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Tag: domestic discipline

142 – Toughest Part

Written by Marie on . Posted in Submission. No Comments on 142 – Toughest Part

*** had problems with the site and this post dropped off for some unknown reason. Reposting it now. If you read it when it was here before, it’s the same now.

i was recently asked, “What was the toughest part of transitioning to this lifestyle?”

It occurred to me maybe others wonder this too. SO…. i decided to post about this. And maybe some of my favorite people (with even more experience than me!) can comment also and give even more insight on their experiences too!

There have been a few things that have been hard actually. Here’s a couple that i can immediately think of: 1) learning to forgive myself. When David says penance has been served and it is truly “over” it really is! and 2) to not give up on this lifestyle when it doesn’t work right away, but to communicate and work out the details and try again.

But the single thing that has personally been “the” hardest for me, and i want to spend the rest of this post talking about is……

Learning to curb my tongue.

In the past, when i had something to say, i said it! Without any real regard to how it was said…. tone, wording, timing. None of it.

i felt i had the right to speak my mind to my husband…. anytime i wanted and specivically in any way i wanted. We were equals after all!

But looking back on it now, i realize i said things in ways that were quite frankly rude, disrespectful, or even demeaning.

i’d tell you that i spoke to coworkers or friends in ways that were better than how i spoke to David. i didn’t mean to and i never saw it that way then. But i certainly do now. Now my eye glass lenses have been adjusted to see with 20/20 vision! And i don’t especially like what i see now for how things were then.

i felt though that i could “speak my mind in honesty” with him, where i couldn’t with others. And while that is still true now (that i can speak my mind to him), i didn’t pay any attention to HOW i said it to him. Whereas now, i absolutely do!

Also i never had the right to speak down to him (or to coworkers about him) that used words that (effectively) raise me up above him. But i did. i’d say things like, “Are you sureeeeee that’s the best way to do that?” implying that MY way was better or more superior, but of course, making him guess what that was or even goading him into asking me “and what way is that?”

At the time, i didn’t ever see it tis way (demeaning, degrading) at all. Not really anyway. Oh i suppose there were times that i’d think, “I probably shouldn’t have said it like that.” But that was that and i’d subsequently think, “oh well” too.

With clearer eye sight, it’s easy to see things differently now. i now don’t see my behavior then as acceptable at all. Honestly, i was out of line. Even “IF” we were equal, and i had the right to speak my mind, the way it was done was not at all respectful or kind. i know that now. In fact, i am now rather embarrassed at how i acted then.

But through these new lenses, this negative way of speaking to or about your spouse seems to be what i see as the norm for a lot of people. So in some ways, i guess you could say i only did what others do. But that doesn’t make it right!

Here’s an example…. My coworkers say things like, “yeah, my husband was a dumb ass this weekend…” and proceed to tell us what so-called stupid thing their husband did. And of course, her words already set the stage to imply she wouldn’t’ have done it that way and her way was more superior. Raising herself up and ultimately putting him down too.

Or another coworkers said this week, “I have to leave early to take my daughter to the doctor. My husband screwed it up last time. So I’m going to do it myself today.” Obviously saying she could get it done “right” compared to him not being able to. And further, he’s not even capable (or worth her time) to try to educate him on what this “right” way is also!

But … it’s been a “process” to change. And one i have had to truly commit to and work at. i’ve had to be very intentional to hold my tongue, reword things in a positive/ better way, determine what really should be said (or not), and how to defer to him. Always.

And honestly, David has held me to it too. He raises his eyebrows or says, “you sure you wnat to continue speaking to me this way?” It tells me that he never really liked the way i treated or talked to him before, but he rather just tolerated it.

But now he has authority to do something about it too! Before if there was something he didn’t like, there wasn’t much that could be done. And now an “attitude adjustment” ensues if i were to continue on the negative talk path.

i’m glad i made the transition. i’m glad i show, act, and display more respect to my husband directly, but also to my coworkers and friends. i no longer engage in office banter about how “stupid” my husband was, but rather i speak the opposite. “We had an amazing weekend where i got to enjoy spending time with my husband. He makes me happy.”

And it’s true. i do believe it with my whole heart – he does make me happy! And yet, curbing my tongue was a process and definitely not an easy one!

