168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

Yesterday was …. my one day to Dominate my Dominant Sir.

On Dec 31, he surprised me and told me i would get one day per year to dominate him, and it was to be Jan 1, yesterday.

While the day went well, it definitely did not go as i had envisioned or would’ve necessarily imagined.

i spent much of Dec 31 thinking on what i’d do as his Dominant, and what i’d have him do as my sub. And many of you gave me many suggestions too (thank you!).

A couple of you even warned me about how it may not go well, and you seemed leery of the idea altogether; thinking that the natural order of things, the balance, shouldn’t be disturbed. You basically told me that upsetting the apple cart on purpose was not a good idea.

All in all though, with my own thoughts and all of yours too (including the warnings), i prepared my mind and i thought i was ready.

Yesterday morning comes and we wake up. Almost without fail, i am out of bed before David by at least/about 15-minutes, and on a normal day he would find me on the couch drinking coffee and on my iPad surfing. Jan 1 was no different. Same start.

What was different though was that i normally greet him, “Good morning Sir,” whereas yesterday i said nothing. i waited for his greeting.

He said, “Good morning.” And i repeated just those two words, leaving out “Sir” on purpose.

He noticed i didn’t say “Sir” and he told me as much. i said, “i noticed you didn’t say ma’am either.” And the line was drawn. Both of us smiled at one another, daring the other to use the title…. neither of us budged. i wondered if he did that on purpose to remind me that i am a sub at heart, but dismissed that notion for the minute.

i had intended to tell him, “you will cook me breakfast and i will be having….” but before i could get that out he said, “I’ll cook you breakfast when you are ready. Please tell me what you’d like.”

Wow. Ok. So he’s going to submit to me without me telling him how to do it, but won’t call me Ma’am. Ok, so i can work with this. (i wasn’t really sure i wanted to be called ma’am anyway, so all good really). He cooked breakfast and we ate.

When i was done showering, he came into our room to dress himself. After drying off and while i was still naked, i laid on my back and spread my legs. i said, “you need to make me orgasm now.”

He then said, “it’s Friday and we probably need to do maintenance first.”

i said, “Dominants don’t get spanked. They do the spanking. So no maintenance today, unless it is on your ass.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “uh huh.” But nothing more.

So i did not do maintenance yesterday and i wonder if it will happen today now instead. If i were to guess, i think it will! And if he doesn’t suggest it, i just may. In order to ensure that we have put the apple cart back upright and all apples are safely inside, just as they should be.

And with that, between my legs he went! i didn’t ask to orgasm, i just did. Because i was the dominant and i didn’t need to ask.

When he realized it, he asked me, “did you orgasm?” And after i said yes, he said, “ok. Good.” On any other day, he would’ve said, “without permission???” And it would likely have ended the session and/or had me turned over for a spanking,

And he kept going. While not spoken in any tone other than kind humility, he said, “you should cum more.” He didn’t use a demanding or commanding tone at all.

After two more orgasms, he then announced he was done and had other things to do. It occurred to me that i should perhaps tell him, “NO, i didn’t say you were done yet so NO, you are not done until i say you are.” But i didn’t. i just said ok. i mean, i was happy and relaxed and wanted to just enjoy those feelings anyway.

As well, i found myself debating about the line of Dominant to a sub or Dominant to a slave. He never agreed to be my slave. And i had just orgasmed 3 X’s too. And he was already being very submissive overall anyway. And the day was still quite young. In other words, i second guessed myself.

This got me to thinking about how often does a Dom second guess themselves? It’s easy to be the confident, bold, commanding Dom in the movies and/or books, but probably not so easy in real life. At least not easy all the time for sure. Maybe some times and in certain situations, but ALL the time??

With that, David went to get his shoes and socks and when i asked him where he was going, he said to the store. i had commented about 2 days prior that some of our lightbulbs around the house were burned out. And i had politely and with proper submissiveness asked if he could get those changed out soon. He was going to buy more bulbs “in order to please” me.

