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A Domestic Discipline Contract Is A Godsend

Written by Marie on . Posted in Domestic Discipline, Marriage, Spanking, Wife Spanking. No Comments on A Domestic Discipline Contract Is A Godsend

i was lucky: the domestic discipline contract David and I established in the beginning was relatively easy for both of us. i consider myself fortunate enough to marry a man who was willing to explore his dominant role hand-in-hand with me, i never had to go through the dilemma that most women find themselves in.

domestic discipline contract

In most households, it’s the women who start this conversation. i know that there are men seeking DD relationships also, but for now let’s look at the woman’s perspective. i think because it’s the interest in spanking that all of us share which starts the ball rolling, it’s some time before women realize that it isn’t just spanking but something deeper they want – a real disciplinary framework backed up by consequences. For most women, they want those consequences to be spanking; there’s just something cathartic about it that is unlike having privileges taken away.

Because of that, many people seeking advice in the past on domestic discipline have been told to provoke or ask for spanking, which is really bad advice. Unfortunately, because so there’s so much out there for people wondering “am I kinky?”, or who get turned on by the thought of being a spanked wife, but not so much for people focused more on how to start domestic discipline. For me, approaching David and asking him for what i felt i needed – specifically my need for structure through discipline in addition to the arousal, pleasure, and release i get from his spankings – was crucial to our setting off on the right path.

i’ve gotten comments from people who for one reason or another have gone halfway on this first step finding themselves unsure how to correct the feeling that they’ve somehow gotten off course. “I got up the courage to tell my husband that I want to be spanked and now he thinks I’m kinky. He just doesn’t understand. It’s not just about that!”

For men, who often take things at face value if his woman tells him that she wants to be spanked then that is just what that means to him and he’ll either think it a nice new “spice” in the bedroom or will simply tell her he’s not interested in playing those kind of sexual games.

While domestic discipline often incorporates spanking, spanking isn’t all what it’s all about. Domestic discipline is about a loving disciplinary framework worked out and agreed upon by both partners. In this relationship, rules are laid out that both can live with from a compliance and an enforcement standpoint. She has to feel comfortable obeying them; he has to feel they are important enough to enforce. He has to agree to follow through. She has to agree not to abuse her need to feel boundaries by breaking them intentionally just to get punished. This relationship shouldn’t feel like a parent/child setting but a system between two equals.

Domestic discipline is a contract between you and your husband, with rules that must be followed in order for it to work. For a contract to work, it has to be understood by both parties, who have to agree to it. If a contract is going to be sustainable, it has to benefit both parties.

It helps to have already established a relationship with your husband where you can tell him your feelings and insecurities without the fear of reproach or ridicule. It really helps if you’re in a relationship with a husand with whom you can communicate and whom you respect. If the relationship is already rocky, the last thing you want to do is implement a system where there is a power imbalance. If your marriage isn’t strong, shelve DD awhile and work on the relationship. You can always try to implement it later.

If you can talk to him, tell him that you have a deep, unmet need for limits and guidelines. Tell him that you feel secure living under the rules of loving authority. Reassure him that you aren’t looking for a daddy but more of a mentor figure who will shepherd you within a loving framework.

Give him time to absorb this. Remember that in our politically correct culture, a male-dominated home may seem almost like an alien concept. In the initial conversation you may not even want to bring up the subject of  rules or consequences. Just let him know about your needs. Answer any questions he has as honestly as you can.

If he does understand and – best case scenario – this appeals to him then you will want to start brainstorming together about a possible rules and consequences. At this point you could bring up spanking. He may embrace the idea or he may really shy away from it because men are told they shouldn’t hit women. It’s a good idea at this point to let him in on what you already know, which is that quite a few principled men and women are living in arrangements where spanking and other consequences are used quite effectively. Again, give him time to absorb what you have said. If he’s so inclined he can solicit advice from some men who are already established as dominant partners in their relationship.

If he is open to the idea of a domestic discipline contract, shower him with love and appreciation. If he is reluctant, be understanding and patient. If he flat out refuses – worst case scenario – respect his feelings and try to imagine how you would feel if he were trying to convince you to discipline him. Some men are not interested in having a submissive wife, or in being a dominant husband and as much as it hurts, if you are in a relationship to stay then you must not push something on him that will bring him unhappiness.

Building a domestic discipline relationship is like building a house. It requires a good foundation of respect, understanding and patience. That foundation is your domestic discipline contract. If approached in a prudent manner dividends will pay off in the long run and you will both have a household that is the richer for it.

92 – Spankings hurt! Always!

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Yesterday i told you about how it feels to be in chastity and i was going to tell you about how pierced nipples feel today…. but as luck would have it, i landed myself in a punishment position so i am choosing to tell you about spankings today instead since it is quite ripe on my rear and in my brain too!

