Tag: topping from the bottom

232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

Written by Marie on May 17, 2022. Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 232 – W-H-Y Top from the Bottom??

i mentioned in the last post about Topping-from-the-Bottom. i want to talk more about that now…

First, what is it?

Next, why would anyone do it?

Last, why did i do it?

So let’s start with “what is it?”

Pure and simple, it is a submissive (a bottom) telling a a dominant (a top) how to do their job. Think of it like “a backseat driver”, where the sub isn’t driving but tells the Dom, who is driving, how to do it.

And why would anyone do it?

Well, i never set out to do it. i seriously doubt any submissive does. It just did. It just happened. To a large degree, it happened subconsciously actually. And even when i did realize it, i justified it.

i said stuff like, “how else would he know how i feel if i don’t tell him?” And “he doesn’t know my limits or what i like or don’t, if i don’t speak up.”

While those things are absolutely true, the problem comes when i stop telling him how i feel or about what i like (or don’t like), and begin telling him what he should do or not do with that information.

While not trying to justify it at all, i’d tell you that the latter part (telling him what to do or not), just came as a side effect of the first part. First i would say “i would like xyz.” Then it expanded into, “you know, you could do that right now.” And further moved into, “if you want to see how i will respond, let’s do it now and we can test how far it can go.” And ultimately ended with, “that was nice… let’s do it again tomorrow.” So in effect, i ended up telling him how to do his job, instead of letting him decide what to do (if anything) with that information.

So while it was a suggestion of what he should do, it ended up being more of a command or an order too!

Exactly why did i do it?

Well, as i said before, it was unintentional. i thought since this whole D/s relationship with DD was my idea, that i should tell him about some of the things he could or should do, how to keep me in line, and how to be Dominant. What i didn’t really stop to think about was that maybe he has ideas of his own, and my ideas are … well… irrelevant.

B-U-T …. Now…… things have to change….

This morning, i played out an entire scenario in my head. In the past, i would have acted on it and told David. Today though, i am opting to tell you instead of him. Because while i want to break myself of the nasty habit of being a topper, i need to tell someone what i’d love to tell him! Tag, you are IT!

So yesterday i told you that i told him about how i will always be his submissive wife, regardless if he is my Dominant husband or just my Vanilla husband. His response was a bit of surprise, and then it seemed he forgot about it. i somehow doubt he did actually forget, but he didn’t outwardly tell me he was still thinking about it either.

So as i was dressing this morning, i “imagined” a scenario that i really wanted to happen.

i really wanted him to hold me accountable. i wanted to tell him to hold me accountable. But i did not. i know i can’t. i know if or when the time is right, he will act on his own free will.

But if i could telepathically send subliminal messages to him… i just may try!

It all started as i was drying my hair. In the nude. Like i do daily already. i get my hair all done and set. Then i dress.

i went to the closet and picked a dress. i did not put on a bra, as i (mostly) never do. But i did put on a thong pair of panties, which i know he does not care for.

That’s when i started to dream up what could happen next…..

i imagined him coming into the bathroom and pulling my dress up, to feel what belongs to him, and finding it covered with panties. And him saying, “So being my submissive wife doesn’t include panties. Right?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then why am I finding these here?”

“i didn’t think you’d notice…. [or care enough to go looking…. And if you did look, you wouldn’t call me out on it.]”

“While you may think I don’t care, you would be wrong. Go lie on the bed and get into position. It’s been a very long time and way overdue, but you do indeed need to be reminded about what a good submissive for me looks like,” he said [in my thoughts].

He continued, “Don’t take anything off, including the shoes. Just get into position and I’ll do the rest.”

i heard the drawer opening. i knew the paddle was being pulled out. It hasn’t left it’s space in so many months, i was equal parts fearful of the pain i was about to feel and excited about being reacquainted with it.

He pulled my dress up over my ass and flopped it onto my back, partially covering my head. He laid the paddle on my ass, even with the thong still on and lying between me and the paddle.

