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76 – Memoir – i asked to implement Domestic Discipline.

Written by Marie on . Posted in My Dominant Sir. No Comments on 76 – Memoir – i asked to implement Domestic Discipline.

If you’ve read the other Memoir series posts, you now know that i didn’t get to this place, being a submissive, in what most might call a “traditional” way. And David didn’t grow up with this lifestyle either it. So this has been a process for us!

  • IF YOU ARE A HUSBAND READING THIS…. i respectfully ask you to really read this post thoroughly. i want you to know…. women ask this a LOT! …..in fact, it is the #1 thing i am asked, and i’ve seen it on other blogs also….. “How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?” These are the questions i am asked the most. Many women want this! Talk to your wife and try it. Read this and Be encouraged! Have faith. Lead your wife and your home. Be courageous! And now off my soapbox…and back to the regularly scheduled program….

So THIS is how we specifically came to be the Dominant and submissive (D/s) couple that we are with Domestic Discipline (DD) in our marriage……..

After i did many years of soul searching and sexual discovery, i came to realize that –

i am submissive.

In fact, i always have been. i just didn’t know it until all the searching ….in my mind, on the internet, and ultimately in the Bible….. led me to verses that most women in current generations have (quite literally) come to hate…Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

But if you go just ONE more verse in the Bible it says…25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

So i started pondering……if THIS is our directive from God, why are we not living this?

Interestingly about this same time, our pastor did a sermon on these verses. He said (basically), “God intended there to be harmony in a household, so he declared one leader and one follower. So he told women to submit. But he didn’t leave men without any directive at all, men are to love their wife…unconditionally.”

That led me back to the internet. “Is spanking your wife biblical??” i mean, what happens if i don’t submit? Shouldn’t there be consequences?

While there aren’t specific things in the Bible saying men should spank women, there’s enough there to make one aware that this isn’t out of the question either. (See this specific blog post that gave me a lot to ponder: Biblical Gender Roles)

That was the day… i went to Amazon and ordered a wooden paddle.

i waited.

It came in the mail.

And that was the day, before i lost my courage, that i knew i had to talk to David about this.

To this point David knew i was getting deeper into all this “sexual stuff” and he saw i was searching (again!) for information and for toys on Amazon (again) too.

When we were both laying in bed, just the two of us, quiet time really, and just before he was preparing to do some nightly reading….. i handed him the Amazon package.

He asked, “what is this?”

i said, “open it please.” And he did.

He held the paddle and laughed and said, “is this the latest toy you’ve bought? And you want me to use this on you?? No. I won’t.”

And my heart immediately sunk. i asked, “why?”

He said, “I’ve always been taught men do not hit a woman. Ever. You know that!”

That’s when i said, “this wouldn’t be hitting me, but spanking me. And i don’t want this to be seen as a sexual toy but rather a method to implement domestic discipline. i want to be the submissive wife you deserve and that God has commanded actually. i want you to lead our household, family, and me. You’ve told me in the past i didn’t respect you, and i now think that’s true because i haven’t built you up to be the man you are supposed to be. i haven’t given you the support i should.

But that means i need you to be dominant. i need you to lead, guide, and be in control. And i will follow. But undoubtedly there will be times when i don’t. i don’t know why or when, but because we are both still humans-with-a-brain, there will come a time that i don’t do these things. And that’s when discipline will be needed. That’s when you will need to force me to submit. And i WANT you to do it. i am telling you these things now, when we are both sober and sane, and i am telling you, i want this! i need this!

So you see, this won’t be hitting me at all. It will be correcting me through love in a way that quite literally makes an impact that will be needed, encouraged, and accepted. i consent fully and i’ll write it down on paper, have it notarized, or whatever. i truly mean this.

David, will you be my Dominant husband and implement Domestic Discipline in our home?”

  • IF YOU ARE A WIFE READING THIS…. Yes, i literally spoke the words out loud! i had NO idea how he would respond and i was quite literally very vulnerable at this moment. But the ultimate answer to the questions….“How can I get my husband to lead/be a Dom, let me submit, implement spanking, implement DD.. how did you get your husband to do it?”…. is to ask! Speaking it out loud validates it… to him AND to you! If you had the courage to ask me, find the courage to now go ask HIM! And once again, back to the program…..

