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261 – Forced Abstinence

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 261 – Forced Abstinence

3-days ago:

i think i am in a period of NO-ORGASMS-ALLOWED.

i say “i think,” because earlier tonight David said “no orgasms for 3-weeks,” but he said it while laughing AND he said it after doing a FORCED orgasm session. So maybe he’s just messing with me. i hope he is, but i suspect he’s not.

Let me back up and explain a bit more….

This morning i was feeling quite aroused after my shower. David was heading out to the dentist office so he had no extra time to touch, lick, fondle, or fuck me. So i asked if i could play with myself.

He said, “you can edge. But no orgasm!” And he kissed me goodbye and left.

i wasn’t sure how i felt about this because the answer was better than a no, but worse than a yes. Edging is bitter sweet. It’s a “play with yourself until you really, REALLY…. R-E-A-L-L-Y …. want to orgasm and STOP!,” kind of thing.

But now i kinda wanted to play and decided i could make the most of it. My first mistake was that i got out my favorite dildo. Should have known better really. In hindsight, i see this now but at the time, i thought i wanted to “make the most of the situation,” and thought this amazing dildo would feel amazing and that counted for something. So i used it.

And i told myself that having to stop short of orgasm would be ok.

But. It wasn’t.

i didn’t even play with myself but about 1-2 minutes, and i felt myself relax and enjoy the moment. It wasn’t even another minute and i felt the interior muscles of my pelvic floor do a sort of twitch. This was my second mistake. i recognized that as my first indication that i was “getting close,” but instead of stopping there, i kept going. i didn’t fully recognize “the edge” as being that close already though. And 20-seconds later, my pussy told me “too late!”

Ahh crap. Not good,

As i felt it coming, i pulled the dildo out of me and stopped. But it was too late. i went over the edge. And now i’d have to tell David.

So I texted him and he said, “hmm.” He uses that “word” a lot and i really don’t like it much! It says a lot, and nothing at all, all at the same time!

Well, nothing else was said about it all day long. i actually forgot about it really. Until…. We were finishing up watching a tv show and David said, “time for you to get spanked. Go prepare yourself.”

i didn’t move too quickly and he commented on that, to which i said, “i couldn’t tell how serious you are being.”

“Do I sound like I’m serious?”

“Well, i guess. But i am unsure why Sir.”

“My how quickly you forget! You orgasmed without permission. Remember?”

“Oh. Yah. That.” Forgetting was my next mistake.

“Yah. Now you remember!”

And he proceeded to spank me. He’s been itching to try out the fly swatter. He thought about using it at some point over the weekend and i kinda wonder if he was looking for an opportunity to try it out. So he did.

Won’t lie, NOT an effective implement. Maybe for fun. Or maybe if a Dom has a LOT of time on their hands to spank repeatedly for a good long time, as the build up would start to be pretty powerful but otherwise just not effective.

David recognized that and got out other implements… the crop, the leather strap, and the paddle, where he spanked me some with each. Of course, after having my butt warmed by the fly swatter, these things all stung that much more than otherwise! But i didn’t cry. It wasn’t that bad of a spanking in total and for that i was grateful.

With that we prepared for bed. And i thought all was done and good. And that was another mistake on my part. i should not have assumed!

David reached over to me and i spread my legs. He was pleased to see me naked and available to him. He proceeded to finger my clit and make me beg to orgasm. After he said yes, i enjoyed the orgasm that flooded over me. i thought we’d be done, which was again, another mistake of having another assumption.

i wanted him to stop fingering me, and let me just bask in the orgasm. But he did not. i received NO reprieve from the assault his fingers were putting on my pussy. Instead, he forced another orgasm to bubble up in a matter of just a few short minutes, to which i begged for the release but this time he said, “no, not yet!”

i cringed as i knew i wouldn’t hold the orgasm in long, and begged again. He said no, but it didn’t matter. The orgasm released of its own accord. Of course, he noticed it. Without his fingers missing a beat as they continued to fondle my clit and opening still, he said with incredulous surprise, “did you just orgasm without permission??”

i had to respond, “Yes Sir.”

i barely recovered from the second one when i felt another coming up. And it came out too! (Pun intended).

In total, i had 5-orgasms tonight! The bad thing is, only 2 were with approval.

When he finished he said, “I think that will now be 3-weeks without orgasms at all. One week for each one you took without my permission. Besides the more you get, the more you want. And the more disrespectful you get by just taking it without permission. All you had to do was ask!”

He was right. But at that exact moment, i was enjoying the subspace i found my head floating in from having 5-orgasms. So i didn’t say much of anything at all.

After i came back down a little, i asked how serious he was and he said, “well, if you’d shown a bit of remorse, I might not have held to it, but now… now I have to.”

He laughed as he spoke again to say, “going to be a lot of locked up time for you in the coming month!”

i cringed but said little.

After another 5’ish minutes, he asked me what i thought of the next 3-orgasm-free weeks to which i replied, “i can only hope you allow it to be less.”

He didn’t comment back at all. i think i will be in chastity a LOT in the next 3-weeks!

^^ all of that happened and i wrote about it 3-days ago. i just didn’t get this message posted.

i have learned he is VERY serious about three weeks. Yesterday i was busy at work and didn’t get home til later in the evening, and … well.. didn’t have time to sit and contemplate it.

But today was a a different story. Today, even at the office, i had a desire to stick my hand in my pants and rub my clit til i orgasmed. But, i didn’t. i was a good girl.

When i got home, i got naked. David is really starting to enjoy me naked .

And i got into the hot tub after heating it just a tad. And the jets hit my mound.m getting me hot and bothered.

When we came in the house, I asked if David wanted to touch me. He said, “why, so you can be more frustrated?”

He continued, “you aren’t going to orgasm for three weeks. Get used to it!”

i tried to plead my case by saying he didn’t have to keep that timeline and i could make him happy of he’d change that. Ok, maybe i was bargaining!

He wasn’t buying it though. He said, “what have you done that warrants an orgasm?”

i couldn’t think of anything really. Ugh! To which he said he would’ve gone easier on me if their was a reason. But there’s not. And we both know it. i wasn’t even too sure he would’ve gone easier even “if” there was a reason! Whatever. It is what it is too.

Then as we were lying in bed chatting and reading, me naked (per usual now) and he in his sleep shorts, he reached over and tweaked my nipples. i tested the waters once more by pulling the covers back and spreading my legs, but saying nothing.

