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Tag: domestic discipline

154 – Winter is hard

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Winter is Hard….. to feel sexy…. for SO many reasons.

1) Darkness. Whoever invented Day Light Savings (DST) Time was a genius. (DST is the time we have during the summer… when we “fall back” we go back to “Standard time” (ST)). But the person who thought switching it back to ST was idiotic.

It gets too dark too quick. i get nothing done after work. i feel like all i do is work. It gets light about the time to go to work, and dark shortly after getting home.

i read an interesting article from the Farmer’s Almanac dispelling the myth that Farmers started it all! They actually are the biggest opponents to it and argue against it as much as possible! They say the sun dictates their day, not the hour on the clock. The sun tells the crops when to grow and the animals when to wake and eat.

So of course when all i do is “work,” i feel tired and ready for bed. Which means… i am NOT ready for ANY sexual activity.

i would vote in favor of DST year round! Just saying!

2) Holidays galore. i LOVE Halloween and Thanksgiving, but especially Christmas. It is the only holiday that we all decorate our houses inside and out, we greet one another with something other than “hello” and “goodbye” (typically Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays), and everyone gets a gift . And let’s not forget the parties or special events (concerts, theater productions, etc) that are themed and timed all around these particular dates.

Now don’t get onto me about the words “all” and “everyone”, because i recognize not all decorate or that not everyone gets a gift. But… more do than don’t. So meaning, there is no other holiday where even half the people on any given street would decorate the outside of their house, and especially no other holiday with lights too. And no other holiday where we all get gifts, unlike your birthday where it’s just you, or mother’s/Father’s Day where it is just that sex. So it becomes a festive and (literally) bright holiday.

But…. all these festivities require more things be added to the to-do list too. And that means more “work” has to be done to prepare for all this fun and festivity. So we already have fewer daylight hours and now we have more to do in them!

3) allergies and head colds set in. i have been battling this for a week now. My head hurts all the time from a too-stopped-up or a won’t-stop-running nose. That is wearing me down for sure.

But… it gets dark early, soooooo…. off to bed for me! [ALWAYS ways to find the positive!]

4) But the biggest and most primary reason of all that Winter is Hard to be sexy…..We have SO many clothes on!

i’ve experimented with No Clothes on in the house. It was hard to do in the summer for my own modesty (self consciousness) and our teen son in the house. But NOW… because i would be shivering all day everyday. In fact, i have on more clothes now than i did then.

SO WHAT TO DO?

So how to change these negative trends? How do you combat the “winter blah” and still look, feel, and act sexy… to keep the marriage sparks flaming?!

Good question. Glad you asked. Oh wait.. i asked YOU! i want to know…. what do YOU do to stay sexy in the winter-blah months?

i’ve been absent from here lately (and i know you know and i am grateful to those that have asked me about it …. knowing someone cares is sexy all by itself)…… but….. i think it’s time to come back. To embrace the un-sexy part of winter.

You tell me today what you do… and i will tell you tomorrow what i do! Deal? Ok then… give me a comment below then!

Hugs,

Marie

153 – Happy Birthday to me

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Today is my birthday.

Here is how i define myself:

– mother – of 1 boy, 16-years old. He’s an amazing son and almost always follows the rules. Just like me!

– Texan – my whole life, through and through.

– overall Conservative beliefs, but truly believe “vote the candidate, not the party”.

– believe everyone should be able to live their life with freedoms to do as they think and believe are best….. but that also means you don’t push those beliefs onto someone else, because they too have the ability to live as they believe best, which possibly (probably!) differs from your beliefs in part of full.

– kindness is the best attribute to have.

– love others as Jesus taught us to love: unconditionally. No matter their color, race, sex, or other trait.

– we should always be learning. Things that others are different from me, physical or mental, are simply opportunities for me to learn.

– handouts shouldn’t be given as freely as they are, i’d prefer to teach you to fish for a lifetime than to give you a fish for today’s meal. Again, opportunity to learn.

– but if someone is in truly need, the handout should be available and given freely.

– but assess whether you truly need it, or just want it, being honest with yourself and others.

– i am 49-years old. About to live the last 365-days in the 40’s decade of my life. And i am ok with that!

– i feel “old” some days and “quite young” others.

– age isn’t just a state of mind, because my body has regular aches and pains telling me it is starting to feel the decades roll past. (But key word is “starting”, so i’m not “old” yet either).

