smile to your face and joy in your heart.

And to the question above about “do i want a poly relationship” i responded with “most days.” Well, in my ideal relationship here, that answer would work and still applies. If i don’t want to go to the 4-way family dinner tonight, i don’t have to. If i am not feeling sexual tonight, i don’t have to do that either. But if the other 3 are… they can go to dinner and then have sex as much as they want. And then the next day, when i do feel in the mood for those things, maybe one (or two) also don’t feel like doing those things and the exact combination of who within our 4- would participate could be different yet. And of course, the days where we all want to do things together, we absolutely would! This would keep it very alive and well-good for all of us!

Let’s face it though, i am not in charge in my own traditional (with swinging as just a date) marriage, let alone having the sole ability to craft this 4-way relationship that i have just described above. It may one day naturally just fall into place, but somehow… i sincerely doubt it. And that’s ok! But if it did…. i would be SO happy and well…. oohhh laaa laaaaaa!

Anyone want to apply for the position? 🙂

Hugs,

Marie

158 – Wednesday Maintenance

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Unlike the picture… i do not WANT daily maintenance but if it were to be installed, even temporarily, i am sure it would have a big (positive!) impact.

Thankfully though, we don’t typically do maintenance on “random” days. But we did this week… on Wednesday. i am usually spanked, for maintenance, on Friday. Today is Friday. i am unsure if i will be spanked again today for a second maintenance in one week or not. But i am ok if it happens.

As i have written before, maintenance doesn’t “hurt” per se. It stings super bad, and it turns my ass red. i suppose it does hurt my bottom, but it doesn’t hurt my mind. It actually helps my mind. It helps to reinforce the good. It is a reminder of how to slow down, stay in control of myself, be good, and how to submit.

But as i mentioned before, i am now telling David what i think about how to dominate me, at the time i think it. So in some ways, the Wednesday maintenance was of my own doing.

As i was showering this morning, i felt a bit “squirrelly.” i was already thinking about my crazy day ahead, things to do, remember, etc, …and worked myself up into a tizzy in a hurry.

That’s when the “creative self-dominant” side of me said, “if i was your dominant i would make you Assume the Position to be spanked. You need to calm down, be slowed down, and realize you don’t have to work yourself into this craziness all before the 8 o’clock hour!”

So i told David all these same things. And he said, “I agree and think you do need to slow down. Go Assume the Position for a maintenance session and I will be in when I am in.”

i waited in the bedroom for almost 10-full minutes before David came in. He doesn’t typically make me wait more than 1-3 minutes, but Wednesday was longer. He asked me, “Were you wondering when I would come in?”

And of course i had been, so i said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “I wanted you to have time to sit still, do nothing, and focus on regaining self-composure and self-control.”

And with that, he proceeded by picking up the paddle (from the small of my back) and began to spank me on each butt cheek, alternating with each swat.

He told me, “You need to think about staying in position and not moving all over the place, like you typically do.” Usually i stay in position for about 5-10’ish swats, they life my upper body up to my elbows, then up to a standing position, then start dancing around. The whole time having to force myself back into position between swats. The more intense each swat is, the more i do this. He hates it! And i can see why. When i move around, he doesn’t have the control of when and where to hit the way he does when i am still.

He said, “your sole goal will be to stay in position…..still!”

And i received a very sound spanking. It was still a maintenance session and didn’t hurt me mentally, but my ass was a cherry red when he was done. It was very difficult to be still.

But i did it!!!!!

i have NEVER succeeded with this before. i have asked him many times if i could lay on the bed instead of standing bent over it, or if he could tie me into place. He has said no to both because he wants me to engage my mind and stay in the position he wants, not what i want. But when that swat lands…. it is both a sting and a shock. Oh yes, i know it is coming, but exactly when or exactly how hard. (Intensity level) is still a shock. So i end up moving all around.

But NOT TODAY! i stayed perfectly still!

At the end, David stood me up and kissed me deeply. He said, “you were such a good girl! I am so impressed and you made me very happy!”