He said, “I didn’t need that. And neither do you. You have to learn you can’t and won’t orgasm without permission. You didn’t even ask but just took what you wanted. So now I’m not granting permission for 3, or maybe 4, more weeks.”

“No. It’s not 3 MORE. You said 3 weeks already 3-days ago,” is what i blurted out.

“Are you questioning me?” And without the word SIR too!?”

Knowing i had, but where that wasn’t my intention at all, i said, “i guess so. But i just don’t want to go any longer than what you previously said. Sir.”

He calmly said, “I can change my mind anytime I want. You know that. And I’m undecided at the moment. Don’t bother counting down the days because it won’t matter.”

“Yes Sir.”

Now i was utterly and completely frustrated, rejected, and annoyed. And turned on. And wanting (needing!) him to take me, mark me, claim me as his own.

Then he said, “I think you should go put the chastity belt on. You need to wear it tonight to help you with this frustration that I suspect you are feeling now.”

Yah, i am frustrated and i am needing the belt, or i may just touch myself to relieve the pressure that’s been building as soon as i am sure he’s asleep!

But i don’t want to wear it. i want to cum. Not be forced into abstinence!

i guess he IS claiming me and marking me …. Just not in the way I want him to!

i went and put the belt on. When i asked if he wanted the key, he said, “of course. And why do your voice sound dejected?”

As i handed him the key i said, “Because i am Sir, but i will get over it.”

“Good deal,” is what i heard in response. Followed by a “good night my love, sleep well.”

While i said i would get over it, i didn’t want to. What i wanted to do was talk about this with him more.

What’s more is that i KNEW he KNEW i wasn’t done talking about it too. But that didn’t have to be said aloud because it was irrelevant and he was done. Not to mention, he probably knew i would just try to (ultimately) wear him down to where i (maybe) would get what i wanted: the belt off and to be able to orgasm!

But i also knew there wasn’t anymore to TALK about, and by saying anything more out loud would just get him irritated and/or angry as he had clearly decided the conversation was over. And angering him would lead to a fight… or more aptly it would lead to a spanking.

While he’s never spanked me with the chastity belt on, i don’t need to test him to see if he would either! i don’t expect that a spanking with the belt on would feel pleasant at all!

So.

Here i am.

In the belt.

Typing furiously with my fingers via my iPad, in the dark, in my bed, to get all my anger and frustration and annoyance and brattiness …. and … well…. whatever other negativity i am feeling and can’t even come up with the right words to describe all right here out on paper.

^^^^ and THAT was last night…….

Now it is morning and i slept terribly. i was still angry when i sat the iPad down to sleep. Despite the fact i was nearly falling asleep as i typed, and i thought i was over it, i wasn’t.

i tossed and turned all night long. When i got out of bed this morning, so did David. He doesn’t usually get up with me, but he did today. So he had to wait on his coffee, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Instead, after we were standing upright, he grabbed one of my butt cheeks and squeezed it hard while kissing me too. He doesn’t usually do that in the mornings as he’s still most,y asleep, but he did today.

Grabbing my butt cheek reminded me that he knew the belt was still on. And while he did it very lovingly, it was a reminder that the belt was needed and was serving its purpose.

i feel confident the belt will come off for the day…. But i won’t be surprised if i sleep in it again tonight!

i hope the frustration, annoyance, disappointment, anger, and (fill in the blank!!) negativity leaves me soon!

Hugs,

Marie

260 – Active submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 260 – Active submission

Offering to submit may be either passive, as in yielding or surrendering, OR it can be active, as in gifting or offering.

i have recently started listening to various podcasts as i get my exercise in for the day. (Usually i walk 1-3 miles a day in the morning hours, before work.)

i try to listen to self-help type podcasts, specifically with the “submissive wife” or D/s type of content. i look for instructional how-to type podcasts. Because our dynamic is 24/7, meaning it’s more than just sex-scenes, i like to hear about helpful advice and best practices for being a good submissive wife type podcasts.

Recently i listened to one that the author talked about “active submission.” What it means, what it is, how to do it, and so forth.

Active versus passive. Dominant versus submissive.

Generally speaking, many people think the words “active” and “Dominant” go together, while “passive” and “submissive” go together. In fact, when you look up the word “passive,” one of the synonyms is “submissive.”

It would seem to reason that if passive and submissive are synonyms, then active and submissive are antonyms. That’s not quite true though. In fact, the antonyms of the word “passive” is not active, but rather unyielding, resisting, and protesting.

So based on that, i would argue though that while the seemingly natural combined words of passive and submissive can go together, they don’t always have to be paired that way. i think the the words “active” and “submissive” can and should also be put together.

The word “active” is defined as “engaging or ready to engage in physically energetic pursuits.” Any spouse, Dominant or submissive, should all be engaged, or ACTIVE, in their marriage.

If you think about the development of a relationship, it starts with the dating phase. We are always at our best then. We want to actively spend time with one another, seek out ways to impress one another, and generally present ourselves in ways that are pleasing to one another.

Then we “get engaged.” i think it’s funny how we say, “engaged to be married,” in reference to those desirous and working toward the goal of standing at the altar and saying I do. Here again, we are actively pursuing one another and “engaged” in the relationship with one another.

However, once that goal is achieved (of being married), we don’t see “engaging” as necessarily part of the formula thereafter. Once we get married, we settle into things … house, work, kids, pets, and .. well, life. Yet, i think we should be engaging in our marriage too! If we were all actively engaging in marriage, we might just have more success in being happy and staying married. i am, of course, NOT a marriage counselor, but just go with me for a minute here too.

Recognizing we are not always active or always passive, we should indeed have a mindset to engage with our spouse in the moment and in the way it is needed too. Add to this too, for one to be active does not automatically imply the other must be passive. It’s not a give and take thing, but rather a give and give thing. For one (or more) to be active only implies that one (or more) others must be accepting, which should go both ways!

So what does active Dominance or active submission look like anyway?

As mentioned, active dominance seems to be a natural concept for most people, so i think that one is easy. It means the Dominant gives instruction, sets expectations, makes decisions, has control, and delivers consequences when the submissive does not (quite or fully) measure up.

Active submission may seem to be more challenging then, as it would seem two people can’t both be active at the same time. It would seem to stand that if the dominant is active, then by default the submissive must be passive. i would disagree because remember, active means engaging.