In continuous and smooth succession motions, he proceeded to deliver 10-tight, hard, and intentional swats to my ass. While my ass was so quickly feeling the sting, i think it was the shock to my mind that was more intense than the physical spanking was. When he was done, he laid the paddle back on my ass and told me not to move. i was grateful to be able to lay there another minute and just breathe. Just take it all in.

He went to the bathroom, i heard drawers opening and closing, and he returned. He said, “up on all 4’s now. Spread your legs and let me see your ass.”

i did as i was told. That’s when i felt his finger loop underneath my thong panties and pull them to the side, and the tip of the anal plug press at that opening.

He asked me, “are you really ready to renter the world of submission?”

i told him, “i have never left Sir.”

And in one swift motion, he pressed the plug all the way in deep. And i heard him speak a single word, “Good!” as he did pressed it in place.

i haven’t worn a plug in as many months either, so it was a tight fit. He let go of my panties, threw my dress back down into place, and sat me upright. His hand came to my chin and said, “that’s my good girl. Remember who you belong to. And this time, don’t tell me how to do my job. Off you go to work now!”

When i smiled at him, he smiled back and leaned in and kissed me.

All was right in my world…..

Screechhhhhhh………

Until i realized or came to terms with the fact that all that was in my head and none of that was reality.

Instead, i finished getting dressed and packed up to leave for work. As i was heading out the door, i greeted him and said i was off to work, and he said, “have a great day. I love you!”

i know he does. And because i also love him, i told him so, but i didn’t tell him anything about my fantasy imagination of what may-have-been this morning. (In the past i would have!).

So at this moment, he has no idea of what is (or not) on my body under this dress. He has no idea that i am braless, as he desires. But that i do have a thong on, as the way he does NOT desire. While i did not wear a plug to work, he doesn’t know i even thought about it. He doesn’t know what went on in my head today. And i won’t tell him either, unless of course, he asks…… Which, unless my telepathic connection improves dramatically, is not too likely either.

One day at a time. Letting him be him and me be me is where i need to rest and allow it to unfold as it should…. Not as i want it to be.

And maybe one day, i won’t be a top-from-the -bottom submissive but just a submissive. And he will be a top-as-he-wants-to Dom – vanilla or otherwise! Until then, my fantasies will continue in my head and on this blog….

(No, i am not upset about any of this being my current reality…. Life is too short to feel sad/guilt/sorrow. i enjoy it as it comes, and you should too! And while i can’t deny that i would much prefer to be on the same page with David – in a D/s relationship – forcing it only goes so far and only works for so long. Time will tell where this goes, but what i do know is we have been together for 25+ years at this point and that will continue!)

Hugs,

Marie

156 – The Big NO-NO!

Written by Marie on December 15, 2020. Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 156 – The Big NO-NO!

In DD or D/s relationships, there aren’t many “official” rules…. it’s what you make it. But just like a traditional relationship, there are a few unwritten rules that are generally followed by most people in the practice too.

And if or when you break a Cardinal Rule, and you blog about it, you should fully expect to be called out on it too. (Ok, so maybe the blogging and being called out part is just applicable to me….. and i am A-ok with that!)

What is this big No-No i am speaking specifically about?

TOPPING FROM THE BOTTOM. Or said more plainly, telling your Dominant how to be Dominant. Or even just telling your Dom what to do at all.

Submissives are expected to…. well….. submit. We are NOT in charge. So telling my Sir how or when or what to do is…. a BIG NO-NO!

That is THE Cardinal Rule that David & i talked about yesterday. But we decided to change the rules. We have agreed to intentionally break this rule.

i have permission to TOP FROM THE BOTTOM. For awhile. Temporarily. And just exactly how long? i don’t really know. At this point, i am assuming it will be, “Until told otherwise.”

So we have changed our DD or D/s relationship dynamic to refresh, renew, and update it. For awhile anyway.

