Skip to main content

Tag: d/s marriage

112 – It’s a Match!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 112 – It’s a Match!

We had SO much fun. We are in love! Ok, ok… maybe not love… yet anyway. Lol. Our First Date night was super Amazing!

While you never know how much truth are in people’s words, i tend to believe they thought the same as we did. Because if they didn’t think it was a great evening, they likely would not have messaged us before the night was over (or taken an aloof demeanor, which they did not). But they did indeed respond!

They messaged about how they loved the evening, they were attracted to us, and asked about when can we meet again. i’d say they had as much fun as we did!

At the risk of jinxing it all, i’d venture to say that this was the best first date we’ve ever had. NO, we did NOT have sex. i already told you we wouldn’t do that and we did not.

We met at a quite nice, elegant steakhouse. And, thanks to COVID, we enjoyed a relatively secluded table where we talked and laughed continuously. (See COVID is good for some things! Ok, agreed, not much!! Lol).

We talked about family life, work life, and also sexual life. And i found it interesting how we would flow from one topic to another just the same as how the river flows. The conversation went where it wanted to, even over the banks a few times, caught a rock and went back upstream a slight bit too, but ultimately it just never stopped. It had a pleasant and relaxing feel, and it was nice to float along and just let the current sweep us up in it to go wherever it wanted to take us! It seemed like we were old friends who hadn’t seen one another in awhile and had lots to catch up on. And we did.

The part that gives me the most joy is the synergy that we created. If you think about how hard it is for 2- people to find a match in one another, just double that pain when there are 4 involved. i dare say the #1 thing most all open couples would say is the most challenging aspect is finding their match. It is just super hard to find four people who are like-minded and equally interested in taking a casual dinner to the next level. So i have become super alert to any signs that one (or more) are zoned out, not interested, or not having fun. i was pleased that it didn’t seem to happen (at all) for any of us.

While i think we all did, i definitely talked quite candidly. When David & i were first married he said something that i was analyzing and i asked, “did you mean this… or that??” To which he replied, “Men say what they mean and Mean what they say. Don’t read into it.” While i’m not too sure anyone – male or female – actually does that, i try to as much as possible. So i decided that if this might be a match, they needed to know our dynamic for real and without pretenses. i let them know that David is my Sir. i didn’t actually use the word “Sir,” at least not that i recall anyway. But i said things like, “i always follow his lead.” And then added things like, “and when i don’t (follow his lead), i get spanked.”

Of course, when i said that, David told them that my ass still has remnants of the Worst Spanking Everrr. i was afraid that might worry or scare them off, but i suppose better sooner than later if they do take exception to our dynamic. Instead though, it seemed to intrigue them, at least a bit anyway. (Like i said before, we already knew that she’s submissive and he’s dominant and he uses a flogger on her. So i wasn’t “too” concerned, but i do think they tend to JUST have this dynamic in the erotic/sexual way. And while that is perfectly well and good, finding out someone does this as a way of life may have been a turnoff. i was pleasantly surprised to find out it wasn’t!)

So as we were leaving and all saying our goodbyes in the parking lot, Sir told me to show them my rear end, and of course, the bruises. i was a bit embarrassed and i hesitated. While it was in an area of the lot that absolutely no one was around, i wasn’t certain he was serious at first plus it was our first date with them too. And having to turn around, lift my dress, and expose my ass meant i couldn’t see their faces or immediate reactions. i felt vulnerable.

But i did it anyway. After having to be told twice by Sir to do it. To which he didn’t miss a beat and was sure to comment on when we were in the car and headed home too. Despite several minutes having passed between actually saying goodbye and getting seated in the car, he simply stated without details, “why did you hesitate?” And i told him what i just said told you. And his response was, in a firm but non-angry tone was, “When i tell you to do something, you need to do it…. the first time.” i just said, “Yes Sir. i know.” Then he said, “hmm. I’ll remember this.” i know i will too as that is a warning to not have it happen again or else punishment may ensue.

But what was their response to seeing my exposed ass in the parking lot?? When i stood upright and turned to face them, she gave me a super compassionate hug and said, “oh no, that looks like it was painful.” In the same way a friend gives sympathy to a friend in need. But also in a way that implied that if she could, she might’ve rubbed it and kissed it to try to make it all better too. (It doesn’t hurt at all now by the way). And of course those kisses right there would likely lead to kisses elsewhere too!

