If you’ve read the other Memoir series posts, you now know that i didn’t get to this place, being a submissive, in what most might call a “traditional” way. And David didn’t grow up with this lifestyle either it. So this has been a process for us!
- IF YOU ARE A HUSBAND READING THIS…. i respectfully ask you to really read this post thoroughly. i want you to know…. women ask this a LOT! …..in fact, it is the #1 thing i am asked, and i’ve seen it on other blogs also….. “How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?” These are the questions i am asked the most. Many women want this! Talk to your wife and try it. Read this and Be encouraged! Have faith. Lead your wife and your home. Be courageous! And now off my soapbox…and back to the regularly scheduled program….
So THIS is how we specifically came to be the Dominant and submissive (D/s) couple that we are with Domestic Discipline (DD) in our marriage……..
After i did many years of soul searching and sexual discovery, i came to realize that –
i am submissive.
In fact, i always have been. i just didn’t know it until all the searching ….in my mind, on the internet, and ultimately in the Bible….. led me to verses that most women in current generations have (quite literally) come to hate…
Ephesians 5:22-2422Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
But if you go just ONE more verse in the Bible it says…
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
So i started pondering……if THIS is our directive from God, why are we not living this?
Interestingly about this same time, our pastor did a sermon on these verses. He said (basically), “God intended there to be harmony in a household, so he declared one leader and one follower. So he told women to submit. But he didn’t leave men without any directive at all, men are to love their wife…unconditionally.”
That led me back to the internet. “Is spanking your wife biblical??” i mean, what happens if i don’t submit? Shouldn’t there be consequences?
While there aren’t specific things in the Bible saying men should spank women, there’s enough there to make one aware that this isn’t out of the question either. (See this specific blog post that gave me a lot to ponder: Biblical Gender Roles)
That was the day… i went to Amazon and ordered a wooden paddle.
It came in the mail.
And that was the day, before i lost my courage, that i knew i had to talk to David about this.
To this point David knew i was getting deeper into all this “sexual stuff” and he saw i was searching (again!) for information and for toys on Amazon (again) too.
When we were both laying in bed, just the two of us, quiet time really, and just before he was preparing to do some nightly reading….. i handed him the Amazon package.
He asked, “what is this?”
i said, “open it please.” And he did.
He held the paddle and laughed and said, “is this the latest toy you’ve bought? And you want me to use this on you?? No. I won’t.”
And my heart immediately sunk. i asked, “why?”
He said, “I’ve always been taught men do not hit a woman. Ever. You know that!”
That’s when i said, “this wouldn’t be hitting me, but spanking me. And i don’t want this to be seen as a sexual toy but rather a method to implement domestic discipline. i want to be the submissive wife you deserve and that God has commanded actually. i want you to lead our household, family, and me. You’ve told me in the past i didn’t respect you, and i now think that’s true because i haven’t built you up to be the man you are supposed to be. i haven’t given you the support i should.
But that means i need you to be dominant. i need you to lead, guide, and be in control. And i will follow. But undoubtedly there will be times when i don’t. i don’t know why or when, but because we are both still humans-with-a-brain, there will come a time that i don’t do these things. And that’s when discipline will be needed. That’s when you will need to force me to submit. And i WANT you to do it. i am telling you these things now, when we are both sober and sane, and i am telling you, i want this! i need this!
So you see, this won’t be hitting me at all. It will be correcting me through love in a way that quite literally makes an impact that will be needed, encouraged, and accepted. i consent fully and i’ll write it down on paper, have it notarized, or whatever. i truly mean this.
David, will you be my Dominant husband and implement Domestic Discipline in our home?”
- IF YOU ARE A WIFE READING THIS…. Yes, i literally spoke the words out loud! i had NO idea how he would respond and i was quite literally very vulnerable at this moment. But the ultimate answer to the questions….“How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?”…. is to ask! Speaking it out loud validates it… to him AND to you! If you had the courage to ask me, find the courage to now go ask HIM! And once again, back to the program…..
Now if David had acted according to the script in my head, he would’ve said, “yes, you are absolutely right. I will indeed accept this role. We need this in our home. In fact, I’d like to try this paddle out now and start learning how to use it. So get over here and bent over my knee!”