So today, i chose to talk about……

How does it feel…. to be spanked.

TODAY….

So because i got spanked just a few raw minutes ago, i am keenly aware of exactly how it feels and how to describe it with complete accuracy. But first i have to give you some background as to what happened to cause this….

i had to go to the dentist. Unlike many people, i am not at all afraid of the dentist, so this was a non-event for me. And…. my sister needed a new bed and our fav furniture store is on the way to the dentist. So i asked her if she wanted to go early enough, i’d shop with her and then i’d continue on to the dentist afterward. She agreed. (And i told David, and he was all good too). And we were off.

While there, i decided to walk around myself, which is when i spied a couch set i really liked. i had previously told David i thought ours were wearing out and maybe we could start looking for new ones so when i found a set i liked, i texted him pictures and info.

Well… then the time came to leave to head on to the dentist and i did. It seemed though that David was onboard with me buying this couch set and i was super excited. i didn’t actually buy it because we were still talking about it when i had to leave, but we both knew i would be driving right back by it on the return trip anyway.

But being excited, i was a distracted driver. And as such, i was driving along a road with many stop lights… and i didn’t even see the light…. so i absolutely did NOT see it was SUPER RED either! Until i was in the middle of the intersection and running that light as if it wasn’t even there!

It was ONLY by the Grace of God that the other drivers from the opposite direction saw me coming and stopped. While i was NOT in an accident, i was so very upset! i was shaking and my heart was racing and i thought i was even possibly going to throw up!

And i told David all about it. He was NOT happy about my lack of attention and being distracted. He was, of course, happy i was not in a second accident in less than ONE MONTH…..but still… that was only a small positive in an otherwise bad situation.

And he told me to go …….. Assume The Position.

HOW DOES IT FEEL…….

PHYSICAL: Unlike the chastity that does not hurt… spankings do!

At least, they should. And David does a great job of ensuring they do! The main purpose of them is to hurt the backside of my rear end. To prove a point. To reinforce the positive and punish the negative. It is a consequence that should NOT be desirable and should be painful as a result.

i assumed the position. Naked, bent over the bed, feet on the floor, and solid wooden paddle placed in the small of my back. And i wait.

MENTAL: Sir typically comes in about 5-10 minutes, and today he did as well. During that time, i pray. Today, i prayed, “Lord, give me the strength to accept this punishment with grace. The punishment that i know i have earned and deserve. i know you have given David the ability to lead our family well, and that i am to follow his leadership as his submissive wife. And i know that today, his leadership results in a spanking. Guide his hand and his mind throughout so he has the strength to discipline me in the way that leads to a better decisions on my part. Thank you Lord for keeping me safe from my own distraction in the car earlier, but also thank you for keeping me safe in the knowledge that you are always in control. Thank you Lord.”

PHYSICAL: He came in and picked up the paddle. And i immediately cringe as i wait to feel the first smack against my bare ass. And it does. And it STINGS! Hard! The first one always seems the worst. It’s like i forget how intense that sting is.

The paddle covers a lot of land mass due to its shear size. So when it hits, it is firm and solid. While Sir typically moves around his swings to different landing spots, there’s a lot of spots that end up being smacked multiple times. But he does move up and down and left to right. He usually only hits the same spot two or maybe three times without moving, unless he’s feeling particularly and especially like the punishment needs to be severe, which is rare.

Today was one of those rare times. He hit 4-5 times in the same spot. And each and every one stung like nobody’s business!

Do you remember when we used to roll up a kitchen towel and pop each other with it? And you’d yelp as it stung really bad? Yes! That’s the best analogy of how it feels. Only that sting isn’t just one little spot with a spanking, but ALL-over-my-ass! And repeat…. and repeat!

i try to stay bent over the bed, but it is SO hard to stay in place as the swats come as the stinging becomes ever present and vivid in my backside too. So i tend to stand upright, kinda dance around, and end up squeezing my legs and ass tight. It doesn’t help, but it is a natural response. And often, Sir will put his free hand on my back and press me back down and into place, while sometimes even saying (quite calmly), “resume your position,” but never stopping the swats intensity or frequency. If he were to stop/slow down, we both know it would achieve what i (subconsciously) was hoping for: a reprieve.

MENTAL: i don’t ever ask for Sir to stop, slow down, move around, or anything else. Because i am NOT in control!

There’s a reason i am here. i agreed to submit and obey, and i haven’t done that. At the beginning of this spanking, i prayed that the Lord help me accept this discipline with GRACE. And that He guide Sir with strength in his arm and mind to give this punishment to me properly. So i trust that David will know when to stop. And he always does. So i need to too.

i do have “safe words”, being consistent with most D/s relationships of “yellow”… slow down as i am approaching my max, and “Red” … stop now, i can’t take anymore.

i have only ever used Yellow one time, and never used Red. David intentionally got me to yellow just one time, in a maintenance spanking, to see: 1) if he could trust me that i’d actually use it, and 2) what level would trigger it so he’d have a base of knowledge for future spankings too.