Now if David had acted according to the script in my head, he would’ve said, “yes, you are absolutely right. I will indeed accept this role. We need this in our home. In fact, I’d like to try this paddle out now and start learning how to use it. So get over here and bent over my knee!”

But life isn’t a scripted part. In fact, if it were, it wouldn’t be HIM in control but me! So it’s probably good that he didn’t do as i wanted him to!

What he actually said was, “woah. I thought we were headed to bed! I don’t know about this latest sexual fantasy you want me to act out. I’ll think about it.”

And he turned off the light, put down the iPad, rolled away from me and that was that. It was clear though, the “discussion” (if you want to even call it that) was over.

i went to sleep feeling disappointed. i rehashed that conversation in my head a thousand times, didn’t sleep well, tossed and turned. But i did drop it and let it lie. And i prayed, “God, is this the way this is supposed to go? If it is, i need your help. Either change David’s heart or mine. But we need your help one way or the other. Show him this isn’t a sexual fantasy and i don’t want this to be just that. i want this to be a way of life, 24/7.”

David put the paddle in the bedside stand bottom drawer (and it’s still housed there to this day!) and about a week went by without a word about it, DD, D/s, nothing at all.

And as we were getting ready for bed one night, he said very calmly, “do you still want me to spank you?”

And i said, “yes. As necessary correction and discipline when i don’t submit and ultimately undermine your authority as my Dominant husband.”

And he said, “then get over here and let’s try this out.”

That was when i dropped my clothes, laid on the bed, on my stomach, naked, and waited.”

He basically tapped my ass with it and asked, “Does that hurt?” i said, “No Sir” and that was most definitely the truth!

And he did it again harder, and again harder, and again harder yet. Repeating the question.

When he did about 5 or so, he announced, “that’s enough” and was done.

(i think he didn’t quite believe me that it truly didn’t hurt! And he was probably afraid he would hurt me for no good reason… and thoughts of hitting a woman & abuse of his wife flooded his brain… not to mention, he was likely testing my response too. Was i truly accepting of this? Did i truly want a new way of life or just a sexual fantasy? And with all these new thoughts in his head, he had to digest it too.)

Not one of those taps was even remotely hard. i was encouraged and disappointed at the same time. i couldn’t imagine that this little play-tapping spanks as ever being something that would create a change in me and truly serve as “discipline”. And yet, he initiated this now. He tried. He had been thinking about this for a week. It hadn’t been forgotten about, like i had actually begun to think. In the end, i don’t consider this to be my first spanking, but rather the try-it-before-you-buy-it spanking.

But that’s when he did say, “we can try this if you want.”

And i said, “i want”.

He laughed and said, “ok…. careful what you wish for!”

To which i replied, “i only wish to restore you to the place in our marriage and house that you should’ve always been anyway. As my Dominant Husband. i wish to submit and be disciplined when i don’t!”

i kissed him with passion and he made mad-passionate, intense, “I own you” kind of love to me. And i thanked him.

And that’s when i had the courage to ask, “do you still think we are not sexually-compatible?”

He said, “not anymore!”

i’d like to say we have never looked back, but that’s not quite true. We have refined the protocol, the process, the expectations, and the discipline. He’s gotten more confident as we go, he’s learned to wield the paddle quite effectively, while i’ve learned to say, “Yes Sir” and “Thank you Sir” quite confidently.

And it works! It is exactly where God led me. It is exactly where God wants us to be.

In case you are wondering, yes, we still belong to those dating sites, we do occasionally still meet people and have sex with them, but rarely really. We don’t really have time in our lives to do those things anymore. But if he said today, “let’s go do this thing with X&Y, i’d simply ask, “what’s the attire and when do we leave?” And i’d love every minute of it.

But ultimately we have more conversations and fantasies about it now than anything at all. As a result of ALL this, i trust David fully and implicitly, which is why i didn’t get at ALL upset when he sent me the pic of the masseuse’s pierced nipples. i know my place in our marriage and he knows his. And i am confident in it!

