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Author: Marie

53 – Sexual identity from my 15-year old

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 53 – Sexual identity from my 15-year old

So i mentioned a conversation with our 15-year old son in a previous post and i want to make good on my promise to talk about this.

Let me first set the stage…..

Our only child is 15. We will call him “J” as that is his initial. J is a sophomore in HS, in a suburb of a big city in Texas. (Overall – your average conservative Texas HS & his place to grow up!). And he is a rules follower. If you told him to brush his teeth, he does. If you told him to run a stop sign, he would think you’ve lost your mind…. because after all, the rule is to stop!

i mention “rules” because i think there used to be rules to follow for relationships…. grow up, find someone of the other sex, marry, have sex, have kids, and repeat in the next generation.

i don’t know that that is so true anymore. And while i may/may not exactly agree with someone’s choices, i am still a realist and recognize that my son might want to make a different choice that what the “rules” (of society) have historically dictated.

So we have tried to keep an open mind and raise him to show respect and grace with dignity to all people, while making your own choices in life too. AND having a good compass pointed NORTH to God at the same time.

So what is all the need to get all philosophical? Well… ok, now that you have the background….I’ll just start the story.

J has his first girlfriend (GF) now, and her initial is N. They started dating over the Christmas break. And she’s a lot like him, so they are really good together.

On Sunday night, David, J , and i go out to dinner. At the restaurant, we start talking about his GF. He starts saying how her friend (not a “BFF” but a close girl-friend at school) has really been bullying N since they’ve been dating.

When i asked our son “why”, he says that this friend is a lesbian and is jealous of N dating J instead of her. i asked J “did she ask N out?” And J says “no, but even if she did, N is very straight. Just like me. But N’s other friend is a bisexual, so I say those two girls should just date each other and leave us alone.” And he laughs.

Now let me give you a little more background…..

David and i are raising J to be honest, confident, and in charge of himself. We tell him regularly, “no one can MAKE you do anything. You always have a choice. Sometimes the choices aren’t great and/or make you want to pick one more than another, but you DO have a choice”.

And who anyone of us sleeps with, is indeed a choice. While i don’t happen to agree with everyone’s choices, i can still choose to be friends with you. And i think if the whole world had more grace and compassion, we’d be a better place. (Does it really matter who you sleep with for crap sake?!). Ok… i digress.

At this point, I’m really curious about J’s friends though. We have lived in this same community for 7-years now, so i’ve had all these kids in my house at some point or another. And i start saying, “if you are all so open with your sexuality, what does Julie think she is? And Bob? And George? And Sarah and and and”

J says “oh that person is A-sexual, and that one is Bi-sexual, and that one is Homosexual, and that one.. well, he thinks he’s bisexual, but I think he’s confused and is really just homosexual”.

So first off… my son had to educate me on what exactly A-sexual and pan sexual even means.. because even after i googled it, i really didn’t quite understand.

Wow. Ok, and second… when exactly did we come up with so many choices? And why?? i mean why did we have to put a box around it, wrap it up with a bow, and put a label on it?

What if today you want to be one thing and tomorrow a different thing? Is that even allowed??

So i started to asked these things of J. But… he’s a rules follower AND a teen…. enough said, right? (He rolled his eyes at me and was like, “really mom?!?”)

i guess i don’t really remember thinking that much about what I was when i was in HS. Maybe because the normal traditional expectation was… find someone of the opposite sex, marry, have sex, have kids, repeat.

But even those who did give it a lot of thought, or wanted to take a non-traditional route, certainly didn’t talk about it openly with one another – or with their parents – like we were doing with our teen at dinner.

So i said, “when i was a teen, coming out and announcing you were anything but straight was a BIG deal. i guess you all just sit around lunch and talk about these things???!!?!”

And J kinda laughed and said, “well, not everyone and for some it is still a big deal to come out too, but well, I guess it just isn’t a big deal.”

And then he said, “but N and I both know we are straight.”

My husband said “well, I’m glad for that!”

And J looked at me and said, “Dad is straight but I think he’s homophobic. And I think you are to” (to me).

i laughed and said, “you think i’m straight or homophobic?” And he responded with, “both!”

