Skip to main content

169 – Cheers to 20 years… And counting!

20- years ago today, i married my best friend David.

If you’ve read through other posts on my blog, you already know that all 20 haven’t been perfect. But we are together. Thriving and doing life together.

Here’s a few things about us that i haven’t shared before (i don’t think)…..

– He is 8-years older than me. So when he was graduating College, i was still just in Jr High. At young ages, the age gap matters but at older (adult) ages, age is just a number.

– Met at work …. yes, we have the same professional careers. i have never told you what we do, but you could likely figure it out from context clues throughout if you wanted to. (And if you think you know, email me and i will tell you if you are right…. i will be honest if you guess correctly).

– Dated for 5-years when i gave him an ultimatum. When i did so, i said, “if you don’t know now, you’ll never know.” And this was said after we spent our 5-year-dating-anniversary in Hawaii, on a beach, with a glorious backdrop, where i just knew he was going to propose…. and yet, he did not. He was quite shocked when i called him out that day by saying, “Decide NOW or we are done!” Clearly he chose correctly…. lol.

– We have one child (a son) who is 16 1/2 now. It took 2-years and lots of doctors, drugs, and prayers to get pregnant at all. If he had been a girl, we were going to name him Grace….. by the Grace of God we were granted the gift of a child. i never took birth control after we were married, or after our son’s birth, and yet he is the only child God did deliver to us. i am grateful and blessed for what i have!

– Lived in 3-houses over 20-years. We have lived in our current home for most recent 8-years and i expect we will be here for another 8 (or more!). We may sell after that, since our son should be more than on his own at that point and we could probably downsize then. But after that many years here, we may just stay “forever” too.

– Have traveled to many continents where we have blessed to see with our own eyes many parts of God’s glorious world, including (in no real particular order here): China, England, France, Netherlands, and Italy. David has also been places without me (for work), that i was sad to not be able to also go with, including Brazil, Singapore, and Taiwan. It’s hard to say what i think has been my favorite as they are all so vastly different but i have fond memories in each of those all the same! i did especially love seeing the Great Wall of China, the beaches of Normandy, Louvre museum in Paris, Red light district in Amsterdam and seeing the coliseum in Rome.

– We have also traveled within the US to almost every state. We have been to 46 states and have only 4 to go. The ones we have not been to are: Montana, Alaska, Idaho, North Dakota. And we have been making plans to go to both Montana and Alaska, so they likely will be off the list in another 1-3’ish years (pending covid restrictions for travel). Some of my favorite US places include California’s beaches, Oregon’s Original Starbucks, South Carolina’s golf courses, Florida’s Disney World, South Dakota’s Mount Rushmore, New York’s Broadway shows, Philadelphia’s Liberty Bell and historical sites, Virginia (and DC)’s historical sites, including the realization that “The Smithsonian” museum is actually plural as in “MuseumS”, Louisiana’s LSU university that my husband is a die-hard graduate and fan of, plus all of Nebraska, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas for our family members who live there now.

– My most favorite state is my own Lone Star State of Texas, where i was born, raised, and still live. We currently live about 8-miles from where i grew up and i love it here. There’s no place like home! i say i will never leave, but depending on where our son —- and my future grand babies live —- i may well leave this great state.

– And…. we practice Domestic Discipline. We have only fully implemented it for the most recent 2 1/2 years, or just 10% of our married life, but it started in smaller ways about 5-years before that. i suppose like our dating life, it took awhile for us to fully embrace this way of life and we played-around with the ideas and ways of it for several years before. While i didn’t truly give David an ultimatum about DD, i did kinda do just that. When i officially decided, about 2 1/2 years ago that i just had-to-have this, i told him and we have been on this path ever since. i can’t wait til our 50th anniversary where i can say we have officially done this for “more than half” our married life.

While i say i wish we had started it sooner (and that’s so very true!), i’m not so sure we could’ve or would’ve appreciated it as much then as what we do now. i wonder if sometimes you have to go through some bad/hard times to truly appreciate the good times.

When you are in the heart of a valley, the only way to see anything is to look up. And in fact, you can’t see much else. To find a way out of the valley and to get to the top of the highest peak, is the goal at that point.

Our marriage hasn’t been without some true deep valley moments, i rather like to say we are currently in a mountain moment. When on the mountain, you can look back down the valley and see with clear eyes where you’ve been, but don’t currently stand. And yet, often times, when i look back at the valley i see it with fond memories of how far we have come. i don’t see all the pain, hurt, and achy-ness i felt when we were actually down in the valley. Or maybe i do see it, but i no longer am surrounded by it. i can appreciate it for what it was and the things we learned when we were standing smack dab in the middle of it.

