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198 – IT problems galore

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts. No Comments on 198 – IT problems galore

So completely not my blog topic, but definitely been applicable as of late…..

IT problems and me go hand in hand. David and our son quite literally say, “It’s a technology/ IT thing… “ to me on a regular basis.

Last week David went out of town for work for 2-days. While he was gone, i went to the garage to go to work and the garage door opener just wasn’t working. We had electricity to the house, so i wasn’t sure of the motor had gone out or what exactly. I decided to go flip the breaker and see if it made a difference. It did not. Had to raise/lower the door by hand [NOT EASY] for 2-days. David got home, did the exact same thing as me.,. It worked.

A month ago, the tv wouldn’t come on. i changed the remote batteries out, still didn’t work. Our son picks up the remote, pushes the power button… it worked.

Here’s my latest drama….

Over the weekend, (2-days ago, i became aware that my site was not working. It worked on the inside, but not on the outside. In other words, it looked like it was working from my side and i posted a blog message. But when David went to read it from a browser, it wouldn’t load at all.

The first message received was a 404 error. When i looked up how to fix it, it talked about permalink and resetting them. So i did that.

Then the original error message changed, and now went to one saying, “warning: potential security risk ahead”. Googled some more, messed with it some more.

Now the error message went to, “your connection is not private”

So googled and found some more to-do’s. Did that too.

And FINALLY… i think the website is operating again. Or so i have been told.

That’s the good news….but of course…. there still remains some new and still unresolved IT issues.

I can’t access my own site still, at least not on my laptop. i am typing from my tablet access because NOW my computer won’t open Google at all.

When I click on the Google Chrome icon, i get a spinning blue circle for a second and then it just stops. Nothing happens.

From my phone, i searched what could cause this and it says the anti virus can. So i turned it off. Still nothing.

Googled some more, and says “try deleting chrome and reinstalling it.” So i did that.

Then when i go to reinstall, had to use Microsoft Edge.

And when i got to the Google chrome download…. My machine says, “can’t access the internet.” W-H-A-T??

i thought i ought to reboot. Made no difference.

Then thought to hardwire (not WiFi) my machine… it doesn’t have The right kind of plug outlet (has HDMI, but whatever that big one is called is what i don’t have).

So NOW i have to have a converter to hard wire to the internet, to reinstall Google chrome, to hopefully find out first hand my website blog is back operational.

😖😣😖😣😖

Do you ever just think, “W-H-Y???” Yah, that’s me right now.

Can you access my actual website?? Or do you read this through the WordPress app???

Here’s the site: http://www.LovingDisciplineLife.com

Let me know if you can get to it…. Cuz right now i can’t even get on the internet. 😕

Hugs,

Marie

187 – what is “submissive service”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, my submissiveness, Submission. 1 Comment on 187 – what is “submissive service”

(This is a long post, but after reading through it several times trying to find things that i thought could/should be cut… i didn’t want to…. so… it is what it is.)

i have talked a bit about this before. But i feel like talking again. So i will. Ha. And in reading this nonfiction book that i mentioned before, “Real Service” by Tenpenny and Kaldera, i have new thoughts to add, at least i hope anyway.

But before i dive in, i want to give a couple of (only my opinion) thoughts of “what’s the difference between a submissive and a slave. Because while i’d love to be a “sexual slave,” to my husband, i am not. i am quite thoroughly and completely “just a submissive wife” in every aspect.

And why do i make a point to make this distinction? Well… keep reading and it will hopefully become more obvious.

Similarities: Both a submissive and a slave conform to a Dominant’s will, both defer to another’s authority and both ultimately find their own pleasure in making someone else happy. At its core, a submissive and a slave provide a service(s) to a Dominant.

Differences: And while both submissive and slave have a lot in common, they are still quite different too. At its core, a submissive is more free and has more control than a slave. Not to say a submissive is “less” than a slave, because i am NOT diminishing the significance or importance of a submissive whatsoever! It’s just that a submissive has more free-thinking-authority than a slave.

A slave has less control of one self than a submissive. A slave makes less decisions than a submissive. A slave has their decisions taken away from them (freely) whereas a submissive makes decisions (within the given authority of the Dominant). A slave requires more effort of the Dominant (to control and make the decisions for the slave), than what is required of a Dominant with a submissive.

So i guess my ideal combination would be to submit to my husband in everything… except sex. For sex, i would much prefer to have all my control and decisions be taken from me and to be his slave. But it’s not up to me. i suppose in an odd way of thinking of it, having no control over this decision… makes me a slave to the situation!?! (Hmm, not sure if i think that sentence is true really, but having “no control” is at the essence of a slave’s situation/persona… so maybe ??)