And because of a second glitch, the next post… if you wanted to read the, in order of how i had originally posted it, please click here on my blue words. Otherwise, you will read them in order of how the site posted them and that’s ok too.

Hugs,
Marie

141 – what was i thinking?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 141 – what was i thinking?

A couple of posts back, i was struggling with creativity/ideas of what to write about and needed inspiration. You have come through in a big way! i have received some emails lately with some interesting questions that as i ponder the answers, i decided would make great blog content (for several posts coming up too!). So here goes…..

What was i thinking….and what went through my mind as i was asking for D/s?

The first thing to know is that, at THE moment i asked David for this lifestyle, there was very little going through my head except, “say it out loud – just do it!” Because i had already done my homework, had the security and assurance that this is indeed what i wanted, and i only needed the confidence to say it out loud.

But before i got to that part, there was a TON of stuff going through my head. The first things that went through my head was a series of unending questions that included:

1) What is wrong with me? 2) WHY do i want this? 3) Why would i have to be disciplined like a child of some sort?! 4) Who would want to give up control (like a child) of things that (as an adult) i am realistically entitled to? 5) And by “discipline,” does that translate to and simply amount to asking to be physically abused?

So W-H-Y was this even something to consider, let alone ask for?!

All these questions kept cycling though my mind and i was struggling! Yes, i truly considered the thought that i was already, or in the process of becoming, crazy!

And then my next set of questions that ran through my head was more related to David: 1) if i think i am crazy, won’t he also think the same? 2) How will he react? 3) Will he want to discipline me? 4) Will he like disciplining me?…… And if he does, does that mean he will ultimately feel empowered to perhaps abuse me?

So honestly, i had more questions than answers and wasn’t even sure how to process all this in my head at first. And the one person, David, who i wanted to talk to the most …… i felt like i couldn’t. And that made me sad.

As a result, it took a lot of time for me to even bring it up to him. Like probably close to a year! i wish now that i had found courage sooner and had just talked to him from the start. We could’ve worked through these things together. Instead, i found my own answers and sorted through it on my own, which was good AND bad!

It was good because by the time i was able to talk to him about it, i was completely committed and knew this is absolutely what we both needed. We just had to do it! It was bad though because at the time i said it out loud, he was right back where i had started…. with uncertainty, and lots of questions. i had to give him time to process it, work through it all, and give him the space he needed to figure it all out. i was disappointed to say the least! But this is a process.

Thankfully while he was in shock and surprised, he was still willing to consider it and to find out more. So it took us a total of about 1 1/2-2 years before we actually did anything. Which was sad for having wasted so much time before coming together on this, because we are more happy now with it than we probably ever were without it.

If you are thinking of trying to talk to your spouse about this from either the Dom or sub side, the best piece of advice i can give you: TALK! SOONER than later!

Open your mouth and speak from your heart and be genuine. Just start with something like, “I don’t have all the answers, in fact I probably have more questions than anything, but can we consider this together?”

And so on my own though, before i could ask for this…. i needed answers.

i started with the internet. This is such an easy and free resource, it made sense to start here.

When i found that it was Biblical to submit, i already felt a lot better. This was encouragement that i was (maybe!) not crazy. Then i started thinking about “submission” in a general sense. And finally realizing that this would force us to communicate more, that it would likely bring us together more, and i was wanting to be more dependent upon my husband. And all these things propelled me to move forward…. and to ask David about it.

Let me break down those thoughts for a second too…..

Online. i found some amazing blogs online. Many of them gave me a lot of encouragement but not one of them was exactly what i thought we needed. And that was ok, in fact it was good! It caused me to seek what was right for us, take a little of this and a little of that, to form what could work for us.

And of course, i found a lot about submission from a biblical sense. “Christian Domestic Discipline” has taken a beating on the internet. And most of the criticisms seem to stem from the idea that it is just abuse cloaked in Christianity. i don’t believe this at all. i think Domestic Discipline is a way to keep things in line with how we want them to be, and submission is Christian based.

Submission in general. Okay, so if this is Christian based, shouldn’t we all be submissive?? But if we are ALL submissive, then who’s left to be dominant? But the Bible doesn’t say ALL people are to be submissive, but instead just the wives. Whereas the husband should lead and love her unconditionally.

