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254 – Submission choosing me… (to pick the margaritas)

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 254 – Submission choosing me… (to pick the margaritas)

i have said that “i didn’t choose submission, that submission chose me.” In this post, i intend to expand on that entire thought….

When i think back to my younger days, and even all the way back to my childhood, i would say that while i didn’t recognize it as such at the time, i have always had a submissive personality. i even contemplated the nature vs nurture thing here, and i honestly don’t know which it is.

What i know is, i have always been and always will be a submissive.

In trying to organize my thoughts on how to expand on this, i did a search of “personality traits of a submissive.” i then read through quite a few of the articles, and many of the sites portrayed being submissive as a negative thing. Many made it seem as if all submissives are in abusive relationships and need to be saved. One even said to seek therapy and “aggressive counseling.” i laughed at that one! If you couldn’t guess already, i am NOT abused, NOT in need of save for or therapy. Okay, maybe the therapy, but still. Lol!

While i can see that it could and probably does happen in some relationships (that a submissive is taken advantage of and/or is abused), this isn’t how it has to be or always is. And i would think the opposite is true too, that a dominant person could be taken advantage of and/or abused. i guess i would say that it just shouldn’t be assumed that submissive = abused. i know that’s not true for me for sure!

That said, i did find several articles that listed a lot of traits that i’d say pretty well define me, and i compiled my own listing in the process. Here’s my list along with some dialogue too!

Now to expand on those things above, as it relates to me personally

PEOPLE PLEASER (or “conflict avoidance”)

One character trait that shows up on every personality test i have ever taken is that i am a people pleaser. i like to see people happy and to the extent that i can make that happen, i do.

The old adage that says, “you can’t make all the people happy all the time,” is absolutely true, but it always causes me anxiety too. While i recognize and freely state that it’s absolutely true, when i am put into the position of being the one to decide who will be made happy and who is to be made UNhappy, i am suddenly also unhappy. i want to please ALL the people, and somehow knowing whatever i decide is assuredly going to cause someone unhappiness at my doing, seems wrong. i mean, i literally caused the negative situation by making a decision to chose someone else’s happiness and not theirs. It’s upsetting for me every time!

Now before you go saying, “yeah but…” i get how ludicrous what i just said really is. But it’s how i feel in that moment. i can’t necessarily apply logic and understanding to know it was not my fault, they will get over it, someone had to lose, made the best decision possible, etc. until later. But even then, while acknowledging it couldn’t be helped, i still feel bad about it too.

Now think of the flip side here in that at least one or more of the people are happy when i make a decision to serve or please them. That brings joy and happiness to them, AND in the process to me too! When there is more than one to serve/make happy, it’s then that i experience a quandary of what to do or say or how to act or who to please (or disappoint)!

i have been trying to serve others in my daily world my whole life. In a lot of ways, it could be said that i have always been submissive in the sense that my joy comes when other people have joy. i am a service submissive in that sense. Although i never recognized it as being a submissive at all at the time either, i know it now!

Without a doubt, this has defined a lot of my younger years. As i have grown older, i have learned to exercise more discernment about who i serve or try to please. That’s where i am able to rationalize the “it’s ok” part of “not everyone is happy all the time,” by recognizing that ALL the people’s happiness is not my responsibility and i have not failed them in the process.

i am now able to be much more intentional about who i want to (try to) serve snd make happy. Specifically, i now try to really only please my Sir, but to some degree you could also say my entire family, my co-workers/clients, and friends are still apart of that too.

As David is now my Sir and the only one i really ultimately serve, when i become overwhelmed from the others still in my life too, David reels me back in.

It may not make sense what i am saying because i am still (even as an adult) talking about serving multiple people simultaneously. So let me give you an example…..

It’s Friday afternoon and a few people from work want to go to a happy hour with heavy appetizers, drinks, and hours of fun. Most likely this will cause me to not be hungry for dinner that David is already in the process of cooking. i want to please the co-workers, but also David. While i could just say no to co-workers and head home, i also know if i always say no they will stop asking at some point and then i don’t exactly have friends at work anymore then too. Of course, i ultimately only need to please David!

What i do now is tell my co-workers, “Let me check with David and see if it’s ok.” Now i literally mean what it sounds like where i ask permission to go, but they don’t interpret it that way at all. They just think i am checking in or confirming a clear schedule, but what they think or interpret isn’t my concern (anymore).