Why don’t i use them more? Because i love being submissive. i love David pushing me to do more than i thought possible. To allow David to be the leader of our family that God wants him to be. To accept discipline as a part of growing in becoming a better and completely submissive wife.

PHYSICAL: David doesn’t swing with a lot of force. If i were to guess, he probably doesn’t even use 50% of his total ability to swing the paddle most of the time. He doesn’t have to. The paddle does a lot of the work for him.

If it is a maintenance spanking, which we do every Friday morning — not because i’m in trouble but as a reminder of what is expected — the spanking starts with a warm-up period. These are a lot of small swats that are with VERY little force, but encourage blood flow to the backside and “warm up” before the real spanking starts. This results in less pain/stinging and typically also lessens the chances of bruising.

But today and like every punishment spanking, there’s no warm up. He just starts in with intensity and intention. He does this to allow the full sting to hit and register in my backside and my brain both.

i don’t have to count, but sometimes i do in my head. i didn’t today, but if i were to guess, it was around 30. And believe me, i felt every-single-one!

MENTAL: As Sir spanked my ass, he asked me questions, “why were you a distracted driver?” And “was this a good example to our son?” And “do you really understand what will happen to our insurance coverage if you are in another accident?” And “what is your primary responsibility when you are behind a wheel?” And, “Did you drive in a safe way today?” And ending with ….. “Did you deserve this discipline today?” And “Have you learned your lesson?”

And he expects answers. He doesn’t pause the paddle to let me speak. He just keeps swinging and expects me to talk. And i squeak out the answers, which aren’t really necessary as we all know the answers too….(you included!)

But after i answer, he says, “so if we both know the right answers, and you didn’t act the proper way, did you deserve this spanking and discipline?”

To which i merely responded with a simple, “Yes Sir”.

And he stopped.

PHYSICAL… AND a bit of MENTAL: At the end of maintenance spankings, while i am still in position, Sir typically puts his hand between my legs and spreads them wide. And he fingers my clit, my puss, and quite frequently also my ass until i orgasm. It is a treat that doesn’t always happen, but i cherish it when it does! It is a reward for having been good, a reminder that not all spankings are discipline for bad behavior and a great ending to a maintenance spanking.

But today wasn’t about maintenance or treats, it was straight up discipline and a punishment. And those never end in rewards! Instead, he did end by standing me up, put his arms around me in a big hug, leaned down and kissed me and said, “I love you. Will this happen again?”

i said, “Thank you Sir for the discipline. No Sir, it will not happen again. And i love you also.”

PHYSICAL: The repetitive nature of hitting the same spots creates an intense sting in my ass that lasts quite awhile after the smacks end for any spanking. It causes my ass to turn red and hot to the touch. It feels a lot like a sunburn or even a burn from touching a hot pan on the stove when he’s done.

And just like a sunburn, the sting lingers for awhile but typically only several hours. It doesn’t “hurt” to sit down afterward really, but like a sunburn, it is tender to the touch so i sit quite gingerly too.

And the next day, frequently, my ass is still tender and sometimes bruised. Depending on where the bruise is exactly, it can be hard to sit down for a few days while it heals. But more often than not, there’s not a “huge” bruise covering my entire ass but rather just a “specific” spot that bruises. And that spot is different every time, and i couldn’t tell you why a spot bruised or doesn’t as there’s no real rhyme or reason to it.

MENTAL: Those bruises only last 1-2 days though and are just reminders of what landed me in that place from the start anyway. And they are physical, and NOT mental! It is a reminder to make better choices in the future, to avoid this outcome though too.

i do focus on trying to make better choices, but believe me when i tell you…. after the spanking is complete. So is the punishment. There are no lingering hatred, ill-will, bad feelings, or other negativity between us either way. We don’t bring it up again in “the next fight” (or spanking) either. It is gone and done. Forgiven. The ONLY time it is ever brought up again is if that bad-behavior is repetitive and occurs again.

Instead of ill-will, i actually APPRECIATE this discipline and way of correcting wrongs. If or today’s situation, i am grateful that THIS is ALL that has come of my bad choice to be distracted about (possible) new furniture. And that it was a darn good thing that more harm didn’t befall me and my 2nd new car in just a few months!

[Oh.. and i didn’t stop on the way home to get new couches, but we may get them later this week instead now. Maybe. i had to come home instead to have discipline administered.]

So in the end, i do accept discipline and spankings that leave my ass stinging, red, hot, and sometimes bruised…. because in many cases it is a small price to pay and….

…….because i am called to be Submissive and Obedient.