Active does not mean forceful or getting your way or being in charge. So even an active Dominant does not (or should not) imply they are automatically forceful. They just have to be engaged in the well being of the marriage and family dynamic so that they make the decisions. And then the submissive should work to be engaging (or “active”) and accepting, but NOT forceful.

This is a good place for me to say that this “active submission,” thought process hasn’t always been the way i’ve thought it was for a submissive. In fact, i would probably say i have thought a submissive is passive, while a Dominant is active. i used to think this because as a sub, i thought we had nothing more to do that to follow orders. The extent of the “active” submission was to accept orders and to accept punishments, whenever the Dominant decided either was appropriate. But even then, in some ways, a submissive has to actively decide to accept the orders and punishments. But now, i know it’s really more than that…..

A few ways a submissive can be active include:

1) A submissive should seek out ways to serve. A submissive should observe her Dominant partner and find ways to serve him without him even having to ask.

i have known for ages that David drinks his coffee black. He only drinks one cup, almost immediately after waking up. And i am (almost always) up and awake before him.

i enjoy my morning quiet time on the couch drinking my coffee, surfing the net, writing to you, etc. i rarely turn on lights or tv, as i like the quiet and to watch the sun rise to light up the room naturally. i nearly always hear David when he wakes up. He’s not loud, but without artificial sounds in the house, just the natural noise that comes from the bedroom is audible.

i recently decided i should be more active in my submission and get his cup of coffee ready for him as he arises. So now, when i hear his stirrings, i hop up and make his coffee. By the time he comes out of the bedroom, i am standing at the ready for him to take his cup, kiss and greet me, and he goes off to drink his cup in peace.

It has come as a bit of a joyful surprise to him that i am doing this as he knows how much i enjoy my morning quiet time, and he has more or less left me to it in the past. i suspect at some point he will simply come to expect this level of active submits be part of our routine and not something to necessarily thank me for.

i do it because i have sought out a way to serve him actively. And he has noticed! First he was surprised, then he was pleasantly happy, and now he’s come to expect it. It when as he expects it, he is gracious and appreciative of it too.

(And in the last 2-weeks since our son has left for college, i do all this in the nude. This is intentional on my part too. i actively want David to see his cup of coffee and my naked body, ready to serve him, first thing in the morning as he rises. What better way to wake up and start the day could there be?!)

2) A submissive should respond with enthusiasm. When her Dominant asks (or expects) her to perform a task, do it happily and cheerfully and not begrudgingly.

While admittedly there are times i just don’t want to do it, i should first ask myself why. And if no legitimate reason exists, then do it. And do it with joy outwardly AND inwardly!

A dominant and a submissive can both be active. Here’s an example of a possible dialogue between David and i:

David: “Marie, I’d like to have a second cup of coffee today. Could you bring me one?””

Me: “Yes Sir.” (And i retrieve it).

Upon delivering the second cup….

David: “thank you.”

Sometimes i just say, “you are welcome Sir.” And sometimes i also say something like, “i enjoy being used and serve you Sir, in all ways. i look forward to the next opportunity to do so.”

This lets David know how happy i am to serve but i have actively responded with enthusiasm to his request by: 1) responding quickly and without delay, 2) filled his request the way that was pleasing, justas he asked, 3) opened the door for him to feel comfortable to give me more orders/ requests, where he now knows i will respond with enthusiasm.

3) A submissive should be observant and anticipate his needs. Whether it be sexual or otherwise, a submissive can provide active service to her Dominant when she’s observant to his needs.

When i notice David is sneezing, and when i am observant, i go get him a tissue, or the allergy medicine, or nose spray. He notices. He is thankful.

When i notice he is stressed out and tense, i ask if i can make things better by giving him a massage. Usually when he says yes to this, i try to get naked first. Sometimes nothing comes of it, but occasionally it does.

When i can make it a sensual massage, i do. Of course, he’s in charge and let’s me know if it’s ok to touch him sexually or not. And when he touches my body parts as i touch him, it (typically) leads right into an amped up sexual energy and release for both of us! (Oh la la!)

4) A submissive should never forget. When David gives me a task that can’t be done immediately, i (try hard) to not forget. Like when he texts and says, “Can you pick up more milk on your way home?” i can’t forget.

When i do forget, it gives the impression that i just don’t care enough about his request or about him as my Dominant to do as i was asked. David perceives this as disrespectful (another reference to Respect!) and he becomes incredibly irritated, if not mad, when i forget.

He says things like, “Now how am I supposed to finish cooking our dinner if you didn’t get the milk I needed? You just didn’t care enough to do as I asked.”

While i wouldn’t say it’s true (that i don’t care), it certainly presents like that!

So i give myself active reminders to ensure i don’t forget, like leaving myself a Post it note in my car, on my steering wheel. As i get in the car and see the note, i grab it up and hold it in my hand while i drive home. i make a point to not let go of it so that it is constantly “touching me” and i can’t (easily) forget.

i used to forget things like this ALL the time! i would apologize, promise to do better, make excuses about why i forgot and move on. And do it again. All it did was irritate and rub David raw. Of course, that was pre-DD (domestic discipline) and before he had alternative ways to handle his annoyance!

Now though, i just try to be an active submissive wife and try to never forget. It’s easier and ultimately better this way!

5) An active submissive should dress in ways that are pleasing to him. Always.

i never used to have the confidence to dress in ways that are pleasing to him, because i frequently saw it as slutty. Now, i frequently still think it is slutty, but i don’t care. If that’s what he wants, that’s what he gets!

i used to worry about what people might think if they saw me “that way.” Now i think, “let them think what they want. My husband is the only one who’s opinion matters, and he likes it when i dress this way.”

David has always asked me to wear short, cut off jean shorts. They were in style when we were first married and are once again in style (no comments about how old i am to see styles come and go and come again!). i NEVER even owned them before, let alone wore them. Now. Now i own two pairs and wear them every chance i get!

Likewise, he loves it when i wear low cut shirts too. i have large boobs and always worried about flashing people and hanging out too far. Now. Now i know if i am “too far” out, David will tell me. And then i will change it. But until then, i let the girls hang out as far as they want to. And i do it all with pride and confidence, because i am actively submitting to David’s will!

i actively seek out ways to dress in a pleasing manner to David. And i do with it with joy in my heart!