What is in my control is learning to be the best submissive wife i can be… which i would ultimately have to admit… includes sex too.

Submissive wife:

i am my husband’s best friend… and submissive wife. (And he is my best friend…. and Dominant husband).

When people say you can’t live a D/s or kinky lifestyle 24/7, i disagree. This is exactly what and how we do it. i am his submissive wife 24/7. That is at least until we slip out of our ways of doing things because of stupid things like “work stress” monopolizing our “home life”…. which is another topic of “how exactly do you maintain the ways of doing things 365-days a year without slipping away from it.” (Good question… i haven’t mastered it!)

i recently saw someone else post a blog that was basically where we have been lately, and she called the “out of the D/s routine” as being in a “rut.” And i suppose that’s a great way to think and a great word for it too. (Again, how to NOT go into a “rut” isn’t in my wheelhouse just yet… and back to today’s blog….)

While i agree there are some things that you simply can’t do 24/7 due to its extreme level/intensity, there are a lot of dominance and submission that absolutely can be done 24/7.

As i mentioned, i am reading the non-fiction book, “Real Service,” where the authors make a point to say and explain how a submissive provides service to a Dominant. And that “service” comes in many forms, including sexual but not just sexual. Service tasks range in its complexity from mundane of housework, errands/shopping, and paying bills, up to other specific things that would fit this particular D/s dynamic like secretarial, being a chauffeur, butler, or chef… and always companionship.

The key is ensuring that whatever services are provided from the sub to the Dom is what the DOM WANTS! The service is meaningless if the Dom doesn’t want (or need) it.

In one section of the book, the author (a Dom) talks about how his sub was performing tasks that the sub thought the Dom wanted, but in fact the Dom did not. The Dom realized he was upsetting his sub when in fact what the sub was doing wasn’t at all important, needed, or valued by the Dom.

The author writes, “Faced with his [the sub’s] disappointment, I had two choices: I could beat myself up for not being able to do this [“this” meaning the Master trying to become satisfied with what the sub was doing for the Master], or we could work together on making the activities that were meaningful for me likewise meaningful for him. And we chose the second option.”

The first key point or takeaway i have here is:

Even if i want to do it, if it means nothing to David…. it isn’t what i should be doing. i need to be doing what David wants, not what i want or what i think he wants.

Sometimes if i were being fully honest, i think i do things trying to impress him and ultimately find favor in order to receive his praise. Only for him to find that he didn’t want or need it, but he now has to decide to: 1) hurt my feelings by telling me it wasn’t wanted, 2) learn to like what i did, 3) give praise for something he neither wanted, asked for, or needed. And let’s face it, options #2 &3 are lying/deceitful to me (and forcing him to bend to me) and may make me think he liked my efforts, leading me to repeat them to get #2 &3 to occur again… vicious circle. All the while, i was just trying to provide a (good) service go/for him but going about it in all the wrong ways.

That seems obvious at its core, i get that. But sometimes i (and maybe other subs too) am certain i know what will make him happy and set out to do these things, only to be disappointed upon figuring out that wasn’t at all what i should be focused on and it didn’t make David happy one iota. And likewise, it puts David in a position to either accept (and learn to like) the service i am giving him… or for him to teach/train me to give the service he is actually wanting (and for me to be happy doing that task instead).

So being reminded to do what he wants, not what I think he wants, is pretty key!

Going back to the submissive versus slave part, i would love nothing more than to be David’s sex-slave not “just” his submissive. But it’s just not what he wants. He wants me to be a submissive wife…. in ALL aspects, including sex.

When it comes to sex specifically, being a submissive doesn’t feel like it is “enough”. At least not for me. But i’d say David thinks being a submissive, even for sex, is plenty enough. So at the end of the day, i am fully aware that what i’d like to do or be… a sex slave… is irrelevant.

i would like to be told (“made”) to…….

Be naked as much as possible, strut in front of him, sit on the floor beside him, not be allowed to be out of his sight, have my mouth stuffed with his cock regularly, sit on his cock and do all the work to get him to orgasm, stuffed with a dildo to stretch enough to accommodate him without any difficulty, be spanked if not wet at the moment he wants/needs me to be, to be punished if unwanted pubic hair is ever found, to wear a butt plug to stretch the back whenever he wants, to be taken when i am sleeping for no other reason than because he wants me, to be tied up or gagged in positions that he has full access, to wear a chastity belt most of the time, to be shared if he wants to, and and and ……i could go on…….

