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Location, Location, Location

Written by Marie on . Posted in DD, Deep Thoughts, Domestic Discipline, Dominance, Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission, Submissive Wife. 2 Comments on Location, Location, Location

cuffed and submissive wife

So much of D/s, specifically TPE, is about an emotional response to an activity. A dominant wants control over a situation and a submissive’s actions, as well as their feelings about what is happening to them. Location plays a big part of this. Doing a scene in a child’s bedroom can bring about different emotional responses from different subs. Some may take on a child-like persona; some may just be distracted by how uncomfortable they are around a bunch of toys (Can you guess which one I’d be?). Clean freak subs could be completely thrown from the dirty floor they are kneeling on. If that’s the response that the Dom wants, then great. If not, then it could ruin the scene.

We do not have a set dungeon space in our house. As much as Sir wants to have one eventually in a new place, I’m not holding my breath. So, when we play, we are not always in the same area, or even the same floor. And, I have found, that the various locations around our home bring out a strata of emotions, no matter what we are doing. Whatever the emotion, however, Sir has control over the space and what he wants me to feel throughout our play.

Bedroom

Because, obvious. I couldn’t really talk about BDSM scene locations without mentioning the bedroom. It is my favorite place to play. Most often the only place we have sex (unless the kids are not home or passed out). I just feel the most comfortable there. I find myself more willing to do anything and try anything because of how comfortable and safe I feel. Our room brings out my submissive pet nature and often my most sexual side. I have my little bed on the floor that I can see during our scenes.

I am always pulled into my submissive headspace when I am in the bedroom. Even if he is at work and I am just going in there to get laundry. I feel a wave of comfort and safety. It’s a gooey slavey place for me.

Sitting Room (First floor)

I generalized this as the first floor as we usually start in the sitting room, but I often end up crawling the entire space. Most of our scenes are played by the couch and coffee table.

This is a very high protocol space for me. I am often leashed when we play and there is more of a focus on service. I serve Sir drinks, often on trays. Sir wants me to be on my toes so that I can respond to his whims. And I feel that. I am comfortable, but always aware. I am rarely blindfolded, but often gagged, so that I can see his reactions and signals and react wordlessly.

This is a surprisingly comfortable space for me. I feel safe the strictness of it all. It’s not completely routine, but I am used to not being allowed to cum when we play in the sitting room. I don’t expect it anymore. I can focus on cock worship and general service. If I do get to cum, Sir usually takes me upstairs to the bedroom first (see why I like the bedroom).

Bathroom

This is a much more confusing area for me. I find I am able to transition my feelings when I am in the bathroom when he is not there with me (which is good). But I am very apprehensive in the bathroom with him.

Last night I had to squat next to him while he peed. Then he had me ‘clean off’ his penis with my tongue. It was hot. But there is always a sense of wondering what he is going to do. Was that it? Was there more?

This space holds a lot of dichotomy. Showering together (though we rarely get the chance), is a very sensual and calming experience. But when he uses me as a urinal I feel humiliated. Both can be positive, given the right context, but it is a little unnerving to not know which I will leave the bathroom feeling when he follows me in.

Basement

I hate our basement. I’m not sure I can clarify that enough for you. I hate it. It’s dirty, full of boxes, and we have to take a baby monitor down with us as it’s so far away from the sleeping kids.

I also hate it because Sir’s sadistic side comes out in the basement. He can string me up down there. He makes me walk along ropes with knots hitting my clit while hitting me with a crop. It sounds hot. In fact, I’m not sure I would have such a negative response if he did the same thing in our bedroom. But in this case, it is very much the location that brings about a specific feeling. Unease and dread.

The basement is cold. I’m naked, often gagged, and with way too much time to look at all the dirt on the floor and places where I need to organize. There is something about the space that puts me in a submissive, but almost kidnapped headspace. And I’m sure that is where Sir wants me to be. I am my most vulnerable down there. I’m uncomfortable and I will do anything to get out of there. Including take as much pain as humanly possible. Thankfully, he doesn’t take me down there often as he knows what an emotional drain it is.