And i know i never want to go back there if i can help it. (Although i am sure more valley-moments do indeed lie ahead again at some point in our future too!)

So yes, Domestic Discipline has saved my marriage from the depths of the valley. And we will always have this with us as we walk into even more of our older years together. i firmly believe THIS is how we are firmly to live, love, and breath, all the remaining days of our lives together in this world.

i love the Mountain Top view we currently share, and i pray the valley moments coming in the future will be endurable and few and far between.

Happy 20th anniversary to my loving Sir (and myself).

Oh and as to our gifts to one another….. i asked him probably 5’ish years ago if we could get a pool. He now said yes! Sooooo we will be installing a pool and hit tub over the coming months and will have lots of hot, humid, Texas-weather coming up soon to enjoy while skinny dipping in the pool! (That should provide some exciting blogable topics! 😉)

Hugs – and love and kisses to my husband of 20-years –

Marie

168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Yesterday was …. my one day to Dominate my Dominant Sir.

On Dec 31, he surprised me and told me i would get one day per year to dominate him, and it was to be Jan 1, yesterday.

While the day went well, it definitely did not go as i had envisioned or would’ve necessarily imagined.

i spent much of Dec 31 thinking on what i’d do as his Dominant, and what i’d have him do as my sub. And many of you gave me many suggestions too (thank you!).

A couple of you even warned me about how it may not go well, and you seemed leery of the idea altogether; thinking that the natural order of things, the balance, shouldn’t be disturbed. You basically told me that upsetting the apple cart on purpose was not a good idea.

All in all though, with my own thoughts and all of yours too (including the warnings), i prepared my mind and i thought i was ready.

Yesterday morning comes and we wake up. Almost without fail, i am out of bed before David by at least/about 15-minutes, and on a normal day he would find me on the couch drinking coffee and on my iPad surfing. Jan 1 was no different. Same start.

What was different though was that i normally greet him, “Good morning Sir,” whereas yesterday i said nothing. i waited for his greeting.

He said, “Good morning.” And i repeated just those two words, leaving out “Sir” on purpose.

He noticed i didn’t say “Sir” and he told me as much. i said, “i noticed you didn’t say ma’am either.” And the line was drawn. Both of us smiled at one another, daring the other to use the title…. neither of us budged. i wondered if he did that on purpose to remind me that i am a sub at heart, but dismissed that notion for the minute.

i had intended to tell him, “you will cook me breakfast and i will be having….” but before i could get that out he said, “I’ll cook you breakfast when you are ready. Please tell me what you’d like.”

Wow. Ok. So he’s going to submit to me without me telling him how to do it, but won’t call me Ma’am. Ok, so i can work with this. (i wasn’t really sure i wanted to be called ma’am anyway, so all good really). He cooked breakfast and we ate.

When i was done showering, he came into our room to dress himself. After drying off and while i was still naked, i laid on my back and spread my legs. i said, “you need to make me orgasm now.”

He then said, “it’s Friday and we probably need to do maintenance first.”

i said, “Dominants don’t get spanked. They do the spanking. So no maintenance today, unless it is on your ass.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “uh huh.” But nothing more.

So i did not do maintenance yesterday and i wonder if it will happen today now instead. If i were to guess, i think it will! And if he doesn’t suggest it, i just may. In order to ensure that we have put the apple cart back upright and all apples are safely inside, just as they should be.

And with that, between my legs he went! i didn’t ask to orgasm, i just did. Because i was the dominant and i didn’t need to ask.

When he realized it, he asked me, “did you orgasm?” And after i said yes, he said, “ok. Good.” On any other day, he would’ve said, “without permission???” And it would likely have ended the session and/or had me turned over for a spanking,

And he kept going. While not spoken in any tone other than kind humility, he said, “you should cum more.” He didn’t use a demanding or commanding tone at all.

After two more orgasms, he then announced he was done and had other things to do. It occurred to me that i should perhaps tell him, “NO, i didn’t say you were done yet so NO, you are not done until i say you are.” But i didn’t. i just said ok. i mean, i was happy and relaxed and wanted to just enjoy those feelings anyway.

As well, i found myself debating about the line of Dominant to a sub or Dominant to a slave. He never agreed to be my slave. And i had just orgasmed 3 X’s too. And he was already being very submissive overall anyway. And the day was still quite young. In other words, i second guessed myself.

This got me to thinking about how often does a Dom second guess themselves? It’s easy to be the confident, bold, commanding Dom in the movies and/or books, but probably not so easy in real life. At least not easy all the time for sure. Maybe some times and in certain situations, but ALL the time??