But he didn’t say much at that moment. Later in messaging though, he said that seeing my exposed ass in public was a turn on and gives rise to all his favorite fantasies of having sex outdoors and/or in public. He indicated he had a desire to have the next dinner date be at a restaurant where he can sit next to me and play with my pussy under the table for the entire night. i’d love to orgasm over dinner!

i’m super excited and i can’t wait until we can see them again!

Like i said…… we may very well have met our Match!

THIS MORNING…. as we woke up, David made mention of the evening prior. And as we were talking about the success, he then said, “and you hesitated. I told you I’d remember. You need to go Assume The Position.”

Oh great. Here i thought it was ok, and just a warning, but apparently it wasn’t. i said, “Yes Sir” and did as told. But i was disappointed for sure.

When he came in the bedroom he said, “Oh good. You did as I wanted this time.” And he picked up the paddle and let one easy/warm up swat land. After just one, he asked me, “Do you want to be spanked?” And i told the truth and said, “No Sir.”

And that’s when he put the paddle down and put his hand between my legs and started to rub on my clit. He said, “Would you rather I do this instead?” So again, i told the (absolute) truth and said, “Oh Yes Sir, i would indeed!”

Then he pushed my legs up on the bed and spread them wide, giving him full access. That is when i felt his cock push deep into my pussy in one smooth move. He proceeded to give me an amazing orgasm. After which, when i thought we may be done, he pulled out of my front hole and used by back hole as well. i love it when he uses me this way! i feel so whole and complete while making him happy too. When we were both satisfied, he slapped his hand down on my ass and said, “Stay right here. Don’t move!” ….. he went and got an anal plug ready and said, “I’m going to have you wear this today. It will remind you to follow directions the first time. And when you do, GOOD things come to you when you obey the first time!”

And i went off to the shower with a smile on my face and a plug in my ass!

What more could a girl ask for?!?! ❤️❤️❤️

Hugs,

Marie

107 – One Year (and a Day) ago.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 107 – One Year (and a Day) ago.

One year (and one day) ago, i wrote post #39 about Domestic Discipline – in life. And i think it’s interesting that i was thinking about life, marriage, DD, etc this morning…. one year (and a day) later. So it got me to reflecting back and comparing the past or the present.

So after rereading that blog and i see how things have changed…. AND stayed the same. There’s a lot of both!

Just to make it easy to know what i’m referring to, and without flipping back and forth, here’s a screenshot of how it started……

Starting at the top, if i were to write those same paragraphs now, with TODAY’s opinions (but same gist)….. this is how the post would NOW go……..

i know i almost always talk about our lifestyle with reference to sex…..and spanking….. while that can and sometimes is a big part of it, it really isn’t JUST that. It’s more than that. In fact, it’s a daily activity. It’s something that never stops.

Ultimately i’d say that our Domestic Discipline (DD) life is more about showing respect and kindness than anything else. Especially from me to David, but it definitely goes in reverse too. And while this is something that everyone should do, but people frequently just don’t. (In fact, i think the world could use more of it … but that’s a whole other post altogether!)

Before DD, David would frequently tell me that i don’t “respect” him. i always thought i did, and in fact, i still think that. But now i know what i didn’t do then, but do now, is SHOW it to him. i speak with gentler and kinder words now than i ever did before. Instead of saying things like, “Will you take out the trash?” i now say something more like, “i would love it if you’d take the trash to the garage when you could, please Sir.” That’s not tremendously different, but it IS different. i make a point to let him know how much i would LOVE his help. But i don’t assume i’ll get it. Whereas before, i assumed he would do it so my words were more of a commandment than a question.

And i also ask with a “please.” Because ultimately it is his decision to do (or not) do it and please is the word to ASK for help, rather than just assume it is there. Where before DD, i just expected him to do it and while i’d word it in the form of a question, it was more of an expectation and a command rather than a true question. Now, it is truly a question, and while i am hopeful (and it is probable) that he will help, i know he might not. And if he doesn’t, i have to be ok with his decision too.