And then there is sex. A wife should always be available to her husband. While it can be overt or under cover, or somewhere in between, a wife should be a sexually pleasing being for her husband. i would say this is ultimately true for all wives, but especially ACTIVE submissive wives.

i would say since becoming David’s submissive wife, we have more (and better) sexual encounters than we ever did before. Why? Because i present myself in an inviting way that lets David know i WANT him.

i want HIM sexually, and non-sexually too, as my husband in any way he wants to give himself to me. He may choose not to do anything sexually at all, but when he does, i want him to always know i am open and available and ready. That holds true whenever and wherever he wants too.

He’s never going to do anything that gets either of us arrested, so i am never concerned about him asking for sex or sexual activity anywhere inappropriate. But if he wanted to throw me down in the grocery store aisle…. i’d let him! (But i know he never would!)

He calls me his submissive slut wife because i have slowly converted from being his prude wife to being a submissive wife to now being a submissive slut wife. i am proud to say, he’s right.

Why am i proud to be called a slut? Well, first i would only ever allow David to call me that. And second, he says it because i am that actively engaged in sexual activity with him that, like a slut, i make myself THAT wet and THAT eager and THAT desirous of it.

i flirt with David with my words and my touch, i rub against him, i talk slutty to him, i beg for his cock, and i am naked whenever i can be.

Oh, and a funny thing happens when you turn on those aroused sexual feelings all the time too. You suddenly want more. You can’t seem to get enough. And it fuels the submissive SLUT fore inside, that most every man would be excited about!

i even thank him every time for allowing me to touch, feel, and orgasm from whatever sexual activity he provided me. Sometimes i even thank him for saying no. While he usually laughs and thinks i am being sarcastic at this one, i explain that i AM thankful because he took the time to lead us and our marriage, thought it out, and he decided the answer was “no.”

But i NEVER say no to him. Ever. Not anymore. As i am an active submissive (slut) wife who wants and accepts his sex every-single-time he offers it to me! You could say i worship his cock and i give it the praise it is due!

i will end with….. these are just some of the ways i have become David’s ACTIVE SUBMISSIVE WIFE.

There are many, many, more ways. What would you add to the list? What do you do to be an active submissive or an active dominate?

i’d love to hear what else you’d add to the list! Comment below and let me hear from you.

Hugs,

Marie

259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 259 – 24-hours. Is a long time.

In chastity. Alone. As my Sir is away from home, i am locked up. i don’t have self control. Not enough anyway. i have a propensity to play with myself, without permission when left to my own devices. But not this time.

David left this morning and is home tomorrow morning. As i dressed this morning, the belt went on. And he hid the key somewhere in our house. i can ask for it if i truly need it, and i suppose i might could possibly find it if i looked. But. i won’t. i won’t ask or search on my own. Because i can do this. i am strong enough to endure.

i need to do this.

i need to prove i can follow orders.

i need to prove i can be strong.

i can be a good girl.

As David left, he kissed me, said how much he loved me, and then said, “Tryyyy to be a good girl.”

i laughed. i rolled my eyes. i said, “it’s a bit difficult to be bad when i am locked up Sir.” i am saying “Sir” a wholeeee lot now!

He smiled and said, “I’m sure you could find a way of you wanted to. But I’m sure you don’t. Correct?”

“Correct Sir.”

So how how did it go anyway?! Glad you asked….

6:15 a.m.

i went to David and as i was naked, i stood in front of him and spread my legs. And then i said, “it’s nearly time to lock up. Do you want to touch her before you leave?”

He looked at my puss and said, “nope! Sure don’t! Be sure to bring me the keys.”

Well, i wanted to pout. And beg. But i didn’t. Thankfully! Instead, i was a good girl and went to shower, dress, and lock up. Tight. Even though he hasn’t touched her in 2-full days now, i was determined to be good.

7:00 am

While tucked snuggly into place under her belt, i grabbed the lock and snapped it in place. With that, i handed David the key. He smiled and thanked me for being a good girl and asked if i am ready for this. i responded truthfully, “yes…and no…Sir.” Gotta get the “Sir” in there now too!

He then said, “go wait for me in the car.” He was hiding the key from my sight.

And i drove him to the airport. We talked about mundane things. Anything BUT the steel between my legs!

Meanwhile ALL i could think about is the next 24-hours…. How will i make this happen? If i ask for the key early, will that be disappointing for me or him or both?! The belt is already a bit chafing… maybe it’s just not positioned correctly… or maybe I just haven’t settled into the feeling of it yet…. So seriously, how will i make it 24-full hours like this…. how i wanted to rip the belt off and be a normal person. i know i am NOT normal. Is that a bad thing though?!

After dropping him at the airport, i drove to my office. As i drove, all these wild thoughts were in my head about this belt. That’s when my free hand wandered down into my pants. i knew i couldn’t touch myself for real but i had a desire to touch the metal with my bare hand. i wanted to touch it and see just how “real” this 24-hours of restricted access feels like.

And i worked to reposition it to a less chafing position. It didn’t move though, at least not much anyway. It’s not supposed to really. That’s the whole point. Restricted access means it won’t move from the full coverage it provides!

Then i pressed straight onto the plate itself. i wanted to know more about how my pussy would feel inside the plate if it felt pressed from the outside. No, i hadn’t really done that when i have worn it previously.

In times before, i respected (or feared) the belt enough too much to even try to see if i could get a stimulant from the outside. But this time is different. This time feels more like an intimate and close friend. And as close as we are, i need to know your friendliness meter. This time i am wearing this for a full 24-hours and i wanted to know if i could stimulate (okay, fine …call it what it is, “masturbate”) myself at all, and of so, how would it feel.

This was a no-go. While i could feel pressure on the outer edges of the plate, where the edge of the belt meets my thighs, it was nowhere near my pussy opening or clit! They felt absolutely zero. Nothing. Nada. As far as my pussy was concerned, there wasn’t anything but darkness in her world! She saw no light, heard no sound, and felt no pressure.

i couldn’t decide if i was pleased about this or not. But i did accept chastity willingly, heck i asked for it! So i suppose in the sense this is exactly what I need and asked for… i like it. It’s effective! And the belt may be close and intimate, but she has zero desire to be my friend.

8:00 a.m.

i arrive at work after a bit. i wonder if anyone can tell i am different today. i know they can’t see anything through my clothes as the belt is fully covered and inconspicuous. But can they see the difference in my demeanor? No, i am sure they can’t see that either, to which i am really kinda disappointed actually! i feel different, so shouldn’t they see how different i am? No, they don’t notice.