Frequently David will say yes that i can go, but sometimes it’s a no too. And when it’s a no, i have to face the co-workers and share that news. i have learned that “No is a complete sentence.” And i just have to say, “David say no, so i have to pass on tonight. Thanks anyway. Invite me next time though too.”

Because David knows how i take all of everyone’s happiness (or unhappiness) on myself and how i have a propensity to want to please everyone, he brings me back. He makes me focus on what’s important. He makes sure i focus on him. Sometimes he delivers a maintenance spanking to ground me too (and it works every time)!

RESERVED AND QUIET (or “Tendency toward shyness”)

This too has been part of “me” since i was little. People who really know me think i am anything but reserved and quiet, but that’s because they forgot how i was when they didn’t know me so well.

i absolutely hate meeting new people, making small talk, and having to talk about ME! i would (almost) rather be invisible than to have to be the focus or center of a conversation.

On the same note, i love to people watch. i find enjoyment in watching and listening to others. i would say i “catalog” a lot about a person in just observing them… the obvious about how they dress and carry themselves, but also more about their personality when you listen to them talk.

So even when David says yes to happy hour, i don’t tend to actually talk much. And when i do, i tend to be focused on group dynamics, ensuring everyone is happy, and no one is left out. i will always try to situate myself in the middle of the group table so i can make sure everyone to both the left and right sides are included and part of the discussions. But when all is well and all are talking, i just listen. I just catalog all that i you hear and let the happy hour play out.

RULES FOLLOWER

i have always been a rules follower. At times, it used to drive my mother insane. i have always felt that “the rule is there for a reason.” And even if i don’t understand the rule or know the reason, if it’s there for a reason, i should follow it.

i made straight A’s in school. The A’s were easy because the rules were set and to follow. i knew when the homework or project or test would happen and i planned my schedule and was ready. i never once had to go to detention or the principal’s office. i drank alcohol exactly one time before i was of age to do so legally. i have never stolen anything. i have never tried illegal drugs. i have rarely ran a red light, and when i did, i almost always have had a good reason for it.

As an adult, i don’t cook well because there aren’t enough rules. (What is a “pinch” or “an amount to taste” even mean?). My career choice is chopped FULL of rules, and i find it easy to do while many do not. (i won’t tell you what i do, but so many have said to me, “I don’t know how you do what you do!” But the fact is, once you learn “the rules” it’s easy.)

So when David sets rules, like “leave Happy hour and be home by 6,” i know exactly what i must do. And i do it. [Of course, i don’t always do what I am told, which is what leads to discipline. But even then, i know what to do and i mostly do what i am supposed to. And when I don’t do it, i know the consequences too!]

AGREEABLE (or “Aren’t assertive”)

i am not always agreeable, but i suppose iam not always any of these characteristics. i am only just mostly all of these things most of the time, which is true here too.

When my co-workers say, “let’s go to the Tex-Mex place” for the happy hour, despite the fact that’s the exact same place i went to lunch that very day, i agree. In the scheme of things, i figure this decision or choice just doesn’t matter. And it’s not like i don’t like Mexican food and drinks (frozen margaritas are the best!), so it’s just easy to have someone else to decide and for me to just agree.

When things just don’t matter, why disagree? It’s not like i am NOT able to assert myself, it’s just that i do it selectively. i try to ask myself, “Does this decision matter?” And most of the time, the answer is, “no, it really doesn’t.” So why disagree if the decision doesn’t even matter? It’s just easy to agree then!

Most of the time, i am actually happy to agree as i am grateful that someone made a decision. It irks me to no end when people say, “I don’t know, what do you think?” And the answer is, “I don’t know either.” And then we stand and stare at one another. Someone make a damn decision already! Sooooooo when someone does, i am (almost always) happy and agreeable!

YIELDING (TO THE WILL OF ANOTHER)

i think “Y-I-E-L-D-I-N-G” is an interesting word. It means not rigid, pliable, and giving way. That is the very definition of a submissive person and who i am!

i am unsure there’s anything more to say here. I love this word and character trait. i would say i told the story will all the previous words and traits above.