There are so many questions running through my head, and maybe yours too… like: why, how will that work, are you still the submissive or are you switching, what is the goal, and and and……. ok, slow down. Let’s take these one at a time……

W-H-Y?

Primarily because we have been in a funk. Our DD just hasn’t been working as intended. It needs a tune-up. Just like anything in life, it works …. until it doesn’t. Take your car for example. It runs well when you keep it well oiled, lubed, maintained. (So talking about oiled and lubed gets me all wet down there.. but i digress!). But the minute you don’t do those things, it falls apart and requires a major overhaul.

That’s about where we’ve been, in need of a major overhaul. And this is our immediate solution.

Additionally, David has known for a very long time that my mind is more creative than his. He is a very straightforward and “what you see is what you get” kinda person. NO, he is NOT dumb or a robot or anything that bad …. he does have a brain and he knows how to use it. But he is a very firm and solid Type A person. Whereas i am a mostly Type A, but also have some Type B creativity also.

So because of my creative mind, over the couple of years of doing DD, i have made many suggestions of things we should do or could implement into our dynamic. (i was the one to ask for this dynamic and to be spanked from the start.). And as such, some have told me, that i TOP FROM THE BOTTOM… and frankly, to an extent, i would agree. But now, i have permission to do it intentionally too!

H-O-W WILL THAT WORK?

So i talked to David about this. i told him i struggle with this. That i struggle in my ability to not tell him how to do his job. And sometimes i feel like i fail (to keep my mouth shut) and/or he fails (to Dominate me effectively)…. which then makes me feel like i fail all over again (to submit to his leadership.. even if i think it’s not quite 100%). Ultimately… it mostly leads to me feeling a lot of failure. And i don’t like that feeling.

i have SO many thoughts in my head about how he can be a better Dom, enforce our Dynamic more, and it would keep us from sliding so far away from how we want to be. And if he did these things, i would submit even more and even better… and we would not have failure or backsliding or fights. Or at least not as much.

i literally said, “But i know i am the submissive and telling my Dom what to do is…. A BIG NO-NO.”

He said, “well, I can see why you feel this way, but remember that ultimately I make the rules and I am now telling you that I want to know more of what is in your head … at least for awhile. I want you to tell me, out loud (not in text), at the moment it applies, how you think I should respond to a situation. I may not do exactly what you say or want me too, because I am ultimately in charge.”

He continued, “But never forget that I am ultimately still your Dom and you will always be my submissive. You are not dominating me, and as such you don’t ever get to discipline me. I am still in control. You can tell me what’s in your head about how you think I should treat or say or discipline you. And I want you to tell me what you think at the time you think it… uncensored. I may just implement your words or thoughts, but I may not. You need to respect that.”

Me: Yes Sir.

W-H-O is the DOM now??

He went on a bit further to say, “I expect your thoughts mostly call for me to be stricter with you. So you should prepare yourself for that inevitable end. I fully expect I will likely implement your ideas at that very moment. And you may not like it.”

Me: “It sounds like i will be switching from submissive to dominant… on myself. I will be co-dominating me with you for a bit.”

(Does this make me the little i or now the Big I? Nah… i will always be the little i…. i know i am a submissive at heart. Just helping my Dom know my limits, know how strict is too strict, how strict isn’t enough? But i won’t be the Big I at all.)

Him: “in a sense that is exactly what will happen. But remember that in the end, I am still your ultimate dominant and your ideas – or switching from sub to Dom – is just that…. an idea. Unless I decide it is something to implement now.”

He then said, “but it will help me to better know what you think would be a good solution to a problem or what your limits truly are.“

W-H-A-T is the ultimate goal?

In essence, we will have a lot better communication. If i am more or less required to tell him how i think, at the time i think it, we will have a lot more communication. David will have a much better understanding of what i think is a successful Dom, and what i will respond to best.