Now it’s really in the second paragraph (referring to the screenshot above from a year ago) that i see the biggest differences from then to now. And paragraphs 2 &3 are essentially the same, just more detail really. So here is today’s version…….

i used to say i would be much stricter than Sir. i know that we are really in sync now though… most days anyway. He’s grown in the last year as the leader of our house, and has ultimately gotten stricter. But i have also grown in my submission to him and more accepting of his leadership too. So we have effectively met in the middle! We both know the expectations… and consequences…. quite clearly. And he’s not afraid or shy or otherwise reserved to implement the consequences either.

(i think it’s maybe a tad hard to read all italics all the time, so i’m going to flip back to standard font, but otherwise, simply continuing on…..).

Some (even “many”) DD relationships have written rules. While we have rules, they aren’t written. We don’t have an official contract or signed agreement. While i can certainly see the benefit of this, when we first started this, neither of us knew what we wanted. i’d even say that at the time, this lifestyle was likely more of an experiment than a lifestyle. And while we may have had intentions of it being a lifestyle, it may have been like other things (diet and exercise for example), that you start strong and it fades away. So putting rules or an agreement in place wasn’t really possible, when all we had was a pen and a blank piece of paper in front of us. So you might say we had to experiment a bit first to find the right fit.

And perhaps it was the lack of a contract that has caused us to have a bit of a rocky start too…..where i thought he should be more strict and he didn’t think i even knew what i was asking for. But with or without a contract, in any good marriage of any lifestyle preference, communication is key.

We don’t always get it right…. no one does though. But we do strive to have effective communication always. Sometimes i struggle to find the right way to speak in a submissive tone, especially when i am stressed, angry, or adamant about a topic. This too is a learning process for both of us and likely always will be.

The biggest area of communication that causes the most strife for us typically starts with David speaking to me where he uses words that sound like i have a choice. The problem lies when i can’t tell if it is a true choice or not. Instead of telling me to do something, he might phrase it where it is optional.

For example, if we were to be having dinner out at a restaurant, David might say something like, “I think you need to get ready to go.” Now that’s not too confusing. While worded like a thought or his opinion, it’s really him informing me to go do it. This is especially true if i knew we were having dinner out. But say i was intending to wear what i had on at that moment out, what does that mean now? i thought i WAS ready, but now he is clearly indicating he doesn’t think so.

So now i have worked to communicate, in a respectful tone, my confusion. i’d probably say something like, “Please Sir could you use more direct words? i am not understanding your intentions.”

And he might would then say, “You are dressed too casual for the restaurant we are going to. You should wear pants (or a dress) rather than the shorts you have on.”

Now it’s clear to me. And i will get up and go change. Right then. I’d do it right then because that too shows respect. i find his directive something of importance to be followed RIGHT THEN and he appreciates that. So in this case, actions speak louder than words in expressing my respect towards him.

So back to the contract part…. we didn’t draft one at the start because we didn’t even know what it might would contain. And now, it kinda seems unnecessary. i know the rules. Again, they aren’t written, but like anything in life … you figure out what you can/can’t do or what you should/shouldn’t do. So my rules are ultimately still very clearly me.

i am to: be respectful, use kind words, never assume he will do something just because i ask, make my body available to him when he wants, do not touch myself in a sexual way without his permission, do not assume his body is available to me without asking permission, and orgasms have to be allowed (i have to ask first!) before i do so. And if these things are not done, expect consequences….. or said plainly: punishment…. in various forms, but primarily spanking.

And again, David isn’t afraid to enforce the rules. Nor is he remorseful about enforcing the rules. He will say something like, “You knew what to do. You didn’t do it. You know the consequences. So I’ll administer that now. And it will be over and done.”

Because ultimately, i’d tell you that while he enforces things, it’s the submissive who has control….. control to do as we have both agreed. Or to accept the consequences. i still have a lot of control, even though it may not seem like it at first.

So in reflecting from One Year (and a Day) ago to today…. i’m happy to say this IS a lifestyle, and also happy to say that i am NOT more strict than David. And instead, David is firmly in control. And always prepared to administer punishment if i don’t make wise decisions. And i love my discipline life!

The more things change….. the more they stay the same!

Hugs,

Marie

106 – Sometimes Submission Hurts.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Punishment, Spanking, Submission. 7 Comments on 106 – Sometimes Submission Hurts.

More backstory…..About the Worst Spanking Everrrrr.

i heard your concern. And i truly love all of you for feeling comfortable enough to express yourself.