CONCLUSION

All that was build up to say, i have always been a submissive person. i can lead, but i prefer to follow. In fact, i have to lead frequently, it i don’t especially like it. If i see that someone else steps up and takes charge, i let them. Because i am agreeable, yielding, and submissive!

Whether nature or nurture, i don’t know. What i do know is: submission chose me long ago. (i also know Happy Hour at a Tex-Mex place, drinking frozen margaritas and eating chips and queso is easy to agree to, make people happy, and yield to the will of others. If you are in Texas and want to prove me right … let me know and i’ll be there!)

Hugs,

Marie

253 – Wait for it…..

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On Saturday, David arrived back home. Because it was daylight hours, a weekend day, and we have a teen in our house, i knew nothing regarding discipline for my poor choices would happen. Not to say David couldn’t find a way to get he/i alone if he needed to, but it was easier to just wait.

As we were heading toward bed, i was starting to feel anxious and asked, “Sir, are you going to punish me?”

He said, “I haven’t decided yet.” i see.

And we went to sleep.

i usually wake before him, and Sunday was no different. i fully expected that once he was awake that on morning, he would indeed spank me. i was ready to accept it.

When he woke up, i had decided i would make his coffee and have it ready for him. i had already been thinking i ought to start doing that as another way to serve (and submit to) him. He was impressed and loved it. i was glad he didn’t honk i was trying to just kiss his ass in an attempt to avoid punishment, as that really wasn’t my intent at all!

And then throughout the day, nothing any different than the day before. We went about our day, our son was in/out, and no spanking or other punishment at all. The longer the day went, the more anxious i became. i even asked a second time, to which i heard, “maybe I am making you think.”

He didn’t have to finish that sentence or thought outloud. i knew he meant it to say that NOT getting a spanking, yet anyway, is definitely part of his plan and his punishment. He was making me think about my actions, be in tune with him, be accepting of the punishment… even the patience to wait to receive it … if “it” was to be a thing at all!

Towards the end of the day, i relaxed into it and decided, “i guess punishment won’t happen after all.” And i couldn’t quite decide if i thought that was a good or a BAD thing!

David was watching a tv show in the living room that i had no interest in, so i went to our bedroom and turned on the tv there. We do that sometimes, without issue for anyone. After a bit, he came in to see me. He got up near the bed, and i thought, “oh here we go! Punishment time!”

Instead though, he came to me and took hold of the zipper to my shorts and pulled it down. His hand went into my pants, and i spread my legs to make room for his hand. Of course, he didn’t pull my shorts down, only the zipper, so there still wasn’t much room at all. So i decided to try to make it easier on him where i lifted my butt and started to pull my shorts off.

That’s when he said, “I didn’t say to take your pants off.”

“i was just trying to make it easier for you Sir.”

“If I needed help, or to make anything easy, I will let you know.”

Well, i wanted his full touch, so i smiled a sly, sexy smile, and kept pulling my shorts off. He didn’t like that answer. He said, “ok, well… you didn’t listen. So now I’m done.”

With that he pulled his hand out of my, 3/4ths of the way off my butt, shorts and he left the room. i was sorely disappointed. i debated “what to do now.”

i opted to wait. i didn’t even pull my shorts up for awhile. i just sat there and waited. At least until i had to go pee, which was about 20-minutes later. Afterward, i texted him from the bedroom to the living room (yep, one room away!) and i said, “you could come back now Sir.”

And he texted back, “And you could listen to me now too!”

Ugh, now he has TWO reasons to discipline me! NOT what i had wanted or intended at all!

So i texted back, “Very true.” What more was there to say really?

With my shorts (fully) on, about another hour later, he came back. It was such a veryyyyy long wait! And he repeated the process.

This time i didn’t help him at all. He tweaked my clit, teasing it til i begged to cum. He said, “Nope! You already did that!”

And he was done again and leftthe room again. Of course he did!

A few hours later, we went to sleep. Again. This time i was convinced, “ok, no spanking for me after all. Just a lot of anticipation and edging. Okay, i can deal with that.”

And that brought us to Monday morning. Work day. David works from home but i do not. So i was preparing to get ready for the day, and as i got out of the shower, David said, “it’s time.”

And like the dumb ass that i am, i was confused (because i thought it wasn’t now going to happen and had put it out of my mind). and said, “excuse me Sir?”