When he returned, he did just that. He pleased me by getting the bulbs all switched out, without me having to remind, nag, ask twice, comment or say a word at all. While it made me happy, it kinda stole my thunder. i wasn’t able to be this imposing Dom telling him what he needed to do and on and on.

Which made me think about how a good sub should do these things and it does make the Dom happy without the Dim having to be imposing or forceful or exerting their power. But how often as a sub had i accused (even in my mind) David of not giving me directives? i have often thought about how he doesn’t tell me enough about what to do or how to make him happy, so i have accused him of not being “Dom-enough.” When in reality, i am likely doing the things that make him happy without him having to tell me, which is even better because a good sub should be in tune with her Dom without having to (always) be told. Most subs do things for their Dom without being told, because they know it pleases them. They don’t need this “all powerful” Dom barking orders at them in order for them to be a good sub.

The day went on like this where many of my honey-do’s were just “done”. And for dinner, he made my favorite meal, pork chops with rice and gravy. (Plus he made cabbage and black eyed peas…. which is a Southern tradition to eat these on New Years to bring about good fortune for the coming year. The more you eat, the more good fortune becomes you. Here’s a great article i found on it: Black Eyed Peas Bring Good Fortune.)

So i had a day that felt like my birthday….. i got many honey do’s done, i got my favorite meal cooked, and orgasmed many times over.

All in all, i think David was probably a better sub than i expected him to be, and i was not as good a Dom as he was a sub. Which also got me to thinking about when a sub is good, does it cause their Dom to think they might not “be enough”? Or as good? i realized the psyche of a Dom may be more fragile than i ever imagined. Or maybe it was just my psyche as a Dom, because it became more and more obvious as the day went on that i am NOT his Dom. Either way, i should praise his Dom-efforts and thank him for taking on a leadership role more often. It’s not always as easy as it seems and praise for good work and responsibilities assumed should be commended.

i will say i didn’t get to spank him, which is one thing i really wanted to do. i only wanted to in order to be able to brag and to say i did. To be able to say, “This is what it feels like.” But he wasn’t ever “bad” to deserve it. Near the end of the day, i told him i wanted to spank him “just because.” In a calm and flat tone, he said, “just remember, tomorrow I am back in charge. So I will submit to it because I said I would, but you may well regret that tomorrow.” So no, i didn’t spank him.

And that got me to thinking one last thought about my Dom, he never just does stuff to me (like spank) just because he can. He never needs to make me feel less so he can be more, which is essentially what i wanted to do and why i wanted to spank him.

In the end, i learned a lot about him and myself. i ultimately learned that he is my Dom and i know it.

While i’m quite sure i could top someone else, i know it’s not him who i can dominate. That’s ok, i learned SO much about the dynamic that i never really thought about before. i learned about things from his (possible) perspective as my Dom and i learned more about myself as his submissive in the process too.

It was an interesting experiment, but i doubt i’ll ever do that again. Unless he told me to, which is to say he would have to Dominate me to tell his Submissive to switch to be his Dominant. And i haven’t a clue why he would ever want to do that, because we don’t need to turn over the apple cart. Ever.

i happen to like the apple cart exactly where and how it is, and let’s just enjoy the apples exactly how they are, without worms, too!

So today, when he wakes up, i will greet him with a “Good morning SIR” and all will be upright and good in my world once more.

Welcome to 2021 where some things changed but most did not!




  1. I am glad that your experiment went well and that you found it helpful to understanding and appreciating the role of the other. If the natural order is for him to Dominate you then I don’t think switching roles up for fun once in a while will upset the balance. Sounds like you had fun. Missy x

  2. I’m so glad you found insight. We have to do this from time to time. Because as an attorney sometimes I just can’t turn my domination off. The one thing I was worried about/questioning whether or not what you did could or would be used against you the next day. And give your air extra kisses today!

  3. I know exactly how you felt. On occasion my Queen has told me to dominate her. It’s usually only for a short while and works because I’m doing as she told me to do. I couldn’t do it long term. It isn’t me.

    • I couldn’t do it long term either. I thought it was interesting how much I learned about me/submissive when trying to be dominant. I didn’t anticipate that at all.

Leave a Reply