And then i started seeing submission everywhere.

When you go to work and your boss is mad at you, let’s say for something you didn’t even do. But he/she is SO mad they are going off on you. How do you react? Most of us would probably stand there and take it, at least mostly. Sometimes the annoyance or anger we feel might boil over and come out, but even when it does, we typically try to contain the anger and chose our words wisely. Isn’t that submission? You submitted to their authority! And you even did it with respect towards them.

Okay…. so if this D/s thing is online, working for others, biblical and submission is what i am to do, and i do it already in other parts of my life…… why wouldn’t i do it in my marriage also?

Now my thinking had come full circle! i was suddenly looking for reasons NOT to submit.

So IS DD just domestic spousal abuse? Clearly, i think it is not! Or i wouldn’t be doing it! And i suppose this could be apart of my next post – which came from the next question i’ve been asked……

Why would i want to be dependent on my husband and how does he take on this responsibility without effectively having to become my parent?

And i will leave it right there and that will be my next blog posting!

Hugs,

Marie

137 – masochist … am i?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 137 – masochist … am i?

A few weeks back, i started talking about the various (numerous!) labels of a submissive and never finished those thoughts. Since that’s been on my mind lately, i am now circling back there.

i happen to think ANY AND ALL submissives willing to bend over and receive discipline IS indeed a masochist. (i also think the dominant willing to administer the discipline is also a sadist. But that’s an entirely different topic series so i’ll just set that down right there and leave it.)

Maybe. Probably. At least on some level. Y-E-S. Every sub is a masochist.

Why do i say that?

Masochist by definition is a person who takes pleasure in pain and suffering.

And typically that pleasure and pain is derived from sexual activity, although it doesn’t have to be.

Okay, so YES. i DO take pleasure in pain and suffering. So YES, i AM a masochist.

But that pleasure may not be quite (probably) how you may thinking though too. NO, i don’t derive joy from the actual pain. i truly don’t! While i do sometimes get a little bit wet between the legs, it is never something that i am even aware of. And usually when you are sexually turners on, you are well aware. David does sometimes put his fingers down there to check, and he almost always comments about what he finds. He especially and most often does this when we are doing maintenance sessions. And most times, he will continue to fondle my puss until i orgasm, but this is never a given and only at David’s discretion.

And i am ALWAYS surprised when he tells me i am wet. i have never once felt sexually aroused at the pain of a spanking. i have tried to analyze the “why” this could happen without feeling mentally or being aware of how i am physically aroused. To no avail. i’ll maybe write about that some time too. But that’s another post as well!

i do take pleasure, however, in pleasing David. And in times that i accept punishment for wrong doing, it ultimately means having to accept pain and suffering. And when he is pleased at how i have accepted it with grace (and submission), THAT makes me happy.

So my pleasure in pain and suffering is nothing more than a math formula. A= B, and B= C, so A= C. In this math problem —- >

A= my pleasure,

B= discipline to accept correction,

C= pain and suffering.

Maybe it is the fact that i know i am making David happy when i recognize/agree with him that discipline is necessary to fix bad behaviors, such that I willingly accept discipline, that it causes me to be wet between the legs. But again, i didn’t say “sexual pleasure is coming from experiencing pain and suffering.”

So yes, i think i am a masochist. But not in the most traditional definition of it either.

All that said – i was out shopping a bit with my sister today at a couple of quaint little antique-type shops when i spied a well-used razor strop. And i immediately thought, “i wonder if its well-used-position was a result of really making a razor sharp, or someone’s back side red?!!?!”

The picture here is that strop i saw. i couldn’t help but pull out my phone and snap a pic. Will it cause pleasure, pain, or suffering or all of the above?!

My sister doesn’t really know about our dynamic, not really, so i didn’t say my thoughts out loud. But i won’t deny, i contemplated buying it and having David test its strength on my backside. And all of these thoughts did make me wet! Today i felt the telltale sign of the release of liquid from my puss, right there in the shop. So maybe i AM a masochist in the truest sexual pain equals pleasure equation too! (Everyone knows that by rearranging the algebra equation you get an entirely different answer! Who ever said you didn’t need algebra in real world life was so incorrect!)

