171 – A Spanked wife is a Happy Life

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Happy Wife, Happy Life”. But i would propose a change to that phrase to instead read….


“We all know who wears the pants in that family!”

“It’s obvious who’s in charge in that relationship”

These are sentences we’ve heard or even spoken before. The very idea that a relationship has equality is absurd to me. When there are just two people, who are voting their “side,” there can be is stalemate when the two sides are opposing. It results in a 50/50 split. And who is the one to break the tie? Who is the one to relent? Who is the one to say, “we will do it your way.”???

While i think there are relationships that may well be nearly equal in that both sides relent frequently, never is it completely equal. Which means that someone is in control and makes the decisions, and the someone else relents.

That someone who gets the win, “wears the pants.”

That person making the decisions is the natural Dominant and the person who relents is the natural submissive.

In our house, i do not even try to be equal as i don’t want to be. i want to submit to his will and his authority, as he submits to God’s will and God’s authority. This keeps it all in (our version of) balance.

So the person who wears the pants in this family is NOT me!

But sometimes balance doesn’t stay in balance. And it needs a reset. Or discipline. And in my opinion, the best reset is a spanking.

i did some research and picked out some reasons to spank your wife and how it leads to a happy life. Of course, i picked the ones i wanted to write about and ignored all the nah-sayers, so this is nowhere near official. Lol.

As such… take it as MY OPINION (with support for said opinion).

Reasons to spank your wife…..

#1: Power is Sexy… which leads to LOVE

Powerful people are (mostly) attractive and sexy. Think about some of the most influential people in society and even specific to your life. Odds are, they are confident, in control, (Dominant), and…. sexy.

And where there’s sex, there’s love. Okay, not always, but sexy can lead to love and in any “relationship,” i sincerely hope there’s love!

And if you have enough love in the relationship, you love her enough to correct the misbehavior. And you love him enough to submit to the spanking.

Spanking someone, done from a position of power is love. It means you are loving someone enough to do what is needed, even when it’s hard. And yes, it should be a bit hard for the Dominant to do. Because you don’t want to hurt her, but rather to guide her, and sometimes that requires tough love… and discipline.

#2: It will keep her calm

For me, i am a Dominant woman in much of my outside-the-home life. That may come as a surprise to some of you but it is true. At work, i am a boss. When things flow the way they should, i am calm. But how often does that happen?

At home, i am NOT in control, nor do i want to be. i want to come home and know i can relax and not have to make any decisions. i like to follow rules and directives. But sometimes even that doesn’t happen.

When these things don’t flow in the right order, chaos occurs. Now I know chaos is part of life but i don’t like it! And it typically throws me into a tizzy.

Spanking restores the calm and reason. It centers me. It forces me to focus on just one thing…. standing still and listening to Sir’s voice in THIS moment.

It grounds me, and restores the calm.

#3: Creates Intimacy and Builds Trust

Getting naked and baring your bottom for someone to see (and spank) requires intimacy. Physically by showing yourself to him. Mentally by showing yourself to him.

Yes, i said the same thing for both mental AND physical. Because it’s true. You have to unclothe your physical self AND your mental self to submit to a spanking.

So while you are unclothing and showing yourself to him, you show him you trust him enough to lead you, to guide you, and to be in control…. without abusing that control or trust. You are saying, “i trust you Sir!”

Which ultimately leads to the utmost levels of intimacy for both of you!

#4: Biblical

While you won’t find “spank your wife” in the Bible, you will find, “Husbands are to lead and women are to submit.” And (in my opinion) failing to submit requires disciplinary actions to get things on track.

All the way back to the Bible times, it was clearly written and people accepted it as the way of life, that men and women are not equal. And as such, discipline is necessary.

#5: Love

When you love her enough and care enough to discipline, you care about keeping the love alive and well in your relationship. And when you love him enough, you will submit to a spanking because you will know that it is good for you both. It builds up your relationship in a way that you just can’t imagine. And once you do it, you’ll agree….

The love is deeper and more profound than anything you had before……

And you never want to be wearing the pants in your family again.

But you will want to pull them up after that spanking is done and hopefully you don’t have to do it again anytime soon!




  1. Well Marie, in TTWD there are sometimes doubts on both sides. We are four years along this journey; long enough to know the value of mutually agreed maintenance and thereby, consistency. As a Dom it is so easy to let things slide, particularly when things are good – I mean really good. When there is contentment, happiness, love and even a bit of joy, in these strange times, why would one want to unsettle things with a spanking. For us, for a spanking to meaningful enough, it has to be forceful enough and last long enough; why would I want to do that when things are good. You have just reminded me, with your carefully considered piece. Thank you.

    • Hey Jim! Nice to see you here.

      I know B has felt the way you have about spanking. I also remember within the first few years of this dynamic it became an issue and one at the time which brought upon a discussion on my blog- another Dom said ” Somewhere along the line the need to chastise changed to cherish” and another DD husband recalled his internal fight with this at one point too. For both couples ( and at the time us) this threw a real wrench in the dynamic over time. I always use the car maintenance analogy with B. You have to maintain it BECAUSE it is driving well and you want it to continue to do so. It much more difficult to fix a problem once it surfaces.


  2. Hi Marie,

    This paragraph stood out to me, “That person making the decisions is the natural Dominant and the person who relents is the natural submissive”

    I’m not certain they are the naturals in these situations. I’ve been with a lot of DD couples and before starting the women were the decision makers because over the years the men had just allowed it to happen. Often it started innocently enough, making decisions about the kids and home because that was the area they were most familiar and it went from there.