– friend to many, but especially to my husband and my sister. My sister has been with me from the start of life and my husband has been with me for half of my life.

– married. In January Sir and i will have been married for 20-years, dated for 5-before that.

– submissive wife. i try my best to be as submissive as possible, but recognizing i am not a slave either. i am his wife, who follows his lead and directive.

– get spanked for discipline and punishment when submissiveness fails, or it’s just a Friday for maintenance.

– recognize that i am not in control of much of anything. God is is in control of everything though.

– and that God gave men the directive to lead and love his wife.

– and God also said the wife is to follow, submit and obey, her husband. So i do.

– Christian. As you can tell from above. i believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior, and will one day come back to save us all from this failing world.

– a failing world in 2020 is where we are. But i know this is not my (ultimate) home.

– and i have come full circle in that while i want you to believe in Christ also, i won’t force it on you. But should you want to know or learn more, consider emailing me. i try to answer all emails, but sometimes i do miss some.

have a great and amazing day! This is the best Hump day in a long time!

Now go have my cake and eat it too!

Hugs,

Marie

152 – Change. Or is it Process Improvement ?

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Change is hard. No one likes it. It is a big, mean, scary monster that rears its ugly head every so often and we don’t like it.

But what if you heard the words, “Process Improvement,”……….. would that make it less big, mean, or scary? Would you be able to embrace it better?

Think about it, no one C-H-A-N-G-E-S anything for the express purpose of making it worse. We make changes trying to make things better. While the old adage of, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” is generally true….. sometimes it can still be improved. Maybe a fix isn’t what is needed, but improvement might be.

THIS is what i would say is happening in my marriage right now. We are doing “Process Improvement.” Nothing too major, and we aren’t fixing what ain’t broke, but we are tweaking things. We are improving things.

So we aren’t abandoning any of our old ways, lifestyle, or DD. We are just improving it.

i told you that November is historically a bad month for us. We fight in November probably more than all the other months combined! i don’t even think David realizes that the month on the calendar ….. November …. is the common denominator. But i do.

This past week, i set out to C-H-A-N-G-E things. Or … said in a nicer, more palatable way…. to IMPROVE things.

One thing i realized was that we were both feeling under-appreciated. And as such, we wanted the other to DO something to or for the other to make it better. (We both wanted the other to C-H-A-N-G-E!)

i decided to stop waiting to be the one to receive it, and to be the one to give it. (Tis better to give than to receive… right?… okay, that’s the saying for December, and we are still in THANKFUL November… so back to NOVEMBER…)

Ya know though, the funny thing about giving is that typically you do indeed end up receiving. What goes around, comes around. Give out the good and the good comes back to you.

It started with me making a spontaneous breakfast for both David and i on Thursday. On Friday, i texted him saying, “I was just thinking about you. I hope your day is good. I love you.” Nothing big at all, and certainly not expensive, but still meaningful.

And on Saturday, he asked me to go out and play golf with him. Now this may sound minor, it was actually HUGE….. because he plays EVERY Saturday with the guy friends and he/i play on (some) Sunday afternoons.

i said, “Aren’t you playing with the guys?”

And he said, “The weather is going to be perfect and I thought it would be nice to play with you.”

He chose me over all the other men on a Saturday.

There was NO way i was saying no! So we went to play. And the weather was amazing and we enjoyed the day together. And we both played good too (an added bonus!)

And when we got home he said, “We haven’t done maintenance in several weeks. Don’t you think it’s needed?”

Now i know maintenance spankings work. And i know it probably was needed. But i don’t actually like being spanked. i like giving up control, knowing i submit to my husband, and knowing how well it works. But i don’t like the actual spanking itself.

So i was immediately annoyed.

i was thinking, “why ruin a perfectly good day with that? Besides, i am in the middle of doing something else now too.”

i was thinking of the loophole here too.

He didn’t say we had to do it right NOW. In fact, he asked me about it. He didn’t tell me to go assume the position even!?!?

He saw me roll my eyes and asked about it. He said, “what are you thinking?” i spoke my mind and told him all the things in my head.

He tilted his head and said, “You know what I meant.” And i did. He was right. i just didn’t like or want it at that moment.

So i got up and went to the bedroom. He followed me. He got out the paddle and stood at the end of the bed.