~

As much as I would love to have a dungeon play space in our next home, I enjoy moving around our house when we play. The variety of emotions is helpful to me, and I think also to Sir, to enjoy our TPE in new ways. So check out all the rooms in your home to find the fun (and frightening) you can have.

*This is a look at how I feel in different spaces during specific play. Your results WILL vary. Play safe.*

Sexing Me into Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, My Dominant Sir, my submissiveness, Submission, Submissive Wife. 3 Comments on Sexing Me into Submission

submissive wife

As part of our rework this weekend, Sir and I talked about how we have been having some issues with communication. Sir doesn’t feel that I have been open enough about my struggles with submitting to him during the work day and when I am alone with the boys. I think that I fight the urge to burden him with my stress while he is at work. But, by not being open with my horniness, stress, and desire to submit, he feels directionless in dominating me. And I have been getting more and more bitter on nights when I go to bed horny and frustrated. With the stress of the children and, recently, this job search, it just doesn’t work. I just get upset and mad at him, and everyone else; my fuse is millimeters long. Not good for a mom with young children. Not to mentioned depressed, stressed, and sleep-deprived.

So, in his infinite wisdom, Sir has decided on a different approach. Rather than sex as a reward he is going to use chastity as punishment. I know that that sounds like the same thing, but it is actually very different. Before, my orgasms were a reward for extremely good behavior. These were often given at the end of a scene or play, after he had cum. So, if for whatever reason, our time was cut short (remember, young children) my orgasm would be forfeit. I found it hard to stay motivated and often found myself getting snippy and bratty because of this. I felt unappreciated and that my service, both domestic and sexual, was being ignored.

And I hated feeling like that. I really approach my submission with a ‘whatever he says goes’ and ‘suck it up, buttercup’ attitude. So why couldn’t I accept his decision about my orgasms? Truthfully, I don’t think I know how to completely deal with my raised sex drive. Basically, since I got pregnant with our second child and I started researching BDSM my horniness has really come out. I thought it may go down after I gave birth, but it didn’t. And now that I have my depression under control, I don’t have anything else to ‘blame’. BDSM has given me the ability and the platform to be the, apparently previously hidden, sexual person I really am. And as much as I love that realization, I’ve not actually had to time to process it’s ramifications completely. Even after we got married, I would go weeks without an orgasm and be fine. I survived my first pregnancy and recovery without issue. This moody response that triggers after hardly 48 hours has been as hard for me to deal with as it has been for Sir. It’s not acceptable, but I haven’t found anything to fix it. So instead, Sir and I need to adapt.

Now my orgasms are not wishful thinking. His are.

If I preform tasks, like Sunday’s cleaning, I get a massive orgasm; or possibly many. Even if I don’t impress him, my orgasm isn’t necessarily taken off the table. But it will be quick. No time will be taken; no after cuddles provided. More importantly, now, are his orgasms. If I succeed in my ordered endeavors, I will get the chance to give him an amazing orgasm. On Sunday, if I had not followed his direction, he said that he would just jerk off in a towel. At first I was startled that he would be ok masturbating rather than using my body. But then I realized how upset I was at the thought that my behavior would cause him to have to do that. Immediately I wanted to do everything I could to avoid him having to use a towel. My orgasm wasn’t important, I just didn’t want him to not be given the relaxing orgasm that he deserves; that my body could give him. Like it was some sort of horror. It didn’t used to be. I remember, before BDSM, I would go to sleep and he would be horny and just jerk off so he could fall asleep. It never really bothered me then. But I remember this feeling of panic when he told me as he put my gag on Sunday night.

I never would have thought that ‘switching’ the orgasm focus could be so effective. And so immediate. And so lasting. Sir didn’t have a great Monday and turned in soon after the boys went to bed. So I came downstairs to write and finish up a few work bits and bobs. I felt good. Not bitter, and certainly not moody at the idea that he needed some rest. I was calm. Calm and happy.

Sex leads to submission, submission leads to sex. I think this new approach will be a win/win for both of us. Because I will do whatever I can to keep him away from that towel and reaching for me instead.

292 – i was bad, and now we are good

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 292 – i was bad, and now we are good

Today is Friday. i haven’t had a maintenance spanking in a longgggg time. It was middle of September the last time i was spanked for maintenance purposes.

