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A Domestic Discipline Contract Is A Godsend

i was lucky: the domestic discipline contract David and I established in the beginning was relatively easy for both of us. i consider myself fortunate enough to marry a man who was willing to explore his dominant role hand-in-hand with me, i never had to go through the dilemma that most women find themselves in.

domestic discipline contract

In most households, it’s the women who start this conversation. i know that there are men seeking DD relationships also, but for now let’s look at the woman’s perspective. i think because it’s the interest in spanking that all of us share which starts the ball rolling, it’s some time before women realize that it isn’t just spanking but something deeper they want – a real disciplinary framework backed up by consequences. For most women, they want those consequences to be spanking; there’s just something cathartic about it that is unlike having privileges taken away.

Because of that, many people seeking advice in the past on domestic discipline have been told to provoke or ask for spanking, which is really bad advice. Unfortunately, because so there’s so much out there for people wondering “am I kinky?”, or who get turned on by the thought of being a spanked wife, but not so much for people focused more on how to start domestic discipline. For me, approaching David and asking him for what i felt i needed – specifically my need for structure through discipline in addition to the arousal, pleasure, and release i get from his spankings – was crucial to our setting off on the right path.

i’ve gotten comments from people who for one reason or another have gone halfway on this first step finding themselves unsure how to correct the feeling that they’ve somehow gotten off course. “I got up the courage to tell my husband that I want to be spanked and now he thinks I’m kinky. He just doesn’t understand. It’s not just about that!”

For men, who often take things at face value if his woman tells him that she wants to be spanked then that is just what that means to him and he’ll either think it a nice new “spice” in the bedroom or will simply tell her he’s not interested in playing those kind of sexual games.

While domestic discipline often incorporates spanking, spanking isn’t all what it’s all about. Domestic discipline is about a loving disciplinary framework worked out and agreed upon by both partners. In this relationship, rules are laid out that both can live with from a compliance and an enforcement standpoint. She has to feel comfortable obeying them; he has to feel they are important enough to enforce. He has to agree to follow through. She has to agree not to abuse her need to feel boundaries by breaking them intentionally just to get punished. This relationship shouldn’t feel like a parent/child setting but a system between two equals.

Domestic discipline is a contract between you and your husband, with rules that must be followed in order for it to work. For a contract to work, it has to be understood by both parties, who have to agree to it. If a contract is going to be sustainable, it has to benefit both parties.

It helps to have already established a relationship with your husband where you can tell him your feelings and insecurities without the fear of reproach or ridicule. It really helps if you’re in a relationship with a husand with whom you can communicate and whom you respect. If the relationship is already rocky, the last thing you want to do is implement a system where there is a power imbalance. If your marriage isn’t strong, shelve DD awhile and work on the relationship. You can always try to implement it later.

If you can talk to him, tell him that you have a deep, unmet need for limits and guidelines. Tell him that you feel secure living under the rules of loving authority. Reassure him that you aren’t looking for a daddy but more of a mentor figure who will shepherd you within a loving framework.

Give him time to absorb this. Remember that in our politically correct culture, a male-dominated home may seem almost like an alien concept. In the initial conversation you may not even want to bring up the subject of  rules or consequences. Just let him know about your needs. Answer any questions he has as honestly as you can.

If he does understand and – best case scenario – this appeals to him then you will want to start brainstorming together about a possible rules and consequences. At this point you could bring up spanking. He may embrace the idea or he may really shy away from it because men are told they shouldn’t hit women. It’s a good idea at this point to let him in on what you already know, which is that quite a few principled men and women are living in arrangements where spanking and other consequences are used quite effectively. Again, give him time to absorb what you have said. If he’s so inclined he can solicit advice from some men who are already established as dominant partners in their relationship.

If he is open to the idea of a domestic discipline contract, shower him with love and appreciation. If he is reluctant, be understanding and patient. If he flat out refuses – worst case scenario – respect his feelings and try to imagine how you would feel if he were trying to convince you to discipline him. Some men are not interested in having a submissive wife, or in being a dominant husband and as much as it hurts, if you are in a relationship to stay then you must not push something on him that will bring him unhappiness.