Hugs,

Marie

89 – And just like that……

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i sit here in chastity. Watching tv. Like nothing is any different than any other day.

You could look at me and have no idea that there are new “panties” that exists under this skirt of mine. Unless of course you happen to hear the slight sound of the lock clinking against the belt as i walk, or smell the pre-cum dripping down my leg, or see the smile on my Sir’s face as he held the key and said, “try to be good today!”…..

REWIND…….

This morning i was dressing for the day…. which on the weekend has no bra and no panties as typical protocol. i was anticipating that now that it is “the weekend” that “soon” the chastity would be put on.

After taking a shower and dressing, i was doing my hair. That’s when Sir walked up behind me and pulled my skirt up. As always, i never refuse his touch so while i paused and stood still, i waited for him to decide what came next. He smiled and ran his hand over my ass in a smooth, seductive, sultry way.

And he promptly dropped my skirt and said, “aren’t you missing something?”

i knew what it was in reference to, but i still said, “what do you mean?”

And he said, “do you really think i’m going to leave you (to go play golf) with you unprotected?”

i said, “you have before.”

And he said, “yes, but that was before we got the chastity… and we both know we got it for a reason…..we both know you can’t keep your hands off of what belongs to me!”

So with equal amounts of intrepidation and excitement, i laid it out open on the bed and laid down inside the edges. So i pulled the 3-sides altogether and held it in place while handing Sir the lock (and key).

He put the lock in place, snapped it shut, and pulled out the key.

And that’s when he said, “And just like that.. I’m off to golf and you need to try to be good today!”

Like i have a choice now.

But i had a choice before and always bugged him to masturbate. And sometimes didn’t even bother to ask and just did it anyway. Of course, i paid the price with guilt, coming clean to him, and subsequent punishment. But now, instead of detective controls, we have preventative controls. It will work. Of course it will.

And to be perfectly honest… it’s not nearly as uncomfortable as i anticipated. In fact, it’s similar to wearing a (tighter) thong. We shall see if it chafes, how it’s going to be to use the bathroom, or if it causes any trouble at all today.

i’m not entirely sure what the official plan yet for how long, now permanent, or how regular i’ll be wearing these new “panties,” but for now…..i’m doing ok! And frankly, part of submission is not knowing the plan, and not needing to know the plan, and still being ok with it, and i’m ok!

So while i won’t be getting “off” today, i will be off now to find some wholesome, good hearted, “family” show to watch today.

Hugs,

Marie

Day 14: My Submissiveness

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Day 14: REAL-LIFE BDSM…How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

For me, my kinkiness is being submissive, and it is 24/7. Not “just” when having sex, which is where i think most of the fantasies come from.

In fact, i think most fantasies about D/s is specifically about slaves….and not “just a” submissive. Now i don’t want to get into an entire discussion of the differences between slave and submissive here, but suffice it to say (here) that i see a slave with a lot fewer choices than a submissive.

So slave fantasies, in my mind anyway, include stuff like having her walk naked through the streets, chained or leashed, and when at home might sleep in a cage, maybe even uses the bathroom in the backyard.

T-H-A-T is a scene. i don’t think it is real life. Or at least not anyone’s typical D-A-I-L-Y life. And not my life for sure.

And if you dial it back to “just” a submissive, i think maybe a fantasy would possibly be of a 1950’s wife, wearing only heels and an apron to cook, clean, give foot massages, and …. well…..wait on her husband’s every need.

T-H-A-T is a scene also. Not my D-A-I-L-Y life there either.

So i guess you take out (most of) these hot-naked-sex scenes and put in a lot of “Yes Sir” and “No thank you Sir”, and a lot of respectful similar words… and T-H-A-T is my daily life.

i do a lot of “waiting on my husband’s needs” in a lot of “small” servitude tasks. Like …..

– when i see he is done eating dinner and just hasn’t quite gotten up yet to put the plate away, i take it from him and do it for him. And he thanks me and i say things like, “you are most welcome Sir”.

– And if his sleep apnea machine needs to have water refilled before bed, i do that too.

– And i try to be off the phone when i get home from work and talk to him.

– And i go to bed when he does.

None of these things are rules for me (ok, so “show respect” is, but these particular things aren’t specifically listed), but i do them anyway.

And T-H-I-S is my daily life….. typically fully clothed, indoors, not on a leash. Even if i’d think it hot to do those things, that’s the fantasy. 😉

Day 12: My submissiveness

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Day 12: “I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE KEYS…”Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Funny. Hmm. This is a challenge really.

i guess i find watching most porn funny. Most porn looks like it is SO staged. And most of it makes me laugh. (“Oh baby, yes, fuck me now…”)

And when i start laughing in the middle of sex when David is trying to use it as motivation for either of us is NOT cool.

And “…………

Hugs,

Marie