If David knows what i respond to best, he will be a better Dom and i would also be a better submissive.

i am a bit worried though…. will i be creating and molding him into what I want or what he wants? Will my switching lead to me being an island of one? Will I just have a split personality and start submitting to myself? Will he become that robot that i push the buttons and he does as i say?

i don’t think so.

i think we will be better than ever… and always together. But time will tell.

Now i am off to find some sexy Non-blanket-Winter covering to wear to bed! (i have Dom ideas of what he should say to me about this too…. next post!)

Hugs,

Marie

86 – out of town

Written by Marie on July 12, 2020. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 86 – out of town

Our son is going out of town tomorrow for an overnight trip to the beach with friends. i hope Sir uses me to the best of his ability while our son is gone.

But it’s times like this that i get my hopes up, get all excited… get things in my own head (!!!) that are not in his. And i don’t exactly know how to tell him without topping from the bottom… but if i don’t find some way to tell him, i’ll likely end up being squirrelly-cranky by the end, which is likely to cause problems.

Pre-DD solutions……

And those “problems” in the past would have probably led to a fight. i can hear it in my head now….

David: How was I to know T-H-A-T was what you wanted? Did you tell me?

Me: No, I didn’t tell you, but I assumed you’d know. And if you didn’t just know, when I dressed with practically nothing on that it would attract your eye. Or at the very least, you’d ask why I was dressed (or not) the way I was.

David: I’m NOT a mind reader!

Me: And how exactly should I say, “hey, use me now?”

David: Just like that!

Me: Yes, but I wanted you to want me. Not me telling you to want (and use) me!

David: whatever. You are impossible to please!

(And now we use the silent treatment on one another for awhile and at some point apologize and it’s never discussed again. Leaving me disappointed, frustrated, and somewhat bitter that T-H-I-S wasn’t what I wanted at all!)

*** did you notice that David was not my Sir? Did you notice I was capitalized?

Post–DD solutions…..

Problems…. if i don’t find a way to tell him and he doesn’t think to use me and i do get squirrelly-crazy … this is how the problem would be solved:

Sir: How was I to know T-H-A-T was what you wanted? Did you tell me?

Me: No Sir, i didn’t tell you, but i assumed you’d know. And if you didn’t just know, when i dressed with practically nothing on that it would attract your eye. Or at the very least, you’d ask why i was dressed (or not) the way i was.

(Now to this point, it is exactly the same as before.. except now he’s my Sir and i am little)

Sir: So i have a few things to say and you will listen.

Me: Yes Sir.

Sir: 1st, I am not a mind reader. 2nd, you know you are to dress sexy for me and in a way I like so that’s nothing new. 3rd, i have enjoyed seeing you in less clothing since it’s been unnecessary but I chose to look and enjoy in my way. As such, I have used you! And 4th and last, go assume the position because this assuming that you did, tell-me-after-the-fact how you feel, cranky attitude is never how we deal things now. If you’d found a way to N-O-T assume and to instead speak up earlier than now, this would not be ending this way. I’ll be there in a minute and you should be ready.

Me: Yes Sir

(Notice how he’s firmly in control, i am not, and the rules are pretty clear… and so are the consequences? And most importantly no fighting! And no lingering crankiness, grumpy, sulking ways.)

Back to now……

So knowing all this above… how do i tell him now to use me more than just for eye candy in the next 2-days rather than be sulky and lead to a red ass at the end … without topping from the bottom too? (i seriously struggle with this!)

Suggestions readily accepted…. but make it quick! (key is quick since this alone-time starts tomorrow!)

Hugs,

Marie

71 – 21 times to change a habit – that’s the goal!

Written by Marie on June 28, 2020. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 71 – 21 times to change a habit – that’s the goal!

Most people have heard the phrase “it takes 21-days to change a habit”. Whether that’s fact or fiction remains unproven really, either way, David decided i am going to do a task this week 21-times without failing.

What is that task?