“So lay down on the bed on your back and open your legs. I will give you a reward.”

i did as told. But man, laying on my reddened ass did not feel pleasurable! ……..but that was more than offset when his head went down between my legs and his tongue collided with my clit. It felt amazing!

He made me orgasm in just a few short minutes and i couldn’t have been happier! Some would call this a “forced orgasm,” but not me…. i gave it up willingly! Lol.

He then stood me up for the second time and kissed me deeply again. And when he pulled away he asked me, “and how does your cum taste since I just kissed you with it all over my face and tongue?”

And i said, “It felt amazing. It tasted good.”

(He has never made me taste myself, but the way he did that on Wednesday and the look on his face… it may become a more frequent thing…. who knows!)

And then we started our day from there! It is 6:20 am now… on Friday…. i am about to start my day today now too. Will report later if i have a second maintenance for the week. But if it goes like the Wednesday one, i will gladly give up another orgasm in a hurry! 😉)

Happy Friday!

Hugs,

Marie

157 – The Party on Saturday night

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This past Saturday we had my co-workers over to our house for a Christmas party. (Please NO comments about covid, a group gathering, masks, etc… it was my choice to invite them, they all knew the numbers AND the people who were invited AND the risk…. and yet they came anyway. Choices matter.)

Anytime we have hosted any party, ever, i get super stressed beforehand. i tend to worry about getting things made just “perfect”.. having enough food, the lay out of where to set things, enough chairs, the dogs bothering people, people mixing/mingling and having a good time.

i love the idea of hosting a party…. and we do an amazing job of it…. but … i tend to not actually enjoy any of it because i am too busy worrying, stressing, and scurrying around that i (mentally) miss most of it.

And David hates it. Not the party itself, but the way i freak out. Which usually causes us to bicker, snap at one another, or even fight beforehand.

i know i do it and i know he hates it. But i can’t control it either.

Well… i talked to David about it early-early on Saturday morning. And he happened to say, “so what can we do to change that outcome?”

This is the single question that has triggered the idea and ultimate discussion about me opening up my creative mind and telling him, “if i were in charge….”.

So i thought about it, and that’s when he was headed out to play a few holes of golf, and he said to text him my answer.

This is what i texted to him then:

As i think about your question and what we could do about me stressing out today, i hear an entire conversation in my head between us. I’ll share it with you now.

You say to me, “every time we have an event, you tend to get stressed, think you have to take over and be in charge, and you get bossy. You think that you can control the outcome of the party by controlling all aspects of it. I’ve never liked it and this time we are going to do it differently.”

You continued, “Today… we will be doing a lot of maintenance. Every hour, I will set a timer to go off at the top of the hour. When it goes off, you will immediately and without question, go to the bedroom and assume the position.

That’s when I will come in and spank you. You should expect that it WILL hurt! Every time!

I will give you 20-swats at each session. There will be no warm up. And between each one you will count and say ‘One Sir. Thank you Sir.’ And when we get to 20, we will be done until the next hour. Do you understand?”

Me, “yes Sir. How many hours will we do this?”

You, “until I decide you’ve learned how to not be bossy.”

You, “Additionally, please know that you will NOT be sexually touched or get to cum today. This is long overdue maintenance and intended to put myself in charge and you to submit. Not for you to be pleasured.”

“Finally, you will make a butt plug ready for me to insert. I intend to put it in at some point near the end of the maintenance sessions but you may end up being spanked with it in at some point as well. And you will likely wear it through the end of the party as a constant reminder that you are NOT to be bossy at any point!”

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you for your leadership and taking the time to spank me today.

After writing that to him, i waited for a response.

His only words back were, “I like that.”

Now what REALLY happened was…….

When David got home from golf a bit later, i was busy putting out plates, silverware, and the like, when he said, “let’s start that maintenance now. Go Assume the Position and I will be there in a bit.”

Me: Yes Sir. And i did.

That position he always wants me in to be spanked is….

