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Tag: marriage

247 – Doing nothing is helping.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 247 – Doing nothing is helping.

For 2 1/2 years now, no one in my house has had to suffer through Covid. Being able to say that changed 5-days ago. Today is Wednesday and this past Saturday evening, David turned up positive for Covid.

We don’t actually go out all that much overall really. i go to work, where my office is big and spacious. i don’t share an immediate office space with anyone, so i have my own 4-walls there. And while i interact with others at work, it’s usually across the table or room, and not even that much overall. David works from home. And after work, i come home and we sometimes (1 or maybe 2 times a week) go out to dinner. And our son… well… he’s a teen. So he holes up in his room most of the time and we have to “highly encourage” him to be coaxed out of his bed and interact with us. Ha.

We are all vaccinated and have been reasonably careful, at least as much as the next person, too. David does go to the grocery store nearly daily and gets what we need for that day, but isn’t there too long either. Honestly, this routine hasn’t changed much pre-Covid or post-Covid. And i’d say this is what allowed us to be Covid-free for this long.

We aren’t sure where David got it exactly. But on Saturday (5-days ago now), David got very congested and started coughing, and by bedtime had a fever with chills and sweats. He took a home test, and sure enough, positive.

[i do recommend the meds the docs have now, as he got that on Mon and it’s really helped propel him forward and lessened the severity of this all. So if you get it, call the doc pretty soon after and get the help!]

He’s quarantined in our guest room, and i haven’t seen him much at all. He comes to the living room/kitchen mostly when i am not around to make sure i (nor our son) get (too) exposed. Thankfully, so far anyway, it seems our son and i have escaped it! Pray to God that stays that way too!

Needless to say though, i have felt distant and removed from David this week. It’s been hard because he is just right there and yet so far away, all the same.

When my Sir has been sick with other illnesses, i took good care of him. But this illness is one where my only directive has been to cook enough food to include him (and he then makes his own plate from there and eats alone), but otherwise, just stay away. Which of course, is the best way to have this go too, but it’s still quite hard to do.

My natural submissive instinct is to help, not to stay away. Staying away feels raw and cold and selfish. But we all know it’s not.

Thankfully, David has not been too sick overall. That’s probably a result of the vaccine fighting it off and the meds now too, at least that’s my guess. (Got to believe we didn’t take those shots for not!). Making it easier for David to take care of himself, for the most part anyway. But standing by, just one room over, unable to do anything at all makes me feel helpless.

And i don’t like that feeling at all!

i’d say one of the hardest things to do as a submissive, is to follow an order to “do nothing! Stay away!” While my head knows it’s the right answer, in this situation or any other that i am ordered to do nothing, my heart breaks with a desire to help.

This is one of the biggest things i get myself into trouble with…. It feels like it goes against my grain. Like the old adage says, “well, it ain’t gonna fix itself! Get to it!” that doing something is the right answer. But sometimes the right answer or solution to the problem is to shut up, go away, and let it run its course, which is what i am doing.

i am unsure when i will be able to be around David again. In theory, it’s today as he’s been quarantined for 5-days but in reality, he’s still sick too. So i am unsure.

i guess i will be “standing by” for awhile still. 😕

Say a prayer for my Sir to get better, and for me to have patience and endurance to “do nothing” awhile longer too.

UPDATE: i didn’t get this posted yesterday as i fell victim to Covid myself. Now i, too, have Covid. ugh! Even before i had a positive test result, have hated this virus and what it has done to our world. It has forever changed us!

Not much D/s stuff happens when we are both sick. Luckily, David is feeling significantly better now as he got the anti-viral meds from our Doc and our son isn’t showing any signs of anything (yet. 🙏)….. but, here we are continuing to being separated in the same house. 😞

So now please pray for me … that i can get that same medicine David got, and recover in a few days time also!

Hugs,

Marie

240 – Being apart; Vacation time

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 240 – Being apart; Vacation time

i can’t remember the last time that David & i were away from one another as long as we recently were. It may have been next to never that we’ve been apart for nearly 2-full-consecutive weeks!

Our son and i went on a school-sponsored group trip to the UK, where some of his fav friends & fav teachers were on the trip with us too. We only just got back yesterday from being away 12-days. David did his own thing for the duration.

It was a great trip where we constantly on the go, where we went and saw so very much. When i say on the go CONSTANTLY, i mean we got in bed at midnight, out the door at 7a, and logged between 6-10 miles (20,000+ steps) daily.

i barely had time to even greet David with a text, let alone a phone call or a proper conversation. While i knew he was ok with it and understood, what would that mean for our D/s (only recently headed back onto the correct tracks!) relationship? Only time would tell!