That was when i found other DD blogs, specifically DD Jennifer, and i was inspired by hers to start my own. So go read hers or start at the beginning of mine…. because now you are fully aware of what happened RIGHT up to me starting this blog…. which was also the start of our D/s using DD relationship.

We’ve changed, grown, and improved our D/s relationship over these last couple of years… for the better. i can’t wait to see what the next year(s) hold too!

Hugs,

Marie

74 – Memoir 3 – CHANGE… ME or YOU?

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After that (almost completely) fateful night…. the only “real” change in our marriage for ALMOST A FULL YEAR was that I was tracking his phone, watching his email, scouring the credit card and phone statements, for the express purpose of looking for trouble. I never found any, which really made me wonder if he was just better at hiding it, or if it was truly not happening. I had NO way of knowing what “truth” was anymore.

In short: I didn’t trust him!

i know you are thinking, “what? NO change? Why?” Well…. it is harder than you think and it’s a lot easier to talk about it when you aren’t in the middle of the emotional part of it too!It took a lot of time to even decide if we wanted to try, then work up the effort to make it happen, and then what does this so-called “change” even look like?!?

But after almost another year of me being hyper vigilant and watching him like a hawk, we were both miserable. He got mad at one point and said, “I can’t live with you watching my every move. I can’t prove the negative… THAT is not even possible! What will it take to move past this? I’m still HERE. With YOU. What can I do to prove that YOU are who I want???”

That was the first sign of outward fatigue for either of us. I knew I was already SO very tired of trying to figure out if I should stay, should go, how to make things better, feeling good AND bad…. and ultimately….. I was tired of ….being in control. This was NOT sustainable!

C-H-A-N-G-E was becoming the word of the day and I simply had to stop running from it and start embracing it.

Now you may wonder, “WHY did you stay?” Ultimately, it was because I didn’t know if I should leave.

My parents divorced when I was 5. I remember my Dad and Mom having this vicious pattern where Dad would live at our house for months at a time where we were a “Family” again… and then he’d leave. And then he’d be back and repeat. This went on for many years. And I vowed to NEVER do that wish-washy thing to my kid. I decided to stay, “Until I knew I was ready to leave. For good. Forever.”

So every day for more than a year, I prayed the EXACT same prayer EVERY-SINGLE-DAY, “Lord, I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. But I do know, I need you to be in charge and be in control. If today is the day I should leave, I need you to give me a sign. But if today is the day I need to stay, I will listen and wait on you Lord. Either way, direct my path in the way you want me to go”.

So my decision to STAY was an active decision. It was NOT simply “by default”. Making no decision is ultimately a decision, but I HAD made a decision. Daily!

And that was when the movie “Fireproof” by Kirk Cameron came out. And “The Love Dare” was a thing that sprung from the movie. It wasn’t the best made movie, but when I went to see it (with my mom and sister), it spoke to my heart.

The next day, I bought The Love Dare Book. And it was a 40-day challenge to reign down love on your spouse in a Christian/biblical way …. before you decide to leave/ divorce. And I didn’t tell him at all what I was doing.

The first day said:

I admit, I did NOT do this entire Love Dare with an “all-in” heart. I did this from a “I want to say I tried. And I’m tired from all the other things I’ve done already so maybe this is the thing. So, I’ll try.” So i did it with a Fake-It-Til-You-Make-It mentality.

And holding my tongue that first day was a REAL chore! To which he didn’t even notice. I was not surprised, but I was disappointed.


Day 2 said:

On this day, I bought him a gift. One that was more about the gesture than the gift, but he was surprised. He asked me what prompted it. And thanked me. (He noticed! Progress!)

And this SERVING-HEART continued for many days. I never made it to the end of the full 40-days because we started talking, really talking (!!) somewhere around 10-days in and we started changing……. but more importantly, I started changing!