– No clothes (at all), feet on the floor, spread shoulder width apart, bent over onto the bed from the waist up,

– head facing the bed or a pillow, palms facing down onto the bed, and with my arms laying up above my head,

– most importantly – the paddle resting in the small of my back.

As the way our bed sits, my back is then to the door. i hear the door open, but i can not see it or him. But i know he’s there.

His words upon seeing me in position were, “Now that’s my good girl! Exactly the way things are supposed to be.”

Because he is still in control and my Sir, he didn’t spank me the way i described above in the text. Instead, he did some small “love pats,” or warm-up swats. i received around 50 of them. While a few were slightly more powerful, not even one had any real force behind it. That said, the sting was felt and definitely made the impact Sir was seeking for it to do. It achieved the goal in no time at all.

The sting of the paddle hitting the same (general) area 50-times starts to build and it turns my butt very hot and very red. But these types of swats usually do not cause ANY bruising whatsoever, and is very impactful (mentally AND physically!)

While giving me this spanking, he did not make me count. Rather the opposite. He talked to me………

He said, “You don’t need to stress.” (Smack).

“You know it does nothing useful.” (Smack).

“You aren’t in control, I am.” (Smack).

“You need to trust that I am in control too.” (Smack).

“For the rest of the day, if you are stressing out, you need to stop and breathe. And slow yourself down.” (Smack).

“If I see you stressing today, I am going to first give you a warning. I suggest you heed it.” (Smack).

“Because if you start to stress today, or tonight at this party, and you don’t get yourself under control, I will assert my control instead and get you under control myself.” (Smack).

“We both know this is effective. Don’t we??” (Smack)

[i responded. “Yes Sir.]

“I will make you come to the bedroom and we will repeat this as much as is needed.” (Smack).

“Don’t even think of testing me, because I WILL do it all day long and even tonight with guests in our home.” (Smack)

“You wouldn’t want your co-workers to wonder why you’ve disappeared and hear the paddle falling on your ass, would you?” (Smack)

“I will spank you all afternoon and night in order to make you slow down and regain your composure if i need to, but i believe this preemptive discussion will curb most of that behavior.” (Smack, SMACK)

“Don’t you think so too?” (Smack… smack… SMACK!)

Me: Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.

So while turning my ass a bright red, getting very warm to the touch, and talking aloud to me, i heard his message loud and clear.

i didn’t receive another spanking all day… or night! Thank Goodness. Because while he hasn’t actually done anything “Dom-like” in front of others, so i don’t know if he would have spanked DURING the party for all to hear, i feel like testing him on this isn’t a wise-move either!

i did receive a verbal warning at one point in the afternoon though. He said, “I’m detecting stress in your voice. Is that an accurate assessment??”

i hadn’t even noticed it, but his words weren’t lost on me. And he was right! i took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “Are you able to change that on your own?”

And i said, “i believe so.”

To which he responded, “Good Girl.”

And i did. And we were both pleased!

So while i started out in the morning telling him how i wanted him to dominate me, he did an even better job of taking my ideas and implementing the parts that he felt were needed and tailoring it to him!

This is an example of how i think we will operate in the coming days with me speaking up about how he could or should treat (dominate) me and how i should respond (submit).

By the way… the party was amazing. We had a great time! People were smiling and laughing and ……..happy. Something i haven’t seen a lot of this year.

We all need to find something good in 2020 or at least to be happy about, even if it’s simply that the 2020 year is coming to an end!

And for some of us, finding the happy is a real struggle! i get it. The last 6’ish weeks have been a real struggle and David/i have had more disagreements than we’ve had in several years combined!

But maybe we are turning it around and ending the year on a good and happy note. Scratch the word maybe in that last sentence. We ARE ending the year positively. i hope you can too!

Hugs,

Marie

155 – Reflections. Resetting. And Communication is Key.