And he watched me undress. While i have undressed and/or been naked in front of him 1,000+ times in our marriage, when you do it while someone is staring at you, with a paddle in their hand, waiting on you…. it’s a bit humiliating and intimidating.

And maybe it is supposed to be that way.

Because in that fine razor point moment, i dropped the attitude and showed the submissive heart that i needed (and ultimately wanted) to too.

And i was spanked. For the first time in several weeks…. maybe in all of November even.

Afterward, we sat and talked a bit about all the fighting and even the bickering we had had lately. (And it hurt to sit on my red bottom then!). We talked about ways to avoid the fights in the future.

At Missy’s advice, i suggested we implement the red light system for fights in the same way we have it for discipline. Green is all good to go, yellow is slow it down as this is not going in the right direction, and red is stop right now. This system can, and hopefully will, be used by both of us to not have disagreements escalate in the first place.

But we also talked about times when we get mad anyway. When he is getting mad at me because of things i am saying (or yelling) what to do then. Because he doesn’t want to ever spank when he’s mad (because he may lose control at that point), we agreed he would tell me to go stand in the corner until i calm down enough to speak my words without the negative tone. Or he will tell me to write out what i have to say on paper, where he will read it and determine a response. Both of these cause me to take a pause and to reflect further before spewing anger everywhere.

And if i am just so mad (and stubborn) that i refuse to do these things, then he will flat out ignore me until i calm down. At which time, i will go assume the spanking position and prepare for a bad punishment. i will not be punished for what i wanted or was trying to say (aka: what i was mad about), but rather for failure to submit to the directive of standing in the corner or writing it out calmly. And then after that, we will also deal with “the issue” at hand causing the anger in the first place.

He agreed these were all smarter ways to deal with our anger than what we have been doing in the month of November.

So…. we are tweaking things. Making changes… or rather… Process Improvements!

i am encouraged… and THANKFUL…. For so many wonderful, things in my life…. including my best friend, head of house, and dominant husband to whom i submit to.

Next time you think about C-H-A-N-G-E, think about it positively with the notion that things are just I-M-P-R-O-V-I-N-G… and embrace it! It just might come full circle where the good you put out, comes back to you 10-fold greater!

Hugs,

Marie

151 – November and me and Sir

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Do not mix. i have NO idea why.

We have been married (almost) 20-years now and dated for 5-before that. And (almost) without fail, every November is the hardest month of the entire year for our relationship.

And this November has been NO different!

This is one reason you haven’t heard much from me…. i have been sad, unhappy, and generally depressed about it all. It doesn’t make for good writing, let alone happy, smiling, or feeling appreciated.

We have been “off” most of the month. i told you about one disagreement already, but then just a mere 6-days later we had another argument. And these were the “big battles” among many small skirmishes too.

We simply do not communicate well, respond to one another well, and generally have a horrible month. It’s something about the time of year, the weather change, or just the turn of the calendar because by December things always improve again.

Add to that, when we fight we are NOT nice to one another. In fact, i have said “we go for the jugular.” Two people who even “like” one another should not WANT to hurt one another…. ever. Verbally, physically, or mentally.

And yet….. we do.

We just get THAT mad at one another. Now i have said that the opposite of love is NOT hate. When you hate someone (or something), you still have a lot of emotion about it. No, the opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care at all to even be mad you have simply given up. So the fact that we fight, even with how horribly we are to one another, we do still care! That’s the silver lining.

So now… after starting out terribly, i decided to make a very big effort to end it differently.

Making lemonade from lemons.

In control of my own destiny.

Make life be what you want.

Mind over matter.

Make it happen.

Just do it.

Ok…. enough of the pep talk. So what am i even talking about??

Well….. if two people who love one another shouldn’t want to make each other mad (and hurting), then what should you be doing instead?!?

Yes….. things that make one another happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So i decided to do just that.

i am not telling Sir this is what i am up to. It is just going to happen. And i suspect he will notice and be happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

It takes work to be nice though!! Especially when you don’t feel like it. When you feel wronged, you want to be vindicated. You want the other person to initiate the solution. You want them to apologize, be kind to you, and ……. make you feel happy, smile, feel appreciated, and on and on. You think “THEY should be the one to fix this!”