And i heard the words, “Assume The Position”

Oh geez. Here we go. Here i deceived myself to think it was NOT going to happen. i was in full cringe, dread, “don’t want it do this!” mode. But i did. i got into position in a hurry, as he was waiting on me to do so.

And he got the paddle out and started to spank. From the get go, it hurt. It stung pretty hard, and he wasn’t even smacking me any too hard. In fact, at one point he even commented to that fact. i knew he was right but i had also just gotten out of the shower, been out of practice (haven’t had many spankings at all in 2022), and wasn’t even in the right mindset. So of course, it hurt more than usual at this point too!

He swatted fast over and over. i didn’t have time to think or count. He asked, “do you know why we are here?”

i could barely talk as i was focused on staying still, accepting this with grace, and …. breathing without yelling out, all at the same time. So i didn’t respond any too quick, which wasn’t too good either.

i finally eked out the words, “because i didn’t listen to you… i orgasmed without permission and i took my shorts off… and i askedmultiple times when this would happen.”

And he smacked a few times extra hard then and said, “Correct!”

When he was done, i was grateful and was glad it was over. i sat up and he said, “don’t you want to thank me??”

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir for caring and loving me enough to keep me in line and deliver punishment when i deserve it.”

“You are welcome. Now kiss me and let’s go have a good day.”

And that’s exactly what we did!

Sometime mid-morning he texted me, “butt still sore?” So i was still on his mind!

i responded with, “Not really Sir…. While a fast and hard spanking is effective, if you want it to last more long term, you’d have to repeat it say 3-5 minutes later, or maybe after a warm up, then give a few really hard swats too. i am not completely sure, but that’s what i think.”

He said, “Good to know.”

And that’s that! Next time may be different, time will tell. And I will have to wait for it!

Hugs,

Marie

252 – Good girl, with Bad habits!

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You may have noticed that quite a lot of our dynamic lately seems to be revolving around orgasm control. It’s not all we do, but it is a great motivator for me too.

In fact, you’ve heard the phrase, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In that same vein, i’d say “the way to my heart is through orgasm denial.” i see it as a challenge to comply, to bend, be vulnerable, and to ultimately submit! i have to have self-control, determination, and use mind-over-matter to make good choices all the time.

Despite what may seem true, i have been surprised at how much of a positive motivator the chastity belt has become for me too. When it is on, i have no ability to stimulate myself let alone orgasm. Yet, i am constantly aware of the belt and constantly in a low state of arousal too. But when it’s off is the surprising part actually. i thought i would attack my clit the second it was vulnerable and open to the fresh air, but it is quite the opposite! The belt comes off, and i think, “it is a privilege to have the belt off. This puss is not yours to touch, by your own volition. You made a voluntary consensual choice! So respect those choices and don’t touch!”

And i don’t. At least for awhile anyway.

Then there are days like today….

i’m not entirely sure what prompted me to do so, but in the middle of the day, i texted David, “i know you know i am sexually turned on… a lot. What you may/may not realize is that i am intensely motivated by sexual acts, with the hope (but not expectation) of ending with an orgasm,”

i continued, “Over the years you’ve wanted me to be more competitive. When it comes to the quest to get an authorized orgasm, i am very competitive. i’ll do nearly anything you ask, if you’ll (possibly) reward me with an orgasm. Sir, i am equally turned on by the denial as the allowance, because i know it’s intentional on your part when you deny or allow me to orgasm. Of course, make no mistake, i love to orgasm, especially at your cock, tongue, or hand… in that order too!”

And i waited for a response.

i got a “Good! And yes, I already knew much of that, which is why you don’t get to orgasm as much as you’d like, but maybe now it will be even less.”

And then he went out of town for tonight. Just one night. He’s back tomorrow.

Then tonight i got a text saying, “you’ve been very good lately. I will allow you to masturbate and orgasm tonight if you want. But just one orgasm.”

“Oh yes of course i want! Thank you Sir! Yea for me!”

And i started to play. And i orgasmed really fast. Too fast really. i was bummed at how fast it happened. i had already talked to myself about how nice and slow i wanted to go, to be able to enjoy the moment and relax into it. But, it didn’t happen that way. Okay, whatever, it was what it was. So i just was grateful for the one and tried to ignore the annoyance i was feeling, and set about watching tv.