I no longer saw the problem as HIS fault, but OUR fault. I realized I had done a lot to contribute to David’s unfaithful spirit. I realized I did nothing to bring him home to me and yet he came home anyway. I decided I had to change myself if I was going to expect our marriage to change. And in the end, if I changed but our marriage didn’t, then it was in the Lord’s hands and that would be my “sign” and probably time to go then.

From that point and for Several years forward…… we went into a “sexual discovery” mode of sorts. We started this because I was still angry. He got to have fun, so I should be able to too. But I wanted to do it together, and not behind anyone’s back. (This all sounds crazy to me now, but honestly, I was hurt and mad and sad and unclear and needed to “find a new way” …. to C-H-A-N-G-E). I was unclear if I wanted to be dominant/submissive, sadist/masochist, swinger, tied up/ do the tying, polyamorous, bisexual, homosexual/ (lesbian), heterosexual, and every combination you can think of!

We joined a few dating sites and proceeded to try it all! We went to swinger clubs, we met individuals/groups, we did things alone and together.

And the whole time, I scoured the internet asking questions that started with…. “is bisexual forbidden in the Bible?” And “how do i know if I’m a lesbian?” And “how to have a successful open marriage?” and “is polyamory legal?” And “Is swinging morally wrong?”

And we tried out ALL these things! And I do mean, ALL!

Then we started to find what we liked and didn’t….. through all this discovery, I found that I didn’t like being tall, or Capitalized, or In control…. so i went to being the little i, the submissive, the one being handed orders and not giving them, the one who listened and obeyed. And we ultimately confirmed that David did NOT want to give up control nor was he submissive!

THIS was when i discovered DD. And specifically it was Jennifer’s blog that showed me some of the how-to’s. And how to get it into our marriage fully. i followed her blog and “lurked” for about a full year before i knew this was what i truly needed, with our own twist on it too.

That’s when I started googling things like “is it right to like to be spanked?” And “is spanking your wife biblical?” And “why does the Bible say to submit to your husband?” And “What is DD?” And “What’s the difference in BDSM and DD”.

It was also then that i realized that God answered my prayers. He allowed me to explore with my husband, but never leave him. He allowed me to be with my husband, while discovering who i am. (The little i).

And strangely enough, all that control i tried to hang onto in the start was freeing to give up. i was hanging on so tightly to the sand, that i was crushing it in my hand and it slipped through the cracks. Giving into it freed me. And allowed our marriage to experience the true change we both sought!

Now …. all that was left…. while David basically knew what i needed, we hadn’t actually decided or talked about “this being our way”. Not had i any clue if he’d actually willingly spank me for discipline, and not just for sexual/kink! But i knew… i had to talk to him. And the overwhelming thoughts of “what if he says no?”… loomed large!

i will end this memoir series with the final post tomorrow …. talking about how we specifically talked about THIS thing we do with D/s and DD consequences.

Hugs,

Marie

Day 1 of 30: ME – and My Submission

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YOU…Dominant, submissive or switch? List the parts of BDSM that get your juices flowing, what interests you the most? Basically define your kinky nature.

i most associate with and consider myself to be a submissive. But i think i could easily switch and/or Dom too…. that is, if i wanted to. And i don’t.

First submissive. i love to do as i am told. i am a rules follower. Always have been! The more rules and the tighter the wiggle-room, the better. It takes the guess work out of things. It makes the path narrow. It makes it easy to know right from wrong, and therefore easier to please.

And the consequences. When the rules are broken, there must be consequences. Those consequences must be enacted without emotion. The rules are clear, the consequences are clear, and there’s nothing to whine or complain about. It is what it is!

i love to please… you! i want to be used for YOUR pleasure, not mine. My pleasure comes in knowing i made you happy and pleased you.

And if that means you tie me up, you fill my holes & you call me names, then so be it. i love it when treat me like a well-used fucktoy.

Now the switch or Dom part. i struggle to serve someone who doesn’t take charge and get things done. i don’t exactly respect you and can’t let you lead if you won’t do it well! (Notice i didn’t say “can’t” do it … i respect effort even if it doesn’t end up right as we all make mistakes. Don’t respect not even trying).