But i think maybe i need to share more with you about what led up to The Worst Spanking Everrrr too. Because context is everything and frankly, i just am not sure i have given you enough.

i always debate how much backstory to give, how much is enough or not enough. i always worry i will bore you (and me too!!) with all these unnecessary tedious details. So sometimes, and this may have been one of those times, some of the details are NOT unnecessary and NOT tedious …. so here goes…..

Did you happen to notice i didn’t give you a lot of info about our vacation? YES it went well. YES what i said was true. i just didn’t go into a lot of detail either……until now…..

Soooo while we stayed in someone else’s house and with our son there too, we knew the discipline would be nonexistent. And i also knew from prior experiences that while David TALKS a lot about keeping a list, tracking the transgressions, making amends upon return…. he almost never follows through.

And i knew it. So every time something happened on vacation that i didn’t like or agree with, i told him. Quite plainly. Quite intentionally. Quite literally….. to test him.

Ok, so that last bit….. testing him….. that was raw and it hurt to type it. i wish i hadn’t said some of the things i did while on vacation. And i was MUCH more bold at the start than at the end. But what’s done is done!

At the start of the week, i was bold and proud and stated what i wanted to in any way i wanted! And he would say, “watch it” and i said “ok”. And he’d say, “I mean it!” And i’d say, “Yes Sir.” But it didn’t deter me. Not really anyway.

This pattern of “edgy – not-so-submissive” attitude and behavior continued. i knew i was playing with fire, but like a fire…. i expected it would eventually flame out and by the time we were home, it would be nothing more than ash.

Since i haven’t given you even one example of what i’m talking about, let me give you one now….

And i was reminded of this particular one because of the word “fire”…….

The people’s home that we stayed in had an outdoor hot tub and fire pit next to one another. We went and got stuff to make s’mores. And i asked David to find out about how to start the fire pit (gas, logs, etc). But he didn’t. And the next day, i said, “we want to do this and you should see about asking today!” He (again) warned me to watch the tone. And i said, “ok.”

Later that day, he started the fire and told us. But our son and i were playing a board game at the time (that easily could have been paused!) and i just said, “ok, we will finish this first.”

And he said, “The fire will go out soon if you don’t get out here and do this.”

i responded, “well fine then!” (In a sarcastic tone). And we went outside.

Then after s’mores, he cleaned up all the remnants (wrappers, extra supplies), and put out the fire while we got in the hot tub. i don’t remember even thanking him, and being honest, i was wondering why he was taking the time to get water and douse the fire logs to put out the fire (100%). i thought it unnecessary since the fire pit was a brick/stand alone put and it seemed a waste of time. ………. (Never mind the fact that “IF” it was needed and NOT done, the whole house could’ve burned down! So the real risk was NOT putting out the entire fire, compared to taking a few trips to get cups of water to fully extinguish the flames.)

Just to put a bit of “good” in this post…. here’s a picture of the sunset view we had that night…. from the hot tub…… (isn’t it absolutely beautiful????)

Now i know that wasn’t such a “terrible” situation but it wasn’t anywhere near “great” either. i was sassy and showed no respect for David. Equally, i also didn’t even appreciate the fact that he not only asked (the homeowners) about the fire …. but he actually went and started it too! And then put it out. And then allowed me and our son to sit and relax in the hot tub too.

And after that attitude and behavior are repeated over and over …. all week long…… it adds up.

And again, i was more or less … testing him. But again, i didn’t figure the Fire would be even be a lit when we were home, so i gave no concern!

Like before, with my previous Post, i guess i haven’t still given you a bunch of examples or specifics. But like before too, i don’t know if all that is necessary or not. If you think it IS necessary to have those details, go ahead and ask!

Then when we were leaving the airport to head home in our vehicle, it seemed David was driving unnecessarily aggressive. i think he was just ready to be home. So i said, “we aren’t in a rush. You need to slow down. This is aggressive driving and not necessary.”

He just glared at me at me and said, “quite enough!”

So i didn’t exactly slip back to submissive ways upon arriving back home! And while what i observed about his driving was indeed true, i didn’t say it at all kind! And our son heard it too. So i didn’t set any sort of positive/good example either!

And just like that… We were home….. and no punishment happened.

It seemed i was right…. the fire had died and only the ash remained. As usual. Per always. No big deal.

There’s NO burn from just ash!