But then the tv show wasn’t that great, and my mind began to think. i thought about how he never said i couldn’t play with myself more than once, only that i couldn’t orgasm more than once.

While i had wanted to go slow and enjoy myself upfront and because i usually struggle to get myself to orgasm more than once in such short periods (David can pull as many orgasms from me in as short of a period as he ever desires!), i could play with myself AFTER instead of BEFORE the single permitted orgasm. While playing AFTER isn’t quite as anticipatory as it would have been (and the grand finale ending will be different), i could do this instead!

i can fondle and love on myself, inside and out, maybe learn how to get myself to the edge after one orgasm, and well, have fun this way too. All while never orgasming the second time.

No problem, challenge accepted! i got this! So i grabbed my favorite dildo and set about having fun.

Unfortunately it didn’t take long before i was getting so close to the edge, that even i was surprising myself.

It wasn’t much longer and i heard my head screaming, “S-T-O-P! Don’t go over! Don’t allow yourself this indulgence!” The problem was i didn’t want to stop, but i did want to be good!

So now an internal battle began….

My left hand kept moving the dildo in and out, while my right hand kept rubbing on my clit. My head said, “Just a little bit more…. Besides, this was a challenge and you can stop before you go over that edge. Push that ‘edge’ further out!”

Then my head also told me, “this is so good. Keep going! It will be alright. You got this!”

And i kept going. And going.

And then i suddenly recognized that desire inside me building. The one that becomes determined to get what i want. i wanted to keep going….. and going…. right over that edge. i knew i simply needed to go over that edge. Or at least i told myself that. i thought, “why stop now? Just GO over the edge already! Take this!”

And i did.

It felt SO good! i was feeling those endorphins course through me. It did indeed feel so damn good.

And then the high subsided and the moment of realization hit. i suddenly became sober in the reality of the moment and the question of “what have i done?!” was in my head.

i thought a minute… and the next question came into my head.….“Do i HAVE to tell David?”

And the immediate answer of, “YES, of course you have to!” came right back too.

And just like that my good and bad side both started to fight saying, “No you don’t have to tell him. He never has to know.”

“But i will know.”

“It’s your body! You can reward yourself if you need it. Besides, we didn’t even think this could actually happen. You so rarely ever have a second orgasm at your own hand in quick succession.”

“But i will know.”

“And if you tell him, you’ll likely have a red bottom shortly after he is home.”

“Yes, true. But i will know.”

“And when the permanent/fitted chastity belt finally comes in, the one you can wear 24/7 if he wants you to, it will likely be glued on your puss! Then you won’t get to touch it at all!”

“Also true. But i will know. And we have an honest relationship. i knew not to do this, and i just didn’t care. Now i have to own my situation and tell him!”

So i texted him and told him.

The response i got back was, “hmm.”

i think i may regret this decision by this time tomorrow! Or maybe i already regret it now!

Hugs,

Marie

251 – Permission granted. But only to drink.

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i have to ask permission to drink.

Why? Because i get incredibly horny when i drink.

i lose all inhibitions and go after what i want. i become determined to get it too. It’s the only time i truly become aggressive. Not really in a bad way, but rather a determined way. i know what i want, i know how to get it, and i go get it!

And that doesn’t always sit so well with David. Sometimes it does please him, as he gets his cock ridden like the slut i am! But sometimes… he’s just not feeling it! So… i have to ask to drink..because why start something he may not want to finish (or deal with me being pushy about it).

Tonight, i asked to drink some red wine. It’s our favorite. David has collected bottles for a few years now, and we have a LOT of wine in our house.

After getting permission, i opened a bottle. i drank almost half of it, which was MORE than enough! i needed his cock inside me!

i sat on one couch, with my Sir on the next. He was almost laying on the couch. i saw myself stripping my clothes off. Seductively but quickly.

i walked over to him, pulled his cock out of his shorts, and sucked him hard. He continued to watch tv and allowed me to sexually turn him on. That’s when i turned myself perpendicular to him, stood on the floor and leaned backwards, like sitting in a chair. i lowered myself down to sit down on his cock. His focus on the tv never waivers. The entire time, while i impaled myself on his cock, he just kept watching tv. He felt SO damn good inside my wet cunt!