No matter – i will own the masochist submissive title – one way or the other!

What do you think… am i a masochist … traditionally or otherwise? What about you…. are you a masochist or are you dominating one? i think the answers are all YES!

Hugs,

Marie

136 – Pierced again.

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i apparently have a piercing addiction. But i think i’m done now.

i have gotten the hood of my clit pierced this past weekend. Most people think it’s the actual clit that gets pierced, but it’s not. At least not for most people anyway. It’s the flap of skin just above it that covers it up and gives protection to it.

That hood protects the clit for sure, but when it is pierced, a bar sits on top of it and causes it to be stimulated anytime you move.

And i got my hood pierced.

i wanted to do it when i did the nipples but David said no. He didn’t want me to have too much done at once for the cleaning, recovery process, healing. And of course, if i got all 3-of the main sexual-body-parts pierced at the same time, he would be on the sideline for awhile since there wouldn’t be another player on the field to play with.

And he doesn’t do sidelines well!

But the nipples have healed quite nicely now and he gave permission to get the hood pierced too!

So i did it!

i have wanted this for a long time but many years ago, i couldn’t have even imaged (let alone gone and down) opening my legs and bared my pussy to someone (likely a man) to touch it and to pierce it! i wasn’t even concerned then about the piercing itself or the pain, it was the humility of exposing myself that was my ultimate hang up.

But now with our D/s marriage, and David getting me when he wants it any way he wants, i have learned to not be (quite) so modest and a bit more open. (Ok, a bit probably isn’t the right word! My my how things have changed!!)

i did this 5-days ago. And it doesn’t hurt much at all now. In fact, i have to say it didn’t actually hurt much at all! It didn’t bleed one bit either.

The actual procedure was over and done in about 2-minutes. It was longer to ask questions ahead of time – cleaning process, healing process, what to expect, etc.

i laid on a table, just like those in a doctor’s office. He put one leg in a stir-up, like the OB GYN office, but the other leg fell off to the side.

The stems gets part was when the piercer said he had to clean the “underside of the hood, that sits on top of the clit” with alcohol. It was a strange mix of stimulation. Then he said, “Deep breath in…. and now out.” And on the “out,” i felt the piercing.

And then he screwed on the ends and i admired the jewels in my body’s lower genitals with happiness!

Five days later now it feels tender and almost like a slight bruise when it is irritated, but otherwise, it doesn’t have any pain at all. The piercer said “7-14 days to heal,” and i feel it is on track to be there.

In the meantime, i have been very careful to not touch or cause myself pain in anyway possible. i am also on best submissive behavior with David too. The last thing i need is to have to be spanked for poor behavior and possibly risk having pain “down there” accidentally from being punished.

And i am quite pleased with all the jewels i now sport!

But i can’t imagine piercing anything else either. i mean, what else is there anyway?!?!

Hugs,

Marie

135 – Maintenance Fridays

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i have attempted to explain Maintenance Friday (MF – okay, completely coincidental with those words!) sessions in the past. To no real avail. i don’t know if i can adequately explain it any better now than i did before, but i’m going to try.

By agreement, we decided to have a MF spanking session every week. Every Friday morning.

Yes, i submit my bottom to be spanked every week. Even when i have done nothing wrong. In fact, MF sessions are not typically about anything done wrong. It is “just because.” It is scheduled for every Friday morning. That schedule doesn’t change. It’s been set for about a year now for that day and time every week.

Seriously, most maintenance Friday sessions are NOT real “MF’ers” as far as spankings go. In fact, most are not too bad at all. David varies the length and intensity. And frankly speaking, it is a practice session, not the real thing. It’s practicing to make perfect. And like anything, the practice session is similar but typically not quite as intense either.

Sometimes though, even i find myself thinking about the “why” do we do MF’s too, especially now, 2-years into practicing Domestic Discipline (DD).

First i should tell you when we started MF, it was because i asked for it. When we first started doing DD, David was tentative. He was nervous and i think he wondered if i was setting him up for failure. Here i was saying, “discipline me.” And i suspect he was like, “what’s the catch?”