Edging. NO orgasm allowed. At least not by my hand. And i am not allowed to ask him to do it either. He may decide to touch me or allow me to orgasm on his own, but it will be at his decision and not mine.

i do NOT like edging. IT SUCKS! It sucks because it feels SOOOOO good… and yet requires absolute control. It is just Goal-oriented and not Pleasure-oriented. And absolutely NO indulging. NO losing myself in the sensations and the good vibe feelings it creates.

3 times a day for one solid week. Twenty-one times. In 7-days.

NO exceptions.

NO ability to NOT do it ….. or worse…. NO ability to go over the edge without him knowing because he is requiring every session to be either on video or in his presence. NO exceptions. At all.

He made it clear that i am truly expected to go TO-THE-EDGE….

And if it means i have to stop and restart again, just to ensure i go to the edge, i am to push my ability to GO-TO-THE-VERY-EDGE!

Twenty-one times in seven days. NO going over the edge. NO exceptions.

THIS is my GOAL for the next 7-days, 21- times. Goal-oriented. NOT pleasure-oriented.

When i asked, “what if i misjudge the edge and go over?”

i was told, “severe punishment will ensue. And then you’ll start the 21-times all over again until you accomplish this task successfully. And since you will want to orgasm pretty badly by the end, I am confident you can do this!”

(i’m certainly glad at least one of us is confident!)

Now you may be asking, “what prompted THIS?”

Ever since getting my nips pierced, i have been SO sex’d up and feeling SO turned on… that i have NEEDED Sir to allow me to orgasm. And he’s annoyed by this. Too much. i pushed his limits!

i haven’t exactly been submissive about it either. Yesterday i wore a dress and no panties… i was feeling SO needy i “conveniently” lifted my dress when he was on the couch, and my puss just happened to end up rubbing right up against his hand… and i smiled seductively and said, “do you want to use me?”

i got a big-fat- NO. And he swatted my clit and said, “you need to stop”. OUCH!… physical and mental!

And i went to bed without being touched or satisfied. Truly i thought it was done though because he didn’t act like it was anymore than that. But i was wrong.

This morning… he announced “this week we will teach you a lesson. You need to recognize that I know I can touch you anytime I want. But it is when I want, not when you want. YOU are not in control. You know this, but you don’t always show or act like it. And after yesterday’s stunt, you clearly need to learn to control your sexual desires. I love it when you dress sexy and give me serious eye candy, but I don’t like it when you push yourself on me like you did. That’s too demanding and completely unnecessary.. and clearly NOT the submissive that we both know (and love) that you are. You need to be patient and wait for me to be the one to satisfy you, at a time when it satisfies me!”

And that’s when he told me my task for the week. That my sexual needs will now be amped up at my own hand…. before my sexual needs are satisfied at the end of 7-successful days at his hand (or tongue or cock). And that’s when i’ll get to orgasm. And not until then.

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir for the discipline and showing me you love me enough to want to help me do better. i love you Sir.”

“I love you too my sweetheart. Now go be a good girl and start your first edging for the day.”

Yes Sir.

i sure hope my goal is met in JUST 7-days!

i’ll let you know just how frustrated i do indeed get this week… this will be a very long week!

Hugs,

Marie

8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Written by Marie on September 18, 2018. Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 8 – How did i get here anyway? AND…It’s a Struggle… a 2-fer.

Hello ~

Fair warning – this is a longggg post. But it is a 2-fer really.

First, i want to give you some of my backstory. How did i get to this place?

Second, its a struggle. This submission thing is both what i want, and not. And, well, its a struggle. Yes, a struggle, after just a couple of days ago how i told you my Thoughts on Submission. Wanting to submit and actually doing it aren’t always one in the same.

SO – STORY #1 – MY BACKSTORY.

To date, i haven’t given you ‘that much’ information about ME and my husband. But i want to now.

