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106 – Sometimes Submission Hurts.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Punishment, Spanking, Submission. 7 Comments on 106 – Sometimes Submission Hurts.

More backstory…..About the Worst Spanking Everrrrr.

i heard your concern. And i truly love all of you for feeling comfortable enough to express yourself.

But i think maybe i need to share more with you about what led up to The Worst Spanking Everrrr too. Because context is everything and frankly, i just am not sure i have given you enough.

i always debate how much backstory to give, how much is enough or not enough. i always worry i will bore you (and me too!!) with all these unnecessary tedious details. So sometimes, and this may have been one of those times, some of the details are NOT unnecessary and NOT tedious …. so here goes…..

Did you happen to notice i didn’t give you a lot of info about our vacation? YES it went well. YES what i said was true. i just didn’t go into a lot of detail either……until now…..

Soooo while we stayed in someone else’s house and with our son there too, we knew the discipline would be nonexistent. And i also knew from prior experiences that while David TALKS a lot about keeping a list, tracking the transgressions, making amends upon return…. he almost never follows through.

And i knew it. So every time something happened on vacation that i didn’t like or agree with, i told him. Quite plainly. Quite intentionally. Quite literally….. to test him.

Ok, so that last bit….. testing him….. that was raw and it hurt to type it. i wish i hadn’t said some of the things i did while on vacation. And i was MUCH more bold at the start than at the end. But what’s done is done!

At the start of the week, i was bold and proud and stated what i wanted to in any way i wanted! And he would say, “watch it” and i said “ok”. And he’d say, “I mean it!” And i’d say, “Yes Sir.” But it didn’t deter me. Not really anyway.

This pattern of “edgy – not-so-submissive” attitude and behavior continued. i knew i was playing with fire, but like a fire…. i expected it would eventually flame out and by the time we were home, it would be nothing more than ash.

Since i haven’t given you even one example of what i’m talking about, let me give you one now….

And i was reminded of this particular one because of the word “fire”…….

The people’s home that we stayed in had an outdoor hot tub and fire pit next to one another. We went and got stuff to make s’mores. And i asked David to find out about how to start the fire pit (gas, logs, etc). But he didn’t. And the next day, i said, “we want to do this and you should see about asking today!” He (again) warned me to watch the tone. And i said, “ok.”

Later that day, he started the fire and told us. But our son and i were playing a board game at the time (that easily could have been paused!) and i just said, “ok, we will finish this first.”

And he said, “The fire will go out soon if you don’t get out here and do this.”

i responded, “well fine then!” (In a sarcastic tone). And we went outside.

Then after s’mores, he cleaned up all the remnants (wrappers, extra supplies), and put out the fire while we got in the hot tub. i don’t remember even thanking him, and being honest, i was wondering why he was taking the time to get water and douse the fire logs to put out the fire (100%). i thought it unnecessary since the fire pit was a brick/stand alone put and it seemed a waste of time. ………. (Never mind the fact that “IF” it was needed and NOT done, the whole house could’ve burned down! So the real risk was NOT putting out the entire fire, compared to taking a few trips to get cups of water to fully extinguish the flames.)

Just to put a bit of “good” in this post…. here’s a picture of the sunset view we had that night…. from the hot tub…… (isn’t it absolutely beautiful????)

Now i know that wasn’t such a “terrible” situation but it wasn’t anywhere near “great” either. i was sassy and showed no respect for David. Equally, i also didn’t even appreciate the fact that he not only asked (the homeowners) about the fire …. but he actually went and started it too! And then put it out. And then allowed me and our son to sit and relax in the hot tub too.

And after that attitude and behavior are repeated over and over …. all week long…… it adds up.

And again, i was more or less … testing him. But again, i didn’t figure the Fire would be even be a lit when we were home, so i gave no concern!

Like before, with my previous Post, i guess i haven’t still given you a bunch of examples or specifics. But like before too, i don’t know if all that is necessary or not. If you think it IS necessary to have those details, go ahead and ask!

Then when we were leaving the airport to head home in our vehicle, it seemed David was driving unnecessarily aggressive. i think he was just ready to be home. So i said, “we aren’t in a rush. You need to slow down. This is aggressive driving and not necessary.”