The trouble with this … is you both are thinking the same thing. You both want the other person to initiate the solution. But too often we think, “why should I be the one to fix this? I’m not the problem! He/she should say they are sorry…..”. And the cycle never ends. Or ends poorly at best!

So today, i decided i will be the solution. i have clearly been with David long enough to know the things that make him happy (or unhappy), smile, feel appreciated, and on and on.

So instead of thinking about how he is the problem and/or should implement the solution, i decided it doesn’t matter who is the problem. i know how to fix this. i just need to do it. Be in control of my own destiny. Make it happen.

Make November end on a positive and good note and significantly better than how it has started!

And i started this morning.

i tend to eat breakfast on the go. Something quick, easy, and in the car. Something like a piece of fruit and a granola bar. Rarely do i take the time to “make” breakfast. But i decided today i would.

Additionally, all 3 of us (David, myself, AND our son) tend to go our own ways and do our own thing for breakfast. All in the name of just getting ourselves out the door and the day started.

But today, i decided it would be different. And instead of “just” slowing down and cooking breakfast for myself, i also made David breakfast too.

He was surprised. But he was happy, smiled, felt appreciated, and on and on. And he also thanked me! He noticed!

It also made ME feel better. i felt happy, smiled, appreciated, and on and on. i find great joy in serving others, especially David. i like treating others as you’d like to be treated. i like doing good in the world.

So not only has our day started out better with a good breakfast, but now we have a good attitude too!

Today is the start of a new end of a November. Breaking the cycle starting now. A much needed change to the negativity and problems we have brought about every November (as well as already in this first half of this one too!).

Now i have to come up with what tomorrow’s “good thing” will be…… suggestions?? (Careful what you suggest – as i might just turn it around and ask “have you done that for someone you care about lately too?!”)

Lastly….. i am disappointed that our DD relationship has not worked as intended this month. We haven’t been in (many) fights at all since implementing this lifestyle about 2-years ago. But we haven’t given up on it either. And we won’t. Like everything though, it just needs some tweaking. We will get back on track and it starts now… today… with a good breakfast.

And with feelings of being happy, smiling, feeling appreciated , and on and on.

Hugs –

Marie

150 – Sometimes… it doesn’t work

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Disclaimer… i started this post almost a week ago…. so the “tonight” was 5-days ago now…..

Like house smoked brisket green chile pizza with smoked paprika on it. (who does that really?)

But the other thing that doesn’t work… sometimes…. is D/s or DD. Sometimes, it just doesn’t.

i usually praise it. At how well it works. And it does. Until it doesn’t.

So i like to tell you about the times it works. That is positive, fun to talk about, and it creates an “all warm and fuzzy inside,” kind of feeling.

But that’s not real life, at least not 100% of the time anyway. So this post is going to be “real life” with you and tell you about how the lifestyle we have just doesn’t ALWAYS work. (But let’s be real, nothing in life “always” works, right?)

So now i’ll tell you about our night tonight… and tell you how our lifestyle hasn’t made things “all good” for us tonight.

In fact, as i write this, we are still officially in a fight. And i am about to head to sleep, in the guest room. i’d like to tell you i’m sad about this, but right now, i am still so mad i just can’t be sad. After i calm down, i will likely be in tears and be sad, because that’s what i do. But at this moment, i am honestly…. just mad… still.

So what happened anyway? And will this be ok?

i’ll answer the second one first… yes, this will be ok. In fact, it will be fine by tomorrow after we both calm down.

Back to the first question now…..

So David set up a date with a new couple. A first date. i wasn’t too crazy about going, mostly because i don’t do well on Friday nights. i am tired from a long week of work and after getting up early every day, i am mentally and physically just tired. So on Friday’s, i am ready to do “nothing at all.” Or something with “just” my family, where i put on NO airs whatsoever.

But i didn’t argue or disagree. i just got ready and we went. This was probably the first mistake though. i should’ve just said i didn’t want to go. But it felt like a party-pooper kinda thing to say or do, so i didn’t.

We went to a restaurant that i have never been to. The weather was nice, and we sat outside. Perfect. And it really was at this point. i tried to tell myself to just enjoy the evening. But i could tell i wasn’t in the right frame of mind. So i smiled and was just (relatively) quiet and let the others talk.

i was looking at the menu and everything from the drinks to the food was filled with descriptions that when i was done reading it, i felt like i had no “real” certainty of what anything would actually taste like. It was not a fancy place at all really, but let’s just say the menu-designer (or chef) used a lot of 50 cent words to make it fancier than was necessary.