Except it was….. A big deal…..To Me! i didn’t think that’s how it should go. If he isn’t going to follow through, then why waste the breath to say the words? Why even start the fire?? And if you are, then just use that breath to blow it out right then and there!?!

Then you come to yesterday…….

i have told David in (a few) words here and there that i don’t want all the golf lessons. But not very directly or clearly.

i went out to the course with an attitude. i knew it when i got in the car! And it showed itself when i was warming up. And he warned me then.

If you remember, that was when he said he’d take me to the woods and spank me then and there. And i called his bluff. i knew he wouldn’t do it! And i told him so!

So when i blamed him on the course for me having a bad putt…. and he KNEW that i knew to watch the tone and attitude and he had ALREADY WARNED ME!

THAT was when he got angry. And THAT was when he took action. And THAT was when he told me to walk home.

Now ….. i feel like you need a bit of my backstory/thoughts on this too……

We have a LONG history of getting mad at one another and leaving/walking away. Instead of me just doing it (or him just doing it), this time he tested me. i had tested him for over a week and now he was testing me.

He wanted to see how stubborn i was going to be. OR would i submit. Would i actually listen!?!

Additionally, i asked him to help me get into shape and Exercise. And what he didn’t tell me was that he planned all along to quit playing golf longgggg before i was home and to pick me up. Because he wasn’t having any fun at that point either. But he didn’t tell me that…. because again, it was a test. For me. To see what level of difficulty or attitude he was really dealing with. But in the meantime, i would walk (a bit!) and get the exercise i would get anyway.

And when he picked me up, the part i didn’t tell you before…. because i truly never know what detail(s) are enough, too much, just right……

i didn’t jump in the car immediately. He drove beside me and stopped. And i kept walking. He moved up and stopped. And that’s when he said, “Are you getting in?”

And i gave the biggest smart ass answer of all. i said, “i dunno. You haven’t given me permission to get in!”

That’s when he got Reallyyyyy angry. He said, “get in the car now or you will be walking all the way home!”

But it took my own self-talk of, “don’t be stubborn. Just get in the damn car!” To actually get me in the car. So i did.

By the time we got home…. ALL of these things had piled up between us. And neither of us had to speak because we both were angry. We both knew that the way i have been acting is inappropriate.

The fire was NOT just ash… it was flaming high! And my bottom was about to touch it!

He has NO problem listening to me speak …. when i do it in the right way. But the way i’ve been doing it poorly for 10-days now. Even i know, it wasn’t respectful or kind….. and most definitely not submissive!

So maybe that helps you to understand WHY i never saw any of this as extreme. It was overdue actually. It was necessary actions by him that were brought on by me.

SOMETIMES SUBMISSION HURTS.

Sometimes it is not so glamorous. And the pain is real. But submissiveness, in our house, isn’t JUST erotic and sexy. Sometimes it is, but sometimes… it’s not. And it isn’t just INSIDE our house either. But that’s how i’ve acted about it. That’s how i’ve treated it lately especially.

So sometimes, my mind needs a reset by causing my ass to be sore.

And that’s when submission can truly hurt! My ass is still sore but my attitude is infinitely better!

Even so…. i am OK! In fact, i’m better than ok!

And when i played with the Fire…. i got burned. A real butt-burner indeed!

Hugs,

Marie

105 – Worst Spanking Everrrrrrrrr

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Punishment, Spanking, Submission. 17 Comments on 105 – Worst Spanking Everrrrrrrrr

i now know the intensity to which Sir can swing the paddle!

i did not realize how much i have underestimated his commitment to enforcing the lifestyle we have with him being (truly) in control. Until today.

And that makes you ask, “what happened?” Ok, i’ll tell you how i got here….. “here” being sitting ever-so-cautiously on my ever-so-reddened-and-already-bruised-ass! (It hurts SO bad just sitting right now! It is throbbing and i am SO very aware of it with every breath!)

(NO, that photo is NOT me…. but it probably should have been. And it almost was. And my ass is currently redder than that one is too!)

A little bit of backstory……

When we met, he taught me how to play golf. That was almost 25-years ago. He always has been and always will be better than i am. We both know this, and it’s all good and we regularly play together.

