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79 – Sexuality and Christianity

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 79 – Sexuality and Christianity

i have been asked many times, “how do you reconcile your sexual escapades with your profession of faith?” … and every version thereof.

So this post is going to ATTEMPT to address that here… going to be very deep thoughts and theoretical and it’s taken me a long time to write this with many edits along the way .. so bear with me.

First off though…. i want to say i don’t know if i’m right. But i also don’t know if i’m wrong…. and frankly speaking, neither do you. So read this with an open mind and heart too! ❤️

AND a DISCLAIMER: while i am okay with constructive criticism, the key word is CONSTRUCTIVE! i have a delete button and i’m not afraid to use it. 😘 Remember the old adage… if you have nothing good to say… (let’s all finish it together now)… say nothing at all. So be kind!

My Christianity:

i want to start by telling you what i believe …as a Christian. i believe God loves all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight!

i believe in John 3:16, “that He gave his only son so that he who believes in Jesus will not perish, but have eternal life.” i do indeed believe that Jesus was the Great I Am who came to save us from sin and to whom that, when my earthly body fails or He returns to claim us (whichever comes first), i will go to be in heaven to live with forever.

i know we all sin every day in thought, word, and deed.. knowingly and unknowingly. And we have to ask God to forgive our sins to receive His many blessings in our life. But even if i were to not receive His blessings, because i believe Jesus is my Lord and Savior, i will still be saved.

i try to live my life according to the Golden Rule, which is biblical too, “Do unto others as you’d have done unto you.” (Matthew 7:12). And i know that ultimately God “has a plan for me to prosper, and to not harm” me (Jeremiah 29:11)

My Sexuality:

i am very sexual. i love being touched and touching, i love being seen and watching, but ultimately ………

i love being submissive (which is also biblical…. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-23).

i have been with men and women that i was not married to, while i was (am) married. Both with and without David. But i have never done so without David’s knowledge and consent. And even though he has before, i am quite sure he hasn’t since.

My husband and i tried (and basically failed) at being monogamous. Our marriage almost failed as a result too. So we started doing sexual acts together, with other people. We don’t see it as cheating, unfaithful, or inappropriate when you take it out of the shadows and do it together. Our sexual fun together is something similar to a date night. We go together, participate in a fun activity together, and we come home together.

Is there much difference really between going to dinner and a movie with another couple OR going to dinner and then having sex with another couple?

Because i would tell you that being non-monogamous (is that a word, welp, it is now!) comes in many forms… spending too much (plutonic) time with a friend, confiding in another person more than your spouse, doing an activity with friends/family while intentionally not including your spouse, speaking gossip or negatively about your spouse to a friend or family member, lying (or just not telling the whole truth) and of course…. watching porn videos, sexting in a chat room, getting “happy ending” massages, and going onto websites that are for dating purposes only….all the while intending to hide (deceive) your spouse.

The Reconciliation:

When i was soul-searching after discovering David’s infidelity i found a lot about adultery, including when Jesus says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

So when i was busy pointing fingers at David for being adulterous, there were 4 more pointing back at me too!

i did also contemplate divorce… Oh but the Bible says divorce isn’t right either (there are more than 25 verses on divorce). And to that end, it says that “what God has brought together, let no man separate.” (Mark 10:9)

So now, we are doing an activity that we love, with full trust, honesty, and consent, as we are doing it TOGETHER. What’s so bad about that?

If you say that monogamy is the only way because the Bible says it, i would offer up that the Bible is full of contradictions. Depending on how you want to look and interpret any topic, including this very same discussion (Just google, “polygamy and the Bible” or “is it possible to be Christian swingers” to name a few), the Bible can be twisted and manipulated to suit. Perhaps some would say that’s what we’ve done now too. i’m ok with that. And here’s why…

Consider the verse, “Love they neighbor as thyself” …. does this mean i am not only allowed, but in fact seemingly commanded to have sex with my neighbors? Because the Bible also says, “do not lust after your neighbor.” By who’s standard should verses be deemed literal or figurative? How did you decide here? There’s nothing in the Bible that tells us. We decide based on our Christian teachings in church or by societal norms.