Building a domestic discipline relationship is like building a house. It requires a good foundation of respect, understanding and patience. That foundation is your domestic discipline contract. If approached in a prudent manner dividends will pay off in the long run and you will both have a household that is the richer for it.

303 – First (Discipline) Spanking of 2023

Was today. Today i was spanked … twice technically.

Every year i write about my first spanking of the year and this year it was today – Sunday, Feb 12. i nearly made it to Valentine’s Day, but fell short.

And it H-U-R-T!

In fact, i called Red. The first time i have ever called red!

My butt is still sore and red several hours after the fact, and will probably bruise by tomorrow.

The good news though…. We never fight, we solve issues timely, and other than my butt still not being happy, the rest of us are now all good.

All this following my most recent post declaring that i needed to be spanked. Just so you know, NO … i did NOT get myself spanked on purpose. In FACT, i was fairly surprised that i landed myself in this trouble and deserving of a spanking.

Okay…. So i will start at the beginning…..

Today is Sunday. i got up and started my typical Sunday with coffee and relaxing on the couch, and soon after that i was in the shower to get dressed shortly thereafter.

At the end of the shower, i played a (sexual) game with myself.

Later in the morning i texted David about it. Here is what i wrote to him….

After getting out of the shower and before I dressed today, I rode the monster cock to stretch my hole out a bit. I pretended you came in to take your shower, where you told me to get it out and stick it on that ledge between the shower and the tub. [The dildo i am referring to here is a really big one that has a suction cup on the base]

You said, “Turn around with your back to me and put your hands behind your back.”

I felt the handcuffs go on.

Then you said, “the rules are simple. I’m going to guide this cock into your pussy. You’ll stretch your hole, jump up and down on the dildo, just sit still feeling it deep inside… frankly, do whatever you want to it…. Except…. There will be NO orgasms, it WILL remain in your hole at least partially for the duration and …. Well… obviously no touching.”

You continued, “you’ll do this while I shower. When I’m done showering, I’ll let you come off the cock. You’ll have the (chastity) belt put on you and you’ll then be released from the cuffs. This will keep you from getting ideas of orgasm later on too. And we will repeat this tomorrow too. You’ll repeat it until you are the good submissive wife you know you should be. And when that happens is when you’ll get to orgasm.”

All I said was “yes Sir.”

^^^^^ That was all that i wrote to David a bit later in the morning. Some of it happened and some did not.

What did NOT happen…. David did not come in, i did not have orders to comply, nor did i have handcuffs. i did NOT orgasm.

What DID happen was …… i did ride that cock. i did stop before i orgasmed. And i did put the chastity belt on (myself).

When i had done all that, i picked up the belt key and walked into the room where David was and said, “For a variety of reasons, you haven’t enforced the rules, nor have i been particularly submissive as of late. So here is the key to my belt. i want and probably need to wear it for as long as you deem necessary.”

With that, David smiled and accepted the key. Then he motioned me over to him, and he proceeded to press on my upper back, forcing me to bend over at the waist. My top half was pressed onto the desk, and suddenly he pulled my pants down and started spanking my butt with his hand.

He said, “you have indeed had a pretty smart mouth with me a lot lately. You do need to be reminded who is in charge.” He didn’t say it, but i was thinking HE needed to be reminded who was in charge too!

He proceeded to give me a pretty good maintenance spanking right there over his desk. It hurt, like every spanking always does. But like always, i thanked him and that’s when he pulled me upward and kissed me.

Well… you’d think all that would’ve been enough to keep me from trouble. Again, i surprised myself at how quickly i landed myself in a discipline spanking situation today too.

Soon thereafter, we talked about how i was going to head off to church but David was going to stay home (for various reasons). He knew i was going to meet my sister at church too and because we typically go to lunch afterward, he asked me what i had planned for lunch. i told him that i had no plans as of yet.

That was when David then said, “I might cook something.”

And i noticed he was starting up his grill, but it was just to early to cook lunch so i wasn’t honestly sure what he was doing really.

So i went off to church. And at the end of the service, my sister and i decided to go to a restaurant together for lunch no i texted David and told him.