Little does he know… the history i have….

And that i consider myself to be bisexual. And David and i have had sex with others before, together and apart, and likely will again. But i suppose that’s yet another story for YOU, but not our son. So i just smiled and chuckled.

It made for a strange dinner conversation and i guess i realized i am a little bit “in the closet” myself… i just don’t think the whole world needs to know all about all my sexual escapades…. except now you know! Somewhat. Kinda. Ok, i will tell you some of my history in coming posts. Probably. Of course, maybe what happens in the closet, maybe should stay in the closet. Maybe?

Hugs,

Marie

52 – Panties be G-O-N-E

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The rule is simple: N-O P-A-N-T-I-E-S.

At all.

Ever.

Not hard to follow… right?

Well…… as i mentioned in the last post, i don’t like the “rub” when i wear jeans withOUT panties.

So …..today, i cheated. i wore a G-string. It was a compromise.. they aren’t “really” panties.. i mean they are only “half” there anyway! (right?)

i was honest. Told the truth. i told David straight away. Well, mostly anyway. Ok, ok…so i texted it to him AFTER i left the house for work. i know……NOT my best move.

And i suppose that wouldn’t have been a terrible thing…. had it been the first time. But it wasn’t.

So before you start in on me too….let me just say… i have told David every-single-time i cheated. And he said, “you better stop.” And “you WILL regret this” and other similar statements. But that was really all that happened. So i kinda thought he didn’t reallyyyyyyy mind after all. Besides, i have taken them off as soon as i got home.

But today, he said, “we will deal with this when you are home.” Which pretty much told me that today was going to be different.

And when i got home, i was admittedly…. nervous. i kinda thought today just may be the day that i pushes it too far. And sure enough…

i came into my bedroom to change out of work clothes and take off my shoes, and my panties drawers – yes i have TWO – were pulled out.

And they were empty.

GONE. PANTIES WERE GONE.

The drawers are completely empty.

When i saw David, he very calmly but sternly said, “No more! I told you before that your pussy is NOT to be covered and because you can’t be trusted to follow the rule, I’ve now made it where you won’t be tempted. And i won’t be touching it tonight because you are now being disciplined.”

When i asked what happened to them …if he threw the panties away or just hid them somewhere, he said, “it doesn’t matter as they don’t belong to you anymore so don’t worry about it!”

i wish I could tell you i didn’t deserve this. But i do.

i guess in some ways, i’m happy they are gone as i was indeed tempted and, obviously, failed. Now, it won’t be an option. So for that, i am indeed happy.

But i got to say…. they will be missed….. 😏

Hugs, Marie

PS…i know i still owe you a post about my convo with our son. Not forgotten.

51 – Bras, Panties, and Corsets – oh my.

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After the last update about a chastity belt, i was thinking of other posts that i put something out there and talked about it, but haven’t talked (much) since… and i thought of the braless movement, the no-panties rule, and the corset training.

i will start with the CORSET. While i love the way it feels and makes my waist look small, David didn’t really like the way it smashed up the top of my back. He said it made me look like a hunchback. When it is on, after you cinch up the middle, the top and the bottom tend to be bigger. And unfortunately, the top got bigger in front AND in back. So facing me, he liked what he saw, but when he’s behind me, he hated the way that looked.

So the corset training has gone by the wayside. And that’s okay, as getting in/ out of it was quite a hassle and took time. Not to mention it was somewhat hard to hide under certain clothing, which tended to make me wear big/ baggy/ bulky clothing, to which David is NOT a fan of. So there’s that…. but now we know!

i still have the corsets… if we go to a club, one that is sexually oriented, or a house-party, i may break it out and wear it … without anything else on. (oh la la!) But i’m not too sure that will happen anytime soon!

