249 – Loaded and then locked.

Now that we are again healthy, we are getting back to our normal 24/7 D/s lifestyle. We don’t do this D/s lifestyle just for kink or sex, but instead ALL the time in kink/sex AND also all other times too. i would say that the vanilla/nonsexual times are where i have been practicing some of my best submission because it is easy to be submissive in sexual times, but requires a lot more active and intentional submission in nonsexual times.

And then there is the chastity belt.

Chastity is a crossover. It’s neither sexual or nonsexual, but it’s not NOT sexual or nonsexual. It’s a weird in between both sexual and nonsexual at the same time. The entire job for the chastity belt is the restriction of sex while not in a sexual scene. It’s intentionally forcing a nonsexual position onto a (possible) otherwise sex position.

In fact, the best use of the chastity belt is to ensure there is NO sex when it is NOT time for it. And for me, that’s seriously needed. i have a love affair with myself… well, sort of. i mean, i do have a self love, but that is something everyone should have. The true love i have and am speaking of is the natural high i that comes over me when i orgasm. i truly don’t care how i achieve it, as long as i do!

That natural high that comes when my body goes over the edge after all the blood rushes to my clit and it throbs with excitement, floods with wetness, and the endorphins that overtake me is truly a feeling i seek out as much as i can!

i love, need, and seek out that high! In fact, i’d say i have an addiction to it.

i crave it. And when i can’t go over that edge, i begin to find ways to get it. i especially want it when i am not allowed to.

Orgasm is an explicitly stated forbidden fruit. i can eat of any other fruit, except the fruit of orgasm. Orgasm is allowed only with permission.

And when David is out of town, i do NOT have permission. Yet, i want it! Can you blame me? The high that comes when those endorphins release just takes away all the stress, all the problems, and it’s all natural too. Who wouldn’t want that?!?

But i want to be a good submissive wife. Really, i do! i want to follow the directives given to me. Besides, getting that Orgasm illicitly isn’t ever as nice as when it comes with permission.

All that said….. because we had to take a break from chastity belt training with our vacations and illnesses, i am out of practice now. So as David left out of town, it was not mandated to wear it. In fact, we haven’t gotten to the mandate of “wear it any time i am not in his presence,” but i think when the custom belt comes in that is exactly where we will go and especially with more practice under our belt again. (See the pun there…… under the belt?! lol)

So a small side squirrel trail…. for a LOT of years, David (and every other partner who has ever been with me), has told me my pussy is “very tight.” On some level, tight is good. But then there’s the “very” tight level, making it a squeeze for a cock to feel comfortable in. When a cock is squeezed out of a space it should be welcomed into and call home is never any good!

Soooo when some women are busy strengthening their kegel muscles, i am regularly working to stretch my muscles out! i have read that when used, stretched, and forced to relax, the muscles will eventually loosen up permanently. i’d say i have made a bit of progress over the years, but it’s been a thing with me for a long time and will probably be a thing forever actually.

i have become quite creative with the stretching exercises over the years. i find lots of things in the house that are primed to go up inside the hole and hold it open for a bit of time. But the best thing is always a compact dildo, that i can keep inside me and wear under my clothes for any length of time needed or desired.

This stretching process causes me to play with myself .. which leads to being turned on… which leads me to want to go after that big Orgasm.

So that brings me to today. David is out of town. He knows i stretch my pussy and not only does he approve it, he encourages it. (He likes having my puss as his cock’s warm and inviting home!)

With him away, i decided to take some pics of his pussy, stuffed with a dildo, and send to him. He loved the pics, but he proceeded to ask, “and has my pussy orgasmed?”

i spoke the truth, “No Sir”.

“Do you want it to?”

And i spoke truth again, “OH Yes! Sir, may i orgasm?”


Ugh! Maybe if i ask nicely…..

“Pleaseeeee Sir?!?”

“I said no, I meant no. In fact, put the chastity belt on. And send me a picture of that when it’s on!”

“Yes Sir.”

And then there came one more text…. “And be sure to leave the dildo inside.”


“Sir, i would like to clarify. Are you telling me to lock myself up, with the dildo inside too?”