And that’s where my trouble started. He wrote me saying, “So I guess you chose not to eat my lunch I told you I was cooking.”

What?! He had said he might cook, he didn’t say for both of us… he didn’t clarify whatsoever. Ahh crap.

That’s when I wrote, “I didn’t understand. I thought you meant you might cook, and it would probably be for you. Do I need to go home?”

“No. You don’t need to come home. I told you I was going to cook something for us for lunch as you saw me doing.”

i suppose i did ..i saw him start up the grill. i just didn’t realize it was for lunch OR for both of us. (He does frequently bow out of meals together like this when others are involved and just eat alone. That’s what i thought.)

Despite him saying i did not need to go home, i did. i apologized to my sister and she understood, and i went home.

Upon walking in, i probably should have apologized to David. i did not. i wasn’t entirely sure what to expect as i wasn’t entirely sure how David felt, since texting is sometimes hard to know tone.

i greeted him. And he smirked. And then i took my jacket off and greeted the dog too. That’s when he asked me, “WHAT are you doing?”

When i attempted to respond, he said, “I think the better thing to do is go Assume the Fucking Position. NOW!” As he got further into that sentence, his voice began louder and more forceful and more angry. And his hand came up and pointed toward the bedroom.

i was surprised. i didn’t expect that to be his response really. i mean, i did come home. He said i didn’t need to. i greeted him upon entering the house.

But.

i did not apologize. i was NOT humble like i should have been. i didn’t even acknowledge it really.

Whatever.

Fine.

It is what it is!

i tried to contain my eyes so they didn’t roll across my face as i said, “Yes Sir.”

And i went to the bedroom. Undressed. i was naked… except for my chastity belt. i knew it had to stay on. And i got on the bed, putting a pillow under my hips to raise my butt in the air and make it more accessible.

It was about a second later and David was there. He grabbed up the whip, and wasted NO time thereafter. He swatted my right butt cheek so hard i nearly cried on the first swat!

And then he hit that same cheek over and over again. i heard the swat sound as it flipped up and down. i thought it sounded like a fly swatter making its mark. i thought about how dead that fly was after just one swat, but now it was colliding with my ass over and over again.

David never turned from the right butt cheek to the left. He focused 100% of his energy on that one cheek. i felt the tears forming in my eyes. i also felt the sting so badly in my bottom that i wasn’t sure how much more i could handle.

The swats were coming as fast as i have ever endured. All on my right butt cheek.

It took just a minute more and i was calling yellow. David didn’t care, he kept going. If anything, he sped up the timing of the swats. He never once even acknowledged the word “yellow,” where normally he slows down or pauses for a second. Not today.

After another bit, i hollered out, “Sir! i can’t take anymore. Pleaseeeee slow down…. Or switch sides….”

He didn’t. He kept delivering the pain to my butt with an exactness in each swat that he placed solely on my right butt cheek alone.

i didn’t want to, but i couldn’t help it. i hollered out, “RED! RED! SIR!”

And he stopped. And i fell into the pillow in front of me. i already felt my butt throbbing in pain as i tried to catch my breath and recover mentally. i didn’t move otherwise though.

I heard Sir say, “despite our texting, you still came home with an attitude. Are you past that now?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Are you sure? Because we have a whole other side I would be happy to turn red!”

“i am sure Sir.”

“Then all is forgiven. But you will wear the belt today. And don’t make me have to come back and redden your ass anymore today.”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir.”

He sat me up and kissed me. And i knew all was forgiven, as it always is.

As soon as i was dressed, we ate lunch. It tasted great… in fact, way better than what i would’ve eaten at the restaurant.

At one point, shortly after i was dressed, David made a comment that i seemed to be moving slowly. i said, “that’s what humility does for a person.”

At another point, he asked how i was feeling. i said, “half my butt is sore and the other half is a-ok.” He made a point to tell me he could fix that … meaning the other half could hurt too. i declined that gracious offer.

The rest of the day has been good. We are now preparing for sleep….. while still in my belt. The belt is effective.. and so is the whip. i knew i needed a good spanking, but i had hoped it would simply be maintenance and not a discipline one. i am much more humble and feeling a lot more submissive again tonight.

i do think i will be sleeping on my left side tonight though. Imagine that!