While it’s been awhile since i wrote about the Types of Spankings, when i re-read it tonight, i would say it’s all still true.

Maintenance Spankings work. They hurt. They are intended to. They are preemptive in curbing bad attitudes/activities before they get so bad it has to be punishment. They are also reminders of what could be worse if i keep on doing bad things. (i also think maintenance does David good too. He wields his hand and exerts his authority. He’s reminded how to be Dominate every time too.)

Today’s maintenance was needed. Much needed. Probably a good two weeks or more overdue!

i was reluctant to tell David (or even suggest) that he needed to spank me. Because i try hard to NOT tell him how or when to do his job. i know i have tendencies to Top From The Bottom. i have tried VERY hard to stop.

But it puts me in a quandary of not being able to get what i need without asking too. Of course, the key word in that last sentence is ASKING, as compared to TELLING. If i ASK, i shall receive. But it’s wrong to TELL or demand or command. Admittedly, i have not mastered the skill of “just” asking…. Yet. But i am working on it too!

When i don’t get spanked, i get antsy, cranky, and generally stressed out. i know that sounds dumb. But it’s so true. My anxiety goes way up as i am left to my own devices. When i am spanked, i am brought down a notch, reminded to be submissive, and the endorphins are released bringing about stress-relief.

My biggest wish is that David would see how good it is for me and be CONSISTENT to do it when it’s needed. Or on a routine schedule. Or both.

Well… usually… when he is consistent…. It’s done on Friday’s. We decided that ages ago. It sets the right tone for the weekend and gets things started “right.” But as mentioned, we haven’t done it in a long time. But today, we did.

As i was in the shower, i was debating, “do i ask to be spanked or not?!” And i thought, “i am just going to tell him how much i need it.” And then i thought, “that’s the wrong way to do this. Go ask him to do it.” And then i continued my mental battle by saying, “but if he says NO, it’s going to be a full-on meltdown for me.”

So, i had no clear path forward but got out of the shower anyway. Right about that moment, David came into the bathroom and greeted me. He leaned in and gave me a kiss too. Then he straightened up and said, “I need to do maintenance. Go Assume The Position.”

Ok. That settled that!

So i didn’t say a word and just did as told.

He used the riding crop. It started out smooth and tame and even easy. Then it became more intense with swift strikes to my ass.

As i started to feel the heat rise in my butt, i was squirming around a lot. David is always standing as i am on the bed, so he was in a prime position to use a single hand to press down on my lower back causing me to be pinned between the bed and him. i was no longer able to move.

He struck my bottom over and over.

i could tell it was doing it’s job and calming my thoughts. i was focused on nothing but holding still, enduring what i knew i craved and ultimately needed, and taking it with grace and submissive acceptance.

Eventually i was to my breaking point and was begging him to stop. Begging never works. i do have safe words. When i call “yellow” it is to signal to David that i need him to give me a break, or to slow down, or otherwise consider stopping. Ironically, i can’t seem to find the right words to ask to be spanked, but a single word is all i have to utter to give David a proper and kind request to slow down. But he still has all authority to continue or to stop, until i say the word “red.” So he retains control the whole time. Wish i had a single word to start in the same way i have a word to stop!

When i couldn’t take anymore, i uttered “yellow Sir!” And he decided to stop entirely. i suspect if this was a full-on punishment, he’d not have stopped at all. But i was grateful that today he did stop.

i was still in position when he spoke a question that we both knew was rhetorical. He asked, “are you wet?!” And his fingers found their mark. My body always betrays me by releasing my juices every time i am spanked. i don’t feel turned on or sexually aroused by the spanking, yet, my puss always tells another story. He knew he’d find a dripping wet pussy as he touched it.

He left his one hand on the small of my back as his other hand’s fingers primed my holes. i felt a finger enter my front and another invade my back hole simultaneously. And then he began to hold me in place as his fingers started to stroke my sex. It took just a minute or so before i begged my Sir if i could orgasm, and after he said yes, i let all my juices flow freely.

After i recovered and came to my senses fully, i thanked my Sir properly.

He could tell my mind was then “thinking” and he asked me to share my thoughts.

i asked if we were good now. He said, “I think we are.”