He just glared at me at me and said, “quite enough!”

So i didn’t exactly slip back to submissive ways upon arriving back home! And while what i observed about his driving was indeed true, i didn’t say it at all kind! And our son heard it too. So i didn’t set any sort of positive/good example either!

And just like that… We were home….. and no punishment happened.

It seemed i was right…. the fire had died and only the ash remained. As usual. Per always. No big deal.

There’s NO burn from just ash!

Except it was….. A big deal…..To Me! i didn’t think that’s how it should go. If he isn’t going to follow through, then why waste the breath to say the words? Why even start the fire?? And if you are, then just use that breath to blow it out right then and there!?!

Then you come to yesterday…….

i have told David in (a few) words here and there that i don’t want all the golf lessons. But not very directly or clearly.

i went out to the course with an attitude. i knew it when i got in the car! And it showed itself when i was warming up. And he warned me then.

If you remember, that was when he said he’d take me to the woods and spank me then and there. And i called his bluff. i knew he wouldn’t do it! And i told him so!

So when i blamed him on the course for me having a bad putt…. and he KNEW that i knew to watch the tone and attitude and he had ALREADY WARNED ME!

THAT was when he got angry. And THAT was when he took action. And THAT was when he told me to walk home.

Now ….. i feel like you need a bit of my backstory/thoughts on this too……

We have a LONG history of getting mad at one another and leaving/walking away. Instead of me just doing it (or him just doing it), this time he tested me. i had tested him for over a week and now he was testing me.

He wanted to see how stubborn i was going to be. OR would i submit. Would i actually listen!?!

Additionally, i asked him to help me get into shape and Exercise. And what he didn’t tell me was that he planned all along to quit playing golf longgggg before i was home and to pick me up. Because he wasn’t having any fun at that point either. But he didn’t tell me that…. because again, it was a test. For me. To see what level of difficulty or attitude he was really dealing with. But in the meantime, i would walk (a bit!) and get the exercise i would get anyway.

And when he picked me up, the part i didn’t tell you before…. because i truly never know what detail(s) are enough, too much, just right……

i didn’t jump in the car immediately. He drove beside me and stopped. And i kept walking. He moved up and stopped. And that’s when he said, “Are you getting in?”

And i gave the biggest smart ass answer of all. i said, “i dunno. You haven’t given me permission to get in!”

That’s when he got Reallyyyyy angry. He said, “get in the car now or you will be walking all the way home!”

But it took my own self-talk of, “don’t be stubborn. Just get in the damn car!” To actually get me in the car. So i did.

By the time we got home…. ALL of these things had piled up between us. And neither of us had to speak because we both were angry. We both knew that the way i have been acting is inappropriate.

The fire was NOT just ash… it was flaming high! And my bottom was about to touch it!

He has NO problem listening to me speak …. when i do it in the right way. But the way i’ve been doing it poorly for 10-days now. Even i know, it wasn’t respectful or kind….. and most definitely not submissive!

So maybe that helps you to understand WHY i never saw any of this as extreme. It was overdue actually. It was necessary actions by him that were brought on by me.

SOMETIMES SUBMISSION HURTS.

Sometimes it is not so glamorous. And the pain is real. But submissiveness, in our house, isn’t JUST erotic and sexy. Sometimes it is, but sometimes… it’s not. And it isn’t just INSIDE our house either. But that’s how i’ve acted about it. That’s how i’ve treated it lately especially.

So sometimes, my mind needs a reset by causing my ass to be sore.

And that’s when submission can truly hurt! My ass is still sore but my attitude is infinitely better!

Even so…. i am OK! In fact, i’m better than ok!

And when i played with the Fire…. i got burned. A real butt-burner indeed!

Hugs,

Marie

105 – Worst Spanking Everrrrrrrrr

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir, Punishment, Spanking, Submission. 17 Comments on 105 – Worst Spanking Everrrrrrrrr

i now know the intensity to which Sir can swing the paddle!

i did not realize how much i have underestimated his commitment to enforcing the lifestyle we have with him being (truly) in control. Until today.