Hugs,

Marie

190 – Naked Housewife Headspace

While yesterday i told you that my submission isn’t just about sex or sexual activity, and that is indeed true, when i am in my most submissive headspace i do tend to think about sex and my sexual submission all the time .

i have an ongoing dialogue in my head about things that if i were in charge, what i would tell myself. Sometimes i share these thoughts with David. And on occasion he indulges me, but most of the time, he does his own thing in the end.

i do think he likes hearing my thoughts because he can see/hear what i think. He can see how submissive i want to be for him.

Today i had one of those convos in my head and i texted it to David. i was in the bathtub soaking and relaxing, while he was out walking.

Here is what i told him……..

I think you need to do some or all of this soon/maybe today……

You: “when you get so focused on sex, you start to be too horny for your own good. It’s a recipe for disaster. When you get too focused on getting your orgasm, you show unsubmissive tendencies, because it seems to be the sole focus of your thoughts to the point where you only want it and show disregard for all else. This is exactly the behavior that I don’t care for. So while I want to flame those sexual fires, I want it done my way. For the next month, these are the rules for you:

1) no orgasms. Unless it it by my hand, cock, or directive. Don’t even ask me if you can orgasm or masturbate. The answer is no if you ask. If I want you to orgasm, I will tell you.

2) if you feel the urge to ask me, instead you need to go put something on or in your holes. This can be a dildo, anal plug, a spoon, a hairbrush, or other similar thing. Of course, if you think all those will just cause you to touch yourself more then you should put on your chastity belt and promptly hand me the keys.

3) since I am forbidding you from asking me, I want to be able to see more. Whenever possible, you are to be naked in our house. And if not naked, you need to have on as little as possible at all times. When I see a belt on you or a plug in your ass, I will know that you are being compliant and yet acting like the horny slut wife you are.

4) if or when I suspect you have orgasmed at your own will or hand, I will spank you immediately and it will be to punish you, so expect the full blunt of the paddle to hurt. While I discipline you, you will tell me why you chose to disappoint me with a direct and intentional violation of your rules. You’ll tell me how you’ll do better, and thank me for the correction and guidance you so obviously need.

And if I should have to actually discipline you like this, then your month will start over.

Do I make myself clear?”

That was all that i texted to David. And he read it in no time at all. And i waited for his response.

What do you think he said?

i’ll tell you…… maybe.

But not today.

Hugs!!

Marie

47 – Submission is easy… until it’s not

Most days, submission is easy. Some days…. not so.

SUBMISSION – it isn’t a difficult concept really.

RULES = FOLLOWED = REWARDS

RULES = NOT FOLLOWED = PUNISHMENTS

And the rules i have, just really aren’t a big deal. i mean, David is fair and reasonable. And he doesn’t demand much. In fact, if i were in charge, i’d have more rules and require more compliance… but that would lead to bigger rewards and especially more punishment too!

But i think, in some sense anyway, because David is sooooo very reasonable, i probably use that to my advantage. i don’t exactly think this through mind you. It’s not like, i’m over here going, “Hey, let me take advantage of Sir to my benefit and get what i want under the guise of submission.” i’m NOT thinking that what-so-ever! But maybe, on some level, that may be kinda-sorta-what’s happening – i dunno?!?!?!

So what am i specifically rambling about?!? Okay – here’s the message of the day….

David had to go out of the country for work for almost a week. And where we was at, is/ was 7 hours ahead of me. i tend to get sexually wound-up in the evenings, which was in the middle of the night where he was. i have a “RULE OF SUBMISSION” to ask permission to masturbate and orgasm. But HOW can i do that when he’s sleeping?!

Okay, you probably know what happened…..

Y-E-S – okay, i did it! Without permission. Twice. Okay, so maybe once was a ‘oops, i should have asked’ but the second time…. no excuse, right? well…… i happen to agree. But i felt like i ‘needed‘ it. There are times when i feel like i just HAVE to cum….RIGHT….NOW. And i don’t know how to control that. And when i couldn’t ask… well… i just let things happen. uncontrollable.