With that, David went to get his shoes and socks and when i asked him where he was going, he said to the store. i had commented about 2 days prior that some of our lightbulbs around the house were burned out. And i had politely and with proper submissiveness asked if he could get those changed out soon. He was going to buy more bulbs “in order to please” me.

When he returned, he did just that. He pleased me by getting the bulbs all switched out, without me having to remind, nag, ask twice, comment or say a word at all. While it made me happy, it kinda stole my thunder. i wasn’t able to be this imposing Dom telling him what he needed to do and on and on.

Which made me think about how a good sub should do these things and it does make the Dom happy without the Dim having to be imposing or forceful or exerting their power. But how often as a sub had i accused (even in my mind) David of not giving me directives? i have often thought about how he doesn’t tell me enough about what to do or how to make him happy, so i have accused him of not being “Dom-enough.” When in reality, i am likely doing the things that make him happy without him having to tell me, which is even better because a good sub should be in tune with her Dom without having to (always) be told. Most subs do things for their Dom without being told, because they know it pleases them. They don’t need this “all powerful” Dom barking orders at them in order for them to be a good sub.

The day went on like this where many of my honey-do’s were just “done”. And for dinner, he made my favorite meal, pork chops with rice and gravy. (Plus he made cabbage and black eyed peas…. which is a Southern tradition to eat these on New Years to bring about good fortune for the coming year. The more you eat, the more good fortune becomes you. Here’s a great article i found on it: Black Eyed Peas Bring Good Fortune.)

So i had a day that felt like my birthday….. i got many honey do’s done, i got my favorite meal cooked, and orgasmed many times over.

All in all, i think David was probably a better sub than i expected him to be, and i was not as good a Dom as he was a sub. Which also got me to thinking about when a sub is good, does it cause their Dom to think they might not “be enough”? Or as good? i realized the psyche of a Dom may be more fragile than i ever imagined. Or maybe it was just my psyche as a Dom, because it became more and more obvious as the day went on that i am NOT his Dom. Either way, i should praise his Dom-efforts and thank him for taking on a leadership role more often. It’s not always as easy as it seems and praise for good work and responsibilities assumed should be commended.

i will say i didn’t get to spank him, which is one thing i really wanted to do. i only wanted to in order to be able to brag and to say i did. To be able to say, “This is what it feels like.” But he wasn’t ever “bad” to deserve it. Near the end of the day, i told him i wanted to spank him “just because.” In a calm and flat tone, he said, “just remember, tomorrow I am back in charge. So I will submit to it because I said I would, but you may well regret that tomorrow.” So no, i didn’t spank him.

And that got me to thinking one last thought about my Dom, he never just does stuff to me (like spank) just because he can. He never needs to make me feel less so he can be more, which is essentially what i wanted to do and why i wanted to spank him.

In the end, i learned a lot about him and myself. i ultimately learned that he is my Dom and i know it.

While i’m quite sure i could top someone else, i know it’s not him who i can dominate. That’s ok, i learned SO much about the dynamic that i never really thought about before. i learned about things from his (possible) perspective as my Dom and i learned more about myself as his submissive in the process too.

It was an interesting experiment, but i doubt i’ll ever do that again. Unless he told me to, which is to say he would have to Dominate me to tell his Submissive to switch to be his Dominant. And i haven’t a clue why he would ever want to do that, because we don’t need to turn over the apple cart. Ever.

i happen to like the apple cart exactly where and how it is, and let’s just enjoy the apples exactly how they are, without worms, too!

So today, when he wakes up, i will greet him with a “Good morning SIR” and all will be upright and good in my world once more.

Welcome to 2021 where some things changed but most did not!

Hugs,

Marie

167 – HELP ME! Now…

Second post in the same day is quite unique. But i need your help.

David completely shocked me today. As i was in my bathroom dressing for the day he came in and said…..

“I’m making you an offer.”

(i was thinking, “oh no, is this something i am going to want?!”)

He continued, “I am going to give you exactly one day every year where our roles will be reversed. I will submit to your every desire. That one day is today.”

i was shocked! i said, “Wait! What? Today? Can it be tomorrow to give me some time to think on this and figure out what that would even look like? I want to make the most of my 24-hours!!”

He laughed and conceded.

SO TOMORROW MY SIR WILL SUBMIT TO ME.

What to do?

What would you do?

What do you recommend?

Give me your suggestions….. fast!

Help …….

Hugs,

Marie

162 – submissive or slave?

i have always thought of myself as a submissive, but at times i’d say i exhibit signs of being more like a slave.

What’s the difference?