Even in my every-day life, when someone needs to volunteer to lead a group, i will wait to see if someone else volunteers first. But if no one does, i will raise my hand and lead the group.

At work, i am very dominant. i have a demanding job and i have 15-people who report to me. They listen as i lead.

So if that person who volunteers to lead, doesn’t do that job well, i can and often do take over. i will get it done on time and accurately!

So you have to be strong-willed, and in charge, and DOMINATE if you want me to follow you. Otherwise, move over, get out of the way, and let someone else lead.

In a nutshell – i prefer to be submissive, but i can be comfortable leading too!

And my husband is my dominant. He leads and i follow. And i respect that!

Hugs,
Marie

12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Uncategorized. 3 Comments on 12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

i have a sister (“Sis”) and her and i are quite close.  In fact, over the 17-years of my marriage to David, he has told me many times over the years that he thinks he is “as married to Sis” as he is to me.  i used to think that was crazy talk and (PRE-DD), i would tell him, “It is what it is.  This is who I am.  You knew that when you married me.  Take it or leave it, but this is non-negotiable and not going to change!”.

And i’d say for the most part, he has taken it as it being ‘how it is’.  We have gone on many a vacations with my sister and/or her kids as well.  They get along alright.  Neither of them think the other is all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips, but they get along well enough that fights don’t break out (too much) either.

But what exactly is the conversation starter to tell your sister, “Hey, I’m now submissive to my husband – yeah, the same one you’ve known for almost 20 years – and no matter what, when, or how he says something, i’ll stop, drop and get spanked at his whim!”?!?

And while my Sis and i talk quite a bit, and we share a lot of TMI with one another too, i had told her (over lunch with just her and me), “Hey, BTW, David and i decided to try a DD relationship”  And she said, “Huh.  Okay.”

And that was that.

i didn’t elaborate. She has asked me since, “So, have you been spanked yet?”  and when i said yes, she said, “Huh.  Did it hurt?”  and when i said, yes, she said, “Huh, what did you do?” and when i told her she said, “Are you happy?”.  That’s when i laughed and said, “i’m not happy i had to be punished, but yes, i am happy”.  And she said, “then that’s all that matters”.

And that was that.. again.

But TODAY – over lunch – was the first time that the 4 of us (David, Son, Sis, and me) were together in the POST-DD environment.

And i didn’t exactly act totally submissive.

Set-up/ Summary so far:  here’s what you need to know:

  • Son knows nothing about anything.  He knows that i defer to Dad on many a topics and decisions, but he doesn’t exactly really know much beyond that.
  • Sis knows about the DD relationship, doesn’t really care one way or the other, but does want it to be something that “makes me happy”.  And it does, so she’s happy about that.
  • David has never insisted that i use the word “Sir”, but he does like to hear it, so i use it regularly but not ‘always’
  • David knows all that i just wrote above, even before i wrote this.

And today, the 4 of us went to a lunch at a restaurant.  Everything was going “okay” until Son started saying he wasn’t feeling well, so we decided to get him to a walk-in clinic and just make sure all is well.

David made an appointment for later today and then said (out loud) to me (where the other 2 could hear):  “Are you taking him to the clinic or am I?”

W*E*L*L – for a split second i thought about the EXACT words that he used.  It was:

  • Phrased as a question
  • Seemed to indicate it was a choice
  • Didn’t sound like a directive or an order

And i contemplated how i should respond.

Old Marie response:    “Well, it sounds like one of us should.  Would you like it to be me?”

New Marie response:  “i will take him Sir.”  (OR) “If you’d like for me to take him, i can Sir”.

And what did i say?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out.

i mean seriously, it WAS a question, it did seem like a choice, and it did not seem like a directive/ order.  Can’t i make a statement without it being ‘wrong answer’??  (i probably could, but it was the attitude that went with the words that i think ultimately was the problem).

Ut oh…. WRONG answer…..

And Sir looked at me with a look of shock on his face, as if to say, “Did you REALLY just say that to me?”  

Before he even spoke, i knew i hadn’t acted properly.

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE is fighting with NEW MARIE.