So if societal norms are the standard by which we set our moral compass, when did monogamy become a “thing” because there are more than 40 leaders in the Bible who were polygamous with multiple wives, including Solomon, Moses, Abraham, and King David (a man after God’s own heart)? How did we pick the exact verses we want to mandate as the ones to follow (one wife) quite literally while ignoring other verses (those that say they had multiple wives) because they “no longer apply” or “aren’t meant to be taken figuratively? Nowhere in the Bible does it specifically condemn polygamy, but of course, it doesn’t condone it either. Unless …. you want to say that many of the key leaders/biblical characters are polygamous and if the Bible doesn’t specifically condemn them, it must therefore condone them by default. So again, by that logic, when did monogamy become the societal norm and only acceptable way?

Southern baptists believe you shouldn’t dance, drink (alcohol), or gamble. Why? Because at least the dancing and drinking parts certainly are not biblical. Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine! At a place where they were drinking together and he seemingly encouraged it by creating more. He served wine at the last supper, and yet, Baptist’s serve grape juice in church instead. How or when did the societal norms become that replacing what Jesus commanded (drink this wine in remembrance of me) not be the accepted practice?

And taking the opposite approach is the Methodist Church who is now allowing homosexual/lesbian people to become ministers.

Which church has it right or wrong? i don’t think either are wrong. It is an earthly interpretation of how they feel it best to live and guide us.

(Many use the Bible verse Hebrews 13:4 as the guidance to say homosexuality is wrong. In my bible, the words are exactly as “sexual immoral” – not “homosexual”. When did various translations decide that should be changed to “homosexual”?)

There’s no clear answers. There’s a lot of debate and we could literally argue this until Jesus comes again to set us all straight! So ultimately…. i say it again….. i don’t know the answers.

What i do know is that i wasn’t ready to divorce my husband, but what we were doing (attempted and failed monogamy) wasn’t working either. So now, we enjoy being honest, open, loving, and forthright with one another… and that includes spending time together doing activities like golf, travel, going to the movies, and yes sexual activity with others.

And in the end, i try to be a better Christian, wife, and Mother each day. Do i fail? Yes! But we all “fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)

In the end, i am a Child of God, believe in Jesus, admit to being a sinner and try to do better each day…. knowing that none of us can abide by and live fully up to all 783,137 words in the Bible even if we did understand the true intent of each word!

i’ll leave you with a final thought…… lest Ye be the First to Cast Stones…..

According to the Gospel of John, the Pharisees, in an attempt to discredit Jesus, brought a woman charged with adultery before him. Jesus thought for a moment and then replied, “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.” The people crowded around him were so touched by their own consciences that they departed.”

And my true final thought…. now i am off to dress (without a bra or panties) to go to church on this Sunday morning. 😉❤️😘

Hugs,

Marie

76 – Memoir – i asked to implement Domestic Discipline.

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If you’ve read the other Memoir series posts, you now know that i didn’t get to this place, being a submissive, in what most might call a “traditional” way. And David didn’t grow up with this lifestyle either it. So this has been a process for us!

  • IF YOU ARE A HUSBAND READING THIS…. i respectfully ask you to really read this post thoroughly. i want you to know…. women ask this a LOT! …..in fact, it is the #1 thing i am asked, and i’ve seen it on other blogs also….. “How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?” These are the questions i am asked the most. Many women want this! Talk to your wife and try it. Read this and Be encouraged! Have faith. Lead your wife and your home. Be courageous! And now off my soapbox…and back to the regularly scheduled program….

So THIS is how we specifically came to be the Dominant and submissive (D/s) couple that we are with Domestic Discipline (DD) in our marriage……..

After i did many years of soul searching and sexual discovery, i came to realize that –

i am submissive.

In fact, i always have been. i just didn’t know it until all the searching ….in my mind, on the internet, and ultimately in the Bible….. led me to verses that most women in current generations have (quite literally) come to hate…Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

But if you go just ONE more verse in the Bible it says…25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

So i started pondering……if THIS is our directive from God, why are we not living this?

Interestingly about this same time, our pastor did a sermon on these verses. He said (basically), “God intended there to be harmony in a household, so he declared one leader and one follower. So he told women to submit. But he didn’t leave men without any directive at all, men are to love their wife…unconditionally.”

That led me back to the internet. “Is spanking your wife biblical??” i mean, what happens if i don’t submit? Shouldn’t there be consequences?