And the day before David came home, i confessed. He said very little. When i asked about what he was thinking or why he hadn’t said anything, his response was, “There’s nothing I can do from here. And when I get home, I will deal with this. Until then, we will not discuss it.”

Yikes.

Okay, i deserve it.

When he got home… my ass was turned VERY RED. i got a spanking that hurt-like-hell. We do have yellow (slow down) and red (STOP) emergency words, but i have NEVER used either one and i have ZERO plans to EVER do so. i figure if i ever get close to that trouble, i will use it, but honestly, i deserve the punishment at the time i get it. Because, again, i don’t really get into trouble much and when i do get in trouble, David is very reasonable. And again, i’d be much more harsh than he is if i were in control.

He made me stand in the corner. Naked. And wait.

And wait.

And when he came to the bedroom, he said, “Assume the position”. Which means i stand with feet on the floor, hands on the bed, and ready to be spanked. i did.

He got the paddle out. i could hear it. i cringed. But he couldn’t see my face because he’s behind me. And yet, i’m accepting. i know this is going to hurt.

And he hits my ass about 10 x’s all over. Warm up. Already it hurts and this is JUST a warm up.

And then he pulls back and paused. i cringed more as i knew it was about to start.

S-M-A-C-K. WOW. It came hard.

Again, and again and again. And it happened so many times i lost count. He doesn’t make me count. But i do. Somewhere around 25 i lost complete count and had to focus on not saying yellow. i didn’t want to say that at all. i knew it was earned fair-and-square.

And finally, when tears were in my eyes, he stopped.

When he asked me if i was regretting my actions, i had to stop and think. i knew the right answer was ‘yes’ and in THIs moment i was…..but frankly, when i get horny and feel like i’m not in control of my emotions, i would do it again. And again. Without asking. So i told him that i want to be regretful, but i don’t know that i am.

David decided that if i can’t help myself, maybe i need to be helped.

There’s preventative and detective type of punishment. Detective is after the fact getting punished. And then there’s preventative, as in, can’t get in trouble if you aren’t in that position in the first place.

So …. David told me i need preventative help…..

And now we are investigating and looking into locking female chastity belts. i am equally excited and fearful of this.

But so far – the ones we’ve found are SO DAMN EXPENSIVE! (HOLY CRAP!!!).

Anyone use or wear or buy these? Any you’d recommend? That are effective AND price-conscious?!

14 – Pleasure to pain.. in the same day.

So i’ve had an interesting submissive day today … pain to pleasure…. in a mere 12 hours time too!

Let me tell you about my day….

i typically work from home on Wednesdays.  i am never able to get done what i need to at the office so i work from home every Wed to try to make up for it.  And the place won’t fall apart without me for ONE day.  But today i had to go in for a meeting at 10:00.  So i drug my feet and went there “late” (at 9:00).

Orgasm Control Training

But before i went, David took our son to school.  And we recently – like this week – jointly decided we want to start doing (my ) orgasm control at his discretion.

Since the DD decision, i’ve had to ask to masturbate but he hasn’t told me when i can or can not cum.  Until now.

i’ve read a lot of blogs now about it and there are people who can “cum on command“.  The blog post said, “Right there in the middle of the bread aisle”.   Interesting.  i’m not sure i want to cum in the bread aisle, but i thought it was an awesome display of submissiveness, so i wanted it.  YES, i asked for it!

Just a sidebar – i don’t know WHAT i was thinking when i agreed to this.  In fact, it was MY IDEA!  Sir said, “Careful what you wish for….” and i was like, “NO, i really want to do this for you, for us, and as a show of my submissiveness”.   WELL, in my HEAD that sounded awesome, and frankly, coming out of my mouth it did too.  And i was PROUD of my decision.

For about a whole minute.

That “Minute” was THE MINUTE i wanted to orgasm and Sir said no.  (WHAT?! NO?!?  You are kidding me, right?!?!).

But i digress… because THAT MINUTE was a few days ago…. so let me get back to this morning…..

So David took our son to school.  He told me to “Lay on the bed, with the rabbit toy, and watch porn.  Bring yourself to the EDGE and stop.  DO NOT CUM.  And do this the entire time i’m gone and i’ll tell you when to stop”.