Well, everyone probably has their own definitions really of what a submissive is versus what a slave is. But i would say it has everything to do with the amount of control the sub/slave has. A sub has some, whereas a slave has none (or very few!).

No matter what titles we associate ourselves with, we all have the right and control to say NO. And we all should respect that when we hear NO from our partner(s) it is final! So i am not talking about consent at all. Because a slave has willingly consented to giving up the control to make all decisions on her own and yielded everything (or mostly everything) to the Master. But while a submissive has given up most control, definitely not all.

Now, i want to also clarify, i am not talking about real-life-slaves. i am not talking about like it was in the US 1800’s and Civil War times. i am talking about the kinky submissive (or slave) lifestyle. Where the slave has willingly given up control. Not that it has been taken from them, like it was for the real-life slaves that was done then.

In that same sense, some might say a submissive is indeed owned, but a (sex) slave is instead not just owned but possessed.

A submissive has safe words, while quite frequently a slave has consented to no-consent, giving up those safe words.

A submissive has the right to sit where he/she wishes, whereas a slave is typically on the floor by her Master’s side.

A slave must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a slave.

THAT is how i define the difference between a submissive and a slave.

With those clarities in mind……. i have always thought of myself as submissive. But lately, i wonder if i have “slave-like-tendencies” too, especially when it comes to sex.

i have come to the thought that maybe i am a “submissive wife and a sex slave.” Or at least, i want to be. i want to be a submissive wife AND a slave lover to my Sir. So in general life, i am a submissive. But when it comes to sex (or anything intimate at all), i would love to call myself his slave. i say this is how i’d like it to really be, but it’s a hard balance.

When it comes to daily life, i don’t believe it is possible or even practical to be a slave. To be frank, i don’t know how that actually works for most people. Maybe the slave is a stay at home wife and can be naked, chained up, stuffed with a cock, crawling on the floor, and eating out of dog/cat bowls. But none of that is practical with a job or kids. And maybe not all of that would apply to every slave either too, but the point is made too.

So for me and my life, with a job and a kid, it seems being submissive is the best way to LIVE. i defer to David on decisions effecting me and/or our family, i ask him permission to do and/or go places, and i (try!) not to argue. And should those things fail to happen properly, i am punished, which typically comes in the form of a spanking but not necessarily just spankings.

But now the second part….. when it comes to sexual activities or alone-time, i would like to give up all control. i would love to serve him in the ways he deserves and possibly prefers. i think he tends to feel valued and appreciated more when i am pleasing him, in life AND in sex, which leads to positive synergies for both of us…. in bed AND out!

And maybe that’s where we kinda operate (best) already anyway. We already do some of these things as it is.

Like when he says get naked, i do. When he says to edge, i do. When he says do not orgasm until he says i can, i don’t.

When he says i am to be spanked, i have only once called yellow and it was intentional on Sir’s part. He wanted to test me. But even then, i wasn’t aware of his intentions and i was trying very hard not to say it.

So i guess i don’t know where the lineeeeeeee is between sub or slave. At what point do you say, “i am a sex slave to my spouse!!” ?? Or are all these just other examples of being a good submissive and not a slave at all??

Today is another example of a sexual slave-like thing that i did to please my Sir. Today…. i am at work. And i have an inflatable dildo sex toy inside me.

Sir said, “you need to bring it to me before going to work.”

So i did.

He said, “spread your legs.”

So i did.

He pushed it up inside me. Gently. Not painfully.

He said, “you’ll wear this all day today. Every hour you need to give it two strong, good pumps. I want it very pumped up by the time you get home. You should feel the stretch. The point of this will be to stretch your pussy, but i expect you’ll likely have some pain as it trains your muscles to relax.

You should NOT take it out or release the air at ALL today, without permission, with the exception of bathroom breaks. Even then though, do NOT release the air. It needs to go back in the exact same way it came out.

This will make me happy. Will you willingly comply?”

i said, “yes of course Sir. Thank you Sir.”

And i was dripping wet! Knowing he is happy makes me soooo happy and soooo wet too!

Why is he stretching my pussy? Well, he has always said my puss is way too tight. When i orgasm, and he is inside me, i tend to squeeze tight and ultimately push him out. It isn’t at all intentional!

So he says we need to stretch it out to not have that happen and to allow his “cock to have a warm, inviting place to stay….” and i agree wholeheartedly! Even if it will hurt and be sore by the end of the day, it is well with my soul!

My puss belongs to him all the time, but especially today!