While there aren’t specific things in the Bible saying men should spank women, there’s enough there to make one aware that this isn’t out of the question either. (See this specific blog post that gave me a lot to ponder: Biblical Gender Roles)

That was the day… i went to Amazon and ordered a wooden paddle.

i waited.

It came in the mail.

And that was the day, before i lost my courage, that i knew i had to talk to David about this.

To this point David knew i was getting deeper into all this “sexual stuff” and he saw i was searching (again!) for information and for toys on Amazon (again) too.

When we were both laying in bed, just the two of us, quiet time really, and just before he was preparing to do some nightly reading….. i handed him the Amazon package.

He asked, “what is this?”

i said, “open it please.” And he did.

He held the paddle and laughed and said, “is this the latest toy you’ve bought? And you want me to use this on you?? No. I won’t.”

And my heart immediately sunk. i asked, “why?”

He said, “I’ve always been taught men do not hit a woman. Ever. You know that!”

That’s when i said, “this wouldn’t be hitting me, but spanking me. And i don’t want this to be seen as a sexual toy but rather a method to implement domestic discipline. i want to be the submissive wife you deserve and that God has commanded actually. i want you to lead our household, family, and me. You’ve told me in the past i didn’t respect you, and i now think that’s true because i haven’t built you up to be the man you are supposed to be. i haven’t given you the support i should.

But that means i need you to be dominant. i need you to lead, guide, and be in control. And i will follow. But undoubtedly there will be times when i don’t. i don’t know why or when, but because we are both still humans-with-a-brain, there will come a time that i don’t do these things. And that’s when discipline will be needed. That’s when you will need to force me to submit. And i WANT you to do it. i am telling you these things now, when we are both sober and sane, and i am telling you, i want this! i need this!

So you see, this won’t be hitting me at all. It will be correcting me through love in a way that quite literally makes an impact that will be needed, encouraged, and accepted. i consent fully and i’ll write it down on paper, have it notarized, or whatever. i truly mean this.

David, will you be my Dominant husband and implement Domestic Discipline in our home?”

  • IF YOU ARE A WIFE READING THIS…. Yes, i literally spoke the words out loud! i had NO idea how he would respond and i was quite literally very vulnerable at this moment. But the ultimate answer to the questions….“How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?”…. is to ask! Speaking it out loud validates it… to him AND to you! If you had the courage to ask me, find the courage to now go ask HIM! And once again, back to the program…..

Now if David had acted according to the script in my head, he would’ve said, “yes, you are absolutely right. I will indeed accept this role. We need this in our home. In fact, I’d like to try this paddle out now and start learning how to use it. So get over here and bent over my knee!”

But life isn’t a scripted part. In fact, if it were, it wouldn’t be HIM in control but me! So it’s probably good that he didn’t do as i wanted him to!

What he actually said was, “woah. I thought we were headed to bed! I don’t know about this latest sexual fantasy you want me to act out. I’ll think about it.”

And he turned off the light, put down the iPad, rolled away from me and that was that. It was clear though, the “discussion” (if you want to even call it that) was over.

i went to sleep feeling disappointed. i rehashed that conversation in my head a thousand times, didn’t sleep well, tossed and turned. But i did drop it and let it lie. And i prayed, “God, is this the way this is supposed to go? If it is, i need your help. Either change David’s heart or mine. But we need your help one way or the other. Show him this isn’t a sexual fantasy and i don’t want this to be just that. i want this to be a way of life, 24/7.”

David put the paddle in the bedside stand bottom drawer (and it’s still housed there to this day!) and about a week went by without a word about it, DD, D/s, nothing at all.

And as we were getting ready for bed one night, he said very calmly, “do you still want me to spank you?”

And i said, “yes. As necessary correction and discipline when i don’t submit and ultimately undermine your authority as my Dominant husband.”

And he said, “then get over here and let’s try this out.”

That was when i dropped my clothes, laid on the bed, on my stomach, naked, and waited.”

He basically tapped my ass with it and asked, “Does that hurt?” i said, “No Sir” and that was most definitely the truth!

And he did it again harder, and again harder, and again harder yet. Repeating the question.

When he did about 5 or so, he announced, “that’s enough” and was done.