So i asked to have MF to be able to show him that i was serious about wanting for him discipline me through spankings, allow him the ability to learn how to do it really without being a pressure (correction) session, and for me to have a chance to show him i would indeed submit.

That’s why we first did them, but why now? Why continue? Well, i would say the ultimate reason now is reinforcement.

To reinforce the good things we want to happen. And decrease the things we don’t.

And yes, i do truly mean “we”, as in, both of David and i. We work together to make our marriage better and we agree that this DD dynamic is really good for us! And we both want, and i dare say “need,” it too! Our marriage is stronger as a result of MF. Our communication, teamwork, and common goal (to make our marriage stronger) is at the forefront. Okay, yes, i know these things can be achieved in other ways too, but THIS way works for us.

Okay, so those are some great outcomes, but W-H-Y would i do that…..Submit to being spanked for no reason?

AND,

W-H-Y would David spank me for nothing done wrong?

Well…. if for no other reason…. practice makes perfect.

Practice WHAT exactly?

Well…. several things actually…..

1) Spanking. Yes. Practicing the actual act of it makes it become perfect. David knows exactly how much i can tolerate, how much makes me cry, how much turns my butt red, and how much is too much….. or not enough. He knows how hard to swing. He knows which instruments cause what results.

And it works for me in the opposite way too. i have learned to receive a spanking the way David wants to deliver it. i know what causes me to wince, to cry, and how it feels. So with fresh reminders from weekly MF spankings, i will (hopefully) want to do what is needed to avoid any further punishments during the week also.

2) Dominance. David can chose to spank OR not on MF’s. And sometimes he chooses not to. Because we both know, it is ultimately his decision and HIS choice, and sometimes he decides not to!

So yes, we do skip MF’s sometimes too. But that decision is ultimately up to him and only him. Which is a reminder to me that i am to submit at all times and be ready too if he decides that it is necessary. These MF sessions serve as a reminder to me that he has been granted power and authority by God, and because i chose to submit to both God and my husband, so if he wishes to spank my bottom, i allow it.

It creates and reinforces confidence in David. That he is indeed in charge, and i will follow his lead in our marriage and our house.

3) submission. It reinforces in me that feeling of not being in charge and ultimately not being in control. i chose to submit. It is an active decision to allow my bottom to hurt for a few minutes in order to submit my mind AND my body to my husband, which reinforces his dominance too (see #2 above).

Plus, intentionally getting naked, bending over, and holding still to receive a spanking is a practice in humility. Submission of the mind AND mind. By doing this weekly, it reinforces that the humility is appropriate and nothing to be ashamed of. It allows me to be fully exposed to my husband’s leadership and control in body and spirit.

4) last but not least…….ultimately…… practice does make perfect.

Think about every activity you’ve ever participated in. The actual event is but a moment in time, but the practice leading up to it seemed never ending and perpetual. Whether it be a sporting event, a theater play, a school exam, or a presentation at work. All of these things have one thing in common: practice.

Repetition. Over and over.

Until it’s perfected.

And when the ultimate “go time!” happens, you say a prayer and hope it goes off without a hitch…. just the way you practiced.

In a marriage though, there’s not really a “performance” day. There’s never the final exam. So you go about life and marriage actually hoping in this case that there is NOT a time that all this practicing is needed. Because that means something had actually gone wrong and an actual punishment is needed. A sign of trouble.

How do you react or respond at that sign of trouble?

Most of the time i act and respond just the way we practiced it…. with submission to my husband’s authority. But sometimes i don’t. And he doesn’t either.

That’s when the MF sessions come in handy. We have a plan in place of how to deal with trouble. And then we just enact it. So when things go awry, now we know how to fix it.

We both have practice knowing what a spanking will look, act, and feel like. David also knows what it will take to correct the ill-behavior and bad actions too. So he knows the “real” spanking needs to be more harsh than the MF ones, and frankly, so do i!

So yes, we practice (almost) every Friday. We have spanking sessions, “just because” so that we have practice making it perfect. “It” being the dominance, submission, DD, and yes, the spanking itself!

i don’t know if i explained the “why” very well or not, but don’t knock it til you try it. You might just find that practice does make your submission (or dominance) perfect too!

Hugs,

Marie