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Tag: orgasm denial

246 – I deserve this, damn it! – Fiction

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 246 – I deserve this, damn it! – Fiction

Sir has had to work a lot lately. He’s had to work long hours, been away from the house and even out of town too. All of which has him stressed out because of it.

I’ve tried to leave him alone as best I can, but admittedly, I’m feeling neglected too. I know it’s not that he wants to ignore me, but he sort of has to in order to get his work done accurately and timely. This latest project is just consuming him to no end!

But I feel neglected. I need to be needed. I need to feel sexy. I am his submissive wife damn it and that has value too!

You just can’t ignore me all the time and expect me to be obedient like a dog that laps at your feet, just to be kicked away and discarded until you have time for me! I’m getting angry at you Sir!

I’m trying so hard to be a happy submissive wife and grateful for all you are and continue to be, but I’m failing. It’s getting too hard though too.

If you don’t want to love on me, I’ll just have to love on myself. Now I know I’m not supposed to be masturbating, let alone orgasming, without permission but damn it, you are NEVER home lately. HOW can I ask permission from you if you are too busy for me??

Screw it. I’m going to touch myself and love on me the way I damn well deserve! I don’t give a shit anymore!

With anger and determination in mind, I got naked and into our bed. Yes, OUR bed, alone, without you. And I’m going to fuck myself crazy and you can’t stop me!

I got my favorite rabbit vibrator out. I spread my legs wide. I looked down at my clean shaven pussy and I saw how needy it was. It hasn’t been touched in over a week, since you last let me masturbate while you were preparing to leave on this stupid latest work trip of yours. You didn’t have time to touch me last week either, and of course I was happy to have permission to do all the work then too but wtf a girl needs to be needed! And used! For YOUR pleasure. Whatever. It is what it is.

I’m a good wife. I DESERVE THIS!

I spread my fat pussy lips with my left finger tips, while my right hand pressed the tip of the vibrator inside me. I held it right there and let my muscles relax around the top of the vib. I wanted to feel every bit of this. I wanted to sink into the feelings and let them wash over me. I needed this. I know I deserved this!

And with that, I pressed the vibrator all the way inside me. I held it there for just a minute. With the cock inside me and the rabbit tip touching my clit, I pressed the button to turn the vib on low.

Oh fuck yeah! Oh fucking wow! What an amazing sensation I felt rise up inside me so immediately!

I slowly pulled it out, all the way to the tip, and then slammed it deep inside. I cringed at the immediacy of how full I felt. It was divine.

My pussy slicked up and allowed the vib to fully fill me. I held it deep inside me there, with the rabbit tip pressing hard on my clit causing it to swell up even more. I pulled my legs tight together and pressed in against my hand holding the vibrator.

I already wanted to orgasm so badly! I could feel it already building so quickly. I didn’t want to let myself orgasm this fast though either. I wanted to enjoy this so much longer. I felt it rising and I needed to decide what to do quickly or the decision would be made for me.

And that’s when I heard my Sir speak, “what the fuck are you doing?”

He was pissed. Oh Fuck ME!

I realized my eyes were closed enjoying my fantasy so upon hearing his voice, my eyes shot open. I pulled the vibrator from my pussy so fast and tried to hide it, and tried to process the situation I was in. But it was clearly too late! I was fucked behind fuck!

I said, “what are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow!”

I heard him say, “Seriously? THAT’s how you are going to play this? THAT is NOT how you speak to me. EVER!”

“But if you really must know, I finished the project early and wanted to surprise my GOOD SUBMISSIVE WIFE by coming home early.”

I just stayed silent.

His voice was rising in volume as he continued even more, “only instead of finding you doing good things, I walk to find you filling the pussy that we both know belongs to ME with that stupid vibrator that you did NOT have permission to use! You KNOW you have to ask!”

I continued to stay silent.

As if that wasn’t enough, the berating continued as he said, “You know I am generous to let you play with MY pussy most every time you ask, but I’ve paid good money, invested lots of time, and trained it to respond to MY touch. MINE! It is MINE! It is NOT yours. You gave up that right when you agreed to submit. So what the fuck were you thinking?!? I’ve trained you and MY PUSSY to be better than this!”

I was washed with shame. And regret. And remorse. He was so right. In every way. I was trained better than this. This pussy is his. And we both know it!

I may deserve to orgasm, but I know its never done like this! I acted selfish and stupidly. Why was I so stupid?

I scrambled off the bed and onto my knees beside his leg, I looked to the floor and said, “I’m sorry Sir. You are correct in all accounts.”