But let’s face it, people are always preoccupied to notice things like a chastity belt on their coworker which is causing her to talk, walk, and act just a bit differently today. Of course, i couldn’t tell you anything about any of them either. Why? Because i was too preoccupied trying to look normal and to see if they notice i am not acting normal. There’s the word “normal” again.

In fact, i am really rather distracted at work. i am comfortable in my chair with the belt on, but will it stay that comfortable when i stand up? Maybe i should practice doing that (standing and sitting) now so if i have to do it later in front of someone else, i will know if it will make noise at the wrong time, or squeeze my labia to painful moments, or something else i haven’t even thought of too.

Never mind… i have to focus and get work done already!

10:00 a.m.

i am quite thankful i have very few scheduled meetings today. i can hide out in my office and be less conspicuous. At least i hope that’s what happens.

But i have to pee. Oh here we go!

10:30 a.m.

Oh geez. i really have to use the bathroom now. i have held it in for 30-minutes but that’s the best i can do. i have to do this. In the belt. Okay, here we go.

There are holes in the belt shield for this purpose, but it feels so humiliating. It feels like i am peeing in my clothes, like a little kid or something. All of which is weird, so i have to truly concentrate on relaxing my muscles and just let it flow.

And when it does, while it ends up where it should in the toilet, it’s not a single stream but a spread out all over stream. Causing a bit of a question if there’s still urine trapped between my labia folds and the belt.

So now i have to wipe. As good as possibly can be done anyway. And i wipe some more. And for good measure, I wipe more. i hold the belt out as far as possible with one hand, suck in my gut, and try to press paper in there to soak up the urine. i think urine is gross anyway, so i want to be as clean and dry as possible, which takes a lot of effort!

Okay, that accomplished, won’t lie.. that was worse in my head than in reality. So, back to work now.

11:30 a.m.

Time for lunch. Together with 4-coworkers, we go out to a Mexican restaurant together. While I could care less about the strangers, i worry if may coworkers can hear the metal plate clanging around as i walk. i wonder if getting in and out of their car together will be the obvious defining moment to give away the fact that i am different today. i watch their moves to see if they hear it, tune in to it, or wonder why it’s coming from my torso! Nothing.

This is all good, right?

12:30 p.m.

Back at the office and back at my desk. And seriously, time to be normal and just get some work done already!

But i feel like i want to tell someone about my belt. i want someone to see. i want to see the shock on their face and me giggle at it. But that’s not normal. i wouldn’t show my coworkers my underwear, so why would i show them this steel belt?!

Because now David’s plane has landed, i decide to tell David about this “desire” to show off. The response i got back was, “hmm.” Not what i was expecting really. i thought he would chastise me (get that pun there!? Lol) for wanting to show off my chastity belt! No matter, the “hmm” was likely all i really needed, and he didn’t have to rub it in. i knew that was ultimately what he thought!

1:30 p.m.

Now i am finally into a groove for work productivity. i have accomplished some things and need to keep going.

The belt isn’t chafing at all now. i wonder if my earlier thoughts of the chafing were just my body needing to settle into the feelings of being pressed upon by the metal.

If the rest of the afternoon continues like this, i will definitely get all the way to tomorrow morning without having to ask for the key! i won’t disappoint Sir or myself! Now i am hopeful. And determined too.

2:30 p.m.

Oh here we go back to the bathroom again. Alright, i can do this. i already did it once today, not to mention it had done it in the belt before too.

No idea why i am such a head case about this. This time, i even go to another floor in my building. i noticed the lock made some noise as i pulled my pants down last time. If a coworker is in the bathroom at the same time, they would notice it and it’s a 2-person stall bathroom. They would know it was coming from me.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I have gone from wanting them to notice, to wanting to show it off, to now not wanting anyone to know at all.

Them NOT knowing is really the right answer.

On the other floor and in the bathroom, this time it went even easier than last time. Practice makes perfect. Do i want to be perfect at this? To be perfect means i am doing this a lot, meaning i am wearing the belt a lot. Yes, i want this! This is good for me!

3:30 p.m.

Never even saw the clock in this hour. That’s a good thing.

This belt has become my new-normal. And that’s a good thing too!

4:30 p.m.

Another easy and productive hour! Yah. i got this.

i am confident now i can make it to tomorrow. i see nothing standing in my way. i AM A CHASTITY GIRL!

But i am not even officially to 12-hours yet and a lot of time still in front of me!

5:30 p.m.

Time to go to a fast dinner with my sister. i know she won’t notice or see my belt in any way. i have gotten used to standing, walking, sitting in it now. And i am accepting of it as i have figured out how to manage with it physically and mentally too, so there’s no chance of me acting weird either.

It was a pleasant meal. We talked about mundane things, which is how it should be.

6:30 p.m.

It is Wednesday. Every good (Southern Baptist) girl goes to church on Wednesday night for an hour of bible study and to commune with like-minded people.

i am in a bible study that just kicked off last week. But not only am i in it, i lead it. i am standing in the front of the “class” for ladies bible study, while walking around, with them sitting down.

Their eyes are level with my crotch. i wonder if anyone has laser beam vision to see straight through my pants to the metal i am wearing. But that would be a super hero move, and while still pretty awesome, no one in this room is a super hero, at least that i know of anyway.

Maybe i am a super hero, with my own plate shield to protect me from all kinds of evil, real or perceived. My most intimate part is under full protection. From what? From myself. And everyone else too!

7:30 p.m.

i drive home. After getting home, i text David to let him know i am home and thinking of him. And i get naked.

i exchange some banter with Sir by saying, “maybe i need to have the key now to unlock this belt and be fully naked now.”

He responds with, “not a chance! You can ask, but you won’t get it. You are as naked now as you are going to get.”

“But then what if i need the key?! How would you know how desperately i need it?”

“You won’t.”

“But how will you know that Sir?” (forgot the “Sir” with previous texts. Not sure if he noticed! Hope not for my sake.)

“Because you made it this far without asking. Besides you are just stubborn enough that you won’t ask.”

“You are probably correct Sir.”

“Probably???”

“Ok, i know you are correct, but i don’t want to admit i am that stubborn.”

“Hmm”. (That little word is really multipurpose.)

8:30 p.m.

As i was doing little things around the house like picking up/cleaning, watching tv, playing ball with the dog, i opened a drawer to put something away.

There lays the key.

To my belt.

Right there.