When i asked him why he has not spanked me for the previous weeks, where i was “all but daring” him to do so, he said, “because I wanted to see what you’d do.”

i said, “act poorly.”

He said, “I know. That’s why we had a maintenance where you called yellow. I was determined to go a long time today. And if this doesn’t work, we will repeat until you call red.”

i think we are good.

i knew we would be. i just wanted it to be awhile ago already.

(i’ll write about the new belt and what i think of it very soon.. as i am sitting locked in place now.)

Hope your Friday was as good as mine! 😉

Hugs,

Marie

229 – Caned on Christmas!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Spanking, Submission. 12 Comments on 229 – Caned on Christmas!

i think it’s been nearly a year ago that we bought a cane. When i say we, i really mean ME! i was fascinated by it and wanted to know what it felt like. i wanted to know if it was better, worse, or just different than the paddle.

i asked David if i could buy one and he agreed. If i remember correctly, his words were something like, “be careful what you wish for.” And i (naively) said, “challenge accepted!” and i was super excited and got a cane.

We used it a couple of times for pure fun. David discovered how silent it was. He threatened to use it on vacations or at other similar times where silence (or near silence) is necessary to spank me for discipline reasons. i say “he threatened,” because we have not taken it out of town with us, nor have i otherwise been disciplined with it…. ever… until today!

After feeling the cane the first time, i decided i liked it better than the paddle.

In terms of how it compares to the paddle, it is actually a bit of a similar feeling. i wouldn’t exactly call it pain, but rather a stinging feel. The biggest difference is the coverage of my ass. The cane is extremely localized as the cane itself is quite thin, compared to the paddle that pretty much covers my entire ass in one smack as it is just bigger.

To better describe the feel, the best analogy i can think of is that the paddle is like the stinging you feel when your foot falls asleep and then try to walk on it immediately after. When your foot falls asleep, it hurts to stand up on it as it feels like needles are stinging all over. Of course, when your foot wakes up, the stinging subsides and eventually stops. That’s where the analogy breaks down because with the paddle, the sting builds more and more rather than dissipating. Oh eventually it does dissipate, but that is (typically hours) later and only after the intensity had of course amped up, not immediately down.

To better describe the cane, it feels like a bee sting. It is localized and specific in the coverage, but the actual stinging feel is the same really.

That was at least how i thought of the cane….until today. Today, changed my opinion of it. As i realized that a for-fun caning and a for-discipline caning are NOT the same!

But i suppose that ultimately, until today, i did not respect the cane the way i should have. Now i do!

i now think i ultimately decided before that i liked the cane better because it takes longer to feel the sting all over because of the localized feel. It takes longer to feel the sting on the entire land space of my ass. (i don’t have a big ass, but when i describe the paddle and cane here, it sounds like my rear is ginormous!). But little stings can be super intense and super stingy (is that a word?) even without the coverage. And today, i felt the true cane’s impact.

SO WHAT HAPPENED ANYWAY?

Ok, alright…. i will tell you….

Today did not start out as the Merry Christmas it should have been! But the holiday is ending super well, so all’s well that ends well.

SO WHAT HAPPENED ALREADY?

Well… so… this morning David’s parents called his phone to wish us a Merry Christmas and thank us for the gifts we sent. He put the phone on speaker and started talking to my in-laws, whom i love and adore.

Well…. As they must’ve also been on their speaker phone, both of them started talking while David was too. They were having a lovely conversation wishing Merry Christmas’, thanking for the gifts we sent, and describing what else they also received. And i really had no opportunity to speak but i knew i should too.

When they asked about what i received (new clothes), David pushed me from behind onto my shoulder. If i had been standing, it would’ve been like he was pressing me forward but of course i was seated. Instead of me speaking and answering though, before i even knew it, they were saying other stuff and then soon after hanging up, where I said absolutely nothing. i never even wished them a Merry Christmas or said goodbye.

i didn’t intend to NOT speak at ALL to them, but i guess I didn’t really try too hard to speak either.