Here’s an example: Green Chile Smoked Brisket oven fired pizza. Here’s what the menu says about it, “smoked house brisket | poblano salsa | goat cheese | roasted corn | smoked paprika.”

That’s a pizza! Who smokes paprika? And then puts it on a pizza? Where is the basic marguerita or pepperoni with mozzarella?

i don’t especially like to go “exotic” when it comes to my meals. i mean, i will try new stuff, but i have to have some confidence that i will end up with something i will want to eat and pay for too.

So now my sour puss mood got even more sour! Because i just wasn’t in the mood for all this “new stuff”.

The entire evening went like this. And as i listened to David tell them things that made us sound rich, famous, jet setting, trendy people, the more annoyed i became.

i felt like he was exaggerating for NO reason, except to either show off or want to be liked. Neither of which do i find attractive qualities in anyone. And so i continued to get even more annoyed.

At the end of the dinner, we parted ways, and the very minute we were in the car, David said, “what’s going on with you? You barely spoke.”

And i said, “well, sometimes you say things that i wonder about, and you said a lot of those things tonight.”

He said, “like what?”

So i told him, “sometimes i think maybe you say things that lead people to believe one way and it’s not exactly the truth and it bothers me.” And he said, “you need to stop now. I’m already getting irritated. I never lied about anything tonight. So just stop!”

i did. i stopped. But if truth be told, i think he got irritated because i think he didn’t like me calling him out on his behavior. And as i have told you before, most of the time… if it just doesn’t matter, its often better to keep your mouth closed. While i did stop, the proverbial cat was out of the bag.

As we approached the house, after sitting in silence for much of the ride home, he said, “is it time for a spanking?”

And i said, “No.”

He said, “Since when do you get to decide??”

i said, “since you ASKED, and i answered.”

And we proceeded to get into a yelling match from there. Because my tone was NOT submissive in ANY way. (At one point i yelled, “Don’t ASK if you don’t want an answer given! And while i will accept it, i will never volunteer for a spanking!”)

And i am STILL mad. But at least now we went from yelling to silent treatment. And i am ok with that!

Now this is where our dynamic has failed us tonight. Most of the time, we don’t fight. We talk rationally. And when that fails, i do get spanked – mostly for failure to yield.

But when we are both SO angry, like we are tonight, it is NOT a good time to spank. i probably wouldn’t accept it anyway, not with the right heart anyway. And he might not deliver it well either, and probably not with the right intention or leadership also.

This is where, had he indeed spanked me, i think we both would look back later and think it was unjust, improper, and (possibly) abusive.

Instead, i picked up my pillow and moved to the guest room……..With my iPad to be able to tell you all about it.

Disclaimer number two……Here is where i will finish this post “tonight,” in real time…..

i didn’t end up finishing that post because when i got that far, about 20-minutes into being in the guest room, David texted me and said, “I think you need to come back to our bed to sleep here with me.”

It was a test. And we both knew it.

i didn’t want to! i wanted to be mad. But i also knew i wouldn’t be mad forever, and why be stubborn just for the sake of it too??

So i texted back and said, “Yes Sir.”

And picked up my pillow and went back to our room. i got in bed and he said, “Good night. I love you.” And i said the same. That was all the words we spoke.

So with that, a truce and cease fire had been issued.

The next morning, we didn’t really say much. We said some, but really it was over and done.

In thinking about it now though….. in some ways, maybe our lifestyle dynamic did NOT fail us. While the “normal way” we do things didn’t go as usual, in the end, he was my Dom and told me to come to bed, and i was his submissive and complied.

So while he didn’t use force of the paddle, he did use his power of words. And i exercised my right to submit. It is a right and i do have a decision to make. And i still choose David as my Head or Household, dominant, Sir and husband.

So this week has been dull compared to this past weekend. And i am only now deciding this was “blog post worthy.” It took me several days of debating if i was going to broadcast that our dynamic failed us, we got into a huge fight, and i was doubting things for a hot minute there.

But in the end, our dynamic really has worked… just in an unexpected way.

And Friday maintenance is upcoming and eminent too! So maybe the paddle will collide with my rear soon enough!

Hugs,

Marie