And that’s when i felt his hand move up and grab and squeeze my boob tight and hard. It was enough to encourage me to keep going!

i used my thigh muscles to pull myself up and then just drop straight down again right onto his cock. It went deep inside me. As deep as he could possibly be, so that i felt every centimeter filling me up whole! i started to move up slowly, and the down was fast and hard! i wanted to feel his cock deep . i wanted to have him fill me up. And i wanted it to hurt! There was no way it could hurt enough to offset the exquisites pleasure i was simultaneously feeling!

The only thing i now needed….. and what i really wanted was to cum …. all over that cock of my Sir. i wanted it slick with my juice. Although i really didn’t care if he orgasmed, as this was about me getting myself off with his cock instead of a stupid dildo. He was going to feel it too obviously, which made it even better yet, but this was about me. And i knew it too!

i was really just fucking myself using his cock to get there. i went faster up and harder down, with every thrust of my hips. i went as fast as i could! It made my boobs flip up and down in the process. They were flipping so much, it hurt my tits too. i didn’t care! A little bit more pain is good for me! i need to feel the pain to get the pleasure to be just that much bigger too.

i didn’t dare look at him as his eyes alone may tell me he isn’t happy i just took it upon myself to fuck him. Or am i fucking myself? i don’t even know anymore. But does it even matter? As long as he is enjoying it enough that he doesn’t stop me. i have to go faster. It may end soon, but I have to get to that O!

i am grinding hard on him now. Nothing can stop me. i am so fucking close to a huge orgasm. i know what i want and i know how to get it! A few… more… thrusts and i am there! i am exactly where i want to be….. a slut fucking her Sir’s cock and enjoying it to the fullest.

Screech…… stop.

And that’s when i have to tell you …. This is ALL a figment of my imagination, all except for the wine that it. i was drinking and i was horny as hell, and i wanted his cock in my pussy.

But i KNOW better than to assume i can go over and take what i want. That’s quite literally NEVER going to happen! If i tried to fuck my Sir like that, even “if” he would like it and even”if” i got his cock hard and even “if” i did all the work, he wouldn’t allow it to happen! If for no other reason, he would have to prove that he is in charge and he’d have to put me back in my place so he would slap my ass and make me stop right then and there. i doubt I would even get his cock hard, let alone impaling my needy cunt!

i am submissive and he is Dominant. i don’t get to take what i want. Ever. Especially when it has to do with his cock and my orgasm! That’s fucking absurd!

Fuck. i want to be fucked! i want to do all the work and he just has to sit back and allow it to happen! But… i know he won’t allow it, so i won’t feel it. And i won’t attempt it. i have zero desire to be punished, only rewarded!

After i wrote all this, David & i started to head to bed. As we were standing in the bathroom, fully clothed and i started to brush my teeth he said, “the answer is no!”

i found it amusing as i hadn’t said a word but with that, i said, “i didn’t know you knew there was a question Sir.”

He said, “of course I knew.” Neither of us actually verbalized the question but both of us knew…. The question was, “can i cum please Sir?” i mean, i wassss drinking after all!

After brushing my teeth, i decided to sleep naked. Sometimes i do that, but most of the time i don’t. He laughed and said, “you think you can do that with control? I did just say NO.”

And with that, i decided to tell him about what i thought about and wrote to you above. i didn’t tell him my assumption of how it would have really gone… with him stopping me and possibly whipping my ass even. i just told him about the sexy parts! And about me jumping on top of him. And he scoffed and said, “yeah, right. I wouldn’t have allowed that.” i guess i was right! Do i know my Sir or what?

i halfway wondered what it would take for him to order me in the belt. He didn’t order it though. Not sure if that’s good or bad. Like i said before, it’s a life vest… but it’s also a security blanket.

With that, he turned off the light and said goodnight. He left me hanging. Wet and horny and nowhere to go! Maybe tomorrow.

Hugs,

Marie

249 – Loaded and then locked.

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Now that we are again healthy, we are getting back to our normal 24/7 D/s lifestyle. We don’t do this D/s lifestyle just for kink or sex, but instead ALL the time in kink/sex AND also all other times too. i would say that the vanilla/nonsexual times are where i have been practicing some of my best submission because it is easy to be submissive in sexual times, but requires a lot more active and intentional submission in nonsexual times.

And then there is the chastity belt.