And that makes you ask, “what happened?” Ok, i’ll tell you how i got here….. “here” being sitting ever-so-cautiously on my ever-so-reddened-and-already-bruised-ass! (It hurts SO bad just sitting right now! It is throbbing and i am SO very aware of it with every breath!)

(NO, that photo is NOT me…. but it probably should have been. And it almost was. And my ass is currently redder than that one is too!)

A little bit of backstory……

When we met, he taught me how to play golf. That was almost 25-years ago. He always has been and always will be better than i am. We both know this, and it’s all good and we regularly play together.

Because he taught me to play, he continues to “teach” me ……all the time…. and i don’t accept it (anymore) as graciously as i should or used to. Oh sometimes i like it even now, and i used to always like it… back when i still endeavored to play better. But now, i am to the place that i have a good “enough” game that i know i can play with anyone, so i can just want to go have fun!

So with the “help” that Sir (continually) offers, i feel like every decision i make… club choice, stance, target, alignment, swing, follow through, and …..my attitude…. is under a microscope and all of this takes the fun out of it. Again, at this point in my life and skill set, i just go out to have fun and enjoy the friendship with Sir and others we play with too. And i truly don’t care about improving.

i have considered quitting the game altogether, but i keep thinking i will find a way to tell him, “i just want to have FUN! Please Sir talk about something – anything – except for how to improve my game.” If i could do that, i would still be able to go out to enjoy the game and time together with my Sir. But i continue to fail in this endeavor.

And today’s failure was epic!

We went out this morning and were playing with some friends. This is all good.. so far anyway.

When we were still warming up, he offered some “help,” and i said, “i got this.” And i guess i said it too aggressively or annoyed or something because he came back at me and said, “Don’t test me! You know you are to submit! If you don’t, I won’t hesitate to take you in the woods and use my belt on your ass!”

i said, “Yes Sir” out loud…..

But THEN a minute later i added, “While i heard what you said, i truly don’t think you’d do that. You aren’t going to embarrass either of us in front of all these people or make an awkward moment for our friends.”

And he asked me, “Are you testing me?”

To which in my head, i thought, “Indeed i am! i truly don’t think you’d do any of that! So why even say things we both know aren’t true or really EVER going to happen!?!??”………

But out of my mouth, i said, “No Sir.” (i do keep my mouth shut sometimes! But not often! Lol)

And with that, we were off to the first hole. Then it was on the 3rd hole, is when the real problem occurred!

i was about to putt when he said, “It’s uphill.” (Meaning, hit it a bit harder.) And i thought, “Ignore it. Just have fun.”

But that’s when i slammed the putt and sent the ball wayyyyyyyyyy past the hole. That’s when i looked at him and said, “Yes, i knew it was uphill.” And while the rest of our group heckled me for hitting the ball into another state, David was angry.

As we got back into our cart, he said, “Do not EVER speak to me that way again. It was completely unnecessary and uncalled for!”

To which i responded, “Yes Sir.”

And while i was silent then on, it went downhill from there. A few holes later, after we had sat in complete silence…..he said, “You need to walk home. Now!”

So while i was COMPLETELY angry and did NOT think this was necessary…. i did as i was told. i reallyyyyyyyy wanted to tell him that this was extreme and uncalled for. But i didn’t. i didn’t say a word at all actually, and got out of the cart and started walking. It was probably a 1/2 mile back to the clubhouse, and we live 6-miles from the club too. i did NOT want to do this but i also knew i had to! And i decided that by the time i would be home, not only would i get my steps in for the day, but i would have worked out this anger too.

When i was gone about 5-minutes (not long), Sir texted me and said, “Do not EVER blame me again for something you did!”

Well…….. i knew i should’ve simply said, “Yes Sir” and left it alone. But i didn’t (🤭). Instead, i said, “i heard you the first time and i said ‘Yes Sir’ then and i was silent afterward. And then you tell me to walk home.” (Yeah… i know…. not smart!)

He wrote, “Yes I did! And do you have an issue with that?”

Again, the right answer would be, “No Sir” and be done… but nah…. that’s not my style….. sooooooo….. i wrote……

“YES i do! i did as i was told, yet, you are still mad and taking it out on me!”