At this point, OLD MARIE response would be to:  Smile with my very best “i love you honey” smile, with bat my eyes, and seem to indicate i’m asking forgiveness without saying the words.

And NEW MARIE response would be to say:  I’m sorry Sir.  That was really not called for.  (And go to New Marie response above – of “i will take him”)

And what did i do?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out – AGAIN!

i batted my eyes and smiled.

What actually came out of David’s mouth was a stern, “Yes, I’d like you to take him.”

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE decided to give up the fight with NEW MARIE.

New Marie responded:  “Yes Sir”

(YEAH, i got one out of three right!)

And the rest of the lunch was more-or-less uneventful with nothing more being said about that throughout lunch.

i’m not sure if my Sis noticed the slip and the “Old Marie” ways or not.  If she did, she didn’t comment.

THEN WE WENT HOME:

THE VERY MINUTE we got home from lunch, he walked up to me and said, “go to the bedroom”.

i wondered, “what have i done?” but i still complied.  Of course, i’d forgotten (or maybe just didn’t really think much of “old Marie” comments)

He was a step ahead of me, and when we went in, he pulled the paddle out and said, “You aren’t very submissive around your sister! And you didn’t say ‘SIR’ even one time!  Assume the position.”

That’s when he proceeded to remind me of my statements.  And while he doesn’t require “Sir”, we have both gotten used to saying/ hearing it regularly.  i guess not saying it at all was noticed by him, even though i did not notice.

So i dropped all my clothes and bent over the bed with my feet on the floor, hands on the bed, head down, and prepared for a spanking.

And it came.

i don’t quite know how long it lasted but in between each spank, he asked me if i was going to be the “new Marie or the old Marie in front of (my) sister?!”  When i told him “the new submissive, good girl, Marie”, he was pleased.

But he told me, “You can’t pick and chose when to be submissive and when you won’t.  You don’t get it to do it when it makes sense for you and that’s that.”

But he spanked me — hard — and now my butt is red and feeling quite hot and sore.

He said, “if we have to have reminder spankings of how to act or i have to tell you that you can’t see her, i will”.

“NO SIR that will not be necessary.”…. i pray it won’t.

But this was a hard lesson and a hard spanking to take… mentally AND physically!

Why was this relevant?

i didn’t really realize it until i was typing out this blog post, but this was “the first time” i was with my sister, in Sir’s presence also.  i guess i acted a little less-submissive in this company.  i guess i reverted back to the “old Marie”.  Why?  i dunno.  It wasn’t like i intentionally said to myself, “Hey, act like the old you and not the new DD you”.

Some habits are hard to break…. but i intend to keep trying.  i think David wonders “when” will the “New Marie” completely replace the “Old Marie”.  As in, when will we go back to the “old lifestyle” and abandon this new DD submissive style.

i think he wonders when will Old Marie push out her bossy-self onto the New Marie and this will all just be a “time in our lives when…”  And a “it was fun while it lasted” kind of thing?

In fact, immediately after he spanked me, i (self consciously and definitely humbly) said, “Thank you Sir.  For your consistency and observations regarding my behavior and your response.”

He laughed.  When i asked him, “why are you laughing Sir?”

He said, “I’m just waiting for you to regret this DD lifestyle choice and for you to change your mind. (And to let Old Marie take over altogether)”

I asked him, “Do you want me to change my mind?  Do you want to stop doing this?”

And he promptly responded with, “No!  I like this new lifestyle.  But I keep wondering if you do … still.”

And when i reassured him that “YES, i DO like this and i DO want to continue (that i want Old Marie to never resurface and New Marie to always be the new Me!) i think he believes me, but will wonder for awhile yet if “today is the day” that i go back to the Old Marie and abandon the New Marie altogether.

i just have to reassure him that NEW MARIE is here to stay.  This DD lifestyle is obviously not for everyone, but for ME, it really is.  While i’m sure we will fight ‘sometime someday’ again, for now, we don’t (ever) fight.  We used to bicker back and forth, to the point that we’d get annoyed with one another, but now we don’t.  And our son has asked us if we were “getting a divorce” in teh past for hearing us go at each other, but no more.