Upon arriving home, i was so apprehensive but hopeful!

i was so pleasantly surprised to see he slid right into his Dominant role, and i into my sub role, without much issue or difficulty at all. After such a long lay off for the first MANY months earlier this year, i was praying this separation would be good and not bad. i prayed we would pick up where we left off, not revert back to where we had been.

When i got home, little things were said to me that let me know that i am his submissive wife and he is my Dominant husband. All quite good and pleasing to my ears.

One of the biggest examples, which shocked me really and was not so good, was he told me not to shave off the pubic hair that had grown in while on my vacation. i actually thought he was joking, since of course, i have been hairless for years now. In fact, (small squirrel trail here…), i used to wax it off. But several years ago, after having a discussion where i asked him, “would you rather have me waxed bald and super clean every few weeks for about a week, or, have it shaved off daily but possibly miss some, but mostly clean daily?” …he chose daily shaving so i have shaved daily ever since.

Now add to those thoughts that before i left, i said that i wasn’t planning to shave while on vacation and his response was, “That’s fine, so long as I never see it,” implying that as soon as I’m back home and in his presence it was shaved off.

So with my assumption that he was indeed joking when he said the words to leave the hair, with my first shower at home, all hair was shaved off clean. And i was wrong. You know where you get when you assume…. Yeah, well, it made a disobedient not-so-submissive wife of me!

He said, “Seriously? You already are aiming to be spanked and you haven’t even been home a full 24-hours yet?”

i obviously backpedaled to explain why i was sure he was joking and i just got a smirk and a “hmm” response. i did manage to escape punishment, which may or may not have been a good thing, but it was but a few short hours home and i was (pleasantly) reminded who is in charge too! And i had zero desire to start back home with discipline too!

[Another squirrel trail…. now though i am unclear what to do about the hair…. Do i let it grow back in? If i do that, i would be back to where he apparently wanted me to be, but is that now “too late!” Do i shave as always? That would be continuing to ignore the directive and continuing the assumptions that shaving is the right answer, which were clearly incorrect! Do i ask for clarification? But would that just be bugging and obnoxious of me, provoking annoyance on his part toward me, causing more trouble?! i am in a predicament now….. to which today i will need an answer before the shower comes! Not clear yet which way i will lean!]

Routine and pattern are so critically important for me. Really, i think for him too, but that’s not exactly my place to speculate i suppose. The knowledge of what it is i am to do, how to act, what to say (or not), etc comes so easy when i know. And with my natural tendency is to be submissive (and his natural one to Dominate too!), being in a D/s relationship with consistency is necessary to have harmony! But when we take lay offs, it is (usually) a challenge to get it back. i was SO happy that it seems this time will NOT be a challenge!

So you can imagine how pleasing it was to hear when Sir said today we are going to resume Maintenance Spankings. That’s such a weird thing to be pleased about…. Being spanked. You’d think it would be less pleasing and not more. But again, routine and familiarity is so soothingly comforting for me, i welcome it!

While being spanked – for discipline or maintenance- truly does sting my ass in a huge way for sure, overall it gets me in the right submissive mindset. i would say being a submissive is more about the mental mind aspect than it is about the physical ass-spanked aspect. Of course, the spanked ass works in concert to get my mental mind in the right place, so the spanking serves its purpose and reaches my ultimate goal…. To be the best submissive wife i can be!

i have spoken several times about maintenance, but it’s worth saying here and now that “practice makes perfect.” That’s true for David and his confidence in being in control as well as perfecting his technique, but also for me in my acceptance of it. To be naked is to be exposed. To be spanked is to be humbled. To accept it with grace is to be submissive!

But it hurts….. my ass burns afterward. Frequently it feels on the raw-side. It stings and is hit to the touch for a good long time. Suffice it to say i do not enjoy the spanking or the pain that results, but i accept it.

And practice makes perfect. And routine is good. i feel utterly relieved now that our D/s with DD (domestic discipline) relationship appears to be alive and well.

i am grateful we are able to come home after being apart such an extended time, and that all is the way it should be! ❤️

Hugs,

Marie

236 – The drought has ended…maybe. Hopefully!

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i would certainly not say the flood gates have sprung wide open but beings as i was caned this afternoon, the weather forecast seems to have changed too.

My in laws are in town and I have been flirting with David the entire week they have been here. I’ve done it in a nonchalant way that could have gone unnoticed by most, including my in laws, but not by David.