And he wrote, “So you are refusing to submit?”

i wrote back, “So i AM doing as told, and i AM walking home. But YES, i do have an issue with it!”

And that’s when i just “had to add”……

“and when i pass out on the road – you have only yourself to blame!”

Yeah, i know…. i was COMPLETELY out of line…. but hey…. go big or go home…. oh, wait, i WAS going home! 🤣🤣🤣

And we texted no more.

i probably walked a mile from the course when he pulled up beside me. And i got in and we drove home in complete silence. (i was pretty grateful when drove up because i was pretty concerned if i’d be able to walk ALL the way home without bodily damage… aka: blisters, heat stroke, severe aches/pains. There IS a reason i want to Exercise… but three days in, i’m NOT in good shape…, yet!)

When we pulled in the driveway, he said, “Go inside and Assume The Position Immediately.”

And i did as i was told. Still in complete silence.

He came in and picked up the paddle and wasted NO time in getting to the point.

WHACK!

WHACK!

WHACK!

Three in a row. NO warm up AT ALL! All with such intensity that i was already cringing and moving around.

WHACK!

WHACK!

Five before he said a word! He asked me, “what makes you think that you only have to submit to me inside our home? “

WHACK!

“Why do you regularly test me and my authority when we leave home??”

WHACK!

“Do you think you are in charge and can only submit when YOU want to?”

WHACK!

Eight in. He never let up long enough for me to respond, so i wasn’t sure if i should try. But i was hyperventilating and felt the tears welling up. He has never hit with such intensity before. i was in shock and surprise.

While we DO have safe words and i debated using it today, i KNEW i HAD to accept this punishment in all that he would administer. So i know now that i will NEVER use those safe words. i don’t need to. i AM already safe. i trust Sir implicitly. i know he will give me what i need and deserve. i also know he will never abuse the power we have both agreed belongs to him. And i will always submit to everything he gives me!

WHACK!

When will it be over? Should i speak now? We’re all those questions rhetorical? We both know the answers already anyway!

WHACK!

Ten. Maybe that’s all.

He said, “Do you know who is in charge?”

This time, i did respond, “Yes Sir. You are.”

“Do you intend to submit 100% of the time from now on?”

“Yes Sir.”

WHACK!

Crap… more. i can barely breath or talk and the tears are in my eyes. How many more??

That’s when he stood me up and hugged me for a good long time….. fully until i was able to breathe again and completely calm. Then he said, “we are done. But you’ll do better in the future. Correct?”

“Yes Sir.”

And i put my head down and walked to the bathroom to shower and truly/completely recover.

That’s when i thought it was over…… And i was wrong!

He came in about 5-minutes later. i was still in the shower yet. And he said, “I didn’t get the impression you were truly remorseful. We may need to start all over.”

And he left.

That was confusing. Now what? Do i re-Assume The Position or not? Please no! My ass stings so badly and the shower water feels like it is spanking me too as i clean it!

But i got out of the shower, went to him, and said, “i am remorseful, but if you don’t think i have acted so, i will submit to a repeat session.”

And he looked me square in the eye and said, “I think we do! Let’s go! Right NOW!”

And he followed me in the bedroom. And we repeated it!

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

And just like that… the hyperventilating and tears returned.

After FIVE more and no pause or words in between, he said, “why did you slink off to the shower? You didn’t seem remorseful but rather still angry. Inappropriate!”

As i was trying to breathe, unsure if another lick was about to fall, and trying to compose myself and thoughts enough to speak…. i said, “i was feeling surprised, humiliated, and trying to stay out of more trouble by just keeping my head down.”

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

“WHO is in control?”

“You are Sir!”

WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

“WHO?”

“You Sir. i’m so sorry Sir.”

WHACK!

“Say it again!”

“You are in control Sir and i am sorry Sir.”

Breathe….. prepare for another…. it isn’t coming…. he isn’t speaking….. wait….. breathe slower…. get a grip…..no more are falling, i think maybe it’s over….. this is a long pause….. i am nervous. But i WILL SUBMIT and simply wait!