Does my willingness to stretch it out and feel some pain, with a smile on my face and knowing how happy we both are with this, move my sex-temperature from being just a submissive to being a sex slave? i just don’t know……

But i think i have no/few limits as to our sex-life, and rarely use my safe words. In fact, i try very hard to NOT use them and instead, to accept his will as my own. i trust he will know my limits and/or ask if he is unsure, to which i will always answer truthfully.

While he has never ordered me naked and on the floor by his side, if he did, i would do it. Willingly. Happily. And without a single complaint. Most days anyway, and of course, not when our son is around or when i need to go to work. So there are limits within the no-limits-for-sex zone, which probably puts me back to my first thought that i am just a submissive because sex-slave isn’t really practical.

So again, do these sexual tendencies make me a slave for sex? or maybe a part-time slave and a full-time submissive or maybe just a submissive who likes a strong Dominant in the bedroom or ……

Yes, i am indeed getting caught up in terms and labels. But i am just speculating and thinking out loud about these things too.

i will likely explore this topic further in future posts too. What do you think? Where is “the” line? Is it possible to be a submissive for wife duties and a slave for sex activities?

Or maybe i’ll tell you more about my day with the dildo. Which would you prefer to hear more about? 😉

Hugs,

Marie

160 – of course!

There was Friday Maintenance! And i won’t deny… i liked it. i was grateful. Appreciative.

i think that’s part of why and how we went awry in November… we were too busy and too uninterested in doing it. And the further “off beat” one becomes, the longer it takes to find your way back.

Thankfully we didn’t go tooooo far away from the norm. Our normal. Our Domestic Discipline norm.

i hate to admit it, but on two separate occasions, when David was quite angry with me, he yelled, “did it occur to you, that you are NOT as submissive as you think?” And “maybe you just aren’t being submissive at all!”

To which i responded in kind with angry words of my own, saying, “well if you don’t think i am submissive (enough), you have a means of dealing with that!”

And yet, for whatever reason, he didn’t. He didn’t bend me over and just spank me. i don’t quite know why. i was really a bit angry about that too actually.

So while i’d like to say it’s “all his fault”. He could’ve avoided a lot of difficulty if he’d just turned my backside red! But we all know, a relationship is not one-sided. It takes two! i should’ve asked to be spanked. i shouldn’t have just thrown it up as a great challenge. So it wasn’t his fault … not entirely anyway.

And yet, i didn’t. i didn’t just go get naked and Assume The Position to be spanked. i should have. And yes, he should have too. He should have just spanked me.

Thankfully we seem to have turned a corner and now are resuming our normal. And i couldn’t be happier.

On Friday. Even when we already did Maintenance this week, it was a time to do maintenance again. Because that’s what we do on Friday mornings. While i didn’t want to be spanked, not really,, i did want to be on track and be back into our normal.

So because i wasn’t sure if we would be doing it though, i asked. As i was about to shower and get ready for the day, i spoke to David, “Sir, i am curious if you intend to do maintenance since we did it already this week on Wednesday.”

And he said, “Yes, most definitely we will do maintenance today. i am starting to cook breakfast so it will be a few minutes, but you need to be ready and in position when i am done.”

And i was. i was ready. Naked. In position.

He swatted my butt in the exact same spot for many minutes! It stung so badly. But i managed to stay still and in position for the second time ever. i was SO proud of myself.

At that point is when he asked me, “is that enough?” And i paused…..

i didn’t quite know how to answer.

i wasn’t at any limits or nearing the “yellow” mark, but then, that’s not the point of maintenance either.

And yet, did i think he should stop as the lesson and reinforcement was in full effect?!

i didn’t know. And i guess i paused entirely too long.

Because that’s when he said, “I’ll take your non-response as a ‘no, that is not enough…’ and i will continue.”

And he did. With more intensity. It stung so super badly and i was wishing i had said to stop.

That’s when he asked me again, “is this now enough?”

And i said, “Yes Sir.”

And he said, “I agree.”

And i stood up and he kissed me deeply and told me he loved me.

No orgasm. No touching. Just maintenance. And a red hot ass.

After getting dressed and ready to leave, he grabbed my ass and said, “it feels warm to the touch still. I did good.”

And i said, “Yes Sir.”

He said, “that’s a good thing!” And yes, it was.

And the day was off to it’s start.

The thing about maintenance is that it works. i am super submissive for several days after it. And quite frequently, as we near Friday again, the intensity and commitment to submission starts to wane. i tend to forget to say Sir, or ask permission for things that i know i am supposed to, or to show the same respect.

So maybe two maintenance sessions in one week will prove to be a good thing! Time will tell.

And i wonder if two in one week will become a new normal. i kinda doubt it. But time will tell on that too.

Hugs,

Marie