Don’t misinterpret what i am saying to mean i am not my husband’s submissive for sex… because i am. But i want to be MORE than just submissive for sex. i want to be owned, and to have no other options available to me, as it comes to sex. (i love being his submissive wife for all the mundane things of life, but i would really love to be his sexual slave to in the bedroom too.)

But….. that’s not really what i think David wants. If he did want these things, he’d be doing it. Or maybe he does want it, but it’s just not a practical way to live 24-7, 365-a year. So maybe “just” being a submissive is the better way to do things…. most of the time and a sex-slave “only on occasion.”

The author continued by saying, “The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process…..might be “No one is going to die if I do things Master’s way.””

This is true for all service rendered by a sub to her Dom. And for me, in the daily-submissive-wife-things i typically do think this way. i often find myself thinking, “while this isn’t how i would do it, my way isn’t necessarily better or his worse even… so just do it his way and be ok with it.”

But when it comes to wanting to be “more” for sexual activities (read “sex-slave”), i ultimately want to have my entire sexual being become his play toy at any time or any place he wants. But David wants it a different way. And i need to be be ok with that. i need to learn to do it his way, which for me feels “less” than what i want to give and what i think he deserves. But at the end of the day, …..I never want to be the source of his disappointment or him having to figure out how to like what i want to give and let’s face it: “no one is going to die if i do things Master’s [David’s] way.”

i suppose most of this is common sense really, but it was also a lightbulb moment for me in that thinking of…. “of course that makes sense. It’s the best way for the D/s relationship to truly work in harmony”. That said, if it was ALL common sense for everyone, there wouldn’t be a need for the Book i am reading to have been written at all! Right??

Anyway…. i have realized my submissive wife homework is to become more in tune with:

1) is this service (any service, including sexual) something David wants or is it something i want him to want?

2) if it’s the latter, what would he want?

3) and if it’s the former, am i doing it in a way that’s fully pleasing to him?

i am really enjoying this book… maybe you should consider reading it too. It’s not just for subs either!

Hugs,

Marie

176 – 2021 Texas Snowmaggedon is over!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 176 – 2021 Texas Snowmaggedon is over!

Today is Saturday. The temp is currently 28 here, with a projected high of 57 today. i am thankful for this week to be O-V-E-R and may it never return to my part of the world ever again!

There were a lot of little things that went wrong this week that added up to a lot of anxiety and stress for me. But in all honesty, overall my family faired well in the end.

Of course in the midst of any situation, good or bad, you don’t know how the story ends and you can get a lot more anxious than you need to be. And like everything, the more times you do something the more routine it becomes and the less stress you have from it.

Texans just don’t have experience with this much…… cold, snow, ice, busted pipes, cars that won’t start, clothes that aren’t thick enough, ability to drive in this weather, snow plows, plane de-icing machines, antifreeze, fireplaces, firewood………. the list could go on. So we reacted awful in the moment.

i have heard so many people, myself included, who have said, “i would rather have a hurricane than this,” just shows that practice does make perfect. In my lifetime, i can remember living through 3 very significant hurricane experiences, plus 3 more tropical storm-bad rain experiences. That amounts to one event about every 10-years. And this is the first time i have ever had this much cold-snow-ice events to live through.

But i realized somewhere in the middle of it all, that being grateful for what you have….. not yearning for what isn’t yours, can’t be right now, or is simply unattainable [all the way down to a cup of hot coffee] …… is a better way to live.

People talk about “when i have time” or “when i can afford it” all the time. And while there is an element of truth in that, for many of us that’s not really anything more than an excuse.

Soooo…… why am i rambling??? And what is the point of all this???

All to say, “normal” is good. My normal is a (Christian based) Domestic Discipline lifestyle. Yes, it includes a lot of discipline, including being spanked. i welcome authority and the consequences thereafter if the rules (that we both freely agreed to) are not followed.

Thankfully, i was not disciplined this week.

i did as i was instructed when it came to wrapping the pipes at the start, turning the water off, opening the spigots, waiting for the electricity to return, calling the natural gas company when we smelled it, getting the dog back inside when she escaped the front door and ran down the street like an escaped convict, getting the frozen poor dead bird out of the driveway, changing the battery in the fire alarm, getting the new battery in the car after it froze up and having to go to 4-places before finding one that was open and had batteries in stock, ensuring the phones were powered up, being understanding when food options were limited to what was not frozen and could be cooked solely on the stove, and (doing my very best) to keep a positive attitude about it all as much as possible.