Because he taught me to play, he continues to “teach” me ……all the time…. and i don’t accept it (anymore) as graciously as i should or used to. Oh sometimes i like it even now, and i used to always like it… back when i still endeavored to play better. But now, i am to the place that i have a good “enough” game that i know i can play with anyone, so i can just want to go have fun!

So with the “help” that Sir (continually) offers, i feel like every decision i make… club choice, stance, target, alignment, swing, follow through, and …..my attitude…. is under a microscope and all of this takes the fun out of it. Again, at this point in my life and skill set, i just go out to have fun and enjoy the friendship with Sir and others we play with too. And i truly don’t care about improving.

i have considered quitting the game altogether, but i keep thinking i will find a way to tell him, “i just want to have FUN! Please Sir talk about something – anything – except for how to improve my game.” If i could do that, i would still be able to go out to enjoy the game and time together with my Sir. But i continue to fail in this endeavor.

And today’s failure was epic!

We went out this morning and were playing with some friends. This is all good.. so far anyway.

When we were still warming up, he offered some “help,” and i said, “i got this.” And i guess i said it too aggressively or annoyed or something because he came back at me and said, “Don’t test me! You know you are to submit! If you don’t, I won’t hesitate to take you in the woods and use my belt on your ass!”

i said, “Yes Sir” out loud…..

But THEN a minute later i added, “While i heard what you said, i truly don’t think you’d do that. You aren’t going to embarrass either of us in front of all these people or make an awkward moment for our friends.”

And he asked me, “Are you testing me?”

To which in my head, i thought, “Indeed i am! i truly don’t think you’d do any of that! So why even say things we both know aren’t true or really EVER going to happen!?!??”………

But out of my mouth, i said, “No Sir.” (i do keep my mouth shut sometimes! But not often! Lol)

And with that, we were off to the first hole. Then it was on the 3rd hole, is when the real problem occurred!

i was about to putt when he said, “It’s uphill.” (Meaning, hit it a bit harder.) And i thought, “Ignore it. Just have fun.”

But that’s when i slammed the putt and sent the ball wayyyyyyyyyy past the hole. That’s when i looked at him and said, “Yes, i knew it was uphill.” And while the rest of our group heckled me for hitting the ball into another state, David was angry.

As we got back into our cart, he said, “Do not EVER speak to me that way again. It was completely unnecessary and uncalled for!”

To which i responded, “Yes Sir.”

And while i was silent then on, it went downhill from there. A few holes later, after we had sat in complete silence…..he said, “You need to walk home. Now!”

So while i was COMPLETELY angry and did NOT think this was necessary…. i did as i was told. i reallyyyyyyyy wanted to tell him that this was extreme and uncalled for. But i didn’t. i didn’t say a word at all actually, and got out of the cart and started walking. It was probably a 1/2 mile back to the clubhouse, and we live 6-miles from the club too. i did NOT want to do this but i also knew i had to! And i decided that by the time i would be home, not only would i get my steps in for the day, but i would have worked out this anger too.

When i was gone about 5-minutes (not long), Sir texted me and said, “Do not EVER blame me again for something you did!”

Well…….. i knew i should’ve simply said, “Yes Sir” and left it alone. But i didn’t (🤭). Instead, i said, “i heard you the first time and i said ‘Yes Sir’ then and i was silent afterward. And then you tell me to walk home.” (Yeah… i know…. not smart!)

He wrote, “Yes I did! And do you have an issue with that?”

Again, the right answer would be, “No Sir” and be done… but nah…. that’s not my style….. sooooooo….. i wrote……

“YES i do! i did as i was told, yet, you are still mad and taking it out on me!”

And he wrote, “So you are refusing to submit?”

i wrote back, “So i AM doing as told, and i AM walking home. But YES, i do have an issue with it!”

And that’s when i just “had to add”……

“and when i pass out on the road – you have only yourself to blame!”

Yeah, i know…. i was COMPLETELY out of line…. but hey…. go big or go home…. oh, wait, i WAS going home! 🤣🤣🤣

And we texted no more.

i probably walked a mile from the course when he pulled up beside me. And i got in and we drove home in complete silence. (i was pretty grateful when drove up because i was pretty concerned if i’d be able to walk ALL the way home without bodily damage… aka: blisters, heat stroke, severe aches/pains. There IS a reason i want to Exercise… but three days in, i’m NOT in good shape…, yet!)

When we pulled in the driveway, he said, “Go inside and Assume The Position Immediately.”