His demeanor softened a bit where he said, “what the hell am I going to do with you now? I was planning to come home and make love to you because I’ve been so missing you. I just knew you’ve been so patient and helpful as I worked through this project and these long days at work. Instead, I find you aren’t as patient or good as I had thought. Do you think you deserve my cock now??”

I was so filled with guilt, I began to cry. And I eked out the response I knew we both knew was the truth, “Not at all Sir. I’m very sorry.”

As calmly as he could have ever spoken, he said, “you know I have to punish you now, right?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then go ahead, Assume the Position now.”

He proceeded to give me the most intense, yet incredibly necessary and unfortunately earned, spanking I’ve had in a very long time.

I was already crying before he started. The guilt and remorse had me in tears already but now I was sobbing uncontrollably. The pain of the paddle was blistering my ass. I knew i deserved it. I didn’t want it, but I took it!

It wasn’t long before I was begging him to stop. I spewed words like, “I promise to never disobey ever again.”

Of course, he called me out on that too, “now you are just lying. You know you’ll fuck up again at some point, you just want this to stop and are willing to say anything at all. I don’t approve of that type of behavior either.”

And he smacked my ass that much harder still. When he first started I cringed and flinched and moved. But at this moment, my ass was so torn up and my sobbing was so hard, I didn’t hardly move a muscle.

That’s when he said, “I’m going to deliver the last five and you’ll count them out and thank me and ask for the next one too!”

“Yes (sob) Sir (sob).”

Smack! “One Sir, Thank you Sir. May I please have another?”

Smack! “Two Sir, Thank you Sir…. May,.. I… (pause to catch my breath and to cry more too) please…. May I have another?”

Pause. Anticipation. Waiting. When will it come?

SMACK!

“Three Sir, Thank you Sir. This hurts so much Sir, but may I please …. Have… (cries) another?”

More pausing. He wants these last ones to be dramatic. I’m grateful he can’t see my face as I scrunch up my nose in anticipation.

“YES you may! You did this to yourself, and you know that right?”

“Yes Sir…. (Sob)… i know.”

He then said, “I have NO desire to come home and deliver spankings. Maybe next time you’ll do better!”

S-M-A-C-K! Ouch. That was so painful on my already ripped up ass! It was delivered with such a punch, my whole body moved forward with the motion.

“Fourrr… sob… Sir…. thank… sob… you…. Sob…Sirrrrr. Please give me one ….sob….more…. Sir.”

SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!

In rapid succession he fired off three more that I was not anticipating. No time to count. After the third one, I had moved so far forward on the bed from the forward-motion, that my head touched the headboard.

“Thank … you ….. Sir!”

My whole body collapsed on the bed. To which I felt him climb on top of me and lay down on my back. He covered me entirely, like a warm, inviting blanket.

He must’ve taken his clothes off at some point, maybe that was why there were such pauses between the last smacks, because he was getting himself very naked. His skin-to-skin touch felt so warm and cozy that it brought warmth to my body inside and out, of course, it did burn my ass at his touch though too. I didn’t care, as I felt all the tension release as I relaxed into the bed.

He brought his head down beside my ear and I heard him calmly say, “that was the good girl that I expect you to be in the way you accepted your punishment with such strength and grace. I’m hopeful we won’t have to do this again.”

In a voice that was barely more than a whisper, as that was all the strength I could muster, I said, “me too Sir.”

He then said, “spread your legs as I get what I came for. You won’t be able to orgasm tonight now, as your punishment is not quite complete. There’s no need to even ask to orgasm because the answer is a resounding NO! Do you understand me?”

There wasn’t much to say as my bravado was squashed and I had such a let down hearing these words from him. So I uttered the only appropriate words there were, “Yes Sir.”

I dutifully spread my legs and I felt his cock fall between my ass cheeks. It felt as rock hard as ever. He lifted his chest slightly off of my back and I could feel that he was pressing his cock down toward the bed and preparing to penetrate me. I welcomed his cock!

That’s when he said, “To ensure my pussy, the one you tried to claim as your own, doesn’t get any ideas, I’m going to fuck you in the ass. This should help you to fight off any orgasm that you might think you need, while I get everything I need and then some!”

With that, he pressed the tip of his hard cock to my backside entrance and I felt my ass start to open for him. His cock spread my cheeks wide as he continued to press in deeper.

He pressed a bit more, and he waited. I knew he was waiting for my sphincter muscle to give way and relax into him. I thought about how kind he was being and willed it to happen even more so. As we both felt it, without another word, he went all the way in!

He pressed his cock all the way inside my ass. He was so deep, I felt his balls touch the hole of my pussy. He held himself there for another minute, allowing me to relax around his thickness.