Do i tell David i found it? He will think i went looking for it. But i can explain. But i didn’t do anything wrong to need to report ether. Does it matter that i found it if i don’t touch it, and definitely not use it?

Just shut the drawer and pretend i never saw it.

But i can’t unsee it.

Besides, i am getting tired of this belt now too. It’s not so friendly at all anymore, not that it was any too friend,y from the start anyway! But now the excitement of it has definitely worn off. i could escape and sleep well and no one would have to know.

But i would know.

Just shut the drawer and walk away!

9:00 p.m.

Time to use the bathroom again. Damn bladder.

i can just go get the key, unlock myself, use the toilet, and relock back. That would make the bathroom experience so much easier and better. And i could ensure a good wipe. That would help me sleep better, knowing i am clean under this belt.

But it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Forget about the key already!

Damn key.

i am a good girl. i am a good girl. Keep telling myself that.

And i am. And i did. And i left the key in its place and used the bathroom in the belt.

Damn belt.

10:00 p.m.

“Go lay down and read. Or write in the blog. Or play a stupid game on your iPad. Hell, go to sleep. But forget about that damn key!”

“You are nearly to the morning. All you have to do now is sleep. And be a good girl.” is what i told myself.

And that’s what i did.

i put a pillow between my legs as i always do, to help give me a straight back as i lay on my side (per chiropractor, this is helpful and i am now used to it.)

It feels good between my legs. i want to masturbate. Maybe if i hump the pillow a little it will help.

Damn pillow.

Humping it does nothing good. In fact, it probably made it worse as the frustration is no seriously amped up to a higher notch!

Now i just need to orgasm that much more, without any ability to do anything about it. No orgasm for me.

Damn key.

i am a good girl, i am a good girl, I AM A GOOD GIRL!!!

Turn over and go to sleep already! And i did.

Seriously… i AM a good girl, despite the damn key!

5:30 a.m.

i slept really good. i don’t remember waking up one time, turning over, dreaming, nothing. i feel quite relaxed now.

And only about 2’ish more hours and my Sir will be home and the belt will come off.

i even use the restroom without even thinking twice. AND without being unlocked. Who cares about the damn key, because I AM A GOOD GIRL!

6:30 a.m.

He has landed. He’s taking an Uber home.

Woo hoo! Can’t wait to see him. Oh how i miss him when he’s gone. While i have been hyper focused on the belt, i have an even more interest in seeing him, my Sir!

7:30 a.m.

He’s home! i greet him with the biggest smile and kiss. Naked. Except of course, for the belt.

He says, “Wow. I love this greeting! This is wonderful. Is this for spending 24-hours all locked up??”

“i am just happy to see you Sir.”

“I can tell. But I have been gone for 24-hours before and never gotten this wonderful of a welcome home. I think it’s the belt that’s done this.”

“i won’t lie Sir, it has made me focus the last 24-(plus) hours. It is incredibly effective.”

“I should say so. Make no mistake, we will be using it more now that I witness it’s effects on your demeanor.” (Someone noticed the change in me. Just not my co-workers. And that’s ok, as the only person i truly care to notice is my Sir!)

“Good thing the fitted belt is coming soon Sir. It will probably be more effective than this one.”

“Perfect. I’m so proud of you for being obedient and wearing this belt for the duration. I wasn’t sure you would or could. But now it’s time to get you out of this and give you the reward you’ve earned!”

Yippie for me!

i am now off here… and out of the belt …and getting to orgasm in a big way! i wonder how soon it is until Sir has another out-of-town trip!?

Hugs,

Marie

257 – Out of sight, out of mind – Fiction

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“I have decided to keep you in the chastity belt for a good long time. I want to start using you, my beautiful slut wife, only for your back hole skills. I have given this a lot of thought and I believe it will be good for both of us. I believe the best way for you to learn how to ignore your pussy as much as I intend to ignore it, is by having it covered the majority of the time. Out of sight, out of mind!”

When Sir said “covered,” he meant with my chastity belt. He ordered it on soon after we finished our breakfast the morning he made his announcement.

As he locked it in place, he said, “this will be good for you to learn to be even more submissive in all ways. Lately it seems your pussy has just become entirely too needy. You think with your cunt and not with your mind. You seem to think that your submission is just for sex, but you are my submissive all the time and in all ways. Correct?”

As he spoke i couldn’t help but think what he said was true. My pussy had become needy and i wasn’t sure anymore if i was serving my Sir because i wanted to, or because she wanted me to. My puss knew if i did good, he would reward her with the orgasms she loved to get. So was my submission of my own volition or her neediness?!

So when Sir asked if he was correct, i knew he was. i told him i was happy to submit myself to him in ALL ways, and if that meant no pussy then no pussy he shall receive. But that was nearly a month ago now, and this has been harder than i imagines! i yearn for my pussy to have escape and to be touched.

i have spent more hours IN chastity than OUT! And every hour out has been highly supervised where i heard, “I can’t trust you to not touch your pussy. I think you will give it the attention and satisfaction you think it needs.”

Unfortunately no truer words were spoken. Admittedly, had i even received 2-minutes of unsupervised and uncovered minutes, my pussy would absolutely be satisfied and dripping with the biggest orgasm i have had in a long time… perhaps ever.

Oh don’t misunderstand me, i have had orgasms during this month. But all were a direct result of my anal hole being fucked and deriving all good and pleasurable things from that sexual stimulation alone. My Sir hasn’t even played with my clit or allowed that type of orgasm.

In fact, one evening, he took the belt off and told me he was going to make love to me. He told me to “lay on the bed on your back. I want to take you now my love.” And my heart absolutely melted. i was already naked, so it took just a second for me to lay down and spread my legs.

As he came towards me, he saw how wet my pussy was as it glistened with pre-cum juice. His eyes moved from my wet pussy to my smiling face where he said, “that is a beautiful looking pussy. But I meant it when I told you that I’m now turning you into my anal-only slut wife. You need to learn to find pleasure in receiving my cock into your ass, and not into your desperate pouty looking pussy. Do I make myself clear?”

With a disappointed look and a pity face that matched my pussy, i responded dutifully with the expected, “Yes Sir.”

He became slightly irritated and said, “if you’d rather not feel and enjoy my cock at all, I can certainly arrange that.”

“Oh no Sir, please use my holes in any way that you find desirous. i love pleasing you Sir, i only just wish i would get to enjoy your cock in my pussy too.”