So we even skipped maintenance yesterday too.

i am grateful. And thankful. And survived the Great Texas Snowmaggedon 2021! And may it never return!

Electricity… and my life…. are going back to normal…. starting now! And i couldn’t be more grateful!

Won’t deny… one of the best things about this week was i heard NO discussion about COVID, masks, or anything of this stupid pandemic! i got a break from that conversation for a few days at least.

(i told you… i’d be MUCH happier when the power came back on…. and the Texas heat is restored to its natural state! 😉)

Hugs,

Marie

174 – The Right generation is?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 174 – The Right generation is?

In my last post, i made talk of the 1950’s housewife. How she would have (probably) been a submissive wife and received, “corporal punishment,” also known as spankings.

i have sometimes thought i was born in the wrong generation. i mean if spanking was common place then for them, maybe if i were apart of their generation that i would have fit in better than i do now. That generation as opposed to the actual generation that we live in now.

i wouldn’t have to wear a (figurative) mask or keep my home life a secret to anyone, because in that generation it wouldn’t have been a secret at all. i think. i really have no idea for sure if in the 1950’s it was all families who practiced disciplining of wives or not, or how much it was talked about or not, or how much it was actually common place really, but i feel sure it wasn’t frowned upon then (or seen as such a faux pas) as much as it is now.

i have visions of wives getting together for lunch and the conversation being maybe something like….

“So how has your week gone?”

And the response maybe being, “yeah, I really wasn’t very good this week because I (fill in the blank) , for which my husband was sure to correct that behavior in a hurry. My bottom is still sore from it and I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”

And her friend saying, “yeah, I know what you mean as I had a similar week too. My bottom is still sore to sit on too. I earned a punishment because….”

i think in the 1950’s these types of conversations wouldn’t be a major big thing, or considered a kink, or a faux pas but rather just the way of life for (most) everyone. It was probably just common talk about any normal week gone by.

But could you imagine going to work now in this generation and your co-workers asking, “do anything exciting or interesting over the weekend?”

And you responding with, “yeah so I disrespected my husband and got turned over his knee. He was so mad he turned it beat red. How was your weekend?”

N-O-P-E! Not a fat chance of that ever happening!

So i don’t think i would have to wear a mask if i were living in the 1950’s-wife era, at least not about this topic anyway. And that last part, “about this topic” is where i give pause to this “longing to be a 1950’s generation wife”.

For that also gives way to stop and think about how that generation would NOT fit me in many other ways. i wouldn’t have the job that i do now if i were in the 50’s since i would’ve just been a housewife (NOT anything wrong with housewives, just noting differences in my current life and what my life would, be then). Far more women didn’t work then due to THAT being a faux pas. “No wife of mine will be working outside our home!” would have been a common phrase uttered by many a husbands in that generation.

i would be wearing dresses, heels, pantyhose, and make up every-single-day in the 1950’s, with touch-ups to make myself beautiful for him to arrive home too. (Oh my! That’s just too much for me every-single-day!)

And then the cooking, cleaning, and “put on a smile and don’t complain”, and “treat your husband like the king he is” type mentally make me wonder… were marriages in the 1950’s even real? It seems NOT!

And let’s not forget that i consider myself bisexual and we have been swingers too. THAT would’ve been a serious faux pas then! (Ok, so it’s still kinda one now too… but seriously, can you imagine how that would’ve been received then?!? It is at least “more” accepted now than it would have been then for sire.)

Ok, so maybe i am in the right generation after all. When you consider alllllll this together, i think God did indeed put me in the exact right generation after all.

i will be happy to wear my jeans—- to work —- and NOT cook ——- and just not talk about (with my one figurative mask on about) my sore bottom from Maintenance Friday!

What secrets do you hide beneath your figurative (or even literal!) masks? Inquiring minds want to know. 🤓

Hugs,

Marie

172 – The Masks We Wear. The figurative ones.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 172 – The Masks We Wear. The figurative ones.

i like to read books… occasionally. i’m not an avid reader, but when i find an author that holds my attention and isn’t predictable, i devour everything they have to say. At least until they become predictable and then i am done with that one too.

i wouldn’t say i necessarily have a favorite genre because the authors i like most, are vastly different in their writings. In case you are wondering, here’s a few of my favs (in no particular order): John Grisham (lawyer-mystery), Kristin Hannah, Sara Bruen and Kathryn Stockett (general fiction), Veronica Roth and Suzanne Collins (Teen Fiction), (also general fiction)…. and i’d be amiss if i didn’t mention Erotica too (Annabel Joseph and Cara Bristol).