Yesterday i inserted an anal plug in my ass, and texted David a picture. His response was a “hmm.” i admit, that response fully annoyed me. i wanted (needed!) more. A L-O-T more!

i left the plug in all afternoon. When we went swimming, i made a point to tell David it was still inside and swimming with us.

i have tried before to train my ass to accept a plug for a full 24-consecutive hours and to date have not succeeded, i do hope to get there one day.

i haven’t a clue why this is such a recurring goal for me…… Except i suppose i do know why after thinking about it a bit. It feels like an achievable goal to be able to manage and control my own body by pushing it past a limit that my body seems to want to maintain. i won’t do anything so extreme to cause myself to have medical issues, but i know i can master it. It is a power of mind over body that i want to gain. And as such, it is a great turn on for me.

That was probably a squirrel trail though, as it wasn’t too relevant to today’s topic of … weather. Which has shifted a bit. For the better. Even though it seems to be rainy.

While in our backyard pool, with our son and his parents inside, i tried to get David to sexually touch me and get me to orgasm. He got annoyed. He didn’t get completely angry, but definitely not happy either. The clouds were setting in.

And i did not get the O that i was seeking.

When we got out of the pool, and we’re in our room drying off, he said, “Take off your swimsuit. Get on the bed. On all fours, where your ass will face me so I can see the plug.”

i smiled and eagerly complied. i was happy to do as told, as i didn’t think this was leading to anything bad or negative. Why would i have assumed that? We have been in a severe drought mode lately! i assumed i was about to get my wish for him to have sex with me, in some form or fashion, and i’d get that orgasm after all.

But you know what happens when you assume, right?

He got the cane out. Ut oh.

i get asked frequently about whether being spanked with the cane or spanked with the paddle is better or worse. And which one of the two that i like (or hate) most. i would say that neither is better or worse, they are just quite different from one another. The cane has a very different, dialed-in, specific sting when it makes contact with my butt, compared to the paddle that is a very broad, all-over smack. They both hurt, but in very different ways.

The cane is very silent. It’s quiet effective for times when there are other people in the house. He told me to accept this caning with the same volume from my lips as the cane, which meant he expects to hear nothing. That is always a challenge.

As he delivered the swats he told me how i have been a bad girl flirting in front of his parents, in such overt ways that likely made them uncomfortable. When i started to squirm, i grabbed a pillow and buried my head in it to keep from making audible noises.

And that’s when i felt his touch. The caning continued with one hand, while his other hand explored my sex. He made a comment about how wet i was and that clearly i am turned on.

Pleasure and pain. i felt them both. And it was indeed a turn on.

i was physically turned on by his hand, but i was also mentally turned on with the idea that of his dominance had possibly (finally) come back to me. i enjoy submitting to my husband, and i know he enjoys having it. But words without actions frequently are moot, or maybe even mute. So the idea of being caned was quite a turn on for what it may now mean might be returning to our marriage. (The actual caning hurt like crazy!)

He urged me to give him that orgasm that i so wanted to have. And so i did. It flowed hard and fast from my body, all the while i bit down on the pillow to keep from making any noise at all. The orgasm flowed, while my butt was turned a bright red from the cane.

So the rain came down and i enjoyed it. i let the lovely wet feeling completely encompass my body, mentally and physically.

i continue to pray his dominance will return in full. While i am unclear yet if the drought has officially ended, i do know there was wet rain falling today! And it felt good!

Hugs,

Marie

233 – i prayed for patience

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Quite a long time ago….. like nearly 20-years ago now, i prayed to God to teach me patience. After about a year of enduring situations that demanded patience, i heard myself begging God to let me take back that same prayer… “Yeah, God… uhm… can we forget we had this little talk, shall we?”

i hated it! The only way to learn patience is to experience it….. to be patient. And wait.

To this day, i do not think God forgot. i think He merely laughed. And He put me into other various situations to continue to test my endurance… and patience.

Patience often means self control, which also means self discipline. i don’t mean self discipline as in self inflicted spankings, but rather more like controlling myself to avoid getting into a situation needing physical discipline at all.

Self discipline and self control are very much related and/or the same thing, but so is patience really. We all must learn these virtues throughout life. It’s what keeps us out of trouble.

So all of this can be hard under normal circumstances but add to it a D/s dynamic and it [being patience!] becomes very nearly required and yet… sometimes impossible.

i find myself having to exert a LOT of patience these days as i wait on David to decide if/when he wants to be in an (active) D/s relationship…. And let me tell you, it is pure torture.

But today i see it is already starting to payoff. i know what you are thinking…. “It’s just been a few days!”

But that’s because i only just told you about it. i just didn’t have the courage to tell you. Or maybe it was more like, i didn’t want to admit it… even to myself!

We started not (actively) living this lifestyle just after Christmas. It wasn’t a particular day or time that we decided to stop but rather the D/s activities just started to fade away over time.