And then there’s the BRALESS MOVEMENT. THIS is still a thing. David has always loved my large breasts and he takes every opportunity to squeeze my nipples. So being braless makes that super easy and accessible to him.

i was struggling though with work. i own my own business and work with a lot of very conservative clients, who wouldn’t take kindly to seeing erect nipples in a business meeting. So we have compromised in that the no- bra rule is applicable 100% of the time that we are together, and optional otherwise. Meaning, i can wear a bra to work, which is super nice. But there is still an implicit understanding that if i wear clothing that a bra isn’t needed, then a bra isn’t worn. And.. when a bra is worn, it is to be off by the time i get into the house. So it comes off in the car quite frequently.

i have to say while i wasn’t too sure about this when it first started, i love being braless now! In fact, Monday’s reallyyyyy suck now after an entire weekend of being free and having to bind myself up in that bra again.

And then there is the no-Panties rule. David first said only G-Strings, but when i complained they weren’t comfortable he said, “fine. No Panties. Easy access that way”.

So this is still a thing. And mostly, i am good with it. There’s a couple of times that it doesn’t work well for me, which is: 1) wearing blue jeans. Wow, they are form fitting and rub in ALL the wrong places. It tends to cause me to feel carpet burn by the days end. David said, “that’s easily fixed… don’t wear jeans.” And 2) when David tells me to wear a butt plug. Panties or G-strings help to hold it in. And now, not so much support. David says there’s an easy fix for this too… “wear the jeans that rub tight.”

Oh my.

So we keep evolving and finding what works and what doesn’t and I’m ok with that. It feels good to make him happy and to know he loves me always.

Tomorrow i am going to tell you about the convo that David, myself, and our 15-year old son had over dinner..about straight, gay, homosexual, bisexual, pan sexual, and A-sexual people. It was interesting to say the least.

Hugs,

Marie

50 – Chastity Belt … Update

Written by Marie on . Posted in Chastity Belt, Marriage, Orgasm Control, Orgasm Denial. No Comments on 50 – Chastity Belt … Update

So because i mentioned it before and in a few comments, i’ve been asked for an update on the progress on my chastity belt, i decided to do just that… update you.

i’ve been doing a LOT of research. i’ve found a lot of chastity belts… gag gifts, very (VERY!) pricey, effective but not for me, ineffective and probably only good for pictures, and …. well… one that i have on order. This is what it looks like:

chastity belt i have on order

i rarely take (sexual/ naked) pictures of myself … and those that i do, only go to my husband… and never with my face…. but i promise you, if this one works as i hope it does, i’ll post a picture with it on for you. 🙂

CHASTITY BELT – WHY?!?

Okay, well, let’s review…. my husband and Sir, is the head of our house and of me. i am submissive. He has been trying to train me that my private parts are for him. And i’m only allowed to make myself happy with permission. This means that i am open to his touch whenever he wants to and if i want it by my own touch, i have to ask to masturbate and/or orgasm.

He feels orgasm control is the ultimate in my submission because forcing me to ask his permission to touch myself in a most intimate way means he controls my pleasure. And orgasm denial – both mine when I submit to his control and his when he says no – forces me to NOT be selfishly satisfy my OWN needs without putting him before me. And frankly, while i don’t particularly like not cumming when I want to, i do see his point.

i don’t like the rule because he makes me ask in person. It is VERY humbling (and submissive!) to say, “May i have permission to masturbate and to cum please Sir?”

And the seconds between that sentence and the answer sometimes feel like an eternity.

He frequently says yes, but sometimes he does indeed say no.

i think he says no for two reasons: 1) i tend to ask a lot (3-5x’s a week on average – and sometimes multiple times in the same day)…. and 2) because he can. And by saying no, it is an effective rule that i know requires no explanation, no further discussion, and is the final answer.

Well – the “NO” answer is what has led to this place. i’ve tried to be good. i’ve tried to accept that “NO” as his decision. i’ve tried to ignore the desire. But sometimes…. the more i try to ignore it, the more it becomes a ‘thing’ that i can’t successfully ignore.

So similar to a child doing something in secret and hoping to not be caught, i sneak into the closet and do it anyway.

And truly, i have done it and was not caught.

But my guilty conscious weighs heavy.

And i confess.

And i’m punished. Typically with a very intensive spanking, standing in the corner to contemplate it, and sometimes a second spanking.