And with that, I heard him say, “How’s that?”

“Wonderful Sir, thank you for using me this way!” I felt the tension leave my body even more as I felt the whole of his cock deep inside me, his body resting on my back, and my Sir taking me!

He said, “I wish this could be different for you, but it’s just not going to be. Now hold still while I fuck this tight hole and get off the way I need to!”

With that, I also heard him say, “I’m going to fuck you like the bitch dog in heat, that I know you were when I walked in. Get up onto your fours, without letting my cock fall out.”

So I moved into position. I knew my ass was about to feel a pounding like never before. I felt his hands grab onto my hips and I cringed. His thumbs touched my sore ass and dug in, a reminder of how I found myself in this position quite constant still! He pulled me back onto him. He said, “hang on tight my love. Here we go!”

He was using his hands to cause my hips and ass to move on and off of his cock in such a way that I was ultimately fucking him rather than him fucking me. Every time my ass collided with his body, I felt the heat from the spanking roll through my body. He didn’t care. I heard him saying, “Bitch move your hips! Take my cock deep! Make me fucking cum in your ass.”

He caused my ass as to fuck his cock as hard as he’s ever done and faster than I ever knew possible. In and out in rapid succession. I felt his balls bang hard against my pussy hole. It couldn’t be ignored. It was such a turn on. I felt my orgasm rising so quickly once again.

I started to worry I would orgasm before my Sir did. I started talking dirty, “Sir, bring me down to size! Rip my ass open inside and out. Fuck my ass hard Sir.”

It was encouraging to him, he started to moan. I could tell he was getting close. He smacked my ass with his hand, to which I cringed in pain. My Sir moaned even more and called out, “I’m getting close. Slut, get me there!”

“Sir, I need to orgasm Sir! Please Sir, fuck my ass and fill it up before I can’t control myself.”

He slapped hard on my ass, “NO! You will NOT orgasm. You’ll take this punishment and let me fill your ass properly!”

“Please Sir, give it to me NOW!” And I pressed my ass back onto his cock and pulled myself back off, and repeated again and again, going as fast as I could make myself go while praying I didn’t lose control of my own orgasm rising inside me.

That was when he grabbed my ass and pushed himself deep, and held me there. I felt his cock flex in my ass hard as I also heard him moan into me for the last time. He released his seed deep into my ass. He milked himself by pressing my ass in and out one last time, much slower this time.

He held himself there for another minute, when he finally pulled out and rolled over to my side.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I managed to NOT orgasm through my ass pounding … inside AND out. But allowed my Sir to punish me with grace and style, and accepted his seed fully too. But I so wanted to orgasm so badly still.

He rolled onto his back and he said, “come here baby girl. Your punishment is over and all is forgiven. Come snuggle with me and let’s rest together now.”

And he said, “I love you more than you know!”

“Thank you Sir. I love you too. But Sir, I have a question?”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Well… Sir…. I need to orgasm. I almost did on my own, and then again with you fucking my ass. Can I…”

“STOP. You don’t need to ruin this night with that talk. Instead… go get your belt on and bring me the lock and key.”

I went and got the chastity belt, put it in place, and grabbed the lock. I placed it in Sir’s hand. He put the lock on my belt, and snapped it shut. He tapped his finger on it and said, “Beautiful steel covering MY pussy. MY pussy will not cum until I allow it. Maybe tomorrow!”

I sighed heavily and he laughed.

He smiled and said, “Now get in bed and let’s sleep, just like this, all the way to tomorrow when I may allow MY pussy to cum but I haven’t quite decided yet either.”

He turned off the lights and said, “Sleep well my beautiful slut wife.”

“Thank you Sir.”

Hugs,

Marie

241 – i did it!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 241 – i did it!

i ordered a Fancy Steel Chastity belt!

It will take probably a full month to get to me, as it is custom made to fit and coming from Australia (to me …. in US – in TX).

As you know, we have been experimenting with a cheap Chinese belt for almost a year now. First one i had was for fun or for punishment, and rarely for extended times. Then i recently got a (new) cheap one that we used more often. i slept in it every night for nearly 2-weeks.

Wearing it at night served it’s purpose of stopping me from masturbating whenever i wanted (at night), as i tend to fall asleep later than David and masturbated right beside him in bed without permission. He didn’t mention wearing it to work, which was probably good overall. In total though, my ultimate goal was working up to more and more time in the belt with less time out, so wearing it to work would’ve been the next step.