He stood me up and looked at me.

i looked him in the eye and said, “i am sorry Sir. Thank you for the discipline and your leadership.”

He then said, “I now believe you are remorseful. Why didn’t you apologize the first time?”

“i was embarrassed. And surprised at your intensity. And at your commitment to being in charge. And i wasn’t sure how to respond exactly.”

“In the future, you look me in the eye and you thank me. You don’t slink off or put your head down. Or else we will repeat the punishment again and again until you do.”

“Yes Sir. i love you Sir.”

And he hugged me, and said, “I love you too!”

And it was (finally) over.

And now my ass is more sore than it has EVER been. It hurts to walk, sit, or stand. It is bruised. And it’s no wonder, with 24 very hard and fast whacks in a span of about 20-minutes.

i have NO doubt it will hurt still tomorrow too!

But… it’s over. And it’s ok. i am OK!

i actually respect him more. He is indeed in control. And i have NO doubt he will do what it takes to ensure order remains inside AND out of our house too!

Final words….. so while i names this post “worst spanking ever”…. ,Anne it was the “BEST spanking ever” because we had a break through. A lot changed today….namely: my perspective. And appreciation. And respect. For David. My Sir.

If i had any doubt before, i have NO doubt now……. he is indeed my Sir. And i will always very happily submit to him!

Final (final) words…. to DOMINANTS…… while i can’t speak for all submissives, it is my opinion that we respect you MORE for taking control and doing what needs to be done. Instead of giving a pass, letting something slide, or shying away from discipline altogether. Remember…. many of us, including me, asked you to implement this lifestyle. We know what we signed up for. Please do! Embrace it. Go all in!

And that’s how i feel…. more respect now than ever…. at least until the next time i sit down. JJ. Lol.

Hugs,

Marie

103 – BFF’s compete for my love.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 103 – BFF’s compete for my love.

It is hard to have two best friends who are completely opposite of one another. The only thing they have in common is their desire to spend time with me. So it’s time i pick between my friends and make one be my BFF and turn the other out on the street.

Exercise and Chocolate. These are the two that constantly compete for my time. And i admit, i really love chocolate and i (mostly) grunt when Exercise feels ignored. But it’s time i tell Chocolate she can no longer dominate my world and Exercise must come first. That said, Exercise and me have NEVER seen eye to eye. i have never wanted to be buddy buddy with Exercise. When she’s wanted to be in control, i’ve humored her but never really submitted to her. But now, she’s going to be my BFF and i will allow her to truly Dominate me the way she’s wanted to for so long!

i am going to (learn to) love Exercise the way i have loved Chocolate.

It is time that i turn my back on Chocolate! Maybe she will in time learn to share me with Exercise instead of trying to Dominate me. i must tell Chocolate she is no longer in control and it’s time she switches to be submissive.

Why this change of heart towards Chocolate? What did she ever do to me?

i’ll tell you what she’s done…. she’s made me overweight, lazy, and out of shape. And for a long time, i’ve allowed her to do so because she makes me feel good. i have enjoyed the control she exerted.

But on this trip to CO, i didn’t feel so good at all. i can tell that Chocolate has been in control for far too long, which caused me to be full of aches and pains from sore muscles. While we had loads of fun horseback riding and white water rafting, Chocolate has made Exercise be the hated enemy for so long that now my body hurts. And Chocolate hasn’t brought the satisfaction and joy she once did. And it’s time i stop snubbing my nose at Exercise and start embracing her as the true friend she’s trying to be. Let’s face it, true friends never tell you what you WANT to hear, but instead what you NEED to hear!

i have a goal of 25-lbs weight loss. And i want to do it 1/2 – 1 lb a MONTH. Yes, i’m fully aware it will take a LONG time to get to my goal. And i also know the best way to lose weight is to start with becoming BFF’s with Exercise.

In the past, when i embraced Exercise for all she is, i also start to eat better (RIGHT!). Mostly because i don’t want all that friendship with Exercise to go to waste. And then, i lose weight.

i turn 50 in exactly 16-months. i want to be my very best self on my 50th bday! This is a very long-term goal, but i can do this if i start now. And by starting now, i know that me and Exercise will become BFF’s for life! Starting now is always the best way to begin. To which in the end, my life will be much longer than it would be if i allow Chocolate to continue to be in control!