    One could certainly argue that if these men were naturally dominant that never would have taken place, but trust me these guys were. I think dominance and submission is more based in action and while some people lend themselves to one side or another like exercise,it has to be acted upon to allow it to flourish. Many don’t have or see the opportunity in their relationships to allow or continue to allow that part of them to grow.

    As for the main point of your post, I can relate to the titles of 4/5 though on a personal level my reasonings might be different in the descriptions. Lol

    Hope this post helps with any clarification needed at your house 😉. If not needed now it’s a good thing to look back at in the future.


    • Willie – Your words had me thinking about nature vs nurture. I suppose I would be kinda saying it’s nature and you are almost saying nurture. I know that’s not what either of us actually said, but am kinda thinking about it in this way. You are kinda saying that “nurture” gets some people into a pattern, routine, or way of life that may not be the “natural state”. I’m not sure I’m writing my thoughts well here, but maybe you get it too. I dunno! Lol. Anyway, as always, I value your comments and thank you!

      • *** in response to your comment which will be waaaay off of your original post- lol

        I don’t really subscribe to nature vs nurture when it comes to D/s. I do believe that some people can lean easier into their roles than others for a myriad of reasons ( and who knows maybe that is due to nurture/ life’s adversities) My time in this dynamic and spending time with others who live various forms of D/s, I have observed that even the most D of people still require an active and engaging participate on the other side of the slash ( even if they are occasionally reluctant) in order for their dominance and or submission to work. You can slot that into nurture if you want. In addition the D or s also has to ‘nuture’ themselves as well or eventually this will only go so far.

        If you take dominance and submission and look at it as a talent ( for comparison sake), you can say someone is naturally artistic, musically inclined, athletic, but that will only get them so far. If the individual doesn’t nurture their own talents they will still be left behind the one who appears to not be as ‘natural’ on the onset but continually strives to perfect their craft. It appears to be more about drive than ability.

        I do believe that those who accept their inclination are often deemed ‘ natural’ and others tend to see them as having an easier time of it ( especially other subs looking at ‘natural’ Doms) But I have seen that only lead to upset and heartache. The other side looks greener and when you live on the other side, slip ups can be less forgiving in the eyes of the ‘natural’ or the one who lives with them. I also have seen it been used in reverse as an excuse ” I’m not a natural’.

        I guess for *me* personally I just don’t see value (again for me only) in saying someone is a ‘natural’. It implies that others are inferior (not in your post just on the sub topic nature vs nurture) who are not, but it also implies that they don’t have a difficult time of it either.

        Not sure if that cleared anything up . Lol


      • Willie – I wholeheartedly agree with all of this! To take your analogy even further, I think the natural athlete/artist who finds their passion and nurtures it, will ultimately end up the hall-of-fame types. Because the natural combined with the nurture ends up being a dynamic combo! But of course in anything of life, not many of us are able to find the natural talent/tendency and nurture it into that ultimate success. So yes, one OR the other (nature OR nurture) will get most of us to where we want to be. Which I suppose is why no one can truly prove which is right, nature or nurture, and why it will remain one of life’s greatest mysteries. 😉 You and I tend to come at things from different perspectives, but end up with similar results, which I really like. So I enjoy your comments a lot because I tend to see things from a unique view! (Thank you!). Marie

  3. Marie, that was a skillfully, well written article. I cannot agree with you more and only wish that my husband would have a little talk with me and tell me to go into position for a spanking. I would gladly go get the belt and hand it to him to alleviate my high stress levels!! But me being the submissive, I am not allowed to do that unless its his idea.

  4. Marie I love love loved this article!!! I loved that you mentioned that dominant men are sexy. After consideration I now realize that almost all the men I have ever been attracted to I found dominant. And had this unintentional way to shove me into what I now call subspace. To the point where when I friend of my sister asked me to get him something when I was probably fifteen I lowered my eyes and said yes sir to him. (He called me ma’am when I got him things too. So he probably thought I was just nervous and southern.) I also love that you mention that you are also a dominant woman at work. I was a dominant in your face go get em tiger at school and now at work. And when I come home my version of a cold beer after work is being submissive.

    • Grace, I love your comments. I especially love the “version of a cold beer … is being submissive.” That’s how I feel too! Marie

  5. I am new Dom here. I regularly give my sub maintenance spanking twice a week to get her in the sub space for the week. We have our sessions on a Sunday to set up for a good start for the week. I also give her one in a Wednesday to check in and get to finish off the week in the sub space. Sometimes I feel like moving the spanks to the tits on Wednesdays as these are quick sessions. What are your thoughts on this as a submissive?

    • Troy, I like all this. I wouldn’t want twice a week maintenance myself as it would be too much for me personally. But some couples have it daily even, so I say if twice works for both of you, then go for it! Marie

  6. I love this article. His power is definitely sexy for both him and me, it is a great way to get even more intimate. It always keeps me calm especially when I am stressed out have been disobedient.
    I trust him totally but that grows with each discipline session. I know that I am giving everything to him but in return I am getting so much more back. The bible teaches us to be submissive to our husbands so we know there is a good foundation for what we do.
    I have always loved him and it grows each time he disciplines me.

  7. I am naturally submissive and my husband is naturally dominant. I am disciplined by my husband for disobedience and disrespect.

  8. It is usually with the strap and I seem to be getting it every few weeks. Even though I am trying what I think is my best I mess up. I know I deserve it and I really respect my husband for disciplining me. We have been married 6 months so I hope as time goes on I will need fewer spankings.

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