But of course, that was when my vacation to the UK happened and of course i wasn’t going to wear it there.

i missed it when it was off really…. for daytime hours and vacation. i didn’t masturbate once during the times it was off though, as i knew it was a privilege to be out! And when i was in UK, i was just too exhausted really. But as soon as i got home, i was a little slut wife and have already masturbated once without permission. (Yikes!)

David has never been in favor of the belt really. He thinks it is an “unnecessary contraption” and that i “should have more self control and self discipline than that” to make it where wearing it shouldn’t be needed. While in essence i agree with him, i also know my own limitations and unfortunately i think it is very necessary. (See above … already did what i shouldn’t!).

In my opinion, whenever there is a tool that makes a job easier, it makes sense to get and use that tool. Why try to put a nail in a board without a hammer? Why try to dig a hole without a post hole digger or a bobcat? Why try to go to UK without a boat or a plane?

So why try to abstain from masturbation without wearing a chastity belt? It is the best tool to get the job done! (Wouldn’t you agree??)

So i have (more or less) begged him to let me buy the long-term, better fitted, more expensive one for a permanent solution to what i perceive as a (huge) problem…. My inability to stop touching myself at will. And to have the best tool for the job!

i am equally excited and fearful about this new belt.

Obviously i am very excited or else i wouldn’t have obsessed over wanting it for this long, pushed David to allow me to get it, AND officially ordered it now.

But i wonder just how long it will be before the shiny new toy is not so shiny anymore. And how long until i beg David to not lock me up, but to “give me a break” from it too.

David didn’t say this … but …. Knowing him as long as i have, i fully anticipate him saying something like, “you wanted it. You spent a lot of money to get it. Now you’ll be obedient and wear it! Besides, you convinced me and you already knew that you need it and it is effective too!”

So the excitement is that i will get the help i need to be a better submissive to my Sir, and to be fully compliant with the biggest rule i have: NO masturbating or orgasming without permission!

But the fear is that i will indeed regret the decision to have a (very powerful) “tool”, and to not just push through and to instead be submissive all on my own power. i wonder how long i will welcome the belt, versus (maybe) start to resent it. i wonder if i truly resent it, if David will relent. Or will it just be a permanent part of our dynamic now…. And will i accept it with complete submissive grace!?!

Or will my ass just be in severe regret?

i will know better the answers to those questions in a little more than a month because this is all set in motion now!!

Stay tuned!

Hugs,

Marie

220 – Fifty years and one day later

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 6 Comments on 220 – Fifty years and one day later

For my birthday, i received amazing gifts, time with family, great food, and LOTS of candles on my cake too! i am still very happy, very grateful, and very thankful too. i wake up today feeling renewed and refreshed.

As we were lying in bed last night preparing for sleep, David asked me if i had a good birthday and of course, i absolutely did.

Then he reached over, pulled the covers back, and exposed my pussy. Bare. Void of all hair and clothing, as usual. He said, “so should I let you come again?” and he started to play with my clit.

Just the idea of being able to possibly come again amped up my sexual mind (and clit) to the next level. Yes, THAT fast!

i responded with, “that would be the perfect end to the perfect day!”

And he proceeded to get me off with the touch of his hand alone. He didn’t stop with just one… again. He let me orgasm twice more.

He asked, “So was having to wait for an orgasm better than having it anytime, all-of-the-time?”

“Oh yes! For sure!”

Then he said, “I agree. You appreciated this day so much more than I think you would have otherwise. Not to mention, you’ve been a very good girl lately, except of course your miscue earlier today.”

** rewind…. It was almost time to eat (gorge on!) our Thanksgiving meal……

As he was finishing the cooking (i do NOT cook, unless of course we want to be poisoned, which we don’t!), i started to get out the plates and silverware. i set them on the counter, just under the cabinet they are stored in, which is right next to the stove. i wasn’t going to leave them there, but rather used it as an organizing and stacking space to get everything together at one time. He said, “You shouldn’t leave those there. I’m still cooking here.”

i looked at him and in an unintentional, snarky voice, i said, “i wasn’t planning on it!”

As soon as it left my lips, i was regretful and wished it hadn’t come out the way it did. He raised his eyebrows, turned his back where only i could see and hear him, effectively building a shield between us and the rest of family that wasn’t even paying attention anyway. And that’s when he said, “do you think that was the right tone to use?”

i immediately said, “No Sir.”

He said, “Then why did you speak to me that way?”

i said, “i didn’t intend it to come out that way. i am sorry Sir.”

He gave a nod to me then that conveyed the message, “because it’s your birthday AND thanksgiving AND family is around, your apology is accepted. But do NOT allow it to happen again or else you’ll find yourself Assuming The Position to be spanked!“

Y-E-S … i DID get that much out of his look! i know him THAT well.

i didn’t allow it to happen again and kept my actions and words in check the rest of the day.

And clearly, as we were heading to sleep, he hadn’t forgotten my words from earlier.

Even on my birthday… i am still his submissive wife. Always.

*** rewind done…. Back to our bedroom just before sleep……

When he was done playing with my pussy, i asked, “so will we back to no-touch and no-orgasm tomorrow? And if so, for what duration this time?”

His response was a matter of factly stated. He said, “I haven’t decided on either yet, but it’s really not your concern right now. Whatever I decide, I’m sure you will obey, correct?”

As i was put in my place (and i was A-OK with that!), i responded with the words he loves to hear, “Yes Sir.”

Then he asked me if i wanted to play with myself even more. When i said, “yes please,” he smiled, let out a small laugh, and said, “you may play and orgasm all you want… until midnight.”

And with that, i grabbed the vibrating rabbit dildo and got myself off just that quickly! He then said, “Do it again!” And i did. (Had to obey an order, right?? 😉)

With that, he turned out the light, turned over, said, “I’m going to sleep now. You have until midnight. Don’t keep me up or wake me up with noise, otherwise, Happy Birthday my love. My Good Girl!”

i responded with, “Thank You Sir.” And i opened my tablet to my favorite (literature) porn site with my rabbit inside me.

** side note: i prefer to READ porn over watching it. When i read it, it is a bit slower build up to the good parts and i can imagine myself as the submissive with David as the Dom. Not to mention, i think my imagination is far wider than the porn i have watched too! Here is my favorite site… in case you wanted to know: Www.Literotica.com

*** Another side note: at one point, i set up an account as an author and wrote a couple of stories. i submitted them for review (and hopefully to be published), only to find their editors were intense. They gave a lot of feedback, to which I didn’t much care for. Most of it was grammar and spelling, but also a bit more to the content too. Does anyone reading porn really care if you start/stop a paragraph after there is a “quote”? Or if the comma is inside the “quotation,” or not? << see the examples? Well apparently they do! And i guess maybe their readers do too!

So it made me mad and that’s what prompted this site! i wanted to write whatever… whenever… and however….and not have an editor! i am a bit selfish, aren’t i?? 🤣

i only lasted one more orgasm longer. i was so relaxed and contented with the day, i actually ended up falling asleep shortly thereafter.

This morning now i have NO idea if no-touch/ no-orgasm is in effect again, but i would be shocked if it’s not. i have learned a lot these last 17-days (yes, i was counting!), including how to pay more attention to Sir’s words, be a better good girl for him, appreciate orgasms more, sleep in a chastity belt (while being grateful to NOT have easy access to myself), and in the process….. growing deeper in my submissive mind too.

As much as I hate to admit it….. orgasm control/denial is a GOOD thing for me …. and Sir too. And we both know it now too!

**** while it won’t arrive that quickly …for my Christmas present, Sir agreed to let me order a Fancy Steel belt. i know it will be a good thing for both of us! He is going back out of town today (Friday) for 2-days, but this time it is just he who is going. He even commented, “if the FS belt were here already, I’d lock you in it and take the key with me to ensure you remain a good girl this weekend!” And my pussy got wet at the thought! The Chinese belts are ok for up to about 24’ish hours, but then it starts to chafe in odd places. Whereas the FS one shouldn’t do that as it is custom made to fit me with my measurements. So for longer periods of time, like 2-3 days …. Or really as long as we (or should i say HE) might desire…. The Fancy Steel belt will be much better for long-term wear!

Happy Day-After-Thanksgiving and my birthday!

Hugs,

Marie

213 – Glory saved me from myself.

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Night five in chastity started withOUT chastity. Are you surprised?

As you know now, i have named my belt. It feels more personal than just saying, “chastity belt.” She is named Glory. (Maybe i will go into more detail on another post about how that name came up to me, but also why i feel it is really perfect too! But not now…. Today is about Day 5 of continuous chastity, day 10 of NO-orgasm, NO-vember. (No orgasm didn’t start until Nov 6th, which begs the question if this orgasm denial will end on Dec 1… or be extended to Dec 6… to say it was a “full month” of denial…. More on that as the month unfolds!)

David and i were heading toward the bedtime hour by doing the usual evening routine activities, including brushing teeth, face, etc

David sleeps in lounge PJ shorts … because he can. i sleep nude… because i should. His body is his and my body is his. i am his to see, touch, or play with anytime he wants, so i am made available to him. Usually this works well, but in times of intentional orgasm denial, not so much.

THIS is the longest i have EVER been denied. i do not EVER remember going this long without an orgasm in much of my adult life! i have always had a sexual appetite and whether David has touched me or i touched me, i am touched a LOT.

In fact…..

i am a sex addict! And i think that is a GOOD thing. Wanting to flirt, have sex, or please my Sir is a GOOD thing….. (wait…i realize i am about to go down a squirrel trail and this could be an excellent start for another post, so i will stop here and get back on track!)

So… i am USUALLY touched a lot. But as you are well aware now… i am in the middle of NO-vember…. Meaning, NO orgasms in this month at ALL for me by my touch, David’s touch, or ANYONE else for that matter!

This is way harder than i thought it would be! But i am determined to do it. i won’t fail…. i just CAN’T. If i do fail, i will sorely be disappointed in myself, and i don’t even really want to think about what David will think or what he would do for punishment too! His disappointment would be too overwhelming for me! i would be depressed and beyond sad if i fail. So this challenge is good for me!

As i climbed into our bed, David said, “I see boobs!”

He always sees them at night, but by the fact he commented on them told me he was particularly attracted to them at that moment. (Or maybe he wasn’t, but used it as an opportunity to test me! Just because MY orgasms are denied, doesn’t mean his are in any way, form, fashion deterred!)

So i leaned in close, where his mouth immediately covered up my entire nipple and sucked on it. He grabbed my other one with his hand and rubbed it hard too.

And almost as quickly as it started, it stopped. He let go, laid his head on the pillow, and said, “let’s see if you can go tonight without chastity. You need to be able to do this on your own sometimes too.”

In all honesty, i was grateful he thought i didn’t need it as i had NO desire to sleep with Glory! At ALL! i had already been wrestling with it in my mind all evening long about how i did NOT want her hugging on me and i did NOT want to feel her hard steel against me. i was craving the soft touch of the sheets and to just feel a kinder, gentler love. i just needed a night’s break.

So i was relieved with his words! i smiled and said to David, “Yes! i was thinking that i didn’t need Glory too Sir. This will be good.”

And it was. For awhile.

We read, got sleepy, and then we turned out the lights and fell asleep quickly. i was happy and feeling loved.

Until i wasn’t.

i woke up at 2:30a. W-I-D-E awake. Laying on my back, with complete awareness of how the sheets were touching my pussy. i felt how good it felt when i just moved a millimeter in any direction, and the sheets rubbed against me in the softest way.

i told myself to ignore all that and go back to sleep. i tried. i tossed and turned, fluffed the pillow, switched up my positioning and the covers. It wasn’t working.

i decided to turn. onto my side and put a pillow between my legs to (kinda) limit access (but also the chiropractor says this is good to keep your back aligned too). But that pillow! Oh my! It felt SO good on my clit! Once again after trying to find sleep and failing, i found myself starting to arch my back and my pelvis…. humping the pillow.

i stopped, removed the pillow, and moved back to my back. i let my legs flop open and pulled the sheets outward, so it was taut and tucked it under my legs so that just my knees were touching it. It effectively made a tent over my lower half.

And then i started thinking about sex… and was having (awake-fantasy-dreams) about different sexual positions, activities, toys, and people touching me. i tried to distract myself saying, “Think of other things!”

Think about things like… uhm… thanksgiving …and … my birthday. Around the corner. And what we will be doing…. Which lead to thoughts of, “yeah you know what you’ll be doing… and what you will NOT be doing. You won’t be coming!”

THAT is when i reached down and touched my clit. i rubbed it. My cunt was sloppy slick in a matter of 5-seconds flat. i felt it dripping out of me. And i knew i HAD to stop.

I DID NOT ORGASM. I STOPPED. I ONLY JUST EDGED.

My mind continued on, “You won’t have an orgy like you wrote about before over a year ago. You won’t have all these hands and cocks and even other pussies all around you getting happy using your holes.”

AND THAT IS WHEN I TOUCHED MYSELF AGAIN. i said, “a little more edging is good for me. i didn’t get to THE edge (of orgasm) before. So getting to theedge is good for me. i won’t go over the edge. i can stop!!…..”

AND I DID. STOP. I DID NOT ORGASM. BUT I ALMOST DID. i SO did NOT want to stop. But i (thankfully!) did.

And my mind continued… “only if you are lucky will Sir even allow your pussy to be touched and orgasm because of course…. You poor, poor little girl… your birthday is in the month of NO-vember. Do you think that your Sir should relent and allow you to cum JUST because it is your birthday?”

AND I DID IT AGAIN. I TOUCHED THAT NEEDY PUSSY. AND AGAIN….I DID NOT ORGASM.

And …. My mind Continued….. “What’s a needy little cunt to do when it can’t be touched all the way to pleasure whenever it wants to? Will you be a brat and pout or accept this denial like the good submissive girl you are… even on your birthday?? And won’t you be THANKFUl for it too? Won’t you realize and appreciate how much you are loved?”

THE ENTIRE TIME, MY FINGER SWIRLED MY CLIT. PLAYED WITH MY OPENING. PRESSED A FINGER INSIDE AND PULLED OUT AGAIN.

ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!

I HAVE TO STOP. I CAN-NOT-CUM. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT ALLOWED!

i then heard my rational brain kick in and i said, “GET UP. GO GET GLORY. YOU NEED HELP!“

Then i even tried to argue with myself, “but if i have the key, how will that be effective? i can pull her into place, but what’s the point knowing i can use the key (since Sir is asleep and i can’t give him the key for safekeeping.)” That’s when it came to me. i knew the solution.

i went to the closet, laid down on the floor, and strapped myself in her. i am getting to be so close with my chastity belt, i can quite literally strap myself in without lights and only using my touch! (Strapping in is a matter of: straddle the three parts – belt around each hip and metal between my legs; attach one side of the belt to the middle metal part that goes through my legs; hold it in place while strapping on the other side of the belt; put the metal heart-covering through the TWO holes on the front that hold it and the three straps in their place; hold all of this in place to attach the lock over top; twist it to fit securely and lock it closed. And hand over the keys. Quite a bit to do in the dark without eyes, but rather only hands. But i did it, pretty swiftly too actually! i admit, i even surprised myself!)

i grabbed up the keys, went into our bedroom, and on the dresser is a glass bowl that i keep all my jewelry. i softly placed the key in the bowl in order to limit the “clank” sound that was inevitable. i KNEW as it mixed in with the other metal jewels, i’d not be able to lay my hands on it too easily if i wanted to in the dark. So this limited my ability to easily retrieve it back up again. i also knew if i did try, it would make a LOT of noise and probably wake Sir in the process, where i’d have been asked, “what are you doing?” NOT a question i’d want to have to answer at all. Besides, i sorely needed SLEEP!

So i got back in bed. On my back. Legs spread wide. Without ANY access.

ACCESS DENIED!

AND I WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT!

The rational brain told myself, “There! THIS is what you need! You want to succeed at NO-vember and you have the tools to do it. Use your tools wisely. Work smarter, not harder. Now go to sleep!”

And i did.

While i am unsure how Sir will respond this morning to my obvious weaknesses and clear need for Glory to be wrapped around my sex, i succeeded in thinking rationally, getting much needed sleep, AND NO-orgasm-vember. While not exactly what Sir (or i) had in mind at the time we first closed our eyes, i DID succeed in NO orgasms! i am still on the track i should be!

i suspect the rest of the month… i will have night after night of being locked from start to finish with Glory in her rightful place and i am OK with that. In fact, i think i need it. i just hope i don’t have to try (and probably fail!) anymore alone. Glory really does have my best interest at heart! So why not just let her do her job?!

(But here’s to hoping these sexual cravings subside too!)

Hugs,

Marie

210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 210 – The BIG O. Under lock and key.

i am feeling a little depressed tonight. David is near going to sleep. And i found myself thinking he needed to turn out the lights already so i could put my hand down under the covers and masturbate….

All the way to orgasm!

i was fully intending to do so. And i didn’t give a flying rat’s ass about NO-vember. It’s dumb. It was self imposed. He only started it because of me saying it, and it is … well….. VERY dumb.

i found myself thinking, “i am a good person, i deserve to be able to touch myself. This is MY body. i was so stupid to want to be a submissive wife. If i were instead a “normal” wife, i’d be able to do whatever the FUCK i wanted to!”

i continued, “i could FUCK myself anytime i wanted with anything i wanted… a dildo, a vibrator, another live-man- cock, hell even a wooden spoon from the kitchen if i wanted to!”

And i continued …… with how stupid i am to even come up with the idea of NO-vember in the first place. i mean, who in their right mind says, “hey, i don’t want to orgasm or have sexual highs for an entire 30-fucking days?!?”

W-H-Y can’t i be “normal”? W-H-Y can’t vanilla sex and being my husband’s equal be enough for me?! WTF was i thinking becoming a submissive wife who can’t even orgasm on her own time??

And as i lay beside him thinking all these things, OF MY OWN DOING, i got up, went to the closet, and locked myself up in my chastity belt. i decided i needed chastity. And i will sleep in it once more.

This is the second night in a row now. All these thoughts came just the SECOND night of wearing the chastity belt to sleep. But it wasn’t the belt that was causing my temper tantrum… it’s the elusive O that i am chasing and unable to have.

CHASTITY…. THIS is what i ultimately need. Whether i belong to David or not, of which i DO (!!) self control seems to be beyond me. i am at one week of self-imposed (and being enforced by David) “NO ORGASM,” and i am having withdrawals. i am an addict wanting my drug of choice: the big natural high of a big O!

i am addicted to sex and to orgasms specifically. i do indeed get “High” with the sexual release of the O. The very minute i come, that natural release of hormones brings me peace and happiness. i feel tension subside. i feel a spreading of warmth throughout my body as my blood rushes around inside me. Or said another way….. a “drug addict high”. And this drug is so much better than any other because it is: 1) natural, 2) legal, 3) FREE! and 4) the biggest of all: available ANY TIME.

And yet…. It’s NOT. Not available any time. Not to me anyway. Because i gave up my rights to the big O and the owner of them says NO. i am not allowed to play with HIS toys… or chase the Big O.

i am at the place where when someone goes to rehab, (at least in the movies), they are desperate to do whatever it takes to get that drug they think they must have! They start begging for it. They plead. They are strung out and look terrible, and they don’t care. As the movie watcher, we know that drug they crave is killing them and they need to get over it already. Yet… they don’t see it that way, at least not yet.

Well here i am ….…. “Hello, my name is Marie and i am an O addict!”

But having orgasms, as much as i want anyway, isn’t good for me. It’s not mine. i gave it up a long time ago. Willingly. To my Sir. And when i DO get to climax, it should be appreciated and loved, and cherished… both the O itself AND my Sir for wanting me to feel it with him too.

i shouldn’t be able to take it back any time i want, just because i want it. i am not a little kid that gets to throw a temper tantrum and get my way.

And being a submissive wife is what i also know is good for me. And him. And our entire family! As i have said before numerous times, our relationship is so much stronger when we are doing our D/s thing. We fight way less (and btw… usually November is our worst month of the year for our relationship where we tend to fight more than ever. Not this year though!)

And vanilla sex is … well… vanilla. Boring. And …. Allowing my husband to lead my family, including me (AND for him to OWN my SEX) is a choice that matters. THIS is good for me.

So. i put on the belt of my own volition. And i handed him the key.

As i did so, i asked Sir, “do you like this look?”

The “look” being that i am wearing exactly two things: 1) my collar, and 2) my chastity belt. Nothing else.

He said, “no, I do not. I wish you had more self control. But now at least we both know you can enjoy your porn without orgasm tonight again.”

i wanted to cry. Not sure if it’s because he’s right or because i didn’t want him to be right.

So even as i sit and type to you, i am saddened that i am NOT able to have a natural self control, but that i am smart enough to know…. Chastity is what i ultimately need. And while i am not exactly pleasing to my Sir at this exact moment, he knows that i need the chastity belt too.

Knowing that i do NOT need to succumb to my sexual appetite and expelling the desire to orgasm. Is what i need. And abstaining from Orgasm for 30-days is a good thing! i shouldn’t be so addicted to anything, including my drug of choice…. My own sexual body parts.. or more accurately, that feeling if the HIGH that i get from my body parts!

But i won’t lie…. my tits are beautiful as i look past them to type to you. And my clit is feeling every movement of my iPad as it rests on my belly (and the belt) for me to type out this message. No joke, my clit is SO sensitive right now, it is feeling every single tap on the screen as it moves the pad just enough that it is causing my clit to swell. i can feel my clit pressing against the metal and i am becoming incredibly aroused! And ultimately my clit still thinks i am stupid as it presses harder and harder against the metal bars it is held underneath. And my pussy is also begging for release.. from chastity AND from this NO-orgasm prison sentence it is under.

But ultimately, maybe i do have “just enough” self control too as my mind says “NO! Be strong!” Of course, now as i sit in chastity, i really have no choice in the matter. But did i even really have a choice before???

Tell me i am not stupid, or crazy, or … well… i don’t know. Maybe i am those things and you can’t. i get it.

Just to be clear…. i am not upset i am wearing a belt to sleep in. In fact, i am grateful it’s here and on. It has given me a bit of mental reprieve to have this O taken further away from my literal grasp! Because it’s just an arm’s length away, but now, underneath lock and key it’s in its place. And that gives me mental relief to be able to stay the course and still not capture the O that i so desperately feel i need!

As i go to sleep… again in chastity…. Just know i give you all my many hugs… but not my O, because even i do not own that. i do not even have the key……

And yes, NORA, this is me and my chastity belt.

Hugs,

Marie

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