Chastity is a crossover. It’s neither sexual or nonsexual, but it’s not NOT sexual or nonsexual. It’s a weird in between both sexual and nonsexual at the same time. The entire job for the chastity belt is the restriction of sex while not in a sexual scene. It’s intentionally forcing a nonsexual position onto a (possible) otherwise sex position.

In fact, the best use of the chastity belt is to ensure there is NO sex when it is NOT time for it. And for me, that’s seriously needed. i have a love affair with myself… well, sort of. i mean, i do have a self love, but that is something everyone should have. The true love i have and am speaking of is the natural high i that comes over me when i orgasm. i truly don’t care how i achieve it, as long as i do!

That natural high that comes when my body goes over the edge after all the blood rushes to my clit and it throbs with excitement, floods with wetness, and the endorphins that overtake me is truly a feeling i seek out as much as i can!

i love, need, and seek out that high! In fact, i’d say i have an addiction to it.

i crave it. And when i can’t go over that edge, i begin to find ways to get it. i especially want it when i am not allowed to.

Orgasm is an explicitly stated forbidden fruit. i can eat of any other fruit, except the fruit of orgasm. Orgasm is allowed only with permission.

And when David is out of town, i do NOT have permission. Yet, i want it! Can you blame me? The high that comes when those endorphins release just takes away all the stress, all the problems, and it’s all natural too. Who wouldn’t want that?!?

But i want to be a good submissive wife. Really, i do! i want to follow the directives given to me. Besides, getting that Orgasm illicitly isn’t ever as nice as when it comes with permission.

All that said….. because we had to take a break from chastity belt training with our vacations and illnesses, i am out of practice now. So as David left out of town, it was not mandated to wear it. In fact, we haven’t gotten to the mandate of “wear it any time i am not in his presence,” but i think when the custom belt comes in that is exactly where we will go and especially with more practice under our belt again. (See the pun there…… under the belt?! lol)

So a small side squirrel trail…. for a LOT of years, David (and every other partner who has ever been with me), has told me my pussy is “very tight.” On some level, tight is good. But then there’s the “very” tight level, making it a squeeze for a cock to feel comfortable in. When a cock is squeezed out of a space it should be welcomed into and call home is never any good!

Soooo when some women are busy strengthening their kegel muscles, i am regularly working to stretch my muscles out! i have read that when used, stretched, and forced to relax, the muscles will eventually loosen up permanently. i’d say i have made a bit of progress over the years, but it’s been a thing with me for a long time and will probably be a thing forever actually.

i have become quite creative with the stretching exercises over the years. i find lots of things in the house that are primed to go up inside the hole and hold it open for a bit of time. But the best thing is always a compact dildo, that i can keep inside me and wear under my clothes for any length of time needed or desired.

This stretching process causes me to play with myself .. which leads to being turned on… which leads me to want to go after that big Orgasm.

So that brings me to today. David is out of town. He knows i stretch my pussy and not only does he approve it, he encourages it. (He likes having my puss as his cock’s warm and inviting home!)

With him away, i decided to take some pics of his pussy, stuffed with a dildo, and send to him. He loved the pics, but he proceeded to ask, “and has my pussy orgasmed?”

i spoke the truth, “No Sir”.

“Do you want it to?”

And i spoke truth again, “OH Yes! Sir, may i orgasm?”

“No.”

Ugh! Maybe if i ask nicely…..

“Pleaseeeee Sir?!?”

“I said no, I meant no. In fact, put the chastity belt on. And send me a picture of that when it’s on!”

“Yes Sir.”

And then there came one more text…. “And be sure to leave the dildo inside.”

What?

“Sir, i would like to clarify. Are you telling me to lock myself up, with the dildo inside too?”

“Yes. That is what you need to do.”

Oh my.

So i did.

He then said, “good girl. I’ll let you know when it can come off. And if you think it needs to come off before that, ask nicely and it may be allowed. But don’t orgasm as that is not allowed!”

i am now sitting here fully loaded … and absolutely locked in…. until further notice. As i sit here as the horny little slut i am, desperately wanting to orgasm, with no ability to do so in any way… in a (non-sexual) chastity belt moment.

But i can’t tell a lie, i truly LOVE being locked up and not being allowed to orgasm and submitting to my loving Dominant husband!

And David is home this time tomorrow…. 🥰

Hugs,

Marie