But …. while that works ‘that day’, it hasn’t been a permanent solution…. and it’s rather detective than preventive.

So David decided i needed to research and find and buy a female chastity belt that was reasonably priced, effective, and able to be worn for long(er) periods of time. And i’ve done just that. And as mentioned, we have one on order. This is the one I bought.

i’ll make you wait to hear more though…. next post my friends. 🙂

(Am i being mean to make you wait?!? David makes me wait to cum…. so i’ll make you wait to hear about the chastity belt…. ha!)

i will leave you with this interesting article i found – Top 10 Facts About Chastity Belts…..https://www.top10hq.com/top-10-facts-about-chastity-belts/

Hugs,
Marie

49 – My Valentine maintenance session

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Maintenance spankings really suck. In the moment anyway.

i asked for maintenance when we first started this lifestyle to ensure we stick to this Domestic Discipline lifestyle. i am committed and want to do this lifestyle…forever…. and in my sane, very-sober moments maintenance sounds really good.

We have maintenance every Friday. Without fail. Rain or shine. And we N-E-V-E-R miss. If for some reason…. apart from one another for (say) a work trip, illness, or guests in our home…. we do it on the first available and possible “make-up” day.

And today was no different. My butt is red and throbbing as i type this.

And Sir just asked me if i wanted session number 2 for the day! I declined. He smiled. He then said he loved me and Happy Valentine’s Day.

So for someone reading this thinking, “WHY would you submit to being spanked every-single-Friday?”…. i will tell you why….

It is a way to bond, connect with each other, spend quality time together, build up who we want to be together now and always, and ultimately… instill, and reinforce, that i am submissive and he is Dominant.

i yield to him my entire being, including my butt. It is an active choice. NOT something done to me against my will, but something i want to allow and encourage him to do. By encouraging David to spank me with my willingness and acceptance, it gives him the confidence that if i will submit now to this, when he makes other decisions for our family, i will also submit then too. …

And for the record, i am NEVER restrained and have every opportunity to resist or fight it, but i don’t. When i submit, he is rewarded with confidence and pride instilled in his mind that i yield all authority to him to run our marriage and family, and yes, that happens when i submit my physical body for a maintenance spanking.

So a maintenance spanking is more than just a spanking. It is a bonding experience, and a way of life for us.

But today, on Valentine’s Day, i wasn’t in the mood for it. In fact, i tried to talk David out of it. i said it’s Valentine’s, it won’t hurt if we skip one week, i have been really good…. and his response was, “NO. We will not skip even once because once turns into twice and three times and eventually never. And then we don’t live the lifestyle we both have committed to. So get over here and pull your pants down and get into position “

So… i did.

But in the moment… as that paddle is swinging and stinging my ass….it’s not very “good” at ALL. Despite wanting to live this lifestyle and having been the one to say i wanted these maintenance sessions, it’s definitely NOT good! No… it just plain hurts. And of course, that’s by design. And it’s effective. It grounds me. It reminds me who i am alone and who we are together.

And in the moment, i literally hold my breathe, waiting for the paddle to leave it’s mark, and i pray… yes pray. Oh i don’t pray what you might think i’d be praying at that moment… (Lord let this stop soon) but rather more something like this, “Lord bless our marriage. Bless David. Help me to be completely submissive. Help him to know i yield and accept the authority that you’ve given him to be the leader of our house. Help me to accept this spanking with grace and mercy.”

The longer the Spanking, the more difficult it is to stay focused on my prayers because… well…. it hurts. And i am being spanked.

Tonight, it was extra hard. To focus and the paddling. And i know that David knew this too because he asked me, “are you close to calling yellow?” He probably wanted it to be extra hard tonight, for some reason that he had and to which really didn’t matter. And i had to say “yes” and he just said, “yes…what?” i said, “yes Sir.”

So i probably needed a spanking… i have been sassy and forgetting to say Sir lately… obviously…..so… it did what it was supposed to… it reinforced that i am NOT in charge and i was reminded of that tonight.

Hugs, Marie