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In the last post that i wrote about Winter being Hard, i more or less told you how i don’t deal well with the cold… mentally and how it is soooo hard for me to not just live under a blanket! (Good thing i live in Texas and not North Dakota! Or Canada! Or Russia!)

At the same time, i woke up (yesterday) to find another glitch of this site had caused my original post about Intentional Dependence was back in draft and not actually posted. Well, in order to post it again (and see if it was complete or not), i re-read much of that post prior to re-posting it.

It was interesting to reflect on that post about dependence because i had talked about being dependent upon David to make decisions and lead our family….. compared to as of late, we are in a funk and not quite our normal selves. And i realized how far i have slipped away from being “intentionally dependent” upon him to lead us.

And yes, when i talk about our “normal” selves, i am referring to our Domestic Discipline (DD) way of doing things. i am well aware that most people, including many of you reading my blog, do not do DD or have it as part of your normal life. But we do. And when it is used correctly, it works very well for us.

DD includes me being spanked. For both discipline and maintenance. The maintenance is preemptive, while the discipline is responsive. Both ultimately serve to reinforce and remind me that i am not in control. And my role in our marriage is NOT to be in control, but instead to follow. To submit. i don’t like being spanked. What i do like is the control that i give up and the power i pass over, and how anyone willing to submit to being spanked is humbled and having a real display of submissiveness. THAT is what i like.

But when we drift away from our normal ways, we struggle. And we get into disagreements and sometimes flat out… fights. Yet, when we are in our normal ways and doing what we know works, we don’t fight. Because it is clear who makes decisions and who submits… always.

So when i re-read that post about being Intentionally Dependent, one that i wrote when we were on solid daily DD ground, i saw how far from our DD ways we have gotten. In a very short time too! Drifting away from our normal ways sometimes happens without us quite realizing it. Kind of like when you drift along in the warm waves of the ocean. You look up and realize you’ve moved down the beach 50 yards from where you started. You can still see your staked out spot on the beach, but you’ve moved a long way from it too. You recognize where you should be, but you also see how far from it you suddenly moved.

And just like the beach, i can see where we moved to and yet, know we have to work extra hard to move back against the waves and the natural flow of the water to get back to where we want to be. Which can be exhausting really, but failure is not an option. We have to get back to normal to get our marriage back on solid ground and not drifting any which way the wind and waves take us. (Is it a surprise that i am talking about the beach when it is Winter? If i think warm thoughts, maybe i will become warm too!)

So how exactly do we do that….. how do i have “Intentional Dependence”, how is he responsible for me, and how do we get it back?

Well first is obviously looking up to see we are off course and being committed to getting it back.

But for me, part of what makes our DD ways work is the reinforcement. Having David do his part to enforce the rules, enforce the spankings, as well as praise for doing well.

i said in that post that i am still fully responsible for myself… and i am. But there’s a certain amount of responsibility that David has assumed as Head of our Household (HoH) and like the President, there are no days off. You don’t get to say, “today I’m not going to be President and I’ll pass that off to someone else today”, so is the same in our house. David doesn’t get to NOT lead us. And even more, the President gets re-elected (or not) every 4-years, whereas we aren’t changing this ….ever. More like a King or Monarchy, i suppose, that sill reign until death! (Will Queen Elizabeth ever die? Or if she does, will it be before or after Prince Charles? One does wonder about these things…)

So while it’s true, Winter is Hard, it’s not impossible. But when we just want a break from leading… or submitting… what do we do? How do we get it back? How do we get back up the beach to the spot we know we need to be at?

The short answer is… very carefully!

But you have to be willing to try. And if you fail, you try again. And if you can’t succeed even then, you talk about it. Communication is the key to solving so many problems. But you have to be willing to try to do that also!

Soooooooooo…………..

i have been trying to since mid-Nov to turn things around with me and David. And while it’s slow (patience is needed!), i see progress in the right direction!