We’ve been married for 17 years. We met at work. We are both in the same profession. He was my boss when i started working there. (i suppose he was ‘in charge’ of me from the beginning!) i worked there for 9-months when we started dating. Our firm sent us out of town on a project for 3-weeks where we ate, drank, and …got merry! (MERRY not MARRY…. not yet anyway.)

We dated for 5-years. A longgg 5-years and i doubted whether he was going to marry me and i ended up giving him an ultimatum. Obviously, he conceded and we were married shortly thereafter.

And from there, life got boring. We changed jobs and no longer worked together. We had a kid. Only one. And life was even more mundane. We both thought, “This is ALL there is?” and we became your average American family with a 2-story house, picket fence, and a dog.

The “American Dream” … right? What more could a girl want?!?

Well… looks can be deceiving.

At about our 10-year anniversary, neither of us was “all that happy” (and a bag of chips). We were just going through the motions. And something had to change or else we would either die young (boredom) or end up divorced.

That’s when we started talking about having a 3-some (with a woman). And from there, we talked about becoming swingers. And we did it ….all. Yes, i consider myself bi-sexual now also. But we don’t have any ‘regulars’ we see… not yet anyway. (In another post, i’ll give you some salacious details!)

The more we explored, the more i wanted to do. He was happy with a 3-some (of course he was, what man wouldn’t want 2-women?!). But i found myself wanting to be controlled. i wanted him to tell me what to do.

It basically started as a fantasy… and mostly just a sexual one. i really thought i was a masochist for the longest time. And when i “casually mentioned” this to my husband, he was like, “NO, I can NOT beat you!! I was raised to respect women” And i was like, “But i WANT you to.” And while i think he just basically thought i was crazy… i REALLY think he thought that this was a “phase” that i was going through. That the fantasy sounded good, but the reality wouldn’t be.

Fast forward a bit. About 2-years ago, i found the website for really kinky people and i decided to register. My profile says “I’m a married female, on here with consent from my husband. I want a Dom and while he doesn’t feel that’s something he can do, he supports my endeavor to find one.” And all that was true. i talked to him first. And he agreed to the site, the posting wording, and as long as he knew where i was and who i was with at all times when i met someone… then i had his blessings. (Safety first. That was his concern).

This is the point he started to take me seriously though too. If i was willing to do all this, maybe i did want this from someone. And if he wasn’t willing or able to give it to me, i was willing to go get it. i never did find anyone that i was brave enough to actually meet …. stories of rape, abuse, and kidnapping scared me so much that i just couldn’t ACTUALLY bring myself to GO MEET “HIM” (or HER).

WELL – so how did we bridge this gap?

Our dog LOVES to bark. We’ve tried everything to get her to stop. And we finally bought her a shock collar that we shock her and she FINALLY stops. It is run from a plug-in Rechargeable battery and you are now wondering, “HOW did we get to talking about the DOG and HOW does that get us to a DD relationship” (Bear with me 1-more minute!)

The collar went ‘dead’ and needed to be recharged a little more than a week ago. So i plugged it in and waited (bark, bark, bark going on the entire time i waited!). It was FINALLY time to put it back on her.

And when David got home from work, he said, “I see you put her collar back on.” To which I replied, “YES, a collar is a good thing!” and he said, “Is it now?” and i said, “YES! Absolutely!” And at this point, i think he knew i wasn’t talking about the dog collar.

He went to the (home) office computer and started typing. And i figured out he was doing something “secretive” so i didn’t bother him. (Maybe he was finding us a hot babe for another hot 3-some!)

A couple of days later, we have a delivery. He tells me to “Come here now!” and i do. He has a collar for ME! He put it on and i LOVED it! i was surprised at it. And he said, “WOW, I think I could’ve bought you a car and you wouldn’t be THIS happy!” He also said, “You are MINE! And I really see NO reason for you to take this collar off. Do you?” and I responded with, “No Sir!”.

i didn’t know for sure if this was the start of him REALLY being my Dom, but i prayed about it. i was hoping! i literally prayed, “Lord, let him be the head of our house. Let him have his way and not mine. Help him to lead us according to your will and to hear you clearly. Help me to submit to my husband”.