Our son’s school is 20-minutes away – one way.  So for 40-minutes i had to watch porn, and use the vibrator on myself but DO NOT CUM.

(REALLY, what was i thinking?!?  Is it too late to retract my request to submit to Sir THIS MUCH?  Maybe i could just submit with my clothes ON!?!?!  YES?!?!?!  LOL.  Okayyyyyy…. fine… doing this thing).

When David got back, i was so insanely turned on.  i could only hope that he’d allow me to cum … soon…  like NOW.

My fear was that he’d not let me cum at all and i’d have to ‘get dressed and go to work now.’.  But, he did not disappoint.  He entered the bedroom and asked me if i had came while he was gone.  i was like, “NO, i promise i haven’t, but Pleaseeeeeee Sir, may i cum now?”

NO.

ME:  WHAT?!?!  PLEASE!?!?

And he touched my clit.  it was SO enlarged and swollen i almost jumped off the bed with the slightest touch.  Then he took the porn away.  Then he took the vibrator away.  And he played with me himself.  And he said, “CUM NOW”.  And i did.

And then i went to work.

The next thing i know, i go from pleasure to pain…. in the same day.

THEN THE PADDLE

spanking paddle

To tell you WHY i got paddled first…..

Sir and i have the same profession.  He works for a firm and i work for myself.  And from time to time, he helps me get through busy times at work by doing some review work for me.  (He volunteers and i always take him up on it.  He knows i need the help and he has the time and the skill set, so it is a win-win.  And i love him for it!).  So today was one of those days.

He reviewed two projects that were substantially the same, and when i got home, he was talking to me about the results.  Well, i got confused about which project he was talking about because – it seemed to me anyway – that he was talking back and forth about both of them and i couldn’t keep up with the conversation.

Now, you’d think HE would be frustrated with me… like a “Keep up!” kind of comment.  But i was frustrated with him!  i had to say, “Are you talking about X or Y? i have no idea what you are talking about!”.  And then he started talking.  And i said with a very annoyed tone, “WHAT are you talking about?!  i’m not listening until you clarify because i’m confused!”

So – WHAT i said was probably not allllll that bad — but the WAY i said it was so completely off base it wasn’t even funny.  As soon as it came out of my mouth, and i felt the annoyance in my body language and realized how it sounded, i knew it was wrong.

But Sir didn’t say anything, so i acted like nothing happened.

We finished our convo and i was about to head outside to play ball/ fetch with the dog.

And that’s when he stopped me and said, “Do you think you were annoyed with me?”

Me: “Uhmmm…. yes Sir”.

Him:  “Go to the bedroom”.

Oh geez – here we go….

i dropped my pants and put my hands on the bed, head down, feet on the floor, spread shoulder-width apart.

And i heard the bedside stand dresser draw open and close.  The Paddle.  Here it comes.

SMACK.

SMACK.

SMACK.

Me:  (OUCH) —- “Please Sir, i’m sorry.  i spoke to you poorly and let my frustration get the best of me.  i will not let….

SMACK.

SMACK.

SMACK.

ME:  “that happen again.”

SMACK.

Him:  “WHY are you lying to me?”

SMACK.

Me:  “What do you mean?  Please Sir…. i promise”

SMACK.

Him:  “I seriously doubt that you will ‘not let it happen again’”

ME:  “Sir, i will do my best to….”

SMACK

ME:  “… not let it happen again.”

SMACK.

ME:  (Tears in my eyes, squirming….), “Thank you Sir”

Him:  “That’s what I was waiting for.”

And he put the paddle away and held me in his arms and told me i was a Good Girl.

Back to Orgasm Control

With that, standing naked in the bedroom and in his arms, he reached down between my legs and put a finger inside me.

And said, “CUM NOW”.

And he pushed two fingers in and out and i grabbed his arm and held on to not fall.

And i came.  Twice.  THAT fast.

forced orgasm

In “THAT MINUTE”… or “THIS MINUTE” … or “NOW”.

Conclusion:

NO matter what, through pleasure AND pain, and back again, i am his and he is mine. i will always submit to him and he will always control me.

And i welcome tomorrow….

With a sore, red ass.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie