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Tag: married life

187 – what is “submissive service”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 187 – what is “submissive service”

(This is a long post, but after reading through it several times trying to find things that i thought could/should be cut… i didn’t want to…. so… it is what it is.)

i have talked a bit about this before. But i feel like talking again. So i will. Ha. And in reading this nonfiction book that i mentioned before, “Real Service” by Tenpenny and Kaldera, i have new thoughts to add, at least i hope anyway.

But before i dive in, i want to give a couple of (only my opinion) thoughts of “what’s the difference between a submissive and a slave. Because while i’d love to be a “sexual slave,” to my husband, i am not. i am quite thoroughly and completely “just a submissive wife” in every aspect.

And why do i make a point to make this distinction? Well… keep reading and it will hopefully become more obvious.

Similarities: Both a submissive and a slave conform to a Dominant’s will, both defer to another’s authority and both ultimately find their own pleasure in making someone else happy. At its core, a submissive and a slave provide a service(s) to a Dominant.

Differences: And while both submissive and slave have a lot in common, they are still quite different too. At its core, a submissive is more free and has more control than a slave. Not to say a submissive is “less” than a slave, because i am NOT diminishing the significance or importance of a submissive whatsoever! It’s just that a submissive has more free-thinking-authority than a slave.

A slave has less control of one self than a submissive. A slave makes less decisions than a submissive. A slave has their decisions taken away from them (freely) whereas a submissive makes decisions (within the given authority of the Dominant). A slave requires more effort of the Dominant (to control and make the decisions for the slave), than what is required of a Dominant with a submissive.

So i guess my ideal combination would be to submit to my husband in everything… except sex. For sex, i would much prefer to have all my control and decisions be taken from me and to be his slave. But it’s not up to me. i suppose in an odd way of thinking of it, having no control over this decision… makes me a slave to the situation!?! (Hmm, not sure if i think that sentence is true really, but having “no control” is at the essence of a slave’s situation/persona… so maybe ??)

What is in my control is learning to be the best submissive wife i can be… which i would ultimately have to admit… includes sex too.

Submissive wife:

i am my husband’s best friend… and submissive wife. (And he is my best friend…. and Dominant husband).

When people say you can’t live a D/s or kinky lifestyle 24/7, i disagree. This is exactly what and how we do it. i am his submissive wife 24/7. That is at least until we slip out of our ways of doing things because of stupid things like “work stress” monopolizing our “home life”…. which is another topic of “how exactly do you maintain the ways of doing things 365-days a year without slipping away from it.” (Good question… i haven’t mastered it!)

i recently saw someone else post a blog that was basically where we have been lately, and she called the “out of the D/s routine” as being in a “rut.” And i suppose that’s a great way to think and a great word for it too. (Again, how to NOT go into a “rut” isn’t in my wheelhouse just yet… and back to today’s blog….)

While i agree there are some things that you simply can’t do 24/7 due to its extreme level/intensity, there are a lot of dominance and submission that absolutely can be done 24/7.

As i mentioned, i am reading the non-fiction book, “Real Service,” where the authors make a point to say and explain how a submissive provides service to a Dominant. And that “service” comes in many forms, including sexual but not just sexual. Service tasks range in its complexity from mundane of housework, errands/shopping, and paying bills, up to other specific things that would fit this particular D/s dynamic like secretarial, being a chauffeur, butler, or chef… and always companionship.

The key is ensuring that whatever services are provided from the sub to the Dom is what the DOM WANTS! The service is meaningless if the Dom doesn’t want (or need) it.

In one section of the book, the author (a Dom) talks about how his sub was performing tasks that the sub thought the Dom wanted, but in fact the Dom did not. The Dom realized he was upsetting his sub when in fact what the sub was doing wasn’t at all important, needed, or valued by the Dom.

The author writes, “Faced with his [the sub’s] disappointment, I had two choices: I could beat myself up for not being able to do this [“this” meaning the Master trying to become satisfied with what the sub was doing for the Master], or we could work together on making the activities that were meaningful for me likewise meaningful for him. And we chose the second option.”

The first key point or takeaway i have here is:

Even if i want to do it, if it means nothing to David…. it isn’t what i should be doing. i need to be doing what David wants, not what i want or what i think he wants.

Sometimes if i were being fully honest, i think i do things trying to impress him and ultimately find favor in order to receive his praise. Only for him to find that he didn’t want or need it, but he now has to decide to: 1) hurt my feelings by telling me it wasn’t wanted, 2) learn to like what i did, 3) give praise for something he neither wanted, asked for, or needed. And let’s face it, options #2 &3 are lying/deceitful to me (and forcing him to bend to me) and may make me think he liked my efforts, leading me to repeat them to get #2 &3 to occur again… vicious circle. All the while, i was just trying to provide a (good) service go/for him but going about it in all the wrong ways.

That seems obvious at its core, i get that. But sometimes i (and maybe other subs too) am certain i know what will make him happy and set out to do these things, only to be disappointed upon figuring out that wasn’t at all what i should be focused on and it didn’t make David happy one iota. And likewise, it puts David in a position to either accept (and learn to like) the service i am giving him… or for him to teach/train me to give the service he is actually wanting (and for me to be happy doing that task instead).

So being reminded to do what he wants, not what I think he wants, is pretty key!

Going back to the submissive versus slave part, i would love nothing more than to be David’s sex-slave not “just” his submissive. But it’s just not what he wants. He wants me to be a submissive wife…. in ALL aspects, including sex.

When it comes to sex specifically, being a submissive doesn’t feel like it is “enough”. At least not for me. But i’d say David thinks being a submissive, even for sex, is plenty enough. So at the end of the day, i am fully aware that what i’d like to do or be… a sex slave… is irrelevant.

i would like to be told (“made”) to…….

Be naked as much as possible, strut in front of him, sit on the floor beside him, not be allowed to be out of his sight, have my mouth stuffed with his cock regularly, sit on his cock and do all the work to get him to orgasm, stuffed with a dildo to stretch enough to accommodate him without any difficulty, be spanked if not wet at the moment he wants/needs me to be, to be punished if unwanted pubic hair is ever found, to wear a butt plug to stretch the back whenever he wants, to be taken when i am sleeping for no other reason than because he wants me, to be tied up or gagged in positions that he has full access, to wear a chastity belt most of the time, to be shared if he wants to, and and and ……i could go on…….

Don’t misinterpret what i am saying to mean i am not my husband’s submissive for sex… because i am. But i want to be MORE than just submissive for sex. i want to be owned, and to have no other options available to me, as it comes to sex. (i love being his submissive wife for all the mundane things of life, but i would really love to be his sexual slave to in the bedroom too.)

But….. that’s not really what i think David wants. If he did want these things, he’d be doing it. Or maybe he does want it, but it’s just not a practical way to live 24-7, 365-a year. So maybe “just” being a submissive is the better way to do things…. most of the time and a sex-slave “only on occasion.”

The author continued by saying, “The servant is obligated to do things the master’s way, and if they’re a good servant, they should work on not acting too resentful while they’re doing it. A good thought process…..might be “No one is going to die if I do things Master’s way.””

This is true for all service rendered by a sub to her Dom. And for me, in the daily-submissive-wife-things i typically do think this way. i often find myself thinking, “while this isn’t how i would do it, my way isn’t necessarily better or his worse even… so just do it his way and be ok with it.”

But when it comes to wanting to be “more” for sexual activities (read “sex-slave”), i ultimately want to have my entire sexual being become his play toy at any time or any place he wants. But David wants it a different way. And i need to be be ok with that. i need to learn to do it his way, which for me feels “less” than what i want to give and what i think he deserves. But at the end of the day, …..I never want to be the source of his disappointment or him having to figure out how to like what i want to give and let’s face it: “no one is going to die if i do things Master’s [David’s] way.”

i suppose most of this is common sense really, but it was also a lightbulb moment for me in that thinking of…. “of course that makes sense. It’s the best way for the D/s relationship to truly work in harmony”. That said, if it was ALL common sense for everyone, there wouldn’t be a need for the Book i am reading to have been written at all! Right??

Anyway…. i have realized my submissive wife homework is to become more in tune with:

1) is this service (any service, including sexual) something David wants or is it something i want him to want?

2) if it’s the latter, what would he want?

3) and if it’s the former, am i doing it in a way that’s fully pleasing to him?

i am really enjoying this book… maybe you should consider reading it too. It’s not just for subs either!

Hugs,

Marie

174 – The Right generation is?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. No Comments on 174 – The Right generation is?

In my last post, i made talk of the 1950’s housewife. How she would have (probably) been a submissive wife and received, “corporal punishment,” also known as spankings.

i have sometimes thought i was born in the wrong generation. i mean if spanking was common place then for them, maybe if i were apart of their generation that i would have fit in better than i do now. That generation as opposed to the actual generation that we live in now.

i wouldn’t have to wear a (figurative) mask or keep my home life a secret to anyone, because in that generation it wouldn’t have been a secret at all. i think. i really have no idea for sure if in the 1950’s it was all families who practiced disciplining of wives or not, or how much it was talked about or not, or how much it was actually common place really, but i feel sure it wasn’t frowned upon then (or seen as such a faux pas) as much as it is now.

i have visions of wives getting together for lunch and the conversation being maybe something like….

“So how has your week gone?”

And the response maybe being, “yeah, I really wasn’t very good this week because I (fill in the blank) , for which my husband was sure to correct that behavior in a hurry. My bottom is still sore from it and I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”

And her friend saying, “yeah, I know what you mean as I had a similar week too. My bottom is still sore to sit on too. I earned a punishment because….”

i think in the 1950’s these types of conversations wouldn’t be a major big thing, or considered a kink, or a faux pas but rather just the way of life for (most) everyone. It was probably just common talk about any normal week gone by.

But could you imagine going to work now in this generation and your co-workers asking, “do anything exciting or interesting over the weekend?”

And you responding with, “yeah so I disrespected my husband and got turned over his knee. He was so mad he turned it beat red. How was your weekend?”

N-O-P-E! Not a fat chance of that ever happening!

So i don’t think i would have to wear a mask if i were living in the 1950’s-wife era, at least not about this topic anyway. And that last part, “about this topic” is where i give pause to this “longing to be a 1950’s generation wife”.

For that also gives way to stop and think about how that generation would NOT fit me in many other ways. i wouldn’t have the job that i do now if i were in the 50’s since i would’ve just been a housewife (NOT anything wrong with housewives, just noting differences in my current life and what my life would, be then). Far more women didn’t work then due to THAT being a faux pas. “No wife of mine will be working outside our home!” would have been a common phrase uttered by many a husbands in that generation.

i would be wearing dresses, heels, pantyhose, and make up every-single-day in the 1950’s, with touch-ups to make myself beautiful for him to arrive home too. (Oh my! That’s just too much for me every-single-day!)

And then the cooking, cleaning, and “put on a smile and don’t complain”, and “treat your husband like the king he is” type mentally make me wonder… were marriages in the 1950’s even real? It seems NOT!

And let’s not forget that i consider myself bisexual and we have been swingers too. THAT would’ve been a serious faux pas then! (Ok, so it’s still kinda one now too… but seriously, can you imagine how that would’ve been received then?!? It is at least “more” accepted now than it would have been then for sire.)

Ok, so maybe i am in the right generation after all. When you consider alllllll this together, i think God did indeed put me in the exact right generation after all.

i will be happy to wear my jeans—- to work —- and NOT cook ——- and just not talk about (with my one figurative mask on about) my sore bottom from Maintenance Friday!

What secrets do you hide beneath your figurative (or even literal!) masks? Inquiring minds want to know. 🤓

Hugs,

Marie

171 – A Spanked wife is a Happy Life

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We’ve all heard the phrase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. But i would propose a change to that phrase to instead read….

A SPANKED WIFE IS A HAPPY LIFE.

“We all know who wears the pants in that family!”

“It’s obvious who’s in charge in that relationship”

These are sentences we’ve heard or even spoken before. The very idea that a relationship has equality is absurd to me. When there are just two people, who are voting their “side,” there can be is stalemate when the two sides are opposing. It results in a 50/50 split. And who is the one to break the tie? Who is the one to relent? Who is the one to say, “we will do it your way.”???

While i think there are relationships that may well be nearly equal in that both sides relent frequently, never is it completely equal. Which means that someone is in control and makes the decisions, and the someone else relents.

That someone who gets the win, “wears the pants.”

That person making the decisions is the natural Dominant and the person who relents is the natural submissive.

In our house, i do not even try to be equal as i don’t want to be. i want to submit to his will and his authority, as he submits to God’s will and God’s authority. This keeps it all in (our version of) balance.

So the person who wears the pants in this family is NOT me!

But sometimes balance doesn’t stay in balance. And it needs a reset. Or discipline. And in my opinion, the best reset is a spanking.

i did some research and picked out some reasons to spank your wife and how it leads to a happy life. Of course, i picked the ones i wanted to write about and ignored all the nah-sayers, so this is nowhere near official. Lol.

As such… take it as MY OPINION (with support for said opinion).

Reasons to spank your wife…..

#1: Power is Sexy… which leads to LOVE

Powerful people are (mostly) attractive and sexy. Think about some of the most influential people in society and even specific to your life. Odds are, they are confident, in control, (Dominant), and…. sexy.

And where there’s sex, there’s love. Okay, not always, but sexy can lead to love and in any “relationship,” i sincerely hope there’s love!

And if you have enough love in the relationship, you love her enough to correct the misbehavior. And you love him enough to submit to the spanking.

Spanking someone, done from a position of power is love. It means you are loving someone enough to do what is needed, even when it’s hard. And yes, it should be a bit hard for the Dominant to do. Because you don’t want to hurt her, but rather to guide her, and sometimes that requires tough love… and discipline.

#2: It will keep her calm

For me, i am a Dominant woman in much of my outside-the-home life. That may come as a surprise to some of you but it is true. At work, i am a boss. When things flow the way they should, i am calm. But how often does that happen?

At home, i am NOT in control, nor do i want to be. i want to come home and know i can relax and not have to make any decisions. i like to follow rules and directives. But sometimes even that doesn’t happen.

When these things don’t flow in the right order, chaos occurs. Now I know chaos is part of life but i don’t like it! And it typically throws me into a tizzy.

Spanking restores the calm and reason. It centers me. It forces me to focus on just one thing…. standing still and listening to Sir’s voice in THIS moment.

It grounds me, and restores the calm.

#3: Creates Intimacy and Builds Trust

Getting naked and baring your bottom for someone to see (and spank) requires intimacy. Physically by showing yourself to him. Mentally by showing yourself to him.

Yes, i said the same thing for both mental AND physical. Because it’s true. You have to unclothe your physical self AND your mental self to submit to a spanking.

So while you are unclothing and showing yourself to him, you show him you trust him enough to lead you, to guide you, and to be in control…. without abusing that control or trust. You are saying, “i trust you Sir!”

Which ultimately leads to the utmost levels of intimacy for both of you!

#4: Biblical

While you won’t find “spank your wife” in the Bible, you will find, “Husbands are to lead and women are to submit.” And (in my opinion) failing to submit requires disciplinary actions to get things on track.

All the way back to the Bible times, it was clearly written and people accepted it as the way of life, that men and women are not equal. And as such, discipline is necessary.

#5: Love

When you love her enough and care enough to discipline, you care about keeping the love alive and well in your relationship. And when you love him enough, you will submit to a spanking because you will know that it is good for you both. It builds up your relationship in a way that you just can’t imagine. And once you do it, you’ll agree….

The love is deeper and more profound than anything you had before……

And you never want to be wearing the pants in your family again.

But you will want to pull them up after that spanking is done and hopefully you don’t have to do it again anytime soon!

Hugs,

Marie

169 – Cheers to 20 years… And counting!

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20- years ago today, i married my best friend David.

If you’ve read through other posts on my blog, you already know that all 20 haven’t been perfect. But we are together. Thriving and doing life together.

Here’s a few things about us that i haven’t shared before (i don’t think)…..

– He is 8-years older than me. So when he was graduating College, i was still just in Jr High. At young ages, the age gap matters but at older (adult) ages, age is just a number.

– Met at work …. yes, we have the same professional careers. i have never told you what we do, but you could likely figure it out from context clues throughout if you wanted to. (And if you think you know, email me and i will tell you if you are right…. i will be honest if you guess correctly).

– Dated for 5-years when i gave him an ultimatum. When i did so, i said, “if you don’t know now, you’ll never know.” And this was said after we spent our 5-year-dating-anniversary in Hawaii, on a beach, with a glorious backdrop, where i just knew he was going to propose…. and yet, he did not. He was quite shocked when i called him out that day by saying, “Decide NOW or we are done!” Clearly he chose correctly…. lol.

– We have one child (a son) who is 16 1/2 now. It took 2-years and lots of doctors, drugs, and prayers to get pregnant at all. If he had been a girl, we were going to name him Grace….. by the Grace of God we were granted the gift of a child. i never took birth control after we were married, or after our son’s birth, and yet he is the only child God did deliver to us. i am grateful and blessed for what i have!

– Lived in 3-houses over 20-years. We have lived in our current home for most recent 8-years and i expect we will be here for another 8 (or more!). We may sell after that, since our son should be more than on his own at that point and we could probably downsize then. But after that many years here, we may just stay “forever” too.

– Have traveled to many continents where we have blessed to see with our own eyes many parts of God’s glorious world, including (in no real particular order here): China, England, France, Netherlands, and Italy. David has also been places without me (for work), that i was sad to not be able to also go with, including Brazil, Singapore, and Taiwan. It’s hard to say what i think has been my favorite as they are all so vastly different but i have fond memories in each of those all the same! i did especially love seeing the Great Wall of China, the beaches of Normandy, Louvre museum in Paris, Red light district in Amsterdam and seeing the coliseum in Rome.

– We have also traveled within the US to almost every state. We have been to 46 states and have only 4 to go. The ones we have not been to are: Montana, Alaska, Idaho, North Dakota. And we have been making plans to go to both Montana and Alaska, so they likely will be off the list in another 1-3’ish years (pending covid restrictions for travel). Some of my favorite US places include California’s beaches, Oregon’s Original Starbucks, South Carolina’s golf courses, Florida’s Disney World, South Dakota’s Mount Rushmore, New York’s Broadway shows, Philadelphia’s Liberty Bell and historical sites, Virginia (and DC)’s historical sites, including the realization that “The Smithsonian” museum is actually plural as in “MuseumS”, Louisiana’s LSU university that my husband is a die-hard graduate and fan of, plus all of Nebraska, Tennessee, Oklahoma and Arkansas for our family members who live there now.

– My most favorite state is my own Lone Star State of Texas, where i was born, raised, and still live. We currently live about 8-miles from where i grew up and i love it here. There’s no place like home! i say i will never leave, but depending on where our son —- and my future grand babies live —- i may well leave this great state.

– And…. we practice Domestic Discipline. We have only fully implemented it for the most recent 2 1/2 years, or just 10% of our married life, but it started in smaller ways about 5-years before that. i suppose like our dating life, it took awhile for us to fully embrace this way of life and we played-around with the ideas and ways of it for several years before. While i didn’t truly give David an ultimatum about DD, i did kinda do just that. When i officially decided, about 2 1/2 years ago that i just had-to-have this, i told him and we have been on this path ever since. i can’t wait til our 50th anniversary where i can say we have officially done this for “more than half” our married life.

While i say i wish we had started it sooner (and that’s so very true!), i’m not so sure we could’ve or would’ve appreciated it as much then as what we do now. i wonder if sometimes you have to go through some bad/hard times to truly appreciate the good times.

When you are in the heart of a valley, the only way to see anything is to look up. And in fact, you can’t see much else. To find a way out of the valley and to get to the top of the highest peak, is the goal at that point.

Our marriage hasn’t been without some true deep valley moments, i rather like to say we are currently in a mountain moment. When on the mountain, you can look back down the valley and see with clear eyes where you’ve been, but don’t currently stand. And yet, often times, when i look back at the valley i see it with fond memories of how far we have come. i don’t see all the pain, hurt, and achy-ness i felt when we were actually down in the valley. Or maybe i do see it, but i no longer am surrounded by it. i can appreciate it for what it was and the things we learned when we were standing smack dab in the middle of it.

And i know i never want to go back there if i can help it. (Although i am sure more valley-moments do indeed lie ahead again at some point in our future too!)

So yes, Domestic Discipline has saved my marriage from the depths of the valley. And we will always have this with us as we walk into even more of our older years together. i firmly believe THIS is how we are firmly to live, love, and breath, all the remaining days of our lives together in this world.

i love the Mountain Top view we currently share, and i pray the valley moments coming in the future will be endurable and few and far between.

Happy 20th anniversary to my loving Sir (and myself).

Oh and as to our gifts to one another….. i asked him probably 5’ish years ago if we could get a pool. He now said yes! Sooooo we will be installing a pool and hit tub over the coming months and will have lots of hot, humid, Texas-weather coming up soon to enjoy while skinny dipping in the pool! (That should provide some exciting blogable topics! 😉)

Hugs – and love and kisses to my husband of 20-years –

Marie

168 – Dying to know…. Dom or sub?

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Yesterday was …. my one day to Dominate my Dominant Sir.

On Dec 31, he surprised me and told me i would get one day per year to dominate him, and it was to be Jan 1, yesterday.

While the day went well, it definitely did not go as i had envisioned or would’ve necessarily imagined.

i spent much of Dec 31 thinking on what i’d do as his Dominant, and what i’d have him do as my sub. And many of you gave me many suggestions too (thank you!).

A couple of you even warned me about how it may not go well, and you seemed leery of the idea altogether; thinking that the natural order of things, the balance, shouldn’t be disturbed. You basically told me that upsetting the apple cart on purpose was not a good idea.

All in all though, with my own thoughts and all of yours too (including the warnings), i prepared my mind and i thought i was ready.

Yesterday morning comes and we wake up. Almost without fail, i am out of bed before David by at least/about 15-minutes, and on a normal day he would find me on the couch drinking coffee and on my iPad surfing. Jan 1 was no different. Same start.

What was different though was that i normally greet him, “Good morning Sir,” whereas yesterday i said nothing. i waited for his greeting.

He said, “Good morning.” And i repeated just those two words, leaving out “Sir” on purpose.

He noticed i didn’t say “Sir” and he told me as much. i said, “i noticed you didn’t say ma’am either.” And the line was drawn. Both of us smiled at one another, daring the other to use the title…. neither of us budged. i wondered if he did that on purpose to remind me that i am a sub at heart, but dismissed that notion for the minute.

i had intended to tell him, “you will cook me breakfast and i will be having….” but before i could get that out he said, “I’ll cook you breakfast when you are ready. Please tell me what you’d like.”

Wow. Ok. So he’s going to submit to me without me telling him how to do it, but won’t call me Ma’am. Ok, so i can work with this. (i wasn’t really sure i wanted to be called ma’am anyway, so all good really). He cooked breakfast and we ate.

When i was done showering, he came into our room to dress himself. After drying off and while i was still naked, i laid on my back and spread my legs. i said, “you need to make me orgasm now.”

He then said, “it’s Friday and we probably need to do maintenance first.”

i said, “Dominants don’t get spanked. They do the spanking. So no maintenance today, unless it is on your ass.”

He raised his eyebrows at me and said, “uh huh.” But nothing more.

So i did not do maintenance yesterday and i wonder if it will happen today now instead. If i were to guess, i think it will! And if he doesn’t suggest it, i just may. In order to ensure that we have put the apple cart back upright and all apples are safely inside, just as they should be.

And with that, between my legs he went! i didn’t ask to orgasm, i just did. Because i was the dominant and i didn’t need to ask.

When he realized it, he asked me, “did you orgasm?” And after i said yes, he said, “ok. Good.” On any other day, he would’ve said, “without permission???” And it would likely have ended the session and/or had me turned over for a spanking,

And he kept going. While not spoken in any tone other than kind humility, he said, “you should cum more.” He didn’t use a demanding or commanding tone at all.

After two more orgasms, he then announced he was done and had other things to do. It occurred to me that i should perhaps tell him, “NO, i didn’t say you were done yet so NO, you are not done until i say you are.” But i didn’t. i just said ok. i mean, i was happy and relaxed and wanted to just enjoy those feelings anyway.

As well, i found myself debating about the line of Dominant to a sub or Dominant to a slave. He never agreed to be my slave. And i had just orgasmed 3 X’s too. And he was already being very submissive overall anyway. And the day was still quite young. In other words, i second guessed myself.

This got me to thinking about how often does a Dom second guess themselves? It’s easy to be the confident, bold, commanding Dom in the movies and/or books, but probably not so easy in real life. At least not easy all the time for sure. Maybe some times and in certain situations, but ALL the time??

With that, David went to get his shoes and socks and when i asked him where he was going, he said to the store. i had commented about 2 days prior that some of our lightbulbs around the house were burned out. And i had politely and with proper submissiveness asked if he could get those changed out soon. He was going to buy more bulbs “in order to please” me.

When he returned, he did just that. He pleased me by getting the bulbs all switched out, without me having to remind, nag, ask twice, comment or say a word at all. While it made me happy, it kinda stole my thunder. i wasn’t able to be this imposing Dom telling him what he needed to do and on and on.

Which made me think about how a good sub should do these things and it does make the Dom happy without the Dim having to be imposing or forceful or exerting their power. But how often as a sub had i accused (even in my mind) David of not giving me directives? i have often thought about how he doesn’t tell me enough about what to do or how to make him happy, so i have accused him of not being “Dom-enough.” When in reality, i am likely doing the things that make him happy without him having to tell me, which is even better because a good sub should be in tune with her Dom without having to (always) be told. Most subs do things for their Dom without being told, because they know it pleases them. They don’t need this “all powerful” Dom barking orders at them in order for them to be a good sub.

The day went on like this where many of my honey-do’s were just “done”. And for dinner, he made my favorite meal, pork chops with rice and gravy. (Plus he made cabbage and black eyed peas…. which is a Southern tradition to eat these on New Years to bring about good fortune for the coming year. The more you eat, the more good fortune becomes you. Here’s a great article i found on it: Black Eyed Peas Bring Good Fortune.)

So i had a day that felt like my birthday….. i got many honey do’s done, i got my favorite meal cooked, and orgasmed many times over.

All in all, i think David was probably a better sub than i expected him to be, and i was not as good a Dom as he was a sub. Which also got me to thinking about when a sub is good, does it cause their Dom to think they might not “be enough”? Or as good? i realized the psyche of a Dom may be more fragile than i ever imagined. Or maybe it was just my psyche as a Dom, because it became more and more obvious as the day went on that i am NOT his Dom. Either way, i should praise his Dom-efforts and thank him for taking on a leadership role more often. It’s not always as easy as it seems and praise for good work and responsibilities assumed should be commended.

i will say i didn’t get to spank him, which is one thing i really wanted to do. i only wanted to in order to be able to brag and to say i did. To be able to say, “This is what it feels like.” But he wasn’t ever “bad” to deserve it. Near the end of the day, i told him i wanted to spank him “just because.” In a calm and flat tone, he said, “just remember, tomorrow I am back in charge. So I will submit to it because I said I would, but you may well regret that tomorrow.” So no, i didn’t spank him.

And that got me to thinking one last thought about my Dom, he never just does stuff to me (like spank) just because he can. He never needs to make me feel less so he can be more, which is essentially what i wanted to do and why i wanted to spank him.

In the end, i learned a lot about him and myself. i ultimately learned that he is my Dom and i know it.

While i’m quite sure i could top someone else, i know it’s not him who i can dominate. That’s ok, i learned SO much about the dynamic that i never really thought about before. i learned about things from his (possible) perspective as my Dom and i learned more about myself as his submissive in the process too.

It was an interesting experiment, but i doubt i’ll ever do that again. Unless he told me to, which is to say he would have to Dominate me to tell his Submissive to switch to be his Dominant. And i haven’t a clue why he would ever want to do that, because we don’t need to turn over the apple cart. Ever.

i happen to like the apple cart exactly where and how it is, and let’s just enjoy the apples exactly how they are, without worms, too!

So today, when he wakes up, i will greet him with a “Good morning SIR” and all will be upright and good in my world once more.

Welcome to 2021 where some things changed but most did not!

Hugs,

Marie