And i did as i was told. Still in complete silence.

He came in and picked up the paddle and wasted NO time in getting to the point.

WHACK!

WHACK!

WHACK!

Three in a row. NO warm up AT ALL! All with such intensity that i was already cringing and moving around.

WHACK!

WHACK!

Five before he said a word! He asked me, “what makes you think that you only have to submit to me inside our home? “

WHACK!

“Why do you regularly test me and my authority when we leave home??”

WHACK!

“Do you think you are in charge and can only submit when YOU want to?”

WHACK!

Eight in. He never let up long enough for me to respond, so i wasn’t sure if i should try. But i was hyperventilating and felt the tears welling up. He has never hit with such intensity before. i was in shock and surprise.

While we DO have safe words and i debated using it today, i KNEW i HAD to accept this punishment in all that he would administer. So i know now that i will NEVER use those safe words. i don’t need to. i AM already safe. i trust Sir implicitly. i know he will give me what i need and deserve. i also know he will never abuse the power we have both agreed belongs to him. And i will always submit to everything he gives me!

WHACK!

When will it be over? Should i speak now? We’re all those questions rhetorical? We both know the answers already anyway!

WHACK!

Ten. Maybe that’s all.

He said, “Do you know who is in charge?”

This time, i did respond, “Yes Sir. You are.”

“Do you intend to submit 100% of the time from now on?”

“Yes Sir.”

WHACK!

Crap… more. i can barely breath or talk and the tears are in my eyes. How many more??

That’s when he stood me up and hugged me for a good long time….. fully until i was able to breathe again and completely calm. Then he said, “we are done. But you’ll do better in the future. Correct?”

“Yes Sir.”

And i put my head down and walked to the bathroom to shower and truly/completely recover.

That’s when i thought it was over…… And i was wrong!

He came in about 5-minutes later. i was still in the shower yet. And he said, “I didn’t get the impression you were truly remorseful. We may need to start all over.”

And he left.

That was confusing. Now what? Do i re-Assume The Position or not? Please no! My ass stings so badly and the shower water feels like it is spanking me too as i clean it!

But i got out of the shower, went to him, and said, “i am remorseful, but if you don’t think i have acted so, i will submit to a repeat session.”

And he looked me square in the eye and said, “I think we do! Let’s go! Right NOW!”

And he followed me in the bedroom. And we repeated it!

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

And just like that… the hyperventilating and tears returned.

After FIVE more and no pause or words in between, he said, “why did you slink off to the shower? You didn’t seem remorseful but rather still angry. Inappropriate!”

As i was trying to breathe, unsure if another lick was about to fall, and trying to compose myself and thoughts enough to speak…. i said, “i was feeling surprised, humiliated, and trying to stay out of more trouble by just keeping my head down.”

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

“WHO is in control?”

“You are Sir!”

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

“WHO?”

“You Sir. i’m so sorry Sir.”

WHACK!

“Say it again!”

“You are in control Sir and i am sorry Sir.”

Breathe….. prepare for another…. it isn’t coming…. he isn’t speaking….. wait….. breathe slower…. get a grip…..no more are falling, i think maybe it’s over….. this is a long pause….. i am nervous. But i WILL SUBMIT and simply wait!

He stood me up and looked at me.

i looked him in the eye and said, “i am sorry Sir. Thank you for the discipline and your leadership.”

He then said, “I now believe you are remorseful. Why didn’t you apologize the first time?”

“i was embarrassed. And surprised at your intensity. And at your commitment to being in charge. And i wasn’t sure how to respond exactly.”

“In the future, you look me in the eye and you thank me. You don’t slink off or put your head down. Or else we will repeat the punishment again and again until you do.”

“Yes Sir. i love you Sir.”

And he hugged me, and said, “I love you too!”

And it was (finally) over.

And now my ass is more sore than it has EVER been. It hurts to walk, sit, or stand. It is bruised. And it’s no wonder, with 24 very hard and fast whacks in a span of about 20-minutes.

i have NO doubt it will hurt still tomorrow too!

But… it’s over. And it’s ok. i am OK!

i actually respect him more. He is indeed in control. And i have NO doubt he will do what it takes to ensure order remains inside AND out of our house too!