Even still, i don’t typically read everything from those authors because within themselves they tend to become…. predictable.

Recently i read a new author and I haven’t decided yet if i like her work or not, but she talked a lot about “the masks we wear.”

The author wrote the book long before covid was a thing. So she wasn’t talking anything about germ-protection, but rather fully about how very different we are to one person compared to another. Say for example how we act or say at work with co-workers, compared to what we say or do when we are at home with family would not necessarily be the same.

What we reveal to one person about ourself wouldn’t be the same as what someone else knew (or thought they knew) about us.

It made me think about how (sometimes) if someone knew that “one part of me,” they may think differently about me and would they think good/bad about it?! And for me, that one thing would be about my DD marriage. i tell you here about my DD life because i think you understand but many people probably wouldn’t. And if they did understand, they possibly/probably wouldn’t approve.

i think disciplining a wife was so commonplace at one time and in a prior, different generation that people didn’t talk about it. Meaning, in the 1950’s and prior, husbands spanked their wives and it was so common then, that people didn’t talk about it anymore than they’d talk about cleaning the toilets. Something like, “We all do it and it’s part of life, so there’s nothing noteworthy to even talk about.” Or another analogy might be like if you asked someone then, “anything exciting happen today?” That because spankings were just part of the norm, it wouldn’t even have registered as an “event” worthy enough to even be discussed.

Now, in this generation, post the 60’s women’s movement, it’s turned into something of a faux pas that no one talks about it still now either. It’s hard to know who spanked their wives in that 50’s and before generation(s) because people didn’t talk about it. And it would be the same now not knowing who is spanked for people still not talking about it. But now people don’t talk about it because it is a hidden, under-a-mask (or a veil) kind of topic.

i suspect if you met me in real life, you’d not even know we do this. Because i don’t talk about it in real life either. Part of why i don’t talk about it is because (like the 50’s housewife), it is just the norm of what we do, but also (like the 2021 wife that i am), it isn’t socially acceptable.

i quite literally put on a mask outside my house to protect myself from covid, but also i put on a figurative mask to hide my “secret” about being a spanked wife and that’s ok. As in the quote from Batman, i wear a mask “not to hide who i am, but to create what i am.”

And i am a submissive wife, who is spanked regularly.

Why do we wear masks? Why can’t we be ourselves? Why can’t we reveal ourselves, fully, to those around us?

i think it’s for fear of being rejected or judged. We all want to be liked and rejection is hard. It cuts to the core. We don’t want that other person to dislike us for any reason.

But in the process of trying to be liked, do we end up masking ourselves so much that we morph into someone we aren’t? i would say, i don’t (morph into someone i am not).

While yes, it is more or less a secret to most of my world that i am a spanked wife, other than that one thing about me and my marriage, i am (mostly) the same person to everyone i interact with.

In fact, it’s kind of a secret that David and i do this that we have “hidden in plain sight.” We make comments sometimes that only we would get the double-meaning and no one around would even know. Like for example, tonight i was going to take the dog for a walk and i told her to sit (to get her leash on) and she just wouldn’t. i said, “she is so stubborn. If she’d be a bit more cooperative it would be helpful.”

To which my husband said, “smack her on her bottom if she needs it. It works well when she feels the burn in her butt to get to do as she’s told. Right?”

And i laughed and said, “yes Sir, that is true.”

Our son heard it all and thought nothing of it, other than she’s a disobedient dog.

Looking back, i am pretty convinced my grandfather spanked my grandma too. She would get all wound up about something and he would raise his eyebrows and call her by her first and middle name with a tone that said, “calm yourself down now or else….”. And she did.

i always wondered why saying nothing other than her name would get my fiesta grandma to her change her tone and behavior so quickly. Even though i never saw or heard anything definitive to know this for certain, i am now convinced she was spanked and a submissive wife. i wish she were still alive for me to ask her about it.

But i doubt i would have the courage to ask because… we hide behind masks. Literally and figuratively. And we only show the parts of ourselves to those around us that we allow them to see. Because rejection stinks.

i guess i will never know for sure.

What do you think… was your mom or grandma a spanked wife too? Would you have the courage to ask?

(Oh, and i am hoping the literally mask-era comes to an end soon.. but i am not too optimistic either.)

Hugs,

Marie