With that, he lay down between my legs and on my chest where i felt his rock hard cock against my belly and even pressing on the top of my clit too and he kissed me deeply. He told me how he knew what i desired, but he also knew what he felt was best. He told me how good i was and how much he loved me. Oh how I love to please my Sir! My pussy was throbbing and so wet!

While every man can press his cock into whichever hole he wants without even looking, my Sir pulled back from me and sat back onto his legs. He was indeed looking at my holes and when he said, “I want to be sure to press my beautiful cock into the right hole. I don’t want any miscommunication happening by accidentally pressing myself into your needy cunt because your anal hole is the only hole I want anymore!”

And with that, i felt the tip of his cock press against my anus and start to move inside. With nearly a month of anal-only, my ass has started to accept him willingly and open up for him more easily. It doesn’t hurt at all as my ass has stretched and learned to accommodate him at the very touch of the tip of his beautiful cock!

He pressed in and past my sphincter muscle, where gratefully he has almost always paused for me to catch my breath, and he did again this time too. But as soon as he could feel my entire body muscles all relax, he pressed into me fully and as deeply as he could. i felt his balls hit the outside of my ass as his cock was buried deep inside me.

After he was sure he hit the right hole, he laid back down on my chest where we were face to face and close together. He hadn’t pinned or restrained me physically really, but we both knew i wouldn’t move without permission or direction. His arms and chest surrounded me and made me feel warm and loved as he pressed his cock in and out of my anal hole with passionate slow loving motions. He kissed me deeply too. He moved from my face and into my neck where i heard him say, “you are the most magnificent submissive slut wife I could have ever asked for!”

To which i responded, “oh thank you Sir for your love and kind words. i love how you chose to use me. Your cock feels perfect inside me Sir!”

He pressed his lips down onto my boob, licking hard at it, and then pulling on my nipple with his teeth. It made me groan and arch my back in pleasure.

As he let go of my nipple, it came out of his mouth with a big ‘pop’ sound and slapped back down to my chest. It was a pleasurable pain and i moaned into his ear with thanks.

With that, he raised up on his arms and started to truly focus on fucking me. i couldn’t tell if he was intent on making love to me for me, or for him. It didn’t really matter, he was happy and that made me happy. i truly love being his slut wife and being used in a way that’s ultra pleasing to him. I derive my joy from his! Always!

While he started slowly, he started picking up speed. He was moving in and out of my ass with intention. Now i knew the love making ended and the fucking was beginning. My job is to take every bit he gives me, and be joyous in it while willingly urging him to give me more!

And that’s what i did too! “Please Sir, give me all of your cock! Get it deep inside my ass. Fuck me harder than ever before!”

And that got him really focused. i stared into his eyes as he became laser focused on his desires to fill my ass with his cum. i started begging for it. “Please Sir, fill me up! i want to drip your seed from my ass all day long. Give it to me!”

With that though, he decided it was time to flip me over. He pulled out and sat back, taking a breath of air as he said, “turn over and up on all 4’s. NOW bitch!” i adore his pet names for me when he is in the passion of the moment. i know what i am to him at this moment, and that is his needy bitch in heat!

He pressed his cock toward my opening, but i could feel it was my pussy and not my ass. i wasn’t sure if he knew or if i should say something really. i so BADLY wanted to have him use my cunt and not just my ass, but if i am nothing else, i am a good submissive slut wife!

As he started to press in all the way, i laid down on the bed forcing his cock out. He slapped down hard on my ass and yelled out, “you dumb bitch! What the fuck was that? You don’t ever get to deny my cock in your ass!”

i tried to object and to explain, “but Sir….”

He slapped my ass again, harder than the first and said, “NO! Get back in position before I punish you for making me lose focus on my desire to fill your ass with my seed!”

And i got back into position without another word. But he started to press into the wrong hole once again. While i so desperately wanted it to be his right hole, i knew he wouldn’t agree that it was.

So i took another approach and sat up on my knees. And insisted on getting my words out, “But Sir… you are penetrating the wrong hole.”

“The wrong hole? I am taking your ass and leaving that pouty needy cunt untouched! Don’t tell me your ass is the wrong hole!”

“No. Sir, i mean to say you were pressing against my pussy opening and about to penetrate me there. As much as i wish it were the right hole, i know in my heart that’s not how you want to take me anymore. i wanted to make you aware before it was too late.”

With that, he grabbed my chin and pulled my head around to him as far as it would go. He pressed his tongue into my mouth and kissed my mouth with passion. When he was done kissing me he said, “you are an amazing slut wife. I love how you are beginning to accept my decision to only use your back-hole now. Thank you for telling me.”

He then pressed me back onto position on all 4’s and used his hand to guide his cock back onto what he deemed the right hole, my ass hole. When he pressed slowly all the way in again, he held himself there for just a minute. He pressed his chest down onto my back and i felt his hands come around either of my sides and cup my big boobs. One boob filling each hand. And he began to use them as leverage to move in and out of my ass. Soon he started to push and pull on my tits as he was pumping my ass faster and faster. i felt his balls bang up against my clit, and while it felt so titillating, it was such a reminder that my clit nor my puss was going to be used tonight at all. He started going as fast and hard as he could, and my boobs were on fire as he squeezed and pulled on them harder and harder too. He was pulling them taut to allow himself to pull back as far as possible, then he slammed his cock deep into my ass and he repeated. He did this over and over, as fast as he could too.

It was just a matter of minutes before i felt the need to orgasm. This was such a huge turn on and i heard myself begging, “Please Sir, may i cum?”

He didn’t respond. He was so focused on willing himself closer to orgasm too. i know from past times that i am NOT allowed to orgasm without his express approval, so i focused on holding in my desires… as best i could anyway. But the urge to orgasm was becoming too much as he pumped my ass more and more, so i begged with more intensity. “Pleaseeee Sirrrr, may i cum NOW? i can’t hold it in any more.”

He grunted out, “No. You are my anal whore and I want you for one-single-reason- right NOW!”

As he said “now,” he pressed deep into my ass and held himself there. i felt his cock flex in my ass where i knew he unloaded his cock fully into my ass. He filled me with his hot cum.

i was grateful to be his cum dump when it happened, as i barely managed to NOT orgasm (without permission) myself . While i SO wanted and even needed to orgasm, i had no desire to be punished for it either. i could tell that tonight was about him and his needs, not my own.