To ensure i stay on track, i’ve asked David to implement accountability for me. i asked him to implement a daily steps goal for me. i have a watch that can track steps. But i don’t wear it too often. Why? Because Chocolate always told me that Exercise was trying to remind us that she was there …. and Chocolate was jealous that she’d be replaced as my bff!

i’ve had a nice long talk with Chocolate and told her to settle down. That if she would realize that she and Exercise can both be my friend, if they work together. While Exercise has to be made the dominate friend, Chocolate can still play with me too… in moderation and after Exercise has been given her rightful place of being in control!

But ultimately David is always in control. David wants me to be BFF’s with Exercise too. David will ensure i reach my daily steps goal, or else a (harsh and severe) punishment will ensue. i have asked for this…. CONSENT people….as i want to remain committed to becoming BFF’s with Exercise. i don’t know what punishment David will ultimately inflict, but i have asked him to make it be “so severe that i want to do what it takes to avoid it!” And to realize that i would much prefer to take action (by getting in the steps) in order to avoid it!!

His words, “I can do that! And it starts now.” (Because our vacation is over.)

Vacation is indeed over. It was great. And i had loads of fun in CO, and with Chocolate, but now the real work begins. And the best time to start anything new is always to start it “Right Now”!

You can feel free to check in with me periodically and ask things like, “how’s the new friendship coming along?” to also keep me laser focused and on track! i truly DO want to be my best ever when i turn 50.

Hugs,

Marie

Day 16 – My Submissiveness

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on Day 16 – My Submissiveness

DAY 16: DIFFICULTIES…What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Hmm. This is a hard one for me to answer really. Probably because admitting your faults (or difficulties) is never a fun thing to do or talk about. But i guess i’d have to say…..

Not taking over. Not snatching back the authority i gave up. i do this a lot …. with David AND God.

When i was little, my Mom would tell me to “Give it to God.” And so i would. i would pray. And a day (or two) later, i’d (more or less) decide God took too long and i’d go “fix it myself.” Of course, this never worked then or now… but it feels like i am “doing” something!

Some of this “take it back” attitude basically comes from the idea of “empowerment”. Ok, even i’m not sure that makes complete sense in just one sentence, so let me explain…..

i grew up believing some of the rhetoric we hear in life, like “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” And like Nike says, “Just Do it.” And don’t forget the idea of, “you can do anything you set your mind to.”

So…. i have. Just done it. Myself. Anything i wanted to.

Couple this with the fact that i absolutely HATE asking for help. NO, i am NOT too stubborn or too prideful to accept it. Rather i know when i ask for help, i (feel like i) am putting someone else out to have them stop what they are doing and to help me. And i feel bad that i did that to them. (Never mind the fact that sometimes it is/ was their JOB to do what i need… i’ve still felt bad that i imposed upon them.)

The trouble is: i can’t always do everything myself. There are things i am simply not strong enough or have time enough to do myself.

i’ve read several business-minded self-help books that tell you, to know your strengths AND your weaknesses. Focus on your strengths yourself, and hire out (to an expert) your weaknesses, thereby making your weakness into a strength also.

So WHY is giving up control… and not snatching it back…. hard for me?

Because when it isn’t done in my timetable or to my level of standards, i get the attitude of, “get out of my way and i’ll just do this myself already!”

And maybe in some parts of my life (and especially at work!) this works.

But not in my marriage. Or with God.

In our D/s lifestyle, this type of behavior is more commonly called, “Topping from the bottom.” Because the person on “top” should be the Dom setting the standard/pace and in charge. While the person on “bottom” should be the sub, who listens/follows directives and is NOT in charge. So if/when i try to do David’s part from my position, i am topping from the bottom.

It has taken a lot of concentration and focus on my part to NOT snatch back the control i gave up… or might never have even had … and to wait. On David AND God.

Be Patient.

Recognize my way isn’t the only way.

Heck, my way may not even be the best or right way!