(i think he didn’t quite believe me that it truly didn’t hurt! And he was probably afraid he would hurt me for no good reason… and thoughts of hitting a woman & abuse of his wife flooded his brain… not to mention, he was likely testing my response too. Was i truly accepting of this? Did i truly want a new way of life or just a sexual fantasy? And with all these new thoughts in his head, he had to digest it too.)

Not one of those taps was even remotely hard. i was encouraged and disappointed at the same time. i couldn’t imagine that this little play-tapping spanks as ever being something that would create a change in me and truly serve as “discipline”. And yet, he initiated this now. He tried. He had been thinking about this for a week. It hadn’t been forgotten about, like i had actually begun to think. In the end, i don’t consider this to be my first spanking, but rather the try-it-before-you-buy-it spanking.

But that’s when he did say, “we can try this if you want.”

And i said, “i want”.

He laughed and said, “ok…. careful what you wish for!”

To which i replied, “i only wish to restore you to the place in our marriage and house that you should’ve always been anyway. As my Dominant Husband. i wish to submit and be disciplined when i don’t!”

i kissed him with passion and he made mad-passionate, intense, “I own you” kind of love to me. And i thanked him.

And that’s when i had the courage to ask, “do you still think we are not sexually-compatible?”

He said, “not anymore!”

i’d like to say we have never looked back, but that’s not quite true. We have refined the protocol, the process, the expectations, and the discipline. He’s gotten more confident as we go, he’s learned to wield the paddle quite effectively, while i’ve learned to say, “Yes Sir” and “Thank you Sir” quite confidently.

And it works! It is exactly where God led me. It is exactly where God wants us to be.

In case you are wondering, yes, we still belong to those dating sites, we do occasionally still meet people and have sex with them, but rarely really. We don’t really have time in our lives to do those things anymore. But if he said today, “let’s go do this thing with X&Y, i’d simply ask, “what’s the attire and when do we leave?” And i’d love every minute of it.

But ultimately we have more conversations and fantasies about it now than anything at all. As a result of ALL this, i trust David fully and implicitly, which is why i didn’t get at ALL upset when he sent me the pic of the masseuse’s pierced nipples. i know my place in our marriage and he knows his. And i am confident in it!

That was when i found other DD blogs, specifically DD Jennifer, and i was inspired by hers to start my own. So go read hers or start at the beginning of mine…. because now you are fully aware of what happened RIGHT up to me starting this blog…. which was also the start of our D/s using DD relationship.

We’ve changed, grown, and improved our D/s relationship over these last couple of years… for the better. i can’t wait to see what the next year(s) hold too!

Hugs,

Marie

Day 3 of 30: My Submission

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DAY 3 : DISCOVERIES…How did you discover that you were kinky?

i think i always have known i am kinky. i just didn’t allow myself to explore it until the last few years.

Several years ago, my husband (my Sir) and i had a lot of marital trouble. And when that happened, it caused us to face a fork in the road: divorce or change. But the way it had always been was no longer an option going forward.

In fact, David said, “we are not sexually compatible. I think our sex life is incredibly predictable and boring.”

It hit me like a lead balloon. Because i knew i thought the same thing! And here we were married all these years with what we both thought amounted to a boring marriage … or at least sex-life, which let’s face it, is a HUGE part of a marriage!

So… we decided to stay together… with changes.

We sat down and talked… candidly .. about what we liked and didn’t. And it was the first time i really came out and put my Kink into words to anyone, including my husband.

And the more (brutally) honest i was, the more he was willing to try new things. And the more i said things like, “i want to show you more respect”. And “i want you to be in charge of our family”. And “i want you to tell me things (on things that ultimately don’t matter and it wouldn’t matter what i said!) .. not ask”… the more he responded with excitement. Emotional, physical, and sexual excitement.

Now together, we continue to explore things we like and don’t. The sky is the limit when you are honest with your Partner and find things that work .. for you both.

And THAT is what we have done and will continue to do!

Hugs,
Marie

30-days of Submission : My Submissiveness

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i like this list. i got this list from #inferiorslut blog. And i challenge myself to blog these topics for 30-days, and if you so wish to join, please do the same!


DAY 1: YOU…Dominant, submissive or switch? List the parts of BDSM that get your juices flowing, what interests you the most? Basically define your kinky nature.