What has happened lately? (Yeah… i know i haven’t been here much “lately”…. i honestly HAD to focus on me and David and well…. draw back on something and blogging was “it”).

i’ve focused really hard on trying to be the best submissive wife i can possibly be! And NO, i have NOT always succeeded! And yet, even without complete success, the fights (and even disagreements), have sincerely subsided.

i intend to share some of my particularly recent successes AND failures in the next few posts. But i will give you one example here….

This morning after leaving for work, i texted David. i told him, “i should talk in person, but i just couldn’t bear to see your face when i asked, “Do you like being in control?”

His response, “W-H-Y are you asking this?”

My answer, “Because maybe we have fallen away from our DD ways because maybe you don’t really want to be in control.”

His answer, “you are over analyzing things and you need to stop.”

i said, “could you please humor me and answer my question?”

And he said, “YES I do like being in control. You will never dominate me.”

And i said, “ok, let’s talk more in person about how i feel that lately i top from the bottom.”

And we did. We talked tonight.

But i will tell you that part tomorrow…. along with answering what i left open-ended in the Winter Is Hard ending also.

Hugs,

Marie

154 – Winter is hard

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Winter is Hard….. to feel sexy…. for SO many reasons.

1) Darkness. Whoever invented Day Light Savings (DST) Time was a genius. (DST is the time we have during the summer… when we “fall back” we go back to “Standard time” (ST)). But the person who thought switching it back to ST was idiotic.

It gets too dark too quick. i get nothing done after work. i feel like all i do is work. It gets light about the time to go to work, and dark shortly after getting home.

i read an interesting article from the Farmer’s Almanac dispelling the myth that Farmers started it all! They actually are the biggest opponents to it and argue against it as much as possible! They say the sun dictates their day, not the hour on the clock. The sun tells the crops when to grow and the animals when to wake and eat.

So of course when all i do is “work,” i feel tired and ready for bed. Which means… i am NOT ready for ANY sexual activity.

i would vote in favor of DST year round! Just saying!

2) Holidays galore. i LOVE Halloween and Thanksgiving, but especially Christmas. It is the only holiday that we all decorate our houses inside and out, we greet one another with something other than “hello” and “goodbye” (typically Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays), and everyone gets a gift . And let’s not forget the parties or special events (concerts, theater productions, etc) that are themed and timed all around these particular dates.

Now don’t get onto me about the words “all” and “everyone”, because i recognize not all decorate or that not everyone gets a gift. But… more do than don’t. So meaning, there is no other holiday where even half the people on any given street would decorate the outside of their house, and especially no other holiday with lights too. And no other holiday where we all get gifts, unlike your birthday where it’s just you, or mother’s/Father’s Day where it is just that sex. So it becomes a festive and (literally) bright holiday.

But…. all these festivities require more things be added to the to-do list too. And that means more “work” has to be done to prepare for all this fun and festivity. So we already have fewer daylight hours and now we have more to do in them!

3) allergies and head colds set in. i have been battling this for a week now. My head hurts all the time from a too-stopped-up or a won’t-stop-running nose. That is wearing me down for sure.

But… it gets dark early, soooooo…. off to bed for me! [ALWAYS ways to find the positive!]

4) But the biggest and most primary reason of all that Winter is Hard to be sexy…..We have SO many clothes on!

i’ve experimented with No Clothes on in the house. It was hard to do in the summer for my own modesty (self consciousness) and our teen son in the house. But NOW… because i would be shivering all day everyday. In fact, i have on more clothes now than i did then.

SO WHAT TO DO?

So how to change these negative trends? How do you combat the “winter blah” and still look, feel, and act sexy… to keep the marriage sparks flaming?!

Good question. Glad you asked. Oh wait.. i asked YOU! i want to know…. what do YOU do to stay sexy in the winter-blah months?

i’ve been absent from here lately (and i know you know and i am grateful to those that have asked me about it …. knowing someone cares is sexy all by itself)…… but….. i think it’s time to come back. To embrace the un-sexy part of winter.

You tell me today what you do… and i will tell you tomorrow what i do! Deal? Ok then… give me a comment below then!

Hugs,

Marie