David IMMEDIATELY came around in front of me and was angry. He said, “THAT was incredibly rude! Go to the bedroom. N-O-W!”

i stuttered. i tried to start into an explanation about why i didn’t speak. But the same as my words to his parents never materialized, neither did my words to him! Not that he even cared then because of course, the time to speak had passed.

Instead of me speaking or him listening, he spoke. He said, “I don’t care W-H-Y you didn’t speak. You didn’t try hard enough. Not a single word came out. GO! NOW!”

He was angry! As you might think he would be!

He followed me to the bedroom. As i got undressed and into position (on the bed with a pillow under my hips raising my rear higher in the air, and my head-shoulders-arms on the bed), he went to get what i thought at the time was the paddle but i soon found out it was the cane.

Our son was in the house and this was the first time ever that he intended to spank me when our son would hear. The paddle is rather noisy, but then so am i too! But sound wouldn’t be a problem with the cane. There would be none, unless it was from my lips, which i refused to do and we both knew it.

You might would think i would be afraid…. i mean, David was angry! But i wasn’t afraid. i never am.

i KNOW David is a good man and will NEVER hurt me more than i deserve. He will never abuse his power of authority, but rather enforce it to the extent needed. And he is ALWAYS in control of himself. i have only ever, in 25-years of being with him, seen him out of control twice. And even then, he regained his composure about as quickly as he lost it.

As immediately as i was in position, i felt the thwack of the cane. i didn’t hear the swish sound in the air. Probably because i wasn’t listening or anticipating it. But i sure as hell felt it!

He swung the cane with ease, but in full control and with intention to cause pain and regret. It collided easily with my ass and i immediately knew David’s plan. i had never had a discipline spanking from the cane, but i was about to now!

He swung the cane the second time and it swished in the air. i heard it this time and one second later i felt it too.

Many times in a row, he moved it up and down my ass and the more i felt it hit my rear, the more pain i felt.

At first he didn’t speak, which made me even more unsettled and upset. That was when i started talking to explain why I didn’t speak, he then started to talk to me about how rude i had been. And that i shouldn’t have been. And that i knew better.

And He was right.

Thwack! Thwack!

i began to squirm unmercifully. My head/shoulders came up off the bed. He said, “Get back in position!” in a voice that was uncannily calm, which unsettled me further.

i did as i was told.

Swish, Thwack! Squish, Thwack!

i heard myself saying, “i can’t take anymore” in no time at all.

He said, “you know what you have to say for this to stop!”

“I’M SORRY SIR.”

Swish….

Thwack, Thwack, Thwack!

“i know i should have spoken. i just didn’t. They were talking. You were talking. And i didn’t try hard enough. i am so sorry Sir.”

“Will this ever happen again?”

Thwack!!!

“NO SIR!”

Thwack!

“Are you sure?”

“YES SIR!”

Thwack! Thwack!

“Done. I believe you are remorseful. You are now done.“

He pulled me upright and he kissed me. He told me he loved me. And then said, “now let’s go get ready for Christmas lunch. Merry Christmas!”

And almost like it was on cue, my sister and her family walked into our house (the front door, not my bedroom door), our son came down the stairs, David went back to finishing our meal, and the merriment truly began.

i struggled to act completely “normal” as i greeted her family, but thankfully the holiday activities quickly provided a natural diversion. We started to open presents, and talk, all while my ass was stinging so badly and i just wanted the heat to dissipate!

i opened my presents standing up. i was able to make it look natural as my presents were on the coffee table too.

Only one other reference was made to the situation or the spanking the rest of the day when David quietly asked me one time when it was just he and i, “how are you feeling?”

i knew he was meaning to ask about my ass. I said, “sore. But it’s ok. It was needed.”

And he said, “and you accepted it like a good girl.”

i NEVER want to feel the cane again as a discipline. And i’m pretty certain David knows that now too, which makes me sure the cane will be his go-to punishment spanking implement now.

i had COMPLETELY underestimated the power of the cane! Never again!

My rear end has been sore all day, as a constant reminder of my submission. And while i don’t want to repeat that event ever, i am happy.

My day, my family, and my gifts were all wonderful. Including the gift of my husband teaching me a lesson i needed to learn. And of course, the gift of Jesus being the best of all!

Merry Christmas!

Hugs,

Marie