Final words….. so while i names this post “worst spanking ever”…. ,Anne it was the “BEST spanking ever” because we had a break through. A lot changed today….namely: my perspective. And appreciation. And respect. For David. My Sir.

If i had any doubt before, i have NO doubt now……. he is indeed my Sir. And i will always very happily submit to him!

Final (final) words…. to DOMINANTS…… while i can’t speak for all submissives, it is my opinion that we respect you MORE for taking control and doing what needs to be done. Instead of giving a pass, letting something slide, or shying away from discipline altogether. Remember…. many of us, including me, asked you to implement this lifestyle. We know what we signed up for. Please do! Embrace it. Go all in!

And that’s how i feel…. more respect now than ever…. at least until the next time i sit down. JJ. Lol.

Hugs,

Marie

Day 16 – My Submissiveness

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on Day 16 – My Submissiveness

DAY 16: DIFFICULTIES…What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Hmm. This is a hard one for me to answer really. Probably because admitting your faults (or difficulties) is never a fun thing to do or talk about. But i guess i’d have to say…..

Not taking over. Not snatching back the authority i gave up. i do this a lot …. with David AND God.

When i was little, my Mom would tell me to “Give it to God.” And so i would. i would pray. And a day (or two) later, i’d (more or less) decide God took too long and i’d go “fix it myself.” Of course, this never worked then or now… but it feels like i am “doing” something!

Some of this “take it back” attitude basically comes from the idea of “empowerment”. Ok, even i’m not sure that makes complete sense in just one sentence, so let me explain…..

i grew up believing some of the rhetoric we hear in life, like “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” And like Nike says, “Just Do it.” And don’t forget the idea of, “you can do anything you set your mind to.”

So…. i have. Just done it. Myself. Anything i wanted to.

Couple this with the fact that i absolutely HATE asking for help. NO, i am NOT too stubborn or too prideful to accept it. Rather i know when i ask for help, i (feel like i) am putting someone else out to have them stop what they are doing and to help me. And i feel bad that i did that to them. (Never mind the fact that sometimes it is/ was their JOB to do what i need… i’ve still felt bad that i imposed upon them.)

The trouble is: i can’t always do everything myself. There are things i am simply not strong enough or have time enough to do myself.

i’ve read several business-minded self-help books that tell you, to know your strengths AND your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths yourself, and hire out (to an expert) your weaknesses, thereby making your weakness into a strength also.

So WHY is giving up control… and not snatching it back…. hard for me?

Because when it isn’t done in my timetable or to my level of standards, i get the attitude of, “get out of my way and i’ll just do this myself already!”

And maybe in some parts of my life (and especially at work!) this works.

But not in my marriage. Or with God.

In our D/s lifestyle, this type of behavior is more commonly called, “Topping from the bottom.” Because the person on “top” should be the Dom setting the standard/pace and in charge. While the person on “bottom” should be the sub, who listens/follows directives and is NOT in charge. So if/when i try to do David’s part from my position, i am topping from the bottom.

It has taken a lot of concentration and focus on my part to NOT snatch back the control i gave up… or might never have even had … and to wait. On David AND God.

Be Patient.

Recognize my way isn’t the only way.

Heck, my way may not even be the best or right way!

And if i stay in my role and do what i’m supposed to do, greater things lie ahead than what even i have dreamt of.

[i’ve been told to pray and ask God to give me patience. i did that once. Never again. i wouldn’t say i learned patience, but rather i learned just how impatient i really am! oh my!]

i won’t tell you i have mastered the “stay on bottom” part, but i do try hard(er) now than ever before. In part because of this blog and a follower. She told me in a comment that was what i was doing, and my first reaction was, “no i’m not. You just don’t know me/David.” i didn’t type that though in my response to her comment, instead i only thought it in my head. Yet, it weighed heavy on me until i changed my thought to be, “ok, maybe you are right.” And eventually i deleted the word, “maybe” from that sentence and let it simply be, “ok, you are right.”

Once i got to that place of acceptance, i have worked to be more submissive……… and patient, waiting on directive, staying in my lane, doing my part.

And when i succeed, i get rewards …… but when i fail, i get a raw bottom.

i will keep fighting against my impatience, work harder, and relish the benefits when they come…. and accept the punishments when they come too …… because as we all know, at that point it’s deserved.

But that is definitely my weakest point and most difficult part as a submissive.

Hugs,

Marie