“Yes. That is what you need to do.”

Oh my.

So i did.

He then said, “good girl. I’ll let you know when it can come off. And if you think it needs to come off before that, ask nicely and it may be allowed. But don’t orgasm as that is not allowed!”

i am now sitting here fully loaded … and absolutely locked in…. until further notice. As i sit here as the horny little slut i am, desperately wanting to orgasm, with no ability to do so in any way… in a (non-sexual) chastity belt moment.

But i can’t tell a lie, i truly LOVE being locked up and not being allowed to orgasm and submitting to my loving Dominant husband!

And David is home this time tomorrow…. 🥰




  1. Well as a honest and dutiful wife and lover, you are being truthful to yourself and to David, I’m sure he’ll full right into your arms and treat you as you deserve. Being apart makes you long for those loving arms and his authority. Sir

    • Azpop1, Thank you for your kind words. I pray you are right – him into my arms, as I know I’ll fall into his. ❤️. Marie

  2. Your devotion to being deeply submissive Is sooo very impressive to me.. I admire your deep devotion and commitment and how far you have come in the last 3 years. . Even when David put the paddle down for several months you were determined to continue to be his in every way.
    Reading this blog has been a wonderful education for me. To grow in submission in ups and downs and highs and lows. I wonder if maybe you should write a book about it.
    Anyway you’re my favorite writer on this subject. Thank you for this post!

    • Paddlefan,
      Thank you. I’ve actually given some thought to doing a “how to be submissive” type thing, but I’m not sure I’m really an expert on anything other than my own ways! I dunno. You make me smile with your comments though for sure, and I’m flattered to being your fav writer too! ❤️. Marie

  3. OOOOhhhh, I love the idea of your tiny wee vagina being stuffed full for (at least 🙂 ) the next 24 hours until David gets home. Sleep with it, chores with it, shopping with it, thinking of us thinking of you with it… you are going to be a hot mess by tomorrow!

    • Merksmith, that is an apt description of the state of affairs for me! I’m literally right now at a restaurant eating dinner with my son…. After buying school supplies with him also, while in chastity, stuffed full! Feeling it intently! Marie.

  4. Respectfully, I think that you lead him to these ends. You have said before that you want things to be his idea. I think that you are still leading. The chastity belt was what you wanted. After you received it, you even wrote that he wasn’t entirely feeling that it was a good thing. Marie, you have fretted about topping from the bottom but I think that you still do. He backed off before but started to come around but you said that you would let it be his idea. I think that these are your ideas again

    • msjacquot, maybe she is but I think that in any worthwhile relationship each party needs to get (and must work to get) what they individually need. For whatever reason many of us end up in relationships where the other is not a natural (eg top to a bottom) but that if both parties are willing it can work. My wife is not naturally dominant but she knows what I need and is prepared to help… but there is quite a bit of topping from the bottom…
      In all instances we know what is happening and its ok…

  5. Msjacquot, I’m not seeing it the way you are, but of course, I’m in the midst of it, so perhaps I’m not seeing the forest for the trees too. I won’t say you are wrong, as another perspective is always appreciated too. That said, while I did initially want the belt and David didn’t see the point of the belt, he has changed his mind now. That’s why the fitted, expensive Chastity belt is on order as it was his doing. He has told me he’s looking forward to having more control over me being locked/unlocked at his discretion too. (We both agree that being let out of it will be a privilege, but an expectation.). I was pretty surprised when he ordered it on yesterday though too, as it hasn’t been on at all in (about) a month now. And I thought he’d like seeing the sexy (slut) pictures of his pussy. Instead, he ordered it covered up. So maybe initially, many months ago when I first asked/ordered the first chastity belt it was all me and none of him, but now I think things have changed too. In general terms though, I’d say no topping at all is hard too. Because a certain amount of it involves me just expressing preferences or opinions, but where I think the difference lies is how those preferences are communicated. Giving him the ultimate decision making authority, and accepting that decision, is where I’m trying to stay within the lines. All that said, calling me out on topping is appreciated as I really don’t want to go back there if I can help it. Hugs, Marie

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