But life isn’t a scripted part. In fact, if it were, it wouldn’t be HIM in control but me! So it’s probably good that he didn’t do as i wanted him to!
What he actually said was, “woah. I thought we were headed to bed! I don’t know about this latest sexual fantasy you want me to act out. I’ll think about it.”
And he turned off the light, put down the iPad, rolled away from me and that was that. It was clear though, the “discussion” (if you want to even call it that) was over.
i went to sleep feeling disappointed. i rehashed that conversation in my head a thousand times, didn’t sleep well, tossed and turned. But i did drop it and let it lie. And i prayed, “God, is this the way this is supposed to go? If it is, i need your help. Either change David’s heart or mine. But we need your help one way or the other. Show him this isn’t a sexual fantasy and i don’t want this to be just that. i want this to be a way of life, 24/7.”
David put the paddle in the bedside stand bottom drawer (and it’s still housed there to this day!) and about a week went by without a word about it, DD, D/s, nothing at all.
And as we were getting ready for bed one night, he said very calmly, “do you still want me to spank you?”
And i said, “yes. As necessary correction and discipline when i don’t submit and ultimately undermine your authority as my Dominant husband.”
And he said, “then get over here and let’s try this out.”
That was when i dropped my clothes, laid on the bed, on my stomach, naked, and waited.”
He basically tapped my ass with it and asked, “Does that hurt?” i said, “No Sir” and that was most definitely the truth!
And he did it again harder, and again harder, and again harder yet. Repeating the question.
When he did about 5 or so, he announced, “that’s enough” and was done.
(i think he didn’t quite believe me that it truly didn’t hurt! And he was probably afraid he would hurt me for no good reason… and thoughts of hitting a woman & abuse of his wife flooded his brain… not to mention, he was likely testing my response too. Was i truly accepting of this? Did i truly want a new way of life or just a sexual fantasy? And with all these new thoughts in his head, he had to digest it too.)
Not one of those taps was even remotely hard. i was encouraged and disappointed at the same time. i couldn’t imagine that this little play-tapping spanks as ever being something that would create a change in me and truly serve as “discipline”. And yet, he initiated this now. He tried. He had been thinking about this for a week. It hadn’t been forgotten about, like i had actually begun to think. In the end, i don’t consider this to be my first spanking, but rather the try-it-before-you-buy-it spanking.
But that’s when he did say, “we can try this if you want.”
And i said, “i want”.
He laughed and said, “ok…. careful what you wish for!”
To which i replied, “i only wish to restore you to the place in our marriage and house that you should’ve always been anyway. As my Dominant Husband. i wish to submit and be disciplined when i don’t!”
i kissed him with passion and he made mad-passionate, intense, “I own you” kind of love to me. And i thanked him.
And that’s when i had the courage to ask, “do you still think we are not sexually-compatible?”
He said, “not anymore!”
i’d like to say we have never looked back, but that’s not quite true. We have refined the protocol, the process, the expectations, and the discipline. He’s gotten more confident as we go, he’s learned to wield the paddle quite effectively, while i’ve learned to say, “Yes Sir” and “Thank you Sir” quite confidently.
And it works! It is exactly where God led me. It is exactly where God wants us to be.
In case you are wondering, yes, we still belong to those dating sites, we do occasionally still meet people and have sex with them, but rarely really. We don’t really have time in our lives to do those things anymore. But if he said today, “let’s go do this thing with X&Y, i’d simply ask, “what’s the attire and when do we leave?” And i’d love every minute of it.
But ultimately we have more conversations and fantasies about it now than anything at all. As a result of ALL this, i trust David fully and implicitly, which is why i didn’t get at ALL upset when he sent me the pic of the masseuse’s pierced nipples. i know my place in our marriage and he knows his. And i am confident in it!
That was when i found other DD blogs, specifically DD Jennifer, and i was inspired by hers to start my own. So go read hers or start at the beginning of mine…. because now you are fully aware of what happened RIGHT up to me starting this blog…. which was also the start of our D/s using DD relationship.
We’ve changed, grown, and improved our D/s relationship over these last couple of years… for the better. i can’t wait to see what the next year(s) hold too!