OLD MARIE is GONE.

NEW MARIE is here to STAY… red ass and all.  And i wouldn’t want it any other way!

Hugs and Kisses ~

3 – First Spanking Ever

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So we are only just truly beginning this journey, but i feel inspired and excited and hopeful and turned on … all-the-time now.

And i wondered what that “first time” would be like… first time ….for spanking.

i wondered all sorts of things about it  – would it hurt (i hoped so, but would i regret that ‘hope’ should it come to fruition), if it hurt how long, would i ask for more, would i cry, would i regret wanting this lifestyle afterward, would i have to find a way ‘out’ of it if i did regret it, what have i gotten myself into..  among the few anyway.

And that’s when it occurred to me that i was NOT being submissive with this thinking.  God says “don’t worry” about anything … for any reason … anytime.  And well, let’s be honest, i wasn’t ‘wondering’ about the spanking, but i was rather “WORRYING” about it and what it represented.  And i asked for this life.  And i needed to trust my husband AND God.

But thankfully i didn’t have to ‘wonder’ for long.    

ACTING OUT:  i did it on purpose.  i was bad.  My actions were intentional.  i egged my husband (Sir David) on!  i wanted him to react!  If he didn’t react, i would’ve thought lesser of him.  i would’ve thought he thought this whole thing was some sexual fantasy or maybe just a joke.  i wanted a spanking!

SPANKING I GOT!  David wasn’t mad.  But he was stern.  He ordered me to the bedroom.  To strip naked.  Feet on the floor.  Hands on the bed.  Hands only.  No arms or head on the bed.  Only hands.  Feet/ legs spread apart.

i waited.

He came.  (not orgasm, literally walked into the room.)

my heart raced.  my pussy got wet.  i felt it drip.  i wondered if he would notice.  i figured he would.

He got the paddle out.  i felt it pressed against my butt.  my face cringed.  i knew this was the moment.  i said a prayer, “God, please let me endure whatever is about to happen.  Please be with David as he administers this wanted and desired discipline.  Be with us as we go into this new adventure.  Please give me strength now and in the future to continue in the way you want.  Help me be submissive”.

WOW!  CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!

1-SWAT. 2-SWAT. 3-SWAT. 

It was amazing.  Amazingly painful.  And yet, amazingly wonderful.  David told me to use my safe word (Tiger) if i needed it.  i was determined, on the first spanking ever (!) to NOT use it.  But then i started wondering if that was the right way to think.  Was being that obstinate smart or stupid?, dominant or submissive?  i really didn’t know.

But the fire quickly flaring on my ass made me focus.  i quickly had to put everything out of my mind but to focus on the paddle.

4-SWAT.

“Do you know why you are here? “

5-SWAT.

“Yes Sir”

6-SWAT.

“WHY?”

“Because I deliberately made you mad.  I tested you.”

7-SWAT.

“Exactly.  Was that smart?”

8-SWAT.

“No Sir”.

“So do you regret your actions?’”

9-SWAT.

“No SIR!  i’m actually very happy that i did it.  i needed to know you believe in me as your submissive.  That you desire this relationship change that i’ve requested.  That you are willing and able to administer the discipline i desire.  i respect you more now that i know you can and will do this.  i willingly submit!”

10-SWAT.

And then ….KISSES and HUGS. And reassurance of what a good submissive wife i am.  That he was proud of me.  And to expect discipline.  It is now apart of our life and He likes it and the response it is eliciting.  And i smiled.  And said, “me too!”

NO doubt about it…. It was not easy.  Every-single-one was delivered with force.  Without warm-up.  So for a first spanking, while i have nothing to compare it to, i felt this was amazing.  My bottom was flaring red.  And it stung.

And my fears were alleviated.  My worry was for not.  God knows his promises and he keeps them true… by having my husband be the Head of House & the head of me.

i’m excited about the future and the new marriage we are forging.  We’ve been married for 17 years, and i wish i’d found this way of life long before now.

Hugs,

Marie