And if i stay in my role and do what i’m supposed to do, greater things lie ahead than what even i have dreamt of.

[i’ve been told to pray and ask God to give me patience. i did that once. Never again. i wouldn’t say i learned patience, but rather i learned just how impatient i really am! oh my!]

i won’t tell you i have mastered the “stay on bottom” part, but i do try hard(er) now than ever before. In part because of this blog and a follower. She told me in a comment that was what i was doing, and my first reaction was, “no i’m not. You just don’t know me/David.” i didn’t type that though in my response to her comment, instead i only thought it in my head. Yet, it weighed heavy on me until i changed my thought to be, “ok, maybe you are right.” And eventually i deleted the word, “maybe” from that sentence and let it simply be, “ok, you are right.”

Once i got to that place of acceptance, i have worked to be more submissive……… and patient, waiting on directive, staying in my lane, doing my part.

And when i succeed, i get rewards …… but when i fail, i get a raw bottom.

i will keep fighting against my impatience, work harder, and relish the benefits when they come…. and accept the punishments when they come too …… because as we all know, at that point it’s deserved.

But that is definitely my weakest point and most difficult part as a submissive.

Hugs,

Marie

102 – consent! Consent! CONSENT!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Spanking, Submission. No Comments on 102 – consent! Consent! CONSENT!

i feel the need to clarify —

i fully C-O-N-S-E-N-T to being spanked!

i am truly amazed at those who believe i am an abused, brainwashed, and an enslaved wife.

I …….A-M ……..N-O-T!

i want to tell you a bit about what does NOT happen ….

– i have never cried. i think this is normal though for many people in a D/s or DD relationship. i don’t know why i haven’t cried. i’m unsure if it’s not intense/hard enough, or if i am not remorseful enough, or maybe i mentally separate myself. i dunno. But if David intended time abuse me, i feel sure i’d be in a LOT of tears quite often.

– We have only ever used a belt and a paddle. While i’d love to experiment and experience some other instruments (tawse, crop, whip, etc), we haven’t. i bought a Loopy John, (here’s a pic….)

and David thought it looked interesting so he swatted at my butt one time right after it came in the mail… with my clothes on. And when i yelped, he asked to see my rear end. It left a mark, he apologized/felt bad (!), and while temporary and was gone in a few hours, David says he will never use it again. If he wanted to abuse me, he would have kept on with it!

– David has only once has it left welts on my rear. To which, at the time it happened, i was pretty surprised as i didn’t think the paddle was used enough to create that result. And David was too!

One time, i didn’t want to continue with the spanking and i stood up and refused to let it continue. David through up his hands and while we got into a huge fight, he did NOT continue! If i were abused or enslaved, he could’ve easily tied me down or locked me in cuffs or the room and forced me to take the spanking – it maybe at that point it would be more appropriate to call it a Beating!

– He has NEVER broke anything – mentally or physically on me or our home. If he was an out-of-control Dominant, he could easily do these things (He’s a big guy!) He has no desire to use brute strength to force me to do anything!

– All of everything we do (DD; D/s) has been MY idea from the start! i had to talk him into it. While he sees it works now, it took me the better part of 2-years to convince him to lay a hand (or belt or paddle) on me. And he ONLY does it when he’s calm. NEVER from a place of anger or frustration, which he could easily do!

In the end – i want you to know this is CONSENSUAL in every-single-way! i may be submissive but i have a voice and i am quite capable of speaking my mind! And when i do it with respect and in a calm tone, he hears me loud and clear. And it always results in me getting what i want, need, or deserve.

So please know: i am NOT abused, enslaved, or otherwise brainwashed into this! If anything, David has been brainwashed to my way of thinking!! ☺️. Lol!

But in the end – this works for us! It resolves difficulties and differences quickly and super easily. It keeps respect, truth, and loyalty in our marriage too.

Oh – and – if you think i am crazy, well, i’ve already said…. i just might be!

i would hug you in person and tell you this with my voice if that were possible, but in the meantime – accept my virtual hugs – and trust that i am OK! Actually – scratch that – i am MORE than ok ….. i am happy, thriving, loving life and couldn’t be happier in and with my marriage!

Hugs,

Marie