So i have been praying and waiting and enduring …. And practiced building PATIENCE…

Today, i saw a small change. But it felt huge!

David & i were at an event with several friends. David made a comment to one of the friends where he spoke about something and i was quick to correct him. i didn’t mean to snap, but i had information that he didn’t and i blurted it out, effectively making him look (and probably feel) inadequate.

He looked sternly at me where in a hushed voice which was clearly audible for only my ears, he said, “you don’t need to be so snarky!”

i just responded with, “Yes. i agree.”

And i stopped.

Later in the day, hours after the event concluded, out of the blue he texted, “I noticed you listened.”

i knew what he was referring to immediately and i smiled. He noticed! i texted back, “as i mentioned, i intent to be the best submissive wife i can be. If you choose to enforce it, i would love that. But i know it needs to be your decision too.”

A minute later, i saw the tell tale blinking …. The Dots….. he was texting back….

And i waited more…. Exercising more patience!

That’s when his message came through and it said, “I likely will.”

And i feel confident, he will. Just can’t wait til he does…..

Ok.

i know.

i have to.

Wait.

BE PATIENT!

Hugs,

Marie

231 – Can’t force it. Just let it be.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, My Dominant Sir, Submission. No Comments on 231 – Can’t force it. Just let it be.

Sometimes you learn exactly what you are, and exactly how to act, and exactly why you do what you do. And sometimes that happens all on your own.

That’s what’s happened to me.

While i have been incredibly happy to submit, for years now, i know that David has not always been so receptive. In fact, sometimes if it weren’t for me FORCING our relationship into the box i wanted it to be (one of D/s or DD), D/s wouldn’t be a thing for us.

Don’t misunderstand, he has loved my submissiveness. He just hasn’t always liked the Dominant role i thrust him into.

In times where i have been absent from this blog is primarily the same times that i have given up on the whole idea and thought, “This is dumb!” The “Whole idea” being both about D/s AND this blog.

In times where we have been spot-on and doing/living the D/s dynamic, we are great. We are alive with newness and excitement, and we never fight. Because we don’t need to fight. Because we are exactly aligned. Which is exactly why i love the dynamic and living it too.

But if it’s forced, it’s not good.

i decided with the new year for 2022, i just wouldn’t. i wouldn’t fight for it or force it or try to make it to happen in any way. i haven’t pressured David to do what HE doesn’t want to, or that HE didn’t initiate.

While we’ve had a good 2022 in these many months, it’s been almost exclusively with a vanilla/normal relationship. It was as if the D/s dynamic just faded away until its just nothing more than a memory to talk about in a nostalgic way… like “remember when we used to….” type way.

The fact he doesn’t ever bring it up or talk about it, let alone act on it, and has told me that he’s just not that into it. So i have let it drop. Mostly.

It saddens me to NOT have it, but it is what it is. i can’t be submissive and force him to be a Dominate at the same time. He isn’t a puppet to just merely act the part that i have written the script for.

But i know who i am. And i am submissive.

To Him.

Only.

i have tried to pretend its not me, that it’s not who i am. i have tried to forget about it too, and act “normal”. But. i can’t. i can’t forget. And i realize MY normal is being a submissive.

i have come to realize all this all on my own. i can’t change him into what i want. He has to want it. But likewise, he can’t change me into what he wants me to be either.

What i know without a doubt = i am His submissive.

And i have decided to start acting it more than talking about it. i have also decided to stop trying to force him to act like he’s my Dom too. If or when he wants to, he will have an open door.

i decided to tell him all this today, much in the same way i just told you. i think it surprised him as i think he has assumed i was over it. i think he thought it was a fad for me. And now that we haven’t done it (lived or forced it to happen) for many months now, it was a long-ago-forgotten memory.

i don’t know what this means or how it will play out exactly. But what i do know is that he’s always been and always will be my Sir. And i will acknowledge and show him the respect that entails for as long as i live.

Maybe one day he will want to be my Dom all on his own too. In the meantime, i won’t force it, demand it, or try to just get it to happen. i will be the submissive wife i have proclaimed to be. And let the rest all be what it will be.

i don’t know what that means for this blog either. i will probably be here telling you about me and my side of the story, but … that’s pretty much what i have already done for more than 2-years too! So … probably no real changes there. Ha!

For the first time ever though, i am going to absolutely refuse to top-from-the-bottom now…. i always knew i was kind of doing this, but now i know it’s not ok.

i will say prayers that David decides to be my Dominant Husband, and not just my Vanilla Husband. But either way, i will be his submissive.

Hugs,

Marie