Finding Domestic Discipline (DD). Up until this point, i didn’t even actually KNOW about DD. i got SO turned on by the collar, i went to my ipad and typed into a Google search, “Submitting to my husband” and the first thing that came up was “Domestic Discipline.” I read a lot about it that night.

THAT was when i realized, i’m not reallyyyyy a masochist. i’m a submissive wanting to submit to my husband, have consequences for NOT doing so, and well, have domestic discipline. Domestic discipline is about spanking. But not just that. Discipline can come in many forms. But that’s all really for another post!

i showed my husband what i found and asked him to research it too.

And the VERY NEXT DAY… he told me to buy a paddle and be ready to have it used. i thought, “WOAH, we are REALLY doing this!!”

… and THAT my friends is “How I got here in the first place!”

Which brings me to Story #2 –

IT’S A STRUGGLE

Submission. i want to do it. i really do. But i’m struggling. Let me (try to) explain.

With ALL that backstory (that is absolutely true) up until this point, everything i reallyyyyy knew about Submission or Domination or Domestic Discipline or Masochism or BDSM (any other ‘or’s i’ve missed?!?) – was ALL IN MY HEAD. Meaning, i have read a lot, talked a lot, but not DONE a lot.

None of it was actually played out in real life. If you count ‘talking to someone online or text’ as playing it out in real life, then yes, i suppose i’ve had at least a real life experience. But other than THAT, nothing. So i don’t really know what it means to submit or be spanked or to say things like, “Yes Sir.”

And well, the internet is completely true…. and all those erotic stories i’ve read… those are all true too. And that’s exactly how all this will play out in real-life too. RIGHT?!?!

So i’ve crafted this whole “IDEA” of how all this dominance/submission and spanking was supposed to go. Frankly, it is so well crafted that it could be my own real-life-movie where i’m the star of the show and my husband says his lines and plays his part. All i had to do was give him the script!

And that’s basically what i tried to do. That’s why i’m “Topping from the Bottom”. You know, where i tell you how to dominate me and you do what i say?!?! THAT was what i envisioned. Oh it wasn’t intentional, but is the reality of the situation too.

WHAT I GOT was a TRUE SIR. My husband, David, is coming into his own. He took my ‘Advice and ideas’ for about a week. And NOW, he’s told me to SUBMIT and let HIM dominate. That i’m too bossy. That i need to understand that submission doesn’t mean tell him what to do. It is the other way around. And whether it is according to my ‘script’ or not, he doesn’t care.

SO – NOW – I’m struggling. You’d think i’d be happy. RIGHT? Well, i am actually. BUT i’m not sure how to “DO” this submission thing. It sure looked easy watching the porn, in my books, on the internet, but now … this is ‘real life’ … and it’s not really following the scripts that i laid out.

Sir is doing an amazing job. i’m SO thrilled and impressed at his desire to lead. (Today he told me he wouldn’t hesitate to turn me over his knee in public or in front of my sister, if the time comes where that it is needed).

i don’t suppose i’ll ever really know what made him buy me the collar. i won’t know what ever convinced him that i truly do want this. i won’t know how we got from ‘there’ to ‘here’. BUT – i do know – i have to throw away the script and let him do what he was born to do – LEAD and DOMINATE.

Life shouldn’t be so scripted anyway – maybe that’s why we were just an “average American family” and yet – bored. i don’t want to go back to that life. i need to just relax and let him do what he’s meant to do – LEAD. But i have to learn how too.

And to remember all i REALLY have to do is – SUBMIT…. respect, obey, and did i say submit (??) … all in a way that is pleasing to HIM!

i’ll do better tomorrow, i promise…. Sir!

Hugs ~

Marie