Sir finally pulled his cock out of my ass and fell onto the bed beside me. i collapsed into his arms as he opened them for me saying, “come here my sweet love.” ilove how he calls me the names that so fit in the moment. i know i am his anal bitch, slut wife, submissive whore, but i am also the love of his life, the submissive wife of his dreams, and his sweet love.

We laid there a minute when he asked if i enjoyed serving him. Of course i did! And i told him so. i also took this time to ask him, “Sir, while i love serving you in any capacity you see fit, including denial of my own orgasm, you’ve never told me why you want only anal sex. Do you not love my pussy anymore?”

His hand cupped my chin and pressed my head back so that i was looking him in the eye. He said, “oh my sweetheart, I very much love your pussy. I just need to teach you some lessons right now. This has been a very long test for you. And while you are getting better, unfortunately you aren’t quite there yet either.”

He continued, “your entire body needs to submit to me fully. Before we put the chastity belt on your needy cunt and before I started limited your ability to receive pussy orgasms for this last month, you served me when you wanted to. You seem to only be a good submissive when you want to have your pussy played with and to achieve your own needy orgasm.”

i was in a bit of shock as he said this, as i wholly didn’t see it that way.

But he saw my surprise and said, “Before you go thinking I am wrong, think about it more deeply. Even tonight, when I told you I was going to make love to you, your eyes lit up. And when I reminded you I was only going to use your back hole, you and your pussy both began to pout. You tried to get your way instead of being happy to serve me in any way, especially in the way I wanted you to!”

He continued even more, “of course, you did speak the truth to me when I nearly penetrated your puss. I did that on purpose to see how needy and selfish you’d be, but to my surprise, you didn’t allow me inside your puss and owned your position tonight. That was a huge test that you passed.”

As he said all this, i was shocked even more to know that he didn’t accidentally try to press his cock into my pussy but rather he was testing me! i wasn’t sure how i felt about this, but i did know how right he was. i hadn’t been the best submissive wife i could be, but really rather selfish lately. There was nothing to say as these realizations settled upon me.

He smiled and said, “Don’t beat yourself up too much sweet girl, as you are getting better. Tonight was the best it’s been in awhile. Unfortunately though, you and I both know you aren’t quite there and your training needs to continue. So before you do officially fail to submit to me, let’s get you cleaned up and back in your belt!”

He watched me wash myself and when i was clean and dry he said, “now go lay on the bed and let’s get your needy pussy locked back in her place. One day she will learn to be grateful when she’s used, and not so sad or rejected when she’s not.”

As i laid down on the bed, where Sir had already laid the belt out, my legs straddled the metal. The belt around my hips and the strap through my legs were all too familiar now. Sir pulled the strap up and over my pussy where the cold steel was laid on top of my mound and covered her up. And then the sides were pulled into place too. All that was left was to wait to hear the tell tale sound of the lock clicking into place, which it did just a minute later.

He stood back and said, “oh my chastity queen, you look simply beautiful! I love seeing you in nothing but a belt that only I have the key to!”

“Now, I am really rather tired after this workout I’ve had tonight and we have work tomorrow, so let’s snuggle in for a good night’s sleep. Maybe in another month we can see if you are ready to submit your entire body to me fully and 100%. Until then, I’ll continue your anal use and ignore that pussy.”

i won’t lie, i had hoped he’d at least touch my clit as he locked her up. i guess my submission is not as complete as i would like to think. Alas, maybe one day…. Just not THIS day.

And with that, he climbed in bed beside me, turned off the light, and said, “I love you so dearly my love. Sleep well.”

“You too Sir. Thank you Sir for all you do for me!”

And i fell asleep wearing nothing but my chastity belt and wrapped in my Sir’s arms.

Hugs,

Marie

255 – All aboard… the emotional train wreck

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If today is any indication of what the rest of the week holds, i am already SURE that this week will end up with me in trouble. And i will be shocked if i don’t end up being spanked. Hard.

What’s more is… a spanking may help ground me.

Despite knowing this will be where i end up, i don’t see any real way to head it off at the pass! i am now just accepting it for what it is.

It is what it is.

What the heck am i talking about? yea, well….

This week, on Wednesday, we are taking our only child (son) to college. And I am full of emotions…. happy, sad, stressful, weak, strong, bossy, organized, hanging on while letting go … i am being “that Mom” right now who can’t hold it together.

This morning i almost got into a fight with David… over toilet paper. Yeah, TP! i thought the toilet room had a run out, so i went to get more from the stash in the garage. On my way back David says, “there’s some in there.” i’m like, “No, just ran out.”

He jumps in front of me and goes to look. Yes, i missed it. There was a 4-pack in there. And i got irritated and said, “Were you just wanting to prove me wrong or what?”

Yea, that didn’t make him happy. He gave me a lecture about how i only want to submit when it’s convenient for me and that’s not how it’s supposed to work. The whole time he was talking i was thinking, “yea, right. Whatever.”

I was smart enough to NOT say that out loud, which saved my ass.

Later at work, i texted him saying, “i’d like to talk about this morning but i can’t find any way to say something that is respectful.”

He texted back, “I should’ve realized you are stressed this week, so much so that you are in your own world and oblivious to your surroundings.”

Well, that angered me too. i mean, it might’ve been true but i sure didn’t think so! But again, i was smart enough to not say anything.

That’s how my Monday morning and week started.

Wednesday will be tough. There are some positives to being an empty nester, namely our D/s dynamic will be easier.

Then Thursday will happen too. i have an initial meet and greet set up to meet a potential 2nd Dom. David knows and approves. He knows a lot about me already, including that i have a chastity belt. He told me to wear it to coffee. Not sure yet if i will. We will see what happens. One step at a time. This happened after David told me he wanted to learn to spank/discipline more effectively. i decided to see if i could make that happen and here we are with a potential match. Maybe that spanking that i think is inevitable will be delivered by this new Dom. Time will tell.

By Friday, i may be sad or flat out depressed without my son. i may be ecstatic with a potential new Dom. i may be exhausted from a draining week. All i know for sure is that this much chaos in one week usually adds up to be a recipe for disaster and usually leads to me running my mouth in a bad way which usually gets myself spanked.

So while i see a train wreck of emotions about to happen for me, and trouble on the other side, i don’t know how to change it. i don’t want to NOT feel emotions this week, but i don’t want to do it at my bottom’s expense either!

i hope i survive!

Hugs,

Marie