DAY 2 : YOUR KINKS…List your Kinks. Describes what it is about being Dominant or submissive that excites and arouses you the most.


DAY 3 : DISCOVERIES…How did you discover that you were kinky?

DAY 4 : CLUES…Write about any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks.

DAY 5 : YOUR FIRST TIME…What was you first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t yet had that first time write about what you hope to have happen.

DAY 6 : FANTASIES…Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

DAY 7 : YOUR TOYBOX…What’s your favourite toy or item of equipment?

DAY 8 : LOOK!Post a kinky image you find erotic. Briefly describe what arouses you most in the image.

DAY 9 : LISTEN…Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy. Describe why it works for you.

DAY 10: HOW FAR…What are your hard limits?


Day 11: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…What are your views on the ethics of kink?


Day 12: “I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE KEYS…”Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: KINK APPEAL…Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?


Day 14: REAL-LIFE BDSM…How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?


DAY 15: “I WOULD LIKE TO…”Write about a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.


DAY 16: DIFFICULTIES…What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?


DAY 17: “IT’S NOT LIKE THAT …”What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?


DAY 18: PET HATES…Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? Any thing you particularly dislike or that annoys you? If so, what are they?


DAY 19: LIFE CHANGING…Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?


DAY 20: KINK CURIOUS…Talk about something within kink/BDSM that you’re curious about or don’t understand.


Day 21: KINK BOOKS…List your Favourite BDSM related book/s (fiction or non-fiction).


DAY 22: RELATIONSHIPS…What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?


DAY 23: PERSPECTIVES…Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? If so, how?


DAY 24: PARTNERS…What qualities do you look for in a partner?


DAY 25: “ACTUALLY, I’M IN TO…”How open are you about your kinks?


DAY 26: SPANKING THE MOUSE…What’s your opinion on online BDSM play? Or online D/s Relationships?


DAY 27: “LICK MY STAMPS! YOU WORM!…”Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?


DAY 28: “CORSET DOES…”How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?


DAY 29: “MY NAME IS…”Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?


DAY 30: FREE TIME…Write or create a list of whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to

55 – Deeper submission

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“Deeper” submission…. get the pun??!?! ….in more ways that one…. deep in my ass and my mind!

Yesterday’s maintenance session was intense. My ass is bruised today, especially on my right side.

As we were laying in bed, David said….

Him: “I decided to see how long you could handle being spanked in just one spot. Did you notice that I concentrated primarily on just your right ass cheek?”

Me: oh YES Sir i did! i may not have called yellow when i did if you’d moved around a bit more than you did.

Him: no words….just gave me the biggest grin!

Today….. i feel like the session served it’s purpose. My ass is bruised and still sore. But i am content, relaxed, and loving my Sir more than i did yesterday even.

For those that think, “how can a spanking (bruises) cause you to want more?”… well, it’s a bit hard to expexplain, but i will try….

By submitting myself to Sir, it is an intentional show of my love. It shows that i trust him fully with my physical being, my life, and our family. And he knows and respects that it is INTENTIONAL that i’ve chosen to commit myself thoroughly to him, and ultimately he does the same in reverse.

i love the bond that only we know about. My family and friends think i am a stereo-typical, average middle-aged woman, with a suburban life, middle-class, (overall) conservative life. And they ARE right. Mostly.

There’s just more than meets the eye. In fact, much of it is hidden underneath clothing … like bruises and plugs… which brings me to the deeper submission part of this….

Today we implemented a new rule. One that i came up with after reading other blogs here and being inspired, and he thought was perfect for us.

It is:

What he puts in (or tells me to put in), shall not come out without permission and/or only by his hand. And there’s to be NO whining, begging, pleading, or bartering otherwise. In fact, i shouldn’t even mention it or remind him either. i am to trust that he won’t forget or neglect me, and further trust that he is in control and knows what’s best.

So with that …. he put in a metal plug that has a purple jeweled end, his favorite color. Then he stood me upright, planted a warm kiss on me, squeezed my (sore!) ass, and went to play golf.

i have no real idea how long it will stay in, but i know – without a doubt or question in my mind – it WILL stay in until he gives me permission to take it out or tells me to bend over and does it himself.

A constant reminder today that i am his. And my life couldn’t be better!